Transcription
One day you woke up, and you just had the feeling inside of you where you are not sure about anything in your life. Your goals are a mess. You are not sure where you are going? What are you doing? Feeling lost and drained can be very hopeless, especially if you don't know why you're feeling that way. And it can be very hard figuring out where to start.
You think that you're moving on with your life, but then one day you wake up, and you realize, “What am I doing? Where are my dreams? Where are my goals? Am I moving forward, or am I just, you know, stagnating, not doing anything?” You feel like you are losing touch with yourself. But let me assure you, you are not broken. You're just in between chapters.
So, hi guys. Welcome back to my YouTube channel. I hope you are all doing amazing. First of all, I want to explain the change of scenery. I have recently moved in with my boyfriend, which is a very, very exciting development. But I've noticed myself—it's been a few weeks now that we've been living together—and I've noticed that I completely lost my routine. I was really kind of in a rut, but also, moving in with somebody like your partner is something very new. It's something very new. So, I really felt like I wanted to create a video for you guys and give you advice that I'm myself am going to be using right now because I am kind of rebuilding my life. Of course, I am. I just went through a huge change, and you know, I still know my goals and where I want to go, but I feel like I've completely lost my routine. I feel like everything is just a mess.
And feeling lost can come from either two places: a bad place or even a good place. Right? Something—some big change—is happening in your life, whether good or bad, and you're just learning to uproot yourself to live with the new changes and upgrade your life. So here is a survival map that I myself will be using, and this video, I want to split it into three parts. So the first part is always going to be reflection; the second part is going to be subtraction; and the third part is going to be addition. And before we get into it, don't forget to subscribe, like, comment, and also check out my social media links.
As always, we are starting with reflection. I believe that if you want to change something in your life, upgrade your life, whatever it is, you always have to start with reflection because you have to figure out what went wrong before and what you want in the future. Without that, without analyzing, without thinking about it, you're just going to keep making the same mistakes over and over again. So, you might want to start by asking yourself, “When was the last time I felt like I had my act together? Have I ever felt like I had my act together? When was the time you felt like you had a purpose? Like you woke up in the morning, and you felt full of energy. You knew what you were going to do that day, and you just went on and got done everything.” The first step to rebuilding your life isn't action; it's reflection. Real and radical reflection. So ask yourself, “When was the last time I felt motivated? When was the last time I felt challenged? I felt confident. I felt like I had things figured out.” And by figured out, I don't mean like your whole life figured out, but you knew what you were going to do in the morning, in the afternoon, in the evening. You were taking steps towards your goals. And if you weren't, that's okay. I know I go through phases. I have phases where I'm super on top, and then life happens, and I have to rebuild that discipline and that motivation and that kind of fire inside me again.
Ask yourself, “What has changed since the last time you felt like this? Was it comfort? Was it fear? Was it insecurity? Was it some life circumstances that you couldn't control? Or did you start slowly choosing easy over discomfort?” I like saying, “You won't heal what you cannot name.” So journal about it, talk to a friend about it, talk to your loved one about it, talk to a therapist about it, talk to yourself about it, or to your pet. Just get it all out, and don't be afraid to go into the corners of your mind that you were probably maybe a little bit scared to open because this isn't about blaming yourself, but encouraging yourself—encouraging yourself to be brave.
For me, it wasn't when I moved in with my partner; I expected it to go so easily. And I really thought that moving in with my partner away from my parents was going to initially make me more productive. But it was such a huge change for me that these last few weeks I've spent kind of stagnating. I wasn't—I felt like I was doing something all day every day. But I didn't. I wasn't doing anything. And you know, all those routines and those habits that I had when I was living with my parents disappeared when I moved in with my boyfriend, which, of course, I mean, it's a, as I said, it's a huge change. But really think about those things and allow yourself to be vulnerable with yourself. Allow yourself to admit things that aren't easy to admit, especially if you thought that they were going to go a different way. So create a clear vision of the type of person you have become.
Here are some reflection practices that I would recommend you to do. Ask yourself:
Where was I one year ago emotionally? And where am I now?
Where did I start making decisions based off of fear and comfort instead of faith and courage?
What dreams did I silence because I felt they were too hard?
And lastly, is there anything that you miss about the old self?
It's also okay to admit that I miss my old self where I was super physically fit. I was going to the gym. I was eating healthy. Ask yourself those things. Admit them and let them go because you're the only thing that you can do now is rebuild. Don't rush this. Take an evening to yourself or a morning and go through these. You might cry. You might be angry at yourself. And let yourself feel those things. And then let them go because they're not going to serve you right now. They're not going to push you anywhere. What you need right now is for you to be self-aware and love yourself enough to change those things.
Now, once you've analyzed everything, you can move on to part two, which I like to call emotional housekeeping. I want you to burn everything down. It's going to be heavy. It's going to be messy, and it's not going to be glamorous, and it will definitely make you uncomfortable, but that is the point where you can change. It's time to clean your mind. Because until you consciously clear all that mess inside of your head, you will keep recreating the same mistakes over and over again. So this burn part is contained out of three exercises.
Number one: Who am I still carrying that I no longer want to be? Is it your old version that you outgrew? Is it the version of yourself that had to wear an armor because of survival reasons? Because some versions of you were built for survival reasons. And you needed those personalities, or not personalities, but you needed that version of yourself to survive, to get through really hard stuff. But now that armor is weighing you down. Was it the overachiever version of you who ran on anxiety? Was it the people-pleaser version of you who was so scared of not being liked? Was it the tough one who had to go through everything alone, so you built an independency problem? Or was it the tough version of you who never needed anyone because she was always alone? You don't owe your future self all of this armor. So, let it go. Because a lot of these versions of you that you still haven't let go are weighing you down.
Second part: What rules am I following that are not mine? Is it your family rules that you must suffer to be worthy, or if you don't get perfect grades, you're not worthy? Or is it your society's timeline where if you're not a millionaire by 30, you're a failure? Or is it just pure comparison where if you're not grinding 24/7, you're lazy? Or if you're not wearing that piece of clothing, you're not attractive. Or because I don't know, your cheekbones are too high or low. I don't know. But what rules are you following that you just could not care enough about? Because this can be so draining. It can be so draining trying to fit into everybody's box and trying to tick off everybody's I don't know list and trying to be likable by everybody. This is so draining. And being liked by everyone and people-pleasing to this point where you just want to match everybody's style is just going to drain you so much, and it's not going to push you anywhere towards your goal. When you think about it, what does society's acceptance give you? I don't think anything. Because some of you, you're not trapped by your own failure, but by rules that people set up for you without you even agreeing to them. I want you to write down every single standard, every single rule, every single expectation that you have been fulfilling for the opinion of others, not for yourself. And I want you to tell yourself that you're letting that go. Go through this patiently and really think about it because for a lot of us, we feel like, “No, no, no, I live the way I want to,” but when you think about it closely, we are all doing some things that other people put on us, and we don't even want to do them, but like, we don't want to upset anybody. Let those things go.
And number three: Where am I abandoning myself to make others more comfortable? Is it yes when you want to say no? Is it shrinking your dreams because other people are telling you that you're not good enough? Or staying silent because the truth could cause discomfort? Because a lot of you, you're thinking that you're choosing peace when you're in fact just choosing a performance that you have to keep up with all the time. So, I want you to create like these lists of everything that we've mentioned right now. And I want you to either burn it safely somewhere. Drown it, cut it up, just get rid of it, and watch the old version of yourself just disappear. Just burn, just float away. I don't know. But be grateful for her because, you know, it's still you, but release that old version of you with gratitude.
You reflected; you burned what no longer serves you. Now, I know that it is so tempting to, you know, have this like pull this all-nighter and create a whole vision board and, you know, over-plan your calendar for the next month with so many habits and so many goals. I know it's tempting because I myself did it so many times, but guess what? You're going to burn out. And it's probably—unless you're doing like a 30-day challenge where you just go, go—it's not very long-lasting. And you know, going from like hot to cold is never good. So, start slow. I know that it's tempting, but trust me, if you start slow, it's going to be way more long-term, and it's going to last.
So, here are the three pillars of rebuilding yourself. Number one: emotions. Instead of focusing on goals at the beginning, focus on your emotions. I feel like especially for us women—I've already mentioned it in a video—going by your emotions is way more motivating than going by goals like numbers. You know, for example, how do—ask yourself, “How do you want to feel every single day in your core? You know, what is the feeling that you want to wake up with, and what is the feeling that you want to go to sleep with?” Instead of chasing the goal of having straight A's, perhaps try having a goal of like feeling smart, feeling educated, feeling like that when you enter a room, you can, you know, talk about so many interesting deep topics. Instead of making it your goal to have a thousand followers on Instagram, make it your goal to feel creative. Make your goal to feel like you have a community, like you're helping people, like you're inspiring people. If your goal is to lose weight, don't make it like your goal—don't make your goal like lose, I don't know, 10 kilograms. Make your goal more like, “I want to feel healthy. I want to feel energized the whole day.” Make your goal that you want to take the stairs instead of the elevator. Make it your goal that you want to feel pretty, that you want to feel healthy, you know, whatever that is for you. But stop chasing numbers and start chasing emotions.
Number two: reclaim your daily power. Now, I've already mentioned this, but instead of focusing on—because let me share an example of what I was like—I would go through these like huge transformations, right? I would sit at night and go all night planning about how my life was going to be perfect and my habits and everything. And the first 3 days I went 100%. I woke up at 5:00 a.m., did like 10 healthy habits before noon, and everything was great. But after those three days, I got really burned out. Not even 3 days, maybe like 5 days. And then I would need to take a break from it. You know, not consciously, but as I said, just take it step by step. Focus on that 1% better every single day. Not 100% better one day and then 50% better the other day and then 0% better. And you get me? I know that it's tempting. I know that it's tempting. But so perhaps is it your morning routine? Start—you can start with focusing on your morning routine. Start focusing on getting your sleep schedule. Whatever that goal is for you, start with that. Then, okay, after two, three weeks of fixing my schedule, sleep schedule, you might want to focus on another smaller habit. And then you wait another two, three weeks. And again, I know that it's not like you don't get that dopamine hit from it because you're doing one thing at a time, but as I said, long-term, it's going to last way longer than if you do 20 habits in one day. Spend just 20 minutes on something that feeds your soul. Is it singing? Is it, you know, you are an—you are an aspiring artist? Then start with just singing for 20 minutes a day and making covers, for example. Whatever your goal is, start by spending just 20 minutes. Just 20 minutes. Not a minute over, not a minute under, just those 20 minutes. Give it like a week or two, and then slowly go forward. The next thing is managing your time. Whatever your goal is, again, time management is going to be your best friend because you cannot achieve anything without good time management. So, focus on that. Stop being late to everything. Stop procrastinating on things that take you 10 minutes to finish. Stop delaying things that are inherently the best for you in the future. And stop waiting for that time to be ready. Instead of perfection, track consistency.
And secondly, build your identity, not your success. You don't just get to your goal and then become the woman. You become the woman before you reach your goals. You become that smart, good-hearted, beautiful woman before you reach those big goals. So ask yourself, “What would the version—the best version of me—do today, act like today? What would your—what would the best version of you say yes to or no to? What would she walk away from? What would she walk towards fearlessly and bravely? And also, how would she carry herself even when nobody is watching?” Stop stressing with goals and numbers. And instead of—and instead of that, focus on your identity and your emotions because I feel like that is always going to be more pure-hearted and more efficient than focusing on crazy numbers. And don't think of it like that you're starting from nothing and that you're doing this all over again. You're starting from a place where you know better, where you have more wisdom, you have more experience, you have more to teach yourself. So take it day by day. Ask yourself in the evening, “What is something that I did well today?” You know, show gratitude, but also ask yourself, “All right, what is that one small thing, one small thing that I can do tomorrow to get closer to my goals?”
All right, my loves. I hope you enjoyed this video. It was something very new because it was my first time filming in my new apartment. And honestly, I had to improvise because so far this apartment is half empty. I don't even have a proper desk yet. So, you know, I just had to work with what I had. But I really hope you enjoyed this, guys. I love you so much. And let me know down below what your best version of yourself does. As well as don't forget to check out my Discord group where I post different updates, and you know, we can have a little chat together, as well as my social media links and subscribe and like this video and send it to a person that you love that is going through something right now. All right, I will see you next time. Bye.