Transcription
Is there some underlying motive, unconscious motive, of why you or somebody you care about has gained weight? And is there a strategy inside that's making sure they keep it? Today I'd like to discuss the secret strategy behind weight gain or loss. 'Cause I found that there's unconscious motives behind them.
Now there's no doubt that some people have hormonal imbalances, but even that, is there some unconscious motive behind that? And some people have just been around people that eat more and they're just not paying attention and they're just accumulating it, not even paying much attention and gaining from weight. But most cases I find when I actually dig in there, when people come to me and ask me about weight gain or loss, there's a strategy, there's a motive sitting there. So I'd like to address that and share a couple stories and then also address what that underlying reason may be. So you might want to take some notes on this. <Laugh>.
So I was asked to do a reality TV show at Universal Studios, near Universal Studios in Los Angeles a number of years back. And they asked me to transform 12 people's lives in 24 hours, two hours each <laugh>, bit of a challenge. And while I was doing that at one of the little breaks in between one client to the next, I had this woman came in and she brought two big boxes of food. And she says, 'Hi everybody. I brought some food for everybody.' And sat them there on the counter. Now nobody was asking for food or looking for food, but she went on <laugh> to eat more food while we were there than I'd probably eat nearly a week. It was just gorging. And I thought, this is interesting. And when it got up to her turn to do the two hour session, she said, 'Oh, Dr. Demartini, you've got to help me. I just can't seem to lose weight.' <Laugh>.
And, so I asked her a simple question, when I got into the session; what specific benefits are you getting out of keeping your weight on eating more than you need and keeping weight on? And she said, "Oh, it's killing me. Look at me.' And she started giving me all these reasons why it was unhealthy and on why she wanted to get rid of it. But I learned a long time ago that people don't do anything unless they've got a conscious or unconscious motive for doing it. And some people are unconscious with it. So I asked her again, so what's the benefit you're getting out of this? And she said, 'There's no benefit. I can't see any benefit. What, why would you ask such a thing? I'm trying to get rid of it.' I said, good. So let's not waste our time 'cause we only got a short period of time. What is the benefit you're getting out of this? So dig. You're getting benefit, you won't, no one's going to continue to do something unless there's more advantage than disadvantage. So what exactly is the advantage you're getting? And I've seen people do drugs, I've seen people overeat, I've seen people do all kinds of things, but when we get down into the unconscious, we find a reason for it. So I asked her, what's the benefit you're getting out of it? Finally she stopped her ranting about how she can't think of any, and got past her proud facade and said, 'Everybody in my family's large. If I'm not large, I don't feel like I'm part of the family.' I went, oh, that's interesting. And I wrote that down. What's the next benefit you get out of it? And once we got one, she kind of realized that it was going to be pointless trying to not answer, so she started answering. And she says, 'My sister, who's two years older than me, most of my life has pushed me around. And the only way to make it where she couldn't push me around is to be bigger than her. And no matter what her size is, I'm always bigger than her.' I went, cool. So you were conscious of that? She goes, 'Well, I know that, but you didn't bring it, you brought it out of me. I haven't, I just kind of buried it.' I said, okay, what's another benefit? And then she started to cry. Tears came out of her eyes. And she said, 'Hmm. Once a number of years back, I went on a crash diet and literally fasted almost. And I lost 45 pounds. And I started to get a bit of a shape. I started looking, you know, like I had a bit of a shape. And a guy came onto me and hit on me. And I thought, I'd never been with a guy, I thought that he showed affection and cared. So I was vulnerable and I had made love with him. The first time and night I was there, I had my first sexual experience. And the next day he was gone, never to be seen again. And about seven weeks later, I found out I was pregnant.' And she started crying more. And she said, 'I'm been raised Catholic. If I have the baby, I'm going to be with a guy I don't want to have a baby with. But if I don't have the baby and I have an abortion, I'm going to be condemned. So I saw no option for me and I chose not to carry the baby. I just couldn't think of carrying the baby for this disgusting guy.' I said, okay. 'So I think from that day on, I associated the most pain, most painful thing of my entire life with weight loss.' I said, great. You're now conscious of that. 'So do you think it's possible that I'm making sure I keep weight on so I don't ever get caught in that situation again?' I said, well, you tell me. Have you dated a lot of guys? 'No.' Do you think that you're keeping weight on to protect yourself from having to go through that type of experience again? She bawled. I said, is there any alternative way you could screen a guy out and choose not to make love with him, but still learn to date them and become close with them until you feel confident that this is a guy that really is interested? 'Yes, but I keep my distance and I make sure that I protect myself.'
We went on to 75 unconscious motives, some of them were conscious a little bit and some were unconscious. And then she came to me and she said, 'I really don't have an intention of losing weight.' I said, no, you came in and ate more food than I do in nearly a week to make sure you had weight on. And then you were basically telling me how you got to get rid of it, but you have an unconscious motive there, a strategy, to protect yourself. She goes, Hmm. Anyway, we went on to finding viable alternative ways of getting those same benefits so she could pivot from that approach, only eating. 'Cause really what she's done, she found a action, an action, eating, in order to get her 75 benefits, which is actually ingenious. I didn't judge her for it. I just said, look, that's pretty ingenious. One little action, eating, which you enjoy, and et cetera. She found this benefit. We also found out that if she had in any way lost any weight, her skin would sag, her face, and people were acknowledging her for her beautiful, stretched skin, it was so smooth. So she had all kind of unconscious motives that were sitting there accumulating, even though she was saying, 'I want to lose weight' and trying all these gimmicks, but making sure that they would always not work.
I had another lady that came to me, that's just one case, another lady that was very slender when I first met her and very attractive. And then, I mean, very well proportioned from my perspective. Obviously each person has a different search image and look, but very beautiful girl. And then she graduated from her legal training, you know, law school, and went out into practice in this firm. And the next time I saw her, which is maybe six months after getting into practice, I noticed that she was gaining weight. And I thought, Hmm, do I say anything or not? Really put on some poundage. And she cut her hair and she was wearing glasses last time I saw her she didn't have glasses, she didn't have, she had long, attractive hair and and now she's looking kind of frumpy and I'm thinking, what a drastic difference from the time I saw her last time. So I spoke up and she said, 'Yeah, I've put on weight and I don't know what it is. And she was already married, so she had a marriage, she had a stable relationship, and found out that when we got digging and asking, so what are the benefits she's doing? What's motivating this? She realized that every time she'd get a client, and most of the clients she had were men, business law, that the second their husbands, the wives found out that the husbands were now having a lawyer that was attractive, the husbands were told by their wives, you can't have that as a lawyer. And so she would find this out and she was like unconsciously trying to figure out how do I avoid losing clients? Now I was amazed at how much she gained weight and how quick she figured out a way of becoming less threatening to the wives. She was not threatening to the things. And she was also, we found out that she didn't get hit on by the other lawyers that were single or married in the law firm. So she made herself where they was not distracted by guys hitting on her at the law firm and to make sure she didn't lose clients. So she made herself frumpy. And if she wasn't really consciously going, I'm going to do that as a strategy, it was just, it kind of came about from pain and pleasure responses from people.
I had another lady, <laugh>, these are ladies, sometimes it's men, but I'll just do another lady, that came to me and she ended up, very attractive. I've known her for a number of years, all of a sudden gained weight. And she had a situation where I said, so what's, what are the benefits you're getting out of this? And we found out that she was unfulfilled a bit in a relationship and was wanting more affection. And he was focused at work and not giving affection, sometimes going asleep. And when she was interested sexually, he was not interested and the sex wasn't the most ideal in her eyes. And so she ended up being vulnerable to a guy that she kind of fancied and had a little fling and had some sex. And then one time when she was having the sex, she almost got busted and almost caught, scared the daylights out of her, thought she was going to lose her family 'cause she had two kids and was frightened almost to death of that, she just got shocked on that and shut it down, shut down the relationship and basically put on weight and frumped herself out to make sure she couldn't be attractive to other guys and vulnerable because she realized how dangerous that was to her family. And no matter how much she didn't like her husband's sex maybe, and maybe the fulfillment of that, she didn't want to lose the family 'cause that was very high in her values, and so she realized this, it's too risky. So she put on weight to protect herself from having an affair. So I've seen patterns like this. I know a guy that did the same thing. He had an affair and after he had the affair, he made sure that he was less attractive. So he gained weight. <Laugh> did the same thing. So there's all kinds of reasons. Those are just some samples of some people's reasons. I've also seen people that gained weight to not compete with a sister who was having problems. So I've had all kinds of motivations why people will add weight or lose weight. And then I watched this one woman who was doing what she could to destroy her marriage by making herself less attractive, and so she didn't want to say, didn't want to leave the marriage, but she didn't want to be in the marriage, so she ended up doing what she could to make herself less sexually attractive, she didn't want to have intimacy with the guy, and she ended up putting on a bunch of weight and the guy left. And she realized that she wanted out of that relationship. The moment there was a complete divorce, she dropped 40 pounds. 'Cause she was back on the market again. Now she's looking for another relationship. And she just dropped weight like that. It was unbelievable how fast she dropped the weight. It's like, whoa. I mean, it was like faster than you would ideally imagine. And just dropped it, just stopped eating and started working out and started doing it, get back in the market again. So there's all kinds of motives why we gain or lose weight. And those are just some, I've seen people shut down their thyroid gland, I had a woman who was in my practice years ago that all of a sudden gained weight, had her thyroid drop and things, because she was not speaking up about what was going on in the relationship. And she was basically distancing herself from the intimacy, not speaking up. And when we don't speak up, we can shut down our thyroid gland. People with hyperthyroid tend to be more tactlessly, speaks a lot and speak fast. People with low thyroid tend to speak slow and have slurred speech and kind of, they gain a bowling pin looking appearance. And so we can see that there's sometimes things we're holding back in our language or some things we're expressing in our language that's adding to this challenge and affecting the metabolism.
So the question is, is what is the motive? So if you've never asked that, you might want to discover what that is, 'cause sometimes we have subconsciously stored baggage from previous experiences and then we find out that it's impacting our future actions and why we're gaining or losing weight drastically. And I think that it's wise for us to be able to ask those questions. So don't be afraid to ask yourself what's really the motive, why you've gained or lost weight. You might discover something pretty profound about yourself. And usually the ones that bring a tear of gratitude are the ones that are the big ones. And I ask people, when I see people that have gained or lost a drastic weight, you know, significantly, I look for the motive. I had a lady that was basically raped and she was forced to have oral sex and after the rape she basically shut down her sexuality again and lost a bunch of weight and did not want to eat because she ended up having oral sex and she associated oral activity like that with disgust. And so she ended up going to an anorexic response. And I've seen people also I had <laugh>, an interesting woman in Florida one time that was at the Breakthrough Experience, which I teach people how to break through these kind of things, and she ended up, when she had affection, the only time she had affection from her dad is when she sat on his lap and he fed her. That's what she registered. I get affection when I'm eating with my dad. It's the only time he spends time with me. So she used to sit on his lap and he would feed her or sit in a little crib and feed her. So she ended up gaining weight to associate the feelings of affection from her dad. But then she married a guy that was always looking at little porn and looking at small little butts. And so she would then vomit it with bulimia to lose weight again. So she would get the satisfaction of eating to get the the father's love or affection in her mind. And then she would vomit it and get the skinny body again in order to get the husband's affection. And we found this dynamic going back and forth. It was unconscious motives of all the behaviors.
I was asked by a lovely lady in Australia who has impacted and helped thousands of women too, and particularly women, but some men, on weight management. Ashy Bines, her name was, and she did an interview about this type of thing. And we actually took some clients, three or four clients, and we actually went through and identified these unconscious motives and spent the time working on them. And it was astonishing what we discovered. One was, I gained weight to protect myself from having more kids because what I fantasized having kids turned out not to be what I expected, and I feel like my life has been on hold and so I'm making sure I will never get pregnant again. We found that motive, why she put on weight to make sure that the husband was not interested so she didn't get pregnant 'cause he was wanting kids. There was all kind of motives we kept coming up with when we were working with the clients. So just know that if you are having some sort of weight gain or loss that you're not inspired by, at least consciously, you might want to ask yourself, what is the motives? And don't just stop at one or two or three motives. Ask for a hundred motives. Don't stop until you get them. And then log the ones that are charged up that really bring up a tear of gratitude or a tear of awareness when you're doing it. When you have the realization of what's motivating it, 'cause You have more command over your life than you realize. You know, people think, well, I can't control myself or I can't do this. Yeah, you can, you do have it. You have the, when you're in the executive center, you have the power to govern the amygdala and the amygdala is the thing where it's overeating and undereating is coming from, the amygdala. It's your animal brain down below, not your executive function above. And that's why I tell people to come to the Breakthrough Experience so they can learn how to ask the proper questions to navigate through these behaviors they have, that they think are sabotaging, but they're actually unconscious motives to get what they want. And they're not aware of what they want because they're sometimes trying to live in other people's values. And they're actually, their unconscious motive's based on their real values, and they have an unconscious motive to do that even though they're saying they want to do something different.
I have people that say, I had a woman that says, I want to have a a soulmate, I want to get a man and everything else. And I said, so what is the benefit you're getting out of no man? And she said, well, hmm, I have a career. Last time I was with a guy my career crumbled and then I relied on him and then I, then he left and then I was stuck without an income and I don't want to ever do that again. I said, you have an unconscious motive to protect yourself from being with a guy like that. Or she has a guy that you know, had flings or whatever and I don't want to be around that type of guy, so I'm protecting myself until I find it, I'm proving guys, they have to prove themselves that they really want me. And there's all kind of motives there. And they would fluctuate in weigh, they would fluctuate in the way they looked, to get these outcomes. And I don't go by what necessarily people say, I go by what their life demonstrates. You know, 'cause people live by unconscious motives. And the unconscious motives are sometimes their real values and what they have on the outside is what they think it should be according to some ideal in society. You know, I had a lady that was totally focused on making sure that she was this very, I wouldn't say obese, but plump woman because she had bigger breasts, <laugh> if she lost weight, she had no breasts. And the guy she wanted was looking at breasts and all the time. And so she wanted to keep her breasts so she gained weight to keep her breasts. Amazing motives for this. I've seen guys also do that because when they've got more weight on them, they feel like there's more power, no guy can threaten them. I've seen men do the same thing, put on weight to not be pushed around by another guy. So these are unconscious motives. So you want to ask yourself what exactly is the reasons, the upsides you're getting out of it? And you might just discover some things that are hidden in there and blow your mind. But again, if you're not asking enough of them, I always say try to go for at least least a hundred or even more. I've gone up to 150 benefits and made people really deeply aware of all the motives that they had of why they were doing what they were doing. And then we would come up with viable alternative ways of getting those same benefits with an alternative strategy. Because they're not wrong for their strategy, it's just a strategy. But they have the power to change the strategy if they can do it. Once we find out all viable alternatives, we can link the viable alternatives to their highest values to increase the probability by operat conditioning. And we can also de-link the original overeating in some cases from the highest values, so it's decreasing the probability of doing it. We can make, see, every time we make a decision to do something or don't do something, it's the pleasures and pains and associations we've made with things. That's why we're doing it. So I have people go through and have them realize what's motivating them and then they can give them some alternatives. And then I can teach them as I do in the Breakthrough Experience, the strategies on how to transform and take command of their life. Because if you have an unconscious motive, you can bring it conscious and then there's a ways of dealing with it. There's the hierarchy of your values, you can make new links into what's valuable to you and you can change your behavior. We do that every every week in the Breakthrough Experience. We can also go in there and dissolve the emotional baggage that's the wounds in first place. So I've seen people automatically go back, well, I've been wounded by this relationship. Well, when I did work with that lady, the lady in the Universal Studios, I didn't have enough time to get as much as I'd like so I went ahead and set up a separate time to meet up with her to try to help her. And we went on to find all kinds of strategies on how she could get what she wanted. She could go out to the movies and spend time with her family without having to go and eat. There was all kind of ways we could get this done. And we linked it to her highest values and we de-linked the eating to it and we gave her other motives. And this changed her life. This changed people's lives when they know how to take command.
See, the quality of your life is based on the quality of the questions you ask. That's why in the Breakthrough Experience, I ask people new questions they've never heard before, and may all of a sudden see things from new perspectives. They're unconscious of their, they're conscious now of the unconscious. And then they take command. A lot of the unconscious is running our life. We don't even realize we're doing it. So if you happen to have a weight gain or loss or know somebody that's doing a heavy duty weight gain and loss, When you live by your highest values, you have the highest probability of bringing yourself into governance. And so the extremes of weight gain or loss come back into governance. When you're in your amygdala, you have the highest probability of volatility, or weight gain extremes, or loss extremes. So I'm firmly believing that if we help people go through and transform their perceptions about their life and transform their subconscious mind, we can change that. And so if you're having that situation or know somebody that has that way, come to the Breakthrough Experience, 'cause I'm certain that the content of what I present in there, will be eye-opening. And if you have one, some of those things, if some of those stories I gave you are things you know about people or yourself, come, let me share with you how to transform those things. Ask me the specific questions and let me go and help you specifically go through and break through those limitations. Because we don't even realize we're doing it. We actually start to think that it's something outside. Whenever we think that there's outside causes, we blame the individual for instance that did this to us, we'll be stuck in our subconscious mind, It'll just keep reverberating. But what we do is we have the power to change our perceptions and change our decisions and change our actions. And that's what the Breakthrough Experience is about. How do you do that? How do you transform your perception, decisions and actions and take command of your life? So that's why I want people to come to the Breakthrough Experience, 'cause I've watched the changes, I've watched the transformation, I've received the thank you letters, I've seen the people. I had a woman that was having difficulty getting pregnant and she had a major issue with her mom. And so she was literally figuring out a way of getting pregnant without getting pregnant by gaining weight, but no matter what was happening, the estrogen levels were off and she wasn't getting pregnant. The second we cleared the issue about her mom, I don't ever want to be like my mom 'cause she was controlled by the dad and he was, you know, and she was disempowered and I want to make sure I have my own career and I don't have to rely on a guy. There was all kind of unconscious motives there to protect her, even though she had a desire to have a baby. So she gained weight. It looked like she's pregnant, but she wasn't pregnant. There's all kinds of motives there. And so that's why please consider coming to the Breakthrough Experience because it's eyeopening to help you understand and know how to ask the questions to reveal these unconscious motives. If you're in a situation where you know somebody or yourself that's having these or relating to any of these stories I'm doing, please join me at the Breakthrough Experience. I love helping transform people's lives and I know that there's action steps, questions, and strategies that you can take command of your life with and not have these things run you. You can run them and you have more power than you think. Don't think that you're powerless against these situations. And somebody that tells you you're powerless against them and it's, you need some sort of intervention, may, may not be true, it may or may not be. I find most of the time it's not. You just need to know how to ask the right questions and transform your perceptions. So come to the Breakthrough Experience so I can show you how to do that. And that way you can take command of your physiology. You have command of your physiology and psychology. You just may have not learned the art of asking the right questions, the quality of your life's based on the quality of the questions you ask. So I just wanted to share that for the week. And that's a topic that's pretty common today. There's a lot of people that have over eaten or have overweight and we've got a kinda whole country of that in the United States and other countries are similar. So take advantage of that and join me at the Breakthrough Experience so I can help you transform and take command of your life.