Transcription
I am an employment lawyer in Seattle, Washington, and I represent workers in lawsuits against their employers. And through my experience representing workers, I've learned a lot about working relationships. And that those co-workers who you may think are your friends, turn out not to be your friends when it really matters. So in this video, I'm going to go through my top four reasons why your co-workers are not your friends. And stick around for my number one reason at the end of this video because it actually came up in one of my recent cases, and it's the reason that I made this video. So stick [Music] around.
My first reason why co-workers are not your friends is that working relationships are situational. And what I mean by that is that you don't pick your co-workers. And most of the time, once you leave a job, you won't ever see those co-workers again. And this dynamic can make working relationships confusing because it can feel like you were developing strong friendships with your co-workers. But those strong, strong friendships usually melt away the second you're not around each other every day. Your working relationships come about because you're working together in the same environment all day, every day, with those same people. But importantly, those working relationships are very different from the relationships you form outside of work. Because at the end of the day, your role at the company and the tasks your employer assigns to you dictate who you talk to and who you interact with at work. It's not really your choice at all. It's, it's your employer's choice. And although these working relationships can feel like true friendships, they usually fall apart when tested. So when you really need one of your co-workers to have your back and stand up to your employer with you, they usually just don't. And I lead with this point about working relationships being situational because it's really the foundation for the rest of the reasons in this video. So let's go to the next one.
My next reason why your co-workers are not your friends is that when HR starts asking questions, people think about their jobs, not their co-workers. And this one goes back to my first point about working relationships being situational. The reason people go to work is to make money, not to make friends. So when HR comes around and starts asking questions, self-preservation kicks in. And those friends you thought you had might not back you up in the way you thought they would have. Because supporting a co-worker can be risky if it upsets the company, especially if it means accusing the company or management of wrongdoing. Most co-workers will not want to go against the company and risk their job. Let me give you an example. Say John Doe reports his manager to HR for harassing him. So HR begins an investigation. And John thinks to himself, "Oh good, I will have a bunch of my co-workers in my corner supporting my side of the story." But when HR asks those co-workers for their statements, they don't have anything to say to support John because they don't want to get caught up in John's problem and risk putting a target on their own back. So instead, they just don't say anything at all. And sometimes people will even support the employer to get in the employer's good graces.
And that brings me to my next reason. My next reason that your co-workers are not your friends is competition. Here's a hard truth: in most workplaces, everyone is competing for those higher positions and better pay. Even if you were friends with your co-workers, at the end of the day, you're all competing in the same race. Everyone wants to be in their boss's good graces and be the star employee so that when promotions come around, they're on top of that list of candidates. And this competitive nature of working relationships makes these relationships very different than the kinds of friendships you might make outside of work. This doesn't mean you can't have genuine connections at work, but it is important to be mindful of the underlying competitive nature of these relationships. Because, for instance, the things you say to your co-workers in confidence might come back to haunt you if a co-worker can use it against you to make themselves look better in front of the employer. And I've seen it happen a lot. So my point with this one is just to be careful with what you say to your co-workers. Okay, let's go to the next one.
My number one reason why your co-workers are not your friends has to do with legal claims. If you end up bringing a legal claim against your employer, those co-worker friendships will fade away so quickly if they are still working for that employer. And that second part is important here. If the co-worker no longer works for the company, then all bets are off. They might find some satisfaction in supporting you against the employer. But if they are still working for the company, their loyalty will probably be with the company, not you. And it makes sense, and I don't fault anyone for this. At the end of the day, the employer is signing their paychecks, which puts money in their pocket and food on their table. So they're not going to jeopardize that out of some loyalty they have to a co-worker. It's not because they're heartless, it's because they have their own lives and families to worry about. If they think supporting your claim or testifying on your behalf will risk their livelihood, they probably won't support you. And in some cases, they might even say whatever the company tells them to say, which will hurt you. And believe it or not, that actually happens a lot. And it even happened in a recent case of mine. In my case, my client was absolutely certain that her co-worker would be a friendly witness to her, only to find out that her co-worker friend had actually sided with the company and ended up testifying against my client. And that co-worker even divulged things that my client had told her in confidence. So it just goes to show you that your co-workers are not your friends.
So there you have it. Now you know my top four reasons why co-workers are not friends. But your co-workers are not the only ones to watch out for. To learn why HR is not your friend and how to protect yourself, watch my video on why HR is not your friend. I'll link to it over here. And if you enjoyed this video, give it a like and follow my channel. I make videos about the laws that protect workers. The more we hold employers accountable for their wrongdoing, the more we protect other workers. That's all for me this week. See you next time.