Transcription
[Music] on Divorce Court today. Brittany and Brent had a whirlwind courtship and moved in together one month after they met. Now the honeymoon is over even before the wedding. He blames her drinking and she claims he cheats. Brittany Ashaka and Brent Oscard have brought their dispute for Judge Lynn Toller to resolve. Testimony in divorce court before your vows starts now.
"Good morning. I have with me here Miss Ashaka and Mr. Ogard. The two of you have been dating for a while. You've been living together and now you want to know whether or not you should marry. You've given me your marriage license with permission to tear it up should I think this union is ill advised. You have also filled out my compatibility test which was interesting. And uh we're going to go through that momentarily. But before we do, Miss Ashaka, I'm going to start with you. Tell me what your concerns are, but why you still want to get married?"
"My concerns are basically, I'm 27. I'm a pretty much a housewife, but with none of the perks. So, I want to know that this is going somewhere because I don't want to waste my time. Prior to him, I was in a relationship for almost nine years on and off, and it went nowhere. So, I want to know I'm not wasting my time and doing the same thing."
"Okay. Now, the two of you are living together. Correct. How long have you been living together?"
"Over a year now."
"Living together over a year. And how long did you date before you moved in together?"
"We moved pretty rapidly. It was pretty much four weeks after we started dating. We"
"Not. This is Shaka. What happened in those 30 days that said I'm going to give up where I don't know. Did you move in with him or did he move in with you?"
"Yes, I moved in with him."
"What happened in those 30 days that said, 'I'm going to give up my apartment, my house, or whatever, take all my stuff, and go move in this dude's house'?"
"It wasn't moving maybe like we I didn't move everything like rapidly. It was kind of like a slow process. It started off like"
"30 days. Nothing slow about 30 days."
"I agree."
"It's love."
"Oh, love doesn't happen in 30 days. Lust happens in 30 days, but love does not happen in 30 days. You don't know know her well enough to love her in 30 days. You can like her a lot."
"I have a lot to bring to the table."
"You have a lot to bring to the table. How much do you have to bring to the table?"
"Judge, I'm right here. This is what I bring to the table. I I honestly I just feel like I'm a hardworking person. I I give a lot. As far as giving, I give everything. When I met Mrs. Shaka, I g I allowed her to come into my home and yeah, she she did some things, but those things were"
"You allowed her to come into my home."
"Did she ask?"
"Did she ask?"
"I invited her, of course."
"Well, then you didn't allow her. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. In fact, I want you to listen to the words people use cuz it tells you something about how they feel and what they think. I speaks loudly."
"Yeah."
"But go ahead. I had to make the executive decision to allow her to be here."
"I had to make the executive decision to allow her to be here. He thought that cleaned that up."
"What's funny?"
"I'm just"
"Are you Are you Are you keeping a list here?"
"All right. Go ahead."
"Here. I got some more to add to the tally. Here we go. So, basically, like I said, I allowed her to come into my home. I I looked out for I took care of rent. She didn't have to come out of a dime out of her pocket. I took care of her. That's my wife."
"So, you were supporting her?"
"Of course."
"And is that true that he supported you and paid the bills and kept a roof over your head? Is all that true?"
"Yes."
"Okay."
"To a certain"
"Is that what you were looking for?"
"No, not."
"What were you looking for after those 30 days?"
"Really? I Me and him clicked so well. He he pursu pursued me for a year prior to us actually dating. He had a girl he was dating and he was on and off with for three years. He was out with her the same night I met him and he asked me to sit on his lap. I didn't even know he was with this girl and she came up to me. So, he pursued me a year prior to prior to"
"Yes. And so, he kept trying and kept trying and he would see me out."
"Why didn't within that year he pursued you? What made you not want him?"
"I thought he was too nice. I thought I would walk all over him and I was going"
"I thought he was too nice."
"She thought wrong. Oh, I did. I thought wrong. I don't know what it is. There is this thought out there, this this desire out there. I want me a soldier. I want me a hard dude. I want me this and that and the other thing. And those are the worst guys to get cuz they're not nice to you. And you get a nice guy and you're worried like, I I don't want him. Why wouldn't you want a nice guy? I mean, they always say nice guy, finish laugh. That's cuz women are foolish."
"I agree. I didn't think you could say something like that."
"I'm proud of you. I'm proud of you today."
"You don't need to be proud of me."
"I see you in a new light. I got to be honest."
"You don't need to. That's cuz you don't pay attention. I'm very"
"I have clarity. You moved in with him, Miss Shaka. And you believe now that you're giving him everything that a wife gives a a husband, but you don't have the ring in return. Explain to me that circumstance and why you feel that way. I work longer hours than he does. I come home, he's on the couch playing video games, watching sports, the kitchen's a mess. Like, and then he'll be like, 'I'm hungry. What is there to eat?' Like, you've been home for three hours. You could have cooked and I could have came home to dinner. Like, there's no there's no"
"So, you both work?"
"We both work."
"And how many hours a week do you work?"
"Over like 48."
"48. And how many hours a week does he work?"
"40."
"She doesn't know cuz I work hard. appro approximately the same amount of time. Okay. Mr. Osgard, is it true that in that she does work?"
"Yeah, she works. That's"
"Hang on. Does she bring in her income to help with the household or does she keep all of her money herself?"
"Now she helps. She wasn't helping before. So,"
"Were you not helping before?"
"I wasn't helping, but he never asked me to either. He made me think he just had it. If you got it, I mean, spend it. Do you see how that sounds?"
"It's off."
"Everybody hears how it sounds. I really don't have to say anything."
"It's off. Do you you realize how off that is, don't you?"
"I mean, I help now because I see a future and I want to build something with him. So, yeah, I'm more willing to help now."
"But at first,"
"Before you didn't see a future, Hang on, hang on. You moved in with him, but you didn't see a future."
"I mean, I seen it going somewhere, but he's stuck in his ways. He's stubborn and he doesn't want to change. There's no compromise. Maybe. Hang on. You may be stubborn, but you're confused. And I'm going to clear both of those things up. Next, are Brent's all night video game parties a plot to annoy Britney or a part of this job?"
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"You say that he's inattentive. That though you deliver as a housewife, you don't receive any attention in return. Explain why you feel that way."
"I mean, it's simple things as far as him inviting his friends over. Mhm."
"He doesn't know when to tell them to leave. We both have work. We both I wake up earlier than he does and he'll have his friends over till 1:00 in the morning playing video games"
"and he's a competitive person. So there's no there's no compromise. It's like, okay, at this time they need to leave. He doesn't tell them to leave. It's and so his friends think that they can kind of do whatever they want when they come over because I I feel like I have no say so"
"but it's both of our apartment regardless of the situation. Yes, he's the only one on the lease and oh that gets thrown in my face. numerous times every time we fight."
"So, you're living in his house and he makes that clear."
"Yes."
"Now, now, Miss Mr. Osgard, I'm gonna ask you a couple of questions. You got to stay with me. I No grandio speeches, none of that. Just answer my questions."
"Do you at all see what she's talking about? Are you a kind of it's my way or the highway kind of guy?"
"I wouldn't say I'm that at all to be honest. There are moments in which I I fail. I'm not perfect. I'm a good guy, but I'm not perfect. Well, tell me about the video game thing. Is she accurate with respect to the the manner and the hours and all of that with"
"Let me break that down for you. I don't normally play video games for fun. I make money and bring in revenue playing video games. So,"
"that has to be added in. And the money I make, I spend on this woman."
"I understand that, Mr. Osgard. But my question is, are you playing at all hours of the night and in some way impinging on her ability to get sleep and work in the morning?"
"No, I wouldn't say that at all. Be honest."
"You wouldn't say it, but it still might be true. Wouldn't you think?"
"There has it times. You know, like I said, sometimes things get carried away, but for the most part, no. I don't I really do consider her and I know we both have to go to work. It's not just I don't stay up till 4 in the morning. I have to go to work myself. Tough, right? So"
"you say that she has anger issues that exacerbated by her alcohol issues."
"Okay."
"Explain that to me."
"What's the problem?"
"Sure. So when I met Britney and of course, you know, we started dating and we got together. Everything was great. And we would go out together. That's what we did, you know, have drinks at the bars, you know, go out with friends. And we had a lot of issues early on our relationship due to her drinking issues, bad issues. So"
"So M Mr. Oscar, you you you speak in generalities. You never tell a story. You just describe what it was based upon your understanding. I can't accept that. I have to have facts so I can make a determination as to the nature of what's going on. So t give me an example of some of the issues you've had with her anger."
"We went out one night for with my brothers and a few friends and we have a few drinks and so I someone text me on my phone. My mother text me on my phone. So I you respond back to her. So, and she's already she gave me this sour look when I look over at her and I'm like, 'Oh, boy. What's wrong?' So, I go and ask her, 'Nothing. Nothing.' You know how these women get. Nothing's wrong with me. You can't nothing. So, I'm like, 'Okay, here we go.' I already knew it was going to be a problem. So, again, I'm saying, 'What's wrong, baby?' Like, 'Let's talk about it.' Nothing. So, she walks out of the bar we're at. I follow her. I'm trying to talk to her now. She starts cursing at me. I'm like, 'Why?' because you had some drinks. Me personally, I had a partner who's drinking and mad and don't want to talk about it. I leave him alone because anger and alcohol are two things you don't want to mix up in a jar and drink because it usually backs up on you. You know what I'm saying? When you say you know how these women get, maybe you know how these women get because you get that way, too. When divorce court before your vows continues, how do anger and alcohol hurt this potential marriage?"
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"Do you cosign on the fact that you got a little anger issue there going on and that alcohol makes it worse?"
"Alcohol can make it worse, but if I'm telling you I don't want to talk about something because I know how my temper is. So just let it go."
"Explain that to him."
"Well, let me ask you this. You say he has an issue with anger as well."
"Could you give me some examples that demonstrate his anger issues?"
"Yes. Video games is one of them. If he's losing, we He's broken probably six Xbox remotes. Uh throwing them into the wall. There's holes in our wall."
"There's a hole in the wall. What is that? Was that a remote"
"video? Yeah, the video game remote. He chunked it into the wall cuz he lost. Do you see that as a mature response to loss or frustration?"
"I'm not normal. You got to understand that. I I may get a little upset at times. I don't take it out on anyone. I take it out on the wall."
"But well, that's very normal for a certain group of people. I'm I'm not going to say, you know, it's not extraordinary. There's a lot of hotheads out there. People who can't handle their emotions and their anger and disappointment and and they strike out. Jail's full of them."
"I used to sentence them all the time. It it it's it's it's not that exciting or interesting. Let me say let me go to the compatibility test. You said you kept talking about that you felt unappreciated. You haven't told me anything here today to back that up"
"cuz she can't."
"Uh Mr. Oscar unappreciated because I do cook. I do clean. I do laundry. Like I don't get any help at all. I shouldn't have to tell you. Like you're not a child. Like,"
"yeah, you do. No, Miss Ashka, you got to tell them, I need you to do this. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no butts about it at all. They don't, they don't look through the room and scan and see what needs to help. They don't do it. I don't know why. I don't know if it's hard wiring. I don't know if it's socialization, but they don't do it. So, you can't get mad that he's not doing something that you didn't tell him to do."
"But if I've told him it before, it's it's he remembers then, but then weeks go by. Oh, and it's"
"and that's how he's structured. But you can't get, you know, something. If he doesn't remember, remind him."
"You can't get mad at that. Now you over there. You were talking about I want a woman who's ready and prepared to work hard to achieve success. I want my life to"
"My handwriting is a little bad."
"It is. For who? Oh. To love me for who I am and truly love the individual she has, even for my flaws. You seem to be a bit"
"perfect."
"You self-involved is the word that I was going to use. You seem to think you're just a wonderful wonderful cat."
"Can you see it?"
"No, I don't. I see what you think. I I see something else entirely. But I think you're a nice guy. I think you're a funny guy. But I also think that you're a guy that doesn't do well with not getting exactly what he wants the way he wants it because you think you're so wonderful. People who think they're wonderful typically think they're right. And people who typically think they're right like that don't listen. And and they can't compromise, which is something that she's looking for. Is any of this sounding at all familiar to you?"
"You know, you can say it sounds familiar, but I wouldn't say it's all true because at the end of the day, I bring everything to the table. Anything she asks, she gets. She says I'm not giving her attention, she gets it."
"Well, give me an example of when she's asked for attention that you just thought was like, 'Come on, baby. Really?'"
"I constantly taking her out doing things for her. So, we won't even talk about that. But anyways, we're out together and I think uh I got a text from my mother. I'm talking to my mother. She's mad at me because I'm responding to my mother and I'm not giving her time. Why? I'm just talking to my mother. I feel like if I tell her, 'Hey, look, it's my mom. I'm sorry.' That's good enough. You She should understand because if it happens the other way, you're on your I have no problems."
"I'm with you. I understand exactly what you're saying."
"Judge Lynn Toler's ruling next."
[Music]
"It's time for you to call 1800282991 to answer today's question. You'll receive some valuable offers. Call now."
"Divorce Court Judge Lynn Toller's ruling right now."
"Miss Ashaka, if I had a dime for every woman who came in here and said she saw a future rosecoled with a white picket fence that wasn't really there, I wouldn't be here. I'd be on my own private island somewhere living it up and you'd never see me again. Mr. Aaka, my whole conversation is for you. You see who he is. He's not a bad guy, but he's the guy who that he is. Putting a ring on that will not make it better."
"It will not make him change. It will not make you his main focus. In fact, as Joe often tells me, this is as good as it gets when you're dating because everybody's putting their best foot forward. Everybody's doing the thing that they think is going to allow that other person to remain with them. Once the ring comes on the finger, it gets worse. See what I'm saying? Cuz he's not trying that hard anymore. He's got you. You're locked down."
"It is foolish to move in with a man. You give him everything that he wants, everything that he needs. You become invested in him. Cuz women, once we latch on to you, we're like a it's like he's Velcro and you get stuck and you don't care how much he shakes and shifts and shimmies. Not even saying he doesn't want you, but this is who I am. This is who I am. this is who I am. But but if I get that ring on him, I can fix him. You can't fix him. And he doesn't need to be fixed. He's who he is. He likes who he is. If you enjoy who he is, stay with him. But if you don't, don't expect it to change. But I feel like, what do you got to say? What do you got to say? When when you're in a relationship, I feel like you better yourself for the relationship. And I I've done a lot of things that I didn't do in my past relationships because I learned to grow from them. I feel like"
"Is he doing that?"
"I don't feel like he does. I FEEL LIKE"
"THAT'S THE POINT RIGHT THERE. THAT'S WHAT I'M TELLING YOU. You keep saying he ought to grow, HE OUGHT TO GROW, HE OUGHT TO GROW. IF THE BROTHER is showing that you he's not growing, then that's what that is. And you can't you can't make a guy somebody he isn't. He's not a bad guy. He's a guy who does what he does and thinks what he thinks and is the way who he is. And you have a decision. Do I want it or don't I?"
"May I say something, judge?"
"I got I got something to say. I just got something to say."
"Okay. You mentioned,"
"you know, I'M MAD AT HER. I DON'T SEE I DIDN'T SAY YOU WERE A bad person."
"You can't. You really can't."
"And I And I wasn't. I'm saying you're who you are. And if she's if she doesn't want you as you are right now, bounce. You're not hearing me. She's not happy with her situation. And I'm telling her she can't ask you to change. She has to make a decision whether or not she wants to be happy with you the way you are or be someplace else."
"I agree."
"You get that?"
"I agree with you."
"Then this matter is adjourned."
[Applause] Brent and Britany listen carefully to the judge's ruling and are dedicated to improving their relationship. Post a comment or submit your case at divorcecort.com or call toll-free 1877311-222. Follow us on Facebook and Twitter at divorce