Transcription
All right. So, this call right here is a perfect example of why conversations between men and women keep going in circles. You got a grown woman, divorced, life lived, kids raised, and still holding on to old talking points about bosses, queens, and scarcity while refusing to take accountability for personal choices. This isn't about empowerment, statistics, or what men supposedly aren't doing. This is about denial versus reality. And once facts enter the room, the conversation completely breaks down. Listen closely because this is what happens when feelings try to override truth.
>> Hey, can you hear me?
>> I can now. Hi. How are you?
>> I'm doing pretty good, Kevin.
>> What What do you got for me?
>> Um, well, first of all, there are a few things that I do not agree with. Um, now I am 45 years old.
>> Okay. and and you mentioned and we're talking about divas, queens, and bosses. First of all, I I grew up listening to Beyonce and Mariah Carey. That's what I considered divas. And I just think it's just a term of endurement, you know? It's it's something for a woman to feel empowered.
>> Empowered to do what?
>> So
>> empowered to do
>> an empowering fitness
>> just you know just at a point where they where they're very confident in themselves and
>> Okay. What does your husband have to say about it?
>> Whereas my husband I'm divor.
>> All right. So, uh, name me name me the name me the white women that run around calling themselves divas or name me the name me name me any other race of women that call themselves these things
>> um
>> divas queens and bosses tell me how ch Asian women empower themselves tell me how white women empower themselves show me how Asian I mean Middle Eastern and Hispanic women empower themselves
>> okay but why why do we have to be like them though. I mean,
>> uh, well, I'm asking because we're humans. Okay. You asked a question. You can't over talk me.
>> Oh, I'm not I apologize. I I apologize. I'm not trying to over
>> My thing is
>> empower. First off, can you turn off the YouTube channel in the background?
>> Yes.
>> All right.
>> It's not a problem about this empowerment, ma'am. It's pedestalizing. That's what it's not empowerment. It's pedestalizing. Did you hear the previous caller who called herself a boss
>> and who in she business for 10 years, but she had no employees? What is she a boss of?
>> Well, I mean again that you know being a boss you can it's a term of you know running things running your own business and you don't necessarily have to have
>> No that's not true. Let's look up the definition of boss. Well go ahead.
>> Go ahead. um you know uh and it doesn't necessarily you you don't necessarily have to have employees to consider yourself
>> uh boss noun a person in charge of a worker or organization union bosses
>> uh or verb giving orders or doineering manner that sounds more like it. The b the verb boss makes a lot of sense, especially when black women use it because they're certainly not in charge of workers.
>> Well, um I can I'm in charge of my own schedule.
>> Okay. Uh you're you have any kids? Do you have any children?
>> Yes, I do.
>> How many?
>> Two.
>> Boys or girls?
>> Both boy and girl, 23 and 24.
>> Okay. But when when they were five or eight years old,
>> remember those years?
>> They could have been in charge of making up their bed. Does that make them bosses?
>> Yeah. Bosses of their own domain.
>> Are you trying to be damn Are you really trying to be serious,
>> ma'am? I mean, honestly, man, if we if that's how we going to go with it, then this conversation really is kind of pointless. If you're going to tell me a five and an 8-year-old is a boss of something,
>> then that goes into the delusion factor.
>> Okay. All right. Touche.
>> Far too many black women want to be right, man.
>> And you just won't even, you know, when something's wrong, you'll still try to find a way to be right. But I Hey, but I am compromising. You know, we're meeting in the middle. But I I just
>> Okay. Well, meet in the middle. Meet me in the middle. How does calling yourself a diva, a queen, or a boss facilitate healthy relationships with men?
>> Well, the men that I encounter, they they actually, you know, like Well, you know, I I don't know too many women that call themselves divas. Uh
>> I mean, how does this facilitate how does it facilitate healthy interactions with men? By calling yourself somebody in charge.
>> Well,
>> who Okay. Okay. You're divorced, right?
>> Yes.
>> So am I. And one of the big problems in a lot of marriages, in particular in black America, is who leads? Who's supposed to lead?
>> The male.
>> So if if I were your husband, how could I lead?
>> So if I were if I were your husband, how could I lead you? If you were if you're a boss,
>> a boss of my schedule, a boss of my work, a boss.
>> Okay. So again, that's pedestalizing and overinflating importance. Why? Why is it so important to to make things sound so grand that are just common? That's why I use the kids example. That's why I use the kids making up a bed. Yeah, they feel good about it,
>> but in the grand scheme of things, it ain't nothing. In the damn show, you ain't being the boss. But far too many black women want you want a pat on the back for just average stuff.
>> Well, that's well making the bed. I mean, that's part, you know. Well,
>> just say just say, "Ma'am, you see, she's struggling to sit back and say, "Damn, you got me."
>> Check.
>> Well, I mean, we're talking about in rooms, you know? I
>> Yeah. And that's what we're talking about. We're talking about how many black women who call themselves bosses are in charge of anything.
>> I feel like if a woman own runs her own business and do not go into a 9-to-f5 is considered a boss.
>> All right. So, you know what else? You know what else? You know what? I mean, but see, man, that makes sense because so many black women won't call themselves fat or morbidly obese. They'll say they're BBW. See, a lot of you black women love to make up your own definitions. [ __ ] Forget the dictionary. We're going to make up our own words. We going to make up we it's going to have our own meanings. But here's the thing. The world doesn't work that way. Your arteries still say you're morbidly obese. One of the biggest push backs I get is from black women talking about weight.
>> Well, I don't have a weight problem. And you know, beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
>> No, beauty beauty is pretty well beauty is pretty well universal. There are some subjective things. How tall are you?
>> 5'7.
>> Okay.
>> What is the average weight of an American man?
>> The average weight I would say maybe 185 90.
>> What's Okay. And what's the weight of an average What's the weight of an an average American female?
>> I would say maybe 150 155.
>> The weight of an average American man is 168 pounds. The weight of an average American woman 55 years ago who were the same height used to be 120 lb and it shot up to 166 lb. The average American black female is 187 lb. The average black woman weighs more than the average black man at her height. Is that normal?
>> Is that normal? to to compare to what statistics?
>> Normal normal comparing No, no, I got you. No, no, no. See, you about to try to pull this white [ __ ] on me. No, no. Normal compared a man to a damn woman. Is it should a woman who's 5 foot five weigh more than a man who's 5 foot five?
>> Well, absolutely not.
>> Well, but they do. But they do.
>> But they do. No. Ideally, it's called they do,
>> you know. Hey,
>> go ahead make excuse. Go ahead and make excuses for it.
>> No, I'm not making up an excuse. I'm just saying that, you know, the options are very low for black women.
>> What do you mean? Hold on. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Stop right there. You going to have to You going to have to justify that. What do you mean?
>> I'm I'm justifying in terms of there's a lot of good men that are locked up.
>> Let me stop you right there. Let me stop you right there, ma'am. I need to stop you right there.
>> I need to stop you right there. I need you to pay attention.
>> 51% of black men are single and childless. 64% are in the middle class. So you can go ahead and take that 1980s talking point back over the color purple land because that [ __ ] is factually inaccurate and untrue according to black people's statistics. Go to blackdemographics.com s you want oh those are white folks then go to blackdemographics.com black statistics for black people about black people and they'll show you.
>> Well, either way it's a lot. Oh, so 51%. So, oh no, ma'am. See what you did. You just tried to skip. See, every time I make a point, you you instead of saying, "Damn, I didn't know that." You're going to still try to be right.
>> Instead of saying, "Bro, I didn't know that. I No, ma'am." Instead of saying, "You know what, bro? I didn't know that." 51% are single and childless. That means they got unmarried, no kids, and 64% are in the middle class. Damn, I didn't know that. See, what that says is there are plenty of black men out here who are available to marry and have kids. Why can't black women seem to get them?
>> What age group is that?
>> No, ma'am. Why? No, no. What? Marrying age? Those marrying age? They don't keep statistics on on on teenagers.
>> What? And what age?
>> Ma'am, it's marrying age. It's
>> They don't keep statistics on children. They're adults. See how you see this is what I mean. And this is the so so so so to the pre so to the previous caller who wondered what all the acrimony is between black men and black women. Call her this is it right here.
>> You got a black woman here. I'm trying to educate her on why she's wrong on the facts. She's and every even when I made point she keep moving the goalpost. Well, give me the give me the facts the data and statistics. Well, give me the who who calculated them. Well, that ain't right. Look at the end of the day. This is why so many of y'all are by yourself. the disagreeable.
>> Well, no, we're having a conversation, but you're you know, we're having a conversation.
>> Well, the conversation, but it has to be but it has to be the conversation has to be in in in truth, though. Ma'am, I don't mind having a conversation, but if we just going to have opinions, that's not really a conversation.
>> Okay. Do you believe How about this? How How about Let's start over. Let's Do you believe that 51% of black men are single and childless? Do you believe that?
>> Uh, no.
>> Okay. There you go. What percentage of black men do you believe are single and childless?
>> Maybe 20%.
>> Okay. So, by your own def by your own headsp space, you've reduced the effective level of black men by roughly 60%. So now you can go and make the argument of scarcity.
>> It is.
>> No, it's not. It really isn't. No, it's not. It really is not. See, the facts See, facts are stubborn things, ma'am. You can believe whatever you want, but facts are stubborn. Just because you don't believe 2 plus 2 is four doesn't change the fact that 2 plus 2 is indeed four.
>> Well, I do believe that 2 plus two is indeed. Well, then then then tell me then tell me why you don't believe the the that 51% of black men are single and childless. Tell me why you don't believe that fact.
>> Okay. I live in Atlanta, Georgia, and I've been in Atlanta for about 20 years.
>> Mhm.
>> And there are not a lot of black men.
>> Did I say black men in Atlanta?
>> Either.
>> Did I say black men in Atlanta, ma'am?
>> No. I'm saying.
>> No, no, no, no. But but the stat that I said, did I say Atlanta?
>> You did not say Atlanta. No, you did.
>> Okay. So, do you believe it based on Atlanta
>> or not? See,
>> I have to go where?
>> No, ma'am. So, ma'am, so what you need to do is what you need to do cuz I live in Atlanta, too.
>> So, what you going to need to do is tell me where you getting that 20% from. But if from every day it's probably
>> No, ma'am. Your anecdotal eyeball experience No, ma'am. Your anecdotal your anecdotal eyeball experience does not change the Department of Bureau and Labor Statistics and the CDC.
>> See, facts are stubborn things. Ma'am, you can have your opinion and you can be as long as No, it's not reality. That's your twisted reality.
>> It's your twisted reality. But it don't matter twisted. It's twisted because you you talking about bosses and being in charge of stuff and that implies a business mind and you can't even accept a fact.
>> I can't accept a fact.
>> No, you cannot, ma'am, cuz I just gave you I just gave you a fact and I and I will and I've cited my sources, but you still won't stop.
>> Well, stat those statistics statistics are not Those numbers are not helping my everyday daytoday interaction, you know, in in real life. I'm I'm at the grocery stores. I'm in
>> Well, how about Oh. Oh, we talking about you now.
>> Now we talking about you. Well Well, if I asked your husband, "Why are y'all divorced?" What would he tell me?
>> Domestic violence.
>> Okay. How How of did you beat his ass?
>> No, I I'm the victim. M
>> and and I'm okay with that. You know, it it was a growing pain. I thank God I got out alive.
>> And how long you been divorced?
>> Uh for two years.
>> Two years. How long were y'all married?
>> Uh for about seven months.
>> Seven months now. Hold on. By my I know I got a new calculator,
>> but you got kids that are like in their 20s,
>> right? by two different guys. About one?
>> About one.
>> Why didn't you marry him?
>> The last one?
>> No, the one that that impregnated you once or twice.
>> Oh. Um, he he he went to jail.
>> Oh, so you pick ass whoopers and felons and then you going to complain about what other I need you to stop right here, ma'am. I need you to slow the whole I need you I need you to slow the whole French toast down.
>> I'm not going to let you get on here and talk about what black men are not when you picking dudes that whoop your ass and are felons. See, I'm not going to sit around and let you black women just sit around talk about black men ain't here and they ain't this, they ain't that when in your own life you pick [ __ ] Yeah. Take a nice strong drink. Sip it all. Cuz you're talking about black men to share my reflection. And I'm tired of sisters like you running our reputation in the ground because you picked poorly.
>> A black man.
>> No. No. You had 20 million to pick from, but you picked a felon once to have two babies by and and then Ike Turner. All these black people in Atlanta. Why you picking these scrubs?
>> That's what's left. If you don't get off my goddamn phone,
>> get out of Get off my phone. I don't want to keep That's what's left. Huh? That's what's left. The black Mecca and all your w seems to attract is felons and and abusers. Then you need to put that [ __ ] in the in the in uh get some maintenance done.
>> There are some good men.
>> Why don't you attract them then? Why don't you date them? I I I don't It's difficult. It's like a needle in the haststack.
>> No, it's not a needle in the haststack. I live here.
>> Yes, it is.
>> I live here and I date good black women. No. Why can't you see? Let me back down. Ma'am, relationships are reflective. We attract what we are. When I was broken, I attracted broken. And see what I'm having a problem with is you are trying to make black men the problem and you are definitely problematic. Everything I presented to you that is a fact that you can verify yourself. You've said no no no no. And who the hell wants to deal with a woman like that? Persians.
>> Persians.
>> Yes. And they're
>> Okay. So, okay. Okay. There. Okay. Then where's your So, you you got a Persian fiance.
>> He's not a fiance, but I am dating one.
>> Okay. Again, just because someone would dust it off does not mean he wants to marry you. I've talked about this, too.
>> I don't have to be married.
>> Exactly. Let me go ahead and help you. This is black young black women. Pay attention. These these are your mamas and your aunties and they telling you that black men don't exist because they can't get their [ __ ] right.
>> That's not true.
>> Of course not. Of course not. Of course not. You could get You could get your [ __ ] right so much that you picked somebody that was whooping your ass after you picked a fell.
>> That's right.
>> That's right, ma'am. And I'm not Yeah. And then you see the problem is here's where you run the problem. Cuz you keep trying to deter
>> cuz you keep No. Get off my phone.
>> Keep telling me that I'm wrong.
Before we end this stream, I want everybody listening, especially the people who got uncomfortable tonight, to sit with what just happened. Not react to it, not get defensive about it. sit with it because nothing that was said tonight was said to insult anybody, embarrass anybody, or tear anybody down for sport. What you heard tonight was friction between reality and belief. And when those two collide, reality always wins eventually. What keeps coming up over and over again is this idea that feelings should override facts, that lived experience somehow cancels out data, and that disagreement is the same thing as disrespect. It's not. Growth has never come from comfort, and accountability has never sounded polite. The problem isn't that people don't understand what's being said. The problem is that accepting it would require changing habits, standards, expectations, and in some cases, entire identities. You've heard a lot of strong words tonight. Boss, queen, empowered, picky. But none of those words actually solve anything if the outcomes don't match the confidence. Titles don't build relationships. Labels don't create families. And repeating affirmations does not erase patterns. At some point, you have to stop asking why things aren't working and start asking whether what you believe is actually aligned with how the world functions. This isn't about men versus women. It's not about blaming one side and excusing the other. It's about understanding leverage, timing, and tradeoffs. Everybody pays a price for the choices they make. Some prices are paid early, some are paid later, but nobody gets a free pass. And the longer people avoid that truth, the louder reality gets when it finally speaks. What makes these conversations hard isn't a message, it's the mirror. Because once you accept that attraction, commitment, and long-term partnership are selective by nature, you can't hide behind slogans anymore. You have to ask yourself hard questions. Am I realistic? Am I competitive in a market I want to win in? Am I bringing what I'm demanding? And am I willing to adjust or do I just want validation? Nobody owes anybody desire. Nobody owes anybody commitment. And nobody is guaranteed the outcome they imagine just because they believe they deserve it. Relationships are negotiated, not manifested. They are built, not declared. And the people who win in this space are the ones who listen before they speak and learn before they demand. So if tonight bothered you good, that means something landed. Take what applies, leave what doesn't, but don't dismiss it just because it challenged you. Because the goal here isn't to win an argument. It's to avoid waking up 10 years from now, asking the same questions with fewer options and more regret. We'll be back next time. Same truth, same energy, no fitives.