Transcription
The following content is a fan-created parody. I do not possess any rights to the anime or manga of Jujutsu Kaisen. Kindly show your support by accessing the official release.
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Yeah, before this [ __ ] goes to HR, I ask this [ __ ] one time: whose idea was it to scare the ladies and use trap houses like they haunted houses? [ __ ]! [ __ ], just going to leave me here in this nasty... What the [ __ ]? This is got and mo... and what, what the [ __ ] is going on in here? Oh, [ __ ]! Damn, baby, you lost a soul. You're a [ __ ] dick. [ __ ] you and [ __ ] gay. Don't look at me, I ain't do [ __ ]. Listen, I think whoever did it had their heart in the right place. Get your [ __ ] together, man. [ __ ], man, this job. I'll leave this [ __ ], take my talents to the league or some [ __ ]. That's money, [ __ ] you, gold tender. [ __ ] you, you're not quitting this job, and you know you'll never make it in the league, come to hating [ __ ]. Your terrible ass attitude and smart ass mouth will get you kicked out before your first game, and it's not like you need the money anyway, n*gger.
First off, any team will be happy to have a real [ __ ] like, like me, Kobe. And second, who wouldn't want to be in the presence of a real paper-getting [ __ ] like myself, you [ __ ] hater?
Generational wealth does not make you a generational talent. [ __ ] the [ __ ] you say? You just happen to be both, and I'm sure plenty of broke [ __ ] that was just as talented as your ass. You just lucky it wasn't you, 'cause it's you, [ __ ] ass [ __ ]. But you know that already.
The [ __ ] you just say? I said you one of them broke ass, talented [ __ ] who's upset that I'm not only that [ __ ], but I'm that [ __ ] with a bag, and that grinds your [ __ ] gears, don't you? Now, how's that for generational talent, [ __ ]? 'Cause you keep yapping and hating, and yapping and hating, and it don't make you sound tough. It make you sound like a [ __ ] [ __ ]. I'll show you, [ __ ]. [ __ ], we can do this right here, [ __ ]. We doing all this talking for? [ __ ], make my [ __ ] day.
The [ __ ] y'all [ __ ] in here doing? This [ __ ] ain't on, man. Y'all childish ass [ __ ] always on some [ __ ]. [ __ ], [ __ ], [ __ ], we stopping. All right, enough, [ __ ]. Y'all got work. The big boss needs y'all to safely escort a young lady from here to O-Block with little to no problems.
We got to take her to the O? Yes, it's an escort mission. Will [ __ ] be trying to kill her? Yes, they most likely are. Can we at least know who's after the [ __ ]? It's the least you could do since we're [ __ ] babysitters now.
Look, I don't know the [ __ ] background. I don't know who looking for [ __ ]. I barely know the [ __ ] name. It's not my job to know all that [ __ ]. Just get her where she needs to be and don't do no stupid [ __ ]. Is that too hard to comprehend?
Not at all. Whatever, man. All right, then, get the [ __ ] out of here.
Yeah, go stomping broke [ __ ] out in Chanel. Los, yeah, go curbing on. Curbing, my diamonds flare, ho. Yeah, go, got limitless bands and limitless.
That's not how the song goes, [ __ ]. You always hating.
Why the [ __ ] do they? You giving a [ __ ] like this 'cause they know you teamed up with the best to ever do it, the young rich [ __ ] Gojo, the [ __ ] out here counting paper and putting broke [ __ ] to shame.
Uh, yeah, we got to have this talk, Gojo. You got to humble yourself, [ __ ]. [ __ ], what if you go into every fight like, "I'm rich, I'm that [ __ ]"? One day somebody's going to make you eat those words. I'm your best friend, I got your best interest at heart. I'm not trying to see you go out sad just to flex. Sounds like you hating, [ __ ]. N-never mind, [ __ ], you're not hearing me. No, 'cause you want to humble a [ __ ], turn around and use the best friend card. That's a dick move.
What the... Oh, [ __ ]! [ __ ], I can see that [ __ ] from outside. You good in there? Yep, I'm straight. Looks like we getting active. You got to get moving then. I think the escort [ __ ] free-falling right now. Yep, that's her. I'm on my way, little [ __ ]. I told these [ __ ] the bomb [ __ ] wouldn't work. Now look at this [ __ ].
So, if not obvious, I, I got a job for you, [ __ ]. Now, is broke ass Toji still retired, or is that [ __ ] trying to slide?
First off, [ __ ], is that [ __ ] Toji? Get my [ __ ] right. But I'm always down to put a [ __ ] on the T-shirt. How much we talking, [ __ ]? If I play my cards right, these $10 going to flip to a million. Come on, money line!
Look at this [ __ ], reminiscing about P's loss. [ __ ], this a fresh parlay. It's crazy to me how broke [ __ ] always got money to put on a parlay. [ __ ], you need to go get a job or something.
I got a job. I'm an entrepreneur. I put [ __ ] on the shirt for a living.
Mhm, it sound good, but you still broke. I literally just came to your ass with a job, so what the [ __ ] are you over here doing?
I got to go against a little rich [ __ ] Gojo, so I put a bag on his head. Now, after all the young [ __ ] sliding die, I'mma pull up on his ass and put him on a T-shirt.
So, what you going to do if [ __ ] come to collect?
I would dead [ __ ] going to collect the reward. Respect these chess moves, [ __ ], and watch me get my paper up.
Yeah, 'cause that's doing so well. Damn it, my boy L. Exactly why your ass need to stop gambling, need to get up and do something with your life, maybe be a father or something. Speaking of, how's your son?
My son? Son? S-U... I mean, it do be hot outside, [ __ ]. Who you talking about? Huh? What?
What's good, Shy? Yo, what the [ __ ]? Keep your hands up, me creep, or you gonna lose your [ __ ] life, you stupid ass [ __ ].
You got to relax or this escort [ __ ] can flip real quick.
Let it flip then, [ __ ] your dusty ass shades and your struggle ass starter locs.
What you say, [ __ ]? He already told you this [ __ ] can flip. Go, I'm the first tet on you [ __ ]. Now get your punk ass up, we leaving.
Do you see 9:00 p.m. on your phone? You blow my phone up like these minutes free, my [ __ ]. What the [ __ ] do you want? You put 30 million on this [ __ ] head. You acting like these [ __ ] getting paid. The money not real. But what if these [ __ ] come for the money?
These [ __ ] got to kill Gojo, and they ain't killing [ __ ]. That's why I'm here to put them on a T-shirt.
I told you this [ __ ] already. Say that way too much confidence. Oh yeah, my parlay finally hit. You focus on gambling like you didn't just put $30 million on a [ __ ] head, and let me remind you, you don't got that money.
Hey, hold on real quick, [ __ ]. Do you not see me on the phone, [ __ ]? This my fault, dog, my bad. Anyway, the streets been talking, and [ __ ] should be pulling up on that [ __ ] right now. [ __ ], let me work [ __ ] this up.
Damn it, my boy L. Your boy Gojo got money on his head.
Gojo got what? I don't got time for all that old [ __ ]. Tell me where he is. I'm going to put these little [ __ ] on you. Yeah, yeah, I got little homies too. Now, what the [ __ ] we doing?
Look like we handling business, young dog. Can you hurry the [ __ ] up? I got [ __ ] to do. I ain't going to hold you too long now. Don't worry about that. All right, now, he a young [ __ ], which means he going to try to shoot first 'cause, 'cause one thing young [ __ ] hate to do is run the one. So I'm put my dukes up, and I'm put this old man [ __ ] on them. That little [ __ ] ain't going to know what hit him.
Exactly why I hate dealing with old [ __ ]. Lord have mercy. No, it ain't over, young. What the [ __ ]? [ __ ] ning [ __ ] since '64. This ain't nothing new, little dog.
What you doing here, Ace boy? Ain't seen you since they took my food stamps in '82. Life was just so much more simple back then. After a long day of tricking on these ungrateful winches, I could just come home and get cheered up by man's best friend. God, I miss you, Ace. But why am I seeing you right now? Wait, [ __ ], is my light flashing before my eyes?
I told you I had [ __ ] to do. Now I got to turn your ass everywh. But my bad, y'all. Look at your old ass folding, [ __ ]. Left me the [ __ ] alone.
Hey, ain't that the young rich [ __ ] Gojo? I don't give a [ __ ]. [ __ ], rob his ass. Y'all broke [ __ ] can't even afford real [ __ ], but you want to [ __ ] with me? Come on now. Oh, we doing this [ __ ]? No, rob his ass right now. Who next?
What, what the [ __ ]? Now let me flex on these [ __ ], and let me get you out the way. [ __ ], beat his ass up.
Why the [ __ ] can't we hit this [ __ ]? I would never let you X. Right, wearing broken touches, [ __ ] you. This old space. I don't give a [ __ ] about the name. You [ __ ] smell broke regardless. It's always the [ __ ] in matching City Gear fits trying to take some [ __ ] they could never afford. Now you the only one left. I could leave now and just spare your broke ass.
I don't give a [ __ ] that I'm Doo. Run them pockets, [ __ ].
All right, let me take these $1,000 shades off and beat your ass. Now, what's all that [ __ ] you was talking, [ __ ]? Remind me, what the [ __ ] you said? What's wrong with this [ __ ]? Turn me up, [ __ ].
Hold on, dog, it was a joke. Bab, go. I ain't even do like that. I got something special for your broke ass. No, please.
What the [ __ ] do that mean? Rich [ __ ] Flex technique: Vuitton Red. Nothing. Oh, you lucky [ __ ] so strong. No, I'm not ready to go. I got kicked. What? My [ __ ] jammed. Look at you, you get to live another day. Like, what the [ __ ], bro? I swear I figured this [ __ ] out. Maybe I need to hate on a broke [ __ ] a little harder next time.
[ __ ], you got 30 million on your head.
On God, it is. And I know I'm worth way more than that.
Can you act serious for 2 seconds, [ __ ]? Everything a, a joke. I'm sorry, [ __ ], did I ask for every broke [ __ ] in this city to be after me? Did I ask for a [ __ ] babysitting job? I, I don't [ __ ] think so. So until you become the [ __ ] with 30 million on his head, I'm going to make as many jokes as I [ __ ] want.
Whatever, [ __ ]. We need a [ __ ] plan. Do I got to do everything around this [ __ ]? Roki, get your ass up. Okay, and Getto Pacquiao [ __ ] bags. We about to be on some witness protection [ __ ]. Now, turn me up.
Do I look like a [ __ ] taxi service? How the [ __ ] we stuck picking these [ __ ] up from the [ __ ] airport? You tripping. My [ __ ] across the world on some 007 [ __ ]. If they need a ride from the airport, that's the least we can do. I bet they was over there fighting for they [ __ ] lives, sliding on [ __ ] [ __ ] and turning up for the hoes. I could only wish to do some [ __ ] that gangsta.
No, I ain't going for that. Something ain't [ __ ] right.
Hey, you know I hate to cut a two man short, but you know, n-me and them at the airport waiting for us. [ __ ]!
Oh, damn. Uh, tell them [ __ ] we need another day.
Why the [ __ ] you can't tell them?
'Cause you got this [ __ ]. Plus, I'm not going to be the one lying to nobody about no hoes.
Wow, [ __ ]. You ain't [ __ ] aomy. These [ __ ] got to stay another day.
Oh, these [ __ ] so gangster. Why my whole senses tingling? I just came back here to remind you, huh? [ __ ], you broke. Oh, you broke ass, coach sitting ass [ __ ]. [ __ ], oh, he does this every flight. B. Okay, I guess.
All right, let's get your ass to the O. We almost there.
Feel like we've been walking forever. I'm so tired.
Maybe if your ass wasn't drinking free liquor for 3 days, you'd be... Huh? We just got back. Don't ruin the mood.
Whatever, [ __ ]. Let's get these [ __ ] dropped off so I can go on with the rest of my... You love me, man. My friend ain't give you no [ __ ]. Oh, [ __ ]!
What the [ __ ]? Gojo, you good?
Oh, yes. Gun to your head, name me three solo Gutter Gutter songs. [ __ ] you dumb ass [ __ ]. That ain't even how the [ __ ] game work. Damn that. I got something for you, [ __ ]. [ __ ], did you just throw a W? Got you, [ __ ] Gojo. I'm on.
Calm down, gang. I'm good. There's nothing a brokey with a butter knife can do to a young rich [ __ ]. I can tell by his broke [ __ ] aura. The [ __ ] probably looking for the money on my head. Type of [ __ ]'ll change his broke ass life. You got a worm? I got a worm too. And what size you want your shirt, [ __ ]? [ __ ], you can keep that shirt, you Hanes wearing broke [ __ ].
Yeah, this Hanes [ __ ]. Now, what you going to do? How about I spare your broke ass? 30 mil ain't worth your life, [ __ ]. Clearly you don't know who I am. I'm the [ __ ] that put the money on your head, and I'm the [ __ ] that came to get the money off your head, you dumb broke [ __ ]. That's not how putting money on a [ __ ] head work. Your dumb ass probably ain't had the money to begin with. Now stop wasting my [ __ ] time.
[ __ ] wearing a $1,000 shades still can't see where I'm coming from. I'd never want to see [ __ ] from your empty pocket point of view. Now move, [ __ ].
What the [ __ ]? You must not understand. You can't un-sold a [ __ ] with broke [ __ ] jokes if that [ __ ] know he broke. [ __ ] what? And I'm that [ __ ] that [ __ ] told you. Oh yeah, I don't use magic like you Harry Potter [ __ ]. I had dirt water [ __ ]. I got it out the mud. Yeah, you one of them trench body [ __ ]. No cursed energy or techniques, just out here dogging [ __ ]. But you still a broke [ __ ].
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Oh, [ __ ], you turned down power and got it out the mud just to get turned into a Heavenly pack. [ __ ] your trench body [ __ ]. I'm sending you back to the slump.
What the [ __ ]? Where the [ __ ] this [ __ ] go? I can't even lie, these trench body [ __ ] built different. We not doing this [ __ ]. Hollow Blue, come out, broke [ __ ]. Where the [ __ ] you hiding at? Oh, you on some [ __ ] [ __ ]? That's fine, keep hiding, [ __ ]. Wait, what the [ __ ]? This broke [ __ ] brought out roaches. Trying to find a broke [ __ ] in a field of roaches is like trying to find a needle in a [ __ ] haystack. Can't lie, the [ __ ] got me. Six eyes ain't never had to work this hard. Oh, [ __ ], I really can't find this [ __ ]. [ __ ], maybe, maybe I should blow this [ __ ]. No, that's too easy. How about you stop trying to sneak me, broke [ __ ]? Wrong way, [ __ ]! [ __ ]! [ __ ]! How the [ __ ] this broke [ __ ] get the ups on me? No matter how rich you are, your body going to end up just like me. Broke.
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Change. Wait, bro, we can talk about it. Oh yeah, [ __ ] you broke. [ __ ], back your ass up, [ __ ]. You can't [ __ ] with me. Oh, fatality. That n*gger Toji. Now, how much can I get for these shoes?
Here we are, O-Block. Now, we could drop you off here, or you could come with me.
Wait, what? I'm not going to lie, them days we spent on the beach really got me feeling you. I know we were just going to make it a thing for the trip only, but [ __ ], I don't know if I could let you go that easy for real right now. What we had wasn't just a fling to me. I'm [ __ ] with you for real. I know it's a part of the job to drop you off, but we'll deal with the consequence. If you don't want to hit the block, you can stay with me and be my girl or [Music] something.
Yes, Gator. Gun to your head, name me three... Damn, I [ __ ] up again, didn't I? [ __ ]! What the [ __ ]? See, I would finish the job and put you on the shirt, but you be off them perks, so it ain't no tell. Tell them what the hell your wild ass going to do when you die.
Here go them little [ __ ]. How much y'all want for O? That's a nice one, man. You will be paid rather nicely, that I promise.
I don't know what the [ __ ] y'all [ __ ] on. This too freaky. All in a day work of putting [ __ ] on shirts.
Mhm. Now, how you paying me? Pennies, nickel, dimes, dollars, checks, wiring? What we talking?
Your check's already in the mail. Don't even worry about it. All right, now, if this check bounce, you going to be the next [ __ ] on the shirt, [ __ ]. Our money's actually good here, unlike your broke ass. Let me head out before I say something crazy.
All right, broke [ __ ]. Now, what I'mma do while I wait on this parlay money? H, I can hit some penny slots. I know I got change at the crib. Why the [ __ ] is it so bright out here? What the [ __ ]? Do my broke [ __ ] deceive me?
Hey, broke [ __ ], remember me? I got more hoes than me than 50 Cent, but I'm rich, boy. I thought the other [ __ ] was trying me, but he peed the [ __ ] out. Turn me up, [ __ ]! [ __ ]! What's all that [ __ ] you was talking earlier? Oh yeah, you were going to put me on a shirt, weren't you? How that work out for you? And let's run that [ __ ] back 'cause I'm already getting paid. Look like it's show much today. The next shirt on the house. Oh, in the house? You think I need a favor from you, you stupid broke [ __ ]? Oh yeah, weave. Who the [ __ ] you think he is? Flash? Hell no. Can't I hit this [ __ ]? Wrong way, [ __ ]! [ __ ]! [ __ ]! Let's give you a taste of something you can't afford. Lubaton Red. Damn it! What the, what the? Damn, they're... I don't know what the [ __ ] he on. I'm going to need me some of that.
What happened to all the broke [ __ ] jokes? Seems like money can't talk forever. How about this? I'll help you. I'm so broke a homeless man paid me. I'm so broke I can only be recipes, so I'll fall to them. None of that matters. God, I feel good right now. You see, I know you're broke because to me, you're all broke. From the streets to the heavens, only I am the motioned one. No [ __ ] that talk. Your [ __ ] rich [ __ ]. You want me to flex? Fine. I've never done one of these, but [ __ ] it. Go ban for ban, [ __ ]! [ __ ]! Ban for ban, [ __ ]!
Already told you I'm broke. Nobody [ __ ] worried about no pan for ban. Now get on this T-shirt for all the real [ __ ] before and after me. I want you to remember this [ __ ]. A rich Flex [ __ ]. [ __ ], get your paper strap up technique: Purple Hollow Tip. God damn, [ __ ] going to need a [Applause] Band-Aid. You got anything else you want to say, broke [ __ ]? Now's probably the time. Almost. We got... I got a son. Put all my debt in that [ __ ] name while I'm gone. What kind of dead beat [ __ ]?
I hate [ __ ]. All we do is argue and slide over and over. Argue, slide. No one ever remembers what the argument was even about after they finish sliding, and nobody takes any accountability. Throw a real [ __ ] here and a [ __ ] [ __ ] there, and it doesn't even matter who started the argument. Argue, slide. I hate [ __ ]. We lose just as many [ __ ] as the other side does. So who's real and who's not? I can't even tell the difference anymore. Argue, slide. [ __ ] always want to be tough for no reason. You have known and knowing about how real they are, the same fake as all the real [ __ ] before them. I [ __ ] too, and at this point, I don't even want to sound like these [ __ ] anymore. I hate [ __ ].
Y'all [ __ ] got kids in cages? Yeah, they my ops' kids, so [ __ ] them [ __ ].
You said they your ops' kids? So you [ __ ] stealing kids to one-up [ __ ]?
Look, a real [ __ ] got to do what he got to do.
You think that [ __ ] makes you real, [ __ ]? And dude, my [ __ ] standing on [ __ ] business. Actually, let's step outside real quick. Real [ __ ] to real [ __ ].
All right, all you [ __ ] dying. I don't give a [ __ ] either. Everybody getting me, [ __ ]. [ __ ] you too.
Hey, hey, hey, stop running, little ho. Huh? Please don't make me do this. I know you heard me the first time, dog. No, say that [ __ ] again 'cause it sound like you [ __ ] lying.
G went crazy and shot up a whole [ __ ] block. Women, children, children. It didn't matter who the [ __ ] was there. Stop lying on my [ __ ] gangga.
I wish I was lying. You can't make this [ __ ] up. He said it's up for [ __ ]. Any [ __ ], our [ __ ], they [ __ ], whoever. It don't matter to him. [ __ ], you thought [ __ ] was sweet, huh?
Oh, hey, Gojo. Didn't expect to catch you here.
Oh, so now we playing stupid? Did you do that [ __ ] or not, [ __ ]?
Yes, obviously I did the [ __ ], or you wouldn't be here right now.
Oh, so you just sliding on anybody now?
Yes, I want all you [ __ ] gone. Every single one. I can't think of a [ __ ] that's safe from this [ __ ] personally.
The [ __ ] you mean? What about the [ __ ] we came up with? The [ __ ] that always made sure your Hayden ass was taken care of? What kind of [ __ ] you smoking that got you acting like a [ __ ] [ __ ]? What happened to the real [ __ ] that I knew? Stop saying that [ __ ]. Who determine what's real [ __ ]? All that. I'mma keep being a real [ __ ] regardless of this [ __ ] you spit, Gojo. It's not being a [ __ ] [ __ ] what makes you the realest [ __ ], or are you the realest [ __ ] of all the [ __ ] [ __ ]?
What the [ __ ] do they got to do with anything? You could slide on everybody and be the only real [ __ ] left. So to make it seem like my dream is impossible, but at what cost, [ __ ]? If you got a problem with it, end it here. I'm just another hating ass, talented ass, broke [ __ ], right? You slay on [ __ ] for L. You [ __ ] right, I have. So if I blow this [ __ ] right now, I'm not wrong, right? I'm not wrong, right? I could blow this [ __ ] right now if I wanted to. God damn it.
[Music]
This thing on? Perfect. My name is Satoru Geto, and all you [ __ ] are under new management. Starting there, I run this [ __ ]. Is that going to be a problem? Oh, gotcha. Okay, one of you [ __ ] that got a problem with this [ __ ], [ __ ], come up here real quick. So, anybody else got a [ __ ] problem? I thought so. [ __ ], I ain't.
[Music]
[ __ ]
[Music]
H.