Transcription
You suck at talking to people. That's what I told myself when I realized just how important it was. I thought that my people's skills were absolutely fine. Still, no one listened to me, and I was always anxious. Finally, when I tried to actually fix my people's skills, they somehow got worse.
Well, luckily I found a trick that will solve this problem. And with enough practice, I turned it into a habit that planted the seed for social improvement and made me really stick out. And the best part? It's really straightforward. Like, seriously. Let me show you.
"Lord, it's good to be here with you, Mr." I'm in my chair. I'm sitting down. I'm sitting down. In high school, I always felt extremely lonely. I can remember a time where I said hi to my crush, and she just looked at me. It was really bad. And it wasn't like I had no friends. It was just I sucked at talking to people. So I had about two friends.
So I did what any sane person would do, and I looked up advice on the internet. And when I saw it, I went, "Nice." It said, "Smile more and ask more questions. Be humble." And for a moment, it worked. But it just made me fake. Granted, most of it was valid advice, but it was just too much. And I tried to do it all at once, like most people, and that made it even worse.
So one day, I was playing chess with my dad, and it made me realize something really important. And that was that I am at chess. That left me wondering, "Why? Why am I at chess?" I mean, I watched a few 10-minute videos about chess. Why am I no better? If I read a 10-page book about chess in, say, 15 minutes, will I become a Grandmaster? No. I thought to myself, "Of course not. That's stupid." So why would a 10-minute video about social skills do the same? Well, it wouldn't.
I realized that this wasn't the way. I realized people aren't computers. I mean, I can't just download a program and then, and then that program makes me become whatever I want in just one day. And that's when I realized that information alone is kind of useless. Memorization doesn't mean knowledge, and knowledge doesn't mean skill. It just means you know something. So I thought of a brilliant little idea about how to make everything I learn applicable to every single social situation.
Now, in this video, I'm going to show you how to do it. But first, I'm going to tell you what it did to me and how it improved my social skills forever. That's right, I'm not bullshitting you. I said forever. When I implemented this little habit into my life, I made all sorts of improvements. I started talking loud enough so people could hear me. I used to talk like a mouse. I started speaking more articulately because before I used to just trip over my words. And probably the best part was I became a much better listener who rarely ran out of things to say. And it might shock you because it's so simple. I'll explain afterwards.
All I was doing was thinking more often in silence. How could such a simple thing have such amazing results? Well, it doesn't have amazing results unless you do it like this. I call it the pre-conversational thought habit, or just the good habit. And here's three steps on how to do it, with the last one being the best one.
First of all, we as human beings don't have the memory of elephants. I could watch a really short video, but without action, it wouldn't do anything. So at first, I had to remember to do it consistently before it became a habit that came along naturally. And this was done with a few simple approaches. Well, one, I told myself every morning, or I made it a daily goal. But by far, one of the biggest changes I made was practicing something called diaphragmatic breathing. I actually encourage you, look into this yourself, because it made me personally feel a lot more present and relaxed.
Okay, so now I remember to do it. But what do I have to do now? Well, I have to do it properly. I noticed quickly that just thinking for a small amount of time wasn't going to cut it. I was worrying about what I was going to say to the other person before they were even finished talking. This is stupid. Why on earth, I thought to myself, was I thinking of a response before the other person even finished talking? It's ridiculous. It's me making assumptions.
So I need to think after they finished talking. Quote in my rule book is: "Withhold evaluation until comprehension is complete." Then, once the other person was finished, all I had to do was simply stop, think for a moment in silence, and then talk. Just did a couple things for me. Well, first of all, I got a lot more articulate. I started speaking really clearly, straight off the bat. Another thing it did is I think it showed people just how much I cared because I took the time to really hear them out and formulate a proper answer. And people could really see that.
Now, the final step. This is the juiciest step. The reason I did the last two was so I could focus on the good stuff. Now, every single time I would go to talk to someone, I would remember that I'm trying to improve my social skills, and so I could focus on one thing at a time. This could be being more authentic, being kinder, talking louder. It could be anything. And at the moment, for me, it's trying to be more authentic.
So now, wherever I go and whoever I talk to, I will always remember that I need to lock in and focus about being better at talking to people. I'm, I'm going to be uploading a little bit less frequently than I have in the past, but you'll still see some stuff from me in the future.