Transcription
Greetings. When it comes to psychological abuse, most people imagine shouting, insults, or open threats. But in reality, the most dangerous scars are left by what happens in absolute silence. Especially masters of toxic non-verbal communication, hidden narcissists, who are afraid to go into open confrontation and declare what they don't like. And in principle, they don't like conflicts, because it's very easy to lose their image of an intelligent genius there. Let's see how narcissists use non-verbal communication for psychological violence. Take what was most useful. I think many of you can recognize your acquaintances in my today's episode. At least narcissists are recognized masters of toxic non-verbal communication. Non-verbal communication itself is not a sign of narcissism. Body language, in principle, exists. And if you know how to read it, you can learn a lot about people, even non-narcissists. There is even a special branch of psychology called mentalistics. It is used in many cases, most often precisely where security services in forensics, mentalists, they help to recognize lies. So, what's wrong with a narcissist's body language? And narcissists communicate very well non-verbally in order to send hidden signals to the victim, especially, you know, those at risk of trauma, who are hyper-vigilant, used to reading the mood of their loved ones, afraid of falling out of favor, afraid to say a word against, afraid that they will be displeased with them. And this is very sad and will be very painful. Who has such tendencies? Narcissists, recognized masters of this toxic non-verbal communication, the hidden silent language of body, facial expressions, and gestures is used with one goal: to trample your self-esteem, to subjugate your will, and to make you do what he wants, without uttering a single word. And most often, manipulators succeed in this. The cunning of this manipulation lies in the fact that it is practically impossible to prove. If you try to accuse a narcissist of how he looked at you, you will instantly be considered crazy. That you are pestering him. I'm just tired. You're paranoid again. You see a hidden meaning in everything. Something is wrong with your head, but your intuition and your body do not lie to you. From these silent signs, everything inside tightens, blood runs cold in your veins, and self-confidence melts before your eyes. Plus, a powerful cognitive dissonance is created. Why? Because with their body, the narc transmits one thing, says another, and does something completely different. And you can often encounter such situations. And not only in romantic relationships, but also in work. So, learning mentalistics is very useful for those who are in business, conduct negotiations, management, PR specialists, definitely, definitely for those who hire. You can also learn a lot of interesting things if you understand body signals. How do narcissists use it? Firstly, the most frequent and, I would say, the most primitive is a stone face. This is a face without any emotions, without any, a frozen block. And this hits very hard on people who are used to earning love and approval. Any displeasure from a loved one and a displeased look is perceived as a blow to the heart. And that you will be abandoned now. Yes, these are childish reactions, but many adults have them too. This is not a sign of pathology. If this is present, and it is accompanied by shame, then this is a reason to pay attention to your manifestations, because if you get rid of it, neither the mask nor the ignore will work on you, and narcissists do not use manipulations that do not work on you. They are too lazy. They only take what can hook you. A stone face is one of the harshest non-verbal techniques. Narcissists turn it on when you try to discuss a problem, express dissatisfaction, or simply when he decides to punish you for something bad from his point of view. How does this look in life? You are sitting in the same room, imagine, you ask a question or share something important. The narcissist does not shout, he does not argue, he simply freezes. His face turns into a lifeless stone mask, devoid of any human emotions. And you look and cannot understand what is happening. He looks through you, as if there is an empty space in front of him, and continues to monotonously scroll through his phone feed. To attempts to reach him, "Do you hear me? What's happening?" There is no reaction at all, not a nod, not a sigh. You are as if just talking to emptiness. You have been taken, zeroed out, turned off. You try to reach him, but you are not there. What is the toxic meaning of this manipulation? For the human psyche, there is nothing more terrible than complete disregard from a significant person. On a subconscious level, this is perceived as metaphorical death. You do not exist for me. By turning on a stone face, the narcissist solves two problems at once. Firstly, harsh punishment. You should feel abandoned and worthless. And he collects "food" through your panic. Many fall for this. Seeing how you run around him, cry, beg, try to talk, get angry, shout, the narcissist revels in his absolute power, and you waste tons of energy, and then he sits with a stone face and absorbs it. Contemptuous micro-expressions - they also consider themselves superior beings who are forced to live among stupid and imperfect people. They transmit their deep contempt for their partner through micro-movements of facial expressions, which last a fraction of a second, but hit like a random blow. I think you have encountered this. How does this look in life? Demonstrative eye-rolling. You are enthusiastically talking about a new idea, for example, sharing something pleasant from work, or simply expressing an opinion about a movie you watched together and are now discussing. And in response, the narc takes a deep breath, rolls his eyes to the ceiling, and remains meaningfully silent. "God, what nonsense are you talking about, how tired I am of all this." Condescending smirks, narcissists raise one corner of their mouth when you talk about your feelings or grievances. And this smirk expresses extreme superiority and disgust. It is read instantly. The feeling afterward is disgusting, as if you stepped in something. Heavy sighs of a martyr. As soon as you start talking about household matters or ask for help, the narc sighs so heavily and loudly, as if a bag of cement has been thrown on his shoulders. It sounds like non-verbal blackmail. "You are a burden, you tire me with your primitive questions." What is the hidden meaning of the manipulation? And these signals slowly, drop by drop, castrate your spontaneity and courage. After a few months of such a life, you may catch yourself thinking that it's better to keep quiet than to see this again. You start to be ashamed of your own voice, thoughts, desires, voluntarily sinking under the baseboard, which is what the narcissist, in fact, was aiming for. Non-verbal triangulation and covert flirting are also another thing. As we already know, narcissists love to collect "food" through jealousy. I'll tell you later. And most often, this is done precisely non-verbally, so that if necessary, they can accuse you of madness. How does this look in life? You are sitting in a company of friends or in a restaurant, the narcissist behaves demonstratively coldly with you, keeps his distance, does not touch you, but as soon as another person appears in his field of vision, a waitress, an acquaintance, just a pretty girl, the narcissist's body instantly comes alive. He turns his whole body towards this person, his eyes light up, he gestures actively, accidentally touches his shoulder or hand when the waitress brings a plate. He laughs at jokes, makes jokes himself. When this person leaves, the narcissist instantly "cools down" again, turns to you, and buries himself in his phone or talks again with a stone face. What is the toxic meaning of the manipulation? The non-verbal signals say to everyone: "I have warmth, charisma, joy, and sexual energy, but not for you. You haven't deserved it, you haven't deserved my favor. You feel like an inadequate outcast who has been deprived of warmth, and you start a race to earn that lively, smiling gaze again." Or you get angry and then, as it were, confront the narcissist, and he accuses you of being paranoid. You are paranoid that he now, as it were, has to be afraid of people, or what, and try to prove something to them. Although the flirtation was there and was right before your eyes, he will insist to the end that this flirtation is your own invention, a sick, exaggerated fantasy, and your eyes are lying to you. The game of glances from an shark-like gaze to an empty space. The narcissist's gaze is a separate tool of psychological pressure. Healthy people use eye contact to exchange warmth or information, while narcissists use it as a radar of control or a laser of destruction. How does this look in life? A predatory gaze, intense, unblinking, cold, direct during a conflict or when the narcissist wants to intimidate. There is no human warmth in this gaze, only cold calculations and aggression. The body reads this gaze at the level of animal instincts. A predator is in front of you. Either run or freeze and fight. A gaze through walls, unfocused. Another extreme: he looks in your direction, but his eyes are focused on a point behind you. He looks as if at you, but as if you are empty and simply not there. You try to catch his gaze, but it persistently slides away, and you cannot catch it. What is the toxic meaning of this manipulation? The predatory gaze suppresses resistance, forcing submission out of fear. And the gaze through the glass completely erases identity. You are accustomed to the thought that you have no weight, form, or significance in this world. You are an empty space, you are no one until the narcissist deigns to see you. Spatial abuse, distance, and looming are a separate topic. Narcissists masterfully use physical space to make their partner feel uncomfortable, guilty, or scared. How does this manifest in life? Demonstratively moves away. You sit next to a narcissist on the couch, and he immediately demonstratively moves to the very edge or gets up and moves to an armchair. You want to take his hand for a walk, he sharply pulls his hand into his pocket or speeds up, leaving you behind. Physical dominance, literally looming. Men like to practice this. During an argument, narcissists may come too close, violating personal boundaries, stand in front of you when you are sitting, or block your passage in a doorway with their body, while speaking in a calm voice, but their posture conveys a hidden threat of physical superiority, especially if they are much larger than you. What is the toxic meaning of the manipulation? Moving away and physical coldness, conveying disgust. You are made to feel dirty and unworthy. The touch of a great king. Looming and blocking space. Pure animal terror, aimed at paralyzing the will to resist on a physical level. You start to fear him, even if he is your own husband. How to protect yourself from this silent poison? The main mistake of victims when encountering such non-verbal communication is the attempt to hold the narcissist accountable and clarify something. Do not try to say: "Why are you looking at me like that? Why are you sighing? Talk to me, please," because this is a dead end and a drain of narcissistic "food." The narcissist is waiting for this. You let him know that his theater is hitting the mark and disturbing your peace, which means that such methods will be used against you. To break this whole scenario, act according to different rules. Firstly, trust your own body, not his words. If it seems that you are being despised, ignored, or intimidated, then you are not mistaken. The nervous system infallibly reads hostility. Stop looking for excuses for the narc. Turn on the mirror vacuum. If the narcissist sits with a stone face, don't run around him. Take a deep breath and shift your focus back to yourself. Turn on your favorite movie, do some cleaning, go to friends, make his stone face his own problem, his favorite ignore, but not demonstrative. Like, "Okay, I'm demonstratively ignoring you." Do not switch to yourself and leave the emotional reactions to the narcissist. His own emotional reactions. In principle, in healthy logic, this is his responsibility. A person's emotions, feelings, and actions belong to him, and he is responsible for them. Why should you cater to this theater? Physical distance. If someone looms over you or blocks your passage, do not enter into any arguments. Calmly take a step back, breaking the distance. If necessary, leave the room or the house. If you can, your safety and physical comfort should be the priority here. If you see that he is completely consumed by rage, out of control, try not to argue at all. Slowly, slowly, slowly. You know, like with someone else's aggressive dog, however it sounds, because you don't know what's going on in a person's head and what will make him snap, even if he was peaceful before. Do not provoke, do not create additional escalation. Here too, you need to know when to shut up, especially when the narc is losing it. And this works not only with narcissists. Lower the value of his reactions. Stop treating the narcissist's sighs and eye-rolls as an assessment of your personality. He has the right to think whatever he wants. It's just his thoughts. It's like the noise of a broken refrigerator or the barking of someone else's dog outside the window. It's just a symptom of this person's mental disorder or his complexes. And his facial expressions have absolutely nothing to do with your real worth. And in principle, for those who are leaving relationships with a narcissist or trying to establish a more or less comfortable communication with them, let's say, it is very important to learn to separate yourself from this person and his reactions, so that your self-worth is not tied to any one person in this world. The narcissist feeds on internal chaos. When he realizes that his non-verbal communication no longer causes such a reaction in you, then these performances will stop. They do not use what does not work against you. Write in the comments if you have noticed similar manifestations, how you reacted to them before, how you react now, and how you, in principle, are with the ability to read body signals. For those who need psychological help, a certified psychologist Ilya works. I am leaving contacts in the comments. All the best. See you in the next episodes.