Transcription
I come from a place where maturity is both a luxury and a necessity at the same time. Seems every day I'm reminded, sometimes when you're born like this in America, you're custom-fitted for your own prison. There are few more ways for you to die than to make a living. So as you can imagine, a kid who grew up in East Atlanta got to think anyone who got to see 21 just had to be a savage.
So me, I had one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight friends from my neighborhood that I don't see no more. Their names are Bryce, AR, Andre, Calvin, Kyle, Brandon, Omar, and Yasin. From the same complex in East Atlanta, not quite city like Brooklyn, nor country like Alabama. We knew our parents didn't understand us, and teachers didn't care. It was crazy 'cause one day we all got robbed on our way home from practice. What made it crazy was, between us, none of us even had [ __ ].
Mama tried to say these things happen, but of course, boys don't listen. So by the end of the week, my [ __ ], they all started cripping. I thought it was fear that made them link, like maybe they saw strength in the numbers, like Dre used to say, "If this world ain't never going to look out for brothers, at least we going to be there for each other." Then they ran up on some OG Blood in the club over some [ __ ] that he said. And by the next week, three of my [ __ ] caught one to the head.
And I had one, two, three, four, and five friends from my neighborhood that I don't see no more. See, they gave their lives for a set. But my homie Calvin, he was different. He had a good head on his shoulders. We knew that gang stuff just couldn't get him. See, every family photo, exactly the same. Calvin Senter, his dad left, and his mom right. He had a scholarship to Providence and the prettiest date on prom night. But Calvin just happened to be the wrong color, behind the wrong, wrong wheel, on the wrong night.
He gets pulled over in his uncle's whip. You hear whispers of, "I think the kid stole this [ __ ]." Then it's, "Step out of the car." Then it's, "But it's my uncle." Then it's, "Shut up, Nick. I mean, boy, I'm not listening to some punk who's probably high off his ass, possibly even drunk too." There's a struggle, and no one knows what conclusion to come to because an officer's body cam malfunctioned. I just know I still had four friends from my neighborhood that I will not see no more.
See, Calvin was tame, but my homie Cy was wild. I mean, smooth with the ladies like he had the juice. The whole school wanted to date him. When Kyle had money problems, Brandon said he could solve them. Kyle's girlfriend got pregnant, and Brandon made him an offer. It was work, selling works, selling narcotics. It's cool. So cops follow Kyle back to Brandon's apartment. Brandon throws Kyle snitch. He pulls out a Mac and he shot him. Kyle couldn't say [ __ ] except [ __ ].
"I had a daughter now." Brandon's facing charges, and Brandon's facing a court date. And Brandon gets choked out in his jail cell 'cause Kyle's father knew a cellmate. I just know I still had two friends that I'm not going to see no more.
See, Omar took Kyle's death in just the worst way because Omar had dreams about Kyle since we was in third grade. And he thought it was low, but we knew. And see, he decided it was time that everyone else knew it too. See, he had been dating Drew, he was in love. He didn't want to keep it silent. He told everybody in lunch, but Drew ran away and denied it. He was beside himself 'cause that turncoat told him he was ready to come out the closet.
And for the next few weeks, he was locked away. He was crying 'cause his phone was blowing up with the jokes and the threats of violence. And every time he was alone, he screamed till his voice was tired. And every time he was alone, his ears, they ring like sirens, but it was always, he was always alone. So he just needed it to be quiet. He wanted to make the noise stop. He went over to his dad's drawer, he looked inside, and he moved some things around. And he found Dad's 35, and he put it next to his mind. And then everything just went silent.
But I still had one. I still had a friend from my neighborhood that I'm not going to see no more.
See, Yasin used to pray for all of us just about every day. We called him God. He called him maybe. The difference was only semantics anyway, because Yasin was nothing but a man of faith until his faith had a cost. 'Cause one night after a Trump rally, somebody got drunk and crashed outside a mosque. And I was the last black boy in your neighborhood.
See, I feel that a story, or several, always need to get told. You see, black boys have this strange problem growing up, because black boys have this strange problem growing old. And that's every Bryce B, Lamar L, Andre A, Calvin C, Kyle K, Brandon B, Omar O, and Yasin Y. Like, why does every black boy you know got a few friends he just not gonna see no more? Thank you, F.