Transcription
Welcome back to No Filter Doze. Tonight's caller is 27, single for three years, and says her mom told her to wait on dating. Kevin shuts that down and calls it sabotage. Then he grills her on a sociology degree, her weight, and her six kid dream in Atlanta, forcing her to face the real numbers, and the kind of man she is asking for. Watch it all the way through. Hit like, subscribe, and make sure you show support to Kevin's original channel because we've got to keep his legacy alive.
>> How old are you?
>> Good. I'm good. 27.
>> 27. Okay. Um, so what do you think about >> when you start asking hard life questions like Okay. First off, McCormack, you gonna have to turn off the YouTube in the background. You're in in the stream. So, uh, what do you think? What do you have the What do you have for me on the topic? What are we talking about? The focus fallacy.
>> I've kind of gotten like inside of that inside of black culture too where they tell you you got to wait. I got out of five year relationship um probably about two three years ago about three years ago and everybody was telling me you need to focus on yourself. Um >> go to school and just wait on dating. Don't you know come back out. So now I've been stuck because I've been single now.
>> How long you been single?
>> Uh well not from the five year relationship it was got I've been talking to guys but it's been about three years since I've actually been in a real relationship.
>> You have any children?
>> No.
>> So who was telling you that you needed to wait?
>> My mom, my friends, my
>> What is What is her What is your mother's husband? What say? She doesn't have one. But
>> okay, then don't why you then why you listening to her?
>> She don't know what the [ __ ] she doing.
>> She definitely doesn't.
>> Well, I'm trying to say this because so many I'm going say I'm go ahead and ladies, let me tell you. Your mothers sabotage a lot of you. Your mothers love you, but they don't they they love you. They won't say it, but they don't want to see you do better than them. Because if they do, they will be moving differently. They will be telling you, "Daughter, don't make the mistake I did. Get a man. Do something. Learn how to cooperate with a man." So, um, what are you doing with yourself?
>> Well, now I'm in school. So, when I got out of that relationship that I wasn't doing nothing, so he basically took care of me. So now um when I got out of that, I'm in my last year. This is my last semester of school. So
>> what what are you going to school for?
>> Sociology.
>> Oh. Oh lord. Another useless degree.
>> And honestly,
>> what are you going to do degree in sociology? I actually I didn't realize that I wanted to do human resources until like now, but um that's pretty much I didn't I really got into um to sociology because
>> um I just wanted to learn more about like
>> it not really not because it's easy but because I like the research and I really wanted
>> Okay. But when you guys Okay, I want to know when you sat down with the college counselor and you were picking degrees, did you also did you pick a degree based upon the careers that it could produce?
>> No.
>> No.
>> I just
>> The answer is no. The answer is no. The answer is no. Where else? Where else can we where else can people go sign up for tens hund thousands hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of debt and not know what it's for.
>> Right?
>> That's what I'm trying to get to understand. If you're in the humanities, ladies, let me say this to the audience. If you're a woman with a humanity degree, sociology, psychology, uh, communications, business administration, business management, marketing, anything like that, you [ __ ] need a husband. science, technology, engineering, math, law, medicine, pharmacy, accounting, those are the kind of degrees that you might not need a husband. Mostly everything else, unless I missed them, if it ain't in the college of engineering, the college of mathematics, if it ain't over on that side of the campus with science, technology, engineering, and math, you need a husband. Unless you're going to the law school and then 27 sociology. I ain't had a relationship in three years. Cool. What's next?
>> I don't have a next.
>> Okay. At least
>> now. How tall are you?
>> I'm 55. Well, 5'6. Yeah. 56.
>> 56. Dress size.
>> Yeah. I wear 12 in dresses. So, I weigh about 180 pound. I think I'm Yeah, last time I weighed myself, I was 187 pounds. So, I definitely need definitely, but I used Granted I used to be 260 lbs when I was in that relationship. So, I definitely have um I guess gotten a little better.
>> Okay. All right. Let me let me come back to that. You know, you know everything I'm going to say. What what would I say right now
>> in these three years? Why haven't I been focusing way more?
>> Well, do you ever want to get married?
>> Definitely. I Yeah, definitely.
>> Do you want children?
>> Yeah, I want like six kids. Crazy, huh?
>> I want a big family. I've always imagined a big family, but
>> I'm late. I'm definitely late. No, no, no, no. See, y'all don't sound like y'all take life seriously,
>> right?
>> A woman who said she was 260 lbs, now you're down to 190. You're getting a sociology degree at 27. And you talking about you want six kids. You sound like kids who are going, you sound like kids who are go making after Christmas list. I want this. I want that. I want this. I want that. I want this. I want that. I want I want I want but yet but it's not serious because everybody has a sexual marketplace value. It's a credit rating. It's a it's an amount of money you get to spend on the marketplace. It's what you can afford. Men have it. Women have it. Can you afford a man that can afford six children? Is your sexual marketplace value high enough to afford a man who can provide for a wife and six children?
>> Well, no, but granted I do I will work. Like I'm not one of those women that's be like I'll put in 10%. Like I definitely can I definitely want to contribute to my household. Not only
>> what percentage of what percentage over what percentage of the family financial load do you want to have to be responsible for for a lifetime
>> for a lifetime? I mean, I'll say at least 40 to not to say I want to go half with him, but I definitely take up at least 40 to 50% because
>> 40 So meaning So meaning
>> if you stop bringing in income for any reason, the family is in serious financial jeopardy.
>> You're right.
>> Is that what you're saying? you want to have to be responsible for for a lifetime.
>> That that think about that question basically says what do you want to have to contribute meaning if it's not there what's at risk. So now under those framings, what do you want to have to be responsible for financially for the family for a lifetime?
>> I'll take that back. Give me about Give me I guess the normal answer 10 15 to 20%. Women we do have
>> you live in what state do you live in?
>> I live in Georgia, Atlanta. How much would a man need to make to afford a wife, six children in Atlanta?
>> I'mma assume at least 800K to above. But the thing is I really can't explain it. Like I'm not looking at the actual the dollar amount, I guess, because I watch my
>> Of course you're not because you ain't got to [ __ ] spend it.
>> Yeah, you're right. Ma'am,
>> you're right.
>> No cap.
>> Do you There's no nice way to ask this question. There's no nice way. And 800 thou What What kind of professions would a man need to have to make $800,000 a year? I'm going assume at least a lawyer, accountant. He has to be de engineer probably that shoot at this point an entertainer. He has like now that I think about it for 800K because they not even making that a year. So
>> So I want to go back to what I said five minutes ago. You you don't you're not serious. You're laughing. I mean I'm I'm asking you serious life questions. You're like an an an attorney, a lawyer, an accountant. What accountants do you know that are almost millionaires? Well, I was thinking more like a business, you know, like a like a like somebody, you know, into really high business. I mean, my cousin's into business and I know that he's bringing in at least half of a million dollars. So I'm
>> How old is your cousin?
>> What now? I think he's 42. 40 42 or
>> And what does your cousin do for a living?
>> Well, he works for Prim. So yeah, and they just seen his paycheck.
>> Well, I know because they have levels in Prim.
>> You've seen his paychecks?
>> No, but you seen his paychecks? No, ma'am. I know Prim. I have a lot of respect for Prim America. You've seen his paychecks?
>> No.
>> Okay.
>> What?
>> No, I haven't.
>> What professions, careers would a man need to do? You said an attorney. What percentage of attorneys would What kind of attorney would you do you think would make $800,000 a year? What kind of
>> defense?
>> Huh? What kind of practice?
>> Definitely. I would definitely say defense. Definitely defense.
>> Defense. Defense is just
>> or No, no, no. I say I'll say uh what's what is the one when they do wheels? Like probate or something like that? What's the one when they do like the wheels? Like when the big guys like pass over.
>> Okay.
>> Those people.
>> Okay. Tax Probate.
>> Something like that. Something like that.
>> Okay. And why I'm asking these questions is because I need you ladies out here to understand that women like I'm talking to and like so many you guys have just been able to go to you've been given a menu and said order whatever you want and you don't think about the cost. You don't think about anything. So this means a lot of you don't think about family planning or financial structures or anything else. So, when I start asking you questions about the man, it's like, uh, you can't even tell me what kind of law. Most attorneys don't make nowhere close to 800,000. Personal injury, corporate tax, but very few. Family, very, very few. And what percentage of men make $800,000 or more do you think?
>> Well, I would take that. I'm not even going to say that they need to make I feel like 800,000 kind of like
>> that. We're not going to change the number. We got the number. You can't change it because it's starting to get uncomfortable. You said six kids in Atlanta. You ain't going to be living in East Point,
>> right?
>> So, don't change it. And the thing is, what percentage of men do you think earn that kind of money? I'll say at least in Atlanta to definitely under 10%. Five. Under 5%. Under%.
>> Under what percentage?
>> I say under I say five. I say 5%.
>> The number is 800K.
>> No, ma'am. You're talking 10% of men earn $100,000 or more. You're talking about top three 5%. You're talking about in the onetenth of a percent. So see when I ran that number about single black millionaires, you're talking less than 200,000 men nationwide. Around 200,000 men. And here's where it gets really hard. Where it gets extremely hard. You don't have to know the profession. How old are you? 27. What's the oldest you would want your man to be?
>> Um, no older than 40. No, older than 40.
>> So, you want a almost a millionaire man at 40 years old?
>> Well,
>> ma'am, it is what it is. I'm not judging it. I'm just saying this is how irrational
>> I was really answering the question about 800k for six kids honestly.
>> Well, that's what you said you wanted.
>> But I wouldn't I wouldn't of course like you know be looking for a guy to make 800k. Like that's not kind of
>> Yeah, but you want to make but you want but you don't want to pay more than 10% of the family financial load and you do want children,
>> right? Do you want to marry an average man earning $41,000 a year, $2050 an hour?
>> No, that's no. Definitely not.
>> Ma'am, you're 5 foot seven, 187 pounds, down from 260. What would you rank yourself? Fresh face out of the shower. You can't use seven. Your natural face, your natural hair.
>> Uh, this is definitely my natural phase. I definitely Well, I give myself at least a seven. Eight. Eight.
>> I say you can't use seven.
>> Okay. Eight. Definitely a eight.
>> So, you put yourself up there with Beyonce.
>> Yeah. Yeah, I do.
>> Okay.
>> Yeah, I would.
>> Well, we don't. You are. You are five. You're average. You're a solid five. I guess it's all up to, you know, the person.
>> No, it's not. See, the difference is most people have opinions. I'm trained in this stuff,
>> right?
>> You can think highly of yourself, ma'am. But have you met Have you dated Have you seriously dated a man earning $200,000 or more
>> legally? Have you dated a man making $150,000 or more legally?
>> My ex, he made Yeah. But like I said, it didn't work. It didn't work. So,
>> okay. So, why do you think you can get four or five times more several years later? See, the ultimate question I was going to ask is, do you think a you or a woman like you is a worthy prize wife for a man that's in the top 1%? He's got to do a lot to be in that in that income bracket,
>> right?
>> So, do you fit that?
>> No. No. Not no.
>> Okay.
>> No. So, but my So, at least that's at least you got that now. But the question is, you give yourself an eight right up there. Beyonce. I mean, if we put your face and Beyonce's face next to one another, you're saying 50% of the men would say, "I want her." 50% of the men would say they want Beyonce. That's what you're saying to the audience.
>> That's what you say. You put yourself up there with her, man. Honestly, I honestly I really wouldn't care what um what somebody would rank my face or you know.
>> Well, see that can't be the answer. That can't be the answer. You that's the part of the problem. You ladies don't care but you freaking got to care because you ladies judge men all the time. But when we start stop why why wouldn't why wouldn't you care what men want if you want one of these men to pay for you and the kids I'm trying to make it make sense cuz you going to tell me I wouldn't care what they think. So, should should a man roll up to you? I don't care what you think about me making $41,000 a year. [ __ ] Submit to me and go make my babies. And what I'm trying to show you guys, I'm not trying to humiliate anybody. What I'm trying to show you guys is the is the difference in what women have been told that they can have it all. And you don't have to care about a man. And what just what I want? City girls we up and da da da and get the bag. And that's what this leads to to young women ex valuing themselves extremely high based upon little more than ego and personal pride. and you start trying to put some things to it that for a market and then it looks like I'm tearing people down. But yet you do the same thing to men. I do have a question though. Why would you not be okay with an average man, an average earning? What do you do for You said you got you want to get a degree in uh sociology, right?
>> You get a degree in so Okay. Um, so you'll be an HR or something like that, right?
>> Not. Yes. I'm actually an intern now with my job for
>> Okay. HR professional.
>> Can you not hear me?
>> Yeah. Yeah, I can hear you.
>> HR professional.
>> Yeah.
>> Okay. You can't nod your head. You just got to answer cuz Okay.
>> Oh, sorry. Yeah.
>> You got to be audible. We got to show. You can't Okay. So that means you're going to be earning between 40 and $60,000 a year. That's the average around 50,000. Why can't you get with a man who's average earning too? Honestly, that's what I was honestly that's I'm that's why I was saying 800K was kind of high because I feel like even with me making let's say about 50 to 60k and then he's making another you know even if he was making like 80k 90
>> No no not 80 not 80 not 80 is in the top 15% I said 41 average Um, I don't know. I don't I guess I guess I guess it depends on the person.
>> No, it doesn't. Of course,
>> cuz cuz see what you're doing right now is you're sitting there trying not to offend men, but ultimately saying you will be settling for a man earning average money.
>> I kind of don't want to be making more than my husband though. Of course not. I don't want to make
>> Hold on. Hold on. You're not guaranteed to make more. HR professional, HR people earn 40 to 60 where you are. And if I can pull up the numbers in Atlanta, it's going to be around 42.
>> I honest Well,
>> and here's the problem. And here's the problem with that. If you don't want to be making more, no, no, don't over talk me. If you don't want to make more, then you should have got married early.
>> This is a this is what women often do. I don't want to be making more than my husband. Yet you guys wait too long to where you're earning too much. You ain't earning nothing yet. But I want to know from all my average men out there why you are why they aren't good enough.
>> I never said they I never said they wasn't good enough.
>> Okay. Then why they don't why they're not why why guys like that wouldn't be fit. Whatever it is, ma'am, when I asked you could you make would you be willing to marry a man making 41,000? You definitively said no three times. So when we come back in here talk about what they got to do and split hairs, you didn't make those concessions back then. This conversation is helping people whether it's comfortable or not. It really is,
>> right?
>> Because I want you to understand that your non-black counterparts don't do this. White women get with average white men. Hispanic women get with average Hispanic men. Middle Eastern Asian other, they get with average men, especially average. We got women in our community who, you know, you were a large woman at one point and even losing weight, you're still bigger than a man. You know that. Okay. You've got no children. You would give yourself from a pride standpoint an an eight. Cool. I give you closer to a five. All right. No. Either way, you're not a you're not Anyway, I don't want to split that head. I don't want to go down that path because it go too. But either way, it puts you around the average to above average category. There are men who would say you're below average based upon your weight. I'm going to be honest. There are men who would say you're below average based upon your weight and then uh the tattoos and all the other kind of stuff, but I'm not making those judgments. My thing is there you seem to want men who are outside of what a lot of men would perceive as the sexual marketplace value. And then when I asked you about that, the answer I recall you saying is you don't care what they think.
>> Well, I was saying I don't care what they think as far as my looks. Like if somebody was to be like, "Oh, I feel like she's a five or I feel like she's like that does not bother me because I'm not sleeping with those people that think about that about me or I don't even care what they would think about me because I'm never going to see those people." So I don't
>> Okay. Well, okay. So my qu my my retort to that is there are men in the market. What men do you care about then?
>> The man you would want, right?
>> Yeah. The man I want one, not somebody that's just gonna troll me on the internet,
>> ma'am. Ma'am, it's not about a man trolling you on the internet. And those and the men that you would want have higher standards than the men you f that you think are trolling you. That's the point. The men that I'm talking about are just a cross-section of men, average men. But you want an above average or an elite level man. And those men want even more. So if you don't care what the guys who are trolling you ain't worth your time, are you what the men you want? Are you what they want from a woman? I definitely have work to do. Let me feel it. I still have more work. If
>> you got work to do, that's always the question. If you got work to do, if there are women that are already there and it's crowded up there, and this is what this is what men Why are you so fix Why do you have to get one of those? Why can't you get a man that's that's already on the level you're at right now? Because if you're saying you gota you not So what you are saying is I'm not up there yet. That's what I think we're both hearing you say. Am I right?
>> Uh
>> you said I got work to do which means I'm not there yet.
>> Right. I Yeah. I still feel like I definitely want if you're Hold on. If you're not there yet, that means I still got work to do. Yes or no?
>> Correct.
>> Right. But where you are right now, would you accept the man where you are right now? And where you are right now is much better than where you were when you were 260 pounds. I would I would like I don't have a problem with somebody. It's just that I I find it like dudes that make a I guess I'm not even going to say 40. Dudes that making it like let's say the warehouse jobs that normally these dudes work now like if they're making like $30,000 they don't have for me I feel like they don't have enough ambition. like they don't want to get up and go out do things like they it seems like they're all about just talking and not actually doing things. It seems like the only guys well in my experience that I've come across that are open to, you know, living life are older guys that's making more money. The the and it seems like when I get with guys that are making less, I'm doing more than them. I.e. helping them get car helping them uh get a car like their car breakdown or I'm helping them pay.
>> You went all the way down to a guy who's you you went to to a guy who's making 30,000. That's not a guy who's making average money.
>> You just tried to You equated Hold on. Hold on. I'll let you speak. I let you speak. You equated a guy who's making average money to a guy who's making $15 an hour and lacks ambition. And that's disrespectful to average men. I won't let you do that. I let you speak because I want you to get your thought. No, I let you speak because I want you to get your thought out. But I do want you women to start making different distinctions because you talk about men like we're all the same in their levels. And what has come through is the men that you want are above your level. And the men that are on your level, you don't necessarily want. And you say because they lack ambition. Well, ma'am, the men who have ambition have wives that look like that. That's the hardcore reality. Being in HR is not ambitious. It's a job. And this is part of that city girl, get the bag, we up, such and so forth. You got average women talking like y'all are boss [ __ ] and you're average talking about ambition at 27. You haven't been rude. You haven't been nasty, but the mindset is still the same. So, we're going to we're going to put a pause a comma right here. We're going to fast forward. Okay, this was tough. Let's just get all the way to the end. Let's just say for for the sake of argument, it doesn't work out. You never really find a guy who's on your level or that you're quite a fit with. Uh it just wasn't in the cards and you you don't have any kids, but you've you've lived a, you know, professional life or whatever. At age 55, if you're single and childless, what does life look like? If you're unmarried and no children, what does life look like for you socially? 55, no kids, not married. I'd definitely be depressed. I'll I'll be honest with you. I'll definitely be depressed. Probably more than likely.
>> Okay. Um, if you don't get married, are you going to have enough money to pay for your retirement and live comfortably from age 65 to 85?
>> Definitely. Because I'm definitely planning for retirement now. How much how much how much would you need
>> to retire to live from 65 to 85?
>> Based off my math I've done I think I put in I think it was like right at about 300 something K. It was right about 320 or something.
>> You think $300,000 will last you 20 years of elder care?
>> Well, based off my job and you know like let's say
>> No, ma'am. No, ma'am. I hoping that I have No, no, no, no. I asked you a straightforward question. You're saying $300,000 to last 20 years.
>> Yeah, because I'm expecting
>> Okay. Listen, listen, listen.
>> $300,000 for 20 years, ma'am. That ain't even $20,000 a year. That's like $16,000 a year. That's poverty wages. Let me give you the real number. 1.9 million. If you were 25 and making $50,000 today, zero children, not married, and you got a cost of living rate increase for the next 40 years, and you stack $200 away every month for the next 40 years, you would still have a $750,000 shortfall in your retirement. And what I'm showing is that women without men, you you underestimate, you underestimate or overestimate the notion that you think in your elder years because I guess you're going to say, "I'm going to have my house paid off, my car." It is extremely expensive to age in this country. But we keep pumping this city girl youth culture to our women to where you guys are miscalculating your geriatric years and you're mismanaging your prime years. Which is why when I asked at 55, you said I'd be depressed. Ma'am, based upon this conversation, that is much more likely. much more likely based upon this conversation. So I would say go back and listen to this dispassionately run the number if you have somebody who worked at prim. I got a lot of respect for prim. The numbers I I know prim. I was in prim. I get it. But man, one point and you're HR 1.9. You can't think $300,000 is enough. So what am I telling the audience? What did I say earlier? Unless you are a woman earning a lot of money, you a husband is not a luxury. You need a man. And that's what hasn't been told to our community.
>> It's not a want. It's not a desire. And the way you've described a man, I asked you specifically, what do you want? And what you've given me is what you want. And that's how you pick men. You don't pick men based upon need. Not once have I heard you talk about the needs. I haven't asked about the needs, but I gave you room to speak about them. We haven't talked about the man's character. his ability to lead, what he is. I focused on what I know women actually do and give women an opportunity to talk about the stuff that's really important. So, it's not that like there's no you couldn't answer those things. So, go back and listen to this man because like I said, our non-black counterparts, women, then you get upset. Then y'all get upset when a guy get with a white woman. The video ends here. So, let's break down how this call really went. The caller is 27, single for three years after a five-year relationship where her boyfriend supported her. She says her mom and friends told her to focus on herself, go to school, and wait on dating. Kevin immediately questions why she is taking advice from a mother who is not married, and says many mothers sabotage their daughters without realizing it. She is finishing a sociology degree and wants to work in HR. Kevin calls it a useless degree and asks if she picked it based on income potential. She admits she did not. Then it shifts to her personal goals. She says she wants marriage and six kids. Kevin starts running numbers. In Atlanta, he asks how much a man would need to earn to support that lifestyle. She throws out 800,000, then tries to walk it back when it gets uncomfortable. He presses her on what professions even make that kind of money and what percentage of men earn it. She struggles to answer. Then he asks if she would marry an average man earning 41,000. She says no. He points out she is 5 feet seven, around 187 pounds, rates herself an eight, and says she is closer to average. He keeps circling back to market value and affordability. The call ends with Kevin warning her about retirement math and saying, "A husband is not a luxury for most women. It is a need." What this call really exposes is how easy it is for women to feel accomplished while moving in circles. A lot of them are told to build themselves first. Get the degree. Get the independence. Get the resume tight. It sounds powerful. It feels responsible. But nobody pulls out the calculator and asks where that road actually leads. Years get poured into school. Debt piles up. Titles get added. And the dating market does not pause in respect of that progress. Time keeps collecting its tax whether they plan for it or not. Then their expectations stay skyhigh, big house, high earning man, security, but the numbers behind that dream never get audited. Wanting a man in the top slice of earners while sitting in the middle yourself is not confidence. It is hope without math attached. Effort feels productive even when it is not strategic. Some women grind hard in one lane and assume it translates everywhere. It does not. A degree does not automatically raise relationship leverage. A paycheck does not automatically raise desirability to elite men. And independence without long range thinking can turn into isolation. And often they label it as strength. A woman can wake up accomplished on paper but further from the life she wanted. Fellas, this is why you cannot get hypnotized by a woman's big plans. Anybody can talk about big money and luxury living. That costs nothing to say. The real question is, does her life right now line up with what she claims she wants? Listen close when she talks about average. If average men feel beneath her, but her own income, looks, and position sit right there in the middle, that tells you she is chasing a lifestyle, not building one. Pay attention to how she makes decisions. Did she think 5 years ahead, or did she just move off feelings? If she treats time like it resets whenever she feels ready, you will end up carrying the weight of those lost years. You do not want to build with someone who treats life like a wish list. You want a woman who knows the cost of what she is asking for and moves like she plans to share the weight. Otherwise, you will spend years funding a dream that was never grounded. Ladies, here's the truth. Wanting a certain life does not automatically move you toward it. Marriage, family, security, that kind of future does not assemble itself because you spoke it with confidence. It forms out of repeated decisions. School can help. Work can help. Self-focus can help. But none of those replace learning how to build with someone while your leverage is still strong and your options are still wide. If the way you date, the men you entertain, and the timelines you accept do not match the future you describe, then your actions are voting against your own goals. The women who get what they say they want usually do not wait for panic to create urgency. They plan while things feel flexible rather than when flexibility starts fading. Life always charges interest on delay whether you acknowledge it or not. What gets postponed reshapes what remains available. Dreams stay alive but over time they demand more discipline, more realism and better positioning. If this made you think, drop your take in the comments. Keep it real, keep it respectful. Hit the like button if you value honest conversations like this. Subscribe if you want more breakdowns that go deeper than surface talk. And don't forget to show love to Kevin's original channel. His voice started these discussions. We're just