Transcription
Sometimes there are things that you go through that only God's strength can pull you through. And seriously you guys, in these last days on this earth as a believer in the Lord, I am getting beat up mentally and physically. Like I've been having to take a break from being online um because of my health. And I currently am sitting here with a heating pad. And I just felt like I need to talk to y'all about health issues, about mental health issues, about just this heaviness and this weight and this overwhelm that I have as a believer in Christ right now because of all the tests that I'm going through within these last days on this earth, the last days in the church age, the last days before the church is raptured and we go up to be with Jesus for eternity.
Um, and I know if someone's not a believer in the Lord, they might think I sound absolutely crazy talking about the second coming cuz I know people just hear that and they just think like, you know, I'm smoking something, whatever the case, but no, this is for the people that those that get it get it, you know. Um, I'm in so much pain just trying to talk to you guys right now. Um, I have been having a lot of issues with like my reproductive health and stuff and um, I suspect that I have endometriosis which is like just really bad pain in like my um, abdomen area and everything like that. Um, and I just feel incredibly nauseous. It feels like this pain has just been getting worse. Um, like month by month and everything like that. And so I have to get another test for it pretty soon. I got a freaking CT scan. If you don't know what that is, it's like you have to drink this disgusting like berium liquid and then you go in like this machine. Um, so and they take images of like basically your insides, your intestines and stuff. And um, I had to get an IV in my arm, blood drawn, like it was just awful. I hate needles. Hate hate hate hate hate needles. If I could avoid them, I would. But I just I had to do it cuz my doctor said. And they found a cyst inside of me. And I'm like, awesome, great. And now I have to do like oh another like invasive type of exam. And I'm just like so scared. Like I'm I'm not wanting to do any of this stuff. It is so painful. It makes me feel like a lab rat being tested on every time I go to the hospital or the doctor and have to get some type of exam or blood work or whatever. It is the worst feeling ever. Um, and I'm scared that I might need to get surgery for this awful pain that I've been having that's just increasing every month. Um, so that's great. Love that. I love the idea of getting surgery. Doesn't terrify me at all.
But, um, I wanted to come on here and talk to you guys at my just absolute lowest because I know I probably look like a mess. I sound like a mess. Even just trying to talk is like just painful. Um because I just like to be raw and real with you guys because I know as believers in Christ, you guys are going through it as well. It's not just me. Um whether or not you're going through health problems like I am. It could just be mental things you're going through. Um spiritual tests that you're going through. I believe every single last believer in Christ is struggling right now. Like we we out here surviving. Seriously, we out here. Um like it's mindboggling to me and I just completely believe like normal is not coming back. And I actually just watched um Leave the World Behind. highly recommend that movie because it's literally as a believer in Christ, you can see what that movie is really about. And it's about what I think is the tribulation, the 7-year tribulation period. Um, and how all of the like elites are going to bunkers to get away from, you know, all the tests and trials of like, you know, the Lord's wrath coming down on this earth and everything like that. Um, and there's a like quote or like the slogan for that movie is like normal is not coming back. And I truly feel like that's where we are right now is normal is not coming back. Like everything feels chaotic. It feels crazy. It feels scary. It feels heavy. Very spiritually heavy. Like I don't know about you guys, my sleep has been messed up. I cannot get to sleep at night. And I also like no matter how many hours of sleep, I could sleep 10 to 12 hours a night. And genuinely I wake up and I'm still tired. And that could also be just because of my like suspected endometriosis because it makes you very have a lot of fatigue and low energy. Um, so maybe it's just me. I don't know you guys but let me know if you guys are also feeling very spiritually tired and having test after test after test and you like seriously for the believers right now it's like we are going through tribulation before the Lord is is coming back to get us it feels like us believers are going through the tribulation before the tribulation happens you know like we are going through so much tests and so much uh and so much stuff that just makes us need God and makes us need to pray and need to stay close to him and need to rely on him.
Because I'm not going to lie, with my extreme pain, I started to drift away from God and just live in fear and live in worry and live in pain and just being scared of possibility the possibility of needing surgery. Um, and it's separated me from God. And it's made me feel distant from him. And I'm like trying to get out of that and stay close to God and stay in my Bible and stay praying and stay faithful even though I'm in so much pain because God is good even when life isn't, you guys. And I just know like my reward in heaven is going to be, you know what I mean? I'm like, we going to have mansions in heaven, you guys. We going to have jewels and rubies and stones in heaven. And I'm really praying I get a white horse in heaven. Like, that's all I could ever ask for. I always wanted a horse. I love horses. Um, so God, give me a white horse in heaven, please. But you guys, if you're struggling, it is not just you. Like I am going through it so so so badly. I would love if you guys could pray for me. Like it's really really really awful. And it's like I have slowed I'm at a point in my life where I've slowed down because when I was 16 to 19 um if you guys don't know my story, I was a sex worker. I was living the fast life. I was living in downtown Chicago chasing after money. All I cared about was how much more money can I make? And money was even more important than my own body. Um, and so I obviously had no care for my health whatsoever. I did not care about my own body. I did not care about my own mind. Like I did not have any self-love for myself. And now it's been almost 3 months. Um, wow. Time is going by so fast. I swear I just made my twomon free from sex work video and now it's almost three months. Like where is the time going you guys? Um right when I say that I see a video of Philip Anthony Mitchell and Tim um Timberlake and it says time is running out. That's crazy you guys. But um what was I saying y'all? I'm just exhausted man. And I can't even keep like my train of thought. I'm sorry y'all. I completely forgot what I was saying. But yeah, time is running out. We do not got much time left. And I want to tell y'all if you're struggling mentally, physically, spiritually, it is not just you. Like we we out here. We out here going through it. And I seriously have had to take time away from, you know, my phone, from making YouTube videos like I normally do every day. Um, being there for my Discord group, my Bible study. Like, I've had to take a break away from everything because your health is number one. Like, bro, if your health is failing, it's like you can't do nothing. can't can't nothing come out of your life besides pain management and doctor's appointments and all that stuff you guys.
But um yeah, man, there's some things that you go through that only God can carry you through. Like seriously, I am like past my own strength and I've been living in God's strength for like so long, bro. Like I'm just exhausted, you guys. Um, and I just like I'm just craving to be with the Lord. I don't know about you guys, I'm so tired and like I've gone through so much spiritual tests and so much physical pain, mental pain. I'm exhausted. I'm spiritually, mentally, physically just like drained. I'm just dead, you guys. I like I said, I could sleep for 10 hours and still wake up and just feel like I didn't even sleep at all. Like it's no, it's like this feeling of I don't have like a reset. Like I can sleep and then I wake up and it just feels like the same day cuz I'm just like so spiritually like tired. If that makes sense, you guys. But God will carry us through all of this. Whatever you're going through in your life, God is going to carry you through it like his lamb on his shoulders. You know what I mean, you guys? And I literally can just feel in my spirit that God is going to bring up his church to heaven real soon and the bride will be reunited with the groom. And man, I just want to cry. All this pain that we're going through right now and tests and trials is all for a reason. It's not all in vain. All this suffering we go through is not for no reason. Um we're going to have such great rewards in heaven. We're going to have castles in heaven, me and you, you guys. Um for all this pain that we've had to endure. Like it is just awful. I just I literally feel like I'm dying every day. And I know technically everybody's dying every day. Um, but it's just things have gotten so much heavier for me lately. And I know you guys can relate to this, too. Anybody that's closer to Jesus, um, I mean, anyone that's close to Jesus is just feeling heavier and heavier by the day because I just keep hearing that like we have Jesus's heart inside of us. Like he he gave us his heart. We love the things that he loves. We hate the things that he hates. And because there's so much pain in the world right now and there's earthquakes and there's famine and there's nations rising against nations. Like all that stuff is it's hurting us. It's spiritually affecting us, you know, and we can I don't know about you guys, but like I can literally feel in my heart like the heaviness of the entire world. And that sounds crazy, but I just believe that's from Jesus. Like we are feeling the same things that he is feeling while looking down like down at us on this earth and all the the pain that's happening around us, you know.
Um, so if you guys feel like something happened, something switched, things are not like they used to be, things do not feel as fun and blissful and just like, you know what I mean, as they used to be. Things feel heavy. Things feel dark. Things feel just tiring and exhausting and evil. Like, it's not just you. like you are absolutely not alone in this and it's a good sign that you have this spiritual heaviness actually because that means that Jesus has his hand on you. You know the people that are out here living like woohoo life is great. Um, I'm going to be here another 80 plus years and I'm going to go drinking and partying a love life like and they don't see anything that's going on spiritually. Like I feel bad for them. Can you imagine? Like they are so asleep that they are still in this like blissful bubble of lies. You know what I'm saying? Like it's crazy, bro. And I'm so grateful that God reached me when he did, you know, woke me up when he did. I like, bro, God had always had his hand on me for my whole life, even when I didn't believe in him. And he was just waiting for that one day that I would pray to him at my lowest and that he would just speak to me and that I would start believing that he is real again and that he is the truth again. And you know, look now 7 months almost eight months later, like my life is completely different. And I'm just so grateful to be the Lord's daughter, you guys. And I'm so grateful to have this community. And I just want to apologize if I'm not as active online as I usually am because my health is just tanking, you guys. But I know my reward in heaven is going to be so great. And I know that the pain that I'm going through now cannot compare to the joy that is coming for us. You guys keep that in mind. I just love that verse so much. But I love y'all so much. And I'm going to put my Discord group and Bible study link in the description of this video. And Jesus loves you so so so much. And I'll see y'all in the next video. Peace.