Transcription
Breakups may end relationships, but they also create new ones. Let's talk about it.
This video is directed to the boys because the last video that I made on this topic, the viewership was shocking. Out of everyone that viewed that video, 35% were female and 65% were male. After looking up videos specifically on this topic for men, I noticed that none of them spoke about feelings and the emotions that you face when dealing with a heartbreak or how to grieve. And I know that we all deal with this differently.
For example, when I went through my first really tough heartbreak, I went through four phases, which we will talk about later. But an extra phase that I faced was brain dumping or emotional dumping. And this means not holding in my emotions and letting them out on a piece of paper in my notes app or to a friend or a therapist. The only videos that I saw on this topic for men was the advice to go to a gym, make money, and get women. Or that men break up harder and women break up quicker. But it is not a competition. We're not here to compare men to women right now. Men take longer to process a breakup because anytime that an emotion or a feeling comes up, we push it down until they arise again. Any man who says he totally understands women is a fool because they are unstandable.
So, maybe you clicked on this video and you're fresh out of a breakup and you feel none of the things I'm going to talk about because you haven't processed these feelings. Or maybe you broke up a year ago and you just found this video and it's it's time. But I want you to know that just because it takes you longer to process your emotions doesn't mean that they're not valid. In my opinion, some of these things are great advice, like physical health and focusing on work to excel in. But they all failed to acknowledge one thing, and that's you. It just simply isn't breakup advice.
So, the statement is simple. You do not need to be toxic to become a stronger man after a breakup. But before we go and discuss how, let's figure out why you're here. Yes, obviously you went through a breakup, but why are you here watching? You could already be swiping on Tinder. You could be living at the gym 24/7 getting that pump in. You could be starting one of those like dropshipping businesses. You could be a millionaire. Come on. You could be happy. But you're not.
You went through something traumatic. And that took me a long time to understand. Just because it isn't a car crash or a dramatic story or involving death doesn't mean that it's not traumatic for you. You're here because you want comfort and you want to understand. Because when we go through a breakup, there's a lot of these thoughts that just roam around our head and we can't seem to slow them down in order to pause and think about them. That's why I'm here.
Hi, my name is Joey and I grew up a sports kid. I was that annoying kid that was kind of like somewhat decent at any sport that I was in and I loved it, but I got injured bad and I was trapped in this corner with a lot of bad thoughts and a lot of tough mental battles. And the main thing that it forced me to deal with are my emotions. And I was quick to realize that it wasn't about forcing me to deal with them, but it was forcing me to understand and cope with them. And even though I never became the tough sports guy, I did become the stronger guy. I'm telling you this before I get to the breakup advice because I want you to feel what I say. That understanding your emotions and where they come from and why they are there is the strongest thing you can do. After my injuries and my self-help journey, I received loads of DMs from athletes. And it was on the topic of not understanding how to manage their emotions and usually with a breakup.
So, with all that being said, let's talk about it. So, he went through a breakup. I know it can feel like the end of the world. You start off sad, then you move into depression, then anger, and then this random spurt of self-importance. Basically, it can be like that tornado of emotions that you can't seem to slow down. And I'm not here to add to it. I'm here to simplify it. So, let's jump right in.
Here are my four phases of a breakup.
One, the scale. This stage, you can understand why both sides wanted to end it, even if you don't fully understand. You think it was sad, but you still love them, so you understand it needed to happen. You see both the positive side and the negative side, but not necessarily in a healthy way.
Two, red colored glasses. Everything becomes about them. You can't eat at your favorite restaurant because you took them there. You can't buy anyone flowers because their favorites were daisies. Your glasses went from rose to red because it's not love. It's a lost love.
Three, anger. This doesn't just come with a bunch of hold filled walls from punching them, but more this acid in your stomach, this fire beneath your words. A lot of people go to the gym in this phase because all of this energy can go to build up this body that you claim that you couldn't do while in a relationship. This is partly to show off on social media or to your ex, but it's also an anger to prove to yourself that you can. It feels like self-love, but you're mad about it. This anger phase can come in many forms, and it doesn't always have to be aggressive.
Number four, not over just moving forward. This is the phase where you might start dating. Yay. But don't worry, you're going to compare every single person to your ex. It's the phase where you now go to restaurants. It's the phase where you now buy flowers because you realize that everybody likes daisies. It's a phase where even though it still hurts, the steps that you are taking are moving forward. You accepted that it happened whether they treated you poorly or you understood that you needed to move on. And ultimately, you may not be out of love, but you are on to something new.
So, how does this help you? It doesn't. This video doesn't do that because you need to do it for yourself. These phases could be longer, they could be shorter, and there's no possible way that I can understand what you're going through. But I do know for a fact that love matters. Even if you hate it right now, your messed up mind matters. This tornado filled with emotion matters and it is important and valuable and you deserve to see what comes from it. It can feel like the end of the world, but it's worth seeing tomorrow.
Now, I want to share a stat with you and I don't want it to be overlooked. Now, I want this number to scare you. I do. But I also want you to understand that the large reason why this number is increasing over the years is because men don't value their emotions. 79% of the people that take their lives are men. I need you to understand that your emotions are incredibly important. Even the bad ones, they are what make us stronger when we come out of it.
When we work through all of them, someone you love left your life, and I know how much that can freaking hurt. I know it can feel like somebody ripped your heart out and left it on the sidewalk for people to step on. I know you feel cheated. I know you feel betrayed. I know you feel broken. And I know you don't feel okay about it. But do you know what else I know? I know that you deserve to see what tomorrow's like, what falling in love again feels like, what discovering yourself feels like.
My advice is not to get back out there, but rather to turn inwards. And if you're like me and your form of helping yourself is kind of helping others, well, try these three things.
One, compliment your male friends. Tell them their hair looks good. Tell them that you like their pants. It it may feel uncomfortable, but that's exact reason why we should do it. It's a win-win.
Two, give someone close to you a gift. Nothing big, just something small. And then when you give it to them, whether in a note or verbally, tell them that you just saw this and it reminded you of them. That's why you got it.
Three, give someone you love a hug. Aside from your past relationship, when was the last time you were hugged? You need it.
For all the guys out there, I hope this gave you a moment to feel. I hope you got past the emotion of feeling a little bit cringy while watching this and understood that it's okay to feel right now. And I know these things can feel a little cringy, but that's that toxic side of society kind of dying in us. You deserve to feel. You deserve to mourn over a breakup, and you deserve to be here. So, take care, stay you, and I'll see you tomorrow.