Transcription
[Music] I've been working with this job for eight years, and and it's it's working with people's investment properties and landlords and tenants. And when I first started at this company, there was three of us, and we've grown. We actually almost quadrupled in size in the eight years. And within that time frame, I have gained a lot of more responsibility and have clients that I've had for, you know, eight, eight years, five, six, seven, eight years.
>> And by clients, you mean frame like >> clients, you mean tenants.
>> Um, like landlords. So we actually rep we actually do represent on the landlord side.
Okay. Um, so both, both essentially, right? The more landlords we represent. So we're property managers.
>> Property manager. Okay. You're not attorneys. I thought you were saying represent. I thought you meant you're lawyers. Okay. So, you're uh property managers.
>> Yeah. And then and and we we you know, we have legal authority over over these properties, right? So, a certain amount, right? So,
>> you're correct. As as we've gained more landlords, gained more tenants. So, this is this is a both-and conversation. So, as I've got more responsibility and gained more client relationships, I I find that I'm involved in a lot more conflict, right? So we have the landlords on one side that have, you know, a lot of money invested in these properties. So they have a lot of emotion involved. You know, sometimes we have clients that have tens of millions of dollars in in properties, and then obviously, these are a ten, you know, a tenant's home, right? So they have a lot of emotional buy-in. So I find I'm struggling a lot sometimes when there's a lot of conflict, I don't I don't feel like I I handle it very well.
Tell me where the conflict is. The conflict coming from. A a land owner is or homeowner is asking you to do something unethical or mean or cruel, and or is the is a tenant not wanting to pay, or they're whining about everything, and the the owner says, "I'm not fixing that."
All of it.
Okay.
>> All of it. Yeah. So, like I might have an a land loaner that's like, "Hey, like I'm I'm mad at you because I feel like you did something um that I would, you know, I wouldn't do, or they're they're, you know, and and we we legally have to do this thing." And so, like, we're like trying to negotiate like, "Hey, we have this landlord-tenant law that we have to follow," and they don't, you know, maybe see it that way, but we've, you know, we have way more experience." And so, they're yelling at me on one side, and then the tenant on the other side's mad. And so I'm I'm kind of the middleman sometimes. Um, in the in the worst-case scenario, I'm getting it from both sides, and maybe a delicate situation.
Right.
>> So a couple of things that happen here, and then I'll walk you through like the the the the details, but you're in a very common place with a growing business.
Okay.
>> Mhm.
>> And it's real easy when you start a business, especially if you start with a couple of buddies or a couple of guys you trust, and you're like, "Dude, we're going to grind it out and work really hard." And y'all did this, you said eight years ago.
>> Yeah. So, it was already an established business when I onboarded, but we were small, right? So, I was the third person they ever hired. I'm the perfect >> the longest employee. I'm a key employee. Now, it's me and the original >> uh guy who started it, and then we have an owner who has a minority or a majority interest. That's anyways.
>> Details you probably don't need to know.
>> Well, it is helpful. A very common thing when you take a business and you 4x it, 5x it in eight years in less than a decade.
>> Yeah.
>> It's easy to keep operating this much bigger business with the same super scrappy mindset, or I won't say scrappy because I always want to have a scrappy mindset, but a real scarcity mindset that you started with just a few years ago.
And when you start a company, when you're the third hire, you know what business you take? All of it.
>> Anyone who will give you a dollar, you take that business and you make it work.
Right.
>> Yes.
>> What I want you and is and I'm asking you to do something you may not have the authority to do, but when you 4x a business, you have bought yourself what I would call margin to begin to fire clients.
>> Yeah, we started doing that actually. And so,
>> yeah, so that that that part's been better. like we don't like we yeah, we don't, and I've heard, you know, on the Ramsay side, Dave say, you know, we don't take, you know, crap from other from people, and if they're abusing, so we've kind of it's it's struggling is like
>> what's that
>> I'll take crap from somebody. I I'll I'll accept somebody abuse, I guess. We don't you just can't talk to them. You're not going to work with me.
>> Those people out. And we've kn and I've learned over the years how to how to spot that on the front end. It's just sometimes it's just like I like I just there's just inevitable, right? Conflict with with the business, and it's just like with the clients, and maybe a tenant or whatever, and I just I struggle with it a lot.
I love that. Okay. So, I want you to go through an exercise when you get home tonight.
Okay.
>> Okay.
>> And it doesn't have to be tonight. I don't know what your schedule is, but I'm saying tonight to be dramatic, but over the next couple of days, okay?
>> Yeah.
>> And this is going to sound super cheesy, but I want you to do this. And there's a real purpose to it. And I've done this exact thing.
Okay?
>> Okay. Okay.
>> I want you to get a small box, like half the size of a shoebox.
Okay.
>> And I want you to get six um index cards.
Okay.
>> Okay.
>> And I want you to get a Sharpie. And I want you to sit at the table. Are you married, by the way?
>> I am. Yeah.
>> Okay. If you're a gangster, do it with your wife. If you're not, just do it by yourself.
Okay.
>> Okay. I want you to write on this each index card a person's name, but I want you to write this sentence out on each card. Um, I'm going to say, you, you're married to a woman, right?
>> Correct.
>> Okay. I'm going to say her name is Janet. I don't know what her real name is.
Okay.
>> I want you to write on this card, "Janet gets a vote in my life." I want you to write it on that card, look at it, and set it in that box. And I want you to go through the exercise of limiting down five to six people in the world who get a vote in your life. These are people that if they call you, you care how they're feeling about something you said. You care. If they call you and give you life direction, you're going to take it. Or if you don't take it automatically, you're going to take it under really strong advisement.
Okay.
>> Okay.
>> Now, when I first did this, I and it stems out of a class I had, and one of my colleagues in my class, her name was Dr. Pearson. She was amazing, but she was one of my colleague, well, she was one of my classmates. And it came from a line she said gave me once when we were talking about therapy, about counseling, and she said, "John, you get to choose who hurts you." And that was a revelation to me.
Yeah.
>> People can frustrate me. They can make me angry. They can take away my livelihood. But I get to choose who hurts me. And so when I on the way home, I was like, "Okay, this sounds so stupid. It's not like a dumb little counselor thing." But I started going through the exercise, and then I sat down at my kitchen table. Who hurts? Who would I give permission? And here's who I took out of that box. My parents, I love my parents. My parents are wise people, but they don't get to decide what I do with my kids. They don't get to decide where I go to um holidays. They don't get to decide how I spend my money. They don't get a vote.
I love them. I honor them, but they don't get a vote. I have tons of peripheral buddies. I'm just a guy that likes everybody. And I realized I was giving everybody a vote. My students all got a vote if they were like, "You suck, Dr. Deloney. I didn't sleep for two nights."
And then it was like,
>> "That's where I'm at."
>> "Y'all don't get a vote, man. I I get that you're frustrated. I get that you don't like the decision I made. I get that I screwed something up, but you don't get to hurt me." And it was starting this exercise, and I tried to get it down to six. And then this was super gangster. Not all of them. I think five out of the six. I called him and said, "Hey, I just want you to know I'm giving you a vote in my life. And if you if you ever called me out on something, I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to let I'm going to take it under advisement. I'm going to do that thing." And four of my buddies were just bros, and they were like, "This is a weird phone call, dude." And I was like, "I know, man. I know." And we all laughed. But to this day, if one of them calls me and says, "Hey, I need to talk to you about something serious." Man, I stop everything. But it was me first going there, and then I had to realize, oh, I want to please people. I want to be liked so badly that I give everybody a vote in my life. And when I took unhooked the rest of the world from that inside the inside of my chest, it was freeing. And then it allowed me to go in and sit with people who were mad at me, who were frustrated, who think I'm the worst, or whatever. And I got to stay present there. I didn't immediately unhook and try to start solving all their problems. Does that register?
>> Yeah, it does for sure because yeah, that's where I struggle is like I tend to like, you know, want everyone to be like like me, and I tend to be a people pleaser, and so yeah, that definitely.
>> Yeah. So the next step is when I do that exercise, I get to then begin to practice sitting with somebody who's mad at me or listening to them on the phone. My friend Jefferson Fischer, I love the way he phrases this. Um, it's like an old meditation practice, but he says it so perfect. "My first word will always be a breath."
>> Yeah, I'm actually reading his book right now.
>> Okay. He's he's the he's the goat. He's so great. But >> "My first word is going to be my breath."
>> And that's just my reminder that I don't have to respond out of frustration. I don't have to respond out of immediacy. My first thing I'm going to do is exhale. And if they don't get a vote, then I get to decide when I respond, how I respond, and with what character and integrity I respond.
Yeah.
>> I'm not going to fight you. I am not going to violate the law for you. And if your sink isn't fixed, I get that. It's the worst. I'm sorry. If I have to refund half your rent because I blew it, or me and my team blew it, and I'm going to get it from the landlord on the other end, I'm going to do that because it's right by you. Like, but you see how it just separates you from the whole thing.
Yeah.
>> But it's going back to that people pleaser part and doing the exercise of who am I giving a vote to. I'm going to begin to say the words, "You don't get a vote." If I'm about to get a call from somebody, I'm going to say it out loud. "You don't get a vote." Just remember this guy didn't get a vote. When I hang up the phone and they've been they just read me the riot act, I'm going to exhale. "They don't get a vote." I can be a great man and have blown something professionally. I can be a great guy and not a great husband sometimes, right? And it's coming to that separation. But it it it's a practice. It's a practice that you are going to begin to practice leading with your breath. "Let me look into this. I'll call you back." "Do you want me to solve your problem, or do you want to continue yelling?" Or, "Hey, I'm I'm going to hang up the phone. I don't talk to people who are screaming at me. When you're ready to call me back." Um, "Let me call you back in 30 minutes." "You call me back in an hour." And by the way, some people get even angrier when you do that because it exposes how out of control they are and how in control you are. And sometimes I have to pretend to be in control, and I hang up the phone, and I'm enraged, and it's cool. It's fine. I'm just practicing. But I'm just going to lead with my breath. And as Jefferson does so well, I'm not as good as him by a hundred miles, but being able to say like, "Hey, you're yelling really loud. I can't I'm having a hard time hearing you. You're really angry. I can hear it. Are you angry about this? You angry about something else?" And at some point, you sit down with your boss and say, "We're going to let this client go because we're not going to take abuse. Our company has enough margin. We're a big enough company, and we have enough dignity and respect for ourselves that we're not going to take that." But it doesn't sound like that's where you are. It's not like you got a pretty amazing boss. It sounds like more like this has been happening your whole life, and you're 30, and you're a husband, you're a dad, you're a business owner. I'm worth standing up for myself, and I'm worth not everybody on planet Earth having a vote. And you are right.