Transcription
You just thought of somebody. Somebody just jumped up in your mind. Mm. And if you didn't, somebody was thinking of you.
As we seek to give honor to and recognize the gift of fathers on this Sunday, um, I stand before you as a father with something that the Lord has been pressing on my spirit about fatherhood. And I pray it would be a blessing to not only the dads in this place and the father figures, but even, even to all parents who gather. It's a conversation I want to have with the men, and pray that as the sisters ease drop, you gain something out of it as well.
Um, on this Father's Day, I want you to share with me, um, a message about fathering that comes to us from the book of 2 Samuel in the Old Testament. In 2 Samuel, I want to invite you to journey to the 18th chapter, the concluding verse of chapter 18, and sharing a reading that launches us into the 19th chapter as well. 2 Samuel 18, beginning in verse 33. And when you found that, if you're physically able, won't you join with us as we stand to reverence the reading of God's word from 2 Samuel chapter 18, beginning in verse number 33.
There's a word from the Lord that I want to read in your hearing from the New King James version that begins as follows: "Then the king was deeply moved, and went up to the chamber over the gate and wept. And as he went, he said, 'Thus, oh my son Absalom, my son, my son Absalom! If only I had died in your place, oh Absalom, my son, my son!' And Joab was told, 'Behold, the king is weeping and mourning for Absalom.' So the victory that day was turned into mourning for all the people, for the people heard it said on that day, 'The king is grieved for his son.' And the people stole back into the city that day as people who are ashamed steal away when they flee in battle. But the king covered his face. The king cried out with a loud voice, 'Oh my son Absalom, oh Absalom, my son, my son!'"
As you're meditating on that brief reading of scripture, and we'll lay it in context today, I want to talk and teach about a bad dad. You may be seated in the presence of the Lord.
If we were to take a pop quiz and survey in the congregation today and ask everyone to list the top five greatest men of the Bible, I'm pretty sure there would be some common answers among all of us. If you asked to think about five men of the Bible who really speak volumes to our lives, I'm pretty certain some of us would come up with the same answers. I pray that the top of your list would be Jesus. If Jesus is not at the top of the list, I need you to see me after church. Then there'd be some brothers we could agree on: Moses, Noah, Joshua, Peter. But no list of great men in the Bible is complete without the name David. If anybody who's ever read scripture or history knows that there are few men in the history of humanity who can compare or compete with Israel's greatest king. Y'all, there really is nobody like David.
David is defined by God as being a man after his own heart. David is the one who brings victory over Goliath when he's yet a little boy in the valley. David will lead the children of Israel in battle against and conquer their dreaded foes, the Philistines. David would reclaim the Ark of the Covenant from Kirjath-jearim and bring it all the way back to Jerusalem. David is the one who would lay out the vision for the temple that his son Solomon would build. David was the one who praised God so mightily that his clothes fell off. He said, "I'll be even more undignified than this." Y'all, there really is nobody in the annals of Israelite history who compares with a brother like David. Even to this day, the star on the flag of Israel is the Star of David. Jerusalem is called the holy city of David, and Jesus is known as the Son of David. Nobody like David.
David was such a bad mama jama that when David put pen to paper, David would write a song that was guaranteed to be top 10 on the gospel charts. Those that know, David wrote many of the Psalms. It was David who said, "The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear?" It was David who wrote the words to that song, "I will bless the Lord at all times; His praises shall continually be in my mouth." It was David who put down on pin the paper and said, "The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want." In case you don't remember, it was David who said, "Bless the Lord, O my soul, and all that is within me, bless His holy name." David was one who knew how to praise God and worship God. There was nobody like David.
Kevin, the amazing thing is though, for all of David's achievements and his accolades, for all of his fame and his wealth, his work and his worship, there were many things David was good at. David was good at praising. David was good at leading military battle. David was good at laying out architectural plans for the worship house. But the one thing you may be surprised to know that David was not good at was raising his children. David, beloved, is an example of a bad dad. And we've got to make note of that and examine it, because if we don't highlight David's failure as a father, then we allow his story to highlight and glorify him for achievements and accolades while ignoring his failure to raise his children properly. And that is a word that must be preached in this day and age, because the measure of a man cannot be limited to how much he earns and what title he achieves and what rank he ascends to. But in essence, the real measure of a man must be predicated upon how he's actively involved in the life of his children. Brother, it matters not what salary you get. It matters not what zip code you live in. It matters not how many people know your name. At the end of the day, what truly measures a man's success is how he has invested and influenced the lives of his children. Can I preach this morning?
Don't, don't, don't show me a million-dollar athlete with a wicked jump shot and expect me to clap if he's not involved in the life of his children. Don't show me a man who's climbing up the corporate ladder and makes six or seven-figure salary, but can never say no to his job so he can say yes to his children and expect me to emulate him. Don't show me a man who all the women fall over and he's on screen and on theater, but he won't pay child support. That, brothers, is what really measures us. It's how we sow into the lives of our children. And you will find that there's no achievement you can have professionally that will hide the fact that you were a bad dad. If you don't believe me, hang out with David for a little bit.
I want you to read 2 Samuel chapter 13-9 when you get home. When you get home, and you read those chapters, you're going to find it really is, it's the unsung story of David. For those who watch TV, one, it's the story behind the glitz and the glamour. The story goes a little something like this. I won't give it all away, I want you to read it when you get home. David, like many kings and many men of authority in his day, had children by different wives and concubines. They were all half-siblings. From one woman, he has a son named Amnon. From another woman, he has a son named Absalom. And Absalom has a beautiful sister named Tamar. Amnon develops an ungodly lust for his half-sister Tamar. He beguiles her and deceives her, brings her into his house, forces himself upon her, and rapes his sister. When Absalom finds out that Amnon has raped his full sister, he makes up in his mind he's going to kill his own brother. Sure enough, Absalom does kill Amnon. As a result, he is exiled from Jerusalem and estranged from his father, David.
Almost 10 years go by without David having substantive conversation with Absalom. And in that time period, Absalom becomes bitter with David and frustrated that his father won't speak to him. And he becomes so frustrated and bitter that he allows himself to be deceived by a group of people around him who tell him, "Absalom, you should be king and not David." Absalom takes it to heart. He gathers an army together and he leads a coup against his own father. He rises up in military mutiny against David and forces David to leave his own throne in Jerusalem. David is hiding out in the wilderness. And brother Henry, he finds out that now Absalom has a hit out on him. His own son wants to kill him. It leads to a civil war in Israel between the followers of David and the followers of Absalom. And in that civil war, 20,000 Israelites are left dead in a conflict between a father and a son. And of those 20,000 that are killed, one of them is David's son, Absalom.
And at the end of chapter 18, beginning in chapter 19, you find a broken and a bereaved David who is mourning and crying over the fact that his son is now dead. And in that moment, David realizes what too many men recognize too late in life. And that is, David realizes that everything I've achieved as a king, all the money I've made, the name I've made for myself, the authority I have, none of that replaces the fact that I failed to raise my child correctly. For there's no professional achievement, no degree on the wall, no, no G.R. rating that you can have in life that can cover the fact that you have not done what God has called you to do and invest in the lives of your children. You are not made a man by what you earn, but rather the truest report and reflection of my life is seen in my children. Go preach, Pastor.
So in that moment, David is doing what any parent would do. He's wondering, "How did this happen? How did I raise a son who would rape his own sister? Where did I go wrong that I got two boys that hated each other so badly, one of them killed the other? Where did I drop the ball that I raised a boy in my house who led a mutiny against my kingdom, who cast me out of my throne room, and who put a hit out on my life? Where did I become a bad dad?" It's worthy of examining. And when you go home and read chapter 13-8, you're going to find there are at least four reasons why, why David was a bad dad. I'm going to give you all four, then I want you to meditate on them and put them into play as you go back to parent your children.
The first thing I think that makes David a bad dad is that David allowed a problem to become persistent. David knows there's a problem in his family, and he won't address it. David knows something is going on in his household, and he doesn't say anything about it. The Bible says in chapter 13, when he recognizes that his daughter Tamar has been raped, the Bible says that David is angry about it, but he never says anything about it. He never went to Amnon and said, "What you did was wrong." He never brought Tamar in and put his arms around her to comfort her after she had been raped. He never went to Absalom to give him wisdom on what to do, realizing that Absalom now wants to kill his own brother. He never sat his family down to address what he knew was tearing his family apart. And David's avoidance and David's silence is what made him a bad father, because part of what it means to be a parent, part of what it means to be a dad, is that you address the stuff that you know is brewing in your family to stop it before it destroys your household. There's some stuff you just got to deal with. And David decided he would say nothing. He just let them figure it out all by themselves. He left them to their own ways.
And beloved, one of the very worst things you can do as a parent is leave your child to their own ways, to let them be what they want to be and do what they want to do. Let me tell you why that's a real word, and let me tell you why some folks just got quiet in the sanctuary, because we are this new generation of parents, and we like to parent with hands off. We've become a generation that, that won't address our children's issues, won't correct them when they're wrong, won't discipline them when they go outside of the right way. When our children act up, we blame the teacher and blame the principal and say that they are the problem, and not recognize that we are called to train up our children. Go, go preach, Pastor.
Listen, I'm not telling you how to raise your children, but the Bible says we're obligated to train them, to discipline and correct them. And so many people today, they are so set on giving their children what they never had, that they don't give their children what they did have. Can I say that again? You're so set on giving them material possessions and financial security that you failed to give them what you did have. Listen, Mama may not have had a lot of money, but Mama set you straight, and Daddy made you stand up, and your parents disciplined you, and your parents corrected you, because they knew that's what you needed most. Now, listen, listen, I'm not saying that we ought to beat our children. I am not a believer in corporal punishment. Some of what our parents did to us was illegal and [Applause] ungodly. It's not nice to beat your child with a Daniel Green house slipper. Mama, I'm still in therapy. The Bible says we've got to train them. And what the Bible says, when the Bible says "train up a child," it literally means get them ready for the world they're going to live in. And some of us in our homes are raising our children in a home that doesn't match the world they're going to live in. Can I preach right here? It's not in your child's best interest for them to have everything they want. Your child has to learn to deal with a "no" because in the real world, they're not going to get everything they want. It's not in your child's best interest not to learn to control their emotions and their mouth, because if you run off at the wrong person, you're going to be lying dead in the street. And you got to know how to sit down and shut up. You, you better teach your children to respect authority figures, respect teachers, respect administrators, because if you don't teach them, the police will. And we've seen how that plays out. But we become a generation that doesn't like to discipline and correct. We give them everything they want. Your child does not need an iPhone at three years old. Really, really.
I figured out, Judy, one of the reasons it's hard to discipline and correct children is, number one, because many of us won't be honest with ourselves about our children. I, I don't know how to say this, please, please don't get mad, I'm just, your child doesn't walk on water. Your child isn't always right. We want to beat up the teacher and the administrator because we don't believe that our child could be the one that did something like that. Y'all, I was raised old school. Let me tell you, old school. I was raised. I remember one day I was outside and I was doing something I shouldn't have been doing. Don't ask. And, and my neighbor, Miss Williams, told my mother what I was doing right. And my mother had given Miss Williams permission to discipline me. And then when I got home, my mother wanted to discipline me, and I, and I said that that wasn't true. And I got to spank him for calling Miss Williams a liar, right? Because my mother knew I could have some rascal in me. I've got a picture frame upstairs that Deuce's picture when he was a baby. It's a beautiful picture frame, it's a beautiful picture of a beautiful baby, but the frame says, "90% Angel, 10% Other." As cute and as cuddly as he was, he had some other. And one of the things you got to recognize as a parent is that your child has some other. I guarantee you your child has some other, because you do, right? And to discipline and correct, you've got to be prepared to be disliked. Listen, Dad, being a parent ain't always fun. It's not always cards and trophies and games. There's some moments you got to sit down and do some things with your children that they won't like. And you're not really prepared to parent if you're not ready to have a child look you in the eye and say they don't like you, and your response being, "I don't care." My dad told us all the time, "I'm not here to be your friend, I'm your father, and you ain't got to like me. Your friends go to school."
David's problem was that he wouldn't address what he knew was tearing his house apart. Can I give you David's second problem? He wasn't present as a parent. David, David never showed up where he should have shown up. When you read chapter 13 through 18, here's what you're going to find out: there are many instances when David could have made his presence known, and it would have stopped what was happening, but he never showed up. When his daughter was raped, he never went to see her. Absalom calls a dinner with his brother Amnon, and he knows he wants to kill him, and he begs his father to come to the dinner, and David won't show up. If David had come to the dinner, Absalom wouldn't have killed Amnon. If David had come to the dinner, Absalom would never have been estranged. If David had come to the dinner, Absalom would never have hated his father. If David had come to the dinner, Absalom would not have led a mutiny against him. If David had come to the dinner, Absalom would never have been killed on the battlefield. All of it started with the fact that David would not show up.
Beloved, I come out to tell you that the greatest thing a parent can do, the greatest thing a dad can do, is show up. No, parenting isn't easy. And no, there's no formula that works for every child. And yes, you're going to go through some ups and some downs. But the one thing I promise you always makes a difference in the life of a child is when they have a father who they know will show up. Not, it's not against Mama, praise God, you're always there. But there is something about knowing that Dad's going to show up. Ask the school teacher, they treat children different when they know Daddy will show up on campus and have a meeting. They treat them differently. All you got to do is show up. Something about showing up makes a difference.
I remember, um, the year was 1990. I'm graduating from high school, and we had a tradition at our school called Senior Night. Senior Night, Jana, is when, um, the seniors would go to the school and we'd spend all night in the school with no chaperon and no parents. It, it was the night seniors were waiting for. We get a night at school all by ourselves, no parents and no teachers and no chaperons. Virginia, you can imagine what goes on at Senior Night when you leave some 18-year-olds to have a night by themselves. A lot of things happen. Uh, it was known as the night that people would bring, um, um, uh, thirst-quenching beverages, and it, it was the night that you got to quench your thirst in case you got a little parched. And so, I, I was excited about Senior Night. I've been waiting four years to get to Senior Night. No teachers, no chaperons, and no parents. I told my parents, "I'm going to Senior Night. I'll see y'all later." I'm excited to get to school to have a night with my friends, and I have some beverages to quench my thirst. And there we are, Alexander. We're on campus. And sure enough, folks brought some thirst-quenching beverages, and I was getting ready to quench my thirst. And my friend Chris Gardner tapped me on the shoulder. He said, "Hey, man, ain't that your daddy back over there?" I'm not joking. My dad had come out to the campus, was in the park in the back of the school, and was standing behind a tree looking at me. I look back at him, he looked back at me, and I wasn't thirsty no more. [Applause] I found out if I know Dad is going to show up, it changes some things. And Dad, that's not always easy, but it's a reminder that the greatest present you can give a child is your presence.
Tell you a quick story. My son, my youngest son, Cooper, started running track recently. And the trouble with track is that they rehearse and practice on Sundays at 9:00. And I knew that interfered with my work schedule. I go to work on Sundays. And what many of you don't know is that for the last few seasons, and some Sundays after the 7:15 is over, I've left church, driven all the way to the track just for rehearsal, to be there for him to see me, to know that I support him, and then hustle back here to be able to preach for the 10 o'clock service. And it may not mean a lot to anyone, but to him, for him to know that my dad shows up for practice. We ain't talking about a game, we're talking about practice, because there's something about showing up that makes a difference for your children. That's where David dropped the ball. He let a problem persist. He wasn't present as a parent.
Number three, David allowed his pride to interfere with his parenting. Almost 10 years go by, and David won't talk to his son. What could cause a dad to be estranged from his son for 10 years? There's only one answer: pride. His pride about being a king prevented him from talking to his son. I want to drop this especially on men today: pride and parenting don't go well together. That if you're going to be a successful parent, you're going to have to get rid of your pride and do some things that you're not proud of. "I won't be proud if he drops out of school, but I've got to be there because he's my child. I won't be proud if I got to bail him out, but that's what I'm going to do because he's my son. I won't be proud if he catches a C-face and I got to sit in Fairfax County and watch what goes down, but I'll be there because he's my child. I may not be proud of whom he chooses to love and walk down an aisle with, but I'm going to be there because that's my child." And pride and parenting don't go hand in hand, especially with men, because pride keeps many dads from saying the things children need to hear.
Let me talk real quick, real quick. There are four things every child needs to hear from their father. That, brothers, if you don't get rid of your pride, you won't say. Four things every child needs to hear from their dad. Can I give them to you? Number one: Every child needs to hear a father say, "I forgive you." It is so important for children to know that if they make a mistake, they will be forgiven. Yeah, that we don't hold our children to standards of perfection, to recognize how, no matter how young or how old they may be, if you make a mistake, I will forgive you. That's what the prodigal son learns when he comes home after wasting all of his father's money. He finds a dad who's standing there with arms open, as if to say, "Son, I forgive you. You may not be perfect. You haven't lived the way I wanted you to live. You didn't do what I wanted you to do. You got strung out, you wasted my money, but I forgive you." One of the greatest gifts you can give a child is to know that they can be forgiven.
The second thing a child needs to hear from his father is not only "I forgive you," but a child needs to hear, "You say, 'I'm sorry.'" One of the greatest life skills you can give a child is the ability to apologize. Recognize they don't always do things right. They don't have to. And when you've done something wrong, it does not break your character and your strength as a man or a woman to say, "I'm sorry." Do you know how many folks ruin relationships because they can't say, "I'm sorry"?
You just thought of somebody. Somebody just jumped up in your mind. Mhm. And if you didn't, somebody was thinking of you. [Applause] People don't know how to say, "I'm sorry." And fathers, that's not just something we teach our children, that's something we model to our children. That we show them the humility we have to look them in the eye and acknowledge when we've made a mistake. "I forgive you." "I'm sorry." You know what else a child needs to hear from their father? "I'm proud of you." You can't go wrong encouraging your child by telling them you're proud of them. I know this is right because when God sent his son Jesus to die on the cross, and knew that it would be a tough assignment for him, in order to encourage him, God shows up at his baptism. And when he's brought up out of the water, the Lord whispers out, "This is my son, in whom I am well pleased." Can you imagine what it does to Jesus to hear his father say, "I'm proud of you"? You, and every child, especially every boy, lives to hear his father say, "I'm proud of you." "I forgive you." "I'm sorry." And finally, "I love you." Brothers, Mama says it easily all the time, but it's something about a dad looking his child in the face and saying, "I love you," that makes such a difference. You know what's amazing about David and Absalom? Absalom never called David father, he called him king. What a shame for a son to refer to his father by his title. I don't want my sons to call me pastor, I want them to call me dad. And the only time David ever called Absalom's son was at his funeral. It's too late when he's dead. He needs to know you love him every day. And there's nothing more powerful than a father who can look his children in the eye and tell them every day, "I love you. I love you. I love you."
This is getting deep. Let's, let's, all right. So because I'm getting all emotional on everything, [Applause] you know, try, I'm trying to find a joke to tell. Look at him up there crying. I see you. Look at you crying up there. Woo! We all right. All right. So bad dads let a problem persist. They don't show up. They let pride interfere. Here's the fourth problem with David that's real: David did not pass on his passion for the Lord. The one thing you know about David is that he loved the Lord. You don't write all those Psalms and not love the Lord. You don't, don't dance until your clothes fall off and you don't love the Lord. You don't encourage others to make a joyful noise and you don't love the Lord. The one thing we know about David is that he had a heart for God. He worshiped God, he praised God, he pursued after God, he served God, he loved God. David was a man after God's heart. And here's the tragedy: nowhere in scripture do we see his children worshiping. Here's a man who loved the Lord, but didn't pass it on to his children. A man who worshiped God, but didn't raise his children to worship. A man who said he trusted God, and didn't raise his children to trust him. And fathers, we fail when we don't pass our passions on to our children.
Now, now, here is Judy, what separates fathers and mothers. Mothers don't necessarily pass on passion, they want to pass on character. So you don't mind if Samantha doesn't want to study Hebrew, that doesn't bother you. That, that you could care less. You do want her to be laughable, you want to have a free spirit, you want her to be flexible, you want her to be a good Christian. You don't care if she goes to Princeton or Yale, you send her to Stanford. That's, you know, Kevin might, but you know, you're just kind of, you know, because mothers want to pass on character. But dads, we want to pass on passion. I want my boys to like what I like. I want them to do what I do. You know why Deuce plays basketball? Because I played basketball, and I want to see my son do what I did. Everybody always asks me, "Pastor, why do you cheer for the Cowboys?" Because my dad cheered for the Cowboys, and my dad had enough good sense to raise his children to cheer for a good football team. There was nobody cheering for nothing other than Cowboys in my dad's house. And the reason my sons cheer for the Cowboys is because I'm passing on my passion to them. If you ask Deuce, my oldest son, right now, where he's going to college, ain't but one answer coming out of his mouth: Duke University. That is right. He knows that's the only institution where God has put his hand on this earth. You ask my son what he's going to pledge when he goes to college, his answer is Kappa Alpha Psi Fraternity Incorporated, or I'm going to kill him. [Applause] Because as Dad, we pass down passion. And what a shame to pass down passion for a football team, passion for your alma mater, passion for your fraternity, and not pass on a passion for the Lord.
Listen, I, I want him to cheer for the Cowboys, but beyond that, I want him to know that if you trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not to your own understandings, but in all your ways acknowledge Him, He will direct your path. I want him to go to Duke, but if he goes to Morehouse, at least he ought to know that God is working all things together for your good. I want him to be a Kappa, but if he goes Omega or Alpha, [Applause] he, he, he, I can't even finish that one. I'm [Music] sorry. If he goes Omega or Alpha, I simply pray for the blood of Jesus, Jesus to to cover his [Applause] sins. When you see a generation of young people that are irreverent and don't have a fire for the Lord, don't judge them, judge the parents that failed to pass on a passion to them. If you want prayer to mean something in the life of your child, let them see you pray. If you want your children to love the word of God, read it to them. If you want your child to love church and see it as a vital part of their life, don't just drop them off, come and worship. Pass on your passions.