Transcription
Some people think that social skills are something that you're born with, but I'm here to tell you that this isn't true. With the right advice and enough effort, anyone can master social skills and transform their life.
In today's world, texting and social media are major forms of communication, and while they do make communication easier, nothing will completely replace face-to-face contact. It doesn't matter if you're shy, introverted, or just plain suck at socializing; what you're about to learn will serve as the foundation for social success, and these simple tips will help you to master this vital skill.
If you're someone who feels anxious around strangers or attractive girls, you're not alone. We feel this way when we don't trust our abilities. The anxiety that you experience before and during social interactions with other people is really just your brain sending you a message. It doesn't mean that there is something wrong with you; it just means that you need to talk to people more. With that said, let's jump right into it.
Tip number one: Don't put the cart before the horse. Most people put the cart before the horse and get into the cycle of thinking that they're not good at socializing, so they never actually do it. The most effective way to get started is to stop thinking like this and to realize that you'll never get better at something if you don't try.
Tip number two: Make mistakes and learn from them. All of the most successful people in the world didn't start out as masters of their craft; they had to fail. Developing and mastering social skills is really just a game of trial and error. Start by approaching strangers, even if you're scared, and talk to them. Some people have almost zero connections between the neurons and their brain when it comes to socializing with new people. Maybe you have no problem talking to people who you're really close to, but you freeze up when talking to someone new. Everyone had to start from square one. You should know from the start that your first few interactions will probably suck, and you might even look like a weirdo, but you will improve quickly. It also helps to know that there is something in psychology called the spotlight effect, which causes us to believe that we're being noticed much more than we really are. Basically, this means that we put way more weight on things that we do wrong than other people do. According to research, we tend to believe that our mistakes are two to three times more noticeable than they really are, which means that when you fail in the eyes of the other person, you don't look nearly as bad as you would have you believe. Each time that you try to socialize with someone new and fail, take a minute to reflect on what happened and why it might have gone wrong, and then use that to improve the next interaction.
Tip number three: Kick your fear to the curb. A lot of shy and introverted people never actually get a chance to learn from their mistakes because, as Greg Plitt used to say, they never went to the arena. The two major fears that stop people from doing what they need to do to master social skills are fear of failure and fear of rejection. As humans, we instinctively want to fit in and get approval from others, so getting rejected by someone sucks. Fortunately, there is an easy way to completely eliminate both of these fears. The fear of rejection is caused by a false belief that everyone must accept you, and this simply isn't true. In fact, you would be insane to believe that everyone will accept you. In the real world, most people will probably reject you for their own unique reasons. Maybe one guy that you talked to just got fired and isn't in the mood to talk; maybe the girl that you just approached for a casual conversation just got a call from her boyfriend saying that they should split up. You'll probably never know the real reason why they rejected you, and the good news is that you don't need to. All that you need to focus on is doing whatever is in your control to improve your skills for the next interaction.
Tip number four: Choose the right targets. When trying to develop their social skills, so many people make the mistake of thinking that they need to just go crazy and approach every person they come across as quickly as possible. Yes, rejection hurts, so why expose yourself to more rejections than you need to? When you first start your journey to mastering your social skills, you're going to be extra sensitive to rejection. If you're really shy or introverted, or you have some insecurities that you need to work on, you'll be even more sensitive. So how can we avoid rejection and increase our success? The answer is choose your targets carefully. By starting with people who are sending the right signals and body language, you can increase your number of successful interactions, and the success will build on itself and convince your subconscious mind that you really do have what it takes to become a master of social interactions. All that you have to do is look for people to approach who are showing positive body language signals, such as being in a cheery mood or having a smile on their face. Avoid approaching people who are displaying defensive body language, such as having their arms crossed. The goal is to look for people who look like an easy win.
Now let's move on to one of the most important parts of social mastery, which is the approach. The biggest mistake that so many people make, which can ruin the entire interaction before it even starts, is approaching in the wrong way. Consider basic human psychology: All humans want approval. This need is hardwired into our psychology. By approaching someone in a way that shows you're interested in them, they will feel more comfortable around you. The main mistakes that you want to avoid during the approach are displaying signs of being uneasy or anxious, frowning, acting disinterested, or being too assertive to compensate for feeling scared. A lot of people make the approach while acting arrogant or overly assertive, which is a great way to scare people away. For the best results, you should make the approach with a confident, relaxed vibe, and you should smile while initiating the conversation.
Let's move on to some simple but powerful conversation tips for shy and introverted people. Some people are hard-wired to naturally be more shy, timid, or introverted than others, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with this. You can't change the fundamental structure of who you are, but there's always something you can improve on. The main reason why people who are shy have trouble socializing with others is because they focus more on themselves than on the other person during interactions. The truth is that if you consider yourself to be shy, you'll need to figure out the root cause, such as low self-esteem, and attack the insecurities head-on with no mercy. Every insecurity you have needs to be hunted relentlessly and eliminated. Insecurities such as low self-esteem are like a wild horse: At first, it will buck and kick and try to throw you off, and if it's really bad, it might even try to stomp on you, but eventually the horse is broken and the insecurity is gone. A shy person is notorious for not talking around others, and since all humans have a need for approval and reassurance, not talking around someone actually comes off as being rude. It makes the other person think that something is wrong with him.
The main thing that stops most shy and introverted people from talking to others is fear, and there is something that you need to know about it. In previous videos, I've mentioned that fear is like a seed. Every time that you don't do something that you know you should do, the seed is planted, and every time you give in to the fear, it's like watering the seed and giving it some sunlight. Each time the fear wins, it grows stronger, and before you know it, the fear is so strong that it starts to grow roots and create more fears. And what started as a simple fear of socializing transforms and starts to erode every area of your life. When you face your fear and beat it back, something incredible happens: You start to realize how small it really was. Your fears are like little dogs with a big bark; they'll sit there and bark loudly from a distance, but once they're challenged, they'll run and hide behind something. Once you face your fear of socializing with strangers and people in general and overcome it, you'll not only eliminate the fear, but the energy that was occupied by the fear will come back as confidence and self-esteem, which will further reduce your tendency to be shy. Greg Plitt, one of the most inspirational and motivational fitness speakers I've ever known, always said that behind every fear is the man that you want to be. Everything, and I mean everything, you could ever want in life, anything worth having is guarded by fear, and to get it, you must overcome. You guys are amazing, and what's that's it until next time. Thanks for watching.