[Tony Robbins] Mastering Influence Day 2: The Science of Persuasion "Why We Buy"

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Well hello and welcome back. Welcome back to session number two, or day number two. And I hope you're as excited as I am, because as you've seen or heard so far, this is some really powerful stuff that's really going to change your ability to influence people.

Now, you may be an overachiever, like I said before, and you may have jumped ahead and popped in the next recording. And, and that's great if you did. That's outstanding. I got a simple question for you, though. Did you do your assignment? Did you come up with some compelling reasons to follow through? If you did, that's absolutely awesome. Congratulations. But if you didn't, I'm going to ask you, as a matter of fact, I'm going to insist that you shut the recording off right now and go back and do the assignment. It's very, very important because, remember, knowledge is not power. Learning something isn't all there is to it. Doing something about it literally puts it in your nervous system so that it becomes part of who you are, and you will more automatically do the things that you need to do. And also, what we're going to talk about next relates to the assignment.

Now, the truth is, people don't act unless they feel some kind of pressure to do so. In other words, people will not buy your product or service, or do their homework, or take out the trash, or do whatever it is, unless they feel some sort of pressure to do so, or some sort of pressure to buy. Now, there's two kinds of pressure. There's external pressure, and that's obviously created from the outside, maybe by a salesperson or some sort of outside influence. And then the second type of pressure is internal pressure, and that's created from some innate desire to do something, or have something, or be something. Now, which one do you think is the most powerful? Well, if you guessed internal, then you're right. Internal pressure is much more powerful, and it's a much more powerful motivator, if you will, than external pressure. With internal pressure, people buy for their reasons, and they believe that they are the source of that pressure. They're also much more likely to follow through and feel good about doing it. Said differently, they're more likely to do it automatically.

Now, what would it mean to your income, or your quality of life, or your happiness, your success, or whatever, if you could learn to consistently create strong internal pressure in your customer, or your kids, or your spouse, or whoever it is that you're influencing? Well, I'm glad you asked. Let's find out. Here's Tony.

So, what really makes people buy? Commercials are a billion-dollar business. They really affect the way we think, what we buy, what we eat, what we wear. They're the primary source of influence in our society. Many people believe, maybe even more than our schooling system. The average child today, by the time they're 18 years old, have spent more time in front of a television set, being exposed to these programming devices or these selling devices, than they have literally been in school itself. So, it might be useful to see, for organizations to spend that much money and time, what do they believe the process of influence really is? What is the science of persuasion? And I'm here to tell you that it's not probably what you and I were traditionally taught. Traditional sales taught me, at least, that what you're supposed to do is find somebody's needs, and of course, you knew what those were before you arrived. And what you're supposed to do is fill those needs, and by filling those needs, the customer would buy. That's true, and it's not true. Like a lot of things in life, maybe it's not quite as black and white as that.

I would say to you that people don't really buy needs per se. At least, that's not what they buy first. What people really buy are wants. Think about it. There are a lot of needs people have, but they still don't do anything about it. We don't do anything about it till we really want something, till we're motivated. I believe that selling is the process of motivation. That literally, if you watch a commercial, it is a motivational device designed to influence your behavior, and is extremely successful. That's why they run them over and over and over again.

All of these things have one thing in common that I want you and I to really take a look at, and that is: How long does it really take to influence people? And what is the actual process in reality compared to what you and I have been taught? Because there is a rather big difference. And that big difference, I think, is seeing that influence happens in a moment. It doesn't happen through a 45-minute sales presentation. It's like all those things in the sales presentation set up a moment or two where a person all of a sudden links up in their head that this is something they really want desperately, that it relates to a deep desire, and they can justify it. And those are the two elements we're going to talk about: how to build tremendous want for your product, and how to be able to let people, now that they want them, be able to justify getting it. And I'll remind you of this, and we'll probably say this a lot: If you get people to want something bad enough, they'll usually find a way to justify it with just a little bit of help from you.

So, what is the process? What makes us not only buy, but literally do anything? The answer is really simple. Every everything we do, we do for a reason or a series of reasons. But what kind of reasons do we use? The primary motivating factor behind all human behavior is the desire to avoid pain and the desire or need to gain pleasure. Those two twin forces are what drive all human behavior. Everything you do is some description or some outlay of that particular idea.

I want to take something simple. Ladies in the audience, raise your hand if you're wearing makeup. Come on, raise your hand. Me, notice. Oh, good. Now, I got a question for you. Why are you wearing makeup today? Did you wake up this morning and think to yourself, "God, I love this process. I just can't wait to put this stuff on"? I doubt it. But how many of you woke up this morning and you didn't really want to put on your makeup? It was early, or coming to class, but you decided, "Well, I'm going to put it on because by putting it on, what it would mean to me is, you know, I feel better about myself," or "What it means is people will feel more attracted to me," or "Think I look better." How many of you did it for that reason? And how many of you, though, didn't do it for those reasons? You, you thought, "I don't want to do this." In fact, you thought, "How come men don't have to do this?" You know? But you thought, "Ah, I better do it because if I don't, somebody's going to say, 'What happened to your face?'" How many did it for that reason? Come on.

So, we do things in life for one of two reasons. We either do it to gain pleasure, or avoid pain. And sometimes, obviously, a combination of the two. But those are the twin forces of motivation for all human behavior. So, if you and I want to persuade someone of anything, we have to understand that people don't just do things because we tell them to. People do things for reasons. In other words, people have to associate the action of buying to creating tremendous pleasure, and the action of not buying to creating pain. That is the master formula to persuasion.

Traditionally, what people think of is, even if they think of selling as something like motivation, they try and get somebody really pumped up and they say, "You know, gosh, if you get this, you'll get all these benefits." But I'm here to tell you that you can't just have somebody motivated out of their desire to want. You've also got to have them associate, in their mind, actually feel that not buying would be painful. What do I mean, painful? That they would be missing something, that they would be losing, that they would be alone. Any emotional wound or hurt? Because I want you to know this, and I know this sounds horrible, but I believe the best study of life is how it is, not how we think it should be. And the best study of life is this, in my opinion, in everything that I've researched or studied: People will do more to avoid pain than they will ever do to get pleasure.

I'll give you a classic example. Which are you more motivated to do? Save $1,000, or keep someone from stealing $1,000 that's in your pocket? I would suggest to you that for most people, they're going to try and hang on to what they've got. They're going to try and avoid what they would consider to be losing or pain.

So, what we're going to talk about then is, how can we create these twin motivations happening? And do it with integrity, and doing it with elegance. I'm not talking about manipulating somebody or lying to them or showing them something that's not there. I'm talking about assisting them in getting what they want by utilizing the most powerful force within them for creating change.

Now, when I'm talking about this, what we're really talking about then, in terms of emotions, is we're talking about consequences. You and I, as salespeople, as persuaders, must sell consequences. Positive consequences if someone does well, in other words, the heaven if you do. And negative consequences if they don't. Now, we can't be so blatant to come out and just say that, because if you just come out and say that, the prospect will go, "You're just trying to sell me." So, there is a process to get to this point. Obviously, one, prospects can have some questions in their mind. Question number one, they're probably going to have is, "Do you really have their best interest in mind? Can they trust you? Are you here just to make a sale? You know, can, when you say something, is it, you know, being filtered through your needs and desires, or is it really about them?" And that's why, when we get into the actual step-by-step sales process, I'm going to teach you 10 steps to sales mastery. And of course, one of those will be able to create that incredible bond where people know who you are, that you're not just some person popping around here who just kind of cramming a sale, but you're a professional who definitely cares. And if you can't meet their needs, you're not going to. You're going to get a great referral and help somebody you can help and make a great friend in the process. And if they get that and know that, that'll eliminate that first question.

The next questions they're going to have in their mind are, "Well, you know, what is this? What's in it for me?" And what has to happen for them to get persuaded is, they must link in their mind, or associate, they're going to get what they want most in the world through this product. Let me give you an example then. If I said to you, "Would you please go jump off a cliff?" What are you going to do? Well, probably, unless you're in a deep trance, you'll probably say, "What are you crazy? I'm not going to do this." Why not? There's only one reason. You associate to jumping off a cliff negative consequences, pain, a form of pain like death, for example. And so, sure enough, you're not going to go for it.

If you had some ultimate man or woman in your mind, mine, and I said, "Would you please go kiss that person?" How many of you people want to do it? Let me see your show of hands. There, come on, raise your hand. I see. Make sure you're paying attention here. Good. The bottom line is, the reason you will do that is you would associate what to it? Pleasure. Now, if I said, "I want you to kiss them," and but while you're there, your spouse is right next to you watching very closely. Now you got another association. My point is, the meaning of whether it's going to mean pain or whether it's going to mean pleasure will determine how you're going to behave. But here's what's interesting: Meaning is something that's learned. We've learned to link or associate certain feelings to certain situations. For example, how many of you like to have, let's say, a Mercedes-Benz? How many of you like to have one of those? Ah, quite a few of you. Good. Question: Why do you want a Mercedes-Benz? Why do you want one? Think about it. And the answers I usually get are things like, "Well, um, because, you know, it's it's the best, and I'm the best, so I want the best." Or somebody will say something like, "Well, because the feeling it'll give me." Or somebody, they'll say, "Well, cuz it's good transportation, right?" The reality is, people don't buy needs. When you go to buy a Mercedes, you're not buying because you need a Mercedes. Now, the truth is, if you want something bad enough, it becomes a need, doesn't it? But the point is, that a person buys a Mercedes. Now, not all people want them, by the way. You didn't all raise your hands. Some people don't. They go, "What are you stupid? I wouldn't want a Mercedes. I want a Hyundai." Why? "Because, I mean, for that Mercedes, I could have 16 Hyundais, right? I mean, why would I do that? That would be stupid."

Now, one person would not buy a Mercedes because they associate buying a Mercedes is wasteful, it's stupid, which are forms of words we might call painful. Does that make sense? We have different words for pain. There are different levels of pain. Pain could be physical pain, it could be humiliation, it could be pain of frustration, it could be the pain of inconvenience. And some are more painful than others. That person links having a Mercedes would mean, you know, having this big payment, let's say, and that inconvenience and hassle, or it'd be not being intelligent, be wasteful. So they're not going to do it. They're going to do Hyundai because what do they want? They want a feeling of being intelligent. Okay. The person who wants a Mercedes, they got a whole different thing. They want prestige, they want knowing they're the best, they want other people to notice, they want status, let's say.

So, my point is this: that in selling, we cannot just assume we know what's going to be painful for one person and pleasurable for another. The part of the process of selling, obviously, then, is finding out that person's beliefs and values. Finding out what do they link to things. See, when you walk in the room, and if you introduce yourself and say, "Hi, I'm a salesperson," guess what? Boom. Instantly, a lot of people have certain states they associate to sales people that are less than pleasurable. They may associate salesperson equals pushy person who doesn't care and tries to manipulate me. And no matter who you are, immediately they got that feeling, and they want to avoid being around you. So, it's not personal, right?

What you got to do, though, is change what people associate in order to change their behavior. So, if you're trying to market a a particular product, let's say, for example, I bought recently a, um, BMW. And the reason I did it is, first, first of all, I needed a new car. No, I had a Mercedes-Benz, and, you know, I've had it for a while, and I was kind of bored with it, and, you know, time was up on it. I had a lease on it. And I thought, "Well, I need to go get a new car." So I went to a Mercedes-Benz dealership, walked on in, looked at the car. Same car. There was nothing really different on it, in my opinion, for me. I just didn't feel different to me. So I didn't feel any new wants being triggered. Are you following me? There was nothing there. It's like the same car, a little bigger engine, everything else, and it's going to cost me $20,000 more. So, what am I associating to this? I'm associating more pain to buying than not buying. And you might want to make a note of that: If a person does not buy, it's really simply because of this: They associate more pain to buying than not buying. And if a person does buy, it's because they associate much more pleasure to buying than not buying. Buying means pleasure, not buying means pain. That's how to get someone to buy. Buying means pain, and not buying means pleasure is a way to make sure they do not follow through. Are you following me on these?

So, here I go, and I go to the dealership, and there's no want in me. I don't have a need, I don't have a pain, I don't have a problem to solve. I already have this car. I'm already satisfied. And what I'd like you to realize is that in order to get someone to do anything, in order to motivate them, what you really got to be able to do is get them to a point where they're dissatisfied with the way things are. I mean, think about it. If somebody is overweight and they're not changing it, it's because they're not dissatisfied enough. Your job and my job in working with people is to find out what are their strong wants, show them they're not getting it, so they get dissatisfied enough, they feel a little hurt. They go, "Gosh, I really do want this. I really do want to be thin. I really do want to have something that's the best." And it becomes so strong that now they're compelled to really make a change, that is, make a purchase, that is, do something about it. See, if somebody just stays overweight, it's because no one has come in there and heard them.

I believe, and I know this doesn't sound great, it may sound like, if you know me, different than how I think, but again, I think this is really the truth: That selling is the process of finding people's pain, disturbing them, stirring up their pain, making them feel the hurt, and then healing it through new sets of choices, usually in the form of your products or services. It's a hurt them and heal them business. If you doubt it, watch a commercial.

The point is, that is the process. I call it the Dickens pattern, if you will. I believe that selling is a great deal of the Dickens pattern. In other words, think about it. You saw the movie or read the book, hopefully, Christmas Carol. What happened? We had a guy, we had a prospect here who had no need, right? He made it clear, "I don't need to have this experience of being with other people. I don't need, let's say, the product was giving. I don't need to have any of this giving stuff. Bah, humbug." So, that's probably the toughest client you're going to have, isn't it? Somebody has says, "I have no need." Up front, they don't even want to hear your presentation. "Stay away from me." How do you deal with that kind of person? Answer: Well, we're going to go through a detailed process, but the general answer is this: Number one, you got to find out enough about that person to find a problem that they have. You got to find a hurt. You got to find out what is something they want, but they're not getting. And they may say that there's nothing. But do you know a person alive who is without something that they want that they're not getting? If you really, really probe and look. So you got to find number one, a deep want or interest. And then number two, you got to disturb them. And number three, you got to show them how to solve it by using your product.

Think about how they did it in A Christmas Carol. "I have no need. I don't have the thing forgiving." Well, what happened is, these good salesmen arrived that evening, and what they did is they disturbed this man, didn't they? They showed up, and what they did is they made it really real to him that not having this product called giving in his life was going to create tremendous pain in his past, that had already had, in the present, right now, and in the future. Now, did they make this up? No. What they did was they asked him to go and have an experience. And we're going to show you how to do that in the selling process, how to get people to actually experience something they may not have been paying attention to. He was having pain, but he wasn't feeling it. So, what these sales, these master salesmen, these ghosts, did is they came in and they opened the wound, and they stirred him up. They made him hurt. They disturbed him, and they got him so disturbed that he was motivated to change. And motivating, once somebody's motivated to change, the rest is easy. All you do is offer them a choice, and they're excited, and they go for it. That's the process as I perceive selling.

And what you might want to write in your notes is this: That an undisturbed prospect will not buy. That you need to make sure this person is disturbed. Now, disturbed doesn't mean negative. I give an example. I was telling you about my 750iL. Let me finish the story for you. I go there. What happened? I was undisturbed. Are you following me? I went there, and having this car, it's not that much of a difference. So I didn't, I didn't have a want. And the challenge that most salespeople run into is, number one, they treat everybody like they have the same wants, instead of finding out what is this person's real deep wants or interests. And everybody's got one. Everybody's got a want of interest, and they've got some aspect of it that's not being fulfilled. See, I'm here to tell you, people don't buy needs, they buy wants. Wants. That's what they buy. And by the way, you go, "That's terrible. As a salesperson, I only want to sell what people really need." Their wants are needs for people. Those are the real needs. If all people ever did was buy what they needed, then we would be in a very deep depression, because if you think about most the purchases you make, I doubt very seriously if they're all really necessities.

So, let's be salespeople. Let's be persuaders. By understanding that persuasion is not closing somebody. If you're having to close somebody hard at the end, it says one thing to me: You haven't motivated them enough up front. You haven't created enough want. So, let's write some definitions here. One: What is persuasion? Persuasion is the process of getting your customer to clearly associate their most desired feelings or states to your product or service. So, I'll say that again: Persuasion is the process of getting your customer to clearly associate their most desired feelings or states to your product or service. In other words, what we're saying here is, if we want somebody to buy, we got to get them to link to our product the feelings they want most, and we've got to make it compelling and very real for them.

And the second aspect of selling is, we must get these people to associate not buying. In other words, if their association is, "If I don't buy, it's going to mean pain. I'm going to miss this opportunity. I'm going to miss out on being able to use this right now. Someone else is going to have something I don't have." Now, you say, "Well, this sounds very status-oriented." I've just used these because they're humorous examples. But do it also happened on other elements, things that aren't so status-oriented. Think about it. What motivates all of your purchases? What's motivated you in the past? I'd like you right now, just for a moment, to stop and think about a purchase that you've made recently. Think of something you've purchased, not a major purchase, maybe. Did you buy it because it was a need, really? Or was it more 'cause you really wanted it, and then it became a need? You began to justify it as a need. What really has motivated you? See, when I think about the things that I've done, I can see that there are certainly necessities that I purchase, but the purchases that I'm actively involved in, or where I've been, my want has been stirred up, and I didn't know there was a want before.

So, I want you to really think about what was a time when you really wanted something, but you didn't follow through. And I would say to you that the difference here is, you had reasons to buy emotionally, but you couldn't justify it logically. Let me give you what I think the selling process looks like then. I think it looks like this: That whether we buy or not comes down to this. If we got ourselves a little weighing device, a teeter-totter, if you will. I'm saying that what's happening all the time, we're measuring. If we're getting motivated, we're now, let's say, fairly motivated to buy, and we've got a lot of reasons to buy. What I call emotional reasons to buy. Is we want to get people not only emotional reasons to buy, but emotional reasons to buy. Now, you might want to call that Urban. What I'm looking for when I want to sell someone is, I want to find out what are the emotional reasons why they should buy right now. That's the first thing I'm digging for. And I will tell you, the emotional reasons to buy now is, I'm looking for a want, and I'm looking for the hurt in it. I want to make sure that they feel that. I want to put a boulder on their decision-making process, so they have this big giant boulder here as reasons to buy, so they're motivated. I want to get them stirred up. Now, they're weighing that against something I call dominant reasons to avoid buying. We call it DRAB. Urban and DRAB here, which are usually fears. And the fear is that if I buy, it's going to mean pain. You know, it's going to mean hardship for me financially. Or if I buy, maybe it's not worth it. Or if I buy, maybe it doesn't really produce the result that was promised to me. Or if I buy, what if other people judge me for buying this? And they think I'm being extravagant, or they think I'm being dumb, or they think, you know, whatever they think, but I'll be rejected because of it. Or what if I buy, but I don't really need it now?

So, what's happening is, people, people have certain fears. And what's going to determine which thing they do, whether you buy or whether you not buy, is going to be based simply on one thing. If we had, let's say, a scale here, and up here is buy, down here is not buy. What's going to happen is, we need to make sure that we stack this side. We got to give people enough reasons to buy. But again, the reasons need to be emotional, and they need to be their reasons, not yours. And that's the common challenge that most sales people have. Most sales people, we do is we try and sell what we love about our product, instead of finding out what this person would really love about her product.

Now, often times, what happens is, we're in a balancing act called indecision. Have you ever been there? It's like, "God, you really want something, and but you got these fears." And what you are, is you're right here in the middle. You know, you can't, they're kind of balanced out of each other. The way to handle this is twofold. The way to kick somebody over the edge, and I hope you'll remember this, because this is the foundation of effective selling and closing: If somebody's on the edge, and you've got a certain amount of want, you know, and you got a certain amount of concerns, well, you've got to do is you got to put this thing in the kilter. And the quickest way to do that is not to give people necessarily more information, but to actually create more hurt. What I mean by creating more hurt is ask them questions like this gentleman did with me with my 750iL. Ask them questions that, you know, based on their beliefs and values, will kick them over the edge. See, when he said to me, "Hey, you know, you can do whatever you want to do, but from what I know about you, and what you've told me, driving something you think is second best is not going to make you feel the way you want to feel, and it's not worth a few extra dollars, is it?" What he did is he made this boulder, by making it hurt, he made it heavier, and immediately started to drop down. This goes up, and I bought. Does that make sense to you?

The second thing, then, is if you've done a lot of that, and still isn't happening, you've got to add something else. And something else is, you've got to add another boulder, which is the logical reasons to buy. Now called LURBON. L-U-R-B-O-N. So we've got Urban, LURBON, and DRAB. Now, what we're talking about here is, is we got to have some logical reasons. And notice that can be a smaller boulder. This thing can be on the edge, where all you do is add a little bit of logic, and that's just enough to all a sudden kick it over the balance point, where that person shoots up, and now they buy. And that's how I see selling happening.

So, in order for somebody to buy, and your notes, the thing they need is, they need a great deal of want or hurt. And again, hurt is not negative. Stirring up the hurt is not negative. The United States of America is here because we got motivated, because somebody did something that we felt hurt about. We felt hurt enough that we did something about it. We didn't just sit on our tails and say, "Well, keep on doing that. Taxation without representation is fine with us." We got upset. We got a little disturbed. We got motivated, and it changed our behavior. We got persuaded to change by the environment itself. So, make sure that you have hold hurt in a positive way, okay? Because what you get to be, your job is a healer of hurt. The hurt is always there for you to feel it. It's already there. You just covered it up, put a scab over it, pretend it wasn't there. And if we had no, if all our needs were were the normal needs of survival, and we didn't go for wants, how dynamic would you be as a person in your desire to grow? If all you did was survive? Maybe you've been there. I've been there at one time in my life. I don't want to go back there. I want to have wants. The wants to make a difference in people's lives. The wants to know that my life has some kind of meaning. The wants to know that people care about me, and I care about them. The wants to be able to play. That wants to succeed. That wants to have things in economics be great. That wants to have total freedom and choice. I want those wants to drive me to become somebody even more. See, in the pursuit of all these wants, I have to become more of a person, a better person, I believe, in order to achieve what I want. So, I think stimulating wants and creating little hurt is good motivation. I think if somebody's overweight, and you care about them, your job should be to be a good persuader. And a persuader is not to nag them, and a persuader is not to tell them. It is to get them to want to change for their reasons, to ask them questions, find a wound in there, and stir it up elegantly, nicely, respectfully, to they're motivated, and then give them a plan. Say, "Here, what you could do to change." That's persuasion.

Now, this process, then, of adding logic. All you've got to do is give them more information. In this case, more info will kick them over the edge. Rarely is this what's needed. What usually is needed is more hurt. So, again, what people need to buy is, number one, they have to have lots of want. And if you're trying to close somebody without a deep level of want or a lot of hurt, you're going to have a hard time closing them. You're going to have to take out all those old sales skills, you know, they teach from way back, back when, that they still teach out there. If you go to standard sales classes, and you're going to have to learn how to do Ben Franklin's, and you're going to have to learn to say, "Well, sir, I know you feel that way." And you know, there was a story about the patent office. And any of you have some sales background know what I'm referring to. They're tried and untrue stories that are burnt out to try and push people into a sale. That's garbage. What's real is, let's find out their deepest needs. Let's get them to experience wanting it even more. Let's help them to justify it. Let's kick them over the edge so they get to have a quality product that really meets their needs. All presupposes that you obviously qualify your client. And we're going to talk about that when we take this gathering of information I've been dumping on your brain, and we're going to chunk it down into 10 steps. Before we do that, I want you to really get the foundation of it.

So, what have we talked about? We talked about selling is motivation. We've talked about that people don't buy products, they buy states. Me, think about it. I see some people in this audience, you know, wearing Rolex watches. Why would somebody spend $9,000 on a watch? It's obvious, right? It's because they're durable. You know, you didn't do it because you needed a $9,000 watch. You did it because you wanted. Now, I'm using extreme examples because they're the easiest ones to notice. What we got to realize is that whatever we associate to things, that's what's going to determine our behavior. And if people are not behaving the way that we're trying to influence them, we got to change what they link, change what they associate to our product.

But I want you to understand the process. The process is: Load up, find enough emotional reasons, stir it up, and make it real. Add some logic, and push them through the edge so that the reasons for avoiding buying get literally catapulted off the scale, so that now you and the prospect are there together sharing the process of a successful sale.

So, here's an exercise I want you to do. I'd like you, if you would, to write down three purchases you've made recently. Three purchases. And I want you to make a note: How big was your want? What really made you buy? See if what I'm saying is true. See if I'm just making this up, or I got some weird ideas. Let's see if it's real. Was it want that pushed you over the edge? And logic? What did it for you? I just want you to analyze: Did you have enough want? Enough logic? Is what I said true? Was it something else? So, that's the first exercise.

The second thing I want you to do is, I want you to think of a time when you had a strong want, but you still didn't buy. And I want you to describe, in all three of those, come up with three of those also. Three times when you had a strong want, but you didn't buy. You didn't get kicked over the edge. And I want you to take a look at it and see: Was it because you didn't hurt enough? Like, it wasn't a strong enough want? Or was it because you just didn't find enough ways to justify it? Or is it something else? I think you're going to find it's those two.

And here's your third exercise. And I think you'll have fun with this. I want you to pick one of those situations where you did not buy, and analyze what it was that made you not buy. And I want you to pretend you're the salesperson, and what would you have done to sell yourself if you were on the other side, knowing what you know now? Now, what would you do? Would you have asked a question that stirred up more hurt? Would you have added some logic? What would you have done to kick them over the edge? So, I want you to play with Urban, LURBON, and DRAB. Emotional reasons to buy now, logical reasons to buy now, and how you can catapult the dominant reasons that people avoid buying right off the scale, so there isn't an objection there anymore. If you do this effectively, you will not find yourself at the end trying to push somebody into the sale. Because I got news for you, those of you who raised your hand at the beginning of this particular talk, when I talked about, "Would you like a Mercedes?" How tough a sale would you be walking into a place like that? And I'm going to have to come in and go, "I know this is a tough decision for you, so I'll help you." You know, there was once this great American who had to make tough decisions, just like you. His name was Benjamin Franklin. And you know what Ben did when he wanted to buy a Mercedes? Oh, Ben would draw a line down a piece of paper, and he'd write on this reason, all the reasons why he should do something. And on this side, all the reasons why he shouldn't do something. And then he'd count up the difference, and the one that had the most was the decision he made. Doesn't that make sense? I got to tell you something. If you're still using that, I apologize. I apologize that we as sales trainers have not, as a group, made a greater advance. That was written back in the 1930s, and it's purely based on logic. If you have plenty of hurt, and you need some logic, then I guess that's a useful close. You know, someone making a logical difference. And of course, the way they do it, if you'll remember, is they draw a thing and they say, "Say, here's all the reasons why you should buy. Here's all the reasons why you should not buy." And you help them get about 50 reasons over here. And you go on this side and go, "You're on your own, babe." Right? Then you come to the end and go, "Well, there's 50 here, there's only one here. I guess the answer is pretty obvious, isn't it?" The only problem with this is it leaves out something that's critical, and that is, again, write this down: People buy for emotional reasons, and they justify with logic. People do not buy for logical reasons. People buy for emotional reasons, and they justify with logic.

And you may say, "Tony, come on. You know, I sell to corporations. I sell computer systems, you know, multi-million dollar computer systems." You know, they don't buy for emotional reasons. I'm here to tell you that they do. I did some work for McDonnell Douglas for their computer division, where they sell the huge, great computers. What we're talking about, to be specific, are multi-million dollar purchases of a particular computer. And in going in and selling that process, a lot of the guys immediately, when I am talking about, you know, getting emotional reasons to buy now, they said, "Look, there is no emotion in this at all." I'm here to tell you that the emotion is hidden, but it is there. That, for example, if you're going in to sell a computer, or say, a copier, that people are going to buy for different reasons. Some people will buy because what they want is the best. Some people buy because they want friendship. They buy the product because they want to be in a relationship with you. Some people buy because the emotion that they really want is, they want to be intelligent. And those are the people you think have no emotion, but the emotion is, they have to feel intelligent. If they don't, they're really in pain. They want to know they're making the right choice. Then some people, of course, will make a purchase because they want confidence, because they think, "God, if they'll do this, they'll be more successful." Some people make a purchase because it's about survival for them. But what I want you to know is, whatever decisions they make, they are emotional, and that they justify them with logic. And what you want to do is, you want to dig for that emotion. You want to find it and disturb it. You want to become a master of the Dickens pattern. You want to become a person who can find people's needs, stir them up, and stir up their emotions, get them disturbed, disturb them. And the way to do is ask questions. You can do it easily with questions. If I turned to you right now and said, "What's the most screwed-up thing in your life? What are you really upset about?" If I ask that enough, and I've got rapport, you'll probably answer me. But you know what's nice? I could also ask you, "What's the best thing in your life right now?" And if you're in a bad state, you might say, "Nothing." I said, "Well, what, what could you say is great?" You'll think of that also. We can control what people focus on, therefore what they feel, just by the questions we ask. And so, we're going to show you how to do that.

But let's go to our exercise. One: Make a list of three products you've bought recently, and find out what made you buy. How much want did you have? How much logic? How much Urban? How much LURBON? And what was the dominant reasons you were going to avoid buying that got catapulted out when you weighed them? Okay? And it wasn't an intellectual weighing. It was a momentary, in a moment, you made a decision. And secondly, think of a situation where you didn't buy, and see why. And then thirdly, let's see in that situation, how could you, you kicked yourself over the edge? And then come back, and we're going to show how to get people to make those associations, how to get them to link to your product the feelings you really want them to have, so they're totally motivated to buy your product.

[Music] [Applause]

Now, okay, so before we go forward, I want to make sure that you absolutely understand the assignment, and it's crystal clear. So, first, number one, was to remember something that you wanted, you really want, and you bought it, and the reason why you bought it, what made you buy it in that moment. And number two, was something that you really wanted, but you didn't buy it. And of course, why you didn't buy it, what made you not buy it. In that same situation that you didn't buy what you wanted, and you really wanted to have, what would have kicked you over the edge and gotten you to buy it right then and there?

So, let me give you a perfect example. I remember not too long ago, as a matter of fact, about four years ago, for no reason at all, I was walking down the street, and there was a motorcycle shop, a Harley-Davidson shop. And for some reason, I walked in there. I was just interested. And I wasn't, I didn't need to buy a motorcycle, and didn't even think about buying a motorcycle. But I walked in there, and there it was, looking at me, it was almost calling my name, just glistening with chrome. And, you know, it wasn't running, it was just sitting there. And I remember looking at him going, "Oh my goodness, look at that unbelievable thing." And then I started looking at it, and right, I remember feeling myself, I hadn't sat on the bike, but feeling myself sitting on the bike, and what it'd be like. And I thought about throwing a leg over the thing and sitting down on it. And guess what I did? I sat out on it. And I imagined myself in the wind, you know, just going down the road at 80 miles an hour. And in that moment, of course, the salesperson saw me sitting on the motorcycle, and he was a very, very smart person. He came over and he said, "How does that feel?" And I said, "Unbelievable." And he said, "Well, listen, let me share with you about this bike. He says, you know, whether you ride fast and hard, or you're just a cruiser, whatever it is, you're going to get the most unbelievable feeling." And he said something at the time. He goes, "Listen, have you ridden before?" And I go, "Well, yeah." And he goes, "Remember what it was like?" And that was it. At that point, it was over. And remember, I didn't need to buy a motorcycle at that point. And you know what? The cost was not an issue. Even though it was a lot of money, I found a way to make it happen. It was so funny because as I was driving home, I had to leave the bike there because I was in my car. As I was driving home, something made me go, "Why did you buy that thing?" And as soon as I thought that, I got, "Well, because of the way it's going to feel." And the reason why I bought it was because I put myself on the thing, and I had the feeling.

Now, the second thing was, remember the second assignment? That was something that you really wanted to buy, but you didn't buy. And what...

Were your reasons why you didn't buy it? And for me, I was a musician a long time ago, and I remember years ago, I walked into a store again, and I saw a beautiful bass guitar. I love to play bass guitar, and there it was, you know, hanging on the wall. It was beautiful, glistening. And, and by the way, if you haven't figured that out for me, if I see something and it's glistening, that really gets my attention. And there it was, it was glistening, and I literally looked at it and I thought, "I would love to have that. That would be great."

And the salesperson saw me looking at it and came up and started talking about it and telling me about the features of the bass and telling me how it was made and all that stuff. And I remember in my brain, I was going, "Well, you know what? I don't really need this right now. I've got another bass and, and although this is nice and those are great features, I probably won't use them." And I remember talking to myself inside, and I literally talked myself out of it. And that's the reason I didn't buy, because it wasn't logical.

But if you think about it, was it really because it wasn't logical? You know, the motorcycle wasn't logical either. Honestly, it was less logical. But the reality was, I talked myself out of it because I was just looking at it and looking at the features. But when I think about the third part of the assignment, is in the same situation, what would have made me buy? Honestly, is if I had taken it down off the wall and played it. If I'd actually felt it. If I'd had taken it down and got the feeling of that guitar and got it inside me, and then imagine myself playing it later on, then that is what would have made me buy. That would have overridden anything because it would have instantly associated me to the emotional reasons why I wanted to do it, and logic would have gone out the door.

So listen, here's what we're going to do. Shut the recording off, and I want you to go back, and now's the time to do the assignment and really get associated, really get your reasons why, because it's going to teach you something about you. And better yet, it's going to help you understand other people as well. Hey, great job and welcome back. I hope you had as much fun with this assignment as I did, and I hope you learned something about yourself and other people. You know, one of the funny things about this assignment is oftentimes when people get this and they learn what they needed to learn from the assignment, the thing that they didn't buy that they clarified in the assignment, they go out and buy, and now they have it for themselves. So hopefully that was for you, if it was something that you really liked and enjoy.

So before we go on to the next session, there are four primary tools of influence that you need to learn and to master. And once you learn them, what you'll do is you'll use them daily, and you use them automatically, not only for your sales career, but you use them in your everyday life. They're tools that'll help you create additional personal power in any situation to help you achieve the results that you're after. And here they [Music] are.

Tools of influence. I'd like to share with you what I think are the primary tools through which all the changes you want to make in someone's beliefs or approach to buying occur. What are tools of influence? Well, the most powerful will be the following. And we've talked about all these, but we'll talk more about them. But I want you to just think about them as being your primary tools to influence people.

Primary tool number one: Rapport. The bottom line is, if you're going to have an impact that's long-term, not a short-term impact, people have got to feel this feeling of caring that you have their interest in mind. And I know I've said this a lot of times, but because it's so important, people have to feel like you are like them. You've got to make that connection. You can, by threatening someone or with a gun or anything else, persuade someone to change in the short term. But long, long-term change usually happens because someone has an investment in you emotionally. So you've got to develop rapport.

And there are lots of ways to do it that we haven't talked about. How do you get that initial connection? Well, there are a lot of ways. One way to do it is to talk about something obviously of a mutual interest. Isn't that what you've always done? Another way would simply be to give somebody a gift. Instantly, you'll have rapport by inducing reciprocation. Another way is to ask them questions about some of their deep needs or some of their deep wants. Another way for you is to give them a referral. Sometimes you can get rapport by insulting somebody. I know that sounds ridiculous. It's not what I would encourage. But do you know that some people, that an insult builds rapport in some areas of our culture? Rapport is not God. You're a great person. Rapport is your mama. And if you do that kind of thing, all of a sudden there's this rapport. There's this responsiveness. Certainly not what I encourage. But I want you to think creatively about what are all the ways that you can do that.

Another way to do that is tell somebody a story. You can get in rapport by telling people a story. Give them some examples of things that have happened. Or another way would do is give them a sample of something. A lot of times that'll develop the rapport. Give them a compliment. Startle them again as a way to get rapport. You'll get their attention, and all of a sudden there'll be this responsiveness. Remember, rapport means not necessarily that the person is totally excited, but that they respond to you. If you give somebody good service, even before you're their client, or vice versa, you're going to build rapport. And if you just listen to people, you cannot believe the amount of rapport. You know, you go out on a date, and this person is going out with you, says, "You know, what do you do?" And you tell them, they say, "God, that must be really interesting," and ask you questions, and they get you talking all night. At the end of the night, you're in love. You say, "God, this person is so brilliant. I love this person so much. What a great conversationalist." Listening alone can build so much rapport. But that is the number one tool of influence. You need to align with people and be able to lead them in the direction you want to go. Pacing and leading.

Second primary tool of influence is the use of questions. Questions provide for you a lot of things. Number one, they provide for you the opportunity to find out what's really going on in this person's head and what their real motivations are. Questions will help you find out their beliefs, and once you know what a person's beliefs are and how they make decisions, all you have to do is align with those beliefs and show them how buying is consistent with those beliefs. That's all selling is. Questions help you do things like do test closes, where sure enough, you can find out how are you doing along the way. And questions take pressure off. See, if you ask questions, you don't have to carry all the pressure of the presentation. You're getting the customer involved with you. Also, asking questions shows that you really care about what this person is thinking. It builds more rapport. It induces reciprocation. There are so many benefits of questions. It is the second primary tool. I only put rapport higher because if you ask questions but don't have rapport, people won't answer your questions, if that makes sense to you. So questions can put people in state. Questions can destroy objections. Questions can ferret out objections. You need to become an excellent person and not only developing rapport, but asking excellent questions that lead people in the states where they want to buy.

Third primary tool of influence that you have is your own personal congruency. Congruency means that people experience that what you say verbally and non-verbally matches. That when you say the word "yes," I can do something, your voice quality, your body posture, your facial expressions, and your words all come together and create one meaning. There is no doubt about what you really mean. Congruency is power, and it is a tool of influence. And the more you can develop congruency. Congruency comes from feeling certain about what you're saying, feeling absolutely certain that what you're offering somebody is worth more than what you're asking for in return. And that congruency must be maintained daily. It's absolutely critical that on an ongoing daily basis, you rejuvenate it, because otherwise the law of familiarity takes over and you lose some of that congruency. Remember, the person who feels most certain is going to be the person who influences. And that buying is just the transference of emotion. And people need to feel certain that if if they make this decision, that they're going to get more pleasure and less pain.

Fourth primary tool of influence is State Management. And that State Management requires that even if you do everything else that we're talking about here, even if you know every skill we've learned about and you've managed your time well, but you don't manage your own emotions, you don't learn how to discipline your disappointments. If somebody cancels an appointment and here you planned your whole day, and then you let that put you into a state of frustration, that's going to hurt you. So it's absolutely critical that you manage your emotional states, that you discipline disappointment, that you take things like rejection and turn them around so they empower you. And there are a lot of ways to condition yourself to make that happen.

So these are the tools of influence that I think make the biggest difference. Number one, you got to have rapport. Number two, make sure you use questions. Questions should be your best friend. Get good at them. Design tons of questions, test closes, questions that put people in state, questions that make people happy, questions for yourself to put yourself in state, all those aspects of questions. Thirdly, make sure you have congruency every single day. Fourthly, make sure you manage you. If you can't manage yourself, you certainly can't manage the customer and help them to make a difference.

So what can I say to you in the end? In order to be effective, what you've got to be able to do besides these tools is you've got to be able to answer those questions that always pop up: "What is it? What's in it for me? And can you prove it?" Those are three questions the customer is going to be asking. And once you've answered those initial ones, the questions they've got to answer, and you've got to answer for them to want to buy, are: "Will it really give me what I want and need if I do this thing? Will it be worth my inconvenience, my time, or my capital? What will other people say? Can I justify it? And lastly, do I really need it now?" If you can answer those questions in advance, if you can consistently be able to put people in the states of getting what they want, where they have strong wants and strong justification, then the ability to influence people is your ability. The power to influence is yours right now.

So I'd like you to take these skills and let's have you look at where is your level of skill in each of these areas. And even when you're done with this entire program, this is a set of skills I would encourage you to come back to again and again and ask yourself each week, "This week, maybe I'm going to work just on questions. This week, I'm going to work just on getting my rapport." Each week, all week long, you work at getting better in these areas, because a master of these is a mastery of that power we call influence.

Hi, it's me. Now, just like Tony said, let's work on these four tools. First off, what he wants you to do is decide which one of these are you the strongest in. Great. That's not the one we're going to work on. We'll work on that one last. Choose the one that you're the weakest in, and that's the one we're going to work on first. Now, I want to caution you that, listen, some people don't necessarily feel comfortable going there, but I want you to dig deep, because it's going to be important. Working on the things that you need the most work on will help you go further, faster.

For example, let's say that you're the weakest in the area of congruence or confidence or or courage. What's a phrase that you can say over and over again to practice delivering congruency or excitement or something like that? For example, "I'm excited and courageous and willing to do what it takes." Whatever it is for you, find some that are your words that make you feel those things. Congruency, excitement, whatever it is for you. So do this in front of a mirror where you can actually see and watch your physiology, watch how your body moves, and you can strengthen it and practice it over and over. Better yet, chant it, meaning say it over and over with emotional power and emotional intensity.

I remember a few years ago when I first learned this, Tony taught this to me, and I remember realizing that, you know what, I could say it and it would feel good. But I came up with an incantation, and by repeating it, it made me feel good not only in that moment, but it made me feel good as time went on. And I'll share with you that incantation, but I want to tell you what it was. I, I didn't just say it in front of the mirror. That was one thing. What I did was I got out on the beach and I started running, and I'd shout at the top of my lungs, and I'd just, you know, be excited about it. And yes, there were people that, as I passed, thought that I was a little crazy, but that didn't matter because, you know what, I'd probably never see them again, and I see me every day.

And the incantation went kind of like this: "I, Joseph McLendon III, am a God-given need is instantly manifested and is flowing to me in oceans and oceans of abundance as I continue to create even more abundance for all to enjoy. I'm grateful beyond measure and appreciative of all that has already flowed to my team and me. I'm healthy, happy, wealthy, excited, congruent, and full of pride, and committed to the pursuit of happiness for myself and all that I love. I believe that life is exactly what you make it, so I dare to make it magnificent." And guess who believes that stuff? Me. And the great part about it was, I'd walk away just a glow with that, not just for that day, but I'd wake up that way. And after a while, it didn't take long at all, that I actually felt all of those things in that incantation.

Now, you don't have to be as elaborate as that or poetic or anything like that. You can just literally say, "I am congruent. I'm confident. I'm happy. I am excited." Whatever it is that works for you, that's the thing. Get in front of the mirror, say it as you walk. And remember, as you do these things, it's not just the exercise that affects you in the moment. It'll affect your life as you go on, and you'll glow with it.

Now, let's say that you want to work on questions. Take a moment and brainstorm a list of five empowering questions that you can use, that you can ask yourself, that'll help you get your customer, or whoever it is that you're working with, involved. And remember, I want to go back and I want to remind you, because it's really important that you get that although this, this program is designed for sales, we all live lives, and we're all out there in the world, and we have families, we have relationships with other people, and you can use these tools to strengthen you in those areas as well. Perhaps with your wife or your husband, or with your children, or a teacher, or any kind of relationship. As long as we're working with people, people, we all really function the same kind of way. So these tools will help you with those relationships. So always kind of keep that in mind.

Now, questions don't necessarily have to be related to your product or business. You can use questions like, "What am I most excited about?" or "What do I like most about this position as a salesperson?" or whatever it is. "Who has been my best role model and why?" And by the way, by asking these questions, you make your brain answer these questions. Or, "What about this? What do I love doing when I'm not at work?" Or, "What do I love doing when I am at work? What do I love about my job?" On the other hand, you can also create some wounding questions, or questions that cause people to go inside and and think about some things that maybe might not feel so good. And they're, they're useful as well, like, "What's going to happen if I don't change now?" Or, "How about this? How many times have I put off doing something?" Or, "How many times have I procrastinated and said I was going to do something and didn't do it, only later to regret that I didn't do it?" Ouch. Those are questions that'll cause you to think. And by the way, that's some sort of pressure as well. And I want you to realize that when you ask that kind of question, or any question, your brain is going to answer that question, and from that answer, you will or won't take action.

Now, let's work on rapport. Over the next 24 hours, commit to going out and creating rapport with at least three people. Whether they're total strangers, or maybe some colleagues, or people in your life that you haven't been totally connected to in the past. For some of us, that's our children and our family, and the people that are around us the most. You know, I've seen people go through their lives and just say hi and bye to the people that are closest to them. That's kind of a tragedy. What would happen if you reached out and you created rapport with them? Simple as doing something like, "How are you doing?" or a sincere compliment to them. Because what brings people into rapport is creating or finding something in common with each other. And let me give you an example of how it works. And by the way, most of the time, it's unconscious. People don't know that you're creating rapport with them. But I'm going to give you an example of how powerful this can be.

Suppose you're a golfer, and I'm not a golfer. I don't know much about golf at all. I just know that there's a crooked stick and you hit a ball, you knock it into a hole. But let's suppose golf is your game, and you really love golf, and you're really passionate about golf. And let's suppose you go to a party somewhere, and you walk into that party, and you're all alone. You don't know anybody around. It's just you. And I don't know about you, but in that kind of situation, sometimes it's a little uncomfortable. So suppose you're standing there looking around, and you've got that uncomfortable feeling or that uneasy feeling about, you know, maybe you might want to leave, or, you know, you wish you knew somebody there. And all of a sudden, you hear somebody with another group of people saying, "Well, you know what? I was, I was on the ninth hole, and I took out my putter and I lined it up." And what happens to you in that moment is your little ears perk up and you go, "Ah, a friend." You feel in that moment somehow pulled towards or drawn to that person. You can literally enter those people's world and go, "Hey, where do you golf?" And you feel connected to those people. If you find something in common, ask them questions, or compliment them, or or ask them about something that that they're involved with. They can't help but feel closer and more connected to you.

Finally, what about your state? This is the most important of all of them. Your state will really determine what you will and you won't do. So decide now the state that you need to be in for your next sales call, or your next meeting, or your next interaction with somebody that is important. Embody that. And what I mean by that is, we have the ability to move our bodies in the way that creates that. I do it by getting in front of the mirror and rehearsing it, looking in the mirror and and talking to myself, and maybe going over what I would say to somebody as I'm as I'm making that presentation. And look at myself. And I remember one time Tony and I did a uh television recording, and it blew me away because I didn't know I looked like that. What happened is they got a media expert that came in and filmed us talking. And it was so interesting. As I watched, it was very uncomfortable to watch, by the way, because I saw myself and I didn't like what I saw. And as a matter of fact, the things that I didn't like, the coordinators pointed out, well, those are the things that other people might not like as well. But the beauty of it was, even though it was uncomfortable in the moment, what it allowed me to do was to correct that and to change it and make myself more congruent.

So for yourself, go front the mirror, look at yourself, or if you have a digital camera or something like that, record yourself and see how you are. And then change your physiology. If you slouch over, then we then stand up. If you've got a frown on your face, then put a nice look on your face. And by the way, putting yourself in state will set you up for what you're going to do. Before doing anything, get yourself in perfect state. Move your body so you get your blood flowing or whatever. Too many people walk into something and expect themselves to be on cue and ready to do something without warming up. Warm up. Put yourself in state. And be aware of what that is. Now, what words can you use to reinforce this? For example, "I'm powerful right now. I'm standing strong. I am strong." The same as your first assignment, use your words. They will affect you.

Now, what you want to do is you want to be able to report back on what you learned as a result of doing these assignments, or doing those examples. And let's go over them real quickly. Number one, creating rapport. Number two, questions. Work on the questions. Number three, congruence. And number four, finally, which is probably the most important, creating that state. And reporting back means going back and taking a look at, after I did this, how did I feel? What did I get from this? What did I learn? Because once you do that, you can see what to change and what you can improve on. And I promise you, this will make a big difference in the quality of your life and the people, and your ability to influence them.

Now, with this foundation in place, let's move forward, and I'll see you in the next session. Session three: The Difference Between Success and Failure. [Music] [Applause] [Music] A