Transcription
Have you ever noticed how the questions we ask ourselves can change everything? Your questions determine your focus. If you focus on why something is not working, you will find the evidence that it was not meant to work. If you want to change the quality of your life, well, change the quality of the questions you ask yourself.
In the world of coaching, asking the right questions can be the key to unlocking profound insights and real results for your clients. It really does not matter what you're going through or what your client is going through. It does not matter if they're young, they're old. It does not matter if they feel lost or you feel lost. Helping them, these coaching questions will bring them right back on track.
I have had the blessing of training over 15,000 coaches in my different coaching methodologies, and today I will show you some of the best questions you can ask your clients that will get real results for your clients pretty quickly. Let's get started.
The first question is, "What does your ideal, perfect day look like?" See, many of us set goals with big hopes. We write down huge dreams. "I want to make a million dollars," or "I want to have super strong six-packs and muscles." With these goals, we make time frames to reach them too, like saying, "I'll get there in six months or in one year." But here's the hard part: when the goal feels very far away, it's hard to stay excited. The big space between what we have today and our far-away goal makes it hard to wake up every morning ready to work hard. And if we don't work on it every single day, we can't actually reach the goal.
I see this happen again and again with many people I've helped, many clients I've worked with, many coaches I've worked with. They know exactly what they want, and they really, really genuinely want it. But when it comes time to do the work, they get stuck. The problem isn't that they don't want it enough; it's that they have trouble staying excited every day, which actually makes it hard to keep going day after day after day.
So how do we fix this? Instead of only thinking about the end goal, let's ask a different question: "What would your perfect day look like?" At first, people will talk about the fun things, like their perfect vacation, walk on the beach all day long. That's okay; it's a good place to start. But as they think more, ask them to picture a day that makes them really, genuinely happy and means something. A day that gets them excited, matches what they love to do, and shows how they would want to live every single day, not just once in a while for a week.
Help them think about all the little parts, like how would they start their day? What time would they really wake up? What kind of fun work would they like to do? Who would they work with? How would they spend time with their friends, their family, or other people that they might love? What fun activities would make them really happy? How would they feel good when the day ends? What's the feeling they would have when the day ends? For example, someone might say, "My perfect day starts at 6:00 in the morning with a quiet cup of coffee." Or somebody else might say, "I'll wake up at 9:00 a.m. with a nice, slow morning, and I don't like coffee." There's no right or wrong answer. What's important is that they can see it clearly.
Helping them paint a bright picture of their perfect day, when someone designs this perfect day, it feels more real than a far-away goal. Now, instead of waking up to chase something years away, months away, they can wake up and ask, "How can I make today more like my perfect day?" Even if they only get half or most of their perfect day, they're living closer to their dream life. This way helps connect what they do every day to their big dreams. For example, if they dream of having someone drive them to work, they'll need to make enough money to pay for that. What can they do today to move towards that life? If they want to feel strong and healthy, what good habits can they start now to be more like their future self?
By focusing on the process, the little steps each day that match their perfect life, they can make the journey a lot more fun. The big goal might still take some time, but the path to get there becomes more exciting because you can actually see the path, you can follow the path.
Which brings me to the second question, which is, "What am I missing by choosing to be afraid?" See, most of us pick fear and being afraid every single day. And it's not because we like choosing fear, we like being afraid. That's not the case. It's something that we do without actually even thinking about it. You see, if you notice, every time you see a gap between what you have and what you want, you start to worry. You think you will not get it. When somebody says something to you about you, you start to worry. If you get late to work, you start to worry.
There are certain things that you may have to do to achieve your goals, but they are so scary that now you don't want to do them, and you feel afraid. You might be scared of talking to someone, or meeting with someone, or doing things you want to do, but it's so scary that you get scared, and so you don't really actually end up doing it.
Here's something else that we don't notice: is that every time we're fearful of something, we're afraid of something, it costs us something. And because we never really evaluate that cost, we actually end up wasting a lot more time worrying and being afraid than to actually take some action and move towards the goal and the life you want. So if you can bring the attention to what we're missing, it helps us think less about the fear of rejection and being afraid, and more about what we are missing out on every single day that we're acting from a place of fear and worry.
Let's take an example. So see, if every single day you're afraid of posting, say, on social media, what's happening now is that you're missing out on being able to share your message with the world. Or maybe you are looking for a life partner, but you're afraid to go out and reach out to meet people. So what you're missing out is a life that you could have with this wonderful partner. So what we're really doing is we are bringing attention to what you're missing out on as a future life by not taking action. So what it brings attention to is something that hopefully, with that fear of missing out on the future life, will create action towards creating the future life that we want.
Usually, I'm not someone who likes the topic of fear of missing out, but what this particular question does, it allows our clients and ourselves to see that there's a future life that you're missing out on every single time we stay away from action. So it helps us displace worry, it helps us displace fear, and be able to act because we now know that we're not taking the action we should be taking.
Which brings me to the third question, which is to ask yourself and your clients, "What is the most important thing here?" This one is really interesting. More often than not, what you may notice with my clients, I've noticed is, especially when it comes to business, is that people start working on the wrong problems because they're easier to fix or they're right in front of them. Let me explain.
One time, I was working with a client who really, really thought that the thing that is not working for her in their business was her social media. And because of that, they were constantly thinking about how they would work on social media. They were trying to solve that problem, and they kept working on it and working on getting some followers, getting some more engagement. And as I was coaching them, I asked them a question. I was like, "What is the problem that we actually trying to fix here?" And they said, "Well, our cash flow is down. We need to make more money." And I said, "Okay, so if your problem is money, what is making your money right now?"
Interestingly, the client answered, "Well, it's ads." So I said, "So if money is coming from ads, if that's where you get your money, that's where the cash flow is really coming from, and you're seeing less money come in, and that's the problem you want to fix, shouldn't you be fixing ads first?"
See what happens is, or what happened in this case, is whatever was easier to fix, or whatever was right in front of this client of mine, they just said, "I'm going to go fix that," without stopping and asking if that was even the problem worth solving. Here is what happens in the world of problem-solving: Some of us will fix the wrong problems because we identify the wrong problems and we call them the right problems, and then we solve them the wrong way. Now, this is the worst place to be in because you're not only working on the wrong problem, you're actually working on it the wrong way, and so you're not getting anywhere.
Some of us will go, "Okay, I might find the right problem." And then they will find the right problem, like in this scenario, the client found the right problem was ads. But then they will find the quickest solution they could find, and hence end up solving it the wrong way, and they're again in the same situation because maybe they found the right problem, but they're fixing it the wrong way. But sometimes they, they find the wrong problem, and they actually start solving it the right way. So they might have found social media to be the fix they want to do in this particular example, but they solve it the right way. So they have the right tools, they know how to grow it, and so on and so forth. So they're solving the wrong problem, but the right way, so it feels really right.
The key to success is to find the right problem and then solve it the right way. So it's very important for you at any given time to help your client identify what is the right problem and are they solving it the right way? And that is the most important thing. The most important thing always in a business is to find the right problem and the right fix for that right problem. So spending a little bit more time really finding what's important, what is the right problem, what is the right fix, helps more than jumping to the first fix you can think of.
Which brings me to the fourth question, and that is to ask yourself, "In time, will this matter?" Ninety percent of all things you worry about, all the problems we're trying to fix, won't matter a year from now. It's hard to believe, but it's true. All that worry in your mind, all that stress you're feeling, or that client is feeling, doesn't really matter in the long term.
Let me tell you about a time when I couldn't think about anything except a problem at work. I spent so many hours working on something, and when it went wrong, I felt like everything was terrible. I couldn't sleep at night, I couldn't eat, I even got mad at people I cared about. But guess what happened? Six months later, I couldn't even remember exactly what went wrong. What felt so huge and scary back then became just a tiny memory. I barely remembered.
The same thing happens with big events or big goals. After some time goes by, you forget how important they seemed. You forget how happy they made you or how much you celebrated them. This question, "In time, will it matter?" completely changed how I dealt with hard times, mistakes, it even fights with people, and it can change your life too.
First thing to know is that our brains make problems look bigger than they are when they're actually happening. It's how our brains try to keep us safe, but sometimes it tricks us. Asking yourself, "Will this matter in five years? In one year? Even in one month?" helps just step back and see the whole picture better. When you stop and think about what really matters over time, you start making different choices. You don't get too upset about small things. You stop using up your energy on things that won't make you happy or help you reach your goals in the long run.
So next time you think everything is going wrong, or even when you're just feeling really mad, stop. Stop for a second and ask yourself, "In time, will this matter?" You might be amazed at how clearly you can think when you ask this one really simple question.
Which brings me to the fifth question, and that is, "What do you love?" Most of us spend our time running after things, trying to get people to notice us, wanting to be famous, or wanting to get money fast, somehow really fast, thinking these things will make us happy. But here's a truth: none of those things will make us happy for a long time.
Think about having someone special in your life. If you try to find someone just because they look good to other people or match what others think is right, it's usually not the right person for you. The same is true when picking jobs or setting goals. When we chase what looks good and what's easy, we miss out on what really makes us happy.
So instead of asking, "What will get me money fastest? What will make people pay attention to me?" what if you ask yourself, "What do I love?" When you work from a place of love, everything is different. You stop looking for a quick fix and stop caring so much about what other people think. Instead, you spend your time, your energy, and things you have on what makes you most excited. That's where you find the energy to keep going. That's where you find the strength to keep going. When you do what you love, you show up every day feeling like what you do actually matters. You're not just trying to get results; you're living a life that feels special to you. And funny enough, that's often when good things happen, not because you're pushing for them, but because you're doing what you really care about.
Loving what you do makes a life you love, and isn't that what we are all really trying to get to? Wake up every day excited about the life we are making. So bring your attention and your client's attention back to this question: "What do you love?" Because if you don't love it, you probably won't stick with it. And if your heart's not in it, even if you get what you want, it won't feel good. Love is what makes you excited, gives you a reason to do things, and makes you feel complete. Stay there, and let everything else follow.
Which interestingly brings me to the sixth question, which is, "What can you do with what you have?" This is one of the most powerful questions I ever learned. Too often, too often, we focus on what we can't do because we think we don't have enough, right? Have you noticed that about yourself or your clients? Maybe you have told yourself, "I can't be good at social media because I don't look right." Right? "I can't be a speaker because I talk different." These were real things I used to believe about myself, by the way, and I see the same in the people I help. They'll say, "I'm too old. I'm too young. I'm too busy. I'm not smart enough. I'm too smart for this." These are all just blocks we put in our way, stopping us, stopping us from seeing what we could do.
But here's the truth: the only thing you can work on are things that you can control. This idea, which comes from very old and wise thinking, really helped when you or the people you help feel stuck. Instead of thinking about what you can't do, think about what you can do. So ask yourself, "What can I do with what I have?" Look at the good things around you. They might be your brain skills, your ideas, or how creative you are. You might have some people skills, like friends and connections and people you know. It could be some body skills, like tools, places, even your health. Some money things, like any money you can use or save. Ask, "With everything I have right now, what can I do?"
This new way of thinking brings freedom. It takes away the heavy feelings of not having enough and shows you a new way to grow and get better. Here's why this question helps so much: We all want to feel like we have control. Even though sometimes it's good to let go of control, our minds feel safe when we know what's going to happen. When we feel unsafe or not in control, it's hard to do important things or feel good about doing them. Thinking about what you can control, what you can do with what you have, makes you feel safe. And when you feel safe, you can act with confidence, with freedom, and even joy.
So the next time you feel stuck, or the next time someone you are helping feels stuck, ask them, "What can you do with what you actually have?" It's not about what you're missing; it's about what you could do right now.
Which brings me to the seventh question. This is, "Who are you really?" This is one of the deepest questions anyone has ever asked me. It totally changed my life. It really did. When you ask yourself, "Who are you really?" it makes you look beyond your title, beyond your job, beyond your work, beyond your business. It makes you think about who you really are, a real person behind all the names and all the labels and all the titles.
Let me tell you a story. It was December 31st, 2014, night. I'll never forget. I was walking the streets of Colombo, Malaysia, where I was living at the time. And as I walked through the busy streets, I saw a woman in really ceremonial clothes. She looked right at me, walked up to me, and asked, "Who are you?" No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't say anything except my name and my job title then, which was CEO. I was running a company back then. But she didn't stop there. She kept looking into my eyes and kept asking me the same question, "Who are you? Who are you?" And after the third, the fourth time she asked me that question, I felt a little shaken up. I realized I didn't have a real answer.
That moment made me start looking for the truth about who I really was, beyond just what people could see. This question is hard to answer, especially if you never thought about it deeply before. Even for people who have thought about it a lot, answering it can feel very uncomfortable because it makes you face parts of yourself you might not fully understand.
When I ask people I help, "Who are you really?" and I ask it again and again, pushing them past their first few answers, they often get to a point where they say, "I don't know." And that's okay. Actually, it's a really good thing. "I don't know" is a start of finding out who they really are. This journey of finding yourself is super important for your personal growth, for your spiritual growth. The right answer to this question can change how someone sees everything. It can help them see what they can really do, what they really want, and what really matters to them in a way that changes how they live and how they lead.
If you want to help people you work with, or even yourself, feel this big change, keep asking the question, "Who are you really?" Don't take the first easy answers. Keep asking until they stop talking about the jobs or the simple answers, the straightforward, what you can see on the face answers, and start looking for who they really are deep down. And if they say, "I don't know," celebrate that. It's not failing; it's the beginning of the journey. So I leave you with this question: "Who are you really?"
Which brings me also to the eighth question, which is, "What can I do today to make my current self more like my future self?" Most of us live stuck in how we are right now. This version of us, the one we know and live as today, does things without thinking. We go through our life like a clockwork, doing the same thing, having the same habits, and following the same patterns day after day after day after day. But we also have a future version of ourselves we are dreaming about becoming, a version that feels more right, somehow fits better, and feels more successful, feels more happy. The hard part is that this future self often feels so far away, it almost feels like it's not real. It's just like a dream or an idea.
So how do we close this gap? It's by getting very specific. Start by asking, "Who am I today?" Write down how you act, what you know how to do, what habits you have right now. And then ask, "Who do I want to be in the future?" Describe that future you in detail. What does that version of you know, do, or show up as that the current self doesn't?
Once you have made these two versions of yourself clear, figure out what actions and changes you need to make to close the gap. What do you need to learn? What habits do you need to start? What changes in how you think will bring you closer to that future you? The clearer the idea is, the easier it is to know what to do.
When working with someone you are helping, guide them through this process. Ask, "What can you do today to be more like your future self?" What habits can you start? What old ways of thinking or acting do you need to stop to become that future self? Future version of yourself. Big changes happen when you stop seeing your future self as just a dream. Start matching your daily actions to that dream. By taking small steps towards your future self every day, you start to close the gap between where you are and where you want to be.
So ask yourself, or the people you help, a simple but really powerful question: "What can you do today to move closer to the future you want?"
Which brings us to the ninth question, and that is, "Am I doing this to get people to notice me and like me, or am I doing this because I really love doing it?" In today's world, many of us want people to see us and like us. We want others to say good things about us, whether it's our friends, whether it's our family, it could be our work friends, or even people we don't know on the internet. We want to feel that others see us and hear us and understand us. We want them to know that we are good and want us to experience our goodness and like what we do.
And while there's nothing wrong with wanting people to like us, we should ask, "Is this why we're doing things?" Are you doing things because you love doing them, or are you trying to get something that you can't control? Getting famous and getting noticed are things you can't protect. They might happen right away, they may take many years, or never happen at all. They might even happen for reasons you didn't plan, reasons that don't match what you really want to do.
I've seen people who suddenly got lots of attention for quick, silly things. And here's what we should ask: Does that attention make them happy? Or would it feel better to do something you really love, even if nobody ever notices you, and you focus on doing the work, the passion, the skill? You stay close to what matters. If you get famous or people notice you, that's just something extra, not the main goal. This way feels more real and makes you feel good in the way that other people saying nice things can't really match.
So ask yourself this: "Am I doing this because I love it, or because I want others to love me for doing it?" If nobody ever noticed my work, would I still be doing this work? When your answer comes from loving what you do, you'll find you're already winning, no matter who notices. Stop asking, "How can I get people to see me?" and start asking, "How can I really enjoy and love what I do?" People might or might not notice you, but you'll feel happy when you're doing what you really, really love.
Which brings me to the 10th question, which is to ask yourself, "What can I learn from this?" Life is full of different things that happen, both good and bad. Many of these things we can't really control, but we can control how we choose to react and what we choose to learn from them. When things don't go like you planned, when someone you're helping is hurting, or when you yourself are having a hard time, stop and ask, "What can I learn from this?"
The simple question helps you stop feeling upset and start being curious. It helps you stop fighting against what's happening and start growing from it. Everything that happens, no matter how hard it is, has something to teach you. You might not see it right away, but it's there if you want to look for it. What smart ideas can you find in what happened? What wisdom is waiting for you to discover?
Instead of asking, "Why is this happening to me?" try thinking about it, "Why is this happening to help me?" Be curious. Trust that there is a reason this thing is happening in your life. It might be here to teach you to be strong, to be patient, or to understand yourself or others better. When you look at hard times as chances to learn, you turn them into steps that help you grow. And when you do this, you help yourself and the people you help handle life's ups and downs with more grace and with purpose.
So the next time life feels heavy and you're not sure what's next, remember to ask, "What can I learn from this?"
Which brings me to the final question: "What does help look and feel like?" Most of us don't know how to ask for help, or even what help really looks or feels like for us. Nobody taught us how. For many people, asking for help makes them feel like they're weak, when really it shows that they are strong. Life isn't meant to be lived alone; it's meant to be lived with people, which is why getting help really matters.
But here's the hard part: if you don't know what help looks and feels like, how can you know when you see it or ask for it? I've thought about this question myself, and I've learned that the kind of help that I need changes as my life changes. The help I need at work looks different from the help I need in personal life or with my family. And this is true for everyone. Help isn't the same for everyone; it's it's really personal.
This is why it's good to ask yourself and the people around you, "What does help look and feel like for you right now?" When someone can say what help means to them, they can ask for it clearly and with confidence. They stop waiting for others to guess what they need and start making changes and communicate for real connection and help. Think about it like this: Is it emotional, like having someone listen and understand? Is it practical, like having someone help a task or decision? Is it something else, like having a teacher, a partner, or just someone being there?
Once they, or you, can say what help means right now, it's easier to look for it. And when we actively ask for the help we need, we can open up new chances to grow, succeed, and feel happy. So I leave you with this final question: "What does help look and feel like for you?" Know what it is, look for it, and see it as something that makes you strong, not weak.
Before we wrap up, I want you to know something really important. You just learned 11 powerful questions that can change your life. But here's the thing: just knowing these questions isn't enough. These questions are like keys; they can open doors to a better life, but only if you use them, only if you take action.
Think about these questions right now. You might be sitting in your room, or maybe you're on your way somewhere. You might be feeling a little stuck, maybe unsure, or even a little scared about your next steps. That's okay. That's perfectly normal. But now, with these questions, you have tools, real powerful tools that have helped many people just like you find their way.
So here's what I want you to do: right after this video ends, pick just one of these questions. Anyone you feel like, the one that spoke to you the most. Maybe it's, uh, "What do you love?" or "Who are you really?" Whatever question made your heart beat a little faster, felt a little scary, maybe that's your question. Write it down. Put it somewhere you'll see it for the next few days, maybe on your mirror, or maybe by your bed, or set it as your phone background, just for a few days.
And tomorrow morning, when you wake up, ask yourself that question. Really think about the answer. Take some notes. Take some small steps, just one, based on what you learn by asking that question. Remember, you don't have to have everything figured out. You don't need to change your whole life today. That's not the point. You just need to take that first step. Because here's the truth: inside you right now is everything you need to start creating the life you want. It really does. These questions will help you find it, bring it out, but you have to take the action. You have to start.
So, can I ask you to join me? Can I ask you to take that first step? Because your future self is waiting, and trust me, that's cheering you on.
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