How to Talk to Women...

Hey Jim Wolf here with dating advice for men who love women. One of the top concerns that a lot of guys have when it comes to dating and relationships is how to talk to women. How do I introduce myself to a woman in an attractive way? Is there a magical pick-up line that works every single time? And then, how do I maintain an attractive conversation with her after that?

A lot of guys get really concerned about their conversations stalling out. They're afraid of running out of things to say, or they're concerned about maintaining that sexual tension with a woman over time, and they don't want that to kind of fizzle out and for it to turn into kind of a friend conversation. And so, how to have attractive conversations with women is a very important topic.

And because it's so important, I actually have a special treat for you today. Instead of just creating a presentation about attractive conversations for you myself, I teamed up with another awesome men's dating coach, Justin Jensen, to create this presentation about how to talk to women for you. And so, Justin and I created this presentation for another program that we were doing, but it's a great introduction to how to have attractive conversations with women. So I wanted to share it with you here today.

So go grab a pen and paper if you want to take notes, and then enjoy this presentation because by the end, you will know how to have much more attractive conversations with women.

Hey man, thanks for joining us. This is Jim Wolf and Justin Jensen. And in this module, we're going to talk to you about conversation. Now, this is probably the module that you've been waiting for because most guys who come to us for coaching, one of their first questions is, "What should I say?" And Justin, you and I both know that having a vision and the kind of person that you are and your body language is more important than your conversation. And we've been talking about that in the last couple of modules. However, conversation obviously is a huge part of your relationship, and over time, it becomes more and more important.

So today, we're going to talk about how to have attractive conversations with women. And the way that we're going to do that is we're going to start out with the first thing that you say to a woman, which is how you introduce yourself, an opener, I guess, if you will. And then we're going to go all the way through the entire interaction with a woman, and we're going to talk about each level of conversations so that you know what mode you're in at any given time, and so that you have the ability to kind of shift modes when it's the right time. And so by the end of this module, you should have a really good framework for how to talk to women for the rest of your life, which we're both really excited about.

Emmett, yes, on this. Alright. So Justin, what, how do you introduce yourself to a woman? Like, what's the best way to approach her? What's the best way to open? Like, what are some really good ways of opening a conversation with a woman that you have shared with your clients that really works for them?

You know, honestly, there's, there's two different versions of this, right? Because you could start with something that's funny and witty, and then terrific if you want to turn the banter lines. Um, and there's like certain things that you can do that are challenging and things like that. So there's the two ways. Or you could go with some specific sort of go-to line that you can practice and get some data over with. That's actually what I did, which actually led me to the second part of this and how I now open up conversations. And what I always bow for now is not necessarily stock lines. Although I will say this, if you're just working this and you're in, you're in, and you want to try and get new results, then try some stock lines that fit and fit you naturally. We'll talk about that a little bit.

Are you talking about, are you talking about like banter lines that people come up with? Like, you know, like if she's ordering a drink, like, "Oh, that's okay, you didn't have to get me one." Ah, yeah. You know, something like that. You know, or, you know, "We, whatever can come up." "You look like trouble." Okay, I think that's a good one. "I figured one good one. Girls like being called." Okay, f it, let's just talk about banter. That's a big one. Okay.

So the point of a banter line is to be funny and challenging, right? It's, I think we're going to talk about the first step, which is PC, right? Playful and challenging. Okay. So industry-wise, or if you read a lot of books, they talk about banter. Now, banter is something you do with your friends, right? That's something that guys banter, right? It's, it's a, it's kind of like giving each other [ __ ] now. You don't want to use guy humor when communicating with women, okay? Just don't ever do that because they don't view, unless you find like a lucky one, like they don't like find our bathroom humor or something very funny a lot of times.

So you got to do something a little bit more playful. And sometimes I like that you, I like to think of in the beginning, you kind of want to think curiosity plus like your younger self. Like people don't do themselves too seriously because they overthink about what they're going to say. So mindset-wise, you want to, you want to be playful. And I dare I say, you want to be back in like junior high. Dare I say a month? Actually, you know, no, no, for guys to that elementary school. Yeah.

And so there's banter lines like, "Hey, you look like trouble," or, "Okay, didn't have to buy me a drink." And remember, if you have good body language, these are going to be delivered pretty well. If you, if you experience a stock line of yours, it doesn't really work, chances are it's your body language, not what you said. Yeah. Yeah.

I think a really good word there is silly. I like the word silly because, look, like you said, again, it's like going back to your childhood a little bit. Like you're being playful and silly, and it's not serious. Even though you're challenging her, it's kind of with a playful mindset, and your eyes are going to be smiling, like we talked about in the body language module. So if you're already smiling with your eyes, and you're not facing her with your whole body, and you deliver one of these lines, and you're being silly and playful, but also challenging her, that's going to be a really attractive way to approach.

Yeah, and, and, and so again, if work with the lines, I just pick one or two. And I like, "Hey, you look like trouble," or, "You know, it's okay, dog, to buy me drinks." I used to go around bars and stuff like that. Now, if you're not around bars or that sort of situation, that's fine. This is my second point, and this is the one that's more natural for most guys, and that is just something situational that's in the environment. You're having a hard time with that, then I challenge you on that because when you're around your friends, you typically have something to bring up around that's in the environment. Why is it easier to do it in front of your friends versus in front of somebody you don't know? Because you're worried about what they're going to think of you. Yeah. Okay. And that's the biggest difference, and that's the only difference in my opinion. Because there's, like, think about it logically, it doesn't make sense for you to be totally social in your own right way with your friends, and then that not have translate with a woman, unless, of course, you're worried about what's going to happen. Yeah.

So it's not that you're not smart enough, it's not that you, you know what I mean? If it helps, take improv classes. I never did. I just tried thousands of different things and failed a bunch. If that's learning the hard way, but I know a lot of guys have had success taking improv because it sharpens your witty muscle. But I always looked at it like, well, why would I go to class that if I can do that in my everyday life? Yeah. Talk to in the grocery store line, after your coworkers, talk to your family more, talk to your friends more. Just, it's, it's more of being social in a particular engine, all not just in a particular setting. Yeah.

And I see a really good place that you can practice this is getting into the elevator because that's a really like tense social situation. So it's a perfect place if you get on an elevator a lot, practice these banter lines in there, and it'll be really funny to see what people's reactions are. And again, yeah, it's not just with women. You can also practice kind of being fun and challenging with men you see, or like having a situational opener, I guess, can be something that you use with men also.

And here's a little bit of an advanced trick because a lot of people preach like, "You start off with something challenging and funny." The one I would say exception to that rule is, it's okay to ask the question, so long as your next thing that you say after that, in response to hers, it's challenging, witty, and funny. You don't want to get into this question-answer train, right? So I will say that if you don't have anything witty off the top of your head to comment on, and my mind, you win witty. Witty is different than sarcasm versus too many guys that are sarcastic. Second, that has not come off funny or attractive. So remember, your 12-year-old self isn't really sarcastic, right? Your isn't playful. Yeah. Okay. So next sarcasm. If you don't have anything good to say, then ask a question, and then see if you can banter with whatever comes flying at you, right? And if you fail a few times, well, welcome to the real world, okay? Like, we all had to do that. I had to do that so many times. So that's just a little trick just to dispel that whole thing. I'm so sick and tired of, "I don't have anything to say."

Oh, yes. And keep three things in mind. Number one, it's always kind of a tense thing to meet strangers. For everyone, it's going to be a little nerve-racking for her also, even if she's attracted to you. And so just keep that in mind. We all feel that social pressure. So you're not alone in that. We all feel that. It's about how you manage it. And so treat her as a person. It sounds really obvious, but take her out of the hot girl category and put her into the "maybe she's a cool person" category, like anyone else you want to talk to, and meet her that way.

And the last point is, like you just said, ask a question if you have to. Here's the thing, man. If you want to meet someone, don't make any excuses. Just start the conversation. You don't have to have a really witty, witty line. My favorite opener, honestly, is "Hi." Because like, you don't have to impress her. And if you're trying to impress her just with your first opening line, like, good luck. You're already starting downhill. So if you want to share kind of like a positive, fun vibe with her, then you can use one of these challenging lines. But the point is just to get the conversation started because your interaction with her, if it goes well, is going to last one night, or 99 years, or a long time. So that first line is really not that important. But on the other hand, it is important because it kind of sets a first impression. And that's why we're talking about it. But at the end of the day, going up to her and saying, "Hi, I'm Jim," or whatever, is better than not going up and saying anything to her because you can't think of a really witty line. So keep that in mind.

And here's the thing, the idea of approaching somebody always works in your head, then it, then the actual act of it. Because whenever you walk away after an approach, you actually generally feel good, whether you, whether you sink or swim. And, and so that's worth keeping in mind. Every single that you feel anxiety or pressure about going over and talking to a new stranger, just know that that's normal. That's probably never going to go away. It doesn't really go away from me. It's just I've just learned how to ignore it. So you need to learn how to ignore that because that's just your doubt and your fear coming into play. That's going to trip you up and miss opportunities.

Now, I'll say this from taking hundreds of guys out on FUEL nights, and that the every second you're out there that you hesitate, it kills ya. It was the interaction. Yeah. So every second that you hesitate, and I know it's, um, I know that sounds overly aggressive, but I'm not joking because our brains make visions in millionths of a second. So it's the same thing when you're out there socializing. The more you creep around and wait, the more she's actually going to start feeling like she's getting creepy vibes, right? Guys, she's wondering why you're not going over there talking about. Trust me, dudes, she sees everything. Yeah. We're not, we're not like, we're not hiding anything better. By the way, don't, don't be ashamed that you want to hit on her. It's okay. It's totally natural. Men, like, none of us would be here if you didn't have that desire. So just out. But the only difference between a creepy guy and an attractive guy in this situation is that the attractive guy is okay with the fact that he wants her, and she's going to feel that. And so don't be ashamed, man. You're comfortable with your desire for her, then she's going to feel comfortable with it as well. Even if she's not attracted to you, as long as you're comfortable with that, and you go up to her and you try to introduce yourself, even if she's not attracted to you and she makes that really clear, it's still not going to be weird for her as long as you own it. And the worst-case scenario that she just says, like, "Oh, I already have a boyfriend," or, "No thanks," or something like that. She's probably not going to hit you or pour a drink on you or something like that. Yeah.

What I would say too is that you can't control how people are going to react to you, you know? And I think that's a big misconception. I think what people are like, "Well, if I just do this, then, you know, then that will happen." And people aren't like, I think I've said this in another video, but people aren't like a video game cheat code plugin, you know, A plus B, and then L N R, and then have it just work out. So even if she gives you a nasty look, even if you get totally rejected, and like the worst way possible, don't take that experience and then do a cognitive bias and over an overgeneralization of how all your interactions are going to go because that's simply just not true. It's one instance, and you can't, you can't make that about everything else. Okay.

And I do stress that that it's okay to hit on her. Like, that's, that's something that I think men have lost, you know, in our, in our modern society because media and all this other stuff tells us. But you know what? There's good reason for that. Yeah. There's a lot of, there's a lot of men that did us wrong, a lot of, a lot of bad guys that did us good guys wrong when it comes to this. So now there is the stigma that is, it's just unfounded. You know, it's a few, few bad apples spoil the bunch for us. But that doesn't mean that doesn't mean to play it safe or play it too nice because we do that, that's a guarantee. It's a fast track to the preferences of and Anushka ROM being frustrated and in probably where you're, or at least close to where you're at, you know. So the thing is that, you know, you have to be cool with whatever her response is. And as long as you are, as long as you're comfortable with your interest in her, you're going to be nervous. So I'm not saying that you're not going to feel nervous. But if you're okay with the fact that you have a desire for her, and you're also okay whether she responds positively or not, that's where she's going to feel comfortable. So the point is that your reaction to her reaction is what's really important here. And there's a lot of guys who react negatively if she reacts negatively. And so as long as you're okay with however she responds, then it's going to be fine. And so the guys that were worried about in society that media is against are the guys who keep pushing it and they don't understand when she's not interested. That's not going to be you, especially if you're the kind of guy right now who is afraid to approach, that's not you at all. So just be cool whether she responds positively or not.

And by the way, that negative look of that negative thing that she gives you, actually just be a test. And the cool thing for you is that you're going to respond the same way whether it's a test or not. You're just going to be cool with it. And we're going to give you some options on how to respond to that when we talk about being playfully challenging. But the key is to respond the same way whether you get a positive or negative response from her, and that's going to take you a long way.

And then quickly, one other opener that I like to share with my clients is asking her for a favor. This is really cool because it already puts her in the position of subconsciously doing something for you, even though it's really subtle, really small. It automatically increases how much she likes you right away, if she's interested in you at all to begin with. So it's really cool, and it's really easy to do, and it's really natural. So for example, the easiest example to come up with is like, let's say she's at the bar, just ask her to hand you a napkin or a straw or the salt or something like that. To say, "Hey, can you pass me the salt?" And then when she gives you that salt, say, "Oh, thank you so much. By the way, my name is Jim. What's your name?" And just get the conversation flowing naturally that way by asking her for a favor. And I found that that works really well, especially if you're at a party and it's kind of more low-key. You can ask her for a favor and it doesn't seem weird. Like, "Hey, can you hand me that drink on the counter or something like that?"

Now, if you don't ask her for a favor as your opener, this is also something that's really good to do in the first few minutes of your conversation. So let's say you are just talking to her at the bar, it's sometime in the middle of your conversation, just casually ask her for a favor. Like, "Hey, can you hand me one of those napkins?" Or even better, if you can pull it off without being a dick, say it as a statement because statements are more powerful than questions. So say something like, "Hey, pass me the napkin, please." And then, which he does, say, "Oh, thanks a lot. My name is Jim, by the way. What's your name?" And that's kind of a really easy, natural way to transition into a conversation.

Sneaky, man. I like it. Asking for a favor. Yeah. The Ben Franklin approach. Yeah. That's genius. I mean, that means that they're already committed. Okay, cool. So what should we move on then to? I think we covered playfully challenging. Is there anything that we want to add to that?

Yeah. So basically, after you start talking to her, the first phase that you're in conversationally, I call it playfully challenging or playful challenge, which is PC. And we're good. Most guys go wrong as they go right into connecting conversation or trying to build rapport with her. And that, like you said, puts you right into the friend zone, which is fine. Like, I'm friends with a lot of women. I love having women friends. There's nothing wrong with being friends with a woman, unless, of course, you want to date one of them. And if you want to date her, then instead of just going right into rapport first, you have to establish attraction. And the way you do that, like we've been saying in these openers, is by being playfully challenging.

Yeah. You know, and I think that it's, it comes that. Now, I'm a very situational person. So yeah, I don't, you know, my, usually when I'm playfully challenging, it's right front, all right from the beginning. Yeah. And we've covered other ways to do that. But during the conversation, it's okay to have your own opinion. Yeah. And too many guys are trained, I'm actually going to say trained to connect on things that you like and mutual interests. And that's because that's how we built relationships for thousands of years. That's just a natural thing that we do. Human beings like connecting. But when it comes to a playfully challenging thing, I think the best piece of advice I can give you is own your own opinions. You know, to put sort of an extreme example, I guess, you know, if she has a, "Never mind, I'm not going to talk about." Paul's, you never once. "What Paul? Don't talk about more stuff." I never, never want to talk about the board. Or by the way, let's just talk about topics to avoid on your, on your first few dates with a woman. It's never a good idea to talk about politics or religion, or something negative that's happened. Like, you don't want to start off a conversation or even go into in the middle of a conversation on your first couple of dates, like, "Oh, did you hear about the tsunami that killed 14,000 people yesterday?" Like, you just don't want to go into serious negative topics right away with her. Now, when you're in a relationship after six months, then you can talk about that stuff a little bit. But there's no reason for you to go into that when you're first talking to. And it doesn't actually help you build rapport. It just adds negativity into your connection. Even though you think about the hot-button issues, the reason why they're so hot, and the reason why they divide so many people is because they're remote, they're negatively emotionally charged topics. And that's really what you want to avoid them.

So I was going to use an extreme example, but I'll use a more mild one. Like, let's say you like whiskey and she likes vodka, right? And she's like, "Oh, I can't believe you drink whiskey. That it's so gross." You know, instead of you taking that inward, just be like, "Well, I can't believe you like vodka. Like, yeah, it makes me lose my clothes." Yeah. You know, I, yeah, you know, something like playful along those lines. And you can, you could have these, these, I call these like little, like they're like mini arguments, but they're not real. Yeah. They're just playful, playful little mini arguments. And it's a huge difference. It's not making it personal. It's not insulting her. I'm not suggesting you start picking fights with lots of people. But what I'm saying is in a playful context, like if you're on a playground, you know, it's about owning your own opinion. And if somebody says your stuff sucks, be in the, you know, point out what about something about them. It's playful. Yeah. Not negative, but that you both could laugh at. Yeah.

And, you know, it's actually a good idea to act as we create this. If you want, like, if she says, "Oh, I love Nirvana." Which, by the way, I also like Nirvana. But let's just say she loves Nirvana, whether you like it, whether you like Nirvana or not. And by the way, you're from Seattle, you should like them too. And by the way, know as I've already overheard there happened. Yeah. Yeah. Here, here's the thing, right? Like, let's say she says she likes Nirvana, and even if you love Nirvana too, it's a good idea to say that you don't, just to kind of spark a little bit of this attraction. You can. So you can say something like, "Oh, man, I can't believe you like that band. Like, that's it. Like, we have to break up now." You know, it's not really playful. So it, most guys don't want to do that at all. But counter-intuitively, you can actually create that, even if it's not real. And it's actually better for both of you. That's what we're trying to get across here. And as long as you don't, really quickly, I just got to say that as long as you don't disagree without being disagreeable. So you want it to be fun and playful. You don't want to be like, "Your opinion sucks, I'm out of here." No, no, no, no. It's a playful disagreement you're having, and that's the key. Yeah. It's playfully messing around, right? Because that, because you know, if it starts getting really serious, like, "No, no, I'm kidding. I'm actually huge." Yes. And I do see you getting all riled up. Yeah. Exactly. And then she's like, "Ah, you know, I can't believe you, you know, whatever."

So this is playfully challenging. And the reason why this is important, and this is one example, I'm a big fan of the playful arguments. I do that with with my wife a lot. Yeah. Okay. Mess with her. And it's just fun because whether you're in the in the beginnings of wanting to start a relationship, or you're, you know, married and on your way to, you know, the, you know, the complete opposite of being single, it still helps spark the attraction. Yep. In, in whatever situation. So we're talking about, you know, before you're in a serious relationship, this helps spark sparks that attraction, right? It sets you apart from every single guy that's out there that's too agreeable, that's too nice, that doesn't hold their own opinions, doesn't check their body language, and, you know, all the other things that we've been talking about so far. Yeah.

And just remember that playfully challenging conversation is attractive conversation. So you want to make that kind of your default. But you don't want to hand her it either. Like, once she's kind of playing back with you, then you can kind of shift into connected conversation. And like you said, Justin, like this is going to be a missing piece of your relationship. If six years from now, you're not still being playfully challenging with her a little bit, that's going to be something that's missing. And so you always want to have that ingredient. And what we're saying is, in the early stages, when you first meet her, at your first couple of dates, this is even more important to do. And it's what keeps you out of the friend zone and in her attraction zone.

And what I would say, at least at this point, I would recommend that you just playfully challenge every single woman that you want. Yeah. Into reason being is so that you could see that you're an attractive mate. Yep. You know, because right now, you can't see that. But it's really easy to see when you see that she starts laughing. I can't tell you how many guys that I've added a coach to just to get them to this point. And then what ends up happening is they rely on this like a crutch. Yeah. So they never actually get out of this playfully challenging phase, right? And into the serious stuff. So what ends up happening, fellas, is that you'll get all this initial attraction from women, and it's great, and it feels good, and, and it's so different than what you've normally had in it previously to to knowing about this, that you'll tend to overuse it. And then what ends up happening is you can make any women laugh, which is great, but they don't take you seriously. Yeah. Right? Which we're going to fix that. And in the next couple things. Yet, but it's important to note that in the beginning, have fun with it. You know, both the walls have fun. Be playfully challenging. You'll have great conversation. She'll actually have great conversations. I mean, you're actually, that, you know, we talked about bringing value. Yeah. Another module. I mean, this is, this is about the bringing value. You're bringing smiles to the world and some fun conversation. So, you know, go haywire, go off the deep end with it. Just not at some point, you're gonna have to go take it more seriously. Yeah.

And that's a really great transition into kind of the next thing we're going to talk about. But before we do that, I just want to say, like, there's been times where I've tried, like, what I thought was like a ridiculous super challenging line that I thought I might even get slapped for, like, who knows what's going to happen. And I tried it, and I can't even believe how positive these women's reactions were. I actually didn't believe it in my head until later. I was like, "Wow, like they actually like that." Because we're so conditioned to think that they're going to be offended that when you actually try some of this stuff, it feels a little weird. But when you start seeing their reaction, you're like, "Oh, okay, they actually do like it. It is actually value. Why has it, why have I been holding these gifts back from them?" And then you'll see it in a whole different way, and it'll be much easier for you to make being playfully challenging your default setting as soon as you see how they actually enjoy it and react to it, and that they think a little bit differently than we think they do. And then we do, because maybe we wouldn't appreciate that. Maybe our reactions to this stuff could be a little more hardcore. But almost all the time, unless a woman is like super low self-esteem or she has issues, she's going to respond positively to this, and she'll love being challenged by you. Right? Right.

Yeah, and I would test your some assumptions. If it seems a little risky, go for it. If what seemed a little risky is now just normal, push the bar. I've known a lot of guys. If I push the bar myself a lot, but you'd be surprised, you know, like you were saying, you just be surprised about what you can and can't get away with. I'm not, were that saying you know, be a total jerk or whatever. No, but you know, chances are you've, what you think is risky is like mild. Yeah. So play, have fun with it. And the thing that I will say here is, look forward to the times that it doesn't work, because you learn so much more about that than when it actually does work. Yeah. And if she says something like, "Oh, is that your pickup line?" or, "Oh, is that your best line?" It's just, "Oh, to just be like, 'Yeah, that's all I got.'" Yeah. And then just start talking to her like a human being. And a lot of times, chewing being, you can recover from that. Like, she'll be like, "Okay."

I do want to say this. I do want to say this because this playfully challenging phase is like, first of all, think of it as like a seasoning. You'll, you'll sprinkle this throughout your entire conversation. We're just teaching it in a very structured way. But to, this is a very quick phase. You don't need to overdo it. Right? I don't want to put a time limit to it, but I mean, it could be as short as 30 seconds to, I don't know, a minute or two. But the key is this short. If she's reacting positively to your teasing, then you can move on. So if you say, like, "Oh, you're not some kind of stuff." Yeah. Like, "You're not some kind of stalker, are you?" You know, she's like, "No, no, I promise I'm not like that." As soon as she qualifies herself to you, which we're going to talk about in a second, by saying, "No, I'm not like that," then you know the attraction is established, and it's safe to move into the connecting phase without being put in the friend zone. So you just want to give her a little bit to see where she's at until she kind of like gives up in a way and goes with your conversation, and then you can move on to connecting.

And so quickly, before we get into the connecting conversation, there's just a couple more things that I want to say, which is, number one, building rapport or connecting with her at a deep level has a lot more to do with shared new experiences and the vibe that you guys feel together than it does like kind of sharing these deep negative personal things about yourself. A lot of guys try to connect with like traumatic experiences, things like that, and that's not where we want you to go. In fact, building rapport doesn't even have to be about the words that you say. It can just be having a shared new experience with her. So for example, if you're talking with her for a while at the bar, you can just simply lead her to another corner of the bar and play darts with her, for example. And doing that activity together is going to build more of an emotional connection sometimes than having a deep conversation. And so before we transition to that phase, I just wanted to say that.

And then secondly, a woman might challenge you, or she might challenge you back when you're challenging her, which is a really good thing. It kind of shows her interest in you, and she's trying to see if maybe you are this attractive guy that she sees. And so, Justin, what do you do when a woman tests you? When she throws something back at you?

There's, there's kind of three ways that you can respond, and I think we should cover those really quickly. Yeah, I mean, the first one immediately is to not take it personally. Um, and understand what it is. It's a good sign, right? So don't take it personally. To whatever it is, see how you can roll with it. Sometimes I, sometimes if you self-deprecate in this situation, it completely, it completely deflects it. But it really, self-deprecation really depends on your frame. Yeah. So that's a tricky one, but that would be something that, you know, I would do, and it would be self-deprecating in a fun way. And then, you know, the third one is, you know, see if you can fire back with something a little bit witty, you know, just to sort of deflect it. So the less, who are kind of two in the same, but one is is taking it on and being silly about yourself, and two is is challenging just a little bit more, which will spike up the energy a little bit. Yet, but, and then we'll talk about this because at some point, you have to defuse that, otherwise, there's too much, and you know, now you might start actually fighting. But so those are like the three that come to mind for me is immediately I don't think those things personally. Not, um, you know, and when I say fire back, you know, if she's being like, really fight, she'd be like, "Oh, you're so cute when you're all fired up." You know, that's what I mean by fired. When I mean fire back, I don't mean like, "Oh, well, you know, you're a big bag," or something. Yeah. No, I'm talking about just being cute and playful. Like, "Oh, you know, your cheeks get so red when you get all fired up." Right? Yeah. You know, so it's, that's what I'm talking about when I say fire back. And if it's self-deprecation, you know, it really depends on the situation, but, you know, you just kind of own it, you know, especially if she's calling you out on something that maybe you said was cheesy. And be like, "Ah, you know, talking about." Yeah.

And so related to that, you know, if she's testing you, that is a really strong indicator of her interest because if she's not interested in you, she's most likely going to ignore you or try to leave your presence as soon as possible. And so if she's coming back at you, if she's testing you, that's actually a good sign, most of the time. So you want to take it that way. And so for me, I have three options that I use to diffuse or to pass one of these tests, which are pretty easy. And the first one is just ignore it. Like it never even happened. Like she didn't actually ever even say anything, and you can just move the conversation on to the next thing. That's a really effective way because it shows her that you're not letting that get to you. And subconsciously, she's going to get that it didn't affect you, which is awesome. So that would, if you don't have anything witty to say, just pretend she didn't say anything at all. And that's really long. Yeah, it's really funny. And then another minute had non-react. That, yeah, that's what I'll talk about. Definitely. Definitely.

And related to your self-deprecation, instead of resisting what she's saying, because that kind of breaks the connection between you, instead build on it. So accept what she says completely, and then exaggerate it. So say what she doesn't want to hear. Like, if she says, like, "Oh, you're such a player." "Whatever, you're such a dick." Be like, "Yeah, actually, I just got the presidential award for being a dick this week. So I'm actually really excited about that." So just agree with what she says and make it like really big. And that also shows her that it's not affecting you, and it's really, really, really funny. And usually, she'll laugh. And then you can start connecting what they're at a deeper level.

And then kind of the third one is a little bit of the opposite, and it goes to what you said, which is just respond to what she says as a huge compliment. So if she's like, "Oh, you're such a dick." Just like you said, pretend that it's the biggest compliment you've ever gotten because actually, it is, because she's showing her interest in you. And a lot of guys don't understand that, but she's showing her interest. So really, the underlying context of what she's doing is complimenting you. So you respond to that instead of her words. So like you said, you could just say like, "Oh, you're so cute. Oh, you're so nice. Have I told you lately how nice you are?" And she'll like be disarmed by that. That's what being disarming means. Yep. Yeah.

And so, and so anytime a girl's giving you a hard time, take it as a compliment because it is. And you can respond to it in any of those ways that we just gave you. And so with big over thing is just, just, it's just a misinterpret it. Yeah. So if you want to be playful, just to misinterpret everything. Like she's hitting on you, that you are, like you just won the biggest dick award. You know, not like literally, but you know, for being true. Um, and, and things like that. So a simple way to think about it is, you know, she's saying something, how can I misinterpret it really positive? Like, "Hey, listen, I'm not that easy." Okay? Like, you can't just compliment, like, yeah, dedicated confidently like that, like that, and get right into my pants. Whatever it is you want to say.

Okay. Now you've established attraction by being playfully challenging. She's coming back at you, maybe she's qualifying herself to you. So let's talk about transitioning from that to connecting conversation, which is the next phase. And one really good way to transition into that that makes your connection really strong and powerful, and by the way, this can actually stop her from flaking on you if you do this, it's called qualification. And it's one of the most important things in dating. So Justin, what do you think about qualification? Can we talk about that?

Yeah. So the principle behind qualification is it's actually borrowed from sales, right? Like when you're in a sales situation, before you invest your time with this customer and say, you're selling really any kind of product, let's just say you're selling an expensive product, you want to know if they are qualified enough for this product. You also want to know if they're qualified enough, like if you can help them. Yeah. Um, so you would ask these qualifying questions so that you're properly matching, is this person that I'm going to do business with a good fit for what I have, what I have to provide, and are we going to be a good business relationship? So in that similar parallel, the same thing happens with dating, and you want to qualify kind of before you buy. Now, in this case, of what we're talking about, we're talking about a very simple bridge, if you will, from playful challenging to actually building more rapport or having connected, connecting conversations, right? So what we're talking about is a bridge, is a transition, if you will, over to this. And what you're doing in this sense is you're getting the other person to talk about themselves, okay? And you're, and when you have other people talk about themselves, they generally will bring up, while we're giving out the good stuff, they'll generally bring out their best versions of themselves, right? So if I said, "Hey, Jim, tell me a little bit about yourself." You're in a positive mindset, which you are, you're going to tell me all the cool things that are going on about your life, and that's going to spark a whole new conversation thread. Right? If you're in a negative mindset, you'd be like, "Well, you know, I thought about jumping off a bridge today, but really happened." And, you know, so you're like, "Whoa, okay." So, you know, you probably want to buy that, you know, no offense to anybody that's surprised, wherever I buy that, right? No. And I know those in extreme examples. So qualification is a bridge to the connectivity. But it, but the, the secret sauce of it, if you will, is it, it gets the other person to talk about themselves so that you can learn more about them, so that you can connect further with them. And remember, both hands go ahead.

And lastly, the reason why this, sorry, the reason why this relates to sales and reason why salespeople qualify is because it starts the buying process in the mind of the customer. So if you ask certain qualifying questions, they're going to start framing their answers in a buying conversation. And in this similar way, now this is a manipulation, is actually that help you, but, and this is what this, what happens in every single successful natural conversation anyways. We're just bringing it out into the forum so that you can see what actually happens of what success dating looks like. And there's always a call qualification area, and it's the process of of self-selling.

And, you know, it's hard for guys sometimes to understand this, but this is really about the vibe or the kind of feelings that you guys are having with each other. And what qualification does is it kind of flips the switch from this attraction phase or the playfully challenging conversation that you're having, and makes a really nice transition into connecting at a deeper level. And so related to selling, so when you do the playfully challenging stuff, you're communicating to her, "Hey, I'm physically attracted to you." That's basically what you're saying. And by her playing back with you, she's saying, "Hey, I might be physically attracted to you too, at least at first." So you have established that initial attraction already. That's been done. That's why you do the playfully challenging thing. And now she needs to know, number one, do you have more to your personality than just this playfully challenging little boy? And number two, are you going to like her for more than just her looks? And this is how you find out if her actual personality is a good fit for you, which is also really important for her too, because she wants to be liked and attracted to because of who she is as a person, not just because she's really hot. This is you again providing an opportunity for her to tell you more about herself, and for you to decide if she's actually really a good fit for you.

And back to vision, this is why we talk about what you actually want in a relationship and in a woman first, because you can tailor your qualification questions to what you actually want, and she's going to feel that. Yeah. If you're actually looking for specific qualities in a woman, and you kind of ask her about them in a really nice way, not kind of like, "Hey, are you good enough for me?" But like more like, "Are we a good fit for each other?" If you do that, she's going to feel really comfortable with her, with you. And if you've already established attraction, now she's going to be comfortable with you. She's going to feel attracted to you from the attraction phase, and she's going to feel deeply connected with you on an emotional level because you're asking more about who she is.

And now you're going to go into that connecting conversation. And if she feels the comedy of attraction and also this deep connection with you at the same time, that's what's going to make her show up on your first date. And that's what we want.

Cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, it's good. That's good. You know, I think I would like to move on unless we have a yes. There's not a go-to connecting conversation because there's a really simple. We talked about the qualification to bridge, right? Now, let's talk about actually how to build rapport. And the biggest mistake guys make is they go way deep. You have to like, super deep, and they overshare about themselves. And I have to get really comfortable. They go to like, level four rapport, which would be like beliefs, your core values, things like that. I call that level four. I, while now I'm working backwards. So I think the other ones, it's like, it's like the bottom line. I think the next deepest one would be like politics and like religion, right? So, you know, if you're layering this right. But where you want to start is like level one rapport. What I call level one rapport. Level one rapport is like, hey, where do you like to travel? Mm-hmm. What kind of music do you like? What's your favorite food? You've got a favorite wine? You know, what do you like to do for fun?

And hit on me at a bar. All right, that's a qualification one, but it's level. It's very surface level. So for a lot of guys, that seems boring, but it's not. So what's it look, really quickly, what's a good example of the qualification bridge from playfully challenging to connecting that a guy can use today? Yeah, so a qualification one. Now, it depends on your, your, your questions, right? But a simple one, the one that I used to use a lot, and feel free to try it, is it's a playful version of qualifications. So, you know, so what do you like to do for fun other than hit on me at the yoga studio? Do you? Yeah, super fun. Other than hit on me, you know, on the boat, on the boardwalk. You know, what do you like, super fun, other than hit on me, you know, at the bar, right? So it's a real fun, playful thing. And then it gets urges. And then you start moving on to areas of conversation that is fun, right? What do you like to do for fun? It's hard to have a bad conversation when it's around fun. Yeah, it's a good, perfect way to bridge from that playfully challenging phase of the conversation to actually connecting on the level one rapport that I was talking about. Yeah.

And one other one that I really like, and just this comes, I adapted it from Neil Strauss, but it's basically like, hey, you seem really cool. What's one thing I wouldn't know about you just by looking at you? Too good one. And that kind of, that kind of gives you a good insight into her mindset because she's going to share whatever is coming to her mind right now. So that the key to transitioning is just to make it very simple and a little bit fun still, if you can. And let her talk. So then when you transition into connecting conversation, here's the key to building rapport. You want to share a little bit about yourself, but you want to encourage her to share a lot. A lot of guys get this wrong. Your main job is really to start the conversation and to get it going, and then let her talk a lot. So what you want to do is ask open-ended questions that allow her to talk for a long time, instead of like yes or no interview type questions that everyone asks. Like, what do you do for a living? Well, that could be, that's kind of an open-ended question, but it's still just like a one-word answer. Or like, you like, do you like Italian food? That's a yes or no question. That's a really bad question. But instead, you could say, what are some of your favorite foods and why? And a really, really good one that I like to ask that's really fun, again, you can be playful and rapport as well, especially in the early stages. One really playful rapport building question that I love is, if you could be any animal, what would you be and why? Everyone likes talking about themselves. And this is a really fun, easy way to do it. So try that one tonight. It's going to work for you. Yeah. The other version of that too is, you know, if you can only pick between two cereals, which one would it be? Yeah. And like Fruit Loops or Fruity Pebbles or something. Um, yeah.

Here's the thing. Don't start with what do you do for work because she gets that question a lot. Eh, and to like 90% of people on this planet hate their job. So you don't want to know that anyway. So what you, you can start with though, is to playful, fun things that we were talking about earlier. And another thing too, that I want to feed off of because you mentioned yes or no questions, is that's the quest, that's what I call a question answer train. And that's where you ask a question, she answers, and then you ask another question, she answers, and so on and so forth. Here is the key to rapport. This is like secret sauce. Is what happens in any conversation with rapport? You fire off a question, she's going to answer. And then what you want to do is respond with with your own thoughts, opinions, or ideas about whatever she just said. And I'll say this, that yes, in general, you want to be more of a listener in this context, but you also want to have her talk a little bit more. You know, let's just throw out a number like 60/40. Like, mm-hmm, talk 60% of the time, you talk about 40% of the time. Because if she's talking all the time and you're not really sharing about yourself, you can't connect, right? That's not rapport. But what you can do is you can ask a question, she answers, and then you respond with something that's relatable to that answer, right from your own report. Yes, it's a rapport circle. In the, in the, in the conference that we're holding, I'm going to draw this out on a big giant board because it's so important that you ask a question, it starts here, she answers, you respond with something else, and then you can fire off another question. It's a circular loop. And the reason why it's a circle is because that's connection. Yeah.

And another thing I want to mention here is that most men think in a linear way. And your conversation with her doesn't have to make sense or go in a logical order. So for example, if she's telling you a story about something in her life and it sparks an idea for something you can share from your life, you can go into that even if it doesn't seem related. And then when you're sharing that story, let's say she cuts you off or the waiter comes over or something like that, just stop telling that story and don't continue telling that story unless she asks you to keep telling it. So be comfortable being fluid and just going on to different conversational topics at any point. Yeah. And be comfortable with silences. Yep. Too many people speak because they're, they can't handle uncomfortable. So practice. If you, if you need to practice, just not speaking. Yeah. Or not trying to fill the space. So as that comes off as nervous energy. And the thing is, like, as we go through these phases that we're talking about, they all have a different energy level and a different vibe. Like we mentioned before. And so when you're in that playfully challenging conversational mode, you're going to be a little more high energy. You're going to be laughing a little bit more. You're going to be moving your body around more. When you start to get into rapport, you slow down a little bit. And you can slow down your speech a little bit, like I'm doing right now. And you can also slow down your pauses. So when she's finished talking, try pausing for two or three seconds before you talk. And what will happen is a lot of times she will start talking again. And the interesting thing about this, I actually tried to experiment where I did this for a whole week with everyone. Almost every time, like 95% plus of the time, the other person would share more. And the thing that they would share would be more important, more meaningful, and more interesting. And so I encourage you to try this this week. Just do a week experiment where every time someone's talking to you, when they're finished, pause for three seconds and just see what happens. And again, you don't have to go overboard with this. But if you're just comfortable in this phase, she's going to feel comfortable too. And that's the whole point of the connecting conversation is to build that comfort with her. And so you want to put yourself in a comfortable state while you're listening to her, and she's going to feel that. And you want her to feel comfortable too. Yeah.

No, I like that. I like that. You know, it's a good transition, I think, too, to seductive conversation. Because now that you've established rapport, that builds comfort and ease within two people. That allows the space for you to move on in the conversation to see if there's even more chemistry between you and move it on into more of a, dare I say, sexual kind of conversation. Or if, and what I say when I, I need to really, really emphasize that I'm not talking about dirty talk. Miss Riley, correct. What I'm talking about is the vibe that you're exerting. I'm talking about a certain way that you say things. The, the risks that you take in sharing how you actually feel about her. That's what I'm talking about. I'm not talking about her looks. You know, I'm not talking about what you want to do to her later. What I'm talking about is art. Is art. Is the risk that you're going to take by sharing how you feel about her. Okay? And the reason why this is at the end, not the beginning, is because that's too much in the beginning. Yeah. It's way too much at the beginning. It's way too high stakes for people that are involved, for you included. So this is a good time and a natural time to share how you actually feel about her. Yeah.

And if she has kind of gone along with your playfully challenging conversation in the beginning, you've established the attraction between you, you've qualified her, you've shifted into rapport, she's answering your qualifying questions. As soon as, as soon as she answers a few of those and you've already built attraction before then, you know that you can, what they say, escalate, which just means touch her a little bit more, maybe go for a kiss, etc. And what's really important about this phase is your body and how you are facing her and how you're touching her and if you're alone with her or not. It's usually someone that are comfortable with this, but most women are not going to be comfortable getting more intimate with you in public. And so you, during this phase of the seduction conversation, you want, what they say, isolate her, which just means you want to be alone with her in another spot. Now, you can, if you're out at a bar, you can do this at the bar. You can take her to kind of a dark corner where no one can see. That can be fine. So you can do it there. Ideally, this would be after like your second date and now you've invited her into your apartment and you're sitting on the couch with her and you're having one of these connecting conversations. Now you can shift it into seductive conversation. And like you, like you said, Justin, this is not about dirty talk. This is about taking the comfort even higher to a physical level. One thing that I really love to do that seems to work really well is if you're sitting on the couch with her and you've already had the attraction, you've already had the connection, you can kind of like lay on her lap a little bit or like have her, have her head near your shoulder or you touch her leg just a little bit in a really comfortable way. Something that builds the physical connection with you is even more important than the words that you say. And just like in the connecting conversation phase where you slow down your, your movements and your conversation a little bit, when you get to the seduction phase, but kind of the last phase of your conversation where you're going to be escalating, you really want to slow everything down. If you want to, you can lower the tone of your voice, not so much that it's fake, but just so that it's really comfortable. And so you're talking slower, you're moving slower, maybe you're touching her arm a little bit, maybe you're, you touch her face really casually and slowly. Maybe you're laying on her while you're talking and you just let her get comfortable with that initial level of touching while you still have this conversation. And then you can try to escalate it from there. So then you can maybe look at her in a certain way and go for a kiss or start playing with her hands or something. And you can kind of start ratcheting it up from there until she stops you. Yeah.

It's really subtle. The emphasis on subtle. It's not overt. It's exactly like you described. Those are actually natural, very natural, common occurrences. And here's the thing. Then you will know what's appropriate, what's not appropriate. I think instinctually, you're just going to know that you should do something. That the battle is, are you actually going to risk and do it? Yeah. You know, or are you going to play it safe? Okay, thanks are high. I get it. But you have to assume the attraction is going on here. She's, um, and I like that you distinguished the timeframe. We're talking about this in a linear fashion, but this seductive conversation could be on the second date. It could be on the third date. It doesn't have to be right there at the bar. In fact, in some cases, it's better for a tension spike to grab her number, especially with their friends. And, you know, sometimes you just run into situations where you just both have to part ways, but you grab her number, you text her, and that continues the tension so that you can have a seductive conversation. So guys, this is not a one-two-three process. It's right. This could be like one, two, three, four, five kind of process. This could be spread out over two or three dates. So I like that you really, really brought that to light because that's super important. And then, and let's use the couch example, you know, where you, you two are alone, you guys can feel more comfortable together. It's very subtle, but you have to assume that she's into you because why else would she be in that apartment? Guys trip this up. So man, I can't tell you how many guys I've talked to where they're like, dude, she's in my bed, but we didn't do anything. I'm like, what do you mean? Yeah, I'm not talking about like, I'm listen, this would be one. I'm not talking about sex here either. Yes, not. I'm talking about like, did they kiss? Kissing? Yeah, like that. No, I didn't go that far. And like, you couldn't have any more clear signs. And that's an extreme example, but you have to assume the attraction. She's there for a reason. She wouldn't get dressed up for you if she wasn't attracted to you. She wouldn't even answer your phone if it wasn't attracted to. So you have to take the data and and realize it for what it is and not listen to your [ __ ] head because you're afraid of screwing it up. And this, in this situation, it's hard to screw it up. The only way you can screw it up is by not going for it. Two things I want to say right there because that's so friggin important. Look, if she has already gone through the playfully challenging phase with you and she's engaging you in that, and then you shifted to qualification in the connecting phase and she's answering your qualifying key questions and she's talking a lot with you, and then she isolates herself to be alone with you. Sometimes women will isolate you. They will take you into their room or they'll try to be alone with you somewhere. If they're doing that, you don't have to worry about it at all. It's actually not risky if you go for the kiss because they're, I mean, maybe in like point zero zero zero zero one percent of those situations, she doesn't want to be kissed. But almost always, if she's isolating herself with you, whether you're leading that or not, she's comfortable being kissed at that point. You've already established attraction, you've already established a connection, she feels comfortable with you, and she's probably, she's probably going to be wondering why you're not going for it if you don't. And so here's the thing, right? It's not, it's nerve-wracking for you. And here's a really simple way that you can test this out. Let's say you're still not sure, you can't get it through your thick head that this woman is not going to be alone with you unless she wants to be kissed. If you can't handle that right now, here's a really simple way for you to deal with this. It makes it easier for you and more comfortable for her at the same time. You can throw out a verbal line to see if she wants to be escalated on before you go for it. And it's really simple and actually can make it more fun and more comfortable for her too. So one example of that would be, let's say you're sitting together on the couch and maybe you're even already laying on her or something is happening where you're touching her. You can say, you can just stop whatever you're saying and just look at her in the eyes and say, you know, if you keep looking at me like that, I'm going to have to kiss you. Or, hey, if you keep looking at me that way, I might have to kiss you. So it's kind of open, and you're kind of seeing what her reaction is going to be. And by doing that, you're going to find out if she actually wants to be kissed. So that's a whole another level that you can go to if you're not sure. And by the way, you can drop that kind of a line anytime. Like, hey, stop being so awesome, or I might have to kiss you. And just see how she reacts. And that's going to tell you exactly where you stand right now. And if she's ready to be escalated on, or if you need to build more connection or more attraction first. I like giving strong eye contact and saying, you know what, I'm having a really hard time not making out with you right now. Yeah. And that's, that's another variation of that. Yeah, that's a good one too. Yeah.

It's really just, it's that the point is is at this point, you have to assume that there's attraction and and eating. You know, and here's what I wanted to say is that that nervousness that you're feeling, you're misinterpreting that as fear or fear of failure. What that is, is tension. Yep. That is tension. That sexual tension. Yep. Um, and so it's, it's not fear. It's tension. And the reason why it's so fearful is because you're not acting. You, you, you're getting caught between I know I should act, but I can't because I'm afraid of failure. And that actually increases your anxiety. But that doesn't change the tension in the room. So actually, to release that tension, the reason why kissing is so much fun, especially the first time, is because there's a release of tension. Yep. Along with that release of tension, there is a release of endorphins and a lot of other things that go on in the brain. But that's why that's so magical and that's why that's so fun is because finally, it's happening. That everyone can like relax and let go. And that's why it's so passionate, you know, especially the first few times. Or, you know, if you're, if you, if you know what you're doing in relationships and you find that right one, that's why it's always that way. So that's, that's what that means is that that's a tension. If you want to release that tension and you're tired of screwing up, then you have to, you have to like literally jump off a cliff. I don't even care if that's what it feels like. If it feels like jumping off a cliff in that situation, then you need to jump off the cliff and figure out how to fly. And by the way, I just have to say this, women love kissing. And also women love sex. So if you have a belief in your head that you have to like try to get something from her, that's [ __ ]. She loves kissing. She loves having sex. But only if she's actually attracted to you and also feels comfortable with you. Okay? So just because she's not interested in that right away when you first meet her, like maybe you might be, that doesn't mean that she doesn't want it at all. She probably wants it a lot. But she has to make sure that she's getting genuine value from you first, which means you've established attraction and you made her feel comfortable. She trusts you and she feels attracted to you at the same time. And then she can let herself go. She doesn't have to worry about you judging her or you telling all your friends what you did. There's a lot of things that she has to worry about. And guess what? That actually means that possibly females love sex more than men because like we talked about in another module, they have a lot more at risk. They have a lot more to lose if this goes wrong. And so for them to get over that and still sleep with you, they must enjoy it. And so just remember when you're going for it, they enjoy kissing. They enjoy having sex. They just don't want to be forced into it. They don't want to be judged for it. They don't want you to tell all your friends about what you just did with her. They don't want to damage their reputation. They're thinking, they don't want to get pregnant accidentally. They don't want to get a disease. So they have all of these barriers. But that doesn't mean that they don't want it, especially when they feel really comfortable and connected to you. Yeah.

Nailed it. Nailed it. Cool. Well, I think we've covered a lot of ground here. So a lot of ground. Really quickly, before we end this episode, I think it's already been really good, but I just want to give guys a couple of general things that will make your dates more fun and your conversations on your dates better. And there's just a couple of general guidelines. Number one, we already mentioned, avoid heavy, serious subjects. You want to keep it light and playful as much as possible. Okay? So keep that in mind. Number two, back off on the compliments. You don't want to give her a million compliments. You could give her like one compliment per date. Like, hey, you look really nice today. You can say something really simple like that. That's okay. Swell. Yeah, yeah. A little bit. But don't compliment her a million times. And just by limiting that, that's going to make you more attractive. So if you remember, no negative subjects, limit the compliments, and then get her talking and let her talk 60 to 80% of the time while you also share a little bit, then your conversations are going to be much more natural. They're going to feel better to her, and you're going to be more naturally attractive, which is what we're going for in this program. Yeah.

And then just overall, have fun with it. You know, there's no right or wrong way to do this. That's what I've learned after, you know, so many times of just rejection and putting myself out there. So there's really no right or wrong way to do it. And the only way you're going to find out what's right for you is you going out there and you doing it yourself and you getting the experience. And sometimes it sucks in the beginning. And, you know, I'm not going to sugarcoat this and say, oh, it's so awesome because the only reason why it sucks is you have to deal with your own [ __ ] in your head. The rejection doesn't suck. It's what goes on in here that sucks. Um, and you just got to be, you got to roll with it. You got to learn how to navigate your own, your own negative thought patterns. And the only way you're going to do that is by getting yourself out there because you get, you can't think your way out. You can't think your way through this. It's purely experiential. So that's it. You know, and that's why I say have fun with it because it's going to go good or bad, either way. Yeah. So just have fun with it. Have fun with the whole process. And if I can, one thing that really changed my life around with this whole thing was I looked forward to the nos. Those were fun. Hmm. Those started becoming fun. Yeah. And they almost started becoming ridiculous. I'm like, oh, maybe this is just, you know, here we go. Here's the last step. Be delusional in a way. You know, be unrealistic in a way. Because right now, your baseline, if you're watching this, is you're way below in terms of beating yourself up and keeping yourself living small. So sometimes what ends up happening is when you're so far left in the wrong direction, you need to go so far right in the other direction so that you center yourself back. Yeah. And so be a real little ridiculous. You know, assume that every girl is into you. You know, I'm not in a dick way, not in an arrogant way, just presume that you're an attractive guy and then go test that assumption. So I know I've said a lot there and it's just to hit multiple different personalities out there because people are going to connect to what we said or you're going to connect what we said in specific chunks. And I don't want to leave anybody hanging because there's different ways to learn this stuff. Yeah. You just need to gravitate to which ones that resonate with you and then go apply it, apply it, apply it, and then apply it 10,000 more times.

Well, you know, that's well said. And the thing is, you know, just like body language, this is something that you have to practice until it becomes a habit. And once you kind of get this, the framework of these attractive conversations down, once you feel that, you'll know instinctively when to switch into connecting conversation and when to move into seductive conversation. And you'll start to feel it. And that's what it becomes natural. And again, that's what we want. And again, just like body language, it might not feel natural at first. You might have to use some stock pickup lines at first. That's fine, as long as you're not depending on those still six months or a year from now. And so what I encourage you to do, definitely what I encourage you to do, is to practice this stuff as much as possible with just random people that you see throughout the day. You can practice bantering with them, you can practice connecting with them, you can ask them qualifying questions. And honestly, people love talking about themselves. So if you're on a plane, you're next to someone, start, start having this connecting conversation with them and see how it goes. See how it feels. And then just calibrate over the next six months or so. And then you're going to be a great conversationalist. And then when you meet that woman, it's not going to feel like so much pressure because you're automatically going to know what mode you're in, where you're going, and what to do next. And ultimately, we want you to know what to do next without having to think too much about it. So you have to start out that way for a little while first. Practice it. And then it becomes natural, just like the body language that we learned in the last module. And if you have to think of it like weightlifting, you're not going to go bench, you know, two plates on either side right away. That would kill you. So, you know, if you're, if your sticking point is the playful challenging, then practice playful challenging. If your sticking point is they just don't take me seriously, then try connecting conversations and qualifying more. You know, if you're really good at getting up to that phase, but you chickened out in the bedroom, then jump off the cliff like I mentioned. You know, probably speak and go, actually, good. And you know, learn, learn that the risk is a lot more in your head than then in actuality.

Well, and once you get some of that positive feedback, then that's going to feed your next behavior so much, man. Strongly. And so you just got to jumpstart that process and start getting that feedback. So you can keep that loop going. And once that loop is going and you understand that it is actually bringing value to speak with women this way, then it's going to feel natural. It's going to feel good. And you're just going to do it everywhere you go. Love it. Cool. All right. I think we just, I think we just like took their brains and like, layered it. Guys, all right. I hope you enjoyed the presentation and got a lot out of it. And just remember when you're having a conversation with a woman, one of the most important things is just to let her talk. So in the presentation, we covered a lot of things that you can do and say in your conversations with women, but remember that we want her to talk 60 to 80% of the time. So you also want to share about yourself, but just remember to let her talk, and you're going to do a lot better. It's really important to keep that in mind. And then again, let your conversations flow. Don't be so linear in your thinking when it comes to how you talk to women. Just like Justin and I talked about in the presentation, be ready to let the conversation flow wherever it goes. This is not a business transaction. Okay? So if you just let her talk a little bit more than you talk, and you let the conversation flow a little bit more than normal, you're going to do a lot better. And as a thank you for checking out this presentation today, we have some gifts for you. We have some advanced free training for you. And you can get all of that by going to dating advice for men who love women dot com. That's dating advice for men who love women dot com. So go grab that advanced free training now. I'm Jim Wolf with dating advice for men who love women, and I'll talk to you later. Cheers.