Transcription
What's going on, boys? Today we are talking about sorts of INFJs. In my experience, there are three sorts of INFJs, but there are also a few core concepts consistent among all three.
The first concept is ego. Everything comes back to ego with all sorts of INFJs. They like knowing people or groups cannot function without the INFJ's help. A common phenomenon among all sorts of INFJs is seeing a group of people who probably hate each other, with one INFJ in that group. Everyone looks down on everyone; thinks that INFJ is an idiot. But when you look at the group dynamic, that group couldn't function without the INFJ. Everyone goes to the INFJ with their problems; the INFJ sorts out all friction; and the INFJ stays in that group because they get off on it. They like knowing these people, these idiots, because the INFJs looking down on them can't function without them. Everyone seems to be looking down on the INFJ, when in reality the INFJ has everyone dancing on their palms and is quietly patronizing them. This leads into the second core concept: the pickup and the drop-off.
INFJs achieve that individual or group control by stepping in and giving the best they have. It's common for INFJs to seem like the best people in the world, starting out. Everything is great; how could you have met someone who is so on your wavelength, and they're just there for you? What you don't realize is they're doing that with everyone. You don't see it happening, but everyone around you is feeling that exact same thing. Then, once they have you where they want you, once they have the group where they want the group, once the INFJ is essential, comes the drop-off. That kindness, that quotes, is still there, but it is measured at the INFJ's convenience, because remember, they like feeling in control. But their method of control is controlling others' needs and desires. So once the INFJ has you where they want you, they will limit what they're giving you, because they already have control over you, and they like that feeling. What's more gratifying than feeding someone you look down on scraps, because they have no other option, and you orchestrated that entire situation?
That leads us into core concept three: how they maintain and lose that control. They are possibility-blind, and they wield their control like a game of poker. Nobody knows what anyone else has, and winning is a game of bluffing, for the most part, until they screw up a bluff and everything comes tumbling down. You'll notice INFJs hate sharing their ideas, especially in groups. They will thrive in anonymity, sharing their cores anonymously with strangers before they ever will with anyone they are supposedly close with. They don't like anyone seeing behind the mask unless there is no possibility what is behind the mask can be tied back to them. In the poker example, INFJs will wield their control by leading everyone to think they are either safe or less secure without the INFJ's help, but they'll never really know how much control they have. The INFJ won't, because it's all social, it's all mined, it's all bluffing. It's not all like NTJ control. NTJs, who do like control, will control people with logistics, and they'll know they have someone under their control because it's physical or financial or something like that. Their methods of control are visible; they are tangible; and if someone wants to break out of that control, there will be a struggle. There's no guessing; everything is spelled out; both parties understand what's happening in NTJ control. In NFJ control, nobody really knows how much control anyone else has, least of all the INFJ. So, because the INFJ is so good at bluffing, they will reach a comfortable level of control. They can get away with things because they're 99% certain everyone else in the room can't do anything about it. But because the INFJ is possibility-blind, they will overestimate themselves; they will overestimate their control, or they will underestimate others, and then the entire house of cards comes falling down. They didn't see that coming; everything's blown up; they need to get out. That's where the door slam comes in. They lost control, overestimated themselves, and can't do anything about it, and they want nothing else to do with it now. They just want to forget it.
So now we will get into the three sorts of INFJs, but keep in mind those core concepts are operating inside all three, and we are ranking these sorts of INFJs from least to most effective. First, we have the "Gimme" INFJs, or the dummy INFJs. You don't see these too often, but if you want to study INFJs, you'll need to study "Gimme" INFJs, because they might be the most honest looks into what's happening inside their heads. "Gimme" INFJs are INFJs who haven't ever needed to develop their functions, for whatever reason. These INFJs have never needed to develop their Fe; they've never needed to learn to make people like them; they have never needed to learn to think for themselves. They have, just for whatever reason, always been desirable. These INFJs are born wealthy, born connected, or born pretty, and the most honest ones are born all three. People want them as objects or as tools, so they always have people coming after them. Now, they aren't—well, they are stupid, but they aren't dumb, if that makes sense. Remember, those core concepts are still working behind the scenes. So people will come after them; they won't need to work to get in with people; they won't need to work to think; but they will be controlling people once they have them. They naturally become linchpins; they naturally become essential to other people, because other people want them. Now, this isn't to say all INFJs born with those three traits are born into that situation are "Gimme" INFJs. An INFJ with the drive to develop their functions, even when they don't need to, is admirable and dangerous. But you need to remember INFJs have blind spot Te; if they don't need to do something, they won't do it. This is why INFJs end up in shitty jobs forever; this is why INFJs tend never really to accomplish something unless they need to, which is why INFJs born with those three traits, born into that situation, end up with no style, with no skills, with no class. When they want something, when a "Gimme" INFJ wants something, they just say "Gimme," hence the name. They expect to be given things, because things are always given to them, and they haven't developed a tool set for acquiring this. This makes them annoying as people, because they're entitled, but valuable as subjects, because they don't mask their operations. They want gratification and control, and they won't disguise that fact, because they've never needed to. Every other sort of INFJ will develop 25 layers masking that fact. If you want to study INFJs without the layers of [____], you need to study the entitled ones. And to be clear, before we move on, what you're studying is the way "Gimme" INFJs spurg out when they can't get what they want, because they don't know how to. You might think, well, that's just what entitled people do, but that's what all INFJs do once those layers of masking go up in smoke, once they [____] up a bluff. Every INFJ will act like a "Gimme" INFJ when things are going wrong. That's why you're studying them.
Now we reach the mid-tier INFJ: the "I'm a deep thinker" INFJ, the "I style myself as a philosopher but can't think for myself" INFJ. I've noticed these tend to be Enneagram 4w5s or 1w9s. These are Ti-preferring INFJs to the extreme. They are rigid. They have Fe, but Fe acts as more of a sensor or a hidden knife they pull when they need it than a guiding force. And with Ti over-reliance comes absolute possibility blindness, or even possibility terror. They like things being as spelled out as possible; they like crystallizing information, because the more quotes objective something can be, the less wrong things are, or the less wrong things can go. These deep thinker INFJs are the ones who tend to attach themselves to NFPs. Most all NFJs usually will have an attraction to NFPs, but deep thinker INFJs really like NFPs, because NFPs, especially ENFPs, are that chaos for them. And you would think, well, if these deep thinker INFJs hate when things are wonky, things aren't clear, why would they want an NFP, chaotic person, around? Well, it's because they can see it. This NFP will be their locus of chaos, and they can control them. That's where the Fe comes in. If the INFJ can control the NFP, they can control anything. And for INFJs, ENFPs are pretty easy to control. ENFPs go by appearances; if something seems a way for them, it is that way, and that's all it is. So deep thinker INFJ will put themselves around the ENFP and just be themselves, or be on their thinking [____], and the ENFP will think, "Man, INFJ, you are smart; you're the smartest person I've ever seen." And the INFJ will go, "I'm not that smart," and the NFP will go, "No, no, dude, really, you're the smartest person ever." And that's gratifying for the deep thinker INFJ, because remember, for INFJs, things, everything is self-styling and appearances. So having someone around to gratify them that way, in the way they want to be gratified, feels good, but it also gives them control over what they're terrified of. If I can control a conduit of fear, then I can control anything, and the gratification doesn't hurt. What's important to note about these sorts of INFJs is they refine ideas for themselves; they don't create them. So they will attach themselves to a particular philosopher or a leader, absorb all the information they can, then sharpen those ideas down to the finest point possible and live by them as rigidly as possible. When they create ideas, that process will happen as a result of negotiating their ideas with others, rather than creating for themselves or adapting for themselves. Everything with deep thinker INFJs, in terms of idea creation, is going back and forth between multiple people until they find a happy middle ground, never straying too far from their favorite living or dead idea totem. What you're learning from deep thinker INFJs is their thought process: they need others first, and they need others going forward, for the most part. They can't think in a vacuum. You're also learning how they process fear: they fear possibilities, so they think they can avoid possibilities by centralizing all those possibilities, all that chaos, into one node, one person, then controlling that person and everyone around that person. In terms of effectiveness, they are pretty effective. They can think their way into becoming necessary to people, or at least to particular ENFPs or linchpins in an operation where they fall apart is combating INTJs. Deep thinker INFJs really hate INTJs, usually, and most INTJs really hate deep thinker INFJs. So, firstly, they will come into combat when the INFJ, the deep thinker INFJ, is coming at someone hard, not the INTJ. INFJs usually have enough sense not to open their mouths around people who could cause them problems, but the INTJ will see the deep thinker INFJ thinking to someone who is supportive of the INFJ, and then the INTJ will insert themselves. Because deep thinker INFJs are operating almost 100% on Ni and Ti, INTJs, most of them, are operating 100% on Ni-Fi. So these are two child functions, and with child functions, they operate like children; they aren't professional; they aren't particularly structured; they try to be, but they aren't. So they come to blows with each other. The INFJ thinks, "I've thought this through; these philosophers, these thinkers, these leaders have thought this through; I'm right; INTJ, you're just a dumb ass who's too egotistical and stuck on themselves." The INTJ, on the other hand, will think, "I'm an individual; I have developed my own morals, my own principles, over a long time; my morals are flawless; this is the way everyone should live, and you, INFJ, deep thinker INFJ, one, you're stupid; two, you're manipulative, because now that we are coming to blows, I can see that Fe coming out." And INTJs tend really to hate Fe; it's their blind spot function. So with most people, and with keen INFJs and especially ENFJs, they won't notice it; they are blind to Fe. But because deep thinker INFJs are so stuck on Ti, when their Fe comes out, it's clumsy, and the INTJ can see it coming from a mile away, and that makes them hate them even more. And the same thing happens with the deep thinker INFJ; they are blind to Te. So when they see that Te coming out, and to the INFJ it'll look like, okay, so I just destroyed this INTJ with facts and logic, which is what the INTJ thinks of the INFJ, the INTJ is now unleashing that Te and trying to be a bully. They will both accuse each other of being narrow-minded and egotistical, and they both will be right about each other. Thankfully, I have no dog in that fight; it's fun watching INFJs and INTJs stab each other to death, because I am not the biggest fan of Ni as a function, or either of those two types, and it's fascinating to watch the ways once that arms race kicks off. The INFJ will turn, or try to turn, everyone in the INTJ social group against them, and the INTJ will try to use any method of logistical control or dominance over the INFJ, and neither of them will see it happening, because their attacks, Fe and Te, are in each other's blind spots. So neither will realize how [____] they are fighting each other until it's—until it's all just a big mess. The INFJ will be like, "Nobody even likes them," and they don't even realize it, and the INTJ will be like, "I'm destroying all the INFJ's opportunities," and they don't even realize it. And in the end, it doesn't matter, because the INTJ really doesn't care how people feel about them, and it doesn't matter to the INFJ, because they weren't going to take those opportunities anyway.
So now we come into the third sort of INFJ, and far and away the most effective: these are the Satan INFJs, INFJs who have needed to struggle in their lives, needed to develop all their functions rather well. These INFJs are the most insidious, because you won't see them coming until it's too late. With "Gimme" INFJs, you'll see them from a mile away, because this idiot is just making demands; they're making demands, and they have nothing to bargain with, or at least nothing you want; you see it happening. With deep thinker INFJs, you can tell this person thinks they're a lot smarter than they actually are. With Satan INFJs, they won't come across as any one easily definable thing in terms of appearance and operation. They are the most varied; they can look like anyone; they can act like anyone; they can think anything. Remember, the core concepts are still acting; they're still there; those are the things they want, but you won't know you have an INFJ going after you until they're already in, and at that point you're [____]. You thought this person was on your wavelength, and they're not like anyone you've ever met before, especially if you're an Si user, because with Si we tend to categorize sorts of people in terms of if they're doing this, they are like this, or they want this. With Satan INFJs, because they are so different from one another, you'll just think this person is a unique, friendly person who understands you. They don't seem like anyone else you've ever met, until you have run into a few [Music] INFJs and you can see what's happening, even though they don't appear that way. The point to keep in mind with them is they are trying to get in with you; it doesn't matter how they do it, only that they get in. So a Satan INFJ could be a weedy little nerdy person, and you'll think, "Oh, this little loser is non-threatening; so the loser doesn't know what's going on; I need to protect them; I need to look out for them; I need to help; I want to help this person; they just seem so helpless." Then they're in. Or maybe they come across as the cool, aloof, disconnected, mysterious person who, for whatever reason, decides to give you the time of day and takes a particular interest in you, and you feel special. "Wow, this person is so fascinating; why are they with me? Why are they interested in me? That's crazy." And then they have you. Or a young up-and-coming type person on the grind who has suffered the same things you have. It seems like this person knows exactly where I'm coming from; in fact, it's like they're articulating the things I've been thinking and feeling before I say them, better than I could ever hope to. "I need this person around me; I need their insight." Then they have you. And that—the ability to articulate what you're thinking without your needing to say it—is actually an ability unique to Satan INFJs; I haven't seen it in any other type or any other type variation, and it's so insidious because you won't realize it's happening. Right, you walk around thinking or feeling you're misunderstood. "Why can't anyone understand what you're saying, no matter how hard you try to explain it?" So when an INFJ says what you're thinking and gets it, one, you feel understood; that's not normal; that feels good. But two, you don't realize it's a power, because you're already thinking what you're thinking. You're so caught up in, "Why doesn't anyone understand the things you're saying?" You don't realize this person just read your mind, because to you, what you're saying seems obvious; people should just get it, but most people don't. And it's not that the INFJ understands or cares about what you're thinking; they just got a damn good read on you before anyone else did and said it, because what you're thinking seems obvious to you, and everyone else should just understand it. You don't realize that this individual's ability to understand is an ability, not a given. It's tricky; you won't realize it's happening unless you are trained to look out for it. Then, once this INFJ of variable shape and size has you, they can wield those core concepts over you better than anyone else, because they are a drug to people. They are so good at understanding and relating to people; once you have tasted them and you've accustomed yourself to them, you'll struggle living without them, and that is exactly what they want. They want you to need them; then they will deprive you. Once they have you that way, Satan INFJs are the most brutal about this. Once they have you, they will move you from the person they're targeting—which is when they're targeting you, they will give you the most understanding, the most care, the most attention. They will categorize you into one of their "I need this person for this sort of thing" groups, and they will give you as much as they think they need to give you to keep you needing them, but no more. These INFJs are so good at this; in fact, they will end up INFJing other INFJs, and they will stick them into their "people who control people" category, and they will control huge groups of people using people who control groups of people. But their effectiveness and their confidence—the confidence that comes with that effectiveness—is also their Achilles' heel. Because remember, INFJs wield no real logistical control over people; everything is social; everything is poker; everything is bluffing. And when one of these Satan INFJs gets too confident, gets too cocky, they bluff too hard; everything goes wrong, and their entire lives explode all at once. Because once they have you, they are the most blatant about what they're doing; they know they have you so hard, because they give you exactly what you need; you're addicted; you're a junkie; you are addicted to them, so they can treat you almost however they want. They are, in this sense, the opposite of the "Gimme" INFJs. "Gimme" INFJs, you see what they're doing from a mile away, and you know not to engage them on any level, because it's worthless and you're above that. But with Satan INFJs, they lull you into a false sense of confidence, into a false sense of happiness, and then they pull up the curtain and reveal you're in a cell. They're blatant about it at that point, and that's too much for most people. In the sense, once they—the INFJ reveals what's happening, the person can't break out, but some can, and some will, especially INTJs. This is another instance: the INTJ, or even an ENTJ—if the ENTJ gets caught in it, which is less common because blind spot really is blind—demon can see it happening but won't know what to do about it and will just hate it. ENTJs are less likely to get caught; INTJs will get caught, but once they do, and once the INFJ, the Satan INFJ, pulls up the curtain and tries to be cocky about what's happening, the INFJ or the INTJ just goes nuclear, and everything breaks at that point. That is a Satan INFJ's Achilles' heel: their own arrogance mixed with their own inability to problem-solve. When things break, it's easier just to slam the door on everyone than try to fix something they screwed up or to own up to their own mistakes. So what you're learning from Satan INFJs varies depending on your type. For all types, what you want to learn is not to let anyone control your happiness. It's okay, I think, to like people, to feel better than you've ever felt with other people, individuals, but always keep an escape.
Pod ready. Never put all your eggs in one basket; because once you do, if you're unlucky enough to have ended up in in a satan infj's web, you're screwed. You can get out, but it'll hurt.
The second thing to learn is to be aware of the effect other people are having on you, especially positive effects. Right people tend to focus on and analyze the negatives, but you need to pay attention to the positives. If you don't, someone will get you.
The third thing you're learning from them, if you're an fe type, is how to mind read. If you can help people articulate the things they're feeling, they will like you more. That's something almost entirely exclusive I've seen with mv types. No one will ever be able to mind read better than a high-functioning infj, but you don't need to be that exact to get a similar effect. As long as someone feels comfortable enough with you to share what they think, what they feel, as long as you [Music] try to relate with them in authentic ways, or if you can't do that, at least be non-judgmental, the way satan infjs are or appear to be. Appear to be. People will like you more. Not saying you should be trying to control people, but I am saying that is a useful skill you can learn from them. If you happen to meet one, you'll pick it up pretty quickly.
The fourth thing you're learning from them sort of goes hand in hand with the first two, but question everyone and everything. Because satan infjs are so varied, their approaches, their strategies to get inside you, inside your head, are so different individual to individual, although the end result is the same. You need to question everyone at all times, or at least maintain healthy suspicion. Keep those escape pods ready. Never invest in anyone too much.
The fifth and final thing you're learning from them is how to invest in people without 100% investing in them. Infjs are good at this, but they're hard to dislike. They are so good at what they do [Music] you'll struggle disliking them, even when you see what they're doing. What you need to do is adapt their strategy. You need to learn to let people in enough to enjoy, enjoy time with them, enjoy them as people without letting them into your control center. They are masters of this; they do it naturally. Other people don't. And this is a ha, it's, it sounds cynical maybe, but it is a healthy, happy living strategy, I think. The ability to befriend people, to negotiate with people, to navigate life with others while maintaining your own agency. Fi types, ironically, will be able to do this naturally, effortlessly, because they just don't care about other people on that level. But if you're an fe type, maintaining real agency is difficult. High-functioning, well-developed infjs have seemingly figured out how to do it while getting the most out of being among people and being alone among people. That's something worth learning from them.
So those were the three core concepts infjs seem to want in the end, regardless of sort. Those were the three sorts of infjs ordered from least to most effective, and those were some things you can learn from each sort of infj. Infjs are worth studying to a point. There's a point you should just stop because it becomes pointless. There will always be more to study; there will always be contradictions all the way down. But past a point you've learned all you'll really need; you don't need anymore. But that about rippity wraps this one up. I hope you enjoyed watching, so I certainly enjoyed making it. My cortisol levels are high; I'm stressed. I'm trying to figure out a way to make a video categorizing your life into chapters based on the primary emotion you feel in those chapters, but that's difficult to do. I'll figure out how to do it. Focus on other things in the meantime, like if you enjoyed, because it helps me out a lot, subscribe if you haven't, because we do this [ __ ] sometimes, and comment your thoughts, because I love hearing from you. What are your thoughts on infjs? What are your thoughts on the sorts of infjs? What have you, what do you know about infjs you think other people should know, or anecdotes, experiences? I'm curious to hear them. But thanks again for watching everybody, really. We have a lot of fun on this channel, so much fun in fact, what do I have in my room today? [Music] You could fill up a mini fridge, which is unpowered, with it, because many fridges are good storage shelves when they're unpowered. There's a lot of space in there. That's how much one we can have, that's how much we can have on this channel, and I look forward to doing this with you guys again in the future.