Transcription
So much goes away with the illusion of being a doer. The illusion of agency. The sense of "I've done something wrong" goes away. The sense of "I have to do the right thing or else something bad's going to happen" goes away. The fear of not having enough time to do everything you need to do. The sense of only having so much time to get all the things done you need to get done. The regret about what you've done. The doubt about what you're going to do. The sense of having the world on your shoulders. The nearly constant obsession with what to do next, what to do today, what to do tomorrow. The need to talk to others and get into complicity about what you're going to do, what you should do, what they should do, what everyone else should do.
It's just layer after layer of delusion. And the freedom of releasing yourself from that illusion is extraordinary. It's really to have no trace, to leave no mark. To recognize that reality itself doesn't leave a mark. There is no trailing edge. There's no past. There's no need for a past. And now you're available. You're fully available to this moment. Fully available to feel. Fully available to laugh. Fully available to breathe, to dance, to walk, to smell. Fully available to let go. Let go of the last moment, the last thing. To realize there was never anything holding on. Available to see this endless unbinding. To feel the fullness of this moment when it's not clouded by dreams of other moments, illusions of other moments, and constant obsession with the doer, the manager, the one in charge, the one taking credit, the one doubting itself. Just availability, such a gift.
It's rare to be truly available to yourself, to sensations, to sounds, to this immediate experience, to those around you. So rare, but it's also your birthright. It's totally available to you. What is the cost? Well, the cost is the willingness to feel discomfort. That discomfort of resistance, to bear resistance as a sensation and not react to it. Feel what there is to feel. See what there is to see. There is a cost of trusting this process of unbinding. It's a process of realization, of awakening, the dharma. Call it what you want. But there's got to be this trust in living truth. Trust that we're not here to live in the illusion of later, when also to live in the prison of the past, because it is a prison, a prison of your own mind.
And what's left when all is said and done is so simple, so innocent, so immediately available and familiar. You'll know this. You'll know this is the only place you want to be, the only place you could be. You'll also know that it's somewhat dreamlike. It's not any specific way that there's nothing holding here and there's no one holding on to this. There's no one apart from it. There's no agent apart to navigate a world, navigate a life, navigate experience. It's clear, simple, like water poured into water. Nowhere to go. Nowhere to escape from. No need to leave. No need to change this. No need for anything to be any different than it is. Then we can really experience and die into the empty fullness because it's just here. It's an endless exploration of itself in all of its magnificence, all of its clarity, all of its innocence and intimacy. This is the freedom from the tyrant of the mind, the tyrant of doership, the tyrant of agency, the tyrant of management. Freedom from a process that was never really happening. But even its apparent happening caused a sense of dysphoria and it seemed that that dysphoria itself was the trail. It was the breadcrumb and the next breadcrumb. So even the suffering is really rather fortuitous. But once the trail leads you back, then you don't need a trail anymore.