Transcription
I von gets emotional and breaks down mid podcast after wrestling with Jesus. Let's jump into this. This is from a couple days ago. Uh and Dioon's been on a journey of his own. I think it's an interesting time in terms of the public conversations around faith. Uh so let's just jump right.
This is from the 43 minute uh 43 39 minute mark of his podcast something new this past weekend with the check it. Hey Theo man, I just wanted to call and say appreciate everything you do and uh you know I was just listening to Ella Langley podcast about like we all only she was saying how we all this is our first go around right? You know, we're all just living for the first time and I think I've been struggling lately with um feeling like almost like I'm stuck in this cycle where, you know, you're alone, you're lonely, you're by yourself, which, you know, sometimes isn't like the best thing for you to do, but it's almost like uh second nature. It's just what you retreat to and then you, you know, then you want to go out and you go out and you hang out with your buddies and you have sometimes like a wild night. You get influenced by like what you think they want, what you think the world wants, what Instagram and all, you know, social media tells you to do. So, you're drinking. You might even [ __ ] getting those a little bit dirty like you used to.
And uh >> he's like, "Okay, now uh I love that he is taking calls from his audience. I think that's so dope. Props to him for uh making himself accessible in that way." uh you know, you're trying to get all the girls' numbers and like, you know, have a have a grand old time and you're out all night and then uh you kind of wake up the next day feeling like and you're like, I'm not even any closer to my goals. I'm not getting where I need to be. Um but then you just kind of retreat and then you do it all over again. And uh I know yeah, I feel like maybe you once went through this and I think a lot of guys go through through this and you know, I've shut off social media, tried to like I've gone through periods where I didn't drink for long, long periods of time and uh I don't know, you sometimes just always go back to this cuz then you're just like, what's the point? You know, we're only, you know, got one go-around on this like, am I going to like waste my youth? Am I going to waste my opportunities? Um, but I'm no closer to my goals. And I think I'm, you know, I, uh, I lost my job last year and, uh, >> I'm supposed to be like studying and trying to get ahead for some stuff that's going to give me a better job, but a lot of time I just kind of let the days go by and now I'm stuck here, you know, by myself sitting in my room after the weekend. Kind of just, I don't know, man, feeling down and uh, I don't even know why.
Yeah, there's a lot of people there that that that are in similar seasons as this dude, especially with all the economic uncertainty, especially with all the tension in the culture right now. I think it's uh he I think represents probably a lot of people. >> And I just wanted to know how you deal with this. How do you get yourself out of this? How do you get to a better life? How do you get to a place where like you're not just cycling through and you're actually moving toward things that you want? And I appreciate your advice. All right, Theo. Thanks, man. >> Thanks so much for the call.
Yeah, that the cycle of just like, okay, I'm going to do this. And then I would kind of for me, I would like I would I'm going to try this. I would let myself down. I would try and and uh I would ask God to help me and I would be like I would pray, you know, um and but I would just and it was the same thing. >> And I appreciate your I appreciate you being so articulating your calling and doing your best to share uh as honestly as you could what was going on. Um, I'll try to share, you know, I've been struggling, man. The past like couple years I've had, you know, it's been a struggle in in certain ways with certain behaviors that I'm just not proud of, right? >> Or really just behaviors that I didn't want to do anymore >> and I couldn't change it. I couldn't change the cycle. And even as I say this, I'm afraid that I'll fall back into those behaviors. But I'll tell you what for me has been helpful recently. And I'm sorry if I sound a little animated. I just uh I've been like going through this in my own life recently and it's on the tip of my thoughts and feelings. Um, you know, sometimes I I realized for myself, I would pray to God to help me get away from certain behaviors in my life. Uh, but at the same time that I was praying, there would be a part of me that knew I was probably going to do those things again. >> That I was probably going to do those things again. Like, God, please help me to I don't want to do this anymore. I don't want to have this behavior. But there would be a little part of me that was like, I know even as I ask for God's help that I'm going to do it again. I would know. I would know that.
This is so interesting because the guy called on on some general life advice and I love that Theo brought it right back to God and right back to faith and prayer, really really insightful I think on his part. U and that that like hey Romans 7, the things I don't want to do, I do. The things I do want to do, I don't do. Um, it is a a tension that I think a lot of people have and I we'll look at some scripture here in a moment that I think it perhaps adds some clarity to some of these things. But yeah, I I think this is a tension that a lot of people have is like, hey, there there are aspects that like I don't like these parts about myself, but I'm in this process. I'm in this loop. I'm in this tension. And uh yeah, I I I understand especially with someone, you know, sizable platform, sizable income, access to excess very easily can those vices start to you know, take over. So I started praying like this. I started praying like God, please help me with this. You know, this is a broken part of me that I bring to you. I need help with it. And then I would add to my prayer. I would say, and even God, even as I pray to you right now, there's a part of me that knows I'm probably lying to you. There's a part of me that knows I'm going to do that behavior again. So, can you come into that part of me >> and help me there? Help me in the part of me that knows as I pray that I am that I'm lying. >> Jeez. >> And I don't know if that sounds crazy or not, but I started to think that like a connection between us and a higher power. It's so it's such the realest. It's like in my life, it's one of the realest things that I've ever witnessed, right? Like you go in like I I'll be in meetings and or a recovery meetings or um and you see people's lives change. You see something happen. You see, you see miracles, right? But that was what was happening. You know, it was I couldn't change. I could I I tried everything. I tried everything to change. I I would tell myself I'm going to do it different. I'm going to do and it wouldn't it just I I couldn't do it. >> Yeah. Yeah. I mean, he's speaking to AA, which I think is a very, you know, someone that's going through the AA process, the 12-step process, which, by the way, a lot of folks don't know that that was founded in uh by by a Christian minister in in church, and then it kind of secularized it as it went on. So, some of the principles transferred over except they kind of changed it to like whatever your higher power was instead of confessing to God. >> I couldn't do it by myself. >> Yeah. >> And my whole life, I'd done everything by myself. I thought I thought I had >> and so something that's just been helping me recently is just praying differently, you know, because whatever's inside of me that's broken is really it's manipulative and it's, you know, it would be good at pool because it's good at it's good it's good at the angles. >> But so yeah, so I just been praying that God comes into those parts of me, >> you know. >> Yeah. >> Don't just come into like the water inside of me. Come into the come in through the well. Come into the walls of the well. >> Come into the the the the mortar, whatever that's between the bricks that cuz I'm Cuz I'm broken cuz cuz I'm broken all the way there. He He's saying I'm broken all the way down to my motives. Like I'm praying with double hearts and double motives. That's interesting, >> you know. And I don't mean that like in self-pity. I don't need any. I don't. But if there's a part of me that doesn't even want the best for me, then that there's something inside of me that is off. >> So, that's something that's been helping me uh because some of it's been coming true. And um I don't know if it's been coming true. I don't know if that's a term, but I don't know. I'm starting to just feel something different. >> And then I was also I was I was looking on this Bible uh and there's a story called John 5. And it's about a guy who's at these pools. And some people follow the Bible, some people don't. That's fine. This is just a story um that I'm reciting here. Um and and Jesus is is at the is at the pools and it's in Bethesda and they're like there's a sick man there and he's been sick for a long time. And um and Jesus and Jesus asks him, "Do you want to be healed?" He asks him, "Do do you want to be healed?" >> Yeah. Probably a a pretty insulting question to a dude that's been sick his whole life, right? Do you want to be healed? Of course. Of course he probably wants to be healed. You would assume he wants to be healed. And that's a crazy question because you know if I get healed then I'm different. You know if if somebody gets healed they have a new story. >> Yeah. >> So that's just been something that I've been having to ask myself. It's like, do I want to be healed? >> Do I really want something different? >> Jeez. And sometimes a a lot of the answer is no. I don't >> I want something different, but I don't want to. I don't know if I'm scared of it. I don't know what I am. >> I say this and I know it might sound cliche to some of you guys. You guys may have heard it, but like we change when the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of change. And that's not just like psychological mumbo jumbo, okay? Uh in the life of a believer, you have a new heart, new desires, new trajectory, but there might still be aspects of your old self, the old nature that is getting in the way of the the new man, and being conformed to it. >> I don't know if I don't want to do what it takes to get. I can't even tell what it is. It's hard for this. Some of this stuff's a little bit hard for me to say. I think I don't even know why, but I I think I want a new story. >> Come on. You know, my story in my life. And I'm sorry to make this about me kind of, but I'm just trying to share like um, you know, I when I was growing up, like my mom, something was wrong with her. I love my mother, you know, but she didn't connect with me. She didn't like look at me and uh and she didn't, you know, she wouldn't hold me that much and she didn't look she she wouldn't look me in the eyes, right? And uh and so as a kid, I felt like I felt like something was wrong with me, you You know, I felt like, oh, if if the person that created me won't even look at me, then something must be so wrong with me. Um, man, those those are some those are some deep wounds that he's talking about. He's talking about his mom not feeling like his the the one who created him wanted him. A lot of folks when you come to faith, if you don't have a great relationship with your dad and you're talking about God the Father, and that could be that could be difficult for some of us. So Theo is right in that he is unpacking some of these very deep wounds that are probably impacting his perception of many things including his own wholeness, right? And he's being vulnerable about this on a on a very massive public platform, >> you know, and I've worked through a lot of this stuff, so I'm kind of going down this lane. Um, >> but it just gave me >> it gave me like a lot of a lot of low self-worth, >> you know. It just gave me low self-worth. >> Yeah. >> And and it and honestly, it made it tough for me to even have a self because the only person that >> I only knew who I was if you reacted to me well, right? Like I became just a people pleaser because I didn't have any feelings of self-worth. So the only way I could get my worth was from you, right? From somebody else. Yeah. >> And it made sense cuz I didn't have a me, you know, I didn't have a big sense of self. And so I got myself from who you thought I was. >> And I needed everybody to like me. I I needed everybody to like me because I didn't know if I didn't know if I didn't know if there was a one person that didn't like me, if one of the the the plates stopped spinning, if it was all going to fall down. >> Mhm. >> Uh so anyway, sorry I'm kind of rambling, but um but the the the thing that also happened was that whole all of that energy, that negative energy, uh that uncertainty, the that became my story, right? And it gave me like a chip on my shoulder where it was like um, you know, I'm going to show them. I'll show these mother you know, I'll be I'll do this and I you know, it gave me all of that. It gave me all of that energy like >> Yeah. Yeah. Often times that negative energy becomes the fuel to prove everybody wrong and it leads to someone being a high performer uh comedian podcaster you know, it becomes the fuel and and and the I I would argue that that that could be useful for a season but not indefinitely. You don't want to continue using that as fuel. Uh and and the the good news is again as a follower of Jesus, there is a a healthy pursuit of those desires that we can talk about that's not that darkness, right? Talk a lot about about that with the concept of godly ambition. Bestselling book. You guys can check it out on your own. Uh I don't want to turn that into a shameless plug, but there really is something to the idea of like how do we have healthy drive now that we are dealing with these wounds and these issues, right? Because so many people are overcompensating uh because of their insecurities, because of their lack of validation, and then the the drivers become the negative things. But then like what about now that I'm in Christ? What does that look like? Play a little bit more of this, and then I'm going to go to scripture with you guys. >> I'll prove to them. I'll prove to somebody. >> Yep. Yep. Yep. >> That I'm that I I'm worth something. I'm going to make Yeah. I just want to look in somebody's eyes and have them be pleased with me. >> That's what I That's what I wanted. That's what I wanted. I think it's all that any kid wants. I wanted to just look in somebody's eyes and have them be pleased with me. >> And um and all that gave me a chip on my shoulder, you know. And so anyway, so it gave me all this energy. It was like, you know, I'm going to figure this out. I'll never I'll do it myself. I'll you know, and all that stuff served me well until I think just until now it's like uh I don't know, I'm just tired of living that story, man. I'm tired of that story. You know, I'm tired of that story. I just don't want that story anymore. You know, it's been a good story and it's served me well. Dang homie. I'm I'm leaking [ __ ] It's been a good story and it served me well, but I don't want that story anymore, >> you know? I want something different. >> Yeah. >> Because the more I just tell that story, it's just like, >> you know, I stay in that world. I stay in that cycle >> for me. And I think I >> He's He's full on crying at this point. >> Um Yeah. So, I want to have I think I And this is scary to say that I want to have a new story because I'm so used to like how those other feelings work. I know who to be angry at. I know how to operate here. And I know how to operate there. And I know who to not give love to. And I'm, you know, >> man, I I Oh gosh, I relate so much. I relate so much. So so much of a similar story, not with my mom, but with my dad, but even issues with my mom. And then lack of validation and identity and not knowing if you fit in and not not fitting in within different groups, right? And and and then the I'm going to prove them wrong becomes the the rocket fuel. Um, but man, when you're on a rocket, you uh I forgot who said this, but when you're on a rocket, can't can't can't can't build a home on a rocket. Can't can't can't plant gardens on a rocket. Can't have a family on a rocket, right? Uh, you got you got to land that rocket somewhere and you got to find a different source. I know how to make like love like very conditional. I know how to like do all these. I know how to navigate to get this up vehicle down the street. you know. Um, but I think I want a new story, dude. And it's crazy for me to even say that. >> Come on. >> But yeah, I think I want a new story. And uh and so that's one thing that I'm asking God for. Yeah. I'm asking God for a new story, right? I'm asking God for the next part of my of me.
Okay, let's go to a little bit of scripture here. This is uh Ephesians chapter 4. And this theme pops up a lot in scripture, by the way. Ephesians chapter 4. says, "You were taught with regard to your former way of life to put off your old self which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires to be made new in the attitude of your mind." So, okay, just for context, I don't know exactly where Theo is on his journey. I don't know exactly where you are on this journey, but I think it's important to note this is Paul writing churches. Churches tend to have Christians. So, this is not advice for the world and non-Christians. This is Paul writing to Christians which means that we as Christians need to do this. These are instructions for us, right? So there's a former way of life that we need to put off our old self which has been corrupted by our deceitful desires. That that phrasing right there is huge. There are deceitful desires that there's probably non-deceitful desires. does some some of you guys want to have a family someday or you guys want to be able to provide or you guys want to be able to uh I don't know, you know, work a job that you love or whatever and those things are not deceitful desires. Those are those are probably good desires, but then there's deceitful desires, right? And it says so you're taught to be put by by the deceitful desires to be made new in the attitude of your minds and to put on the new self created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness. Okay? So, there's something we have to take off. There's something we have to put on. Okay? It it connects it to the attitude in the mind. And it parallels it to another passage we'll look at here in a second. Now, check this out. Therefore, each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body. Again, he is writing the church. So, if you're dealing with this sort of stuff, put off the falsehood. Speak truthfully to your neighbor. We're all bodies. We're all members of the same body. In your anger, do not sin. Do not the sun go down while you're still angry. I think this is perhaps speaking to some of that darkness, right? That dark energy that people use that I don't mean energy in a boooo sense. I mean like that those wounds that you use to try and prove them wrong. Okay. Now, check this out. Paul says the same thing in Colossians 3 uh chapter 6, right? Uh verse 7. We'll pick it up at verse seven. says, "You used to walk in these ways in the life you once lived, but now you must also rid yourself of all such things as these anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips." It's interesting that it keeps coming back to what we're saying. You know, the things that we're saying, speak truth, don't speak falsehood anymore. It's the things that we're saying. Do not lie to each other since you have taken off your old self with its practices and have put on the new self which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its creator. Then he says there's no Jew or Gentile circumcised or uncircumcised. Right? So this idea of put on the new self which is being renewed. So we got to take off the old self and you got to put on the new self. Now if you're in Christ Jesus, this is assuming you've already taken off the old self and its practices. But I think the part that many people miss is that you can't just uh uh pull out the weeds. You got to pull out the weeds, get to the root, which I think Theo is doing, and then you got to replace those weeds with gardens and better fruit. Okay? Uh we could jump into Romans, I'm going to give you guys how do we do this here in a second, but in Romans, it says, "Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God's mercy to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God. This is your true and proper worship." uh shout out to Justin early. He wrote a book called the body teaches the soul. So there's something about offering our bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God. And then it says, "Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind." There's that word mind again. Then you will then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is, his good and perfect will. So let's look at the uh the Greek here in terms of the word mind. >> Noose. >> Noose, your intellect, your understanding. Okay? the insight of your mind. And we see all the times that the word mind is used. This is in our trusty Logos Bible software giving all you guys a free 60-day trial. Logos used to cost thousands of dollars and only like pastors could afford it. Uh now, uh there it's 15 bucks a month after your free 60-day trial. And so we see all the times that minds uses understanding insight. Okay. But I think some of you guys are like, "Okay, cool. Now, how do we do that?" All right, I got you. So Romans 7 is talking about the struggle of uh the things I do, I don't want to do. What a wretched man I am. Right? Kind of kind of speaking to where Theo is in this sense. But if we just scroll down, Romans 8 says there's no condemnation. And then I think Romans 13 gives us this this this this insight. Okay. Therefore, brothers and sisters, we have an obligation, but it is not to the flesh. Live according to it. For if you live according to the flesh, you will die. But if by the spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live. So the instruction is to put to death the misdeeds of the body by the spirit. That means every single one of us has to wage war. Okay? God makes the promise. God d God God sends Jesus to die on the cross. Jesus raises and there's so much freedom in that. However, God's not going to do all of it for you that there is a cooperation that happens. We still have to receive and walk in the fullness of what God has for us. And that's the beautiful news about Jesus and about uh his love for us is that that that there's a there's a both and it's not just hey God's just going to magically do it all for me. It's a hey God created the pathway you have to walk in it. He promised he made a promise with the promised land. We have to take hold of it. Right? This is a theme all throughout scripture. And it's not about works based salvation. Okay? It's about salvation leading to good works. You don't we don't do this because we're trying to perform because we're trying to earn the love of God. It's that because we've already earned the love of God. Therefore, we live lives of transformation. And I think that's a beautiful story. And I think that's what Theo wants. And I think Theo's on his journey there. I think those moments of reflection and vulnerability, especially with his background uh as an addict, and I know I've struggled with addiction and coming from essay as a kid and a broken family and all those things, I've had to wrestle through these things as well. I've had to do work. But I think the the the crux of it is I think God wants us to live free lives, free and restored lives. Okay, that doesn't mean we're never going to sin, but it does mean we don't have to allow that sin to be our identity. So hopefully that encouraged you. I love Theo allowing people to call in and have these conversations with him. Um, that's one of the things I'm doing as well on the Godly ambition tour which is happening right now. This weekend I'm going to be in Arlington, Virginia. This is one of our fastest selling shows. April 25th, Arlington, Virginia at the Barstone Quarter. And then April 26, I'm in uh Times Square, Manhattan at Sony Hall. Okay. Right in Times Square. Uh, and that's happening this Sunday, April 26. And then after that, May 9th, we're in Los Angeles at the Beverly Hills uh theater. Um, and then we are in uh May 15th in Clearwater, Florida, which is the Tampa area at the Murray Theater and as well as Atlanta May 16th. So, if you want to have these conversations in person, come hang out with me. Love to see you guys. Rouslon KD links pinned below. And I appreciate Theo being vulnerable in this way. Let me know what you guys think about this. All right, Peace.