Transcription
As we begin this lecture session, uh, you would be listening to a song that best employs, or best demonstrates, or best shows, or best embodies the theory that we would be talking about for this afternoon. So after the song, right after the slide—yung white slide na nakikita ninyo—we would begin our lecture. [Musika] Ang pagbigay sa diyan [Tawanan] ganyan. Tiwala sa isa’t isa’y [Musika] kailangan. Dati mong pag-ibig, wala akong pakialam, bastat mahal kita. Kailangan pa [Musika] man, huwag kang mag-isip ng ano pa man. Mga paliwanag mo’y di na kailangan, at kahit ano pa ang iyong nakaraan, mamahalin kita, maging sino ka man. [Musika] Mahal kita, pag-ibig, mahal kita. Iniisip nila, hindi malala, mahal kita, maging sino ka man. [Musika] Maliwanag ang ikaw ay ibigin ko. Ako’y isang bulat na umiibig sa’yo, at kahit ano pang iyong nakaraan, mamahalin kita, maging sino ka man. Mahal kita, pag-ibig, mahal kita. Iniisip nila ay hindi malala, mahal kita, maging sino ka man. [Musika] [Palakpakan] Ang tema ng kantang ito ni Ry Valera, “Tao ba,” ay sabi niya doon sa kausap niya, “Mahal kita, maging sino ka man.” Actually, this is a good song that actually demonstrates a little overview of how Carl Rogers looked at humanity or the human person. Ang kulang lang—yes, may konting sweetness. Kaya sabi ko, grabe yung regard ng mga humanistic existentialist sa pagtingin nila sa tao. Kasi unang-una, yes, ano, bahagyang intro, swabeng intro, eh. No, you are not perfect. Actually, we will never be perfect, but we are enough.
So this is the person-centered theory. Sabi niya sa kanyang um therapy, if the therapist is congruent and communicates unconditional positive regard and accurate empathy doon sa client niya, then therapeutic change will occur. And if therapeutic change occurs, then the client will experience more self-acceptance, greater trust on the self, and so on and so forth. Ibig sabihin, the—the acceptance, the genuine care that we accept from our environment has something to do with how we accept ourselves as well. Kaya napakahalaga na tayo, bilang mga—bilang mga um care providers, ay naipaparamdam natin sa—sa ating mga client o sa ating kapwa yung unconditional positive regard, which, when we translate it in a normal language or in our language: Tanggapin mo yung tao, regardless of the mistakes and the weaknesses that a person contains. Okay ba iyon? So i-elaborate natin itong theory ni Carl Rogers. Meron siyang basic assumptions na pinanghahawakan. Una, lahat ng tao daw ay may tinatawag na formative tendency. What is this? The tendency to evolve from simpler to more complex forms. So lahat daw tayo, tayong mga tao, we evolve from a simpler to more complex forms. Meaning ba, sabi natin yung practical lang na example dito: We are individuals who says that, um, “Makapasa lang ako, ayos na,” ba. Pero later on, nung pumasa ka, hindi ka nakuntento sa pumasok ka lang. “Ay, ba’t ganito lang yung grade?” O kaya, in a loving relationship, ba, sabi natin, “Makita ko lang siyang masaya, okay na ako.” Pero nung masaya siya na wala ka, iba na yung gusto mo. Kaya sabi mo, “Ah, hindi, makapasok lang talaga ako sa ano, sa—sa araw na ito, okay na ako.” Pero nung nakapasok ka, hindi ka pa rin nakuntento. We wanted more. So ganun daw tayo, ganun yung nature natin. O kaya, “Maging akin ka lang, maging akin ka lang, magiging um satisfied na ako.” Pero nung naging kayo, bigla mong sinabi na, “Ah, sorry, it’s not you, it’s me,” kasi parang hindi na tayo nag-grow. Parang from being a simple individual or simple organism, we are evolving. Dati, okay na sa lip tint lang, ngayon natuto ka na may pa-blush on, kasi it’s part of our—what we—what Maslow—tuloy Rogers—called our formative tendency, to evolve from simpler to more complex forms. And tayong mga humans, ah, our consciousness evolved daw from a primitive unconscious to a highly organized awareness, which showed on how we perceive things, on how we interpret things, or how we understand things, ba, from a simple one to a more complex form.
Now, we also have what we call the actualizing tendency. Yan ito iyon. It refers to our tendency within—tayong lahat—living things to move forward to completion, or kung kay Maslow, lahat daw tayo ay moving towards self-actualization. Pero yung kanya, tinawag niya na actualizing tendency, kasi iba yung self-actualization para kay Carl Rogers. So part dito ng actualizing tendency natin, to move ba towards the fulfillment of our potential, to be the best of what we are. Kasama dito yung maintenance. Ano ito? It includes the basic needs, similar to the lower needs kay Abraham Maslow. It includes the tendency to resist change and to seek the status quo, kumbaga. This needs are there, um, it’s part of us moving forward to grow, ba, to be able to—to eat, to—to sleep, to rest. Nandito yan ngayon. Kasama din dito yung enhancement, the willingness to learn things that are not immediately rewarded. Kasama dito yung self-exploration, yung improving who you are as a person. And parang kung iisipin mo na, “Ah, Ma’am, parang kay—kung kay Maslow, yung maintenance needs ito, yung basic needs. Yung enhancement ito, yung higher order needs.” Maaari kung ganon natin yung analogy natin. Okay. And for us people, we must be involved in a relationship where the partner—not only the—the partner, the special one, ha—there is someone out there who is congruent and authentic, hindi plastic, hindi pakitang tao, nagpapakita ng tunay na emosyon, and at the same time, meron tayong empathetic and merong unconditional positive regard na na-ipaparanas sa atin o naipaparamdam sa atin. Pero this will be the core, this will be the basics. Again, i-emphasize natin yung self and self-actualization. Sabi ko earlier, the actualization tendency refers to—ay—nag—our tendency to move towards completion. I-elaborate pa natin. It refers though to the organismic, the bodily experiences of the individual. It’s what we experience on our physiological self, and it also includes the entirety of us: our conscious and unconscious, and physiological and cognitive aspects. Nandun yung actualization tendency. While when we say self-actualization kay Rogers, it is the tendency to reach our fullest potential as perceived in our awareness. I-wow! Meron pong tinatawag na concept of awareness para kay Rogers. Yes, kasi we can—we—when we say self-actualization, it has to happen in our awareness. Meron kasi tayong tinatawag na self-theory ni Carl Rogers. Okay? Meron tayong tinatawag na self-concept, at meron tayong tinatawag na ideal self. Okay? Pag sinabi nating self-concept, this are aspects of our experiences that are perceived in our awareness and what we perceive. Hindi ito palaging accurate. “Uy, lagi siyang nakatingin sa akin. Oh my gosh, bet niya ako!” And that’s part of your self-concept. “Ang ganda ko kasi, ganito yung ano eh, ganito yung konsepto ko ng maganda, eh.” Self-concept. Hindi ibig sabihin na hindi totoo yung nasa self-concept mo. May mga oras na hindi accurate yung self-concept natin, kasi iba yung perception natin ng ating sarili, ng totoo nating sarili, at sa na-purpose natin. Naintindihan niyo? We may think sometimes that we are—we are doing good, when in reality, it—it’s not enough to—to satisfy the standards na sinet. Halimbawa, sa klase, let’s say a passing score would be—out of a 10-item quiz, would be five. But when you score that, it’s 75%. So ikaw, um, sa self-concept mo, five is good, passing na yan. O kaya four, passing na yan, malapit na naman yan sa 75. Pero sa real self mo, sa true self mo, it’s different. Okay? In reality, you need more than 5 over 10 para maitawid mo yung—o ma-satisfy mo yung isang standards. Gets ba yun? Iba yung self-concept. Okay? When you look at the mirror, what you see is your self-concept. Ganun yung analogy natin. And meron naman tayong tinatawag na ideal self. This one is what we want to be in the future. It involves all those qualities we wish that we have. And ang isang psychologically healthy na individual ay mayroong little discrepancy between the self-concept and what they would like to be. Who you are and who you want to be should not be so far. Ibig sabihin, dapat medyo congruent siya. Okay? Hindi siya dapat incongruent. And nasaan, Ma’am, yung tinawag mo na awareness? Without awareness, the concept of awareness, the self-concept, and the ideal self would not exist. To be able to be conscious of who you are, and he used the term this awareness with consciousness and symbolization. Kung wala kang awareness, walang self-actualization. Naintindihan ninyo? Kung wala ka naman ng—wala kang konsepto nung sino yung gusto mong maging ikaw in the future, how will you actualize? How will you say that you have already reached that level ng iyong best self kung wala kang awareness ng kung sino ka? Naintindihan ninyo yung ano, yung tina-try sabihin ni—ni Rogers, that you must have an understanding of yourself. And there are a lot of people who doesn’t have this. Kasi bakit? Kasi, um, one, there are moments that you’re just too tired to care about yourself, and parang go with the flow ka lang. Or may mga oras na yung gusto mong marating ay malayo sa realidad. Parang, “Ma’am, gusto ko one day maging ano eh, maging engineer, pero SP ako.” Ayan, diyan papasok yung incongruence. Diyan papasok yung, “I should be this, but this is me.” Doon pumapasok yung different anxieties na nararanasan natin kapag yung—yung vision natin sa sarili natin ang layo. “Ma’am, gusto kong gawin ‘to, eh, kaya lang di ko magawa.” Doon papasok ang mga tinatawag nating frustrations, kasi mayroon tayong vision of the self, and when we are able to meet that—tayo, at meron namang sound framework diyan si Rogers na pag-uusapan natin sa mga susunod na slides.
Okay, so para kay Rogers, meron siyang tinatawag na levels of awareness. We have what we call the denied or ignored. Ito yung mga experiences na hindi natin binibigyan gaano ng pansin. Ito yung ini-ignore natin o yung dine-deny natin. So I took an accurate example from our resource material kay F and fis and roberts. Sabi niya, for an ignored experience, it can be illustrated daw by a man walking down a business street. May konting attentive tayo. May nag-on ng mic. Ayon. So may—babay—na naglalakad sa isang street, an activity that presents many potential stimuli, ba. As you walk, maraming pwedeng nangyayari sa paligid mo. Okay? Particularly, marami tayong nar—marami tayong nakikita. And because tayo ay limited lang, we cannot attend to all of it. Many are ignored. Naririnig mo pero hindi mo binibigyan ng pansin. At may mga ganyan tayong mga experiences sa ating buhay. Alam mo, pero hindi mo lang pinapansin. Parang ako lang. Di ba? May deadline mamaya pero hindi ko lang pinapansin. Ini-ignore lang natin. At may mga experience tayo, like, kino-corrupt out of guilt, she becomes overly solicitous to them. Parang reaction formation, no? Her anger and resentment toward her children may be hidden for years. Dine-deny niya, never reaching the consciousness, but yet remaining a part of her experience and coloring her conscious behavior towards them. So there are experiences that can be denied or ignored. Next naman, accurately symbolized. Ito, simple lang ito. Experiences that we admit in our self-structure that are non-threatening and hindi naman siya nakaka-bother, and it is within our self-concept. Like, um, i-example ko yung sarili ko, ba. I’m really an anxious person, pero may mga times na tamad ako. Parang, “Ayoko lang talagang kumilos.” And pag sinabihan ako ng isang—ng isang colleague na, “Uy, ang tamad mo ngayon,” o kaya, “Grabe naman ang anxious mo, OA mo naman, chapter 10 ka na sa top. Kami nga sa isang subject, chapter 4 pala kahapon, noo, eh.” I did not find it threatening, kasi part naman siya ng self-concept ko. I know and I see myself as that, so there is no need that I ignore or I deny it, kasi it’s part of me na. Naintindihan niyo? That’s another part of awareness. “Ma’am, parang katulad nung ano, no? Nung—nung kay Freud ba, yung conscious, unconscious, may—may material, may part din ng content na kung hindi naman daw nakaka-bother, it will remain in our conscious ba, or easily available sa preconscious.” Yes, may similarity siya, pero let’s focus on this first before kayo mag-compare and contrast. Another level of awareness is the distorted one. When our experiences are not consistent with our view of self, ang tendency, we reshape or we discard the experience so that it can be acceptable to our self-concept. Halimbawa, um, sa school ito, gusto ko—ong example na rin naman sa ating book. Meron daw competitor sa school, CHED. Ano ang sabi sa’yo? Ano, ilang points mo na lang ah, perfect mo na. Sayang naman. So ang tendency, kapag ito—tao na ito, alam mo siyang—alam mo, competitor siya, ba, you would most likely distort the meaning of the person you are talking to. Lalo na kapag threatened ka. Pero iba ang interpretation mo kapag trusted friend ang kausap mo. Na-gets niyo? Parehas kayo ng narinig, parehas na parehas sila ng—ng sinabi, pero depende doon sa kausap mo ang iyong interpretation. It’s either you distort it, o ibahin mo yung ibig sabihin. Okay? So there are three levels of awareness para kay Rogers: denied or distorted level, or you—when things are accurately symbolized, ba, or as it is, you interpret it as said, or you distort it. Depende kung papasok siya doon sa self-concept mo. Kaya napakahalaga ng self-concept. Natatawa ako. Meron akong kinuha na example dito. Kita niyo ba? Oo. Yung pinost ni Julia Barretto sa Instagram nung nakaraan. Tama ba sa IG ito o mukhang IG, ta’s nag-comment si L, sabi niya, “You need to stop before we all have heart attacks. You are just so beautiful.” Sabi naman ni Julia Barretto, “Excuse me, miss, do you realize how much heart attacks you’ve already given us with your—with your beautiful face, because I lost count of mine?” Sabi naman ni Janel, “All the heart attacks in the country are being caused by both of you, so you both better stop.” Sabi naman ni Julia Barretto, “You realize that every single time Liza Soberano and I have to perform with you, with your perfect face and your perfect voice, we get a heart attack, so you stop.” Anong example nito? Sabi ng isang ano, isang commenter, um, plastikan daw. Pero for Rogers, could this—could be an example of a denial of positive experiences. Yan, an example nito would be when people compliments us. Even I, ah, lately ko na lang natutunan na mag-thank you pag sinasabi nila, “Ma’am, thank you po, na-appreciate ko po yung lecture natin,” kasi there is a tendency that we distort things, ba. “Ang galing mo kanina.” “Hindi be, ano lang yun, maliit na bagay.” So we learn to return compliments with, “Uy, ang ganda mo ngayon, Ma’am.” “Nadala lang ng lipstick yan,” ba. We don’t know how to accept positive experiences, kahit na genuine yung pagkakasabi, ha, kasi seldom daw—seldom itong compliments na ito have a positive influence on the self-concept of the holder of—kung tayo—kung sino yung sinasabihan. We may have a distorted acceptance of it because the person that compliments us is a distrusted one, or they may be denied because the recipient does not feel deserving of them. While as people compliment you, there are times or there are tendencies that you are guilty dahil alam mo na hindi mo pinaghirapan ang isang—ang isang bagay, pero na-appreciate siya ng bonggang-bongga. And there are—there are times that we feel, “Bakit hindi natin ina-accept? Kasi we feel that we aren’t deserving, or we could have done more, and we do not deserve the praises.” Okay? In all cases, a compliment daw, according to Rogers, from another person implies the right of that person to criticize or condemn, and compliment. Itong mga bagay na ito—sorry, compliments, critics, condemnation, care—is an implied threat. So, Ma’am, ano yun? “Huwag na lang po tayong tumanggap ng compliment.” We cannot control people to compliment us, pero there are times that this compliments, we deny it, kasi it may be threatening to us, kahit genuine man iyan. Okay? It is not only actually yung mga negative experiences or yung mga positive experiences ang de-deny natin. Kasama din dito yung feedbacks. Ito nga, compliments, kahit na deserve natin, we deny it. Okay? A student nga daw who feels, um, lacking sa preparation niya, pero na-commentan sabi ng professor, “Good job.” You might say to yourself, “Ah, hindi lang naman nakinig masyado si Ma’am sa ano, sa—sa presentation ko. Or ano, kung nga lang sa—madali lang yung topic, kaya ganito.” Bakit natin dinideny yung sarili natin ng positive experiences when there are times that we deserve it? Kasi hindi siya pasok sa self-concept mo, ba, yung kung paano mo tingnan ang sarili mo. “Ah, gustong-gusto kong sabihin sa part na ‘to, yung: re-accept the love we think we deserve.” Yes, The Fault in Our Stars, ba? “Hindi ako deserving, hindi ako—I don’t—what did I do to deserve you? Do—babalik ka sa ano ba? Bakit ano ba yung—yung—yung basis mo, no? Ano yung deserve mo at hindi mo deserve? Right? Yung self-concept mo. Ano ba yung pinanggagalingan niyan? Ma’am, ibang tao.” Ayan, sa umpisa, ibang tao will help, but later on, merong iiral sa atin si Carl Rogers. Ito yung concept ng becoming a person. Yes. How do we become a person? Meron siyang diniscuss na kinakailangan for us to become a person. Una, we must be able to have interaction with another person, may it be a positive or negative experience, and this contact is the—the minimum requirement para maging tao tayo. In order to survive, we need someone, we need to have contact with our caregiver or contact with our parent. That’s one. And as children or adults, we—we become aware that may ibang tao—the other person has some measure of regard for us. We begin to value positive regard and the value negative regard. And that is the person needs to develop or the person develops a need to be loved. Part—as we—we have contact with other people, we learn a positive caring attitude, and we value those things that we don’t want—negative comments from other people, ba. And this need is normal. Sabi, the need to love, the need to be loved is what he referred as a need to have a positive regard. Kailangan pala natin yun, Ma’am? Opo, kailangan na maramdaman natin na accepted tayo ng ibang tao. That’s—that’s how we learn. That’s how we become a person. And if we perceived that—that positive—positive regard from others, especially yung mga tao na minamahal natin, then our need to receive positive regard is at least partially satisfied daw, ba, as a child or as an adult. And ito rin naman yung sinasabi ng mga nauna nating theories that as a child, as an adult, we need to be loved and accepted. Ganon din naman ang sinabi ni Maslow. And note that positive regard is a prerequisite for what he called the positive self-regard. Yes, positive self is the experience of prizing or valuing our own self. Ah, so, Ma’am, from experiencing positive regard from others, we also learn or we also earn this need na kailangan natin for ourselves. Nakuha ninyo? According to Rogers, receiving positive regard from other people is necessary for us to have positive self-regard—yung regard for ourself. Pero once na-establish mo na yung positive self-regard, it becomes independent of the continual need to be loved. To put it into simpler terms, we must satisfy our need for love and belongingness, okay? But once natutunan natin na tanggapin ang ating sarili, yung—yung comments, yung—yung compliments, yung critics ng ibang tao, hindi na siya masyado nagma-matter sa’yo, kasi na-establish mo na yung sarili mo, na nagkaroon ka na ng tinatawag na positive self-regard. Nakukuha ninyo? Similar din daw to doon sa notion ni Maslow na we all need love and belongingness before we are able to reach or we are able to satisfy the need for self-esteem. But once we begin to feel confident and worthy of ourself, we no longer need the unending, um, love and affection of our—love and approval from other people, kasi the source of our regard is ourself. Okay? And note that the source of positive self-regard then lies in the positive regard we receive from other people. Pero once na establish—once na-establish na itong positive self natin, it is autonomous and self-perpetuating. It’s powerful. And to Rogers, the person then becomes, in a sense, his or her own significant social other. So you mean, Ma’am, we don’t need other people? Yes, we need other people, pero na-establish yung—yung mo—yung tiwala mo sa sarili mo, yung kahit na anong gawin mo, you are a person, accepted. You accept yourself as who you are. Doon daw—doon ka daw magiging person. Itong si Carl Rogers, sabi niya, not everyone becomes a healthy person, a psychologically healthy person. Pero ang nangyayari kasi, hindi tayo nagiging healthy kasi most people—most of us, even I—we experience what we call the conditions of worth. We experience incongruence, defensiveness, which result to this organization. Unahin natin yung tinawag niya na conditions of worth. Ito yun: Most people are not unconditionally accepted. “Galingan mo para maging proud ako sa’yo.” Yan ay conditions, ba? Umm, “Gayahin mo yung kapatid mo, ano, para maging maipagmalaki ka naman namin,” ba. Yan ay conditions of worth. Hindi ba pwede na ginawa ko yung best ko, tapos maging proud kayo sa akin? Yan ay yung mga conditions of worth ay ganito stated: “If ganito ka, Ma’am,” hypothesis ba yan? “If ganito ka, then I will accept you.” Marami tayong “if” na nakalatag. “Galingan mo, ah, ungusan mo, um, maging—maging ganito ka, maging ganyan ka.” And if nangyari yan, this will—this will make you an acceptable person. And we have grown up like that. There are times na nararamdaman natin yung mga conditions para maging worthy ka, ba? Ito yung mga situation na kapag ginawa—Isay—the time that we love and accepted only meet the conditions set by others. And note that we are all vulnerable to this. Okay? Kasama dito yung ano, yung perception ng ibang tao. We don’t—we—we little did we know na yung comments ng ibang tao, may it be positive or negative, it does not foster daw psychological health. Wait, Ma’am, anong ibig mong sabihin? Kahit na pinupuri tayo, para kay Rogers, it only instills in us another condition of worth. What do you mean? Kin—kaya ng dito kay Rogers, talagang ano, very sensitive siya sa nararamdaman—dinadamdam ng tao. Halimbawa, sinabi, “Wow, ang payat mo, bagets, girl!” Ang ending, it will only make you feel na kapag hindi ka payat, hindi bagets. Nakuha ninyo? Nagkakaroon ng condition sa’yo, “Black and white so ag, hindi ako naka-black, hindi ganon kaganda kapag naka-black ako.” Nakukuha ninyo yun? Yung may mga conditions: “If naka-black ako, bagay sa akin. If ganito yung gawin ko, pag payat ako, mas pretty ako.” So yung mga conditions daw na yan, it adds up to your level of acceptance to yourself, acceptance to other people, and it prevents us from being completely open to who we are and to our experiences. At sa society natin, as you listen, you will know or you will—we will learn conditions from our surroundings. “Ayaw m mapahiya, ayaw m magkamali, ayaw m magsabi ng mali, pagtatawanan ka, kasi ang tingin nilo, ganon.” There are people here who doesn’t have the—to speak up in—in a class, kahit na interactive, o kahit gusto nilang mag-share. “Nahihiya po kasi ako, Ma’am, kasi ganito.” We fear judgments, and kasi itong mga judgments na ito, we—we do not want to hear it, lalo na if it will hurt our self-concept. “Naman ako ganon, nagkataon lang ganito, ganito.” Naintindihan ninyo? So when self-concept and the ideal self is not congruent, then this may be a source of psychological disorders. “I’m not happy with myself, and hindi ko gusto na yung mga nangyayari sa akin. Hindi naman talaga ako ganito, Ma’am. Dati naman po, pre-quarantine, ganito po ako,” ba. Alam mo eh, may self-concept ka—yung na—yung understanding mo ng sarili mo at yung understanding mo ng kung sino ka ngayon is incongruent, then what could happen? You become what? Vulnerable. Ito yung kapag merong incongruence. Ito yung pinakita ko sa picture kanina. This one, the self-fury ni Rogers. Let’s use my clicker pointer. This is an incongruent, um, illustration. This is a congruent illustration. Ideally daw, your—aal—self-image, a true self, ay hindi naman sobrang perfect, kasi this is what we call the self-actualization, eh. Pero ito yung incongruence na hindi natin dine-describe. The more incongruence we experience, the more vulnerable—vulnerable we are. “Ma’am, vulnerable po? Saan?” Sa anxiety and threat. We experience this kapag hindi congruent yung mga aspects of self na sinabi ko. And for us to protect ourself from anxiety and threat, meron tinatawag na defensiveness si Carl Rogers. Yes. Initially, what do we do to protect ourself from the inconsistencies of our self and ideal self and our true self? We distort, we change the story. “O, bakit mababa ka? Ba, nag-aral kang mabuti, eh. Ano eh? Ewan ko ba diyan, si Ma’am, out of this world. Magpa-quiz kung totoo naman yan.” Then it’s not distortion. Pero pag iniiba mo yung kwento, although sinabi mo na—ay—sinabi na yung pointer sa’yo, tapos wala talaga, hindi ka—kulang talaga yung—yung efforts mo, yung understanding mo, there’s a tendency that you distort. We misinterpret an experience para magfit siya doon sa aspect ng iyong self-concept. At meron naman tayong tinatawag na denial. We refuse to perceive an experience in awareness. We avoid, like what I said earlier. Now, when all this defenses fail, what would happen? This organization. And usually, when we are disorganized, para kay—kay ano, kay Rogers—kung kay Freud na hindi nagwork yung mga defense mechanisms mo, nilamon ka ng anxiety-provoking content. Para naman kay Rogers, um, hindi nagwork, sobrang ang—ang na—na-disorganize ka na ng tuluyan. Hindi na yung self-concept mo, yung real self mo, yung ideal self mo, wala na, sobrang layo na niya sa isa’t isa. Usually daw, disorganized or disorganization could lead to psychotic episodes or mental illnesses, depression, di ba? At different uh disorders may manifest.
So ngayon, i-emphasize ko yung tinawag ni Rogers na UPR, or unconditional positive regard. What is this again? It is a total feeling, a feeling of total love and acceptance, like that of a child for a parent or a pet to its owner, no matter what you say or do, you will be loved and you will be accepted. Rogers believed that if a child receives unconditional positive regard, he would—he or she would be able to self-actualize and become his or her ideal self. Kasi you are—yung conditions kasi na sine-set sa atin ng ating mga parents, ng ating environment. There are times that it’s not who you want to be, but it is instilled to you. It is pushed to you. And when you reach that—that dream, that vision of who you are, you will not be happy, kasi baka hindi ito akma doon sa ideal self mo. Okay? And this conditions—kapag wala yung unconditional positive regard, medyo hirap ka rin na bigyan ng unconditional positive self-regard. Mahirap din yung ipakita yung unconditional positive regard sa iyong self. And if this self-actualization—not being able to reach your potential in your awareness—happens, what would ensue? Sabi ni Rogers, it’s mental illness. It’s mental illness. Now, like person-centered theory, yung mga binanggit ko kanina, those—the components of it, ba? The person is at the center of his theory, understanding that you are a person who has your own self-concept, ba? Meron siyang tinawag na client-centered counseling approach. It’s stated in an “if-then” fashion as well. Sabi niya, “If the conditions of the therapist, ba, may congruence, may unconditional positive regard, may empathetic listening—kapag lahat daw yan na ay nandon—then the process of therapy will transpire.” “Ma’am, ano po ba yung mga iyan?” So counselor congruence: As a counselor, you’re not simply a kind one na parang inoo-oohan mo. “Ay, ang galing, at talaga, ganun yung nangyari sa’yo.” Hindi ka lang friendly, but you are a human being. You have to—as a counselor, as—or as a therapist—you have to show to your client that you’re also a person. You’re capable of feeling joy, anger, and frustration. Iniiwasan natin yung mga client natin na makaramdam ng toxic positivity. Kung ganun yung ano—ganun yung pagkaka—um—describe ni Rogers. I hope I got it right. We are also human with frustrations. Tayo rin ay nakaranas ng mga challenges. Kasi ang nangyari, when we talk to other people, there is a tendency that we make them feel that all things can be solved. There are moments as you journey your higher years, we will learn that when a person talks to you, not all the time you need to solve the problems, kasi you’re not Wonder Woman, you’re not Superman. Hindi natin trabaho yun. And as sa therapy ni—ni Carl Rogers, mahalaga na maiparamdam natin sa tao, may counselor congruence. Naiparamdam natin sa tao na tayo rin ay tao. You’re not just simply kind and friendly, but you’re also a human being. And with that, you could easily connect. At kasama din dito yung unconditional positive regard. When clients are experiencing a warm, positive, and accepting attitude toward what the client is, then the process of therapy takes place. Kapag halimbawa, hindi ninyo maitatanggi or hindi talaga—it’s not—it’s inevitable that may mga makakausap tayo, bilang—tayo—bilang mga kaibigan, na yung mga pananaw ng ibang tao ay hindi akma sa pananaw natin, and it’s not for us to judge. It’s not our call to judge. Lalo na kapag nasa counselor-client relationship kayo. “Ay, bata mo pa lang, nakipag-engage ka na sa sex, ay tomboy ka.” Hindi natin dapat iparamdam yun sa tao, kasi after all, that person you are talking to is a person, kahit na—kahit anong trauma yung pinanggalingan niyan, kahit na anong—kahit gaano kawasak ang dynamics niyan—niyan—ay tao. And it is our task, if you are more geared towards the Rogerian perspective or the Rogerian psychotherapy or the therapy o—or approach and counseling ni Carl Rogers, merong acceptance, pero yung acceptance na yan, hindi tolerating um—sayo yung client mo na, “I’m using drugs.” “O sige, kahit ano yan, kahit ano pang ginagamit mo ngayon, tanggap kita. Sige, push mo yan, te. Push mo yan, te.” Ma’am, kasi, ba, unconditional positive regard, it’s not—it—hindi ganon. Hindi natin sila tino-tolerate. That’s a very, very irrational take on this, okay? A very shallow take on this. And last, mahalaga daw para mag—mag occur yung process ng therapy, may empathetic listening. What you mean empathetic listening, Ma’am? May empathy ka, you’re able to put yourself on other people’s shoes, yung kung ano yung nararamdaman niya, nakaka-connect ka. Iba yung sympathy sa empathy. “Oy, kawawa ka naman. Inaapi ka, sa inyo, ay kawawa. Oh, binubugbog, kawawa talaga.” Ano yun? Nasaan yung empathy? Doon, yung feeling with the person, but no, you’re not feeling for the person. Mahirap iyan. Tandaan mo that in empathetic listening, the feelings belong to the client, not the therapist. “Ma’am, so bawal umiyak? Kasi naiyak ako, e.” Pwede naman, pero make sure that you keep your cool, kasi yung emosyon, it belongs to the client. “Kasi po, um, nakipag-ulo po ako dun sa—sa kapatid ko, wala pong kalaban-laban, ano? Halika, nauna ka pa doon, ikaw pa yung unang nakipag-away.” Ano ba yun, ba? We’re supposed to help our client or our—yung kinakausap natin sort out their thoughts. Pero dahil ikaw highly emotional ka, ikaw yung mas affected, ikaw yung mas nakaramdam doon. Kaya pag nakapag—na-encounter niyo ni—subject na counseling, you will see there—kahit sa Code of Ethics natin—there are times na pag alam mo na ikaw ay may personal bias at hindi pa resolved yung issue mo tungkol doon sa specific na scenario sa buhay mo, and it needs awareness in the self, hindi ka muna tatanggap. Halimbawa, you were—“Excuse me” lang ha, warning lang ah sa aking mga sasabihin—baka you are a victim of an abusive relationship, tapos ikaw, tatanggap ka ng—ng case na victim din siya ng abusive relationship. You have to establish, as a counselor, your—yourself, ikaw—yung mental self mo. Sabi nga, “Caring for others begins and ends with the self.” So if ikaw, nakikita mo na hindi ka okay, baka maka-apekto sa counseling session, then you would need to sort out your emotions as well. “You sometimes na—ay, hindi po muna ako magha-handle ng ganitong case. Pwede po ba i-refer ko na lang po kayo sa kakilala kong counselor?” Ganun. Just in case you see yourself in the field ng counseling in the future, you would want to be a psychologist, a guidance counselor. Yan, isa yan sa mga kino-consider natin. Lahat kapag daw of therapy takes place, then