Transcription
You should always have your lead-in line and your closing line figured out before you begin. People who use them look like they are the most savvy, professional, polished communicators everywhere they go, and it's because they have really simple, scripted, deleted lines and closing lines for everything. We should all have them.
Now, remember that a lead-in line is just going to be the way that you set up the conversation so that you can open up the lines of communication and your message gets through. You know, it slows down self-talk so that people will hear you. In this situation, these types of cases, I tend to use a really simple lead-in line like the person's name and then "I need your help." You know, like, "Mary, I need your help." You might want to add something like, "I'm frustrated and I need your help," or "I'm troubled and need your help." Very simple, but that's what you want to do. And then you pause for a moment. So, "Mary, I need your help." That's it.
Now, think about the savvy, polished communicators that you know. That's how they begin these little talks. They don't start off by saying something such as, "Hey, uh, Charlie, we need to talk." That is how the worst communicators begin their conversations, especially with men. I mean, if you have to have this type of talk with a man and you start out with, "Uh, Charlie, we need to talk. Can I see you, blah, blah, blah, in five minutes?" All you're going to see is like a cartoon cut-out in the wall or where they go. Because especially men, we don't want to have that conversation. And if you begin it that way, the whole conversation that you're having, the man is going to be thinking in his brain, "Okay, when is it gonna happen? What are you gonna say? What are you gonna say? What's, what's the big deal here? When is the shoe going to drop?" And we're going to be thinking that the whole time until you're done.
To avoid that, a simple, "Hey, Charlie, I need your help." Simple. And now people are going to be likely to lean into and be like, "Yeah, what for?" Which is the opposite from what most people do when we start a conversation like this. But have the right lead-in line. Simple.
And remember, you don't want it to end, trail off, and not really know how to close. So you're just like, "That's it." You should never have to tell people that you're done speaking. That's what Porky the Pig does at the end of cartoons. Don't say, "That's all, folks." That's it. Remember, that's what a closing line is for. It helps wrap up your message and leaves people breathless where they're like, "Oh my God, they're so good at that." You know, a good closing line in this case, I'd recommend a simple closed-ended question. And a closed-ended question is simply a question that gets somebody to say yes or no to you. That prompts them. They will want to say yes or no. I'd recommend getting them to say, "Yes, I'll help you with that," rather than something like, "No, that won't be a problem." But you're looking for the one-word answer.
So, a good closing line in this situation would sound something like, "Could you do that for me?" "Would that work for you?" "Does that sound doable?" "Can I count on your support?" "Will you help me with that?" Very simple. And when they say yes, now you're done.
So, to put it all together, it sounds something like, "Charlie, I need your help." "Yeah, what for?" "Well, lately I've noticed that I have been taking on so much work from other people that I'm not getting my own work done. And even when I help other people do their work, I'm really not doing it to the best of my ability." "Oh my God, that's terrible." "So, if you see me doing that, could you please do me a favor and just remind me that we had this talk?" "You don't even have to say a whole lot. You could just say something like, 'Hey, Dan, that's it.'" "And then I'll remember to tell the person, 'No, I'm taking on too much.' And that way, if you needed some help and I said yes, you would know that I'm really going to help you with a happy heart." "That sounds wonderful and be able to do it to the best of my ability. So, could you help me with that?" "How could I possibly say no?" "No, who's going to say no to them? They wouldn't have to be so unreasonable to say no."
Now, those types of communication skills are the skills that make you stand, heads and shoulders above anybody else at work. Now, before we move along to step three, I wanted to remind you that if this feels a little bit scary to you, or it could be a little overwhelming for you, just remember those people who make it look really easy to deliver any message. You know, those people who can always say, "Dan, I need your help," blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And before you know it, they've just given you some instruction or told you to shape up or ship out. And then you walk away going, "Oh my God, why did I like that? I think, why do I admire them more?" Oh my God, it's because they practice. That's the only difference. I mean, it doesn't matter if you're an introvert or an extrovert on the spectrum. It doesn't matter. With practice, these skills become super easy, and you can start doing it just like second nature because it's just a language skill. That's all.
And if you're ready to develop more advanced skills or you need some tools to help make these skills your own, I put a link to my website below, and there's also a link above. When you're ready for that, let me know. I'll be there for you, and I'll make it really easy.
So, this is when people don't respect your boundaries, and no matter what you said, they still come back and say, "Hey, Dan, uh, you know, I know we had this little talk the other day, but I really need to go get sauce afterwards. So, I was wondering, could you do this before you go home so that I don't have to do it before I go home? I would really appreciate that." They, I'm going to use my three-step process for saying no that you'll learn in some of my other courses. I can't remember if it's here on YouTube or not, but it's a really simple, "I'd like to help you, however, I'm afraid." So, I suggest, simple, use those three leading lines. You fill in the blanks. It sounds like this: "Hey, Trixie, you know, I'd like to help you, but I'm afraid I cannot do that while accomplishing my own work as well. So, I suggest, unfortunately, you're either going to have to find somebody else or stay late or come in early." "Oxma, you can do it just this once. I know you don't have a life outside at work." "Well, Trixie, again, I'd like to help you out, but I can't. So, I suggest you either stay late or come in early." "Come on, Trixie, again, I'd like to help you out, but unfortunately, I cannot. So, I suggest that you either stay late or come in early." "As best I got for you."
Now, the broken record. You will find if you have not started using it, saves your life. You have to name these tactics. However, you can't just say, "Well, I'm just going to keep repeating myself." No. Use the broken record. When you name different strategies, you will be able to use them more effectively, more appropriately, and more confidently because you're not just winging it. You know, you know the names of these things. That is a very powerful thing. Anything that's really worthwhile, that's worth something, has a name. So, these skills are worthwhile. They have names. Use their names, and you will then have power over them rather than other people's words having power over you.
So, practice, practice. These make sure to have the right tools like the flashcards, your danger phrases, and power phrase lists. You can find some of those on my website, both free and premium. So, make sure to check that out if you need those. And if you like that and want to discover more ways to cultivate your emotional intelligence, stop by Dan O'Connell Training dot com, or I've got more advanced tools and more basic tools depending on wherever your need is. Let me know, and I will find the right tool for you because we, we all deserve to enjoy those privileges that go along with being a savvy, polished communicator. And if we can do it in a loving way as well, there's nothing more loving than what we just learned to do, telling somebody what your boundaries are and enforcing them so that they will know what your boundaries are, be able to follow them, and then know how to do it themselves. You can change generations of lives just by doing that.
So, if you like this type of content and you find it valuable, please make sure to hit that subscribe button, and I can keep delivering these free videos to you. And if you wanted to join us during live events and get your questions answered in real time by me, then make sure to hit that notification bell as well. That's the only way to get an invitation to those events. And share this video on places like Facebook and Twitter, or wherever else you think people might go looking for information like this, if they need it. Help me get it to them. And remember that there's nothing you have to say that you can't say in a loving way. And I will prove that to you in this next video. If you like this, you're gonna love that. Check it out.