Transcription
If you're a Christian woman who wants a godly man to fall in love with her so you two can have a glorifying marriage together, here are six things you need to know.
Number one, when a woman enhances the joy that a man is already experiencing in life, that usually causes him to fall in love with her. If you're looking for a man who can't be happy unless you make him happy, you're unknowingly setting yourself up to be in an unhealthy codependent relationship. Now, dependency on each other is a good thing. You have to be dependent on one another to have a healthy relationship, particularly when it comes to marriage. But codependency crosses the line and requires each other to be the primary source of happiness in one another's life, which just isn't reasonable. A healthy Christian man shouldn't have this black hole in his heart that he's hoping a woman can come and fill, meaning that he just can't be happy in life until he finds this woman. Rather, before he meets the love of his life, he should already have a healthy Christian community, friendships that he values, and purposeful work that he feels brings God pleasure. In short, a man is looking for a partner, not a woman who can just come in and change everything or give him a life that he's lacking. Compromise will always be necessary, but a good partnership requires deep correlations that already exist before the two become one. So rather than changing his life, a man will fall in love with a woman when she enhances the good already in his life.
Number two, when a woman respects a man's nonrelational attributes, this often helps him fall in love with her. If you're a Christian woman who's been in the church, or you're someone who consumes Christian content when it comes to relationships, or really even if you're just listening to relationship advice in general, you probably know that a man craves respect. Now, what is often glossed over that may have not been emphasized to you is that the source of that respect matters to a man. In other words, for a man to really feel loved by a woman, he wants and needs that woman to respect him for certain reasons. You may really respect this man because he treats you well in the relationship sense. He listens, he can express himself, he makes you feel valuable in your personal interactions with him, and of course, that is absolutely necessary on your end, and he should thus feel respected by you for those reasons. That's really good. However, a man also wants to feel respected by the woman he marries in ways that he values about himself. So to help this, you know, be a little more clear, think about what men respect in other men. When a man has respect for another man, it's usually not based in relationship or emotional attributes. Rather, it's because he's a hard worker, or he's a soldier, or he has a career that is really hard, and this other man just values that and says, "Wow, that guy's doing a really great job." Likewise, if you can show respect to a man for the reasons a man wants to be respected for himself, that lights a fire in him in a different way than when a woman respects him for the reasons that she wants to be with a man. You want to do both, and he wants to feel both, of course, but it's just easy for a woman to sometimes not see the value that a man is placing on certain attributes that are nonrelational.
Number three, if he senses that you're physically attracted to him, this can help him fall in love with you. It's not a groundbreaking statement to say that physical attraction is important to men, and that's not to devalue or say that it's not important to women either. It shouldn't be idolized. It shouldn't be above a woman's character and these other core qualities that a godly woman has, but it's biblical and it's good for a man to be attracted to a woman. All that to say, what's often forgotten is that we usually receive love in the ways that we want to give love. So if your love language is giving gifts, not only do you naturally like to give gifts to other people, but you like to get those gifts as well. If your love language is acts of service, then not only will you just want to serve people to show your love for them, but you'll also feel really loved when someone takes the time to serve you. Thus, since a man really wants to be attracted to the woman that he ends up marrying, he also is going to want her to be attracted to him. When the attraction is not mutual, it really can't thrive to the level that it should. So to put it another way, let's say that a man is really physically attracted to a woman, but then he learns that that woman is not physically attracted to him. That fact of knowing that will decrease his physical attraction to her because he knows it's not mutual. That fact alone decreases his physical attraction. So when you read The Song of Solomon, for example, there's clearly a back and forth expression of physical attraction.
Number four, when a woman can accept that a man's emotions are different than hers without trying to change him, that often helps him fall in love with her. It's true that some men are suppressing their emotions in unhealthy ways, and it's also true that a man needs to express himself emotionally so that the woman he's with can feel connected and loved by him. She doesn't just want to express herself to him; she does want that. She wants him to know how she feels. But for this whole thing to work and be complete, she also wants to know how he feels. She needs him to express his emotions. But when a woman wants a man to want this same thing to the same level, he will feel unaccepted and feminized by the woman when she cannot accept that his emotional desires often times are just less than hers. Men and women are different, and that's something that should be celebrated and accepted. So when this man feels like you accept him for how he is, and he's of course again going out of his way to express love emotionally to you, but when you can also accept he's different than me, he doesn't express his emotions like me, and he doesn't even want to do that to the same level. He does it because he knows I need it, and yeah, he needs it sometimes, but not like I need it. When you can express that, and when you can accept that about him, he's going to love you for that.
Number five, if your responses to his good and bad behavior are reasonable, that will help him fall in love with you. A good Christian man is not a perfect Christian man, and he's going to know that about himself. Thus, he wants to be with a woman who can feel like he's being a jerk when he's actually being a jerk. A good man wants to be with a woman who can lovingly correct him by allowing his actions to appropriately affect her in the ways that those actions should affect her. In other words, if he's being mean, he doesn't want to be with a woman who's pretending that he's actually being nice because he knows he's not worthy of being in a relationship with that type of unchecked power. He doesn't want to be the only one in the relationship making sure that he's behaving properly. He wants to be with a woman who can help keep him accountable by being hurt and offended when he does hurtful and offensive things. On the other hand, just as importantly, he wants to be with a woman who appreciates and respects him when he's doing things that are worthy of appreciation and respect. In short, a man wants to be with a woman who makes emotional sense to him. He wants her to make him feel bad when he's treating her badly, and he wants her to make him feel good when he's treating her well.
And number six, when you allow yourself to need him, this helps him fall in love with you. He knows you don't need him in the ultimate sense because you're a strong woman. He's not saying you can't survive without me, or he doesn't want to be with a woman who's saying, "I just can't survive without you." Rather, he wants to be with a woman who's allowing herself to choose to need him. The thing that makes him most happy in the relationship is making you happy. In other words, he doesn't want a woman to provide and protect and pursue him like he's doing for her. He doesn't want her to express the same love or the love in the same way that he's expressing it. Rather, what he really wants is for her to respect and appreciate and show that happiness when he's doing those things. I'd appreciate a thumbs up to this video; that helps it spread to other people who might need to see it. I'm Mark from applygodsword.com, and until next time, God bless.