Transcription
I was paralyzed from the waist down, and I just remember screaming in terror. "Don't leave me here." I want to change the perception of disability.
>> Crisis creates transformation if you don't give up, always. What got you to where you are, which I know you're proud of, will not get you where you want to go. Perhaps I don't need pain to drive me anymore. I'm just driven for something beautiful.
>> [music]
>> My name is Eileen Gruber. I'm originally from Anchorage, Alaska.
>> Alaska, ladies and gentlemen. Very much like Miami, cold.
>> But I live in Los Angeles.
>> Okay, very different. Give her a hand. LA, ladies. Anybody from out there from LA?
>> It feels really off sharing this, so I'm just going to share it.
>> it.
>> Okay, so you said first memory that comes to you. My first memory was getting out of the car in Alaska from church in a little white dress with little flowers on it. And seeing an opening, cuz my mom was distracted with all the other kids. And I saw the muddy lake across the street. And I saw my mom busy. And I took off running, and I dove in that muddy ass lake.
>> [laughter]
>> And I was like,
>> How old are you?
>> I got away with it.
>> How old were you?
>> four.
>> Four.
>> Then you said what was your next memory before that.
>> [snorts]
>> And that was my very first nursery school where I was always the boss. Everybody had to ask me what they got to play that day. I was like the leader of my class. That memory came to me.
>> Interesting.
>> And then you said, "What's your most painful?"
>> You don't have to go back. Here's the one thing I invite all of you to consider. You don't have to go back when you remember it being painful anymore. It doesn't have to be painful once you now know the true truth. What happens is because you've been there so many times, many of you then will, even though you know the higher truth, will go back to that piece again. And then it becomes more wired. Right? So, erase. Erase.
>> [snorts]
>> Change the tone of voice. Change the imagery. You can still tell us it without having to go relive it.
>> Except I can't change it because it drives my purpose.
>> Well, no. It – you think it drives your purpose. Continue and tell me, and then we'll uncover the deeper truth.
>> So, the painful memory was the day that I was, um, paralyzed from the waist down.
>> Yes.
>> That I – the day that I dropped and couldn't get up. And the time my mom finally realized this kid's in serious trouble and took me into the hospital, and she put me in the arms of a very large doctor, and I just remember screaming in terror, "Don't leave me here." And she was in terror. Obviously. And, um, when you said, "What was her perspective? What was mine?" I felt it was terror, terror. What was God's perspective? Go, kid, go.
>> Mhm.
>> Which made me think of the lake. Go, kid, go. Which brings me to my purpose, which I've known for decades. But as I told you before, I've been stuck at that ceiling. I have been fighting for the inclusion of kids with disabilities in the entertainment industry for decades. And it's because of my hard head against a cement wall, fighting and fighting and fighting and rallying people and fighting, that you're seeing a lot more people with disabilities on the screen.
>> Yeah, but
>> So, my realization because when I came here, I was really at a place of like, I don't know how to make this final thing happen. You know, I want to change the perception of disability so that children who fight for their lives and win
>> Yes.
>> do not step into a world where they are bullied, picked on, mistreated, kept out of fun and life and jobs, and everything is made harder for them
>> And
>> rest of their lives.
>> And how come you didn't end up that way?
>> I [snorts] had a lot of guardian angels.
>> And what belief carried you through that?
>> My belief – well, one, my mother, when I asked why, why did this happen to me, she used to say, "Because you were the only one of my eight children that was strong enough to handle it."
>> Mhm. Very nice. What a great mom you have.
>> I learned a lot on this week. I had breakthroughs every single day.
>> [applause]
>> Including that, that, that was not the only trial. That was just the first one.
>> That's right. Because we all go on a hero's journey many times.
>> Yeah.
>> Right? And we get called each time. And each time we call, if we really go, many of us resist, but if we dive into what we're afraid of and move forward, we will meet new friends, new mentors, we'll develop new skills, we'll fight new battles, we'll slay our dragons, and we'll come back the hero of our life to be able to share something authentic, cuz we've really lived it, not something we did in our head. And then, once you get comfortable, if you don't create it yourself, life will show in and give you another call to adventure. And that is what life is. It's not like at the end of Date with Destiny, the adventures are over, and many of you don't call them adventures, you call them crises or problems. But how many of you had a crisis that created a better you in your life? It seemed like an unbelievable crisis. In fact, crisis creates transformation if you don't give up, always.
>> Yeah.
>> Always.
>> Yeah.
>> If you don't give up.
>> Yes.
>> And if you give up, life will just give you more until you finally wake up or until you die miserable. You get to choose, cuz we all have free choice. The most important thing is finding the empowering meanings. And the most important thing is to understand that sometimes passion comes from pain.
>> Mhm.
>> But that as you develop more wisdom
>> Mhm.
>> and years don't guarantee that. Consciousness, increasing your consciousness increases that. As you gain more wisdom, you'll begin to understand that I don't need pain to drive me anymore.
>> Yes.
>> Now I can have a pull versus a push. When pain is driving you, it's still a push. And you can feel that in the tension in your body or that person's body.
>> Yeah.
>> And there's nothing wrong with pushing. Many people will go, "Look what all this push gave me." And you're so right, but it's just like the entrepreneur I talked to and say, "That's beautiful. What got you to where you are, which I know you're proud of, will not get you where you want to go." Now it's time for pull. Now it's time for less effort. Now it's time for elegance. Now it's time for pleasure versus pain as the driving force. The pleasure of making something better versus the pain. Cuz what we can get locked into, Ellen, is that if we've been in as much pain as you went through in that situation, and we know others do, that we take that and we convert that into energy to push us.
>> Yes.
>> And you've done a beautiful job of that, cuz most people would just let them stop them. But I would invite you to consider another possibility, which is maybe that isn't needed for your purpose anymore. And maybe if you don't have that same push – and I know you don't believe this right now, so I'm not asking you to believe this. I don't think you should believe this. In fact, I think you should resist this thought as much as you can. You should immediately say this is bull and he doesn't understand and it'll never work. And of course, you'll always be right, cuz whatever you tell yourself over and over and again, you'll know it's right. Whether it's accurate or not is a different question. But I'm wondering if you could consider the possibility – and you're the only one I'm speaking to right now, as you can see as I look in your eyes.
>> [laughter]
>> That perhaps I don't need pain to drive me anymore. I'm just driven for something beautiful.
>> Yeah.
>> And perhaps if that was the drive, I would actually reach some of the people I'm pushing away because my intensity keeps them from hearing the message, cuz they feel like they've done something wrong or you're making them wrong or the system is wrong that they're a part of, and then they just push back. It actually makes it harder, and you'll notice the ones you push through, of course, cuz that's what our ego does. Our need to be significant does.
>> Yeah.
>> But what if you could reach so much more with ease?
>> Yeah. That's on my board. You know
>> Oh, that's beautiful. Where is on your board? How high up is it?
>> Yeah.
>> How beautiful is this? Look what you got right here. Wise with ease.
>> Yeah.
>> Were you in my head before we began speaking?
>> [snorts]
>> This is beautiful. So now that you know that, bring that close and put it against your body.
>> [snorts]
>> Rub your body with it. And then you'll start to associate real pleasure to what you do instead of I'm doing it cuz of all the pain these people are experiencing, cuz also some of those people are not experiencing the same pain you did, but you will project that in order to have that push.
>> Yeah.
>> And what I'd like – if there was any gift I could give everyone in this room, I consider now chosen family or such beautiful people. You've gone day and night. You've been so beautiful for each other. It's been the middle of the night. You're – you're some of you at the middle of the afternoon. You started in the middle of the night. And the love you share and everyone in this room has been overwhelmingly beautiful, has it not? It's been – give it up for everybody. It's been so gorgeous.
>> [applause]
>> One that honestly took me a long time to get. I just love to remind myself at times, cuz if you're an achiever, you have this thing inside yourself where you push. Who can relate to the push?
>> Yeah.
>> Right? But sometimes transformation doesn't happen cuz you keep pushing, cuz anything you persist resists. Sometimes fighting reality that this is how it is guarantees pain. Reality doesn't mean you just have to accept it forever, but you have to accept this is how it is now. And then now what am I going to do with it? And the most important distinction is problems need energy to live. And some of you keep going back to that for energy you think to push forward because it's the only fuel you've had. And I'm just telling you what I did. I used my pain as the driving force. That's why freedom was the whole thing. I want to free everybody.
>> Yeah.
>> But you know, some people already free.
>> Yes.
>> Or some people don't want to free. They want to be in love. Or some people don't want to be in love. They just want compassion. Or some people don't want compassion. They just want to be playful. Some people just want to have a good time. They don't want to be free. I was projecting all of my pain onto everyone. And I did a lot of great work with that, but also I had an intensity where people were actually scared of me. No, no. Some of you may still be. And maybe you should be. I don't know. I'm going to say. But because there was never a moment where that intensity, that pressure stopped. So it was overwhelming.
>> Yes.
>> And so you can reach more people when you have more gears. You can reach more of your own true self when you tap [snorts] into more gears. That's one of the reasons I don't want you just using your warrior. Most of you in this room are good – who's strong warrior inside there, ladies and gentlemen? Yes. And so it's like – but, while my warrior got me to a certain level, my magician took me to a much higher level. My warrior's still there, can be used any time, but he's no longer overused and exhausted. And my lover's always been the source. And then, gradually, my sovereign started to guarantee a different level of balance, cuz there was no fear in the sovereign. There's no "Oh my god, I've got to do this." No, it's more like it's done. Now, let me go through the steps. And it's so much easier to deal with someone when you're in a place of ease
>> Yes.
>> than when you're in a place of force. Now, don't get me wrong, there's a place for all of these things. But, when you use one all the time, it wears you out. And that's usually because we made a decision a long time ago about something and we're still using that meaning and decision. And God's perspective of go – I mean, go is beautiful. But, maybe it's go, I mean, go with grace. Not that you don't have it already, but grace meaning ease.
>> Yes.
>> And wow, inviting people in as versus pushing. I think what we've done already is beyond commendable, it's beautiful.
>> Yes.
>> But, you have so much more ahead of you.
>> [music]
>> And so, this component of grace, this component of ease, this idea of elegance as we mature – it's the idea, how do I do more with less? But, as an achiever, I have to more, more, more, more all the time, otherwise, I'm not doing my part. And I have to remind myself of that because I have that gear very, very strong inside me. But, also, I noticed that some of the most powerful magic happens in those moments of ease. And I really want to invite all of you, my brothers and sisters, cuz I consider us all brothers and sisters on this path, to really be kinder to yourself because that'll make you kinder to others. You don't even know when you're not being kind. She's not being kind to herself while she's been on this mission. That's not to say you haven't been loving to yourself or – or acknowledge yourself. I'm not suggesting that. I'm talking about the kindness that allows ease to be in your body as a regular experience. Remember I said you'll know your true spiritual development when you can just be comfortable with who you are right now. That is not to say you don't want to create more, be more, do more, share more, but it's done from a place that – that you know it's guided, you know you're on the path, and you know you're doing it. And by the way, I want to remind you that distinction of the path, I only gave it to you one day. I hope you come back to that. If there's anything that's not where you want it to be – your body, your emotions, your relationship, your impact, the people you're reaching, what you're doing – you got to come back to the path. And the first step to knowing if you're on the path is do you have absolute clarity about what you really want now, not years ago. What you're capable of now, not years ago. And why? And sometimes the why now could shift from you – from the pain that was driving you to the joy you see now and those that have new opportunities and choices.
>> I have a bigger why.
>> Pardon me?
>> I have a bigger why.
>> That's beautiful.
>> Can I share it?
>> But does it – the – the question does it create ease in your body or does it create tension?
>> It creates ease.
>> Good. Let's hear it.
>> Tension comes from the
>> Remembering the past.
>> No.
>> What?
>> It doesn't. So, these kids come through these challenges and then they're not done because later they get cancer because of the treatments, and later they get kept out of work because people don't like the way they move or their scars or their challenges. And so what ends up happening is you're constantly in survival mode.
>> Yes.
>> But the reason that I want to share this with people is because here's the reality. The strongest 20% of our population are being kept out of the game, which is a disservice to all human beings. Just like Arizona
>> Yes.
>> is not as cold as Alaska.
>> I agree. Take one step backwards. I want you – you've been moving in a direction where it was. Now it's time to move where it is. So take a step back and take the vaccines out. And then take another step back and go, "No, not all the kids need to be in the movie business." In fact, almost nobody's in the movie business.
>> their stories told
>> doesn't matter. Take another step back and say, "Well, maybe all of them really aren't going to have this painful life you keep saying." Take another step back and consider the fact that some of them actually will experience more love than the average person because some will see that.
>> Yeah.
>> Take one more step back and say, "I got to stop being so certain about how it is because all I'm doing is creating more pain." And you can tell me otherwise, but your body language shows everyone in this room it's not true. Not – you've done anything wrong. That you deserve the next chapter, and you're smiling, but the tension is still there. The tension has to leave for you to get to your real purpose, but the tension can't leave as long as you hold all these beliefs. It's not that it's not so in some cases and in many cases. It's that by making it everyone, you're missing the beauty that's there and you're still having to push. And you don't have to. You can ignore what I've said and you keep doing what you're doing, but you're so certain in all the things that have been taken, cuz you know what you experienced and you see what others have experienced, but I will remind you that the entertainment business – there's 8 [snorts] billion people on the planet who are of various sorts of backgrounds and abilities and inabilities and so forth, and not even 0.00001 are in the entertainment business. So whether you get in that or not doesn't mean to the world. It means something to you, which is important. But you need to be able to create the – if you want to – that will create the easy road down when you're talking about this, cuz it's still not there. You're forcing these feelings. You're so used to forcing you don't even know when you're forcing.
>> Forcing a smile, yes.
>> Yes, ma'am. So great for you to see that, because I'm not – I'm on your side. Only reason I'm holding the ground here for you, the easy thing is go great. Let's give her a hand and move on. You're doing beautiful things. But because you're not the only one that does this, we all do this to some extent. And especially if we're achievers. Who can relate to this in some way within yourself? I'm inviting all of us, myself included, to say, "Hmm, maybe it isn't all life and death. Maybe it isn't all horrific pain or [music] not. Maybe there's many flavors along the way. My name may not – the way I see it is the only way. That doesn't keep me from still doing my work. It's just like, 'May- maybe maybe.'" Maybe is a good word. There's a great maybe story. I'm sure you've heard it. Let me remind you.
>> [laughter]
>> A farmer – a farmer is a very poor farmer. He lives in this little tiny acreage, and he can only raise so much food because he plows the thing himself every single day. He doesn't have the money for a horse. And [music] is has one son, so he and the son work very, very hard, and they try to barely get enough food made, enough that they can sell so they can buy food and have a quality life. And they really struggle. And then one day a wild horse wanders on to the farmer's land and just stands there and doesn't leave. And then all of a sudden the farmer says, "This – this horse is – is just standing here." And the son says, "This is amazing.
>> [music]
>> This horse is here. This is so beautiful." And pretty soon the neighbors come, and then they work with the horse, and they attach him to plow, and – and makes them generate all this additional food, more than enough – they were no longer surviving. And all of the neighbors come over and see this miracle that this wild horse out of nowhere came and just stayed right here. No one asked for it, it just happened. It's grace, it's unbelievable, it's luck. Everyone out there is like, "God's blessing you." Right? "This is such a blessing." And the farmer said, "Maybe." [music] "Maybe." "You're so blessed." "Maybe." Four days later, the horse leaves. And they're like – they just planted all this, and now they can't pick it up all in time. They need that horse, the horse is gone. And everyone comes over. And what do you think they said? "Oh my god, how could God give you this gift and then take it from you? So, this is horrible. This is – this is terrible. This is the worst thing that could ever happen. Almost [snorts] better that you never had the horse, cuz now you've had a taste of it and now there's such disappointment. I mean, this is horrible. This is a horrible situation. This is terrible." And the farmer said,
>> "Maybe."
>> "Maybe."
>> [music]
>> And people were confused. Five days later, the horse came back with two other horses. There's now three horses. All three horses stay. They start farming with the horses. They start generating food at a level they never have. They won't just subsist or survive. With three horses, they will be rich. They will be one of the richest of the entire community. And everyone gathers around and said, "How could we have doubted this? This is unbelievable. God has blessed you. We thought God abandoned you, but God blessed you. This is the most amazing thing. This thing we thought was so terrible turned out to be so beautiful. This – you have been so blessed." And the farmer says,
>> "Maybe."
>> And everyone's confused by that. [music] Two weeks later, the son is trying to work with one of the horses, break one of the horses, and the horse throws him and breaks his back. He can't walk. [clears throat] Neither of his legs will work. And now everyone comes to the farmer and says, "We thought you were blessed. You were about to be the wealthiest person. Now your son is in a wheelchair. He can't help you. I mean, maybe he'll heal someday, but you – you [music] you won't even have enough food as you did before. You don't even have your son now to be able to do this. God has taken away all the blessings to you. I don't understand what it is, what bad karma you must have. What's going on here? This is terrible. This is the worst thing that could ever happen." And the farmer said,
>> "Maybe."
>> And two weeks later, this little town is part of a small little country that goes to war with a much bigger country. They're outnumbered at least 20 to 1. They're tearing through troops like crazy, so they come and conscript every able-bodied man in every village to go to war, to a war they know they can't win.
>> [music]
>> And we're – people just coming back dying right and left, cuz they're so outnumbered. And of course they pass over this man's son, cuz he's not able-bodied. He's in a wheelchair. And people come afterwards and say, "All of our sons are gone. They're going to die. And your son is going to live. All this was God's grace so that your son could live. He'll be one of the fewest men left in all of our villages. You are so blessed. Your son is so blessed. Your life is so blessed." And the farmer said,
>> "Maybe."
>> And the story never ends.
>> [snorts]
>> But our problem is we decide what it means and hang on to it. And this was just a little exercise. Everyone's different. Some of you will love this one. Some of you not much out of this one. Some of you this was life-changing. Just an opportunity for you to go back and perhaps say "maybe" about what you were so certain about. Cuz you've been reinforced a lot.
>> Yes.
>> And the unfortunate thing about reinforcement is it shuts off our higher consciousness and makes us go into automatic drive, push. And then, by the way, we'll get reinforced for that too, cuz we're going to see the success, cuz you're a very smart and driven woman. You're going to do well no matter what. But we miss maybe the higher purpose because we decided too soon. [music] Just like I decided too soon what it meant when I was going to see Bruce Springsteen, or decided too soon when I went on that boat trip with my friend. Or young lady in the back may have decided too soon – before, not now – about what cold is. Perhaps – perhaps there's a much more beautiful way to live that we've not even considered because we pushed through so much pain. Perhaps today you can do more with your pinky than you can with your full force.
>> That's true.
>> I [music] know. But you need to remember that, not me. I already know it or I wouldn't be speaking. So how many would like to have some more maybes and a little more elegance in your life? Mhm.
>> I would.
>> Then make that choice right now. That's not to say you can't shift gears and use all the gears you want. Use them all. Again, the metaphor of the warrior, the metaphor of the elements. Can you be a wood and go into your water? Yes or no? Can you be a wood and go into your fire and just have a good time? Or your earth? Or your metal? Of course you can. The goal here was not to label ourselves. The goal is to notice what our current patterns are, and then expand our level of choice – with greater choices, you will make better choices. As long as you don't give yourself forever to decide. We do need a deadline. It's like the waitress asking you what you want. Some people they can't decide until it's the very last second. The waitress is losing their – over what do you want? And then they finally can tell you. Why wait? Just [music] make some nice elegant choices. That's what's about to happen. Give her a beautiful hand. Thank you, Elise.
>> [music] [music]