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Translator: Hani Eldalees I have directed four movies starring Will Smith. Three of them were the first three "Men in Black" movies. And even though they grossed about two billion dollars at the box office, Will Smith never thought I had the slightest idea. He wanted to take me to his old high school, point to me and say, "If this guy can be a successful big-budget movie director, then anybody can." The truth is, for all of you here, if I can be a successful big-budget movie director, then anybody can. So I'd like to share with you nine ideas that I have tonight that will help you in your future endeavors. And the first one will be a little disappointing to some of you, and that is that there is no upside to optimism. Okay, let me explain that. (Laughter) Every time I get off an airplane, I see it as a failed suicide attempt. (Laughter) That's where the adoption of pessimism comes in. As you can see, once I'm prepared, I turn to my sweetheart, my wife, and I say, "This plane is going to crash." (Laughter) Now I can relax because one of two things happens. Either the plane starts to bounce toward the ground, and at that point I'll catch up to you, my dear, and gloat, "Was I right, or what?" Or the plane lands safely, and we live. Win-win. So always be sure to under-promise and over-deliver. Okay -- Thank you, thank you. Okay, number two. Second, don't let anybody know that you're working on a comedy. Now this might be true specifically for movie directors, but it also applies to joke telling. Okay, you never want anybody to be funny. If the wardrobe person thinks that it's funny, your costumes are going to be way too colorful. If your cinematographer thinks that you're working on a comedy, your lighting is going to be way too bright. If your composer is composing a comedy, you're going to have slide whistles and triangles. And worst of all is if the actors think that they're working on a comedy. You just want your actors to play the reality of the scene, and you want the audience to find the comedy. Never let your actors be funny. Okay, number three, be punctual. I was in my senior year of high school when I asked my overbearing mother if I could go to a concert at Madison Square Garden with my girlfriend. The fact that I was 17 and needed parental permission is another story for another TED talk. Anyway, my sweetheart says sorry -- not my sweetheart! Oh my God, was that Freudian? I don't think it was. No, it was, it was. My sweetheart, I love you very much, and you are not my mother. Okay, let's move on. (Laughter) Anyway, my mother says -- my mother says, "You can go as long as you're home by 2 AM." At 2:20 AM, Jimi Hendrix and his band the Gypys took the stage. And as they were warming up in front of 19,600 people, the following announcement echoed throughout Madison Square Garden: (Laughter) "Barry Sonnenfeld, please call your mother." (Laughter) Now I know the only reason I was called is because my father had died -- he hadn't. My father had died, and I was going to spend the rest of my life living as an old maid with my mother. Okay. My mother had already threatened suicide if I went to Sleepaway school. You guys call that college. Okay, I find a payphone, and I call my mother, "Who died?" (Crying voice) "I thought you had. You were supposed to be home at two, and it's 2:20." "But Mom, didn't they tell you the concert was still going on?" "Well, they did, but they couldn't confirm your presence there." Okay, so Jimi, slightly annoyed by the PA announcement, walks off stage, and he would never return. (Groans) Eight months later, he died. And I blame my mother. (Laughter) So let's talk about punctuality. For me -- (Laughter) Being early is being on time. Being on time is being late. And being late is being called into Madison Square Garden. Okay, let's move on to the next one, which is number four, and that is, don't work your way to the top. I was a film school student, and I realized that I was a very good cinematographer, so I decided that's what I was going to be. When I got out of college, I bought a used 16-millimeter camera so that I could call myself a cinematographer without feeling like a lunatic. Six months later, I met Joel Coen, 50 percent of the Coen brothers, at a Christmas party. Joel told me that he and his brother Ethan had written a script called "Blood Simple," and they were going to shoot a trailer as if the movie had already been produced, and they were going to use that trailer to raise money from investor groups to then produce their movie. So I say to Joel, I have a camera. He says I'm hired. So I got hired, and a year later, we find ourselves in Austin, Texas, in production. The first day of shooting "Blood Simple" was the first day that Joel or Ethan or I had ever been on a movie set. Don't work your way to the top. Okay. Number five. This person will return to Rob Reiner of all, let it be their decision. I was the cinematographer on "When Harry Met Sally" for Rob, and we were shooting a night scene in Lower Manhattan with Billy Crystal, Meg Ryan, Bruno Kirby, and Carrie Fisher. So they came to the set, which was on West Broadway, rehearsed the scene reading from the script as they walked down West Broadway, and then they went back to hair and makeup while I lit the scene. I told Rob that we were ready, and the actors came back, they now knew their lines, and they walked much faster, and they walked 50 feet past where I had lit. I say to Rob, "Can you slow down their walk so that they can stop where they did during rehearsal?" He says, "You know what, Barry? I don't want them to worry about anything but the performance. Can you light it so that they stop anywhere?" So I say, "Sure, give me 14 minutes." Now here's something else you should learn. Never give estimates in round numbers. By saying 14 or 11 or 17 or any other odd number, you seem to really know what you're talking about. (Laughter) So I lit 67 more feet -- see where I went with that? Sixty-seven feet, I told Rob that we were ready, and Rob said, "Well, is it still going to look beautiful, Barry? Is it still going to look beautiful?" I said, "Well, it's not going to look beautiful, but now they can stop anywhere they want." Rob says, "We don't want beautiful, we want gorgeous. Where should they stop where it will look gorgeous?" "Ah, to where they stopped during rehearsal?" Rob calls the actors over and says, "Guys, stop where you did during rehearsals. Slow down your walk." At that moment, I learned something. Let Rob make the decision to get what I want. So later that night, I would shoot a close-up of Meg Ryan. Meg was a lot of fun to work with, but she didn't always hit her mark. So tonight, with this new information, I said to Meg, "Hey, Meg, it doesn't matter where you stop, but if you get here, you're going to look gorgeous." (Laughter) She was hitting her mark every time. (Laughter) So let it be their decision. Okay, here's an easy one, number six, and that is, never stand at the end of a group picture. You have two things working against you. First of all, the physics of the wide-angle lens on most cameras makes anybody on the edge of the frame look kind of fat. And second, it's easy to get cropped out, so you always want to stay in the middle where the important person is. Okay, that's easy. Number seven, which is, oh, this is a good one. It's called "the outside bully" who yells. Okay. The first movie I ever directed was produced by the infamous Scott Rudin. Scott was a great producer, but he was a legendary yeller and bully. So this is how I tamed the beast. Okay. Whenever I was in Scott's office about both "The Addams Family" and "Addams Family Values," and he was yelling at me, I would remove the pillows and the props from his couch, I would build myself a fort, I would climb into the fort, and I would say, "I can't hear you. I'm in the fort." Scott would yell, "Get out of the damn fort, Sonnenfeld! I don't have a lot of time." "Sorry, Scott. I'm still in the fort, and I can't hear your yelling. Did you say something?" Eventually, Scott would give up, apologize, I would leave the fort. But here's the thing. He never invaded the sanctity of the fort more than two movies. (Laughter) He never once picked up a pillow and said, "Smell you, there is no fort." So really, find the little kid. Okay, we're almost done, I promise. Number eight is, be prepared to kill your darlings. I was directing "Get Shorty," and "Get Shorty" had a budget of $30,250,000. The head of the studio, Mike Marcus, said, "Thirty million, not a penny more." I said, "Well, we're going to lose the night scene with Gene Hackman. It takes place over two nights. It costs $250,000, and it doesn't move the plot forward. So it's easy to get rid of." Mike said, "You can't lose that scene. It's my favorite scene in the movie." By the way, when you want to lose a scene, it's always somebody in charge's favorite scene. So I said, "Mike, you have no choice. We have to get to 30 million, and losing that scene puts us at 30 million." Mike says, "Don't tell me I have no other choice. I'm the head of the studio. What does it cost to redo that scene?" (Laughter) "$250,000." "You got it." This is another example, by the way, of let it be their decision. And finally, and most importantly. Always carry a picture that illustrates the way you like your steak prepared. (Laughter) Now -- (Laughter) This particular picture was clipped from the Sky Mall catalog in 2005. I've had this for 20 years. So here's what you do. When you order a steak, the waiter says, "What do you think of steak preparation?" And you say, "What do you call this preparation at your restaurant?" The waiter looks at it and says, "Oh, that's our medium-rare plus." You say, "I'd like to have a medium-rare plus New York strip, please." Never, ever say, "Cook it like this." Because that gives the chef a line reading, and they don't like that. In fact, my sweetheart and I were kicked out of the Sage Creek Grill in Custer, South Dakota, but that's another story for another TED talk. So in conclusion, I'd like to say, you now have nine pieces of information that will help you become a successful big-budget movie director. Thank you very much. (Cheers and applause) Thank you, thank you very much, thank you.