Transcription
[Music] It's a long way from anywhere you've ever been before. Got to get your act together. We're not sure we love you; we need you; we love you; we hear you. [Music] [Music] Sacrifice is going on. [Music] Tonight. Funny. Only Hemingway. It's a nonsense, isn't it? Trust me. The old gr had to get it back to front. It's not a nonsense, aak. It's a leak. But, but I can't understand this, bunny. We're squeaky clean at Lens. We're state-of-the-art. We use a friendly... but why we gave her a doctor just last year. Oh well, look here. I didn't throw the bloody tomato, did I? Come what... Oh, I'm sorry, bunny. That's just not on. No, not in the present climate. Absolutely out of the question. Good. Oh well, we'd be happy to afford them every facility. Yes, delighted. We've got nothing to hide at Lan. Yes, yes, fine. 25% cut, and it's official. All over one rotten tomato and that mad woman at Fairley Hall. And they're sending a fact-finding team to investigate waste and inefficiency. Same team that did the Navy. Oh dear. Well, they probably hit admin first; they always do. Cut down on the secretarial staff. Well, I suppose I could always go back to Austin Rover. The soap in the L there was really lovely. I'm not joking, Dorothy. Neither am I, Ernie. Neither am I. Heads are going to roll. [Music]
Oh, Chen. Really sorry. Fill all the other boards. Got to catch this one before it goes away. W. That's really strange. I think what we've got here is a whole new dimension of catastrophe theory. Jen, please go away. I don't want any more catastrophes. Catastrophe theory doesn't have to be bad; it's just what happens when you push steadily along in one direction. Everything's nice and logical, then suddenly the whole thing flips inside out. What's going on? Oh, hello, Chin. I didn't see you down there. Sorry to intrude, but...er... now, eh? Hey, not on my account. We like your company, don't we? Uh, yes, very much. We think you're brilliant. Why don't we invite him in? H. Cuz I don't think Dr. Daer would be up to it. Oh, anyway, haven't got the time. I've got the uh head hunters after me today. Bags are first in the shower. Right, right. That's a wonderful big girl. Got there, Steven. Yeah, yes, she is. That makes you sad. I don't think I've got her for long. The head hunters are after her. She won't stay here. She loves you. That big girl. I know about all this stuff, Chen. She's younger than I am; she's cleverer than I am; she's stronger than me; she can run faster than me; she's randier than me. You know, when I dream about her, she's always ahead of me, getting further and further away. Remember catastrophe theory? Sometimes the whole thing just flips inside out. So the axman cometh. 25% overall, and fear stalks the campus, and no one is safe. I suppose it's only reasonable that Lan's University should make its contribution to the unemployment figures. Not volunteering, are you, Rose? No, Bob. As a matter of fact, I think the cuts could be a way of rectifying some of the inequalities in the system. Inequalities? Oh, I see. Yes, we could chuck out all the chaps who've had the cheek to get themselves educated privately, couldn't we? And then we could all eat peas off our knives. That's the sort of thing, actually, Bob. I did mean inequality as between the sexes. Oh, really? Got you now. But, Rose, you mustn't think of it like that, honestly. Steven, Jock, and I, we all consider you are equal in almost every way, don't we, chaps? Bob? Yes. St... Don't be a pratt. This is a serious situation. Oh, is it? Right. Yes, thanks for pointing it out. It is a tragically serious situation. A 25% cut represents over a thousand undergraduates. My God, yes. I'm more than 100 academic staff; at least 200 ancillary staff; half a... none. Sorry, sorry. And one doctor from this practice. Ah, um, CH. This investigative team. Do we know anything about them? No. Apparently they played merry hell with the Navy's short establishments. Apart from that, just three names: SS, Sod, and Pity. Man, that wouldn't be PR Prettyman by any chance? Jock. Shury. Mlin. And the Treasury fellow. The initials are PR. Heard of the man, have you, Bob? Oh, you know him vaguely? Fair-sized plant. You never before...? S... No, Lord, no. Reminds one rather of Catrick... Catarig... Oh, yes, Catarig. Hope the food's better. It won't be. What was that? Prman? Nothing. Nothing material. [Music] [Applause] That way, I think. So. [Music]
Everything all right for...? Uh, yes, fine. Hello, young man. Looking for Bazard? Yes, but I wasn't quite sure where... In here. Says Doctor Buzzard on the door. Do you see? That's how you tell you've got the right room. Clever, don't you? Right. Let's get you fixed up. Well, of course you're under AEM. We're all under strain. I myself expect to feel the axe on my poor old neck at any moment. And, of course, I'll prescribe something. Professor Ember. But we're not machines, are we? Even a professor of mathematics is not a machine. How does it feel inside? It feels... I haven't published for 5 years. From choice. And now I'm on the verge of a breakthrough, a new development in catastrophe theory. This is in strict confidence, of course. Of course. One of my research assistants is stealing my ideas. Dear, dear, dear. A young man? Would that be...? Yes. An Asiatic. Interesting. If he publishes first... They say I'm burnt out. Burnt out? Or you to be a boy? No, no. I'm 42. Most pure mathematicians are burnt out by the age of 13. With these cuts... Yes, yes. I think I'm beginning to understand. You're not burnt out. The problem is that one of your young men is stealing your fire. Exactly. Yes. I've seldom heard it put more poetically. I'd hazard a guess that John Thomas hasn't been up and about lately. What you're suffering from is impairment in the sexual drive. Don't worry. These situations can often... how shall I put it... turn themselves inside out in a matter of moments. What? What do you know about catastrophe theory? Have you been talking to Chen Yao? Not that I knew of. Madar CH. Now sit down, why don't you? And let's have a little chat about libido. Professor Ember. Well, Dr. TI, it's quite straightforward, as I see it. You've got the screaming abdabs, and I don't blame you. What should I do, Dr. Bazard? Kate says I've got to go back into school teaching. Well, my wife, Deanie, gets these notions too. Just tell her to belam. Keep taking the tablet. No, no. You don't understand. Kate's an acronym: Council for Accreditation of Teacher Education. Ah, you're in the education department. Senior lecturer on the Mickey Mouse degree. So you give lectures on how to control the seething masses, do you? Uh, broadly speaking. And now they say you've got to get back in there at the chalk face, or you're out on your ear. Right. More or less. Yes. Classroom credibility, they call it. And you haven't set foot in a real school for what... um... 15 years? Dear, oh dear. Well, some would say you've got it coming to you, but I'm sympathetic. Hairy places these days. State schools wouldn't let my kids near one of them. I can't... I mean... Good. Oh, come on, cheer up. I'll write you out something stronger. Give me back that script there. Feel no pain with that stuff. And um... I should get yourself a riot shield, secondhand, please. Job. The nonflammable kind. Yes, thank you. Well, that's it then. Off you go to Bass Street. And I shouldn't worry too much, buddy. You'll probably be on strike most of the time. Yes. I can see exactly why you're concerned, Alice. It's a very difficult time for women, but I don't think drugs are the answer in this case. Thing is, I can't concentrate with things like this. Everyone says they're going to kick out 25% of the second year. Well, even supposing they did, why should it be you getting steady gamma minuses for everything? I see you're in the German Department, aren't you? Yeah. I thought so. Who's your tutorial supervisor? Dr. Labeling. And he's the one who's sexually harassing you? Yes? No, no. I didn't say that. He's giving you steady gamma minuses when you're clearly a highly intelligent woman. I think that's as clear a case of sexual bullying as any we're likely to see, don't you? Oh, yeah. I never thought of it like that, Alice. I'd like you to go back to the German department and insist on having a female tutorial supervisor. If they ask you why, simply say you have your reasons. At this stage. But there isn't a female lecturer... Really? Good. That'll give them something to think about. And you won't be on your own. The Women's Committee will back you all the way. And I think you ought to do some assertiveness training at the Wellwoman Centre. The classes are free. I take them myself. All right. Trific. Thanks a lot. We're going to take care of you, Alice. Oh, and uh, by the way, I think it might be a good idea to go to some German lectures and read some books, just in case. Yeah. You're right. Brilliant. Mr. Rust. And you're the um Arts Council fellow in creative writing. Right? And how's it all going? Oh, fine. Well, not bad. Well, it's horrible, really. The room they've given me, it's a bit like death row. But he hasn't got a phone. That's one good thing. My students write about suicide mostly. Yeah. I'm having a whale of a time. Are you able to do much writing of your own? Well, that... that's the problem, really. You see, I seem to owe the BBC 177,000 quid for reasons I can't quite understand. So I decided to write off the debt with this little serial. Set into place something like this... Well, you know the sort of thing. Sharp, saic, black comedy with a bit of chovi and understated pathos. Heaven on Wheels. Right. The thing is, this place is crazy. Every time I think of something really outrageous, reality comes up and tops it. Any damn fool thing I think of really happens. It's as if the university is mocking my powers of creative intelligence. I keep getting this feeling that things are going seriously out... out of control. I do know exactly what you mean, but I'm not sure that I can help you with it. That's all right. I didn't really think you could. Um, what are you doing? Oh, that... that's what I really came in to see about. Want you to take a look at my foot. Two nuns ran over it in the car park this morning. See what I mean? Back here. Oh, damn! Already? Couldn't you...? Ah, come in, gentlemen. Come in. Morning. Make yourselves at home. Um, let's sit over here, shall we? It's much more comfortable. Coffee? I think we've met before, haven't we? John Burlington House was it? Burlington House indeed it was. Annie. Yes. May I introduce Granville Sad of the Property Services Commission? How do you do? Delighted. And uh... PR? Prman? Oh, [ __ ] I'm sorry. Um... Treasury. Oh, yes. Good. Fine. Um, well, gentlemen, I'll lay all my cards on the table. A 25% cut has come as something of a shock. I would pretend it hasn't, and that's why I'm delighted to see you here. Now, I want you to feel free to go anywhere you want, to see anything you want to see, to talk to anyone you want to talk to, because I'm confident that you'll find... um... that you're in the most u... in the most cost-effective campus in the British ISS. Knowing you, honestly, I think we may well find just that. Not as cost-effective as a poly. I'm sorry, Mr. Prman. I didn't quite catch that. Oh, um... nothing really, Vice Chancellor. It's just that polytechnics are in general more cost-effective than universities. Hardly comparable, surely? Um... both servicing national needs for first and further degrees; both funded for research... um... though you're probably quite right, we're having to make a lot of noise at the moment about equal funding for the poce, of course. But I don't think that one's a serious runner. Hest. Not when you consider the background of the present cabinet, or any other past, present, or future. Yes. Well, I've worked out a possible um... fible program for the rest of the day. It's entirely up to you, of course. Wonder where you will... Oh, I'm sorry, but I thought you'd probably like to talk to the chaps in cybernetics, um... to hear about the plans for the Science Park. And that's entirely private funding, of course. And then I thought, tonight, to dinner at a rather... um... rather good little local restaurant. I've made sure a few of the key people from finance and development will be along, and u... you can make it a working meal and ask any questions you want, sort of thing. Well, that all sounds like a very satisfactory start. Good. Well, are there any... any initial questions before we kick off? Could you tell me where the laboratory is? Dear fellow, of course, yes. It's outside the door. I'm first on the left. Oh, right. No need to be too concerned about Bridan Nnest. He's a bit of an old ball, quite harmless, eh? And likes to wander around in his own... a... bit of a tourist, really. Ah, he probably won't be joining us for dinner this evening. Better, really, on the whole. Spill soup and all that. Ah, yes, fair enough. Well, gentlemen, welcome to Lulan. [Music] A. [Music] D.
I think I've got to take it, Steven. Will you like your Li...? Will I like it? Yeah, I love it. Leg at Hendon Police College. Well, fantastic. And it won't just be the ordinary cols. I'll be sorting out the real high-flyers: inspectors and above. Your girlfriend, uh... will be sensitizing the top coppers of tomorrow. Can I miss you? Oh, you could come. Not easy to get it... Come and be my man. Not going to afford you now. I think I've got to stay here until they check me out, anyway. Yeah. Thought... [Music] So... still, it's not that far. You could come and see me. I can come and see you. Won't be the same, though, will it? No, it won't. Well, how could it? Everything changes. You'll find someone else. Yeah, I might. I don't know, do I? We'll just have to see how it goes. [Music] Look, don't let's be sad about it. [Music] Things sometimes have a habit of flipping themselves inside out. Chen? Hello. Good evening. You're in my bedroom, are you? A mathematician? No, I'm a doctor. Look, what are you doing here? How did you get in? Ask Key. Oh, you're part of this investigative team? What a sense... No, you're not. You're Chen's Professor. We met at the VC's party. I'm Steven Daker. Oh, yes. Listen to me, Dr. Deer. The Department's rather worried about me. Mr. Sea. He's been playing with fire. It would be better if you didn't mention my visit to him, would it? Why? Just take it from me, Dr. Deer, as his Professor. My apologies for any inconvenience. Good evening to you, Dr. D. What you do, Dr. Bazard? How you there, Dr. Rosemary? Hello. Hello. Nur G. What's the matter with your finger? Um... oh, nothing. Little scratch. Well, I have a look at it for you. Oh, no, no, no. Thanks. Suit yourself. Make yourself at home, my dear chap. Oh, thank you. Sorry. Um... yes. Well, the... the committee has asked me to take a look at the medical centre with a view to recommending one of us for redundancy. Really? 25% cut for doctors? Oh, yes, I see. Yes, that would be logical. But you're not necessarily going to do it? Oh, no, not necessarily. No. We have quite a wide range of options. Uh... we might recommend winding up the practice as a whole. What? Well, there is a notion abroad that one might do an asset-stripping exercise on the whole university. Move a couple of prestige departments over to Cambridge, say, or the polytechnic sector. Close down the rest and dispose of the campus as real estate. I don't suppose anything will come of it. Um... I shouldn't really be telling you that, actually. Um... I'm just the dog's body. They've told me to spend a day with you, watch you work, and get the smell of things. Awfully sorry. Must be a frightful nuisance. Not at all, my dear fellow. It's just a question of browsing through some paperwork. Ah, bit of a snag there. We're living in the 20th century in this practice, and um... all our records are on floppy discs. So if you're not uh familiar with the technology, old chap... I am, thanks. Oh, right. Fine. Good. And apart from that, if you don't mind me mooching about and chatting to you... awful bore, I know... I'm not sure that'll be possible, Mr. Prettyman. All of us have a full day of visits and surgery. And even if my job depends on it, I'm not prepared to compromise a doctor-patient relationship by having a lay observer present. Oh dear. Sorry. Yes, of course, you're quite right. It's very crass of me. Thing is, you see, I've got to... Perhaps you could spend some time on the floppy discs this morning and then chat with us in the evening? Right. Good idea. We'll work you out a program. Prettyman. Still play squash, do you? Uh... still... I don't quite... Oops. As you were. Enough said. Uh... do you happen to play squash occasionally? Yes. Though chess is really my game. Right. Half past 5 on the court. To the death. We'll take the rest of the evening from there. [Music] Do... there we go. 52 to BU. Oh, thank God. What was that? Up man? Oh, you don't look too grand, old buddy. Yes, I... I do feel a bit below par. The fingers are throbbing a bit. Raise circulation. Nature's way of telling you it's healing. Don't you worry, buddy. You're not going to die. Not till you see the old red lines under your armpit. You gave me a damn good game. Takes you back, doesn't it? Yes, yes, it does. Lord, you were a cool one this morning. Could have sworn you didn't remember me. You did, though, didn't you? We can talk in here, perfectly safe. Not a beak from here to the horizon. Buzzard, of course I remember you. Life's a funny thing, isn't it? All those years ago, and here we are again. Yes. You can come clean with me, Pi. That was just a smoke screen, wasn't it? About all those options. I mean, what you're really looking for is one redundancy in the practice, isn't it? You can tell me. Won't go further than these four walls. Well, yes, it does seem the likeliest of the alternatives. Thought so. Thought so. Well, present company accepted, uh... got quite a choice of candidates, haven't you? Um... what makes you think present company is accepted? What? Well, you know, I mean... I mean, we go back a long way, don't we? Happiest days of your life. Two old buddies. PR Prettyman and Buzzard Major. Um... I really don't think you remember at all, do you? When you were head of Junior Dorm, you didn't call me PR, did I? No. You called me Ugly Bum, and you slipped it to me every single bloody night. Good God. Are you sure? And it was you who pointed out to the whole lower school that the label on my vest said Cherub. So it did. So it did. Cherub. I remember now. Yes. You see, I used to lie awake every night trying not to sob too loudly. And what I used to think was that one day I'd get that thick sadistic bastard Buzzard Major, and I'd bloody well crucify him. Really? I see. But I'll... I'll try not to let that influence me too much, Dr. Buzzard. And your... on away... he... you say... what to... [Music] Say. Oh, God. Here he is. My turn for the cruel Inquisitor. He doesn't look too cruel to me. Um... over [Music] here. Sorry. I'm only a bit... um... ly Turtle. This is Mr. Pretty... It's all right. I'm not stopping. Uh... get your drink. Right. Uh... bitter. Oh, that's very kind of you. And uh... I wonder if I might... Oh, yeah. The peanut man. I'll get you some. Oh dear. Squash go well? Uh... not too well. Bob took me to play squash on my first day here. He's very good, isn't he? Ah, yes. As a squash player... Here we are. And the peanuts. Oh, thank you. Oh, congratulations, by the way. Thanks. Uh... what for? The uh... the Hendon job. How did you know about that? Oh, sorry. Um... I hope it's not confidential. It's just a contact. Your name came up in connection with a possible opening in social policy, but Hendon got in first. They're very pleased with themselves at Hendon. And uh... so they should be. Yeah. Well, thanks. I'm sure you'll be much missed here. Yes, she will. Come here, a Prettyman. Um... how did you do that? Just natural [Music] talent. Any... I've got to go now. Um... excuse me. Don't drink too much. Very gifted young woman, that. Yes, I know. Not just with peanuts, you understand. Yes, I do. [Music] Understand. Four doctors full-time in a practice of this kind is a bit of a nonsense, isn't it? Um... you have very few young children and over-70s, and that's where the bulk of a doctor's work lies. Or have I got it wrong? No, you haven't got it wrong. It is a bit of a luxury. Dear. I was afraid of that. Look, um... Dr. Daer, I think I ought to say that in these exploratory interviews, the usual form is for people to tell me lies. Does it get them very far? Um... hard to say for certain. Buzzard took an interesting line. He showed me how the practice could be run by one, or at the most two doctors, using computerized self-diagnosis and standardized medication strategies, with overseas students paying full private fees. The medical service would become a profit-making sector of the uh... University. I see. I was hoping that you might well persuade me not to adopt that point of view. Yes. One does like to know who one's doctor is, especially in a place like this. I should think it is a crazy place. I've seen crazier. Must be terrible, your job. That's it. Is rather... It's awful responsibility, Steven. But you do share it, the responsibility. I mean, you're part of a team, like us. Well, um... not really. Shouldn't really be telling you this, but... well, SS and Sod are just the front men. I make all the judgments, do most of the work before I visit the place, of course. Read all the files, ask all the right questions. Former working model. Your friend Chenon. Now's a gifted man, isn't he? Yes, I think so. I think so. At UCLA too, still... um... where was I? Toms and S. Yes. Good chats. They're here to keep the Vice Chancellor off my back so I can do my work. You see, they're um... they're not actually very bright, you see. And you are? Yes. Afid so. PR Prettyman. Bit of an odd ball too. Clever by half. You feels strange. Very warm in here. Yes, it is rather. Perhaps you should go a bit slower on the beer. Oh, I don't think it's the beer. I always drink a lot of beer. Your colleague Buzzard's a bit of a fascist, isn't he? Bob is all right when you get to know him. Serious. How about the other two? Well, Rosemary's a brilliant doctor, totally dedicated too. And Jock... well, Jock's just about the most distinguished name in the development of student... It's... you're not making this very easy, are you? Don't you want to fight for your job? Don't you like it here? Yes, I do. And I don't want to lose my job, but I don't want to... It's odd. I just feel a curious sense of fatalism about the whole business. Yes. What do you do if you're made redundant, Steven? Well, that's easy. Go to London. Try and get myself locom jobs. I see. A lot of B... Yes. It's the... the sexual life. It's uh... something I've never managed to organize for myself. You really should. You? Yeah. Well, it's uh... not all that easy. Good evening, Mr. Prettyman. Hello, Stud. Good evening. That's a nice dress. Can I say that? I've never seen you in a dress before. Yes, you can say that, Steven. Um... should... should we have some beer? I think the idea is that we have dinner, Mr. PR, if that's all right. If you haven't eaten already. Oh, no, no. I haven't. Um... actually, I don't think I remember to have anything to eat today. They say the Executive Grill is quite... V... We all right? [Music] How's the steak? Oh, um... very good, I think. Good. I rarely eat meat myself, but I do like to see a man eat steak. Strange, that isn't it? It's really quite a good place, this. Not a very moral place, I'm afraid. Politically, I mean. Catering charges the students the full-go rate for junk food, so it's able to subsidize this place quite heavily. Cholesterol and claret for the academic staff at 5 ahead. And, of course, they're waited on by their own students, which makes them feel good. Oh dear. Rather like Karck. I didn't realize there was a university at C... Oh, no, no, no, no. It's the army camp. Um... much the same, though, in essentials. That's amazing. I'd never have thought of that. You must look very deeply into our society. Um... yes, I suppose so, in a way. Um...
Miss most of it, of course. Not very observant. Blunder about, you know. You give a very good performance, Mr. Prettyman.
Performance, do I? You don't blunder about; you grasp things very quickly, don't you?
Oh, I don't. Not really. I feel quite out of my depth with you. I don't usually feel like that with people.
I expect you're always finding that.
What? Well, I suppose you'd have to call it the aphrodisiac properties of power. It's something I don't like to admit to, but there it is.
Do you mind?
Uh, no. Oh no, look, really, I I'm drinking all this. I don't have a very good head for wine.
Oh well. [Music]
Well, you're tired, aren't you? Um, I do feel a bit… um… sorry. You must have had a terribly exhausting day. Look, I've got an idea. Let's skip coffee here. I'll take you back to my flat. It's not far. You can put your feet up and relax for half an hour. Actually, there's something I'd really like you to look at—just a few notes on The Way We Run The Practice. Nothing very profound, probably. You'd find them rather naive, but I'd love your opinion. Or you could have a nap, whatever you like. [Music]
Really, you're a remarkable person, Mr. Prettyman. Very unusual man.
Hope did dear? Am I hard for me to form a judgment about that. I don't get any practice, you see.
Are you all right?
Well, that's… I'm fine, I think. Thank you. Um, my arm feels rather strange.
Only your arm? I feel strange all over.
Really? I don't usually make a habit of this, you know. Oh, and no, you've been very kind. I've taken up far too much of your time.
Well, don't go. Well, Dr. McCannon's expecting me. Woe and duty. Woe and duty.
Will we see each other again, Mr. Prettyman?
Oh, I I hope so. I'm glad, actually. Um, there was something else I wanted to ask you.
Yes? Do you think I could have another glance at those files of yours before I… [Music] …go? And Jock. Poor old Jock is… [Applause]…last. Well, the readiness is all. Walk towards the [ __ ] of light.
Mr. Prettyman, I'm not going to run away.
Um, Dr. McCannon.
No need to tell me, Prettyman. I know your errand and your fell purpose. The old king must be sacrificed so that the Loland may bloom again.
Uh, no, really, it wasn't that. Come closer, Prettyman. I want to see my executioner clearly. I um I I don't feel all that good. God, he disappeared. Where are you, Prettyman? No need to crawl on your belly like a snake. Where are you? [Music] Man, what's the matter with you? I'm… if you'd mind looking at my right armpit… an order request, Freemason, I suppose. Please, if you… [Music] …insist. You have not really dressed for this game, you know. Red marks. No, no. Freud and Melanie Klein every time for me. Now, let's get some light on this. Oh, I see. Red marks, Prettyman. You have acute blood poisoning. You're going to die. [Music]
Oh, morning. I'm not dead then.
Of course you're not dead. You're full as a gun with penicillin. You are up and about tomorrow. Good. You've been a bit of a mocky pop, haven't you?
How did you know? You let that little scratch get all infected. It… you would have been a goner if Dr. McCannon hadn't got his act together. Still, you're on the mend now. Has… has Dr. Rosemarie said anything?
Well, she's been in to see you. All the doctors have been in to see you. You've had four doctors and a nurse, and you have… you've been treated like royalty.
You're all… you're all very kind. Um, my case? Where's my case?
It's right by the bed here. Don't you worry. I must see my colleagues, Mr. SS and Mr… [Music] …Sod. Ah, gentlemen. Chen, what are you doing?
Packing my gear, as you see. Things flip around very fast here. What happened? University of Loland reluctantly finds it has to let Chen go.
What? What was it? Amber? Yeah, but don't worry about Chen. Amber goes to Hemingway and tells him a load of rubbish about me. Then the bit I don't understand… that guy… what's his name? Pretty boy? Pretty boy makes a phone call. Prettyman. That's a guy. Then suddenly Berkeley, California, can't wait to have me. First-class airfare, my own blackboard, my own surfboard, my own T-bird. All I have to do is think.
Well, as our national poet says, I think I could cope with that.
I'm sure you could, Chen, but what about all this? I mean, your new breakthrough and catastrophe theory?
Oh, D… I leave it to Professor Amber.
Chen, you can't do that. It's yours. He'll just take credit for it.
Well, I was looking at it all again last night. I found this big mistake right here in the middle. Everything after this is just a load of rubbish. I think it would take maybe a year to work it out.
Mr. SS and Mr. S… ah, yes. Come in, gentlemen. Excellent. Excellent. Come in. I'm sorry, as you've… uh… all been so kind, I thought you should be the first to know about our… um… recommendations for the practice and for the University as a whole. My colleagues are with the vice-chancellor now. Glad to see you're looking so much better, PR.
Oh, thank you, Buzzard. Um… uh… can I help you with that, Pi?
Oh, thank you. Now, now… as you've worked out for yourselves, four doctors in the present climate constitutes a luxury. The committee's recommendation is that Dr. McCannon takes early retirement with a suitable financial arrangement. You miserable, ungrateful kid. Um, however, in view of the tremendous strain the practice will be under with the coming merger, you'll want to buy Dr. McCannon back again on a freelance basis to give… consultation. So Jock gets two incomes. Um, that's how these things usually work. Uh, Dr. Deer to take over as head of the practice. Congratulations, Steven.
Yes, absolutely. Best man for the job, my dear boy. My kingdom will be in safe hands. But… uh… I don't think I'm up to it.
Um, that's the usual form, too. Sorry. Um, as to the university as a whole, we're recommending fairly sweeping changes.
Who's for the chop then? Well, the most important one's the vice-chancellor, of course. Ernest Hemingway. Well, it was obvious. He's failed to keep his talented people. He backed all the wrong horses, and he couldn't even flog the campus to the Japanese. His lack of principle, I'm afraid, is mitigated only by his lack of competence. He'll probably get a government post and something in the honors list.
You said something about a merger?
Yes. Um, I can't give you details at the moment. It'll necessitate some readjustments, but it should take care of the financial problem.
But who's it with? The… uh… Polytechnic?
Um, I'm not at liberty to say just yet, Rose. But… um… well, you might be able to guess. What's the fastest-growing employment sector in the economy?
Fast food industry. DHSS. Um, I'm afraid I can't say any more than that.
Head of the practice, eh? Didn't I keep telling you you were wonderful?
Yes, you did. I thought so too. They seem to like all of us, in a way.
Cheer up then. Here we are, the two big successes.
I don't want to be a big success, Lynn. I thought I did, but I don't. I just want to do my job and be happy. I just wish things could go along like this.
Everything changes, dog. I wish you could stay.
So do I, but it wouldn't be me if I did, would it?
No. I do love you, Lyn.
Yeah, I know. Me too. Bleeding tragic, is it?
Yes, it is. Oh, hey, things work out. Put your trust in catastrophe theory. Still early days.
Yes. All right. [Music] Lynn. Well, everybody's going. Am I going to cope?
You cope. Hang loose. And you can both come out to the coast and see me. D. Look at this party here. By the name of S. Yao. Right here, baby. Take my bags, Pit. And remember, sometimes things flip right inside out. Come on, man, get in. [Music] And now you're going. It's like the start of a new Ice Age, Lynn.
Yeah. Did you arrange all of this then?
Yes. You know, I wanted something in keeping with my mood. What'd you think of it?
Oh, hey, don't be sad.
I'm not sad. Not really. Really. I'm just waiting for things to flip.
Doc, doc, doc. Sorry to interrupt.
That's all right. How's your foot?
Oh, the foot's healing fine, thanks. Look, the main thing is I've cracked my story. Nobody could possibly think of this one. Listen, the University's going bust, right? So they sack the vice-chancellor. How's that… rust? Huh? That's not all. They then merged the university with this one. You'll never get… Henden Police College. Heaven on Wheels. What do he say? St… look, no, no, no. That means… [Music] [Applause]…just L… just my foot, doc. I got my other foot. Don't move. You're going to be all right.
Help me, dog. Help me.
It's okay. I'm looking after you now. Going to be fine.
Thanks, dog. Thanks.
Don't thank me. I'm just doing my job. It's a long from everywhere you've ever been before. Got to get your act together. We… not… [Music]…show we love you. We need you. We love you. We hear… [Music]…you. We need you. We living in a… L… life city. All there one or two are sitting pretty. And you got to get your act together. Please be sure we love you. We need you. We love you. We hear you. We need you. We love you. And we all got to L together. That's for sure. We love you. We love you. We…