Transcription
Charlie Smith, welcome to the Mental Performance Mastery Podcast, brother. Been a long time coming.
Good to be in the bunker with you, man. It's been great to hang out with you this weekend.
Yeah, fired up for being here. And uh, you know, Charlie Smith, I consider a mentor. I consider him a dear friend. I consider him Uncle Charlie for my kids. And I also consider you one of the top mental performance coaches on the planet. If you would, I think something that you've been instrumental in my life in creating is an identity statement. Could you talk about the power of an identity statement, what it is, how you create it, and just rip for us on the importance of an identity statement because that's one of the things I think that has been most impactful of the many things that you've brought to my life.
Yeah, it's amazing. So, you know, my signature platform is my life, my pen. And and my belief, my strong belief is that we all need to be the intentional author of our own lives. And the first element to owning the pen of the story of your life is to know who you are. And if you don't know who you are, you can become somebody else. And the world is heavily influencing how we view ourselves today. What success should look like, how success should happen. And fundamental to that is what I consider to be self-image management. If you look at any performance psychology, everything starts with a fundamental premise that self-image management matters. And self-image management is what you believe about yourself. And you will become what you think about most of the time.
Seminal book, Psychocybernetics, Maxwell Maltz, he identified that. And he was a, I don't know if you, you know the story of Maxwell Maltz, but he was a plastic surgeon doing reconstructive surgery on people. And he did this reconstructive surgery on all these patients and he observed this one fundamental difference. Some people had plastic surgery, had their face reconstructed and went out in the world and dominated the world and had great self-confidence and went back out so good about themselves. Other people had the exact change and stayed stuck in their old ways. And he said the number one thing that was influencing how they behaved was the image that they had of themselves.
So think of it, so think of your identity like a SIM card in your phone. Right? The SIM card in Brian Kane's phone has all of Brian Kane's information. The SIM card in Charlie Smith's phone has all of my information in it. So self-image management is the message that you continually send to yourself about yourself. And you'll never outperform your identity. So the first thing you have to decide is what is a strong identity statement and how do you reinforce that to yourself about who you are so that you can live into that identity. Right? Beliefs and behaviors are the pillars. And so if you don't have your identity right, I think Maxwell Maltz identified that your identity sits like a thermostat on the wall. A thermometer takes the temperature, a thermostat sets the temperature. So think of your identity statement as setting the temperature for your life and who you are and how you show up in your life.
You know, one of the things that when, when we started kind of working together, um, you know, when you were help helping me to to get sober, one of the things you made me do or had me do was create an identity statement. That identity statement is, "I'm a loving and serving husband and father, world-class mental performance coach who invests into his health and doesn't drink." And I've said that statement every day since November 23rd, 2023, over two and a half years. I sent it to you for the first 100 days as an accountability partner. And that you'd have to pay me, you'd have to, you'd have to pay me to not say that. You know what I'm saying? Like, I'm going to say that deal. Like, I, you couldn't pay me enough to not say that is what I'm trying to get at because it's such a cornerstone. And I feel like of all the mental performance things that I've ever done, whether it's going back to graduate school with Ken Riza at Cal State Fullerton and living heads-up baseball, you know, to my mentorship with some of the best from him and Harvey Dorfman and and Dr. Rob Gilbert, I could, I could say that the one mental performance strategy that has had the most impact on my life is creating an identity statement and then living in alignment with that identity statement. And as you've told me many times, right, fulfillment comes when what you do in your life aligns with what you want for your life. But that part of what you want for your life for people listening to this is getting clear on what your identity statement is. So Charlie, if you were working with somebody to create an identity statement, how do you get started? What's that look like?
So the first part of setting an identity statement is identifying the desired behaviors that you exemplify when you're at your best. What is the best version of you look like? It's, it's, it's not just aspirational, it's optimal. And so when you're performing at your best, what does that look like? Who do you want to be? Who do you want to be when you're performing at your best? The second is what are the behaviors that go along with you living into that identity. So for me, right, it's foundational to say, what is it like when I'm at my best? So my identity statement starts with, "I am a sober, proud, confident, passionate entrepreneur. I'm a world-class mental performance coach and a highly sought-after keynote speaker. I'm a committed father and friend. I prioritize my health through regular exercise and proper nutrition." And when I look at all three of those elements of my identity statement, like you, I know that like my birthday, and I write it down every single morning to remind myself and set my intention around who it is I need to be. And it's the combination of who I am at my best, the behaviors or principles, right? When I say things like, "I'm disciplined, I'm passionate, I'm confident." I'm directing my mind as to how I need to behave. So, what are, what is it like to be at my best? What are the behaviors or the principles that support that? And then what are the things that, like you just said, what are the non-negotiables that I got to do? And so, when you create that identity, it's, it's targeting and directing you to think of, think of it like, like drawing a map. If you were going on a trip, it's like you would outline where you were going. You're outlining who you are going to be and how you're going to show up every day to be it.
Yeah. I was just thinking like for, you know, we're both from New England, right? You grew up in Maine, I grew up in Massachusetts. Here we are in Phoenix, Arizona. If we were to drive from New England to Arizona, would you ever get in the car without a GPS, without a phone, and without having a destination of knowing where you were going? I'm just going to get in a car and go for a drive and hope I end up in Arizona. You'd never do that. But that's a lot of us, how we live our life because we don't have an identity statement that is that GPS that also is that destination and that is the, you know, reroute when we get off course to bring us back to. So I think that's why I wanted to do this podcast for so long is to help the people listening to this create an identity statement. So someone's going, "Where do I get started? What, take me through like a checklist for somebody listening to this, how would they get started on crafting that?"
So, write down a list of the attributes of who you are when you're at your best.
Okay. Step one, attributes at your best.
Who you are while you're at your best.
The second, identify two to three, let's not, some people can get carried away with this. Two to three behaviors.
Yep.
That support that identity.
Got it. So, step one, what are the attributes you're at your best? Step two, what are some simple behaviors when you're living in line with that identity? And step three is how are you going to put some guardrails up and what are the things that you're not going to do? What are the non-negotiables in your life so that you know, you know, that what we would call below the line would be to not be in your identity. Like yours, yours is, "I don't drink." Like that's very clear. For me, I, I, I flip mine to the affirmative. Right. "I'm sober and I'm proud."
I was just, I was just thinking, I, I need to do that as you mentioned that. I was going, "Okay, I got to flip that."
Yeah. So, so, and, and if we can talk just a little bit about what gets in the way of people creating identity statements is this idea of conceit or boastful. And my, my, my message to to people that feel that way is, your inner critic does not need any permission to tear you down. So, why wouldn't you give a voice to your inner champion? Why wouldn't you, knowing that your conscious mind, your subconscious mind, and self-image management are the three primary pillars to you performing at your best when you need to the most, why wouldn't you develop a healthy self-image instead of letting the world influence it?
Now, there's an old adage which you might have heard, and and many of your listeners might have heard, which I'm completely against, which is this idea of "fake it till you make it," right? I don't believe when you're creating an identity statement that you're faking anything. My reverse on that or or my reframe of that is, "Do it until you become it." I wrote, "I'm a world-class mental performance coach and a highly sought-after keynote speaker" long before I ever was one. But I'm directing my mind to who I know that I can be and want to be. And then I'm acting as if. Right? William, William James was a great uh philosopher around the same time as Freud. Freud was a feelings guy. William James was an action guy. And Richard Weissman wrote wrote a book, "Act As If." Act as if you're the kind of person that you want to become. So what would a world-class mental performance coach and a highly sought-after keynote speaker be doing? He would be networking. He would be creating frameworks. He would be generating one-on-one clients. He would be creating keynote speeches. He would be rehearsing those keynote speeches. He would find opportunities to give those keynote speeches. So I can't become who I want to be if I don't know who that is. So, it starts with the messaging to me of my identity and then it goes into the behaviors.
Yeah. And he would have a studio dialed in that would be foolproof. He could walk in and hit play and record so he could get his content out to the world.
And he would be, and he would be doing, and he would be doing that.
And that's what's coming. You know, I love how you talked about the inner critic and inner champion. Let's go back to that for a second and explain to us, you know, because I think we've, we've said it in different ways, of the, the, the red assassin, green assassin, or the red wolf, green wolf that's living inside of you. Which one wins the battle? The one that you feed. So talk about inner critic, inner champion, if you would.
Yes. So the inner critic is an install that happens over the course of our lives from other people that influence us. It doesn't come from us. Our inner critic is not us. It's that teacher that said, "You'll never amount to anything." It's that coach that said, "You're soft." It's that parent who un- It's that parent who said inadvertently, "You're the small one." And we start to listen to because, you know, we have to understand our brain has a negativity bias. 78% of our, of our regular thoughts lean negative. And that inner critic has the loudest voice. Why? Because your inner critic is designed to keep you safe. It's designed to keep you in your comfort zone. It's designed to prevent you from taking risks that put your ego at threat. We used to have physical threats as we were evolving, and now we have emotional threats. Fear of failure, fear of judgment. What will other people think of me? What will other people say about me? And your inner critic is always chirping in the background. And I say, your inner critic needs no permission to tear you down. It's his job. And he'll listen to every negative thing that's been said to you or every negative thing that you've interpreted, and it will recite it back to you to tear you down.
So if your inner critic is doing that on its own, and I, I have some attributes of the inner critic which you can kind of relate to. I think your inner critic compares to other people. Your inner critic is focused on the prize. I call the second deadliest disease in this country is destination disease. This idea that "I'll be happy when." You're simply conditioning your mind that you can't be happy now. It focuses on perfection, um, and it tears you down and it makes you play small and it convinces you of who you're not. So if your inner critic has a voice of its own, it's up to us to give our inner champion a voice. And I call that directed thinking or targeted thinking designed to reinforce for me the things that will help me achieve my goals. Right? Thoughts are thoughts are random. The thoughts that we have are random. You're not responsible for your first thought. You are responsible for how you think. So thoughts are random, but thinking is not. And my question to everybody that I speak to and and everybody in your audience is, are the thoughts that you're consistently reinforcing to yourself supporting the goals that you have for your life?
Because if they're not, change them. Because Dr. Susan David, Ph.D. has a great question. She said, "Who's in charge? The thinker or the thought?" Right? You can walk around your neighborhood, right? Walk around this neighborhood here in in Paradise Valley. You see a lot of people out with their dogs? Some people are walking their dogs and some dogs are walking the people. And that's like our mind. And I, my, my theory is that with an untrained mind, your mind's walking you. With a trained mind, you're walking your mind. And that's the job of the inner champion.
So what would the inner champion do? Your inner champion compares only to yourself. Am I better today than I was yesterday? Can I get better tomorrow than I was today? What are the things that I can do to improve? It focuses on the process, not the prize. It focuses on progress, not perfection. And it's designed to help you achieve your goals. And it's not deceptive. It's directive. So, we don't deny reality. And the idea behind an identity statement isn't to lie to myself. It's to set an identity and a thermostat that I want to achieve and then align the behaviors. You said it quickly, I'll say it slowly. On the back of every card that I send out is a very simple question: "Is what I want in my life consistent with what I do in my life?" So, I have wants and desires, and I just have to back that up and say, "Is that consistent with with what I'm doing in my life?" And that's the job of the inner champion is to self-coach me to be who I need to be instead of the inner critic. Because what does the inner critic do when the inner critic gets a hold of you? It reduces motivation, reduces confidence, and it reduces self-esteem. It demotivates me. So why wouldn't I give my inner champion a voice? Why? I'll tell you why. Because most people haven't written a script. You know how actors act in movies? They read a script. You know how superheroes act like a superhero in a movie? They read a script of a superhero. Be the superhero in your own damn life.
And that starts with the identity statement.
Absolutely right.
And then from the identity statement, you could also get into, you talked about, you know, your inner critic needs no permission to tear you down and destination disease, conditioning your mind that you can't be happy. Now, train your inner champion through targeted thinking. What are some ways that you can train an inner champion? You know, and, and I have ideas that come to my mind, but I want to hear from you. What, what, what are ways that you, with your clients and your high performers that you're working with, how do you train that inner champion? What, what are the drills that you would do, per se?
So the, the first thing is creating confidence conditioning statements which are related to behaviors. So your confidence conditioning statements are things like, "I'm disciplined and focused." I want to change that for a second. "Charlie, you are disciplined and focused. You attend to your schedule and you make your scheduled calls every day. Charlie, you are routine-driven. You wake up on time. You run your morning routine, you run your PM routine religiously, right?" And what you're doing when you think about confidence is you're building a set of languages because words, words are tools, right? They're the, they're the wardrobe of your identity. So you're always listening to yourself. So the first way, the first way to give your inner champion a voice is to create confidence conditioning statements. People will call them affirmations. There's a lot of research shifting now from "I am" to "You are." So think of how your inner critic talks to yourself. It says, "You suck. You're not good enough. You, you, you." So we need to coach ourselves. And there's, there's a bit of research now that's shown that sometimes "I am" can create some resistance because I don't feel like I am that now. Instead of coaching ourselves through. So I've changed all of my confidence conditioning statements to, "Charlie, you are."
You always put Charlie in there first.
I do. I, I identify me first. "Charlie, you are."
So it's like going from the, what do you say, the, going from the first person to the third person. It is
interesting.
Coaching myself, just like you would coach me.
And just like my inner critic would tear me down. It says, "You're not good enough." Right? So I speak to myself in that same language and it creates a bit of self-coaching that allows me to, what I call, absorb that versus resist. Um, so confidence conditioning statements are the first way to give your inner champion a voice. The second way, and, and probably the most underrated way, is to focus on what you're doing well. Giving credit. The, one of the, one of the innate jobs of the inner critic is to tear you down. So the inner critic will never give credit where credit's due. The inner champion will give credit where credit's due. It will identify the things that you're doing well. So part of the work that I have my clients do is every day, write down three things you did well. Score the day. Look at the things that you accomplish. You can always go to the better and how, as we do, right? You can always look at where the improvements can be made, but are you giving, are you, "I didn't, God, I didn't return those phone calls. You know what? I didn't get that time in the cage. You know what? I didn't get those wall reps in. You know what? I didn't get out and get that, that second run in today." And your mind's going through all the things you didn't do. And it erodes confidence and it reduces self-esteem and it demotivates you. So, if you can just start by having confidence conditioning statements that are identified and attached to the behaviors that your inner champion wants you to engage in, and then you start to give credit where credit's due, and you start to write down three things every night before you go to bed that you did well, that you did well every single day, you ask me who's going to be more confident, the guy that focused on what he did well that day or the guy that beat himself up all day and never gave credit.
Yeah. Yeah. You know, it's the, um, Lanny Basham, right? I think in, in the name of the book, I think with "Winning in Mind."
"With Winning in Mind."
Here he talks about like, "That's me needs work."
Yes.
Unpack "That's me needs work" if you would.
Okay. So what we, what we want to do is we want to create balance between who we are and who we need to become. So when he says, and, and I, I can show you clips of Austin Reaves playing for the Lakers. "I'm him. I'm that guy." Go back and watch quarterback, with Patrick Mahomes. Patrick Mahomes. He's, he's a, a beast at, "I'm him. I'm that guy." You're reinforcing to yourself who you are. And when you are not, you don't tear yourself down and say things like, "I suck." You say, "Needs work or getting better." Needs work, getting better. You put me on a golf course.
And those are the only two, those are the only two things that I'll say to myself. I hit a great shot. That's like me. I, I, I hit a short shot or I, I chunk a wedge and all I say is, "Getting close. That needs work." Because when I do that, I'm focused on improvement. And when I, when I focus on improvement, I start to create a belief in myself that what? That I can improve. Versus versus taking five steps backwards and just telling myself I suck. We've all, we've all seen the self-fulfilling prophecy, right? And self-fulfilling prophecies have been around for a long time because the arc is, your, your beliefs generate those thoughts. Your thoughts create feelings, emotional feelings in your body that create and generate your physical state. And your physical state is going to impact how you perform. So there's a success cycle, which is dumping good thoughts in, "Needs work, getting close." That's a thought that's not sabotaging you. Or there's a sabotage cycle, which is, "I suck. I can't do this. I'm never going to be good at this." That creates a negative emotion, creates a tightened physical state. And tension is poison in performance. And you tell anybody, what do you want to be when you're performing? You want to be focused and you want to be relaxed. I wouldn't say calm, but you want to be relaxed and focused.
In control.
In control.
And how do you get in control? You send the right message to yourself. And that message starts with the two things that you can say to yourself. That's like me, or "I'm him," or "Getting, I'm her," or "It needs work. I'm getting close." Which, which would foster improvement? Tearing yourself down or giving yourself an opportunity to build yourself up?
Charlie, we're gonna, we're gonna have to get you back here to Phoenix to do another podcast because like, we haven't even scratched the surface of of what you're about and how much depth you can go into. We could sit here and do this not for 20 minutes, but for 20 hours and we might.
We will.
But let's remember, let's remember one last thing when we, when we close this out, right? Because I think we, we get this wrong. We get this wrong. This work, this confidence work is a daily battle. It is not a decisive victory. No amount of blisters on your hand, no amount of work in the sand trap, no amount of work in the cages is going to silence your inner critic. This confidence conditioning should be done just like taking a shower, just like brushing your teeth. Remind yourself every day who you are. Remind yourself every day what you're capable of because if you do, this world will send messages to you about why you can't achieve that. And it's our job to do battle against that every single day so we remind ourselves of who we are.
Got two more questions for you. One, people want to get more Charlie Smith. Where can they find you?
Uh, most of my content's on in Instagram and LinkedIn. CharlieSmiths.com. I have a website, charliemithspeaks.com. My Instagram handle is Charlie Smiths. Um, and those are the two places where people can go.
And now you have a, you, you, you have or soon to be coming out here, a a three-day masterclass on unshakable self-confidence.
I do. I'm putting that up on the website probably within the next week to 10 days. I've got three short videos that are going to help you develop unshakable self-confidence.
And then, and then you also had talked about coming out with a program called "Mastering Your Mental Performance." And I think that's coming out here in the first half of 2026. Is that correct?
Correct.
Correct. And that's a course I can go through basically like you, like, like I have a 30-day athletes course, a coach's certification, your, your, your unshakable self-confidence course, and your "Master Your Mental Performance" course. Who is that for?
So I have a very limited amount of one-on-one coaching time, and it, and it's expensive to work with me one-on-one, but I want to make a bigger impact in the world. I want more people to have more access to these skills. So I'm creating an online course where people can go at their own pace. And the, the course is, is designed for anybody who seeks to improve, make improvements in their life and close the gap from where they are right now to where they want to be. You know, as you know, I've struggled with alcoholism. I've struggled with addiction. I had a 25-year career in commercial real estate. There were a lot of places where I was, and I wanted more for my life. And, and, and it wasn't an ability game for me. It was a mindset issue for me. And so I've created a "Master Your Mental Performance" course, which are my top five skills to develop an elite mindset, the self-awareness, the routines and habits, the confidence, and the resilience that you need to improve in your own life.
Charlie, last question for you. You know, you talked about your 25-year career in commercial real estate and there was a moment where you said, "I want to do something else with my life to, you know, I think you said instead of building buildings, I want to build people."
I do. And you got into our coach's certification, which is kind of where we, where we met, you know, and, uh, as we come out with the, as we open up enrollment for our coach's certification here coming out in May. What difference has our certification made for you?
Oh, I mean, it's, it's the foundation for all of my work. So, it's one thing to want to help people change. It's another thing to have a framework and a strategy to actually give them steps to be able to do it. Because a lot of people will give a motivational speech, but they don't have a transformational system. And I think the, the, the certification has allowed me to have the confidence in a framework that I can teach to people. So my pathway is, and what the certification gave me is evidence-based strategies, but most importantly, actionable steps that can lead to optimal performance. Right? So, you want evidence-based strategies that we know will work, but you want to convert those into actionable steps. Like you just, when we went through the identity statement, like, "What do I do? What's the tactic? What's the strategy behind this that I can actually install so that I can optimize my performance?" And, and whether you're in, in business, whether you're about your improving your life, or you're about improving your performance on or off the field, pitch, or or court, these skills are all transferable to every aspect of life. Your personal life, your professional life, and your relational life.
I think the, the goal of the certification was to like help people get started, right? We know it's the start that stops most people. And people that want to be mental performance coaches, I feel like the certification is a, is, is the best starting point because you get the, the, the proven results, you get the actionable research, but most importantly, you get the actionable steps.
The actionable steps.
You know, and what to do. And then once you start doing and you start getting the reps and getting experience, then you have your own experiences. Is you're able to come together and put together your own framework, like your seven elements, like your, your 5Ks of the "My Life, My Pen," and you're able to put that together. But having a little bit of support in the beginning to get going.
Yeah. It's, it's, it's structure and it's proven. And, and your teachings, you know, in the, in the certification program are so relatable that you, that you, when you hear them, you go, "Okay, I can apply this." But not only that, Brian, I can help other people apply them, right? Because you can't transmit what you haven't got. And I say this like with tons of humility for the, for the, for the exposure that you've given me to a way to change other people's lives. You can't transmit something you haven't got. This is, this is not a theoretical textbook that you can read. You have to start by going through that certification program and applying those things to your life first because you cannot transmit something you ain't got. And, and, and I think the biggest thing that that gets exposed is when you're not doing the work and you're telling people what they should do. So, so this idea of embodying it, of living it, of incorporating into your own life first, then going out in the world and explaining to people how what you've done by operating under the certification, you know, pillars has changed your life. Now, you can give that to somebody else. So, it's, it all starts with us. It always all starts with us.
Yeah. You can't, you can't give what you don't have.
Can't do it.
You know, Charlie Smith, we got to get you to the airport. More importantly, we got to get you back on the podcast. And thank you for being here. Everybody, give him a follow at Charlie Smiths on all your social platforms. CharlieSmiths.com. Reach out. He's a mentor of mine. He's one of the top mental performance coaches on the planet. And as you can feel through this podcast, the passion, the energy, the commitment, the application to self, and the willingness to serve others is real, and it's there, and it's, it's palpable, man. So when you get around Charlie Smith, it's why I love having him as Uncle Charlie for our kids. They get better, I get better, and hopefully through this process, you've gotten better. Thanks for being here with the Mental Performance Mastery podcast. Dominate your day.
And just when we thought we were done, there's actually more. And I remember Ken Riza in grad school, he would say, "Attend a class, right? You see this in school all the time, like a three-hour graduate school class, two, two hours and 45 minutes in, people start packing up their bags." And he would always say, he'd go, "Hey, you don't pack your bags. You don't put anything away until we're done. He goes, you don't, you don't, you don't run 20 miles and walk or 26 miles and walk the last two. You don't play eight innings and walk through the last nine." He's like, "I'm just getting warmed up. We're only two hours and 45 minutes into this. I've been doing this for 30 something years. He goes, "The last 15 minutes might be my best 15 minutes. Get your notebooks back out." You know, so just like with this podcast, as you get going and the energy starts flowing, there's ideas that come. And you got one more life-changing idea I want you to share here.
I do. And, and, and the idea is very simple but very important. And this is, this is a small little device. And most of you could buy this at a CVS pharmacy, but you can't buy this one. And what it says on it is, "My Life, My Pen." See, I believe champions are born and can be unmade. Message to you today is, don't unmake yourself. When you write the story of your life, don't let anyone else hold the pen. Not your past, not social media, not what this world's going to touch you. Be the intentional author of your own life and create a great story for you, your family, your profession, and your relationships so you can go out and dominate this world and make an impact on others.
Charlie Smith, let's take that pen. Let's take that pen right here in front of these books and let that live there for the Mental Performance Mastery podcast coming forward. Let's put that right there. Let's broadcast some "My Life, My Pen." Let's get that turned around. We got some brand awareness right there. "My Life, My Pen." For those that follow moving forward, if you're watching the video, maybe you're listening to the audio, you don't see this, but you'll see it right there. It's where it now lives. "My Life, My Pen." Dominate the day. Thanks for being here.