Transcription
Yes. Okay. Well, I'm a friend who works as a photographer.
It's a work video, so you'll fix it while working.
Okay. So, the viewers will be working, and you'll be watching.
Yes. The lights are flickering on and off, but is that okay?
The lights. Only when I use them.
There are times when I need them and times when I don't.
Ah, I see. I see.
Yes. Not really. Yes. It makes sense. It makes sense.
So, where is this place?
This is my room, where I lived for six years before moving.
It looks like a studio, doesn't it? It's amazing.
Yeah, it's really old, about 60-something years old. What is this work you're doing now?
I'm running an online shop for handmade accessories. I have a lot of materials left over from that, so I thought I'd sell them.
Yes, yes.
And in May, I posted a tweet that sounded a bit down.
Everyone must have been worried. I've been hiding it, but I've been suffering from a mental illness for about 12 years and have been hospitalized. I haven't been able to do much creative work, and so on.
Yes.
And this.
And so on.
Well, what was it called?
Well, I was getting more and more anxious and things were getting worse. With all of this, I reached my limit and decided to ask for help from those around me for the first time.
I'm a little worried, so...
Ah, is that so? I'm sorry, everyone.
Yes. Yes.
I'm doing well.
Yes.
Yes. I'm healthy.
Yes.
Yes. It's okay, but some of you might have guessed, but my creative work has stopped.
And through various approaches like treatment and counseling, I'm getting a little better.
Yes. It's been pretty bad for the past three years.
But recently, I've suddenly started to move.
I tweeted and felt a little better, maybe? Was it good?
Recently, something happened with my cat.
Yes, yes. I was alone, but conversely, I think I've grown and things have changed. I've decided to move and I'm looking for a job.
Uh, yes.
I've posted my profile and portfolio on a certain job-hunting website.
What kind of work do you want to do?
What kind of work do you want to do?
Ah, I enjoyed video and photography, but video was especially fun, so I'm looking for a production company in that field, like for music videos.
So, what kind of music videos do you like? Not really.
What kind of... I liked fashion, but I like a lot of things.
But rather than black and white, I like using a lot of color, natural things, and the human body.
What should I call it? Rather than clocks, I want to be involved in that kind of visual production, like entertainment.
Yes. If possible. Yes.
Yes.
But I don't know.
I've only ever worked as a freelance actress or as a sole proprietor or in a small office.
You're the boss.
Yes, yes. I've never looked for a job. So, I've never been out in society.
Yes. Yes.
Well, I don't know what I'll be allowed to do.
So, if it's a production company, at first it would be research.
Hmm. I don't even know what kind of work I'm suited for.
Yes. Yes. For now, yes.
Production or AD, for now.
Yes. I didn't go to school. I only did self-production.
So, I have no idea what kind of work people like that can do, or what it's like.
Even if I do it myself, I can't suddenly become a director, of course.
That's true.
Yes. But, well, if I do self-production, I might be able to debut as a director in six months or a year.
Yes.
But since I'm self-taught, I have a gap in my skills and I'm not confident, so I'd like to start by learning.
Yes. I'm looking forward to that. Yes. I've been feeling that way recently. Yes. I've developed a spirit of challenge.
But it's not just any production company.
Ah.
Yes.
Things that I'm interested in.
Well, that might narrow it down quite a bit.
Ah, but I wonder.
I wonder.
If I find a company with people who seem interested in what I'm interested in, I'll send them an email.
Yes.
Even if that doesn't work out, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, I'll try a lot of different places. I'll try a lot of them.
Ah, I'm asking AI too.
I'm looking at the chat.
Yes.
So, about that tweet, about 12 years ago, what were you doing?
10 years ago? Ah, I wrote 12 years. Yes.
I met someone who made music for me.
I started singing, writing lyrics, making music videos, and uploading them to YouTube.
When I uploaded the third music video, that person decided to quit.
And then, a few months after the third music video was uploaded to YouTube, I suddenly woke up one morning and couldn't move.
I was so surprised. I remember it very clearly.
Yes. The scenery looked like a set, like a backdrop, and I felt like I was in a dream.
Yes. I've had the experience of not being able to move, but I've been escaping by just looking at the internet.
I couldn't see. I couldn't see. I don't know.
I had no sense of reality. The information from the scenery wasn't coming in.
It wasn't moving my understanding or emotions. It was really eerie.
It looked like a fake, like a backdrop.
A backdrop.
Like a painted backdrop.
So, in a play, the background scenery, like a cityscape, is just painted, right?
Yes. That feeling.
Yes. That feeling.
Yes. Yes.
So, how did you try to get out of that?
I had a friend who was mentally stable.
You'd think it's mental, right?
So, I consulted them and they recommended the same hospital, so I went.
Yes.
But the medication I was given was like an antipsychotic. Not a mood stabilizer, but something to calm delusions and so on.
When I took it, I could move without any particular feeling.
But I was writing lyrics and creating works, so I thought my imagination might be affected.
I didn't want to keep taking it.
I thought my imagination might decrease as my delusions and fears disappeared.
Ah, you stopped taking it for your own creativity.
Yes, yes. I stopped taking it, or rather, I thought I'd change it, so I went to a different hospital.
Oh.
So, what happened to your symptoms?
Hmm. Yes. But I didn't feel like any of the medications worked.
In my case, rather than medication, I went to a natural clinic.
They used nutritional therapy, dietary guidance, supplements, and exercise therapy.
I incorporated a lot of exercise there, took nutrients good for the brain, and had a hair analysis.
What's not good for the body, like wheat, refined grains, and casein, I eliminated. That seemed to work if I did it seriously.
And I like Freud.
So, the Freudian method of counseling, free association, is something that very few people in Japan can do. It's been decades. And it was a bit expensive.
How much was it?
I do it once a week, and it costs about 40,000 yen per session.
How many minutes?
How many minutes was it? 45 minutes or an hour?
45 minutes, maybe.
Yes.
When I did it, I would lie on a bed or something, and the counselor would just sit there. They didn't ask a lot of specific questions.
At first, I was told to speak freely, but I didn't know what to say. When told to speak freely, I'd think of things I shouldn't say.
Yes, yes. Things like that.
At first, I was confused, but eventually I got used to it.
When I was just listening, they'd say things like, "Is that so? Why is that?"
They'd just draw things out by listening.
Yes, yes.
Seriously, for 40,000 yen, it was just "Is that so?" or "Is that so?" They'd only ask very light questions.
But isn't it difficult to do that alone?
Yes. Yes.
You can't do it unless you're there. Lying down and talking continuously. I wouldn't try it.
But that treatment was quite meaningful.
Every time, I'd recall old memories or images, and I could confront myself.
Freud's free association, I think his theory is that childhood trauma affects a person's entire life.
Yes.
When I talk, I unconsciously say things from my childhood.
There were specific scenes I remembered.
I remembered things from adulthood too, but as I got used to it, I started remembering more and more from my childhood.
Every time, I'd end up crying so much that I'd be soaked.
Ah, sweating and crying.
Tears and sweat.
Yes, yes.
So, even though I was just talking randomly, it was because I wasn't thinking about it that I could notice things about myself.
It's a treatment where you notice things later, not immediately.
I think it was worth doing.
Yes. That was good too.
At first, there was a 30-minute free association session, and then about 15 minutes of advice.
There was no advice.
Is that so?
"Why is that?"
"Why?"
Seriously, they didn't say anything. They just asked "Why?"
I felt like I had to say something.
It was so quiet that I felt anxious.
Yes, yes.
So, why are there only a few dozen people in Japan who can do this? Can anyone do it?
I wonder if there's a knack to it.
Yes. Hmm.
Hmm.
Yes.
After going through nutritional therapy and Freudian therapy, what happened next?
Ah, but I had to stop eventually. It cost 40,000 yen.
Yes, yes. My primary physician also did counseling, and I was also getting medication at their office.
But the hospital changed, and it was a very busy period. I had to make appointments. When the hospital changed, I was late for an appointment and they got really angry.
They said things like, "Why can't you be on time?" and "Everyone learns that from elementary school to adulthood."
I was so scolded.
And I was expecting something else.
I paid and left.
And when you're undergoing that kind of treatment, you develop feelings for the therapist, like you would for a lover or a parent.
Yes.
Yes.
So, I was quite attached to them, but then they got really angry at me for being late.
I thought, "What's going on?"
Even if I'm late, I have to be on time.
Yes.
But I didn't expect to be scolded like that at a psychiatric clinic.
And they were unusually furious.
Yes, yes.
They were incredibly angry.
Yes.
It was like an explosion of anger, not just a warning.
I couldn't respect them. Why would they get so angry?
They were very irritable from the beginning.
Yes. I was wrong, but...
Yes.
But that treatment was good. And when I had a boyfriend, dating was also good.
In the end, it's often said on Twitter that people with depression get better when they find a partner.
Ah, they get much better.
Yes.
Yes. Dating does seem to be the quickest way to get better.
How is your depression now?
Well, I got better with dating and thought I was okay, but then two years ago, about a month and a half ago, my cat got sick and died.
I was devastated.
Yes.
I couldn't update my social media either.
I just couldn't do anything.
I cried every day.
Yes.
But I thought, "It's been so long since I've updated my social media, maybe I should give a reason."
So, I tweeted this time.
I was watching YouTube and channels of other artists who had confessed to having depression or mental illness.
I thought, "Even people like that can do this?"
They seemed so fulfilled, or rather, more popular than me.
At first, I watched a documentary, but then they were saying on their own YouTube channel, "Today was tough."
I thought, "It's okay to say that."
That gave me courage.
And what they said wasn't particularly bad.
Yes.
Rather, I felt like I had an obligation to provide things that would make people feel good, heal them, or move them.
I had this idea that I shouldn't talk about heavy topics.
But I thought it was impressive that they were open-minded and that some people were moved by it.
So, I thought, "I don't need to hide it or leave it unattended."
It's better to give a reason, and it would be easier for me too.
Yes. Yes.
So, I think I tweeted something like, "I'll give a reason."
It was probably the first time in years.
Yes.
I probably posted it on X.
Yes. Yes.
I really wasn't looking at the internet.
Ah, yes. Not at all.
I didn't know about current events, trends, or common knowledge.
What do ordinary people know? I knew absolutely nothing about the world.
Social conditions.
Yes.
I knew absolutely nothing.
Yes.
I wasn't even replying to LINE messages, and my family was scolding me.
Who?
I didn't even know where my phone was. It was probably dead somewhere.
It's hard to find it. It was dead somewhere.
Yes, yes, yes, yes. I always lost my phone in the house.
In the house?
Yes.
What were you doing all that time, besides being sick?
Yes.
What was I doing? Ah, when I had my cat, I'd talk to her. I like doing housework, so I did that.
Yes. Yes.
When I couldn't move, I'd just lie down.
But I'd take care of my cat.
When I felt good, I'd clean.
But if you try to do housework meticulously, laundry, cleaning, and cooking can easily take up the whole day.
Yes.
And at night, I'd go out.
At night, I worked in the nightlife industry.
Like a club.
Ah. Yes.
There, I met people like the first female prime minister, or famous baseball players.
Yes. I didn't know Shohei Ohtani.
Yes, yes. I didn't know.
It was really unbelievable.
Yes, yes.
The customers at the club were my source of information.
Did you have an Ameblo account?
Ah, Ameblo. Ameblo. That was a long time ago.
Yes. Yes.
Yes.
But I was always low on updates.
Yes. Yes.
So, I didn't follow many people.
I was always out of touch.
12 years ago, the internet wasn't as developed.
Yes. Yes, yes, yes, yes. It was right before the internet really took off.
Yes.
I wasn't very active, so I didn't feel like I needed to catch up.
What about your creative work? Over the past 12 years?
Yes, I always wanted to do it, but I haven't been able to.
I used to draw and do crafts.
Yes.
But photography takes a lot of energy.
Yes. Yes.
Self-portraits and taking photos of myself.
I did that, but I often had to rent a studio or gather props.
Since I was taking them myself, it was quite difficult with a remote shutter.
It took a lot of time.
Yes. Yes.
So, music and photography?
Ah, music. I didn't do much.
Ah, the person I was in a unit with quit.
I had a lot of lyrics, so I wanted to use them.
I thought I'd make music myself and went to music school for two years.
Yes.
DDM.
I couldn't understand music theory at all.
It was a waste of time.
I couldn't do it at all.
Ah, you tried to compose, but realized you couldn't compose.
But I did make two songs.
Yes.
I haven't released them.
I sell them at events or subtly in my fan club.
Yes, yes, yes, yes.
But I'm too embarrassed to upload my own songs to YouTube.
Yes. Yes.
I recorded them at home.
Ah, at home.
I lived in a room with a soundproof booth and also rented a studio.
But music was difficult.
And I was praised most for my music and photography.
Ah, indeed. Photography was quite well-received.
Yes. Yes.
After winning an award, I got a lot of serialization work.
Photography serialization work.
Yes. Yes.
And I also did my own exhibitions, but I got a lot of invitations for group exhibitions.
Yes.
I submitted my photos to group exhibitions.
Photographer File, I think it was called. A magazine that features photographers.
Ah, a book.
Ah, yes, yes.
Yes.
There's also a "100 Video Creators" type of thing.
It's a book that people who watch that kind of thing would read.
Yes.
I even get inquiries from editors every year.
At that time, I was getting a lot of work, but...
Yes, yes.
It was difficult to meet deadlines.
Did you ever miss a deadline?
Ah, I think I was late.
I was late.
I was late.
The printing was on time.
Printing.
Ah, the magazine printing was on time.
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
The magazine printing was on time, but I think they probably had some buffer.
Ah.
Yes.
So, I started doing self-production as a hobby and enjoyed it. But I had accumulated so much that I wanted to show it off.
Yes. Yes.
When I booked an exhibition, I got a lot of work.
A lot of work came in, and my skills couldn't keep up.
Ah.
It became work.
Yes.
So, I was doing it because I loved it, and if I couldn't get a good shot by the deadline, I didn't want to submit it.
Yes.
When I couldn't get a good shot, I hated having to submit it.
And in those cases, I'd compromise and submit it.
I submitted it.
Yes.
Or, if something was rejected, I'd get embarrassed and quit.
What a waste.
I lacked professionalism.
Ah, yes.
Because I enjoyed it and loved it, my skills and awareness couldn't keep up.
Yes. Yes.
But I was in an agency for about five or six years.
That's amazing.
Five or six years is a long time. But with music, I made...
About two songs. What was it called?
Level.
Ah, yes.
When I went to an interview, they asked me to come.
Did they ask you to come for an interview?
Yes.
My lyrics and video were praised.
Yes. Yes.
My singing wasn't praised, but...
Ah, yes.
For the music, a professional musician made it for me.
Yes. Yes.
Yes, yes. Yes.
I see.
Yes, yes.
Well, it was fun. When I went to music composition school.
If I had a knack for it.
No, composing is something you're born with.
No, definitely. Yes, yes, yes.
It's completely different.
What is it in the end?
Music, I think I misunderstood something.
I thought, "Can I do anything?"
But I couldn't do anything at all.
What do you want to do creatively in the future?
I don't know what I'll be allowed to do, but I enjoy colors.
Yes.
What should I call it? Colors and design.
Hmm.
But I liked everything.
When I made music videos, I enjoyed every process. Editing was fun, but I also enjoyed the colors and the creation of props.
How do you make props? I bought parts and made them, or bought them and arranged them.
I also liked storyboarding and art.
Ah, art. Art. Yes. Yes.
Art. Art props.
Costumes too.
I gathered friends who could dance and choreographed them.
Even if it was silly choreography, it was fun.
Yes.
I enjoyed baking, but I don't know about composing music.
When I started to feel down, I had lyrics I liked and wanted to use them.
I started composing out of necessity, not because I really wanted to.
That might be why it didn't work out.
Yes. Yes.
It wasn't a good motivation.
Ah, I see.
Instead of "It looks fun," it was "I have to do something with these lyrics."
So, I guess I have to rely on others for things I can't do.
Yes.
Yes.
I hated not being able to create.
Yes.
So, even if I didn't feel like it, I forced myself to do it. It might have been counterproductive.
Since I was a child, I liked drawing and making things. I was happy that I could turn that into a job.
I think I got more depressed by forcing myself to do it.
I should have taken a break.
Even at the psychiatric clinic, they said, "You have to do it," and I got a prescription for a mood enhancer.
What did you get?
A mood enhancer, like a mood stabilizer.
It's difficult to write.
It's like boosting your mood.
Yes.
So, even with that, I was making things.
Yes. Yes.
But in times like those, the only thing that helps is input.
I was doing the opposite.
It was impossible. But since it was a time when I could change my way of working, I thought this was a great opportunity.
Yes, yes. If I refused now, I wouldn't get any more work.
Yes.
I continued because I enjoyed it. I don't know if I should have refused or quit all the work at that time.
But if I stop working, I might not get any more work.
Yes. Yes.
Also, if I keep taking breaks, I won't be able to create new things or express myself, and people will forget about me.
Yes.
So, if I don't express myself, I'll lose work and be forgotten by people.
Ah.
Yes.
I didn't want to be forgotten.
At that time, I suddenly couldn't do anything. Now, I don't have that obsession.
Not now.
Yes. Yes.
Rather, I want to be invisible.
Completely from scratch, without anyone knowing me.
I've been resting for a long time.
Yes.
I've been resting for a long time.
I haven't been able to do much creative work or express myself.
Ah.
Yes.
I'm thinking of changing my approach to creative work.
Yes.
I'm thinking of improving my skills.
And I used to do everything alone.
Yes.
I want to try working with others.
So, as a director, basically.
I don't know what position, but I'd be contacted and asked to do something, and I'd do all the work and meet the deadline without meeting anyone.
If I'm self-producing.
Yes. If I'm self-producing.
When my mental state is bad, it's difficult to recover on my own.
But if I book a yoga class at a studio, and there's an instructor, I have to do it.
It's easier to continue that way.
And if there are other people, I can't just say, "I'm not feeling up to it today, so I'm going to leave halfway."
I can't just say that.
I can't just say, "I'll stop for now."
I can't just say, "I'll stop for now."
If I don't have that kind of intense desire to create, it's better to work with others.
There's a moderate amount of pressure.
Yes. It's better to have people around.
I'm looking for companions.
I'm lonely.
I've been living alone for 14 years.
I'm lonely.
Yes. I'm lonely.
14 years.
I've never really been out in society.
Yes.
I've never looked for a job. Well, I did when I started, but I failed all of them.
Yes.
But I'll try again.
Yes.
The employment status is also different now than it was 10 years ago.
Yes.
I used to get scared and upset if someone said something to me.
But now, I don't care what people say.
So, even if I tried a part-time job, the manager might say something like, "AV is good, isn't it?"
Ah, when the topic of AV came up.
Wouldn't a normal girl suddenly talk about AV? Normally, they wouldn't.
They'd definitely notice. I wondered if they were saying it because they knew.
Yes. Yes.
It makes you anxious.
And I'd get really hurt by it.
But now, I'm an adult, so I don't care.
It's not that I don't care at all, but I don't care that much anymore.
The world hasn't changed that much.
Yes.
I've changed too. So, I don't care that much.
It was a long time ago.
Yes.
Yes.
Ah, I did that.
I liked it.
I worked hard.
It's not something to be ashamed of.
Yes.
My boyfriend helped me recover from depression. How?
It happened a few times.
At meetings.
Yes.
About midway through the 12 years, my ex-boyfriend contacted me and said, "I'm coming to see you now."
He came over like a normal friend, not in a lewd way. He just came over as a friend.
He said, "There are a lot of people like you. Try watching TwitCasting."
6 years ago. TwitCasting. What is TwitCasting?
6 years ago? Even before that.
I know about Twitter, but TwitCasting isn't linked to Twitter.
Ah, TwitCasting is like a live broadcast on Twitter.
You can broadcast from your account.
You're watching people like that.
That's crazy.
What are you saying? What are you saying? Are you being dark?
Yes. They'd broadcast with titles like "I took 30 pills of this medicine."
Ah.
Or, they'd talk with people who had similar symptoms.
Did you also participate, Fariza? Did you write comments?
I made a dark account.
Fariza is @Yami.
I deleted it now, but I used the name "Jelly."
Like the band Kuroyume.
Ah, there was a band. I didn't know the song, but I liked the name Jelly.
So, I was tweeting like a diary.
Yes.
People would comment.
Yes, yes.
And if they were doing TwitCasting, I'd comment on their broadcasts.
I've probably done that.
I'd go see other people's broadcasts and comment, and I'd get comments too.
Yes.
And then we'd exchange DMs.
DMs.
Ah, yes. Yes, yes, yes, yes.
TwitCasting.
About a year. Ah, was there a period like that?
I met two people in person.
Two people.
Ah, both of them.
We had meals or drinks together, like normal friends.
Yes. Yes.
And at my place.
Yes, yes. Yes, yes.
We had relationships.
Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.
But my previous boyfriends didn't understand that at all. Of course, they wouldn't bring up those topics.
People who aren't in the dark world.
Ah, they were quite cheerful. Maybe because I didn't leave the house, they said, "You're like Rapunzel."
You're like Rapunzel. That's positive.
They said it nicely.
My hair is long.
I was confined.
Ah, confined.
So, I was like Rapunzel, locked away.
Yes.
But I was with someone for five or six years, and I started to feel lonely because I couldn't talk about those things.
Yes.
So, I ended up cheating, in a way.
Not cheating, but...
Yes.
A bit of a swap.
Ah, I see.
Yes.
There were times like that.
Ah. Yes. Yes.
Where are you going?
Where? Just like anyone else.
Yes.
Normal dates.
Like in the park.
But since we were both in the same community, we didn't do much leisure activities.
It's like the online community of sick young people.
Ah, but it's quite serious.
Not like "dark and gloomy," but people who are genuinely struggling to live.
I think.
If we made plans, they might say, "I can't come today, I couldn't get on the train."
Ah, I see. I see.
It's difficult to even gather.
If I'm not feeling well, I can say so.
Being able to say that is a great support.
Ah, I see.
Yes.
I've had those experiences too. And I was having fun. But some people say they don't get better. I think they can get better.
Yes. Yes.
Indeed. It's like a cold.
It's like a cold. Some people think it will heal over time, while others think it will never heal.
If you realize something within yourself, or change habits that have become ingrained, you can get better.
When I got better, I developed exercise habits. It's just normal things. Diet, too.
Realizing why I became like this.
Confronting myself.
Yes. Yes.
Introspection.
Looking at myself.
Looking inward.
Meditation.
Meditation is also like that.
Yes. Yes.
Yes.
Facing problems I don't want to face.
If you keep doing that, you'll grow.
Then you'll get better.
Also, changing your environment if it's the cause.
Or changing your perspective.
Even if it's a memory that can't be undone, just realizing it can make things better.
What do you realize?
For example, even if it's a memory that was so shocking that it can't be undone, you can't erase the memory. But if you realize that you're being pulled by it, it makes you feel better and you stop caring about it.
For example, I have severe PMS.
What is PMS?
It's when you experience physical and mental symptoms before your period. You feel unwell.
Knowing that it's before your period is different from not knowing. If you know, you think, "Oh, it's that time of the month again." If you don't know, you get anxious.
You get really depressed.
You get confused.
And you calm down. "It's because of this that I'm feeling this way now." If you understand that, then it's just the symptoms.
You won't be swayed by it, so you won't get depressed.
I see.
Don't get anxious because you can't do anything.
Yes.
It's just that there's something that prevents you from doing things. And if you stop being anxious about it.
Ah, the reason I can't do anything might be this. Ah, or maybe it's this. Ah, maybe it's because of this. You realize it.
Because of what happened, I'm feeling this way at this time of year. And now is that time.
If you can accept that, then it's not something to be afraid of.
If you can think that way, your symptoms will lessen.
Ah, so I might as well change my environment.
You can calmly judge and fix things.
And if the time you forget increases, if you forget about it, then you're cured.
So, I thought I didn't need medication anymore and stopped taking it.
Yes.
Well, it can get worse if you stop.
Ah, yes, yes, yes, yes.
I can't recommend it to everyone, but this is what happened to me personally.
Yes.
I think that's how it is.
If you can think that way, then...
For people with depression, there are notebooks and things like that.
But isn't it scary to coach someone?
It's okay to write what's correct.
You can write, "This is not necessarily correct."
You can write in detail, "This worked for me."
Yes.
Ah, yes. I wrote that at the beginning with a disclaimer.
Indeed. I've tried so many different approaches.
If sharing my experiences can be helpful, then before video or photography, I'll try expressing myself through writing.
Hmm?
Ah, with a notebook like that.
So, that the past 12 years aren't wasted.
Ah, writing it down.
Ah, this worked well.
Yes. Hmm. Hmm.
Yes. I felt embarrassed, but it's better not to feel embarrassed.
It was probably difficult.
Ah, being sick.
Ah, it was pathetic. And I felt powerless.
But I've come to terms with it.
But yes, if I try it, looking back, it was a good experience. I've become kinder.
Yes. I've realized a lot and grown.
Yes. I think it was good.
Yes.
But I only posted it recently.
Yes.
The world is fast-paced.
It's been a month.
Yes. My pace is too slow.
Yes.
Well, everyone has their own pace.
Yes.
But I'm going to die if I don't.
No, I'm slow. No matter what I do.
Yes.
Well, it's good if being slow leads to high quality, but that's not how people get promoted.
Promotion.
Being able to work quickly is one thing, but I don't know.
Yes.
I don't think too much about the details. I'm light and casual.
And basic.
Basic.
For creative work.
Yes, yes.
And input.
Yes. Editing, everything is self-taught. Photography.
Yes.
You don't need to go to a vocational school, but if you read books, you can change a lot.
You already have experience.
Yes.
I also read a thin book on composition and it changed a lot.
Like a manual.
Yes, yes.
It's like downloading a manual into yourself.
Everything is a system. Video.
Yes.
That's where effort comes in.
I used to throw away manuals even when I bought cameras.
Yes.
Well, camera manuals are important, but...
They are quite important.
Important.
I bought a good camera, but I was only saving JPEGs on the monitor.
Ah, so I didn't know that.
Yes, yes.
But if you're not alone, you have to learn those things.
Yes.
When I was doing photography alone, I did everything.
I was shooting alone.
So, when I got a request for a page in a magazine like Playboy, a fetish-themed page, I was the model, I came up with the composition, I designed the props, and instead of me taking the photo, a photographer took it.
Yes.
And there were ADs and other staff.
I was so anxious.
I found it difficult to say things like, "Do this more," or "I want to do this."
I didn't know how to give instructions.
Who is the director, who has the final decision-making power?
It's me.
Yes.
But the photographer is a professional.
Yes.
You have to respect them.
Yes, yes, yes, yes.
So, I found it difficult to say, "It's different," or something like that.
Yes.
I was anxious, but it turned out really well.
The colors were good too.
Yes.
It was a moving experience. Collaborating with people and making something together made it even better.
Taking photos is their specialty.
It's like sex. I didn't think that at the time, but it was like sex.
It was as moving as sex.