Transcription
Some lessons I have learned the hard way. Number one, you got to chill out. When I think about the things that in my 20s I was so intense about. I cared so intensely about, I'm like, what? Right? I could have been more patient. I could have been calmer. I could have realize that the thing you're thinking about is never as important as you think it is.
Another one is don't say maybe when what you really want to do is say no, right? Don't say I'll think about it. Don't say I'll try. If you can't do it, if you don't want to do it, just say no. As they say, no is a complete sentence. You don't owe anyone anything and you certainly don't owe them an explanation.
Number three, I should just always listen to my wife. Every big business mistake I have made, my wife told me beforehand, that's a really bad idea. You got to learn whose judgment to trust. You got to learn who knows you better than you know yourself. And you got to be able to trust and defer.
You can't fix internal issues with external accomplishments. Hitting number one in the New York Times, mass selling millions of books, making money, doing all the things I've done. You know what it feels like? Doesn't really feel like anything. You think it's going to be this big cathartic relief? It's going to change things. It's going to undo things. It never does. You can't fix internals with externals.
If you think professionals are expensive, try hiring an amateur. Right? I've tried to get around hiring. I've tried to do stuff myself. It always ends up costing you. But I would say there's a caveat to this. Sometimes just because someone or something is expensive, just because they're an expert, doesn't mean they actually know what they're talking about. And uh, you can rack up very large bills and not actually move the ball forward in any way.
Anger always makes stuff worse. I don't think I've ever lost my temper and then afterward thought, I'm so glad I did that. I'm so proud of myself. It's not how it goes. You always regret getting upset. Just like I was saying, you look back at the things you used to care so much about and you're like, why was that such a big deal?
Character is fate, as they would say. I don't know why I expect it to be different than it was the time before. I don't know why I'm surprised when people have already told me who they are. You got to look at the core of who they are, what makes them tick, cuz that's what you're going to get from them.
The last one is that it always takes longer than you expect, even when you take that into account. My first book came out in 2012. I don't think I hit the New York Times list until 2016 or 2017. I'd started my first website in 2005 or 2006. If you had told me at the time that that's how long it would take, I don't think I would have believed you and I don't think I could have handled it. It always takes longer than you think it's going to take. Take that into account, then double it and be ready for it to take even longer.
I read a lot. It's sort of my job. You can't write without reading. But for almost 15 years now, once a month, I send out an email with my favorite book recommendations for that month. Books that I've been reading, books that I've been going through, books that changed my life, that inspired me, that I think connect to what's happening in the world. And you could sign up right now at ryanholiday.net/reading ET/Reading Best.