Transcription
OK OK, hello everyone, welcome back to my podcast with Zhi Fei. Zhi Fei, what are we talking about today? Today we're going to talk about, uh, do you like yourself? Hmm, yes. I think this is a very important topic. Hmm, hmm, okay. So I want to talk about this topic because yesterday I watched a video, and in this video, there was a person. He is now very, very rich, and a sentence he often says is that he really likes himself. And I thought, wow, that's great. Hmm, great. Yes, I remember I also know someone who always tells me, wow, I really like myself. Who is this person? Su Qing. Hahaha. Is it me? Hahaha. It's definitely you. Of course, it's you. So you've said it many times. Yes, I, I, I, I quite like myself. Hahaha. Hmm, okay. So I think everyone might have a slightly different understanding of liking themselves. Hmm, I think there are many, many different understandings of liking yourself. So maybe, uh, maybe the first thing I can think of is your appearance. Do you like your appearance or not? Right? Hmm, hmm, yes. How about you? How do you feel? Do you like your appearance? I think sometimes yes, sometimes no. I... Because before, I always thought, oh, you're great like this, you're beautiful, you're pretty. But in the last few years, it's been hard for me to have this feeling. Really? Because now I feel like many people will say, oh, you are the most beautiful. You are perfect. Well, I, I wouldn't say such things. I don't believe such things. I would say I'm average, but relatively pretty. Hahaha, yes, hahaha. So in my village, I'm still okay. Hahaha. Yes, and Zhi Fei knows, when I was little, in my village, many, many people said I was the most beautiful child. Oh my. Hahaha. I have to tell everyone, Su Qing is very humble in this video, but when she talks to us, she's like, wow, they think I'm the most beautiful child in the village. I'm the village beauty. Yes, I'm very pretty. Yes, hahaha. My mom, she doesn't understand either. My mom loves me very much. My mom says, oh, why does everyone think you're the most beautiful? There are so many beautiful children. Hahaha, yes. Oh, hmm. Yes, your mom, your mom loves you very much, and she expresses it, right? Hmm, yes, yes, yes. Yes. Do you think that has any impact on your feelings about yourself? Hmm, of course. I think a mother's love is very, very important. Hmm. From childhood to adulthood, I've known that my mother truly loves me very, very much. Yes, so I also love myself very much. Your mother makes you feel like you are good enough. You are already very good? Hmm, I, I am very good. Hahaha, yes. I'm both beautiful and smart. I have no flaws. Hahaha. Wait, in the next video, I'll talk about my flaws. Hahaha. Yes, no, very few. Hahaha, yes. Hahaha, yes. I think a mother's love is really important. A mother's love makes you feel like there's someone who will always, always love you, so you're not afraid of many, many things. Hmm, there's a very important point. If I find a bad boyfriend, he's not good, then I can think, I can go to my mom. I can call my mom and cry. Yes, so I don't need a bad boyfriend, a scumbag. I can go to my mom. Hmm, yes. So, you, I know many parents in China are a bit anxious. For example, if you don't have a boyfriend, many parents say, just find someone average to be with. You're not that great, so why look for someone so good? You might get old and still not find that person. Hmm, I guess, I guess your mom wouldn't say that. Hmm. What is she like? My mom thinks my boyfriend is just okay. Hehe, yes. Hehe. He didn't say, not good enough. Hmm. He didn't think, hmm, I'm just okay, so I'll find an average boyfriend. But he thinks my boyfriend is just okay. Hmm. Oh, yes, but, but my mom found me a boyfriend. Oh, very ugly, very ugly, very ugly. Hahaha. Eye-watering. Hahaha. So my mom thinks he's just okay. Maybe it's my mom's problem because she found me a boyfriend who is really, really ugly. Uh, hahaha. Why do you say he's ugly? Now I'm very curious. Because he's really ugly. Hahaha. Your mom thinks he's handsome. My mom probably didn't see the photo. She might think his family is very rich. Hmm. Okay. Yes. How about you? What do you think your mom would say to you? My mom, because you watched a podcast, you sent it to me to watch. Uh, it made me think. What my mom said to me when I was little was usually, you're not good enough, you need to be better. If you did well this time, you might not do well next time. You must keep going, keep being good. And if you think you're good, you can't say it. This is pride. In Chinese culture, we like humility. So I remember when I was little, I was a very confident person. I really liked everyone looking at me. I liked singing for everyone. But, uh, after many years, slowly I started to dislike it, or when I did things like this, no one would say, oh, you did well. Uh, the voices around me were usually, you can't do this. You can't say this. This is, this is my environment. I understand. I think where Zhi Fei lives and where I live are really different. I live in a rural area. In the countryside, I was a smart child. Hahaha. Yes. And Zhi Fei lives in a big city, in Shenzhen, and there are many smart children in Shenzhen, right? It's considered so, but if I was already that good child, they didn't want me to say it. They said you need to be humble. You can't say it. You can't. My teachers would also tell me, if I was very confident, my teachers, I don't remember. When I was little, I was very confident, so teachers and parents would say, you're too confident, you're too proud, don't say that. This is not allowed. Of course, as I grew up, I really found that there were many capable people around me. So later, I, I became who I am now. Oh, okay. My childhood was a bit different from Zhi Fei's. I was also very confident. I talked a lot, a lot, just like now. Yes. And many teachers thought I was very smart. And they said, this child is very smart. Hahaha. Really, I used to feel very embarrassed when I heard that because teachers often said, this child is really smart. She can go to the best universities in China, to Peking University. But at that time, I knew I couldn't. Hahaha, I'm not smart. Yes, I just talked a lot, a lot. So maybe, this is a bit different. If you hear from childhood to adulthood, you can't be too confident, you can't be too proud. But I heard from childhood to adulthood, you are very confident, so you are very smart. Hahaha. Okay, so I want to ask Su Qing, do you like yourself? What do you do to like yourself? Yes. I like myself. Hmm, uh, what did I do? I think most of the time, I think my feelings, my feelings are the most important. Hmm. Hmm, okay. For example, a very small thing. If I go to a restaurant with my friends, I will loudly say I don't like to eat that. Yes, hahaha. I really don't like it. Hahaha. Yes. And then, what I hope is that my friends will discuss with me, oh, I don't like that either, I don't like that either, I like this. How about this? Yes, we can discuss. But many people think, oh, I'm fine with anything. I'm fine with anything. So I become that troublesome person. Hahaha, yes. But I am Chinese. I really think what to eat is too important for me. So I always say, I don't want to eat burgers. I don't like going to coffee shops. Yes. So I think I really like myself. And I like myself. Uh, for example, I like my appearance. I think I'm quite pretty. Hahaha. Yes. And then, uh, the second is, because I like myself, I think my boyfriend should like me very much. Hahaha. I think they should like me very much. Hahaha. Yes. If they don't like me, well, I don't care now because I like myself very much. Hahaha. Yes. You really like being Su Qing, right? Yes, I, I like being myself. So if others don't like me, it won't make me think, oh, maybe I'm a bad person. I'll think they have a problem. Ah, yes. So you don't want everyone to like you. If this person is a bit strange, and you think, what did I do? Did I say something wrong? This is not you. Not at all. I really think most people are idiots now. I don't care. Hahaha. I just, I just want my good friends to like me. Yes. And, uh, if my good friends don't like me sometimes, I think it's okay. Hmm. And, and it's not necessary to be, hmm, always good. Uh, like. Yes, it's perfect. Uh, I used to tell my boyfriend, I said, I want to show my best friends my true self, and then my friends can decide if they like it or not. Yes, I don't want to only show my perfect self just to make you like me. That's too tiring. Hmm, yes. It's better to be your true self. Yes. If they choose to be your friend, it's because of you, not because of what you pretend to be. Yes, yes, yes. Sometimes, I might like to talk about topics that make others uncomfortable. I like to argue. Argue. Yes, I know. Yes, I have experience. Hmm. And my boyfriend doesn't understand. For example, if some friends come to my house for the first time, I will ask a question that makes him very uncomfortable. Hahaha. My boyfriend says, don't you see his face looks very uncomfortable? I said, no. Yes. And my boyfriend says, why are you asking this when he's visiting for the first time? He might be scared and not come again. I said, if he doesn't come, okay, he doesn't come, I don't care. Hahaha. Wow, so you are very comfortable. Your life is very comfortable. Most of the time, yes. Is it impossible to be comfortable all the time? Most of the time, it's very comfortable. Hmm. Yes, because in Chinese, we have a relatively new word called "nei hao" (内耗), which means you have a lot of internal conflict with yourself. You think, is it because of this? No, no, no, it's not this. So you argue with yourself, and you don't do anything, and you're tired. That kind of thing is called "nei hao." I find that sometimes I also have "nei hao." Thinking things through, what to do? I think Su Qing is someone with less "nei hao." Do you think you are like that? Yes, I don't care about most people. Okay, yes, yes, yes. If I make Zhi Fei angry, I will have a little "nei hao." I'll think, ah, I, I talked too much, I said the wrong thing, ah, yes, sorry. But I will apologize to Zhi Fei immediately. So, I often apologize to Zhi Fei. Hahaha. Last time, Su Qing said something. I've forgotten what it was. Yes. And I thought, Su Qing is annoying. I thought about it. After ten minutes, I thought, Su Qing is just like that. It's okay. I'm already doing something else. Su Qing apologized to me. Apologized for a long time. Hahaha, yes, yes, yes. I think sometimes, I think it's the people I care about that I want to, hmm, clarify. Yes. If I apologize, and you understand, and I think I've clarified, and Zhi Fei says, hmm, I can't forgive you. Then I think there's nothing I can do. I've tried. Hahaha. Goodbye. Hahaha. Yes. You know, I often think, okay, Zhi Fei might not want to be my friend anymore. What can I do? Hahaha. Do you really think about it often? Yes. I really often think, if, if, I think, I really have no better way. I don't know what else I can do. And I think, okay, the worst-case scenario, the worst situation is that Zhi Fei doesn't want to be my friend. Then I think, but I've tried. I have no other way. Yes, yes. That's good. Hmm. I say, it's okay, I forgive you. Otherwise, we wouldn't have this podcast today. Yes. We wouldn't be friends anymore. Yes. Yes. Yes. I want to ask you. I think many people's situations are not like yours. Many people have "nei hao." They think, does he like me? Did I do something wrong? Am I not good? Do I need to do more? What do you think they can do to be more relaxed? It's very simple. There are two points. One point is that you are not that important. You think, does he like me or not? No one is thinking about you. Hmm. And the second point is that others are not that important. You have your life, and they have their lives. So you spend a lot of time thinking about relationships that are not important. Many people are not important. Your friends, your good friends, your boyfriends and girlfriends, your family are important. Sometimes, even they are not important. Hahaha. Sometimes, even your family is not important. But many people spend a lot of time thinking, oh, my relationship with my colleagues, my relationship with my boss, my relationship with, uh, strangers. It's not important. Yes. Su Qing is very wise. So we can say, Su Qing is a wise woman. A little bit, both beautiful and wise. Hahaha. I remember, last time, uh, I had a problem. I told you. That was a big problem for me. Yes. And, oh, I remember I told you, I don't want to take classes anymore. I've taken many classes. I want to try something else. Su Qing told me, you are not that important. The world doesn't need you as a Chinese teacher. Hahaha. Do what you want. Hahaha. At that moment, my heart felt like, ah, like a knife, cut. Yes. But that helped me. Really. Because that really helped me. Yes, because my problem, I thought it was very, very big. I thought everyone in the world needed me. But I'm really not that important. I don't need to do things that make me unhappy because they need me to do so. Because my students want me to be happy. So if I can be happy, if I can take care of myself, then I'm doing well. Yes. So, yes, I think thinking like you is very useful. It's like, we are really not that important. Not that important. If you don't want to do it, it means that job is not the most suitable for you. There are more suitable people. And I think it's very interesting that you thought about your students wanting you to be happy. I don't care. My students want me to be happy. I want to be happy. Hahaha. Yes. If your students want you to be unhappy, then you will be unhappy? Hmm. It seems like I haven't thought that much, but I haven't thought about this issue. Yes. Why is it that others want you to be happy, and then you are happy? You can say, I want to be happy. Whether others want me to be happy or not is not important. Yes. So I say, Su Qing, this ability of yours is very good. I can tell you a story about why I am like this. When I was in college, sometimes I would post happy things on WeChat. We say posting on Moments, you post some photos for others to see. You are very happy. But I don't want my parents to see. Hmm. Because I felt that if I was happy, there was a problem. It was not good. So maybe the environments we live in are different. When I was little, in my life, my parents magnified many problems. They liked to say, this is not good, my life is very bad. I have to listen. But I was a happy child. Or there would be happy things in my life, but my parents would say, how can you be so happy? I had that feeling. Uh, so now, I'm still working hard to learn how to be happy. It's like, I want to be happy. So I'm happy. I'm still growing. Hmm. Hmm. I have a similar story. When I was little, one day I was very happy, and I was walking and jumping. And my dad said, what's there to be happy about? Why are you jumping? Hahaha. Yes. Hahaha. Yes. And then I thought my dad was very strange. When I was very young, maybe I would hear that and immediately stop because Dad said so. So maybe I thought I shouldn't be happy. We have nothing to be happy about. Our lives are difficult, very hard. But thinking about it now, you'll think he's talking nonsense. Nonsense, dog shit. Dog shit, poop. Yes. Now I think happiness is a skill. If you can take care of yourself and be happy every day, or if there are many things in your life, you choose to be happy. I think that's great. Yes. Okay, so Zhi Fei, today, do you like yourself? Today, me? This question is difficult. I think I have many strengths. Uh, for example, beauty. Hahaha. That's a joke. Because now I don't think I'm very beautiful. Uh, but it's not because I'm not beautiful, it's some of my thoughts. Oh, this is my brain. Yes. Yes. Because if I see a girl, uh, she's a bit overweight, for example, I think it's nothing. If she smiles at me, I think, you are so beautiful. But I'm not like that towards myself. Oh, I understand. I, I, if you ask me now, do you like yourself? I, I might need to think about it before I answer. It's okay. Oh, I, of course, I can use other words. I think I have many strengths. I, I appreciate myself. I, I've been very happy recently. But maybe I don't have this habit. Like Su Qing, I really like myself. You are so cute. I don't seem to have this habit. Yes. Hahaha. Yes. But I think it's great. Yes, yes. Liking yourself is a difficult thing. I think it's a difficult thing. Because in Chinese culture, you can't be proud, you can't be too confident, you can't run and jump. Yes. Hahaha. So annoying. Yes. But I think, I think it's something everyone should do. Everyone should learn. Yes. Yes. Okay, so I hope next time, when I ask Zhi Fei, Zhi Fei, today, do you like yourself? I hope next time I hear Zhi Fei quickly say, I super like myself. Yes. Uh, everyone, give me some time. Yes. Next time you see me, I'll be a different Zhi Fei. Yes. Okay. All right. So that's all for today. We'll see you in the next podcast. Okay. See you next time. Bye-bye. Bye-bye.