Transcription
It's one of the interesting things that kind of got suppressed for a while is like we pretend there's no differences between men and women at the culture level and that's such a dumb thing to do.
You have kids. You had kids yet? Yeah. You got What do you have? Boys, girls? I have a boy. Okay. So, I mean uh you know it they come out wired this way. My kids make guns out of everything.
There's nothing I don't love. They do live in Texas. They do. Snakes and guns. Uh we are. No, totally. My son just can't he can't sit still. He just runs around and smashes into Yeah. hits things. That's And that's what he needs to do cuz he's a boy, you know. And I get it cuz I understand that, you know, women have been repressed for so long and subjugated and whatever. And then we got mad and we were like, you we're going to do it. And now there needs to be a back come to Jesus again with the two of us. It's just too out of balance. And I think women have forgotten what their their value is being feminine. There's so much power in the feminine. There's so much power in being a mother and a woman. That's being devalued. It's too bad. I don't want to do what my husband does. Especially after having cancer last year, I was like, you know what, dude? I don't want to do the road 50 weeks out of the year for what? More money, more fame. I don't care anymore. I do not care anymore. Let him do it. He likes that. Let him make the money. I want to sit home and garden, pet my cats, and there's value in that cuz I have two little boys that I'm raising.
Yeah, that's such a profound point. I'm so glad you made it as well. Did you always want kids? [laughter] That was such a funny segue. No, I thought I was a career woman and that I would just dominate the standup world and be a multi-millionaire.
There's a reason I asked you about this because it's kind of a weird thing as a guy to even delve to even dip your toe in the waters of this conversation, but we are This is a fact. I'm just saying what I'm experiencing. People can hate me for whatever. We are meeting a lot of people all over the world, but particularly in the US, UK, etc., who are women who've got to their late 30s, early 40s. They haven't had kids. They haven't been able to find that relationship about this. Know where you're going, I think. And [clears throat] it's like and and a lot of them are like sort of very carefully revealing that they kind of like feel like they were lied to about what they're supposed to do with their life. They're supposed to do this.
And now they they did all that and they're kind of like, "Wait, I didn't I didn't end up where I want to end up." Meaning childless, unmarried. Yeah. Yeah. Cuz I think we were sold a bill of goods on feminism. That just isn't how it is, right? So, we needed to get out of the kitchen. This is true. We didn't have any choices. We didn't had no options. Okay. So, we needed Betty Friedan. We needed Gloria Steinum. But Gloria Steinum never had children. And that's that's the piece of feminism that is missing from all of this is motherhood. How does that fit in? And how does marriage fit in? because we figured out how to become independent of the system kind of. But is that really what we all want is to be outside of a system that has worked historically for thousands and thousands of years and there's a biological drive to reproduce. And and I think too if you spend and this is just practical. I'm I'm going to be 50 in June and if I had daughters, this is what I would tell them. Find the guy you're gonna marry in your 20s. That's when Tom and I met. And if you're banging all of these dudes and you're wasting your time on the apps having meaningless sex for two what? Your 20s, your 30s and now you go, "Okay, I'm going to settle down. Now I'm going to get serious about finding a man." Well, guess what? All the first draft picks are gone cuz the good guys got married in their 20s and early 30s. And who's the leftover? [laughter] You're like, "Oh, there's this one weird guy that's never had a girlfriend." And you know, so especially biologically, that's a lie. Women have to adhere to their biology. We can't have babies really in our 40s unless we have medical intervention, which I did. I'm totally open about that cuz I did the career thing first and then I did motherhood. I have, you [clears throat] know, if I had to do it over again, I would have said, I don't know about this career thing. I'll let my husband make the money. And I I I would have had 10 more kids. If I were 10 years younger, I would have had more. Yeah. Really? I love it. Because I think that's the meaning of this existence is to to love your family and and love. What else is there? Fame. Who gives a I'm going to be dead. No one's going to remember me in a few years, right? Who remembers Benny Hill? Do you guys even know who the that is? Yeah, of course. He's a legend. [laughter] But but I don't think about him as often as I think about my son. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
But then again, the societal pressure for women is much less to achieve. We just have to be attractive and thin and young. You guys have to be rich and successful. Tall and tall. Yeah. At least two of the three. At least two of the three. Yeah, you could. Yes, exactly. You could be ugly [sighs] and rich. That's fair enough. But thanks for looking at me while you say that. [laughter] [laughter]
But I was going to ask a serious question. Okay. Okay. But you you know it seems and that women have been sold a dud. Yeah. And it's only now that they're waking up. And I really hope that we're going to have an honest conversation about this because a number of women that I've spoken to, these are really smart women, career women, lawyers, whatever it may be. And they're unaware of their own biology because they weren't taught it in school. No one explained to them, hey, if you want kids, the best time to have it is probably in your mid20s. Yeah. Biologically, yes. emotionally. You know, I am actually relatively happy that we had our son in our late 30s cuz the parent that I am is like I mean 20-year-old me was a right. I mean 30-year-old me was an I'm still kind of an but like but less so over time. So there's probably some kind of middle ground. It just feels like what I see is a lot of people are just a lot of women are getting to that age and they're just realizing that the thing that they thought they were supposed to focus on Yes. is not the thing that makes them happy. 100%. [clears throat] And if you say that, you're going to get crucified by feminist. Yeah. [laughter] But that's why that's why people don't say
I was just thinking about this this morning on the toilet. I'm so excited that we're talking you [laughter] were thinking about this. I was this morning. Why are you thinking about it? Because like I said, I've been through a major illness. I've been through two kids. I've had fame. I've had money. I've traveled. I've done a lot of now in in my 50s, I'm going to go, okay, well, what is it? What is it? What's the what's the work here? Is it to be happy? What does that mean? Was it about the stuff? Was it about getting famous? No. And and I I'm getting lost in my own sauce. What did you say before? Sorry. I just said why were you thinking about it on the toilet? Because it's what what's the point? Like what what does make women happy? Sorry, that was it. What makes women happy? And I was thinking on the toilet, well, what makes me happy is unfortunately or fortunately the traditional things. And now had I said that to my 20-year-old self, I would be horrified cuz I was a good feminist and I fought my way through comedy and I did all the clubs. I wasn't you. I'll show you. I'll be the best female comic. And I I carried this anger that compelled me for 20 years, right? And then and then you become I became a mom and I got humbled by illness and then I was like, okay, so what makes me happy? I know what makes me happy. I can't speak for all women, but is there something to my biology, to my essence? Possibly. Possibly. Do Do we know what makes all men happy? I don't Yeah, we do. Yeah. [laughter] Stay explode jobs, football. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I'm not I'm not that into football, but Yeah.
But I I think too it's like the this it was the male ideal of success that ruined women. It was this idea that in order to become equal, we had to be like you. Yes. That's the problem. I have to have my career exactly like Tom's. I have to be [laughter] successful. Like, this is not going to work for me. This is not going to work because I'm a mother. My body can't keep up with this pace of work. It's not good. And it makes the woman angry, resentful, bitter, and now I'm useless. Cuz if my kid can't come for a snuggle and my cat can't come, you know, I'm the center of the the home. This is the truth. And it's not pretty to say anymore, but that's just I that's what I learned. And it's so interesting that you touched on power before because we were talking about power and women want to be powerful like men are powerful. Like women are super powerful. Not in the same way. 100%. Babe, we are the ones the puppet masters. No offense, but there's a reason I'm sitting here talking to you [laughter] and my husband's on a plane to Indiana right now. Okay? And I mean, I'm so grateful that he does do that. I'm not saying that I manipulate him to do that. He wants to do that. But yeah, women's lives can be fantastic if you let the guys just do their own. Let them do it. I always think about Margaret Thatcher. Um I'm fascinated by her too when she got into parliament and her voice was too high. So she had to talk in a lower register to be understood by the men and this and that to be taken seriously. Taken seriously. She had to masculineize herself and like, okay, maybe that's what she liked, but at what cost to her spiritually? I don't know. I don't know her. I don't know. She didn't seem terribly happy. She seemed to work a whole lot. Maybe that was her secret to happiness.
And it's also as well, and I'd love to get your opinion on this. There's the whole kind of sex positive thing. And there's part of me that goes, "That's a that's just an idea from a dude who's like, "Let's be free." 100%. Polyory is not a female invention. Do you know what I mean? No. And behind that there's some dumb on TikTok going and I love being polyamorous. [laughter] It's the best thing for us. I got my car. I will say this and again this is very controversial too. Spiritually and physically it is not good for women to be as to be promiscuous. I I couldn't do it. And I put it this way like a guy blasts a load into you. Think about that. Like just a dude blasts his load into you. Like who are you, bro? That you're just going to dump your clip in me and then like I would carry the biological responsibility of that. It just seems rude for just some stranger to dump his semen inside of me and I should thank him for that. Like who the are you, bro? More respect. Like what happened to like No, court me. You got to court me. Take me out for dinner. at least take me out for dinner and then maybe I'll you know but coffee date isn't that what people are doing coffee dates now and Francis is the one that's dating Francis are you dating I am dating okay so tell me you dumping clips [laughter] this is going to be a great clip by the way [laughter] you get so this is what I found very interesting about the apps it's that I call it nest cafe dating which is like when you meet someone in real life IRL as the kids say whatever it may be IRL there's you get to know each other you're like oh I like her she's nice let's oh can I find a way like we can like let's say you work together let's sit down let's talk and you know on a Tuesday you might have a snatch of a conversation you're about 20 minutes like oh she's really cool and she likes this stuff and then next week you know she's at the water cooler so you're like Okay, let's go and talk. And gradually over time something builds and you realize that you have in common. You have shared memories, shared experiences and something blossoms. Yes. Whereas when you do the app like okay we're going to meet here at this time and whatever else and then you sit and you have this conversation and if you're good at having a conversation you know ways to make it work and whatever else and then it but it's very superficial. It's like a tree with no roots. Whereas if you meet someone organically and it blossoms over time, it has roots, which means that when there's challenges that come, there's there's things that hold it in place, which an instant app or whatever, it simply doesn't.
That's true. And you're less likely to blow that person off cuz I hear it's really common to just kind of forget somebody that you've started an interaction with and then you're like, "Oh, whatever." That's so rude. It is. And it wouldn't happen in real life IRL if you were by Yeah. You saw that every day and you're like, "What's up, Henny? Where have you been?" [laughter] Exactly. Because there's consequences to your actions. And because when we see someone online, we kind of You're They're an avatar. They're not a real person. They're just like a little That's so scary, dude. I I'm glad I got married at 20. Oh, you did? Oh, yeah. Was she a good Russian woman? Ukrainian. Even better. Even better. [laughter] So strong. Good. Yeah. Yeah. It's the best. It's the best. See, cuz my Hungarian mother, she told me this stuff that woman has to get, you have to find this early because nature comes in cycles. Nature comes, you have to do things in the time. And that wisdom, this ancient European wisdom is not being handed down. Or maybe women aren't telling their daughter. It's like, no, no, dude. The guy doesn't want the girl who every guy in the village has taken a right. That's shaming. Oh, I know. [laughter] And I've got friends that are and I shame them right to their faces. Well, see, you say the mothers are not telling the daughters. I don't know. Is it that or is it that the I don't know. A the daughter maybe not listening. A Yeah. And B the daughter is going to school. Yeah. where she's being told, "No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. You need to do this." Yeah. Part of your right. This is what everyone's doing, right? And then you've got cultural influence and now you got Tik Tok. I know. So, you put all that together and like cuz see and and then the other weird thing is this has become political like what you're saying what we are talking about is like rightwing, right? And I'm like what? How did that happen? Well, like getting married and having kids while it's like so that you have the rest of your life together and you is that that's political? That makes sense. I know. Somehow it got switched cuz I always considered myself a '9s liberal and then now that's considered conservative, right? I don't know what happened. I'm still a '9s liberal in my head, man. Like, I don't know what the label means. I can't I don't know what the the label means. But I think that yeah, we got to shame these I think that's a great place to end. [laughter] In fact, I think that should be the title of the episode. We got to shame these horses.