Transcription
We live in a time where masculinity is shamed and men don't know what it means to be a man. As a pastor and counselor, I've spent the better part of my life equipping and training others. My goal with this show is to translate my hard-earned experience into tools and tactics to help you become stronger as a man. This is a Brave Co podcast. I'm your host, Jason B.
Hey Bra Co, and I want to take a second real quick and tell you about our Brave Co conference coming up June 12th through the 14th here in Reading, California. This year's theme is Rise Up Men. We are going to rise up in our families, in our businesses, in our relationships, and our relationship with God. That is what God's doing in our life. If you have not been to one of our conferences before, I would encourage you highly to seriously consider stopping what you're doing, investing in yourself, and coming out to our conference. We don't do it the normal way that conference is done. A lot of guys are like, man, I don't want to sit and listen to a boring conference. You're not going to. Our conferences are super dynamic. In fact, we put each man into a group of 50 men. You have a leader, you have co-leaders, uh, that you're running with. You have team colors, team competitions, team pride going on. There's things to win and people to compete against as well. A lot of the ministry is also done inside of your, uh, team, which is really cool because you get tons of personal ministry. You also get to minister with other men.
The other piece that's really cool about the conference is we are doing a rite of passage from in 12 to 18 years old. Listen, this is so important because if you're a father, you don't want to be the only man pouring into your son. You have this opportunity to introduce your son into manhood with a ton of other men speaking into him, pouring into him, cheering him on. We have a 2 and a half mile Tough Mudder course that your son will go through. That is incredible. It's full of obstacles. He's going to love it, and he can come through the, uh, to the conference with you this year. And then, um, we have all kinds of other activations, incredible speakers. The other thing that I'm really excited about this year is every man is going to get a battle plan for his life. What is that? Well, that is a plan that you're building during the conference for the five main areas in your life: your finances, your, your relationships, your relationship with God, your physical health, and in your personal self. So you're looking at the different areas of your life and you're going, I want to ensure that when I leave the conference, I have a starting, a plan for my life. Our conferences are not mountaintop experiences. It is a catalyst into building a stronger, more powerful, more competent life. You will also have the ability to jump into discipleship at the end of the conference. Again, we're not just throwing on good conferences for guys to feel good. We're actually helping men build stronger lives. So if you want to jump into discipleship and run with the men in your group afterwards, you'll have the opportunity, uh, to do that, especially if the other guys want to jump in too. So I want to invite you again. That's June 12th through the 14th. I hope to see you there.
Welcome back to the Brave Co podcast, everyone. As you guys know, we are in our series, The Makings of a Man. It's all about the different attributes that make up a man, a healthy, powerful, strong man. And listen, like I said before, these aren't all the attributes. I just picked some of my favorites and, and we're going after them. So, but this, this week, I have one of my favorite guys in the world. Uh, this is a guy that has partnered with me at Brave Co. We've been running together for a while now, and a lot of you know him. Uh, his name's Greg Hendricks. Greg, uh, was a professional basketball player for a long time. Uh, he also helped to coach for the SuperSonics. He's been a pastor for a lot of years. He's also a chaplain, um, for several NFL teams and, and pro pro teams. But more importantly, Greg is an incredible father and an incredible husband and a really, really great friend. Greg, thank you so much, man, for coming on the podcast.
Happy to be here. Happy to be here, man. It's going to be fun. Looking forward to diving in.
Yeah, this week, um, I'm looking forward to it as well. This week, the topic is discipline. And as we always do, I want to start out by reading a story, story, um, an inspiring story about a man who lived his life with discipline and rose above the challenges of life and overcame. One exemplary figure from American history who demonstrates extraordinary discipline is Booker T. Washington. Born into slavery in 1856, Washington rose to become one of the most influential African-American leaders of his time. As a child, Washington witnessed firsthand the brutal realities of slavery, but he also observed the power of education and self-improvement. After slaves were freed in the U.S., he eagerly pursued learning, working tirelessly to overcome numerous obstacles on his path to education. Washington's discipline was evident in his dedication to his studies. Despite facing poverty and discrimination, he worked odd jobs to fund his education, often walking long distances to attend school. His determination caught the attention of his, uh, community, and he eventually earned a scholarship to Hampton University. At Hampton, Washington's discipline and work ethic impressed his teachers, who recognized his potential for leadership. After graduating, he became an educator himself, eventually funding, uh, founding the Tuskegee Institute in Alabama. Washington's discipline and leadership transformed Tuskegee into a leading educational institution for African-Americans. He emphasized, uh, practical skills and vocational training, believing that that economic self-sufficiency was essential for radical advancement. Under his guidance, Tuskegee flourished, offering opportunities for thousands of African-American students. Washington's famous Atlanta Compromise speech in 1895 encouraged African-Americans to focus on economic advancement and education rather than demanding immediate political and social equality. Throughout his life, Washington remained committed to his principles of self-reliance, hard work, and discipline. He believed in leading by example, demonstrating through his own life that perseverance and determination could overcome even the most daunting obstacles. Booker T. Washington's legacy as a champion of education and economic empowerment continues to inspire people today. His disciplined pursuits of excellence and his unwavering commitment to uplifting his community exemplify the values of hard work, resilience, and self-discipline that defined the American spirit.
Sorry about my fifth-grade reading level, y'all. It's just one of those days. But listen, I love this story. And I told Greg earlier, I didn't know what's, um, exactly what story I was reading. I have an assistant who helps me to put together this podcast. So it's cool that I read a story about a man who overcame so much adversity in his life, right? He was born into slavery, was born into poverty, was born into oppression, was born into little thinking, just the time of the days, right? Uh, and it's really cool to watch what happens in, in a man's life who refuses to not only dream, but he refuses to give up on the dreams that are in his heart. And he puts to practice day in and day out the dedication, the hard work that it takes to achieve something. And I just love this story because it really does show us that if you are unwavering in your discipline, that that will take you to a place that you could have never dreamed of. As a little boy, I could only imagine, uh, Booker T. looking at his future. I could only imagine that he didn't think that he would accomplish all that he had accomplished. But it's such a cool reminder of, of why discipline is important.
Greg, obviously, man, you have so much experience with living a disciplined life. Just simply becoming a professional basketball player in and of itself screams discipline. And when we're thinking about who we wanted to come on to talk about this subject, man, you're like, you're one of the men that I've seen in my life, in my own personal life, I watch it with my own eyes, who has day in and day out been a man of discipline. I watch you like, uh, last year, we went to two years ago, we went to a shooting school. MH. And when we arrived at the shooting school, one of the first things that we did, I don't know if you remember this, but we went and we looked for the gym. We found a gym inside of this really old barn. And you and I, uh, I was inspired by you. Got after it in the weight room. Yeah. And then the next day, I remember the next day, we went to bed late that night. The next day, you had already gotten up and went and worked out again. And you know, I'm on weekly calls with you every single week. On the call, you're in the gym working out, bro. You're hitting it hard. I'm going to let you talk here in a minute, but I, I really do. I want to introduce you and introduce why I'm having you talk about this because the difference between acquiring and wishing is discipline. MH. And you have so harnessed that in your life. Where did that come from?
Wow, great question. First of all, appreciate, appreciate the tea up. Yeah, I think discipline, um, over the course of your life starts to get developed. Um, cuz one season of discipline in your life does look the same as in another season. But I think innately, it starts with, you know, kind of what Booker T's story is, is just the will to press forward towards something that you're trying to obtain. And probably in that moment, for me, at that time, it was just like, how far can I? I believe I can go far in playing basketball. Just like every aspiring athlete, they, they aspire to become some type of professional or some type of impact in the sport. At that time, I think that's where it initially started. But as I started to go and started to work out and started to develop these habits, it just became, um, not only habitual for me, it just became a part of my lifestyle, you know, on how I, uh, really value just having some type of discipline. Um, you know, and it just, it carried. You know, I learned a new term today, which I really love, which is called skills transfer. You know, and my, my, uh, all the skills that I learned in disciplining myself to become an aspiring professional basketball player has now transferred over into my regular life, you know, and how I live my life, how I parent my kids, how I, you know, deal with stress, how I deal, uh, you know, with growing to being coming a man. You know, you got to have some non-negotiables in your life where that it just doesn't budge. No matter what, you almost build your day around those things. You know, you're joking like, you know, sometime I be on these calls, I'll be working out, and you know, you guys text me, I'm on the Zoom call and I'm like running. Or one day, like today, I had the weight vest on. You know? Yeah, you did. 30 lb weight vest and I'm running with it on. And you know, but it's just an overflow was a skills transfer. What I learned when I was young, it's like, all right, I'm just going to keep carrying this because it actually is beneficial for me. You know, there's, there's overflow of being healthy. And like I was telling Tim, you know, fitness is part of my witness. You know? And so when, when people see me, you know, especially in the circles that I'm in, it adds actually credibility to the message that I'm carrying as a man. Like, look, Christ is the center of my life. God is the center of my life. And it's overflowing, not just from the words that are coming out, but like, you can actually see it on me. You know, you can see it on my life. You can see it in my body. You can see it how I carry myself. You can see it in my health. And so I think to answer your question, where it all stemmed from originally, it stemmed from just a desire and drive to be better. If you want to be better in anything as a man in your life, you have to inherit the core value of discipline into driving towards that target goal. If you want to be a better, you know, communicator, then what are you, what are you disciplining yourself? Are you reading books? Are you practicing? Are you enunciating your words? If you want to be, you know, a man who understands how to build things, you know, are you understanding what tools to buy and how tools work? Or somebody like yourself, who's an amazing marksman, you know, with the rifle, it's like, all right, you got to have discipline enough to get behind the weapon and practice and learn about it and learn about how far a bullet travels and at what speed and at what trajectory and how you dial in the scope and everything like that. All takes discipline. And I feel like discipline really, you know, stems from a position of trying to try to be better.
You know, it's interesting because I think there's, there's really no man on the planet, at least that I've met, that goes, I don't want to be better. I don't want to grow. Maybe I've seen a guy in a hopeless state, but for the most part, even those guys, right, they want to grow, they want to get better. And yet, I think so many men start stuff that they don't finish. And, and it's stuff that's really important to them, like, uh, physical health, or they got a marriage that they know is failing, it's not going well, you know, it's painful, or a business that they're trying to grow, and they're just not putting the effort in into it and energy into it. And there's lots of reasons for those things, right? The hopelessness, the, the, the doubts that we face, the, in our insecurities, are feeling powerless. But how do we begin to grow the muscle of discipline? Because I think that, I think that we've gotten into this idea because of, uh, a lot because of social media, that some guys have it and some guys don't, right? Like, oh, there's an alpha male, like there's a guy that he was born, he was just born a leader, he was born with the ability to like crush life, he came out of the womb, you know, crushing life. And, and I know that that's not true. But how do we get, how does a guy who takes a look at his life, like a real honest look, 'cause that's what we're going to ask guys to do, take a real honest look at your life and go, what would happen if you added discipline to your life? I think all, every guy would go, man, if I added more discipline to my life, I could get where I want to go. But there feels like there's a chasm between or a disconnect between where I am and my ability to discipline myself to do what I say I'm going to do. And let me add a caveat to that or an addition to that, because I know that the problem is so many people rely on motivation when they start something, right? Like, uh, New Year's resolution comes, 99.9% of people are relying on motivation to do what they haven't done before. And we know that motivation is like a wave, right? It ramps up and then that baby's crashing down. And you purchase the gym membership, you signed up for the marriage course, you are started to read, becoming a better dad book. And then when that baby comes crashing down, right, motivation is like, it is like a muscle in that it gets tired, you start to wear down. And then when you have less motivation, you don't follow through. What's, what's like a couple keys to building a life of discipline? And please don't tell me that you have to pray more. That's definitely a part of it. But in addition to that, I would say, do start with doing little things consistently. That's a great step. Make your bed every day and make it with excellence. Like develop these habits that are super low-hanging fruit, that are right in front of you every single day, that you are basically a, a, uh, cementing and grooming and growing the ability to be consistent in small things because if you could be consistent in small things, when you start to take big leaps to do, you know, big things, you're just again, skill, there's a skills transfer going over to that. You know, like, like for example, like I'm a, I'm a stickler. Like I like to make my bed first thing in the morning. I get out of bed, I make my bed right away. My wife always gives me a hard time about that. But I, I tell my kids, like, make your bed. Like it takes you two seconds, three seconds, you know, to make your bed. You know, two minutes if you really doing it with, you know, prestige and pristine, you know, precision. But make your bed. Like that's a small, little step, consistent step towards being disciplined. And then, you know, start doing certain things around the house. You know, start saying certain things to yourself. I think taking small steps is really undervalued. And, you know, it's like, oh man, I want to, I want to lose 30 pounds. Okay, before you lose the physical weight, you got to inherit the mindset first of, okay, I'm about to go on this journey, and this is going to take consistent small, because there's going to be days you're like super sore, and there's going to be days you're incredibly hungry, and there's going to be days where you're being super tempted. It's the same thing with life. The more you can establish consistent small steps in your life, the more of a, you start to develop an amazing skill transfer that moves over in your life and into the things that you do. So when you go after these big targets, you know, it's just an overflow. Like, all right, right, I know how to break this down and not have to take big bite sizes. I could take little small bites towards essentially accomplishing my goal. So I would say that's, you know, one healthy first step for everybody that's listening or watching or whatever the case may be. Um, but I would also encourage you is understand that not only is it a physical step, but it's a mental step. And you need to mentally, you know, groom your mind, uh, on what you're targeting, and that this is a journey. You know, often times, man, when you're trying to establish really great discipline in your life, what you're doing is you are strengthening the muscle in your memory to do something so it just becomes habitual at that point. It's like, you know, for in my case, it was playing basketball. You know, I wanted to have a nice jump shot. When you shoot and you keep shooting and you keep shooting and you've done this so many times, it don't matter where you're at on the floor, what you, you know, what's coming against it, it just becomes like a habit. It, it's habitual. They look at, you know, greatest shooter of all times, or Stephen Curry, or, you know, these guys who are just super elite at what they do. What they don't see is all the little things that led up to that, you know, all the little steps of consistency. So I would just say, not only is it, you know, practicing the little things, but like training your mind and grooming your mind to like, okay, I'm going to go on this journey till I get to this point where it just becomes like autopilot in your life, and it's a non-negotiable. And it just spills over. And not only that, you know, when it's really starting to really take flight in your life, when other people around you are being impacted by it. Like my son, right now, my oldest son, 21, you know, he's, he's a young man now. And, you know, he started out and he, you know, liked to get in shape a little bit, but then he caught the bug and he started boxing. And now he's, you know, he boxes now, and he spars, and he actually broke this dude's nose. And, you know, he's like, he's like into his fitness now. So when you see him, you know, my friends see him, they like, oh man, your son is like in super shape. But y'all be like, oh, it wasn't like that from the beginning. Like, he, he had to develop these things over time. And now he's in love with it. Now it's just the overflow of his life. He like, I got to work out. You know, I want to work out. You know, I love it.
Because you're 100% right. Is if you make a goal, uh, uh, if you set a goal that is too high in the beginning, science shows us and tells us, and we see it, we experience it. It's such a high goal that the barrier to entry is, is too painful. Right? And so it's like going to the gym. If we just stay on this analogy, because every guy knows what that's like. You go to the gym, you're super pumped, right? You're pumped in the sense that, okay, you've got all this vision of becoming a new man and what it would look like to lose those 30 pounds. That's probably an average weight that guys are trying to lose, you know, 20, 30 pounds. I'm going to get in the gym. You know, some friends that are fit, and, and so you, you put down the money. You wake up 6:00 AM. And, and man, you're like, you're tired, but you're going to, you're going to get out there. You go to the gym. You don't really know what you're doing. You work out a whole bunch of things, feels awkward. You wake up the next morning, you're freaking sore. Absolutely, bro. You're sore like you haven't been. Yeah. But you, but you're also tired, right? 6:00 in the morning, you wake up again. Uh, you don't feel like it. You kind of roll out of bed a little less energetic. But you do it. You do it. You get on your gym clothes, you go to the gym. It's awkward. You walk in there again, there's all these buff people, all these guys that look better than you do. You feel, you know, it's a little embarrassing. You don't really fully know what you're doing. Lift a couple weights. You wake up the third morning, you're real freaking sore. Mhm. You're super sore. And you tell yourself, ah, I'm too sore today. I won't go. You know, I'll just hold off until I'm less sore. And then what happens is you don't go back because the barrier to entry is so high. I was reading the, I read Atomic Habits last year and Tiny Habits last year. Both of those books. And I love, I actually like Tiny Habits better. I think it's more practical. But what he was saying, his plan is, listen, if you want to start, and he, he's saying exactly what what you're saying. If you want to start something, you got a big goal, right? I want to look like Greg Hendricks. Yeah. I want that strapped six-pack. I want the cut up arms. You know, I want a good clean shaved head all the time. You know, small, uh, small goals. So he says, what you got to do is your first step is not even to get to the gym, which seems ridiculous. Your first step, at for the first week, is just to first put your clothes, your gym clothes out, right? And then you wake up at 6:00 AM. The first morning, you don't even have to get out of bed. You just wake up and, and then praise yourself. Okay, that's good. I am somebody who works out. That's your statement. That's your changing the mindset. I'm a guy who's, who's getting becoming physically fit. I care about my life. You wake up the next morning, right? 6:00 AM. All you do is get dressed. You can go back to sleep if you want to. You've already reached success. And you say your statement, I'm a guy who's physically fit, who, who's becoming physically fit. I care about my health, right? You can go back to bed. You've already succeeded. The next day, the only goal is to get dressed and drive to the gym. You drive to the gym. You've succeeded. M. I'm, and you, and again, your declaration, I'm a man who is, uh, becoming physically fit. Mm. I care about my fitness. I care about my life. And you slowly, again, you only allow yourself to do 10 minutes in the gym. The first time you go in there, you work one muscle group, one set. You go home. And guy, listen, guys are like, that's ridiculous. I feel like that's ridiculous. It's so ridiculous, it works. And here's why it works. Because if you tell yourself, I'm just, I'm all I have to do is work out for, if you get to the point, all I have to do is work out for 10 minutes. It's so low that you can do it. I don't have to do 30 minutes. I don't got to do 45 minutes. I don't have to be super sore today. And you do that for a while, and then pretty soon you go 15 minutes, and then 20 minutes. And you do that for a year, and you're doing an hour and a half. That's right. And if you do that in, in, in the areas of your life that you want to grow in, and you say your statement, I'm a man, whatever. I'm a man who knows who's learning how to take care of his wife. I'm a man who's learning how to lead his family. I'm a man who's becoming financially prosperous. And you start your statements, and you start small, and you don't shame yourself for starting small. All of the sudden, you look back in that compounding interest, bro. That week after week, like you're talking about Greg Hendricks, 30 years later, after starting to work out, you know, 10, 11, 12 years old, 30 years later, your brain, it now is literally wired for it. You don't think about it. It's not, it's not this massive battle. At first, big battle, now this is who you are. You don't, life without it. And I think for men, one massive piece is quit relying on motivation. M. And lower your bar. I'm not saying lower your goal, lower your starting point to what's, what you can realistically maintain in this season of your life, right here. And then be proud of yourself for it.
Yeah, absolutely. I would even, I'll give you guys a term, progressional engineering. How, what does that mean? You want to progressively engineer where you want to go to what target that may be. So you're using the workout analogy, and I love that, 'cause I was actually going to mention something like that. The first thing is not even about going to the gym. The first, the first progressional step in that whole thing is waking up that early in the morning consistently. So, you know, if going to the gym and getting fit, if you know, staying on this analogy is your goal, then maybe the first week should really just be spent on getting up early and being present when you get up early. That's the first step. Not even going to the gym. It's like, okay, I'm progression engineering my target right now, and this is how I'm doing it. And break it down that way because you will know that at, you know, my goal is not so lofty, like it's attainable, but I'm working towards something. And when you start seeing progress and you start seeing the fruit of that and you putting in the time, it just makes you want more. You know? And what it does is it actually strengthens you to give over the excuses. Oh, man, you know, I don't have this today, or hey, this is here, or hey, this is there. I always tell people, look, you can either make progress or you can make excuses, but you can't do both. So you, you're going to have to do, you're going to have to do one. And most men, they want to make progress. And let's just, you know, flip it to just being a man. What does that look like? You know, I want to get better. And talking to my kids. Okay, we take small steps. Maybe the first step is saying, hey, son, or hey, daughter, or hey, whoever, I apologize for falling short. My goal is to do this. That's the first step. Like being open about where you're trying to go. Or maybe it's, can we take it, can we take it one more step? What one more step smaller? Yeah. Is I put my phone away when I'm at home. There we go. Now we're talking. I come in the door and all I do is put my, my phone away, and I'm present. I do that for the first week. I'm just present. I'm present. There we eat dinner together, right? And then I'm starting, and then the next step is I'm starting to evaluate how have I led my kids well? You know, or where maybe maybe so that I know if I'm going to apologize, at least I have a clear. You're building confidence like that. You can, I'm building confidence that I can come home and that I can lead them well, that I can have a conversation with them. You know, I think the next step would would be have have intentional conversations with your kids that aren't intense, but they're connecting. They're, and get good at that, right? Like, I don't have to have this crazy conversation. I'm going to have a connecting conversation. That's right. I'm going to care about what he cares about. You know what I'm saying? Like, I think that, I think I do. Man, this is the pathway to to men building strong, powerful lives. Here's where we ultimately want you to get to, men, is where you answer that question inside of yourself that you have what it takes to do, dot, dot, dot, what God has called you to do. That's right. And what Greg said in the very beginning is 100% absolutely true. When you wake up in the morning, you have to wake up like a winner, like a champion. Make that bed. It's the easiest thing that you can do, right? Is when you, when you make your bed, subconsciously, you're telling yourself, I've already accomplished something. 100%. Brush your teeth. Don't leave the house without brushing your teeth. Brush your teeth. You're telling yourself, I'm taking, I, I'm good at taking care of myself. Mhm. But, and, and the most important thing is you're building this mindset that I can do. I can do hard things. I can do things that really matter to me. I can, I can do important things. And, and I really think, Greg, like, if we can get men who, by the way, weren't handed this, and, and maybe I should start too, by saying this, like, Greg, you didn't have a dad. You grew up with your dad. And so, and I want to say that because a lot of guys look at me and go, well, your dad taught you. And the truth is, like, my dad taught me in some areas, in other areas, no. But you didn't have a dad. What was supposed to happen is your parents, right, are supposed to help you build discipline into your life. You're supposed to help you grow these areas of discipline. A lot of men didn't get that. A lot of men grew up in single-parent homes, grew up with dads that were checked out, or grew up with parents that didn't require a lot. And you miss out on learning how to do hard things. And so you didn't develop the healthy habit of longsuffering, which is a fruit of the spirit. You didn't grow up building healthy habits. And so I think for a lot of guys, what do you missing? You're not, you're, it's not like you're missing the, the ability to do it. You're missing the identity and then the framework to do it. And so I think if, if guys can understand what they're building, you're building in yourself that that skills are transferable thing that you said earlier. You, you're building inside of yourself. If I can get good at making my bed, that transfers over and I can get good at taking care of my wife. I can get good at taking care of my kids. I can get good at taking care of whatever it is that you want to. Yeah, small steps of progress, man, really, really does something to a man's psyche when you do little small things because small steps of consistent, uh, progress will help you overcome small, uh, distractions in your life because you'll, you'll have all these distractions come at you. Oh, you got to do this, or hey, this is going home. There'll be things during the day, for example, like, um, I got to go take a flight super early in the morning, and usually I work out in the morning. I'll make sure that I'll will get up earlier that day. Like I'll make sure it's like, hey, this is a non-negotiable because it's a part of my lifestyle. If I don't do this, a, you know, a distraction is going to contend for that space and that time for your life. You don't make time for these things, and you're not intentional about making time, you're not intentional about taking small steps of discipline. Small steps of distraction are going to come creeping in and try to rip that away from you. As a man, that's as a father, that's as a husband, that's as someone in your community, maybe someone in your church, someone on your job. You know, if you can really develop small steps of discipline, it will help you overcome small steps of distractions that come against you. I always believe that because, man, distractions happen, man, man, come on, let's be real, like distractions happen. You get home, you're tired, you, you know, you just get off work, and you don't, you don't want to have that conversation. Maybe you don't want to be present with your kids, and they're getting on your nerves. They're like, all right, I'ma put my phone away. I'm going to leave it at the door. What happened at the job, even if it is tough, and I'm going to engage. But you just don't get there overnight. That has to be something that you habitually cultivated in your house over time. So when something really big does come, you know how to respond as opposed to just react, and it just completely wipes away all the work that's been done. So I would, I would suggest that you said a word a couple times, the non-negotiable, and I really think that that's incredible. It's an incredible word for this conversation because if you figure out what your non-negotiable is, then it forces you to rearrange your world around it, right? And so when we're talking about being disciplined and setting goals, a goal has to have a structure around it because if, if a goal doesn't have structure around it, it's not a goal, it's just a hope, right? It's a wish. And wishes don't come true. They don't, they really don't. So what, uh, someone once said, um, don't, they said, uh, it's actually John Maxwell in one of John Maxwell's books. He said, don't be impressed with goal setting, be impressed with goal getting. And so here's the thing, is when I really set a goal, when I'm really serious about it, my time, my effort, my energy, my money, my resources are pointed towards it. That's right. So what does that look like? It actually inhabits a spot in my calendar. I sit down and go, okay, if I'm a man who works, who is physically fit and cares about his physical health, then on my calendar, I have honored that and I have prioritized that. My wife knows about it. My friends know about it. This is what I'm doing. And I'm protecting that spot. And, and, and I'm setting myself up for success. I'll give a really good example. When I first got married the second time, my wife, my wife Lauren, what was very important to her was that I would help contribute to taking care of the house when I got home. I wasn't super good at it, not because I didn't want to be, just I could literally step over a pile of clothes in my house and not know that I did it. To God, I could walk past like chaos and not know that I walk past chaos. E, I could walk past her rearranging the furniture, even to this day, and not realize that I walk, that she rearranged furniture the other day. I said, gosh, babe, that's such a nice painting. Um, did you just get that? She said, babe, I got that like months ago. Because she's so good. Look, dude, I just focused on her. It's like a tracker beam, bro. And I walk in, I'm looking for her. So she used to get so frustrated. It actually became this place of real tension in our relationship because, you know, I could, I could just leave my stuff out and I could step over everyone's stuff. And so finally, after like, man, I really have to grow in this area. I quit wishing I would grow. I quit shaming myself to be different. And I set an alarm on my phone, 4:45. Every day, 15 minutes before I got off work, my alarm went off, and it says, it, it had a name. I, I titled my alarm, it says, the house has needs. The house has needs. Mhm. Reminded me every single day. That's right. So I had to make a choice. I either make my wife my mom and get mad at her, blame her for mothering me, or I quit feeling like a boy, a young boy, and go, okay, I'm going to prioritize my time, my effort, my energy. 4:45, as I'm driving home, I'm thinking to myself, you're a man who takes care of your priorities. Y. I get home, I don't even focus on my wife. I go, hey, babe, and I'm looking around. I'm actively looking around for stuff to pick up. And I feel proud of myself. I feel like the man. I do that. I left that alarm on for an entire year, bro. Entire year of my life. I left this alarm on. Guess what I do now? 13 years into marriage, without thinking about it. That's right. That's wisdom. If my wife is cooking food and she gets out to go take care of the kids, naturally, even without thinking about it, bro, I move into the kitchen and take over where she left off. When I come in the house, if stuff's a mess, I'm not, I am not by nature a, a clean freak. I'm not. I clean it to the standard that her and I agreed to. And, and that's something that's become a part of me. Last night, she's at the women's conference. I put the kids to bed. I'm tired, man. All I want to do is lay in my bed and watch nine hours of Gold Rush on the History Channel. But because of we've built this, I built this habit. I put the kids to bed. I do my rounds, right? I clean up. I clean the counter like she taught me to clean it. I clean the, the dishes like she taught me to clean it. Because I'm thinking, this is what we do. I've created a culture around, this is what we do. And here's, here's my point is we have to move it. We have to move out of our minds into our calendars, into our bank accounts, into our our resources, pulling other people in. When you're changing and building your life, men, being disciplined isn't something you hope you become. It's something that you structure in your life. You become, you become disciplined by doing things that ensure that in case that make sure that you follow through. Quit trying to remember to be a better husband. Put it in your phone. I teach guys this all the time. I, hey, set an alarm at 12:00 at lunchtime that says, how's your wife doing? It reminds you to text her. Hey, babe, I love you. Thinking about you. I'm thinking about you. Now that my alarm went off. Listen, is that cheesy? It's not. It's responsible. And pretty soon, guess what? A year from now, you won't have to have a reminder that says, hey, your wife's at home with the kids, working, hustling. Take you two seconds to send her a text. What happens when you remember your wife? All of a sudden, she feels cared about. She feels loved. And you're a man. You become a man who knows how to take care of his family, protect his priorities, because simply because you took one minute to program your phone one time, and then it takes care of you. That's right. That's right.
So well put. And I, and I, I love that what you just shared and how it bloomed into something really amazing. Started with one small, simple act, a step of progress. I'm going to set an alarm on my phone. I'm going to set an alarm on my phone. And that alarm turns into, you know, years later, a part of your lifestyle. And what you're doing, man, you need to take heed of what, not only what he's saying, but what what God is saying to you right now is like, you know what? There's a small step that I have in store for you that you need to take and be proactive and partner with it. You know what's funny, man, is that so this actually just happened recently is, uh, I ran a half marathon for the very first time. And I got invited by another, by another pastor. Pastors don't be running no marathons, man. You know what I'm saying? So he's like, man, we're all running in this marathon. You should come join us. And I'm like, uh, all right, you know. But here's the reason why I'm telling you this, because a half marathon is about 13 miles, right? It's about 13 miles. And you have to understand, I run regularly anyway. So on an average day, I'm running between about four miles to, you know, maybe five miles. That's, that's an average thing for me. But that has been built up over many years. So when he asked me to run a half a marathon, it wasn't such a daunting task for me because I had already developed habits pertaining towards that goal. What's the point? The point is, when you start to develop healthy habits, maybe it's setting an alarm on your phone, maybe it's texting, you know, a family member or your wife, or, you know, being intentional with your kids. When you start to form match something and then there's an audacious goal that's ahead that you might try to attain or you're going for, you're already over halfway there. You're over halfway there. And in my case, they're like, let's run this marathon. So yeah, I bumped up my training and I did a little bit more than I normally would have been doing anyway, which is the same for you, men, as that if there's a target in you go, as you go and you progress, you will start bumping up the things in your life that's actually, you know, showing fruit. So I bumped up my training, ran 13 miles and finished. And my goal was to finish underneath two hours, you know, and I finished at like 150 something or like that. But, uh, I also wanted to finish backpedaling the finish line because when I work out, I backpedal like on a treadmill and stuff like that. So that was one of my goals is to, all right, I'ma finish and I'm going to backpedal through the finish line because, awesome, because I've been doing it. And I was actually able to do it. What's the point? The point is, even not about the marathon, the point is that when you develop small progressional habits in your life, men, set an alarm on your phone, telling your wife you love her, telling, being intentional with listening to your kids, making your bed, take out the trash. Small things, you know, these are small wins that you can start accomplishing in your life. You'll start to see the big things are way more attainable than you think they are. I would encourage you guys with that.
Come on. I'm going to read a couple of quotes and then we have a challenge for the men. So one of the, one of the things we're doing with every one of these weeks and attributes is we're giving the men a challenge, an activation. So here's, here's a couple quotes that I really love on discipline. Discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishment. By Jim Rohn. With self-discipline, most anything is possible. That's Theodore Roosevelt. Discipline is choosing between what you want now and what you want most. Old Abraham Lincoln. That's a good one. Yeah. Discipline is the refining fire by which talent comes, ability. Come on, man. Good dude. Yeah. A lot of people have talent, but, uh, they, they're not able because they don't, they don't discipline themselves. Success is nothing more than a few simple disciplines practiced every day. That's the last. The ability to discipline yourself to delay gratification in the short term in order to enjoy greater rewards.
In the long term is the indispensable prerequisite for success. It's good, man. Yeah, man, good. Here's your activation for this week. This week, we want you to set a clear goal. So, identify a specific area in your life where you want to, whatever, be more disciplined. I want to exercise more. Uh, I want to, uh, improve my marriage. I want, but pick a clear, pick a, pick a clear, um, a clear target, right? Don't make it so big. Just start it really, really small, like we talked about. And then create a plan. Break down your goal into smaller, manageable tasks or actions. When am I going to start? What's it going to look like? How am I going to do it? And then eliminate distractions. Identify any distraction or temptation that may hinder your progress and take steps to minimize or eliminate them. What does that mean? It means if you want to, if you're going to set a goal, make sure that you clear a pathway, like we said, to to to take away those distractions. So, I'm not going to try and work out and squeeze so tight in the middle of my day that I don't know if I'm actually going to be able to do it, right? I got to set myself up for success.
Um, and then practice self-control, right? When faced with urges or impulses that conflict with your goal, pause and remind yourself of your larger purpose. So, this is where I want you to have that statement, that "I" statement, and I want you to, to, to say that to yourself. Set it in your phone, the "I" statement in your phone. Put a reminder at lunch every day that goes off that says your "I" statement. And literally would say, "I'm a man who is, who cares about his physical fitness. I'm a man who cares about, uh, uh, leading his family well. I'm a man who cares about prosperity and wealth." Whatever that is.
And then here's one thing that we didn't talk about a lot, but I'm going to talk about it right now, just really quick. To me, the easiest way to ensure that you are going to accomplish your goal is to not do it alone. When you're creating the muscles, building the muscles of discipline, find somebody that's more disciplined than you, who already has success in that area, and attach yourself to them. A great example of that is, um, I have a friend who lives right down the road for me. We're talking about physical fitness. I went through a nervous breakdown in 2009. In 2007 and '08, I was at the best physical shape I'd ever been in my life. I had lost, uh, actually, I gained a bunch of weight. I, I used to be 155. I gained, bulked up a bunch. When my nervous breakdown happened, I lost that because I lost the use of my arms for a year. Couldn't, couldn't even lift a cup without using two hands. And so I had a lot of fear in that area.
Well, fast forward, um, to 2020, uh, 2021, I moved next door to one of my good friends. He has a, a personal trainer that comes over every single week. He invited me to work out with him. I didn't have the discipline, the muscle memory. It was so painful. What I did is I told him, "I'll be there. I'll show up at 6:00 AM at your house." Because I had a friend that I knew I was going to meet, I woke up. That's right. And what my friend did is he taught me how to be successful. He said, "Jay, don't, I remember him saying, listen, don't, we're not going to try to lift what you used to lift. We're going to start small." And it was embarrassing at first because my friend is a beast. He's like, "They're having to change the weights for me every time." Guess what? Now we don't change the weights every time. In some areas, I'm bigger than him. Couple areas, he's bigger than me. But now, because I, I linked myself with a catalyst, somebody that was already in the flow, man, it made me better. So, stay accountable. Who's that one person that's stronger than you in this area? I've done that this, this year in my financial. So, a big year for me financially, as far as those are my goals to grow my prosperity and wealth. I sat down two Fridays ago with again, one of my best friends, and we, he laid out for me, "This is the plan. This is the spreadsheet. This is what we have to do. This is how much you have to make every month to reach this goal." And I've been grinding and doing it and keeping accountable. I would have never have got there, or even on my journey, without him.
Okay, and then celebrate your progress, man. There it is. That's the last one. Celebrate your progress. We all want to celebrate when we've, you know, look like Incredible Hulk or Greg Hendricks. We all want to celebrate when we got the bank account of, I don't know, Donald Trump or somebody. We, we all want to celebrate when, when we get the massive win. Celebrate yourself all along the way. Celebrate your successes. You're becoming a man of purpose, a man of of identity, a a man who who others want to follow, a man of God who is able and capable to learn new things and to grow and to lead. And so, as we're building and becoming stronger, more capable, more confident men to walk out the plan that God has for our lives, discipline is absolutely essential. It's not about lifting weights. It's not about, you know, being able to run the furthest. It's not about any of that. It's about being able to fulfill the call of God that ha that God's given you and put on your life. And when we become disciplined, we don't sell ourselves short for the plan that God has for us because we can sacrifice and delay for what God's calling us to. Great. Pray for us, man. Yeah.
Father, I thank you for our conversation today. Lord, I pray that men, God, will come into a greater measure of discipline for their lives, for their homes, for their families. God, for their spouses, if they're married. God, for their communities that they live in. Lord, I pray in the name of Jesus, God, that you would just really, really touch each man through this conversation. Lord, Lord, I come against, uh, uh, anything that is distracting them from making progress. God. God, I come against the distractions right now. And Lord, I speak, God, that there will be a fresh measure of clarity, a fresh measure of focus, a fresh measure of ownership, God, to take hold of what you have in store for them. God, I pray for great community around them to rally around their effort to be more disciplined. Lord, Holy Spirit, highlight that person, God, in their life. God, and if there's not someone that's in their life, some a resource they can attach themselves to, God, that would give them daily accountability, God, to walk out what you call them to do. Lord, we thank you, God, that you're doing a new thing. And all the men, Father, we all say, "Yes, Lord." And Lord, I pray, God, as they break these things down in their lives, Lord, that the fruit that is borne from it, God, would be a healthier man, a healthier leader, a healthier father, Father, a healthier community member, a healthier coworker, God, a healthier submitted believer unto you, Jesus. We love you. We thank you for the time today. We give you all the glory in your powerful name. Amen. Amen.
Greg, thank you so much, man, for coming on the podcast. As always, you're a beast. I really, really appreciate you and, uh, thankful to be running with you, man. Likewise. Brave Coen, get after that challenge. Let's grow the the muscle of discipline in our life and step up to who God is calling us to be. That's it for this week. I will see you next week on the Brave Co podcast. Hey, Brave Coen, hopefully you love this week's episode. Listen, if you have not subscribed to our podcast, you are already behind. Go ahead and click right here to subscribe to our podcast. And if you have not watched last week's episode, you can click right here and watch last week's episode. And listen, if you want to upgrade your wardrobe, you can check out some of our new hats that we have in stock and all our other swag. Go to Brave Co.org and you can look at our store there. Have a great week. We'll see you next week.