Transcription
Thank you. All right. In a previous video, I talked about what does treatment look like for narcissism and emotional abuse. I'm Dr. David Hawkins from the Marriage Recovery Center and the Emotional Abuse Institute. This is such a complex topic, and as I was preparing to talk to you about this, I really thought about how incredibly complex it is. Anybody that is really thinking about getting help for narcissism and emotional abuse should be looking into someone who really has their chops and knows what they're talking about when it comes to narcissism and emotional abuse, because this is often a covert problem. It's called covert emotional abuse, and so just getting therapy from someone on the corner of Fourth and Pine is not going to do it. All right.
What are some of the underpinnings? Some of the underpinnings of treatment for narcissism and emotional abuse. There is an acronym that I've created, and the acronym is CREATE. All right. Yeah, here we go. This is treatment for narcissism and emotional abuse. CREATE.
C, the importance of cultivating boundaries. You show me someone who is narcissistic and emotionally abusive, and I will show you someone who is boundaryless. They are, they are driving all over the road. They're in other people's business. They say what they want to say, do what they want to do, be where they want to be. It, it's crazy. They don't stay in their own lane. They don't stay in their own lane emotionally. They don't stay in their own lane behaviorally. And so they've got to be assessed regarding their boundaries, and then they've got to be taught healthy boundaries, and then they've got to practice and cultivate healthy boundaries.
R, cultivating receptivity. Receptive to critical feedback. Oh my. Receptive to critical feedback. I mean, come on. How does growth happen? Growth happens by me walking through the world assuming that I've got to learn some things, assuming that I don't know it all. Ooh, narcissism. They know it all. They don't need any help. They do need help, and they don't know it all. We walk through the world receptive to critical feedback. In fact, we invite critical feedback. We invite it. Teach me. I don't know everything. I'm a learner. Cultivating boundaries, receptivity to critical feedback.
E, empathy and validation. Cultivating empathy and validation. I love this notion. And by the way, we're learning that empathy and validation skills are skills that are learned. They're learned. It's not one and done, but we can learn them. So if you're thinking about someone right now and you're thinking, they don't have any empathy, okay, they may not have any empathy, but if they're, if they are receptive to critical feedback and if they're willing to learn empathy and validation, immersing ourselves in the world of another. Again, uh, narcissism, it's all about me. Narcissism, I want my way. Narcissism, I know everything. No. Cultivating boundaries, receptivity to critical feedback, empathy and validation skills.
A, active listening. Active listening. Being quiet and really, really watching, listening, understanding another person. And might I say, understanding yourself, of course, of course. Active listening to yourself is critical, as well as understanding and listening to others. So active listening, it's such a beautiful thing. Someone has said, if we really seek to listen and understand another person, conflict dissolves. Conflict dissolves. Oh, oh, that's why you do that. Oh, you're different than me. My wife said yesterday, we were watching, we wanted to watch something different, uh, on the television, and, and she said this, and it just kind of struck me. She said, it's okay that we want to watch different things. Now, that may seem like a simple comment, but it really struck me. I walked away going, wow, well done, Christie, my wife. It's okay that we like different things. It's okay that we want to go different places. It's okay that we have different tastes. Active listening.
T, oh, this is a bit. They're all big, but this is, this is, this is a big one. Tolerating distress. Foreign. Soothe. Tolerating distress. So right now, you can, you can kind of see those that are narcissistic and emotionally abusive, that are emotionally immature, have no ability whatsoever to tolerate distress. No. Someone hurt their feelings. Someone drove in front of them on the freeway. Someone demoted them. Someone did something that's unconscionable, and they take everything personally. Like, I can't believe that you frowned when I shared that thought. Yeah, I frowned. It's okay. I can frown. Tolerating distress. But this is a skill, folks. This is a skill. It's not something that's one and done that you learn and then you don't have to practice it anymore. It's ongoing practicing. All right. Again, tolerating distress.
And the last E, learning to express and listen to feelings. Listen to feelings. Well, my wife told me that she thought I was self-centered. Oh, what's the feeling behind that? Do you think? Yeah, that person told me that I was doing a poor job. What's the feeling behind that? Do you think? And what are you feeling in the face of that? And we learn about vulnerability. Isn't emotional maturity in large part walking through the world in a vulnerable way, expressing feelings? All right. Again, does that say everything that we do in our men's Core group and in our Advanced Core Group, in our Core Strength group? It doesn't. It doesn't.
Treatment for narcissism and emotional abuse is a complex phenomenon, which, by the way, I've been doing now for 10 to 15 years, and I'm always learning more. We are always learning more at the Marriage Recovery Center and the Emotional Abuse Institute. It's a complex phenomenon. So if you or someone you care about needs treatment, my goodness, make sure that they have a program for treating narcissism and emotional abuse. All right. Again, CREATE. Here we go. CREATE.
C, cultivating boundaries. Critical. Gotta happen.
R, receptivity to critical feedback. Teach me. An openness, a receptivity.
E, empathy and validation skills. Learning to immerse ourselves in another person's world and validating their perspective. What you're doing makes sense. I get it. Or I want to get it.
A, active listening. I'm listening to you. I've created space within myself for your feelings to land. I have slowed my life down so that I can really, really hear you in a new way. It's a beautiful thing, by the way. It's called love. It's called love. It's called love. You know, when we really sit and listen and take a keen interest in another person.
A, active listening.
T, tolerating distress. Knowing that the flat tires of life are going to happen. Knowing that when the demotions, demotions are going to happen. Knowing that the bills are going to come in the door. Knowing that there's going to be, in this life, there are, there's a struggle, there's turmoil, and I've learned how to soothe myself, and I've learned how to show compassion to others. Tolerating distress.
And E, expressing feelings and living vulnerably. All right. We do a lot more than that, but taking ownership and growing. Those are key, key principles. And if you or someone you know and love needs help with narcissism and emotional abuse, boy, find a program that has all of those components in it.
As always, you can click subscribe. We've got many videos on this topic, and share this with others. Click on the link below if you are ready or know someone that needs help now. We're available. We have a client care team ready to help you. All right. As always, take care and God bless.