CONFIANCE EN SOI CONFIANCE EN D.IEU - Rav Benchetrit Yehia

So, hello to you, to all of you, and to me. So, for those from outside, the poor ones, we are in Montreal. So that's why I'm waking you up so early, so late. The theme we're going to tackle tonight, it's timely, since I don't have the sheet. So, God doesn't want me to rest. So, it was, therefore, the theme of self-confidence and confidence without God. How do the two work together? We have to understand something very, very important, which is that the very notion of confidence, even in Latin, "confiance" means "with faith." Okay? And what is faith? It's the ability to invest in what cannot be seen. In life, there is what can be seen and what cannot be seen. For example, the future cannot be seen, so we are obliged to believe in it, since we cannot see it. Yes, sometimes the future of a child, we don't see it, so we are obliged to believe in it. The mother-in-law's love, we can only believe in it. No, I'm kidding. So, what's the idea? It's that we must develop this capacity to be able to invest in something that cannot be seen.

Now, we must understand that in truth, 99% of religion is functioning with the invisible. When you go into the mikvah, well, even though you have a very, very beautiful bathroom for $40,000, you understand that it's not a problem of being in the water, okay? And that there is something behind it, much more powerful, much more powerful, that will produce what is called purity. The problem is, can we access something if we don't believe in it?

So, Rabbi Chapira says that "laouna" is the space you create in your present for your future to exist. It's a bit like train cars. There's car 1, car 2, car 3. Now, car 1 pulls car 2, car 2 pulls car 3. Now, for car 2 to move forward, it was necessary to sacrifice space in car 1 to hook up car 2. Do you follow me or not? Now, each car is a day. Car 1 is the present. Well, car 2 is the future. So, if today, in your present, you don't believe in your future, there is no future. So, it's a question of faith. Yes.

Now, the problem is that the faith you will see in reality is only the resonance of the faith you have in yourself. So, people, for example, who don't have confidence in themselves, they don't have confidence in others. So, you will always be in parallel, obliged to create a reference for yourself, at the same time as a reference for reality.

Now, for those repeating the year, I apologize, but we've already explained it a million times. It's okay. Yes. There is the inner self and the outer self. Now, the inner self will start from the beginning. It's even simpler. So, I arrive. So, in fact, a person is like Russian dolls, you know, the dolls that fit into each other. So, the deepest doll is the "Nama" (soul). Above it, there is another doll called the psychic, the ego, the "nef" depending on how you call it. Above that, there is another doll called the physical, the body. And above that, there is yet another called the experience. Exactly like a computer. In the computer, there is the "nechama" of the computer, called the DOS. Above it, there is an operating system of the DOS called Windows. Above that, there is the computer tower that will receive electrical impulses to redistribute them. And then there are all the peripherals that allow for the link with the outside: the modem, the printer, the scanner, all that. Those are the external tools. Well, a person is the same. Inside themselves, they have a soul. Now, the soul is divine, it is extremely strong, extremely powerful. It produces several things, including will, clairvoyance, perception, and also the future. Why? Because if the body is made of flesh and is in physical reality, it is in matter. The "Nchama" is entirely spiritual. So, that means that the "Nama" is outside of time. So, for the "Nama," the future is the present, because in truth, time for the "Nama" is a continuous present.

On the other hand, the body only sees the present. And in between the two, there is the psychic, the "nef," the "daat" as we want to call it, which, if it is more spiritual, then it escapes time. If it is more material, it is caught in time. Now, each one, at their level, will decide to be influenced by matter, and therefore becomes materialistic, and in the end, becomes a material thing. Yes. Now, the material thing does not produce light. It can only reflect light. In the same way, one who has no interiority will not be able to produce a personality. They will only be the reflection of the personality of others, because they reflect the light of the other.

Now, there is the inner self and the outer self. Here, you see me. Here, you see my outer self. But who is speaking? It's my inner self. So, now, between the inner self and the outer self, call it "Moot" and "Baro" (inner and outer). So, there must be a link. Now, the construction of the inner self is called "leftov" (inner work), and the construction of the outer self is called "marassov" (outer work). So, you must "leftov" completely. So, you must have a complete inner being and develop a complete act. Now, your outer self will be realized, that is to say, in reality, through the outer self. Now, the inner self and the outer self must be developed, and they must be the same. In French, we call that "being yourself." Easy.

So, a priori, it's simple. The only problem is that three-quarters of people's outer selves are not turned towards their inner selves. Yes. And the outer self is not the expression of their inner self. It's that three-quarters of people live in the gaze of others. So, in fact, the outer self is the reflection of the other's self. Do you follow me or not? That is to say, I pleased you, I didn't please you. You hate me, you love me. You encourage me, you crush me, you pulverize me. You spend your life, in the end, positioning yourself in relation to others. So, you please your parents, then you want to please your teachers, then you want to please your husband. You spend your life trying to please. But in what hope? In the hope of being recognized. Whereas in truth, you should not be recognized by others. You should be yourself. And moreover, to be recognized, you must be a good person. And moreover, you receive a compliment. You must do what you have to do. And moreover, you receive a thank you. But when you make yourself dependent on the gaze of others, it's dangerous. Because when the other realizes that you exist in relation to what he or she gives you, it can become emotional blackmail. But that was created by you. Do you follow me or not?

So, you have to stop blaming others, because it's not the devil who makes the fool. It's the fool who incites the other to be cunning. It's the weak one who makes the other mean, because the strength of the strong is the weakness of the weak. When you say "yes," then it's still because of me, and you fall back into nothingness. Whereas if you are in a logic of existence, and to exist is to be external. To exist is to be outside, and that is the definition of life according to the Maharal of Prague, since he says, yes, it is on this that I wrote the first book, there are 405 pages on this sentence. It's a sentence. There's all of psychology. All of it. I am lucky not to have studied. An extraordinary person, that you are not obliged to learn what is false to know what is true. Then, you have to sort it out. For example, are you obliged to sleep with your sister to love your mother? No. To think that all of life is centered on sexuality, or that complexes are the engine of... Oh, you take the Torah. The Torah was created 974 generations before the creation of the world. Then Hashem looked into the Torah to create the world, and from the world, he created man. So, if man comes from the world, he comes from the Torah. So, you can look into the Torah to see how man functions. So, you don't need Freud. It's true that you have to know how to read. There are even rabbis who don't know how to read this kind of reading in the Torah, because they specialize in law, in "halakha," but they don't know "moussar" or "chochma" or psychology. It's okay, everyone has their role to play. But you have to know that we have everything we need. I have treated psychiatrists. I can tell you that without my studies.

So, what's the idea? The idea is that a person understands this phenomenon of passing from potential to real. That always works. But first, you have to escape this extremely powerful attraction called the gaze of others. That's called existential autonomy in French. That you exist in relation to yourself, and not in relation to others. That your outer self must be in reference to your inner self. Now, to avoid falling into the trap, because if you do it in relation to others, you don't exist. And if you do it only in relation to yourself, you fall into pride. So, in both cases, it's problematic. The gesture of the Torah is that you must do it in relation to yourself, but for Hashem. Do you follow me or not? That is, you must improve your patience because it is a mitzvah. You must manage your anger because it is a mitzvah. You must avoid hatred because it is a mitzvah. So, when you do it for Hashem, you don't do it for yourself, you do it for God. Now, when you do it for Freud, you can identify with Freud. When you do it for your parents, you can identify with your parents. But when you do it for God, you cannot identify with God. Some have tried, they've had problems. So, it will force you to go as far as possible within yourself towards God. And when you reach the end of yourself, you are not God, but you are yourself. That means that the Torah has provided a security system to avoid falling into self-sufficiency and pride.

Does that make sense again? So, first, you have to do the work of being autonomous from the gaze of others. And I tell you, that starts very, very early. That's why I give this example. I don't even know if I told it in Montreal. I'm a bit tired now, plus the freezing of the brain because of the temperature. So, it's a mother, a young mother, with a year-and-a-half-old child. He's running in the dining room, and she hears "boom, boom, boom." Then suddenly she hears "boom." She understood that he fell. As if a mother would rush to see if he's okay. But she says, "I'll wait 2 minutes." She waits, and then she counts: one second, two seconds, three seconds, four seconds, five seconds. Wow, that's long for a cry. Yes. And when she's about to leave, she hears "Ah!" So, she thinks, why did the kid wait 5 seconds? The information of the pain on his knee took a hundredth of a second to reach his brain, and another hundredth of a second to reach his mouth. So, in truth, in 200 milliseconds, he should have cried. Why didn't he cry right away? Because he thought, "Is there an audience? Will I be able to get a lollipop?" At a year and a half, imagine at 35 years old. Do you understand or not? It seems simple to say, "Well, your inner self must be referenced, your outer self must be referenced to your inner self." But in truth, it takes a few years. I say it's called existential autonomy. You don't exist because of or thanks to. You exist because you must exist. It's the phenomenon of the compass. Do you know the compass? The circle? Because the Maharal says that man resembles a circle. Now, how do you draw a circle with a compass? The compass is the simplest tool in the world, but on the other hand, it's very intelligent. In fact, in Hebrew, it expresses it very, very well. Yes, "kompas" (compass). It doesn't matter.

So, you have the compass. How is it made? There's a point that points but doesn't write, and a point that writes but doesn't point. It's called a pencil. You plant the pointing point, and you draw. When you draw, you remove the compass, and you have a circle. It's magnificent. You learned in school that all the points, in fact, the circle, in fact, is a straight line whose two ends meet. A straight line is a set of points. The circle is what appears. It's what you see. Man is a circle. What do you see of man? You see his actions. When I say man, it's man and woman, you understand? Yes. You see the actions, you hear the words, and you see the attitudes, which are the expression of moods and state of mind. That's what appears on the outside. You see the person who is sulking, or you see them... you see they understand, they don't understand anything, they're sleeping, they're following, they're interested. That's what appears. That's what appears in the circle. Now, you know that everything that appears in the circle, yes, it's only the consequence of what appeared inside. Why? Because the distance between the point in the circle and the center, what we call the radius, is equidistant everywhere. It's always at the same distance.

Now, when you manage to create the traceability between an action and an intention, it's called self-knowledge. Why did I laugh? Why did I cry? Why do I get offended? Why do I want it? Why don't I want it? Why do I take it badly? Why don't I understand anything? Why do I understand? Why am I interested? Why am I not interested? Why am I upset? If you are not able to know the "why" of the action in your inner world, it means you don't have the link between the initial impulse of the action and the realization of the action. Now, the impulse is the inner self, the realization is the outer self. That's what's called "moussar." That's what "moussar" is. "Moussar" means that you are in personal self-analysis. That's called self-knowledge in French. It's called traceability. Normally, you should be able to say, "I reacted like this, in fact, it's a problem of pride, it's a problem of lack of confidence, it's a problem of fear, it's a problem of laziness, it's a problem of heaviness, of lack of reactivity."

Now, people don't do it. Why? Because they are so busy analyzing others, because we all want to be the psychoanalysts of others, that we have forgotten that the only person we can truly understand is ourselves. So, we go to a specialist. But the specialist, the poor thing, only sees you from the outside. He has a huge error rate. And then he has models. Whereas in truth, it's going to be complicated to use a model, since the Torah says that each person is unique. Just as faces are different, minds are different. So, in truth, the only person who can truly know you is you. Because even your mother, who brought you out of her womb, has an interpretation rate. Your husband has calculations, he has interests, like everyone else.

Now, when you look at yourself in the gaze of others, the problem is that the other's mirror is distorted. It's like there are people, I'm saying this as a random example, they buy ice cream in... it's complicated to say this in a female audience. Yes, but they buy ice cream that makes them... and then they wear skirts a bit, and then underwear that... and then at the end, they become... Okay. But what's the idea? It's that, just as on the level of your body, you want to give an image, perhaps on the level of your self too, you want to give an image. So, beyond that, you are not yourself. You are yourself only through the other. And if you go and say, "Ah, well, it doesn't matter. Listen, I'm a great actress. It's going very well. I'm fulfilled. I'm happy. I'm the model mom. Everything is going very well." Okay, great. I'm happy for you. And the practical reality? What's it for? And the alcohol, and the nervous breakdowns, and the unexplained crying? Listen, I have to go cry. Because... or I don't know. But you, you are the neighborhood... Well, yes, but I need to recover.

The cry is the cancellation of the letter. In French, it's called "bouleversement" (upheaval). Okay. The problem is that while you are busy existing in the gaze of others, you are not busy building your inner person. That the temptation of appearing can make you forget the objective of being. So, already, for women, you are very attached to your appearance. So, if in addition to that, your whole person is just an appearance, then you will appear. Now, what is appearing? We need appearing. We can't be naked in front of people. So, we need appearing. Now, what is appearing? It's a screen, a screen behind which you prepare yourself. It's like the wings, you know, in the theater. You have to intervene in a play called life. So, you prepare yourself in the wings. You rehearse your scene. "Oh, gentleman," you prepare yourself. And then they tell you, "Go, it's your turn," and you enter. "Oh, gentleman." There are the wings. Okay. So, in truth, appearing is the wings of being. Is that good? Now, why is it called "paraître" (to appear)? Because we hope that you will eventually "être" (to be). But sometimes you fall into the trap. You are so busy with appearing that you have forgotten to be. Because it's true that it's easier to appear than to be. Because to appear, it takes about half an hour to prepare. There are 50 years of renovation. No, I'm kidding. But being takes years and years and years of work.

And if someone says, "Hey, well, listen, the truth is, before listening to you, I didn't have this problem at all. I was fine. You've disturbed me, you've put things in my head that will drive me crazy." Now, don't take it the wrong way. You are like my sisters. Yes, I love you all. But I'm telling you right away: appearing doesn't go to the "lamaba" (heaven). It's being. So, if being is not born, it's like a fish. It's not born. Yes. Because if we tell you that the definition of life is to pass from potential to real, then when you don't realize yourself, you are not born. Now, what is life? It's the opportunity to become what you become. On the external level, it's your personality. On the internal level, it's that you become this self that... But if you haven't existed, you can't be. That's why it says that one who shames another in public will not go to the "lamaba." Why? Because it's "midah" (a trait). Because to go to the "lamaba," you must realize yourself in the real world according to the mitzvah. And since the mitzvah is eternal, by realizing your person in the mitzvah, in the real world, you become eternal. And when you become eternal, you go to "lamaba."

Now, if you prevent someone from realizing themselves, they don't exist. Since they don't exist, they have lost the opportunity to go to "lamaba." Okay? So, since you made them lose it, you also won't go to "lamaba." That's why it says, "He who shames his friend in public will not go to 'lamaba'." Well, you say, "What's the connection? Okay, I teased him. I like to tease people. Okay, he hanged himself. But it's because he was weak." But in truth, you prevented him from existing. So, I took an extreme example. Yes. But you can prevent someone from existing through harassment. You can sometimes prevent them from existing unintentionally because you have a very strong personality, and your children are stifled, they don't even dare to be themselves. Or you are too interventionist. "What did you do? What did you say? Where were you? Why did you think that?" Come on, let's go to the therapist. We always complained that our parents were too absent. But on the other hand, their absence developed our presence. Whereas sometimes parents are so present that the guys remain inside. I'll mime it for you. Inside, he's 24 years old, he's an engineer. You say, "But get married, Mom. Please." "The shidduch (matchmaking)." "Stop, stop stressing me out. Stop."

Does anyone ask a 5-year-old to do a shidduch? Look on... Now, the other one has castrated him because for years he told him he wasn't capable. The other one suffocated him. "My heart, my life, my love, you will never leave me. You will never leave your mother." No. But I've had cases. The woman is divorced, the husband has left, or she is a widow. She has chosen that the son is her husband. She won't... he won't get married. The guy, every time, "No, she's fat, she's not good for you, she doesn't deserve you. Look, you have everything you need. What's missing? What do you want? What's wrong?" Hey, so be reasonable. I've seen that, you know. I haven't studied, I'm telling you. But my zoological observations have taught me a lot. Ah, they show what we see in the jungle of the community, all sorts of animals. So, this idea that the person must exist. We already said, number 1, that they manage to develop an inner self that is in reference to themselves. Rashi calls this "v'yomar li" (and he said to me), "my heart tells me." So, psychologists say, "Learn to listen to yourself, learn to love yourself, learn to respect yourself." Yes, but what is loving yourself? It's not appreciating yourself or... "Le'ehov" (to love) is "Ahavah." Yes, "Ahavah" is the same Gematria as "Ad" (until). So, in fact, to love is to become one. So, to love yourself is to become one with yourself. Now, the fact that it creates feelings that make you appreciate yourself is a second step. But first, you become one with yourself. And since, before knowing God, before loving someone, you must love yourself. Before loving someone, you must know them. Okay? Because you must be sure that you love the person you know, and not the person you wished they were.

I see women calling me, saying, "I discovered my husband's true face." "Why did you marry Fantomas?" "No, but I know his true face now." "Oh, really? So, who are you married to?" And sometimes the opposite. "Ah, but I would have so wanted... I would have hoped... I'm waiting... and I prayed... and if you want, he will change. He will be my father. He will be my brother." He will not be your father, he will not be your brother. He will be himself. Ah, that's discouraging. But now, you must love him as he is. In the same way, a child, you must love him as he is. Your husband, you love him as he is, or you impose on him who he should become. And therefore, he experiences it as stress. He doesn't become, and you are disappointed. But you are not disappointed by him, you are disappointed by your expectations. He is not an intellectual. He is not an intellectual. You say, "No, I would like him to be an intellectual." But he's a plumber. He's not an intellectual. But he's sincere, he's honest, he's kind, he's serious. You say, "Yes, but that's nothing. I want to talk about philosophy." Okay. The other one is an intellectual. The other one, yes, but he cheats on his wife every 3 weeks. Because he's a bit messed up... equatorially. So, what do you want?

Firstly, and secondly, if you didn't have an intellectual, it's because you are not an intellectual. I have people who call me. "I am very intellectual, a scholar." And I don't understand why I married a guy who understands nothing about the inner world. I say, "Madam, I am an intellectual." "Me, really?" "Well, I've cured myself. But if I ask three or four philosophical questions, we'll see." She didn't even understand the words. I say, "Excuse me, don't take it badly, but you are not an intellectual." "Yes, yes, I am an intellectual." "No, no, no. You dream that you are an intellectual. You would have wanted to be an intellectual, but you are not an intellectual." It's okay. It's okay. So, first, you come back to your senses. "Leftov." Because when you walk in the street and there are shoes following you, it means you are beside yourself. And then, when you are in your shoes, you look at your husband and say, "But in fact, we go well together. Because every trash can has its lid, every pot..." Oh, the slip of the tongue, almost voluntary. No, it's been about 40 years since I said something unintentionally, but it could happen one day.

So, what's the idea? It's that, just as you, well, you will become one with the person in front of you, you will become one with the person within you. Now, since you cannot love someone you don't know, and since loving means becoming one, then you must learn to know yourself. So, you will put a camera inside yourself, and you will put a camera outside yourself. So, you will film yourself feeling, reacting, and you will film yourself living. So, everything you film inside is called proposition A. Everything you film outside is called proposition B. And then you pose the equation: Is A = B? Do you follow me or not? But if you really don't want to do it, and you force it, A is not equal to B. If you say you understood, but you understand nothing, A is not equal to B. If you say, "Well, I'll do it because the Torah said so," but it annoys you, A is not equal to B. Do you understand or not? And again, you will say, "Well, that's how it is. That's life. We can't have everything we want." Even my mother told me, "Listen, suffocate, darling, it will be okay. I'll give you medicine for your ulcer." But no, you can't. Why? Because the act of being yourself means you nourish your inner self. Now, your inner self is nourished by the fact that you are coherent between what you do and what you say, between what you think and what you say, between what you do and what you... and what you think. So, when there is no coherence, it doesn't nourish. Do you understand or not? You say, "I want to make this cake." Okay. I made the cake. That's good. "I want to tidy up the dining room." I tidied up the dining room. "I want to have a real adult discussion with my husband." I had a real adult discussion with my husband. What did I do? I did what I said. I did what I thought.

Now, what is the resonance of the fact that you do what you say? Already, the fact of doing what you say is called "being" in French. And joy, says Rabbi Dessler, is the satisfaction of being. So, when you don't do what you say, you don't have the satisfaction of being, so you don't have joy. But you do many things. Yes, but you don't do what you want. You don't do what you think. You don't know. You don't do what you believe. You don't do what you have reflected on. So, you don't feel good. Firstly. And secondly, in everything you do, there is always a double gaze. What you do, what you become. Everything is filmed. Here, here. You think you're going to remember? Not even a dream. Try to understand. And then, God willing, you will take the course again, and you will write it down, you will cut it into 12 seconds and 12 sequences, and you will apply it over the next 12 months. And in a month, in a year, we'll talk again. You think you understand now. In fact, you are participating. It's like you're passing by TGV. After, I tell you, there were how many cows? I saw them. There is no allusion to the fact that I find myself in front of a herd. [Music] In front.

So, what's the idea? It's that when I do something, anything, yes, I must draw from it what I have become. For example, you explain for the 150th time to your son not to hit his little brother. So, what you do for him is education. But you, in truth, you want to strangle him. No, you have to tell the truth. So, the fact that you don't strangle him creates in you what is called "savlanut" (patience). So, what you do is education. What you become is patient. Do you follow me or not? Now, this exercise of becoming, what I call existential bodybuilding, yes, it makes your self stronger and stronger, the inner self. Why? Because it's called a trial. A trial within a trial is called a "nissayon." The goal of the "nissayon" is "L'id Gaber." "L'id Gaber," we said earlier, what is it? To strengthen oneself is to be "gver" (strong). "Gver" is to be an adult. How do you become an adult? Because in the face of a situation, you behave like an adult. Now, the act of assuming a reality increases your maturity. Like when you move up a grade. You are in... I don't know. But I don't even know how I say it randomly. Now, when did you become a student in the higher class? During the previous year. But if you did nothing the previous year, if you didn't listen to the classes, you didn't do the exercises, you didn't prepare for the tests, and you didn't take the tests, you stay at the same level. And people don't understand. They say, "Rabbi, how is it that I always have the same trials?" I say, "Because you are repeating the year." "Why do I always encounter the same type of person?" Because you haven't learned the lessons. Because you haven't evolved. "Why can't I solve my diabetes problem?" Because you continue to eat candy in secret. "Yes, I need it when I'm not feeling well." It's okay. You can also choose the date of your death. Yes. It's a vicious disease, diabetes. We even say it. But diabetes, or what? It's vicious because you don't see anything. On the contrary, it's all through gentleness. And one day, it tells you, "Listen, we're going to have to cut off your toes." "Ah, well, your retina is detaching." "Ah, it's diabetes." You realize that the candies have a bitter taste. Do you follow or not? But it's not diabetes that made you sick. It's the incoherence. It's the childishness. It's the refusal to accept that your body is not adapted to sugar. It's like a diet. It's... it's vicious. Some eat nine pizzas and they lose weight. Some eat a lettuce and they gain weight. The world is unfair. It's a "xera" called the thyroid. Yes. As Confucius said, "Colard mazal tov." Now, you know that you absorb calories. Either you exercise, or you eat less. And if you say, "But I can't. I'm hungry." I'm hungry. So, there is physical hunger and psychological hunger. So, maybe you finish your plate because you can't finalize your choices. Maybe you empty the fridge because you can't impose your point of view. Maybe at work you are not fulfilled, so you say, "The fridge, I'm going to... I'm going to finish it. The nine bars, I'm going to eat them." A good movie. Nine bars. And off you go. You become a student of Rabbi Cellulite, who himself studied at the yeshiva of Rabbi Calorie. One day, I had a cholesterol problem. So, for the first time in my life, they made me meet a nutritionist. I didn't know that existed. I'm hungry, I eat. So...

He told me, "Well, you're having some cheese. It comes from La Patos." She told me, "Well, you're having an eighth of Camembert." I said, "An eighth? What's that?" She told me, "You take the Camembert, you cut it into four, and then you cut the four into two. That makes an eighth." I said, "But that's nothing! I eat half a Camembert." She told me, "If you're hungry at 11 AM, you eat four almonds." Four almonds! But me, I finish a 150-gram bag in one second. I don't even think about it, I just eat them.

When there are conferences, trips, things like that, sometimes I'm in Marseille. I finish the conference, it's 1 AM, I'm hungry. I have almonds, I eat them. But they are salted, roasted, oiled almonds. It's simple. In the hips, you understood or not?

So you say, "So how am I going to do it?" Well, by force of circumstance, the COVID happened, and a weakness, and all that, I lost a lot of weight. Yes. And so I calmed down a bit. But no, now the sugar in my coffee disgusts me. A candy, I feel like vomiting. I don't understand. All these years I thought it was normal, but in the end, it wasn't normal, because now I'm very well. Before, for example, I couldn't eat without doing this. It's impossible. I have three, three meals. But at Chiva, I put a whole baguette in the morning. Well, I had energy. He called me at the sch, I was so thin. Yes. But I ate, I ate. The problem is that my body didn't react the same way anymore. I wasn't eliminating, so I was keeping it.

But one day, I thought, "Why do I eat so much?" I said, "I'm going to try, like, potatoes and meat." I'm not hungry anymore. It's more vicious than beans and steak. It works too. Shower. You can nourish yourself without bread, okay? Well, you make the psychological transfer of food. What do you do? You nourish yourself or you fill yourself up? You take energy, yes? Or you justify your existence? You realize yourself through your gourmet dimension, like Top Chef. Yes? Or you take the energy you need.

Sometimes I arrived in places, I had jet lag, I was tired, I wasn't in shape. And I arrive in Geneva at 3 PM, I'm hungry. I don't have time to eat, people are waiting for me. How am I going to do it? It's a beautiful house, there's a pool, the weather is nice. What do I do? I say to the lady, "Listen, give me 10 minutes, please. I'm looking for something that inspires me." I see the lawn, it's a very, very beautiful, open space. I look at the lawn for 20 minutes, and the color and the light give me energy. I give the course for 2 hours, and I'm not hungry anymore.

In fact, the essential feeds on the essential, but the superficial feeds on the superficial. Now, the problem is to believe that your need for the essential can be fed by the superficial. So you need to exist, you go shopping, you spend money, you feel like you have power. But in fact, you have purchasing power, you don't have the power to be. Yes, you buy the phone that makes ice cubes, you say, "Yes, I'm good in reality." But in truth, it does the same thing as the one before, but you feel like you're more connected. You have 14, 19, you have 23.

So you have to learn. That's why the Torah wants spirituality so you know, deep down, what is the priority? Is it the inner world? Is it the outer world? Now, when you're going to do it as a mitzvah, in truth, what are you going to do? You're going to take energy. But instead of taking external energy, you're going to take internal energy. So when you eat, for example, yes, you make a bracha. Why make the bracha? The bracha is the login that will unlock the spark that is in the fruit. If you have the opportunity, on my YouTube channel, I did a course on nutrition for non-Jews. I explained the bracha to them. The guys were like crazy. They came at the end to tell me, "How does it work?" And the fire. I told you, stop. But you want your money, you go to the bank, you do it on the machine, it asks for your login. Now, what is it? OEL. OEL is Aleph, Lamed. It's good. It says the Ben Ish Chai, the first letter and the last letter are Aleph, Lamed. Which one is it? It's a name of Hashem that expresses goodness. The remaining letters are Vav, Vav. It's 26. 26 is still goodness. So in truth, OEL is goodness within goodness. We call it "chemed," it's the goodness that is dressed in the fruit. So in truth, what nourishes you is not the calories, not the carbohydrates, it's the intention that this food nourishes.

So now you come into contact with that, you take from that food, but you can also take the wrapper. Now, pure energy gives strength, yes? But the wrapper gives fat. Well, yes, because since you looked at the superficiality with your superficiality, because you are superficial, you will only benefit from the superficial. But if you are in the essential, you are looking for the essential, yes? You will see that in the essential, you can interchange energies. For example, you talk to someone intelligent who loves you and whom you love, you feel like you've had a meal, whereas if you are concentrated and you haven't eaten, you can't think. So automatically, your brain stops working.

Even though the nutritionists said that we use more calories to eliminate the excess calories we've taken in than calories to nourish ourselves. It means we eat so much, you're following me or not, that we have too many calories. Moreover, three-quarters of the diseases we have are because we eat too much. So then we have to spend calories to eliminate calories. Well, in the same way, if you create false problems for yourself, then you spend an enormous psychological energy to manage false problems. Now you try to find real solutions to false problems, and when you are exhausted from finding real solutions to false problems, then the real problems arrive, but you have no more energy. I can't anymore, I don't want to talk, I'm at my limit. But you're at your limit of what? You got worked up because you didn't find the right scarf to go with your suit. You told yourself a lie that your sister-in-law doesn't like you, so you went to therapy. Then you destroyed your head over the money you gave to someone, even though in truth you gave it with a good heart, but then you regretted it. So it's a false problem. I'm telling you, eliminate the false problems, and there are practically no problems left.

Now, the problem is, who is directing you towards false problems? The yetzer hara. And the yetzer hara only has power because you are weak. So he is strong, and since you act like a child, he acts like an adult. And then your whole life you are manipulated. Like people who say, "I get angry because people make me angry." People say, "You know, I'm not nervous, but when people make me angry, I get angry." Well, well, you know, I'm already happy to see that you don't get angry when people don't make you angry. That's good because you say, "I get angry when people make me angry." So when people don't make you angry, you don't get angry. That's good. So we won't have to institutionalize you. That's not bad, yes? However, the fact that you get angry when people make you angry, I don't find that normal.

Well, come, I want to explain to you that when people make me angry, I get angry. It's normal. It's the frog. You touch its nerve, it jumps. That's it. Every action entails a reaction. Okay? Now, if you speak French, a reaction is a reaction. So there was an action, and there is a reaction. So there was someone who acted, and you reacted. So that means that if you only reacted, it means that the other person, by acting, is the master of your action, which is only a reaction. Okay?

So you're going to tell me, "Yes, okay, okay. Well, all this theory is nice. When I was 14, I said, 'Hashem, I no longer want to be in reaction. I want to be in decision. I want it to come from within. I don't want it to come from outside.'" So when someone is annoying, they will annoy me, okay? But to give you an image, what is a person? It's skin that protects. Inside, there are muscles and flesh. In the muscles and flesh, there is the spine, which is very hard. The bone is very hard. And inside, there is the spinal cord, the nervous center. Can you explain to me how the person from the outside got into my nervous center, when the skin represents dignity, self-respect, and balance? The muscles and flesh represent middot, moral qualities. The skeleton represents the mental structure, which is extremely strong and carries me. And my nervous system is well protected inside. So if when you speak, it annoys me, it means I have no dignity, I have no middot, and I have no mental structure. I'm an earthworm. I'm a vertebrate. You poke me here, I go there. You poke me there, I go there. I'm an ant. I see that, I go over there, I go over there. I'm a sparrow. I'm always afraid the cat will come or the hunter will shoot. Tell me, can't you have a little serenity? Yes. Well, well, people are mean. Yes, I'm starting to understand your problem. That's why the Torah says, "Build the inside." Build.

Now, the yetzer hara is anti-construction. Because the yetzer hara is physically represented by Amalek. And Amalek has the same numerical value as "safek," and "safek" is doubt. There are four types of doubt: you doubt God, you doubt yourself, you doubt the other, you doubt out of ignorance. When you don't know, you doubt. When you don't have confidence in yourself, you doubt. When you don't have confidence in God, you doubt. What will tomorrow bring? Will I get through this? Will I survive this night? You doubt. And when you don't have confidence in yourself, "Anyway, I'm not capable, I'll never make it." Now, these four types of doubt are the four facets of the yetzer hara. Because, once again, the yetzer hara is represented physically by Amalek. And that's why we saw in this morning's parsha that when it's written that the Bnei Yisrael doubted God because they said, "Is God among us or not?" Right after, it's written, "Amalek came and made war." It means that in fact, Amalek doesn't exist. It's only the reflection of our doubts. It's as if you doubt your son, well, you create in him a lack of self-confidence, because he seeks confidence in your eyes, and you don't have confidence in him because you say, "Yes, he's very impressionable." Now, since you don't have confidence in him, he doesn't have confidence in himself. Okay? Then you say, "Ah, you see, I was right not to have confidence. He keeps making mistakes." But he makes mistakes because he doesn't have confidence. Why doesn't he have confidence? Because he doesn't have confidence in you. Because he sees that he can't have confidence in you, because you don't have confidence in him. But why don't you have confidence in him? Because you don't have confidence in yourself.

Because the one who hasn't managed to get out of the labyrinth, how will he explain to the other how to get out of the labyrinth? The one who is full of complexes, how will he say to the other, "I'm proud of you"? But now, a priori, these are simple things, right? There's nothing. I'm not telling you things that cost 2 million euros that you say, "Listen, I don't understand anything, but I think it's important." No, I'm telling you simple things that you experience every day. The only difference is that you've never taken a step back. It's like someone who has a doctorate in literature, so he knows how to read, right? Yes? No. He's read 23,000 pages in his life. He knows how to read. You tell him, "You know how to read?" He says, "Of course." "Well, give it to me then." You say, "Here, read." The guy says, "No, but I can't read." "Ah, Mr. So-called Doctorate in Literature, then read." "I can't read." Why? "Listen to the sentence. Listen to how beautiful it is."

I lack perspective. Why do you talk to your 25-year-old son as if he were 8 years old? You haven't seen him grow up. You lack perspective. Understood or not? Why do you live your relationship still in superficiality? You, me, you. Yes, you're bothering me. You're bothering me. Why? Because there's a lack of perspective. Why do you have the same rebellion with God as when you lost your father at 14, and now you're 48? So you lack perspective. So you're looking with the same gaze as back then.

Now, the problem isn't very serious. We need some idiots, otherwise who would I work for? No, I'm kidding. So the problem is, since we said that the inner self is built by the resonance of the trial, because what you're going through is a trial, what we call in French an experience. The relationship to experience is the existence that you will exist in this experience, yes? And what you become thanks to this experience is called maturity. So in fact, maturity is the weight of your inner self. So your inner self grows when you assume external realities. Okay? But if you haven't developed an inner self, you'll spend your life legitimizing your actions because of external selves. The others. That's why the compass, when you've drawn the circle, be careful, the point is always inside the circle. If you put the point outside the circle, can you redraw the same circle? No. You'll make another circle. Now, the point is the "kav," it's the decision, and the pencil is the realization. So if the point is outside, it's someone else who decides what you realize. So whether it's because of someone or thanks to someone, it's still not you holding the point of the compass.

It's a short video, 7 minutes. In fact, it's a long course of an hour and a half. And someone took the 7 minutes and put it online. It got 90,000 views. So one day I met a president of a Masonic lodge. You know the Freemasons? He told me, "You know, Mr. Rabbi, we take your video about the circle, we show it, and then we talk about it for 2 hours before starting the 4-day seminar." The Freemason, Patos, does that. And the fire. I said, "I find the video about the circle nice. It made me laugh." It's sad, at the limit. I understand why Jesus changed his audience. But no, I'm kidding. But the idea is this. The idea is to say, you receive teaching, bravo, it impresses you, col à cavone. But what are you going to do with it? Yes, you listen to a course. Now, I put in jokes because you need a little lubricant. What do you retain? The jokes? You think I spent 10 years in philosophy, 15 years studying Torah, and 35 years teaching to make jokes? But when I sleep, I make jokes. You think I need my brain to make jokes? But it's Raval. I give you the meaning of thought, yes? I give you 3 years of psychology faculty in one hour, and you retain the jokes. Do you think we're doing a course here? No, we're doing an existential journey together. So you're supposed to be someone else when you leave the course. Because the people tell me, "Listen, what you manage to do in an hour, we do in a year." I say, "Because I didn't try to pay for the pool." Ba, I propose to you, you work. There are those who come and laugh, and there are those who evolve. But no, it's not easy. Because every time you hear a positive phrase that can make you grow inside, there's the yetzer hara that says, "Yeah, it's not easy," and "He doesn't know my husband," "It's not what I went through," and "My mother didn't give me love." But you, who are you working for? You're working for the enemy. You're working for the self that prevents you from growing. You're working to maintain your depression. You don't want to get out of it. Do you understand or not? I see people ask a question, I answer them. What do they say? "Yes, but it's not easy." I said, "But here, what I gave you, what I gave you, you have a year to integrate it. So say yes, go work." As soon as you say "but," you break the impact. And when you add "it's not easy," there's nothing left. Did you understand or not? I gave you the flour, I gave you the eggs, I gave you the chocolate, I gave you the oven. I gave you everything. And you do this. It's useless. Then you tell me, "But still, I want to eat the cake." But I gave you the ingredients. But the cake is what you have to make, otherwise it's not your cake, it's my cake. Understood or not?

It's called effort in French. And what is effort? Effort is what allows you to bridge the gap between what you dream and what you do, between what you desire and what you become. Okay? And strangely, effort is written with an apostrophe, S T, effort. And it's written E, F, O, R, T, E, E. Yes, E, Z, F, R, T. Are you following me or not? So in fact, you are strong. Yes, you are strong. You have to write it. You are strong. E, F, O, R, T. You'll say, "I can't." So you'll write "l'effort." There are only two solutions. And if you don't do it for yourself, who are you going to do it for? Because people tell me, "Yes, but R'ev, it requires a lot of effort. You could die." It requires no effort. You lie down, you pray very hard, and you stop breathing, and then you'll have eternal rest. So if you want, before dying, maybe you could live. Okay? And you can't be alive without effort, since we said that life is about moving from potential to actual. Now, since inside you there are forces that tell you, "It's useless, it's too difficult, I'm tired, I'm too old, I don't believe in it anymore, it's too hard." Who said that? It's written. So it's an effort to overcome all that to do something good in your life. Are you following me or not? So you overcome to have a connection with your husband, and you overcome to clear the table, and you overcome to prepare your Shabbat, and you overcome to develop your self-respect, and you overcome to finish writing your book. But there will be efforts to be made. That's why it's written, "Adam, man was created to make efforts." People think it's a path of the cross, and you have to put yourself, you have to flagellate yourself, and you have to go, and you have to go, and you have to go. But no, it's called life.

I'll give you a secret in education: don't teach your children to be intelligent, to be cultured. Teach them to make efforts. And when the child knows how to make efforts, he will learn everything. But if you taught him, "Listen, don't learn spelling, Word corrects it. Don't learn mental math, the calculator will do it." Now they've invented ChatGPT, have you seen that one? That one will create real problems of constipation, that one, GPT. Yes. So people no longer need a brain. That's another sign that Mashiach is coming, because people, the thing does it for you. At first, it's funny, you say, "Write me an essay on..." Then you say, "Translate this into Hebrew." Then you say, "Write me 14 different resignation letters for six personalities, whose positions are as follows." So you're no longer useful. The lawyer is useless, the notary is useless, even the programmer is useless. You tell him, "Redo me the same site as Intel." He does the programming, the lines of code like this. So competence is useless. Understood or not? But what's the sign? The best way to make idiots is to do the work for them. So when, instead of letting yourself be mastered, he sends you into anger, he does the work for you. When, instead of getting up to go, you say, "Ah, let me pray for you, do it, do it, do it for me. I don't want to, I'm tired." In the end, you become weak.

My grandmothers, my grandmothers, at 83 years old, "Come on, let's change the kitchen. Come on, give me 2 kilos of flour." You say, "Grandma, it's... you see her, she's already tired." And what was their proverb in Arabic? "May God not leave us doing nothing." And the other, the little niece, 22 years old, got married yesterday. "I'm dead. I emptied the suitcase. I need a day to recover. The little one killed me." Tell me, your grandmother had 14, did you ever hear her complain? The funniest is when your children come to spend Shabbat at their grandparents'. So the grandparents are 80 years old, the others are 22, 23. The grandparents are peeling. "We're almost done. Rest. I'll bring you an orange juice." "Mom, I can't anymore. Grandma, I can't anymore." I don't think she's 80. FIFA. The other is 20, she's in her last year. You say, "Yeah, but you know what we're going through? You know, I'm overwhelmed. I drove halfway across Montreal to fix my phone. I can't anymore." But your grandmother used to go back and forth 24 times to buy, to get water from the well, to do the laundry. Did you see her complain? Her hands were black from scrubbing the laundry. You have to press a button. "I'm tired of this machine, it's too slow." No, it's okay. Thank God, there's progress. So we're getting lazier, heavier, sicker. That's why doctors say that three-quarters of diseases come from sedentariness. So since you sit all day, you have back pain, kidney pain, circulation problems, blood problems, breathing problems, because you do nothing. Whereas before, the other would go get water, get the thing, chop the wood, prepare. It took 4 hours. Go to the canon, take the wood, cut it into small pieces, grill it, make the embers, take the coffee, grill it, grind the filter, get the water, put it in the coffee. 3 hours. You press a button, you say, "Honey, can you press the button? I'm your [Laughter] dog." You say, "I should have married Grandma."

But the idea is, again, it's not the problem of doing things or not doing things, it's that by not doing the thing, you lose the opportunity of what you would have become thanks to the thing. Are you following me or not? For example, people say, "Bravo for the conferences, bravo for the trips, bravo." But I learn more than you. I, for example, I came tonight. The truth is, I had nothing in my head. Nothing, nothing. Not even the title. Yes. So now I'm giving a course. I'm like you. I'm attending. But it's dangerous because I'm putting myself in a situation of discomfort. But in discomfort, there is strength. So I don't want comfort. So I'm putting myself in danger. Danger forces me to think. I become more and more intelligent. I learn better. I push the subject. I deepen things. Then people come to me and say, "Listen, I'm a psychoanalysis professor. Your course is at a doctoral level." I say, "I don't know. I've given conferences." Did you understand the idea or not? It means you seize the opportunity. Ah, but you say, "There's fatigue, there's jet lag." Yes, there's a price to pay. It's okay. You pay, but you receive. You say, "NO, I got into an argument to make no effort." Okay, but you're useless. Yes, it's true. You sit down, you prepare your juice, you put on your series, you stay like that. Then you see the second one, then after, you say, "I'm starting the third one." You spent the night there. It's okay. Tomorrow I don't work. Okay? But you have no more brain. Then you're nervous with the children. Then you send your father, your husband. Then he says, "Well, we never do anything together." You argue. Tired. Now, okay, you say, "Poor thing, she had to do her Chavas all night. She had to write a book." No, she watched a series. Understood how it works?

Now, the fact of not succeeding in getting out is normal because it's done on purpose to create addiction. But who is addicted? You. But no, you have something to do with your life. So who is addicted? The other one, who has nothing to do with his life. So that means you are not in possession of the mastery of your choices. Okay? So your inner self is weak. Why? Because it's not nourished.

So I told you, the act of self-realization creates joy. It's called the satisfaction of being. The act of assuming creates maturity. Now, the realization of maturity creates self-confidence. The act of seeing your personal valorization, of what you have become, encourages self-respect. All this comes because you are in control of your inner impulses and your choices. It creates self-mastery. So I'm telling you that self-mastery, self-respect, self-valorization, joy, confidence, all this comes from that. That's why He is interested, because you don't know your value, but He knows your value. On the, that's what the Rebbe of Lubavitch said. The SS sent 200 SS soldiers to find a Jewish child who was hidden in the forest. You say, "But I don't understand. These guys are 2 meters tall, they weigh 100 kg, they've been through the Russian campaign, they're monsters, they're killers, they're commandos, for a little 8-year-old kid who was hidden on a farm in France." He was told, "Watch out, the Nazis are coming." He ran away, he's in the forest, he's running, and he's crying, and he's running, and he's crying. And the 200 animals, the barbarians, are looking for him. So the Rebbe of Lubavitch said, "If the Nazis sent 200 men to catch a Jewish child, that proves to you the value of a Jewish child." Now, what do you say? You say, "Well, this one is going astray. Well, too bad for him." You don't feel sorry for him, no? So the Nazi is more sensitive than you. Now, when you are sensitive to the child, you could also be sensitive to yourself. He says, "You don't feel sorry for your soul?" You don't feel sorry for your soul? It needs Shabbat. It needs prayer. It needs... It needs... No, I can't. People need to know that I redid my legs. They need to understand the price it cost me to redo everything. Even the doctor called it Silicone Valley. She's entirely plastic, so she can't go scuba diving because she floats. And on the other hand, it's so artificial, you don't really see what's left of the person. The other one put so much Botox. Excuse me, but wrinkles are beautiful. The young girl is beautiful. The woman is beautiful. Yes. The mother is beautiful. The grandmother is beautiful. Did you notice I skipped the mother-in-law? But no, I'm kidding. Yes, but you are beautiful. You are beautiful. You have wrinkles. You are beautiful. You say, "No, it's shameful. I have to remove this. I have to remove this." Then it's like a house. You say, "Let's do the ceiling." Then you say, "But the walls are disgusting." Okay. Ah, well, now you've seen the hallway. Let's do the hallway. So you start with the Botox, you end with the... And all that in the superficial, and in your image, and in your exterior. So when are you going to start psychology? And when are you going to start spirituality? You're far away. Yes, but in the end, your plastic behind isn't going to go to the Lambada, even if you took the eternal model. No. You have to say things as they are. Do you understand or not? I see grandmothers, or even my mother, "Cachaz, keep her healthy." I've known her for a while. I've never seen her angry. I've never heard someone praying in a second or third voice say, "I argued with your parents. They reacted badly. Yet they had problems, they had suffering, they had discomforts, they had explanations, they had disappointments." But it has nothing to do with it. It's called the perpetuity of being. Are you following me or not? We don't even talk about it. We used to say, "Yes, cousin, be quiet." Yes, but it's not done. God takes care of everyone. Indeed, the guy got fat. But they did nothing. You say, "No, hatred, lashon hara, denunciation, scandal in the family, not inviting them to the bar mitzvah, to the wedding, and lawyers and police." No, no, no. It's going to go very well, and it's going very well, thank God. It's true. The six divorced children, only for adultery. The other never got married. You see that God forgets no one. It's logical. You plant weeds, you harvest weeds. It's logical. The opposite. Or my father, well, they told him, "Come, do like us. Open stores." But you're open on Shabbat? He was a handyman, a tailor. Then no work. He was a handyman. He did markets. He always did it to keep Shabbat. All his children, thank God, in the Torah. Four children of rabbis, one half, and one daughter. Thank God, all the children in the Torah. You pay, you reap. You say, "No, Shabbat is complicated. And we need... there's tennis, there's sports." Okay. Then you say, "Kashrut is difficult. We're in the Maldives, there's nothing to eat." Okay. Then you say, "Thank God, we have the big house." So it's normal. So we have to invent Bertrand and Félix. We can't give them kosher. It's primitive. So we make them homard. And then you see all the kids. One is crazy, one is depressed, one chose the wrong laundry detergent, he absolutely wants homard. The other tells you, "I don't believe in anything anymore." You say, "But how is that possible? The grandfathers were tzaddikim of Marrakech, and the little girl entered the convent." Well, it's a physical nut. Did you do physics? No. Nothing is lost, everything is transformed. Now, the previous generations understood. They invested in the future. We are consumers now. You consume food, you consume the present, you consume services, you consume the Torah. You are a consumer, whereas in fact, you should be an investor. You must invest. Grandmothers at 14 were married. We never saw their hair until their death. I thought my grandmothers had no knees, no elbows. I never saw their elbows. You say, "Really, you have a beautiful body, you have beautiful hair, everyone must know." How did she wash her hair? Always. I told this story. They had two scarves.

One above the other, so they would put themselves against a wall. They would open the first scarf, pin it to the wall, and underneath they would remove the second one with the basin. He had hair, he styled it, he dried it, he styled it, he put the scarf back on, and the second scarf. You say, frankly, it's a bit exaggerated. You're right. Okay. So, in fact, they hid things that they could have revealed. That's fine now. They had very beautiful hair. My mother used to tell me, black hair from Liss, straight like this. So she really wanted to get a blow-dry. No, now they have hidden things that could have been revealed, and their grandchildren have revealed parts of the Torah that are hidden. I'm telling you nothing secret, nothing is lost, everything is transformed. So you think they sacrificed their lives? On the contrary, they invested. The guy at the time, he bought himself clothes, he bought himself atmospheres, he bought himself evenings, and the other one bought buildings. Who is the clever one? He has the buildings. Well, they bought votes. They understood all that. It's nonsense. We're all going to die. And you see, the children, the grandchildren, the great-grandchildren, in fact, they invested. My father always used to say, my children are my wealth. And the others, the supermarkets, the things, and one more foolish than the other, in short, it's the values. It's not the values, it's the values. Now, to be able to carry, you know, have you ever seen a crane? I'm not talking about the sister-in-law, the apparatus that allows you to lift. Yes, but now you know how it works. There's a thing like this, a body, and there's, I don't know, the arm, yes, with a motor. Now, on this side, it will lift 10 tons. But to be able to lift 10 tons at the bottom of the crane, on the other side, there are 10 tons. It's called the counterweight. Do you follow me or not? So, in truth, what you can carry, yes, is related to the counterweight of your interiority. That's why in Hebrew, "kavè" means heavy, and "cavode" means respect. Now, if you are light inside, it's normal that you will crack outside. So when you work on your interiority, you do the "cavode," meaning you give yourself the right to exist. You gain inner strength, you gain maturity, you gain strength, you gain experience. Well, you will see that the heavier you are inside, the more you can handle outside. I give this example. It's like, I say, actually, little David, what do you think about managing the two stores? Oh no, he's a bit light. When I tell you he's light, do you think he's thin? And the other one, when I tell you, do you know Professor So-and-so? Ah yes, ah yes. 17 years of medicine, 6,000 brain operations. That's heavy. Do you think the guy is obese? Now, heavy means he has an extremely built inner world. Light means that inside he is a water vapor, a chicken down. Now, we said that what you are inside is the resonance of what you are, in fact, it's what you have become, and what you have become is the resonance of what you have done. So you do things and you become, you do and you become. But if you do it for the gaze of others, then your image improves, but you don't change. So you have to do it for yourself to become. But we said, if you do it for yourself, you risk having pride, and pride is another form of shell, because pride is the dignity of the incompetent. Incompetent people are forced to show off. Good people don't need to show off because they are good. So you have to do it for your interiority. But the Maranashem, so that's why the Torah gives all these commandments that are related to the inner world. You shall not murder your neighbor. You shall not bear a grudge. You shall not covet your neighbor's house. Yes, then you work on the "leout" and you build your balance, and you develop your "imouna," and you develop your well-being, and you pay attention to your capital of joy, and you maintain your health, and you go to sleep when you are tired, and you eat only when you are hungry. All these rules, in the end, are applied in the external world, but the resonance is on the inside. Even in suffering, it's like that. I see people who have suffered, so I ask them, but can you talk about it? So there are people who can't. The other one was touched by her cousin when she was 6 years old, so she arrives, she even does this. Now she's 63 years old. It's strange, no? She has the same level of trauma as at the time. Then there's the other one who talks, but she cries. Listen, it's very, very hard. I'm doing it really because I trust you. I have images in my head. She's also 63 years old. Then there's the person who talks, but without crying. She says, listen, well, here it is. And then there's the person who has a complete perspective and who has drawn energy from it to say, this is what happened, this is how it was. I understood what my weakness was. I was young, he took advantage, and I will not identify with a victim. So I am a person of value, and he used me, but he only touched my body. My person is integral, she is pure, she is strong. And on the contrary, now I'm taking care of it. I've created an association to support children who have suffered from abuse. So she has gone to the other extreme of trauma. Trauma is paralyzing, experience is energizing. Now, the degree of perspective you have on a trauma is always proportional to the level of maturity. No, it's called in French, perspective. Well, in the same way, you will look at how you analyze the problems you have with your husband. If you are still in tears and nerves and "What does he want? He prevents me from living." That means there is no perspective. If there is perspective, there is analysis. If there is analysis, there is decision-making. If there is decision-making that is imbued with positivism, there are solutions. If there are solutions, there are no more problems. Or no? No, I can't. I can't forget. It's too difficult. And then you maintain it, and you start again, and you put the acid, and he puts the cream, and you put the cream, and he puts the acid, and the chemical reaction continues. Or else, both of you stop and say, "Hey, please, do you want us to take care of these two fools?" Are you capable of disincarnating with me, and the two of us watch these two imbeciles who are arguing? Or are we going to continue to tease each other like babies? Are we going to grow up before the "get"? In the same way, children are annoying. Children are disappointing. Okay, but they are at your home. One day they won't be there anymore. You'll have time to get angry at the walls. You'll go into the room and say, "Why didn't you listen to me? Why?" But he's here now. If you ruin it when he's here, what will you do when he's no longer here? So you play your role. You say, "Yes, but he doesn't understand anything. He doesn't listen to me." It's okay. You do what you have to do. Yes, the wall doesn't think, it protects. You protect, you give, you give advice, you give love, you talk, you stay silent, you do what's necessary. Now, he says, "No, anyway, you don't love me." My friend told me, "It's okay, let him talk, he's having a crisis, he's a baby." Later, he will gain perspective, he will see that his parents are losers, he will say, "But I have extraordinary parents." But for now, he is forced to complain, because otherwise he will be forced to say thank you. He will be forced to complain, because otherwise he will be forced to evolve. And since it's more comfortable to be a victim than a fighter, he will maintain that. But God willing, at some point, "gam zeh ya'avor" (this too shall pass), it will pass. He will grow up, and at that point, he will have the benefit. But if, when he is small, because he doesn't accept, you react badly, in fact, you don't give him the tools he needs. There was a rabbi, Rabbi Kenaz, I specify, he had said, "Will you love your children enough to teach them to hate the flaws that you have passed on to them?" Do you understand or not? It's, "Will you arm them so they are capable of fighting against the flaws that you have given them?" Now, you take a risk, because if, because of the flaws, he loves you less, but you say, "I love you more than the love you give me. Now, for you to be autonomous and comfortable in your skin, I will tell you, 'This must be done, this must not be done.' And these mistakes, I made them." You say, "Yes, but you lower your image." At 8 years old, it's dangerous. But when he's 25, you can talk. He will likely have an ear. Now, he can take the honesty or say, "I will take advantage of this to break." If he has a complex, he will use what you told him to do harm. If he has a balanced foundation, he will say, "Kol kavod. I hope to reach this level of maturity one day." All life is like that, understood or not? Now, again, you do it with him. Yes, but remember what Benchetrit says: before educating the child in front of you, you educate the child within you. But in truth, it's at the same time. Yes, because the problems you have with your children are problems they have inherited genetically from you. Now, he is 8 years old, and you are 38. Now, you have 30 years to talk to him. What does the rabbi say? What does the psychologist say? What does the friend say? He tells you, "Try to put yourself in his place. Find the words to convince him." But the problem is that to convince him, you must be convinced. So, in fact, to try to solve his problem, you are forced to solve yours. So, with his problem at 8 years old, he gives you the opportunity to solve a problem you had at 8 years old, but that your father did not address. Do you follow me or not? So, in fact, the repair of the parent is the child, and it's very good, by the way. That's the difference between raising and educating. How do you know if you are educating children or raising children? Because a chicken farmer raises chickens, you know or not? If you evolve at the same time as your children, it means you are educating them. But if they don't evolve, it means you are raising them, because you are put back in place. You say, "Okay, I'm going to learn with this." Now, you don't have to tell him, but you work with this. But again, to educate yourself at the same time as you educate him, you must have the project of building this inner self. You must have the perspective to judge yourself. This is good, this is not good. So when you do that, you are in the action of personal evolution, and you build your self. And the more you build your self, the better you are, and the stronger you are, and the more at ease you are, and the more you manage situations, and the more you master your balance, and the more you regenerate your joy, and the more you master your tendency to let go and to depression. So, in truth, it's a self-motivating system. It's like your car. It's hybrid. So when you drive, it generates energy. By the way, we... And well, it's the same. But you say, "No, I'm a gasoline car. I burn, I burn, and when there's no more, I'm broken down. I have no gas, I stay put, I don't move anymore." Now, you have to regenerate. I do, I become. I do, I become. I confront, I evolve, I exchange. We evolve in the same way that you change with the child, you change with your husband. That's "Shalom Bayit." You change with your parents. You say, "Yes, but it's not easy. When I was 18, I suffered a lot. I was in full rebellion." Okay, well, 40 years have passed. You can go talk. Yes, but it's too late. He's dead. You can go to the grave, talk, scream, curse him, pee on the grave, then cry, apologize, and reconcile. You say, "But what's the point? He's dead." But you haven't understood. Already, when you were both alive, you were already facing each other. It doesn't change that he's not here, since anyway the work you had to do with yourself, facing him, well, now you do it with yourself, without him. If you don't do the work, you will drag the burden your whole life. You will give a bad image of a parent to your children, who will drag the burden after. It can go from one generation to another. So you have to reconcile. You are condemned. And similarly, when you have a real problem with someone, I had a very, very big problem with someone, well, my daughter's ex-in-laws. Well, I wrote an email. I wrote everything in it. I was very honest. I put all the details, everything that bothered me, everything that made me anxious, everything that disappointed me. To go look for, like, wedding gifts. But take them yourself with all the lies. Ah, we didn't give you the envelopes because they divorced. Ah, really? But it's been a long time since you had the envelopes. Yes. I said nothing. You freed my daughter from a mentally ill person. But I wrote everything in the email, everything. I emptied myself. It did me a lot of good. I didn't send it. Well, I'm going to send it. Controversy. You said that. I disagree. Testimonies. Cousins will intervene. Rabbis will call me. How could you say that? Why? To bring about... What I wanted was for the anxiety to come out. Now, the email is sick, and I am well. You say, but that didn't resolve anything. Why create controversy? It resolves... Going back to the past, it resolves... maintaining your hatred and your resentment. It's nothing at all. The "emar" remain "emar," and the intelligent ones remain intelligent. It's a proposal. Now, I wish you all the happiness. And my daughter, God willing, thanks to God, she got married, she had children. Yes, otherwise we would have remained in... I will never forget. I will never forget that he choked, that he suffocated. So I would have gotten an ulcer. My wife, who knows what she would have done. My daughter would have been complexed. She would have developed a fear of, like, the next one will be worse. Then she would be with a loser out of desperation. Then her whole life she would have endured, saying, "Well, it's still better than nothing." All this, why? Why? Why? For some "jebebes" who didn't understand the chance they had, or not? Then you will say, "And why did it happen?" Good question. Yes, I remember. I was in Casablanca on the day of the "get." There was a "sadic" there, for those who knew him, named Rabbi Delman. Have you heard of him? He's a very great, very, very great rabbi. I went to see him. I said, "Rabbi Delman, I never ask questions like this, but this is hard. It's a divorce. It's an amputation without anesthesia. This girl, Ara, she did nothing. She's kind. At 16, on the phone, she was solving the marital problems of 45-year-olds. People didn't know she was 16." Yes, incredible maturity, finesse, gentleness, a heart, a "ram." She was arranging "shidduchim" for her friends, organizing things, dealing with things, finding money to pay for the girl's schooling at the seminary. She fell for a guy, she suffered for a month and a half, she divorced. Okay. I said, "Why? What did this girl do?" What did he answer me? Listen to the answer of a "unam." Just two months before, there had been a bombing in Marrakech. There were two... ah, yes, people from here, Weisman, Visman, I don't remember their names, they died, and they were his students. He told me, "Shama, Marrakech, did you hear what happened in Marrakech?" I said, "Yes." He told me, "It's a divine decree." I said, "Yes." He told me, "Gam zeh, it's also a decree." Now, you have two solutions with a decree. Either you make yourself sick by shouting in the corridors. Why can it make you sick? Because in Hebrew, it's "lama, lama, lama." It's a syndrome called Serge. These are people who wake up in the morning shouting, "I am sick." It's to relax you a bit, because you are so serious. So, either you say, "God did it. God did it. It's okay. He makes birth, he makes death. That's how it is. He makes illness, he makes health. It's okay. It's the same God. I love him." Yes, when you accept this, it heals. When you refuse, it doesn't heal. Like us, with my wife, the first baby, he left after 15 days, he left. Premature. Well, my rabbi did me an incredible service. He told me, "Listen, he lived 15 days. It's less than 30 days. At 30 days, there are the laws of mourning. You don't tear up photos. You say in your head, it was a miscarriage, and you move on." But what a service he did me! I've seen people who lost their first, all pregnancies, traumatized. Each one accuses the other. Then they divorce because it's your fault we lost him, because you do sins, or because you are twisted, or because you are perverse. All this, why? Because they didn't accept the decree. Do you follow or not? Now, "emunah," yes, it's accepting to understand what you can understand, and accepting not to understand what you don't understand. "Emunah" is to make all possible efforts to master what depends on you, and to have an effort of restraint on everything that does not depend on you. The Torah says there are four things that don't depend: life and death, that doesn't depend on you, so it's not worth getting upset. Birth, babies, you have three babies, you have 14, that doesn't depend on you, you don't get upset. The house, it sells, it doesn't sell, it's yours, it's not yours, that doesn't depend on you, why do you get upset? "Parnassah," that doesn't depend on you, don't get upset. You run the store, you do your studies, you receive the client, it comes out, it comes out, it doesn't come out, it doesn't come out. Now, what do you do? The things that depend on you: go talk to your children, educate your daughter, go tell your wife that you love her, build with your husband. That depends on you. Then you say, "No, that's useless. It's ruined." Or else, "It's from Heaven." I'm going to light some candles. But he's there. Go talk to him. No, no, it's nothing. You don't know him. It's too hard. On the other hand, the things you don't master, there you have nervous breakdowns, ulcer attacks. Anyway, you don't master. Now, accepting what you don't master is "emunah." Understood or not? Now, what's the difference between accepting your person, accepting your qualities, accepting your flaws, accepting your abilities, accepting your weaknesses? When it's things that are intrinsic, yes, it's good. When it's things that can change, instead of giving up, go fight. Me, for example, I was very, very strong in French, in philosophy, I was very strong. So what did I do? I did math and physics. But I didn't like it. But I said, "I want to have both hemispheres of the brain developed. I don't want to be a math cripple." By the way, people who do math listen to my classes and say, "It's funny, you have a very mathematical reasoning." Because I forced myself. It's the same. I was very, very cerebral, so I spent all day on philosophy. So I said, "I'm going to be a "recèd" cripple." So I dealt with people, I learned to listen to people, to take time for people. But sometimes I said, "But this is completely idiotic." It's okay, because you, you want to compensate to be normal. And normal is the balance between the "dne" and the "rahamim," between the intellect and the emotional. Now, if you are an intellectual genius and an emotional lunatic, you are sick. If you are hypersensitive emotionally and completely idiotic intellectually, that's not good either. You need both. So the difference, the same thing as, in fact, these are laws of compensation. So, in the same way that you develop your self-confidence, yes, you must develop your confidence in God. And one compensates for the other. Because for things you master, you will have to develop your self-confidence. But for things you don't master, you will have to have confidence in God. So people who don't have confidence in themselves, they do nothing, because each time they say, "I won't be able to, I won't succeed." So they die in frustration. And people who don't have confidence in God, they don't have serenity, because since they think they master everything, when they see that it's not working, they despair, they lose morale, they want to die, when they just haven't accepted that it doesn't depend on them. Do you follow me or not? I remember, I was in Lyon. A woman came to me. She told me, "I'm going to die." "I know why," she told me. "I heard a statistic, every 9 seconds or every 9 minutes, I don't remember, a young girl in the world is raped." "Can you imagine?" I said, "Okay. Can you do anything?" She told me, "No." "What are we going to do?" She said, "But you are insensitive. Don't you understand?" That's what the Gemara says: hypersensitive people cannot live. So you have to create compartments. When I started giving classes, I gave Torah classes, like I still do. But when people called me, they didn't call me to say, "There's a contradiction in the Gemara. Rabbi Destler doesn't say what you say." They told me, "Well, what should I do? I touched my daughter. What? I'm cheating on my husband." And I was going crazy, because I became a toilet bowl. All the "hara" in the world fell on me. I was afraid. What did I do? I went to Sarcelles to see Rabbi Israel of Sarcelles. Have you heard of him? No. He's a bit like the Rebbe of Teshe. He was a "kadoche," he was very, very sick. He had five deadly diseases: multiple sclerosis, a nerve disease, a disease of... All day long, studying Torah. He answered "Nevuah." "Nevuah." I had at least 15 direct "nevuah" with him. Six months before, he told me, "You will move to Hanukkah." I pestered him so much. He told me, "Listen, you will move to Hanukkah. Four days, we lit in the first house, four days in the second." Can you tell me how, six months before, he knew I was going to move, even though I didn't even have the new house? Childbirth. He said, "You're giving birth in the hospital." My wife wanted to give birth at home. She said, "This one, you can give birth at home." One year, the World Cup fell on Tisha B'Av. People asked him, "Is it permissible to watch anyway? It's football." And he also loved football. Yes, he said, "No, it's Tisha B'Av. We can't watch." They said, "But can you imagine? It's France playing and all that." He told them, "Do you want me to tell you the result and the number of goals?" A year before, he told them. The poor things, you were frustrated. He said, "What? For that, you're arguing about a 2-0 for France?" Understood or not? He was a very great person. The problem is, why did I tell you this? Yes, yes. Ah, yes, I went to see him. Thank you. One person is following. I went to see him. I said, "I'm going to get sick. People are calling me with one catastrophe after another. I'm going to die. It's too hard." He told me, "It's like cases in the Gemara. You know there are very, very violent cases in the Gemara. I'm not going to dirty your head, but well, it's the Gemara. For example, with Al, if 10 men have passed over a single woman, yes, what is the law of who the baby is? Is he a mamzer or not a mamzer? Is she forbidden to her husband? Here, she is a Kohenet. All that is a case in the Gemara. But you can't imagine the men lying on the girl, raping her. For you, it's a case in Gemara." He told me, "You listen to the cases, you put the sensitivity to a minimum, and above all, you don't press 'Enter'." Did you understand or not? That means you invest yourself, you listen intellectually, you take the minimum details, because you have to see the men when they tell you how they cheated on their wives. I don't need the details. You tell me you cheated on her, that's enough for me. The garter belt, yes. And you answer. And then you close the Gemara, otherwise you will go crazy. I see people who take it to heart, they take it to heart, they get depressed, even therapists take pills and everything, because the other person needs your brain and a little bit of your heart. But if you put too much of your heart, you get sick. Well, it's the same way. There are things where you have to use your head, there are things where you have to use a little bit of your heart. Here, it's your children, you will put more heart. Here, it's a stranger, you will put less heart. Now, be careful in the economic management of your energy capital, not to put your whole life into work, because maybe you will have less strength for your children. Not to put your whole life into your children, because otherwise you will say, "Hey, it's funny, my husband tells me that I neglect him." Not to put your whole life into your parents, because then your family is on the side. Understand or not? You need to have this management. But again, all these are rules that are written. There are "halakhot" for everything. Yes, but to do them with "emunah," with trust, with self-confidence, with "halakha," with prayer, with maturity, with goodwill, and with joy, and everything will go well. Everything will happen, because the children will grow up. "Bar Mitzvah." You get anxious. It will happen. With my wife, we have done many "bar mitzvahs" and weddings. You get anxious, you stress. What is it? It's when you meet the in-laws. Listen, so, this is our first one. So how will it go? We hire a wedding planner, I don't know what, this thing. My wife always tells her, "Listen, there are five phones to make. If you want, we know the prices, we've done everything. If you want." Ah, no, but the theme of the tie, the color of the thing. As you wish. You want to deal with the nonsense, okay. Anyway, they will divorce. No, no. You have a simple wedding, but you give them psychological training, couple training, "kedushah" training, character work, and preparation for the other's character. Invest. You want money? You've thrown money away. Go, go, go. Understand or not? That's important. But the guys, I've seen the world record. They got married on Thursday in Marrakech and divorced in Marseille on Monday. I can tell you that a wedding for 500 people in Marrakech, by privatizing a hotel, didn't cost €20,000. The wedding is called "zeravatala," which means waste of seed, waste of money. "Toftofa chauani." But again, to reach such a level of superficiality, one must be super, super, super superficial oneself. So when the Torah tells you, seek values, seek the interiority of things, seek meaning, seek spirituality, seek the "mitzvah," seek simplicity, in truth, you save your life. That's what people don't understand. You save your life, you save your family. Then you say, "Yes, but I understand. The kids, it's a shame. They didn't see this. They didn't see China." Ah, well, it's okay. They'll see a video. While you took them to Dubai, that's good. Then they come to you and say, "Dad, the hotel is rotten. Then the house is useless. Then they tell me, 'I have to study to pay for a certain standard.'" One time I was at a guy's place, he had a rotten house. I felt sorry for him. If someone came with three friends, we'd paint it for him. He said, "No, I don't want to, because I don't want my children to spend half their lives maintaining the standard of the house they had when they were young." It's true. The guy earns €20,000. Yes, when you subtract rent, house, clothes, outings, vacations, and the house on the French Riviera, he has less than the minimum wage to live on, because everything goes to maintaining the standard, everything goes to showing off. Whereas if you give him the normal, because it's normal to live in a normal house, to eat every day, it's normal. But you give real values. Understood or not? My parents had nothing. Now, I can work all day, I can travel, I can do Paris, Lyon, Marseille, Nice, Milan, and London in a week. While the other one said, "Listen, I took a TGV trip, I'm tired, I need to recover." I get off the plane in Los Angeles, I start the class. Why? Because I'm a star? No, because when you saw your father 14 hours a day on a sewing machine, it's a pleasure to take a plane. Understand what I said earlier? Our parents taught us effort, values, the interiority of things. They taught us: never get angry. You're happy, you're not happy, you lost a billion. You say... My father, when he was in Paris, the first thing he did before looking for a house was to look for a synagogue. So people say, "You still have to eat." And the others, the opposite. He told me, "Listen, we were in Annemasse, we worked at the Post Office. Well, we were transferred to a village near Saint-Étienne. The six children all left with goyim." Then he told me, "What did I do to God?" I said, "I didn't understand. You told me you were transferred or you were deported?" So when you arrive and you see there's no school, there's no kosher food, there's no synagogue, you leave. Yes, but it's not good for my career. But your career will bury you. In your career, we'll build a tomb. In your career, did you understand or not? You have to know what's important in life. Now, again, to be able to react in this way, you must already have acquired the values. So you have the weight, you have the counterweight. When the event comes, it's obvious. But if you haven't built it, there's no weight, so Satan will... PAF! Hatred, resentment, nerves, stress, kosher, stupidity. There, I see people, you know, seriously.

I lost my father. I stopped observing Shabbat. I do it, no, it's not a big deal. Anyway, you weren't doing it before. You were doing it to please, and now you've stopped doing it because Satan told you to do it, so you were before, after, because people spent 20 years in the Gulag in Russia because they observed Shabbat, and you transgress Shabbat because in summer it's long. Your problem isn't Shabbat. Your problem is that you need to check if you are Jewish or not. Do you understand or not? Like people tell me, "You know, I cracked. I cheated on my wife." You know what you're going to do? He said, "What?" "If you really love her, you fight for her, you win her back, and then, do me a favor, marry her." No, you didn't understand. No, no, I understood. Marry her, because then you weren't married. You understood. No, because if you are married, how do you look? Besides, you're not married. Like a guy tells me, "Rabbi, my son has been missing for 3 days." I say, "What are you doing?" "Well, listen, we're at home, we're watching a movie." He says, "Well, listen, we've checked the hospitals, we've checked the friends, we can't find him." "Well, he'll come back when he comes back." But how can you be a parent? How can you sleep? "Well, what else? But it's not your cat you lost." Do you understand or not? So, in truth, it's not the fact that the child disappeared that is shocking. It's that the other person didn't take advantage of the 15 years they took care of the child to become parents. Because a parent cannot sleep. Now, when you are a parent once a year, it's normal that it doesn't affect you. Do you follow me or not? And when you are married only for certain types of interests, it's normal that it doesn't work. And when your friends are always interested, it's normal. And when you are in a logic of religion of give and take, and you only do what interests you, and you reject constraints, it's normal that you will crack. So, in truth, you didn't crack the day you had a shock. You cracked the day you decided that your religion was on the menu. I'll take what interests me, I'll remove what bothers me. You've already decided. It's like if you buy a car and you swear on your mother's head not to put gas in it, it will break down. You get married and say, "I will never compromise." But God says the basis of a couple is compromise and recognition. You say, "No, I won't compromise on the hard stuff." Well, you can calculate the date of the divorce. It's easy. Did you understand or not? It's that if you can analyze your present, you know your future. So why are people surprised? "I'm shocked. I couldn't believe it. I'm shocked." Do you find that normal? Rabbi, I say, "Well, tell me about your past, and I'll explain your present." "Yeah, but you're a bit categorical." Well, you can improve it. You can add decorations, flowers, but the foundation, the foundation. Yeah, you come to my house, you tell me there's no communication, no solidarity, no understanding, no kindness, no recognition, no subtlety, no acceptance of difference. No. I say, "You want to make peace in the home, but you have to get married first." Do you understand or not? You've set everything up so that Satan can manage your future. It won't work. "Yes, but maybe I was immature. Maybe I didn't have confidence." The lack of confidence, you had it before marriage. "No, the lack of confidence in God, you had it before marriage." So, in fact, you only followed the consequences of your previous shortcomings. It's like the mechanic says, "Listen, there's a strange noise." He puts gas in it, and he hears it. He tells you, "Listen, it's a shame. It's a Mercedes, it costs €103,000. It's a valve train problem. It's nothing. You fix it for €200, valve adjustment." You don't do it, you break the engine. The engine costs €60,000. "But you mechanics, you only think about making money." Okay, go ahead, man. He broke the car. He comes back. He'll say, "The car is dead. You need a new engine." "Of course, €70,000." "But you told me €200. €200 if you adjust the valves." Do you understand this? This is why when young couples come, even now, even during this Shabbat, "We got married 6 months ago." I say, "I'll give you a program. It's free." "Yeah, recognition, communication, investment. You listen to a class a week and you practice it all week." I'll never see them in consultation, those people, because they work. Did you understand or not? And life is the same. They say, "Yeah, I'm a bit weak right now. I'm not comfortable in my skin." "Personal reconstruction program." "Ah, I'm at the end of my rope." "Depression program." "Ah, I'm a very, very angry person." "Program." We make programs. Even you, if you have the opportunity, browse the internet. I made a site called jeemetravaille.com. Well, the truth is, Madonna was taken. So, it's the same. We make programs. People do their programs. They receive an email every week. We send them the video. They work on the lesson. Then we ask for updates. Everything is automatic. "It's a program." "No, you have to buy it." But you see, people have spent 3 years at €80 a week. The guy listens to them. He says, "See you next week." Nothing has happened. Or worse, he gives them medicine. It's affinity, but you still haven't solved your problem. But what's the secret? It's not the method. The secret is the opportunity to work. In fact, what you need to do is look for occupations, look for opportunities to work. You can do weightlifting with dumbbells, with barbells, with milk jugs. Just do sports. You can work on your character traits with your husband. You can work on your character traits with your children. Work on your character traits. You can improve your spirituality by doing Tikkun Olam, by praying for people. You say, "I can't." It's okay. We'll send you a sick child, and you'll find something to do. So, what do smart people do? They study. And what do others do? They take out loans. Some make an effort upfront. Some wait to be pressured. Did you understand or not? So, you see, in the end, all of this is a perpetual dynamic of work. Now, when you see the satisfaction you get from work, it makes you forget the effort you had to make to achieve it. Like when you see educated children, you forget all the nights, the sleepless nights, the crying, the prayers, the stress, the double efforts, the friends. You forget everything because you say, "Wow, they're doing well." That's why when, in the present, you project the future, the details pass by. But if you don't have a project, every detail becomes a mountain. Now, when you are caught in a dynamic in your couple, the daily details are nothing. When you are in an educational dynamic, the daily details are nothing. When you have an ideal in your life of Torah, of work, of anything, the daily details are nothing. Because the marathon is 42 kilometers. I can tell you there will be pain, there will be cramps, there will be discomforts. But you finish. It's a marathon. So no one can run for you. And if you yourself, during all 42 kilometers, are anxious about how many kilometers are left, you will stop at 4 kilometers. You will get cramps. I don't know. Well, not this year. Not this year. Like every year, you sign up for the gym, and after two weeks, you stop. Why? Because you have sore muscles. But where do sore muscles come from? Because you haven't exercised. That's what sore muscles are. When you don't exercise, you accumulate toxins in your muscles. Now, in the first weeks of exercise, you eliminate the toxins. Now, the elimination of toxins in the muscles hurts. Now, what do you do? You stop exercising because of the pain. But it's when you continue exercising that the pain will stop. Firstly, secondly, the fact of exercising is tiring, but on the other hand, the endorphins you develop through exercise give you the strength to exercise. So, in fact, effort gives strength. Okay? It's the same in a couple. You don't talk, you don't want to, you don't grow, you accumulate toxins. The day you say, "Okay, let's sign up for the gym, we'll talk, we'll evolve, we'll go together," there will be the sore muscles of what? Toxins from the efforts you haven't made. And what do you say? You say, "We'll stop making the effort because it hurts." So you don't make an effort, and then, after 20 years of marriage, you find yourself with the same arguments as the day after the wedding. You say, "I can't believe it. Nothing has evolved." But you haven't gone to the gym. Life is the same. You evolve your religion. You evolve your relationship with God. Maybe at the beginning you took it upon yourself. Then you said, "You're a bit discouraged." Then you talk to God every day. You know, there are doubts. There are doubts. I don't believe my mother. Every morning she talks to God before she knows. She doesn't even know that God exists, you see. So it's normal to talk to God. You are a woman, no? Do you understand or not? Now, I studied the Talmud, which speaks of prayer. The Nevi'im, which speaks of prayer. I wrote Gemara essays on prayer. I studied the texts on Kavanah. I studied the explanations of prayer. I learned concentration in prayer. I haven't reached the Kavanah of my mother, who doesn't know how to read. Do you understand what I'm saying or not? So, there are several paths to get there. And when you can't do it analytically, you'll do it intuitively. When you haven't done it with knowledge, you'll do it with your heart. When you haven't done it with studies, you'll do it by breaking your bad character traits. You will arrive. Don't be afraid. Yes, there are many paths. There are many partners for success. So I wish you all, my attached ones, because you have the effort. It's 10:30. What time did we start? 8:30. You've been enduring me for 2 hours. Fortunately, I had nothing in my head when I started, because if I had had something, we would have finished at dawn. Okay? In any case, know that I wish you all much success, much happiness, much joy, much peace. May you have the right words for your children, good physical and mental health. Today, we have to specify, to attend the joys of your children, your grandchildren, with your dear husbands. Yes, and your great-grandchildren, in good health, with an easy livelihood, and with serenity, so that God may allow you to welcome the Messiah with pride and look him in the eye without being ashamed of all these hours you spent at the beach. And I forgot. And God may allow you to reach the weight you dream of. Very important.