4 Ways To Be Direct With Women - Approach, Get Numbers, Get Dates, Get her Home

Good day, gentlemen. James Marshall here.

In today's video, I'm going to discuss directness with women. What does that mean? Why is it important? And five key areas of the seduction process where it is vitally important that you demonstrate directness.

But before that, a little reminder that right now, the Master Lover Toolkit enrollments are open. This is a five-week comprehensive course that takes you through the nuts and bolts, A to Z, complete toolkit to become a master lover. So, if you'd like to find out about that, click the link in the description. Lots of info there, and hopefully, we'll see you inside the course.

And now, on to the video.

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Firstly, it's important to define our terms and to be clear about what I mean by directness with women. Now, back in the old-school days of the pickup artist community, there was this kind of ongoing debate between the indirectors and the directors, the direct schools of seduction and the indirect. And most of the debate was all around what do you first say to the woman, whether you should be technically indirect or whether you should be direct. And as a result of this, there's a lot of confusion of what it actually means to be clear and direct because directness is not an opener, it's an attitude, right?

So, if I was to use an indirect opener and I went and asked a woman's opinion, or asked her for the time or directions, or commented on her puppy or something like this, we would consider this to be an indirect approach. Whereas, if I roll over and I say, "You are smoking hot and I'm interested in dating you." That would be direct. So, yes, we can define, you know, kind of the opening moments of an interaction as being clear and direct about what it is that we're there for, or kind of indirect about it, and then try to shift it over into going, "So cute puppy and cute owner," and see where that goes.

Now, definitely, this is something that you need to decide, but there is not actually only one way to do this. There will be situations where, you know, you're in line at a coffee shop and the girl in front of you dropped something. And if you tap her on the shoulder and say, "You're smoking hot," that would be less appropriate than going, "Excuse me, you dropped something. Uh, what are you ordering and what's the plan for today? And I must say, you look lovely." So, in this way, you know, I might take the situation that I'm dealing with and use the environment around me to be kind of indirectly started a conversation, then shift it over into showing actual interest, which is fine. And there will be many instances where an appropriate or effective thing to do will be to roll over to the woman and let her know that you're a single man and you're here because you find her attractive in some kind of way, and that's why you've started the conversation.

But that's only the beginning of the story. So, when I'm speaking of directness, I'm not only referring to the opening seconds. I'm talking about the overall vibe, the projection of intention, the masculine storyline that you are igniting and carrying throughout the interaction, leading into the date, leading into the seduction, and of course, definitely leading into the relationship as well.

Now, why is directness important at all? We could sub in for this word decisiveness, being able to pull the trigger, masculinity, forwardness. It's important because of two things: the effect that it has on you, and the effect that it has on her.

Now, if you're a man who cultivates directness inside him, then you are working directly on the core aspects of what makes you masculine and sexy. It is a man in action. It is a man who takes, uh, makes moves, takes direction, takes leadership. This is the type of man that women tend to find attractive. And why is that? You know, you've probably heard, uh, these phrases like, "A woman wants a man who knows what he wants." Now, at first glance, you could think about that and like, well, why does she care if he knows what he wants? I mean, everyone kind of knows what they want, I guess. And isn't that just related to him specifically? Like, in what way does she benefit from that? And that's the question that you need to ask: In what way does a woman benefit from a man's directness? Because if he is able to take leadership, it means that if she follows him, that her life is going to be better. That's, that's the general idea, anyway. That's what it has to, that's what you need to communicate.

If you're a man who is indecisive, who, uh, you know, doesn't take action or defers most or all decisions to other people or to the woman, then you're putting her in a position where she has to be direct or masculine in that sense. Uh, she has to take responsibility for, you know, getting the number or the date, or texting, uh, or when you're on the date, making the decision of when it's time to leave or what to order, and so on. And it's not that a woman can't do that, right? I mean, everyone makes many, many decisions every single day and they have to take responsibility for themselves to a greater or lesser degree. But humans in general like to follow leaders that lead them somewhere better. And so that's the, the two effects that we're having by being decisive and direct is that we're fostering that in ourselves. It becomes, over time, ingrained. It becomes habitual. It becomes something where you take the lead, where you make decisions, where you propose things, where you open up avenues of conversation, where you lead her into a bedroom, and so on.

And the effect that it has on the woman: if she wants to follow, right? Obviously, you know, if she doesn't want to, then the interaction ends, or the relationship ends, or it goes nowhere. Okay, there's, there's a, you know, there's a combination of leader and follower going on in here. But the effect that it has on a woman is that she feels secure. She feels that she's being taken on an adventure or a ride that's pleasurable. She feels like there is a direction and a momentum to the interaction, to the date, to the relationship, which is the, the precursor ingredient for sexual escalation.

It's a common dating mistake to the point where it's like a cliched trope of kind of bad dates or awkward dates, which are two people sitting together talking for some time, and then eventually it comes to some kind of end, and there hasn't been really any leadership, requests, there hasn't been any physical or intentional or emotional escalation. And at the end of it, what happens? At best, you know, the man tries to make a move, right? So he goes from no leadership, no directness, uh, to trying to bridge this kind of divide by weirdly leaning in for an awkward kiss at the end of the, of the end of the date. And often this doesn't work. Or if it does work, you know, the woman accepts the kiss, it's not something that she's writing in a diary about, or, you know, lying awake thinking wistfully about. It's like, okay, that was a guy that didn't know what he was doing and then tried to get his kiss at the end. And therefore, it's fairly unlikely that she's going to want to continue this journey because there wasn't really a journey to begin with. There was just two people who agreed to meet somehow or other, and nothing really happened, and then he tried to jump five steps ahead at the end. Uh, and it doesn't leave her feeling much, right? She didn't feel like she was being led on an adventure. The directness overall was missing. Okay. And even if I made that one direct attempt to go and, you know, get my little, uh, lip smack at the end, it's not enough to ignite her feminine arousal. Right?

So, that's what we're looking at with directness. Again, it's an attitude, not an opener. It's a way of life. It's a way of being, as opposed to like, one thing I do at the beginning, theoretically, where I talk to a girl and I say, "You're beautiful. Can I ask you out?" Do that. You know, that's a thing to do. But then that needs to carry throughout the interaction.

So, now, if we look at these five kind of key areas, especially from stranger to lover, right? And then there's obviously what happens after that. But there are key touchstones where we need to be direct overall in order for it to have this momentum, to have this, you know, sexy narrative or storyline. And the first is, okay, my first impressions. Now, I talked briefly at the beginning about this. Can I be indirect verbally and still get a girl out on a date? Yes. Uh, as long as I'm, as long as it's clear at some point within the first minutes that this is not me just being friendly. Right? So, yes, I'm not an absolutist about always going and saying, "Hey, I saw you from there. I thought you were beautiful." Or, "I thought you look sexy in that dress today. What's your name?" Uh, although that is certainly something that I've done many times before in all sorts of variations, and it's something that I teach. And it's something that for a guy who has never really done that, who's never really verbally expressed his attraction or intention to a woman, it's really important that you do that a bunch of times to get used to it, 'cause it can feel like, it can feel like an internal barrier where it's like, there's this, there's this gap of like, how do I, how do I let her know? Or is that, am I allowed to do that? Is that creepy? Am I going to get rejected if I put that out? Uh, you know, is she going to feel awkward? Or whatever the, you know, internal problems that I generate to think that this is not a good thing to do.

Telling a woman that she looks sexy, that she's looks gorgeous, uh, that she caught your eye. This is a really powerful thing to do because it's upfront, uh, expressing your intention. Many men will go through their entire dating lives never doing that. Now, they may still somehow get on dates and get in relationships, usually through proximity and social circle, taking a long time of indirectness. And if it did work at some point down the track, you know, you're kind of in a social circle with a girl for months or a year or something, and then at some moment you finally pluck up the courage to ask her out. Most likely, you could have done that six months previously, right? If the woman was going to be attracted to you, it's usually going to happen really quickly, or not at all. Similar to men, like women's attraction to men is not something that needs to slow burn over many months, right? To build, I don't know, huge amounts of comfort before she's willing to switch into something romantic. Typically, women categorize men pretty quickly into, you know, friend or friendly zones, uh, kind of irrelevant, someone that she has to interact with at work or study or whatever, creepy and weird men that she's doesn't find attractive, wants to stay away from, and potential romantic sexual prospects, right? And it is difficult to transition between those once you've been put in one of those categories. So, it's much better to upfront let her know why you're here.

Now, this, you know, when we, when we talk about this on this channel, and the way you would know me doing it is by doing kind of classical day game, right? Which is going to busy streets, running up and down the streets, running up to women, you know, out of the blue with no context, and trying to start an interaction. Now, this is a, a really good skill. I mean, I've been promoting it for over a decade. A vital skill to be able to develop. And the reason that I teach that on workshops, as opposed to, I don't know, like strolling around a farmer's market and, and starting an interaction that way, is that we need volume of approaches. Right? If you're someone who doesn't have a lot of experience with women or with dating, or you're, you know, single and you need to get some, get some dates, then the most effective, fastest way will be to go out to busy areas and start to try and start interactions cold. But it's not the only arena where this is going to be present. And a lot of guys kind of get mentally turned off from that because it seems like a big deal to jump from nothing to running up to people on the streets. There is lots of ways to warm up for that. You know, it doesn't have to be, uh, painful, doesn't have to be a grind. Uh, but it is the best way to do this quickly.

However, throughout your life, it's likely that you're going to come into proximity and contact with women in all sorts of ways, in warm and cold, uh, situations. Right? So, okay, there's someone in your university lecture and you made eyes with them once or twice. The indirect man will wait around for you to be put in a group together and you try and work out a way to be in the project with her or something like this, some indirect kind of, what will be perceived actually as kind of a sneaky way to to get into an interaction with a girl. Or, or you're at a party or, or some kind of social event where there's a, a woman that you don't know, but you're in, you're in the same social, you know, warm environment. And it is the men that roll over to that woman and are calibrated, right? Because directness is not, like, let's get this clear. It's not just just saying like, just talking about her beauty. It's really, as long as, as long as my, there's no excuse, right? As not, as long as I'm not trying to use something else as a reason to to talk to the woman, then it is direct if my intention and my attitude projects that, right?

So, if I'm at a social event, whatever it is, and I see someone and I walk over and I say, "Hi, I haven't actually met you before. I wanted to introduce myself." That's direct because what you know, it's not verbally sexually direct, but it's like, here's me, here's me interacting with you, that's why I'm here, right? And that shows a level of confidence and self-assurance which is rare, actually, because so many men think they need some crutch, prop, excuse to go and begin an interaction when you don't, right? And that's what we do cold on the street. That's what you can do in all sorts of other social environments, and that sets the tone, right?

Now, even if I did initially open or start a conversation with something that was indirect, okay, I'm at the party and I, and I walk up to the lady and I say, "Excuse me, um, how do you know the host?" And, and I, and we talk about how we know that person together. And then I say, "All right, well, it's fantastic to meet you. Tell me a bit about yourself." And then, you know, a minute or two into that interaction, when it's calibrated and it makes sense, I can say, "I really like the way you dress. It's, it's understated, elegant. It really suits you." And in that moment, project a little intention where I look deep into her soul, then, you know, giving her that verbally direct compliment in that moment makes sense, right? Whereas, yeah, sure, if it's a, at a party, and I roll up and I say, "Excuse me, I saw you from over there and I had to say, you look gorgeous tonight." That can be too much, right? It could be a bit full-on. Whereas, uh, you know, in a busy street, and I go, "Stop, lady, I can't let you walk by. You're blowing my mind. I have to meet you." Right? Okay, so something that's a bit more audacious or, uh, you know, out there, uh, can be really powerful.

So, there is a lot of nuance to to this understanding of directness. But if we keep it in mind at the core of like, I'm doing my job, which is to present myself, to find out about her, to let her know that this is not just friendly. All right, then I'm fostering directness, and it's going to have an effect on the woman, right? Now, okay, obviously, it can have the effect where she's like, "Oh, okay. This guy's kind of hitting on me, and I got a boyfriend, or I don't, I'm not interested." And then she'll give you some signals to let you know. She'll make her excuses and she'll leave. She'll tell you that she has a boyfriend or whatever it is. And that's a good thing, right? Because it meant, it means that message was received, right? It's like she's like, "Okay, dude. He's hitting on me. I'm not available. I need to let him know in some kind of way. Cool. You have done your job." And, and I know for myself, going through this process over many years, that I only feel regret, uh, when I don't take the action. When I come up against that barrier, where where I've done my job, I've let her know why I'm here, and I've made my attempt, and then she blocks that, then I tend to feel really good because I know I've gone as far as I could. I know that I worked on my masculinity. I know that I went for what I wanted. Uh, and I'm also have the grace to accept that I can't always get what I want, but overall, uh, I will, right? Because that is my will and my drive, and that is my operating procedure.

So, this, you know, beginning of the interaction, going and starting the conversation, introducing yourself, shaking her hand or giving her a kiss on the cheek, whatever the cultural norm is, looking her in the eyes with a little sleepy, dreamy, sexy look from time to time. Don't, don't be, don't layer that on too thick, 'cause that can be sleazy. But it's to let her know, downwards tonality, looking into her eyes, cheeky smile, telling her something that you like about her, right? That's, that's another form of of directness. It's not just about a physical compliment. It's like, you're, you're really animated, or I love how, uh, clear you were about that answer. Or, okay, that's, that's fascinating. I wasn't expecting that about you. Tell me more about that. Right? Showing direct interest in her as a, as a human being that has, that has an infusion of flirtation or sexuality. You know, it's, I'm not just the giggly, fun, friendly guy who's, you know, interested in everybody and wants to chat to everybody, which is a good thing. You know, good to be that person in general, but when it's go time with a woman, then I have to adjust the, the tone of it, right? So, it needs to have a sense of masculine directness that is under my sexual attraction, or my, you know, my interest in her as a woman is something you develop over time.

But we have have these touchstones or these, these key points where we know that, okay, I need to be direct at certain points. I need to be direct in the beginning by rolling up in some kind of way and making my presence felt and starting a conversation. It's good to let her know at some, some point directly what it is that I'm, that I like about her. And then, very important, is to get in the habit of asking women out. Like, you know, I've listened to thousands of interactions on the microphones when I'm out taking guys in the streets, and I've heard so many times where an interaction has started. It's going fine. The girl's quite happy to chat. Uh, she's not making excuses. She's not going anywhere. And then the guy goes, "All right, well, lovely to meet you. I better go." And he's the one that blows himself out or leaves. And I, you know, always I'm like, "Whoa, whoa, why did you go? Why did you leave?" And he's like, "Oh, well, I felt like it wasn't going to work, or I didn't know what to say next," or whatever. And in that case, I, if whether wherever it's possible, I say, "Run back there and say these words: Sorry, I forgot to ask you. Would you like to go out with me? Or I'd love to take you out? Or one more thing before you, before you go. Uh, actually enjoyed talking to you and I'd love to take you out." And many, many times I've heard that work, even though that's like not ideal, right? To like, kind of eject from a conversation and then run back. It's okay. You know, it's not perfect, but that can still work. And seduction doesn't need to be perfect. It needs to be good enough. It needs, uh, for the woman to feel like saying yes is the right thing to do. And she's, it's not rocket science. It's not an exact science. If she's single and she met meets a guy, then often she's open to seeing him again.

So, learning to shoot your shot without waiting for some express permission or obvious signal that the woman may or may not give, uh, is vital because these directness points tend to be points where you have to jump into a little bit of an abyss, right? Like, there's, we're not certain of the outcome. We don't have an assurance that it's going to work. And a common thing for men to want to do is to wait until they have, you know, it's clear, yeah, that this is definitely going to work. Well, then you'll miss many opportunities where it would have. And the woman's not giving, you know, the signals, or the licking her lip, or, you know, like the five things I'm testing to see if she's into because she just has kind of a neutral face, or because she's a bit shy, or because she, she wasn't sure yet. But the moment that I go, "Listen, I got to go, but, um, I find you really fun to be around and you're, and you're very pretty. Can I take you out sometime? Would you like to go out with me? I'd like to take your number. Uh, I'd like to meet up with you perhaps later tonight or tomorrow." And you see the way I phrase it. This is I'm saying, "I want, I'd like to," as opposed to, um, "So, was, do you want to hang out sometime?" Or, "Shall we swap contact information?" No, that's, I mean, yeah, okay, like, better than nothing, right? At least you're asking in some kind of way. Or, you know, "Oh, shall I follow you on Instagram or something?" Yeah, okay, that's all right, and that could work. But by me stating again, in these moments where it's important for the man to be direct, "Here's what I want. Here's what I propose." That's sexy. That's confident. And the woman again will respond with either there's a barrier where, "Oh, well, he's asking me out. No, I've got a boyfriend." And she shuts you down. Cool. You did your job. You came up against, you made your proposal, and she's not into it. Good. You can walk away with your head held high. Uh, or, very commonly, a woman can be sitting on this, "Maybe, maybe not, probably not, maybe yes" zone when it comes to a given man that she's speaking with. And that's totally fine. We can maneuver within that. And it's understandable. In many cases, you're a complete stranger. So it would, it is rare for her to be like, "Oh, I hope he asked me out." Sometimes, you know, some girls are really eager, or she really likes you, or she's really single and has been for too long, and she's like, "Finally, a man." But more often than not, she'd be on the like, "Maybe, maybe not." And the very action of you being clear and direct triggers something in her where she's like, "Oh, he means it. Oh, he's serious. Oh, he, he actually wants to take me out." And therefore, there's that leadership request, which hopefully sounds fun and easy to follow. Right? So, a girl can go from maybe to, "Anyway, listen, it's been fun, and I like your vibe. Can I take you out tonight?" "Okay. Why not?" Right? Because it's clear. It's a clear, direct proposal, and it shows that this man is real. This man is masculine. This, this man is serious about this. And that hopefully, and more likely, to activates something in her where she's like, "All right, I want to be led by a man who wants to take me out, right? Who wants to meet me tonight, right? Who wants to get my number so that we can hang out very soon, right?" Making it clear that, yeah, I'm not exchanging contacts. Yeah, I'm getting a contact so that I can see you very soon. And just on that, in general, it's best to ask a girl out within 24, 48 hours, right? Don't, don't try and plan. I mean, sometimes you have to because of logistics, but don't plan a date seven days in advance. People forget. New people. People have other lives. There is competition out there. And as I said at the beginning, if a woman's going to be attracted to a man, she typically is attracted quickly, or not at all. So, let's generate that momentum, which is like, "Wow, flirty exchange on the street or at this party or at this event where I wasn't expecting that." And then the man said, "Can I take you out tonight?" And she's like, "Well, it's Tuesday, and I don't have anything to do tonight. Why not?" And of course, she can say, "Oh, no. I'm busy tonight." And say, "All right, well, how about tomorrow? Uh, maybe we can grab a coffee before your class or after work or whatever." And then if she says, "I'm not sure." Don't then like, you know, keep listing the next seven days in a row. Okay, if you've, you've made a proposal for tonight or tomorrow, and she can't do those, say, "All right, well, it's not. I'll get you contacts. I'll text you tomorrow, and we'll, we'll see when we can arrange something."

So, this is, you know, your front end where being directness is absolutely key because nothing will happen otherwise. And there have been inevitably in your life and in countless people's lives, so many situations where someone would have said yes. They would have said yes, but the guy didn't ask, or he asked in a half-assed way, or he, you know, tried to make it about, "Oh, let's meet up to, you know, study or to check out this thing together, or so you can pick my brains, or I can pick yours about something," right? Like using something external to you. And I've, I've heard that many times on microphones, guys trying to sell the date, right? Like leading in with like, "Oh, so have you been to this particular bar?" And she's like, "No." And, "Oh, they have this decor, and they have this, you know, the baristas, the barman are amazing," and, you know, trying to paint this picture of this thing, uh, and then going, "Oh, well, maybe if one time, you know, you wanted to go, we could go together." Because what does that say? It says to her, "All I got is this like, the bar that you haven't been to, and I'm going to show that to you, and hopefully that's impressive and interesting enough that you want to spend some time with me." No, right? Like, yeah, you could take her to a bar that you like, or that has, or a place or an activity which might be interesting, or might be fun, or might be something she hasn't experienced before, but that's secondary to the fact that it's you and her going out. The vast majority of my dates over the last many years have been a cup of tea and a walk, one drink at a cozy, logistically useful bar, uh, you know, a little picnic, a bike ride, simple stuff, right? Because it's not about the thing we're doing. It's about her and I sharing time together and getting to know each other. And, okay, we'll do something. Okay, we're not just going to sit in a white box staring at each other. We'll do something, but that doesn't really matter. What matters is that I want to take you out. So, absolutely keep that in mind as your, as the front end of your directness.

So, this leads us into moving into our initial dates. Obviously, we as the man are the one that's going to need to text or call. We're going to need to be the one that sets up the logistics. Very, very rare will the woman take command of this. Never give a woman your number and say, "Call me." I know there's some dating coaches who promote that. They won't call. They won't text. Maybe that'll happen once. You know, this has happened to me once in my life that I can remember, uh, in Norway, back in many years ago. I still remember it 'cause it was so, such a rare occurrence. No, you have to be the person that asks for contact details and then gets things moving quickly, right? Because this can be another thing where guys sit, "Oh, [ __ ] What do I say in the first text? It has to be interesting. I have to, uh, maybe I better think about it. Maybe I better leave three days so I don't look needy. Although I feel needy. Okay. Ben, and I start to overthink it. No, I need to just get contacts through my funnel and start moving them through and seeing if they go anywhere. Of course, you're going to get flakes. Everyone gets flakes. The most dangerous position is from the first meeting to the first date. That's where you're most likely to lose, you know, the women. And that's part of the game. People will feel like for a moment or ten minutes that they wanted to meet you, and then life happens, and then they don't want anymore. And so my directness is to make my proposal. "Hey Delilah, absolute pleasure to bump into you today. Looking forward to hanging out. Let's meet up tonight." Now, you know, that's, that's, that's like a little pleasant, uh, snapshot to her of this is the impression I had, and I'm proposing that we meet again. Generally, I'm not like, "Let's meet 9:00 p.m. at this corner of this and this thing. Here's the Google pin." I'm pinging that out there. She gives me something back, which is a smile or a lull, or, "Yeah, that was cool to meet." That's all I need, right? Because I'm direct. Because I know what, what is my aim here is to move things forward, to take leadership. So, she gets to follow and have fun, and it's going to be good for both of us at the end. Definitely. And then hopefully after the end, it'll be good again. Cool. She gives me anything back. All right. "How's 9:00 p.m. tonight? We could meet, uh, in the city square or whatever, right?" And then she gives something positive, and then I lock it in, and I go, "All right, cool. So, I'll see you there at 9:00. Looking forward to it." Right? So, the decisiveness and the directness leading through the texting exchange, right? As opposed to, I become her Instagram friend and like her photos. Don't ever like the photos of a woman that you haven't had sex with unless it's your friend, right? Because it is the simpest move out there. Uh, and no woman ever goes on a date with a guy that likes her photos unless, no, just let's just say never does, except for that one time maybe she did. It doesn't work. It's, that's an indirect thing. It's an indirect like, "Oh, I kind of like you. Can you notice that?" And then what you, I'm expecting her to then reach out to me. Very, very unlikely.

So, when we move into the date itself, whatever the date form takes, this is where really where I need to embody my directness like as a, you know, as the underlying harmonics. I know what is the point of the date. The point of the date is to get to know each other, to start touching her, to hopefully activate by my masculine projection, to ignite her feminine reciprocity, uh, for an, an attraction and arousal to exist. Right? And it's not so much that I'm trying to create attraction, it's that I'm allowing it to be there. So, I have to do my part to to ignite or activate her part of the attraction process.

So, what does that mean? Well, it means, you know, from the beginning of the day when I see her, I don't shake her hand awkwardly, or I don't wave at her and go, "Oh, hey." It's like, I say, "Hey, you look amazing." Because probably she dressed up a bit, right? Or you look, I mean, even if she's in jeans and t-shirt, but she's washed and, you know, she has a bit of makeup on. "You look really cool today. You look lovely. Oh, it's, it is awesome to to see you again." Yeah. These, these like indicators of interest, this is not supplicating, right? This is not me giving away power. This is me showing how I feel about her, that I'm still interested. Yeah. That, that she is appealing to me. Because women want to feel like a, a beauty or a sex object to men that they want to be objectified by. Right? Just to be clear, that's not wolf whistling and screaming, you know, things about body, women's body parts to them on the street. But it's like, she came to the date, and if she's putting any, any effort into it, then I should reward her for that. And that's going to make her feel more sexy. And when she feels comfortable, sexy, relaxed, then she's going to much more likely feel aroused and want to feel more sexy by me giving her more validation, right? In different ways. Cool.

So, I say, "Hey, come here." Not lean lurching in, and I give her a hug. Or I take her by the hands, run my hands down her shoulders to her hands, step back and look at her, say, "Wow, you look incredible. You look sexy." Or, "I love this outfit." Whatever it is. Okay, give verbal intention with clear internal intention being projected as well. Maybe it's, you know, a couple of kisses on the cheek or whatever. And then look, there's all sorts of ways, but I might hook my arm and say, "Shall we?" Maybe she's in heels, and that's, that's appropriate, or that's, that's a gentlemanly thing. Or maybe I just run my hand down the inside of her arm, take it by the hand, said, "Let's go." And then I just lead her to the, you know, the stoplight, for example, and then I let go of the hand. Right? In that, in just in those moments, I've exhibited more leadership, more directness than most men she will have ever been on a date with, sober. Right? Sure, there may be situations where she's had drunken kind of hookups or something where the man has, uh, you know, he's inebriated enough that he starts making moves, but they typically not very graceful. Uh, and it's less much less common to have a gentleman who is being verbally, intentionally, and physically direct with her. It's a really powerful thing to experience on the female side. Just those moments of like appreciation, looking incredible, take her by the hand, or put your arm around her lower back. Or even if it's just, you know, just running a hand briefly down the back and leading her in a direction. These words, "Let's go," "Come with me." That ignites this thing in her. It's like, okay, he's in charge. It's not that she doesn't have agency. She could say, "Oh, actually, I'm not, you know, it's, it's a bit cold today. Do you mind if we don't do the walk? Can we do something else?" I'm not rigidly attached to my plan, right? Because the plan is just a, is just a road map for us to maneuver through to spend time together. But I am attached to the fact that I'm going to be initiating things. I'm going to be leading things. And if it becomes more appropriate because it's her city and I'm a foreigner there or something, and she says, "Oh, actually, it's faster to go this way." Then I go, "Cool, let's go this way then." Right? She said, "Let's go. It's better that way." And I say, "All right, then let's go or lead on." Right? I can lead her to lead me in certain situations. That's cool, too, because that shows that I'm not pretending to be direct, right? Because often the arrogant or the insecure man tries this thing on as kind of like mech armor or something where he's like, "Okay, I need to tell her what to do and tell her what's happening all the time." And then if she counters that, or she disagrees, or wants to do something different, or, or, or says that my proposal, or, you know, gives a better direction, or something, "Oh no, I'm losing power and I'm losing my frame and I can't let her take control." [ __ ] all that. No, it's like, I'm, I'm an adaptable human who's like, "Okay, sometimes she's going to know the better way, or she speaks the language, and so it's better if she, if I say, well, can you order me a gin and tonic 'cause this guy doesn't speak English?" That's not a loss of power at all. Right? That's showing confidence and directness of like delegating, delegating tasks, or solving small issues, right? Which is one of the, the most sexy things and most direct things that a man can do is deal with the fact that everything's not working perfectly all the time and be cool with it and still lead that into some kind of adventure that works.

So, this, you know, this works step by step, and there'll of course be all sorts of variations on what a date may look like. But if we took something kind of typical, which is sitting and drinking a hot or cold cup of something, uh, then cool. I want to make that conducive to us being cozy, and for it being sexy, and for it allowing for it to lead somewhere else fairly rapidly, right? So, that's simple things like, okay, have a plan of where we're going to go that's logistically appropriate. It's that when I go into a venue that I get things sorted, right? There's a big queue and there's people milling around and it's not very well organized. So, I go over and say, "Excuse me. Uh, don't mean to bother you if I need to interject, but, uh, what's, what's the seating arrangement like here?" Yeah. Making sure that we get settled. Or we find that the situation just doesn't [ __ ] work because it's totally packed out. We don't have a reservation. In which case, I adapt and I say, "How about, uh, to my lady, there she is. Uh, how about we just get a takeaway coffee and go for a stroll?" All right. That, that is awesome, right? Because I'm like, okay, we've reached some impass. I can't just go, "What do you think? How do, can you fix it for me?" No, it's like, "Okay, I'll figure out and make something work." [ __ ] the plan, adapt, and then it's the plan is working perfect, right? So, it's ideally that we don't want to be sitting opposite each other, right? So, if she sits opposite, then I will take, and I've done this many times. I take the chair and I say, "I'm going to come sit next to you. It's, I find it a little awkward sitting opposite." Directness. What's the purpose of that? It's so that we don't have to sit opposite each other watching each other eat for an hour, right? That we can sit cozy next to each other. That I can then start physical escalation by bumping my knee against hers, or placing my hand on her hand when I'm making a point, and so on, right? So figuring out directly what is the, what is going to be most conducive for us to be, uh, close to each other. And if for whatever reason we find ourselves in a situation where, okay, we have to sit in a situation that's not perfect, then I'm going to not sit there forever. All right, we have the cup of tea, and I say, "Hey, let's get out of here. Let's take a walk," because I can feel that this vibe, this dynamic is starting to calcify, or it's, or it's, it's not going anywhere, right? I, the place is too loud. It's too bright. Uh, you know, it smells a bit. The waiter was rude. It's not, whatever it is. And we just like, "Okay, this, this current location situation is not really working." So, the direct man goes, "All right, [ __ ] this. Let's get out of here." Those words, "Let's get out of out of here. Come with me. Uh, you want to bounce? Let's go. Uh, I think let's go somewhere else." I've done that many times where I've been in cities where I didn't really know, and I know the place well. I arrange, I look on Google, whatever. I'm like, "Okay, there's a bar that looks all right." And then I roll up, and it's full of frat boys, or a hens party, or it's totally packed out, or it's totally empty, or the music's [ __ ] awful, or something about it where I'm like, "H, this is not the spot." Right now, we can like suffer through and deal with it. Or we can, I can, I've said this many times. "You know what? Personally, I think this place sucks. Uh, let's try somewhere else." And I might even say, "Do you know a place nearby that you, that you love that you find cozy?" Because it's her city, for example, and she doesn't, she knows better than I do. This is still super direct, right? We can, we can combine our resources here. We can combine our knowledge and work together, but I'm the one that's, you know, taking lead and making things happen, even if that means deferring the decision making to her in that situation, right? So, I make it work in whatever way it has to.

I had a situation not that long ago where I'd arranged to meet a lady at a cafe, but it was raining that day. And she, and, you know, I text her in the morning and I said, uh, you know, "So, we're still cool to meet at whatever time?" And she said, uh, "I'd rather stay somewhere cozy." How did she phrase it? "I'd rather stay somewhere out of the rain." Right? Now, in this case, what I did was, uh, I took very direct leadership and I said, "Well, we could maybe grab a coffee, but then your hair is going to get wet, or you could just come straight over for a tea and spanking." And she came straight over for the tea. And we did have the tea and the spanking, right? Because, you know, sometimes the, we can make these big jumps of directness to to skip over the date, or to skip the second date, or to, uh, you know, lead ourselves to a seduction location. Now, not saying you should text that to every woman every time. It's high risk, high reward, and I had a feeling there was there was enough of a vibe there that she might be down for that. But you need to be aware of those things where sometimes women will give you opportunities to make big jumps. They will give hints. Right? If a girl that you went on one date with texts you on a Tuesday, and she texts you on a Friday at like 9:00 p.m. and says, "Hey, what's, what are you doing this evening?" Or, "What are you up to?" Or something like that. What is it? WYP. Whatever the kids say. I'm going to assume that that's an opportunity for us to go straight to the boudoir, to the bedroom, and I'll say, "I was going to have a quiet night in, but you should come over and join me." Right? And then like, she, maybe that's too big a jump. She says, "Oh, you know, well, maybe a drink first or something, or I don't feel comfortable coming over." Okay, she can deny that request, and then I can back it, back it off a bit directly, right? Okay, no worries. Well, why don't we grab one drink just down the road, and then, you know, it is kind of a booty call, but she didn't want to let it know, let it be known by coming straight over. Although I've had many experiences where the woman does, because she's already been on the date, she's like, "I liked him enough. I'd like to get in bed with him. I don't necessarily want to go out and do a whole dinner thing. I'll give him a little hint that I'm horny or I'm interested." Always perceive those hints, uh, as green lights, and then, then operate directly, making your request or your offer, and then readjust if you find that it wasn't what you thought it was, or it needs to be downgraded to some degree. Right?

So, this directness, you can see, permeates through the interaction, through the dates. The types of touching that I'm doing is not constant, but it is, uh, relatively often, and it's simple stuff, as I mentioned before. It's like when I'm sitting next to her on a couch, or, you know, at this angle at a, a little table, I'll deliberately place, as I lean over, I'll place my knee on her knee. You can't see that, but I'm just placing my knee on the

imaginary knee. I'll place my hand on her hand when I'm making a point, or I'll touch her on the shoulder or the arm. Or if she's showing something on the phone, I'll, you know, or I'm showing, looking at her rings or something like this. We call these legitimate touch opportunities or reasons to touch, but I make the reason. It's like, okay, cool. I'm looking at your phone with you and I place my hand behind you and then I give a little touch like that, you know, which indicates yes, you know, this is an escalation.

This is the kind of thing that means that we don't end up in that shitty situation where there's no touch and no vibe, and at the end I'm like, uh, random kiss attempt. It's that there has been a smoldering, an increase in the polarity, in the sexual attraction, the sexual tension between us that's happening over the date, which is uh generated and led by my directness, by me making decisions to make little incremental escalations. And there's all sorts of ways, by just looking her in the eyes for a moment in her soul and just think, you're [ __ ] sexy. I want you. Or like just eating her with your eyes, not not for long, but you know, momentarily. And if she holds it and throws it back at you, you know, and then when you touch her, she places her hand on your hand, like these are the things where she's doing her job too, to go, yes. You know, I raise the stakes, in which case, you know, I know that the date is cooking and now it's time to extract and take her home, right? Instead of me committing to another hour of conversation, if I see that, okay, there's a good vibe. And I'll say, then I'll just say, "Do you want to get out of here?" Or "Shall we go?" Or "Maybe," you know, maybe I add to that that there's a thing if if I'm not sure and she's a bit shy. "Let's take a walk before you go home." Or "Why don't we go hang out at my place with a cup of tea before you go home?" All right. So, there's the plausible deniability. It's not a big deal. She doesn't have to make any decision right then and there. She can always change her mind. But that sounds easy and fun, and he's taking leadership. "You want to go relax for a bit? Let's go chill somewhere." "Yeah. Let's go hang at my place." "Uh, let's go listen to some music." Right? So it's like I'm not using, it's not an excuse. It's the subtext has been clear because there's been this directness that's been happening all throughout the interaction. Right?

So if we move, we move from one venue to another, for example, and I, and I keep things moving. Keep it fun. Keep it moving. Uh, and often fun is just created by momentum. It's like, hey, we had a cup of tea for or a drink for 30 minutes. Then we take a stroll and we walk through to a park or we walk through the bar area and you know, uh, enjoy the weirdness and wonderfulness of people being trashed doing dumb [ __ ] or whatever, you know, whatever the physical location allows for. Uh, and then I say, "Hey, let's let's head this way. Let's go to my place." Right? So, and I, and at some point I'm going to have to do that, right? I'm going to have to like verbalize that we're going to my place, or if it makes sense to go to hers, to say, "Well, should we head to yours?" Mostly I would suggest taking it to yours if that's at all possible. And again, like how else can I do that if I'm not being direct? Like just kind of walk around in circles until we're at the apartment. Go, "Oh, well, actually, this is my place here." I've tried that. That's not good. The girls like, "Oh, really? It's just just happened to be here, is it?" No, this is the indirectness that women find unappealing and often either can be, I mean, even they can find it dangerous because it's like I'm in a way trying to trick her to to come somewhere. You know, that can be the sign of a man who would be dangerous to spend time with. Uh, or he's just not upfront and honest. She's not getting any of that sense of he knows what he wants. You know, this is this is a confident man. This is masculine man. This is a trigger puller. Following this guy is going to be fun and exciting. No, it's the that's is the guy who's like, "Oh, we just happen to end up somewhere." I've had that before. You know, I say, "Let's take a walk." And I, you know, walking for a bit and the girl says, "Where are we going?" Said, "Well, I'm going to walk to my place and I'm going to invite you up if you'd like to come." I say it because it needs to be said at some point, or if it's, you know, sometimes it is implied by I say, "Do you want to get out of here?" And she says, "Yes." Then I don't, then it's clear that the subtext was, "We're going to a bed, by the way." And she's like, "I know, right?" So I don't always have to say, you know, "Do you want to come to my apartment and have sex?" It would be very rare that that would work. It's much better to leave the to have sex as subtext and the "Do you want to go to my place? Let's get out of here." Uh, "a little drink at mine before you go home" with that intention being unashamedly projected clearly, right? It's and that's again another one of those places where the woman will will have to make a decision then, "Am I going or not?" "Oh, look, I um I've really got to get up early for work tomorrow." "No problem at all. Well, in that case, uh, if you finish your drink, let's get you to your taxi or to your subway or let's get you home." Cool. The gentleman is not attached to the outcome. The gentleman is not rigid. The gentleman goes for what he wants. Uh, makes his attempt. When it reaches a situation where it won't go anywhere, then he gracefully ends that or you know, finishes the date or whatever it is. And that's left a really great impression and very likely that if I get another, I'm likely to get another shot at it, 'cause those are all powerful things to project. And then very likely next time, well, she knows that if she comes on a date, yeah, he's going to ask me home, right? So, probably she decides to come again, then probably she will. As long as she again has that vibe, that feeling that things are uh things are cooking, then very likely she's going to follow and it will work, right?

So, you need to keep this in mind because often guys really worry about running out of things to do or say on the date. But if we come back to our base principles here of like, okay, I'm here to project intention, lead, and escalate, and of course, to connect and communicate, right? So, I mean, we need to, we can't just sit there stonely stony-faced and then say, "Let's get out of here." Okay, there's the, you know, the other elements of rapport and conversation and and syncing up with the vibe of p of the person and relaxing, like, you know, there's lots of other elements at play, but it is it is the directness and the decision-making that continues the narrative along, right? Moves it from stalling points, which are often inevitable things where it's like starting to lose, you know, power or or it's that bracket of conversations over and you can feel like, hey, this is kind of waning now. Well, now would be a good time to to shift things, change the dynamic and move it physically, move somewhere else, get something else happening, uh, to continue this storyline, this little romance and love affair that we're both creating.

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