Transcription
This is how women fall in love. And this is how men fall in love.
What all these hormones are basically telling us is that women fall in love during orgasm, while men fall in love when they think about having sex. This is an evolutionary mechanism meant to keep both partners loyal. But why? The human baby benefits a lot from having both parents together. So, it all comes back to procreation.
This perfectly matches with Helen Fischer's book, where she explains that falling in love can be separated into three different stages.
Stage one, lust. For men, lust is linked to testosterone, while for women, lust is linked with estrogen. But here's the deal. Men follow a daily hormonal cycle. Testosterone increases during sleep and it peaks right after waking up. Women follow a monthly hormonal cycle. Their estrogen peaks right before ovulation, the period of the month when they're fertile. So, they're hornier for a few days every month, while men are hornier every day, especially in the morning. But this doesn't mean that women don't experience lust in their infertile period, just not as much as men, apparently.
In a study made by the dating app, Okay Cupid, it was revealed that women rate the majority of men as below average, while men rate the majority of women as average. But why? Well, in 1972 it was discovered that the sex who invests more in reproduction becomes more selective. Throughout centuries, women were exposed to higher risks like unwanted pregnancies, sickness, and abandonment. That's why they're much more selective than men.
But now, how can you make a woman more lustful over you? First, work on your scent. You see, most of the other senses like hearing and seeing have to go through a region called the dianphylon before arriving at the brain, but scent, this one goes directly into the brain's emotional center. So, to spark lust, apply fragrance to the pulse points, but do not exaggerate. The goal is that the scent is only noticeable within the intimate zone, aka 18 inches or less. This creates a reward loop. She has to be near you to feel the scent, which makes her want to stay closer.
Second, work on your face. In 2013, University of New South Wales tried to discover what is the sexiest beard length. So, they took some women and showed them these photos: clean shaven, light stubble, heavy stubble, light beard, and full beard. The most attractive one, heavy stubble. Long enough to signal masculinity, but short enough to not be associated with aggressiveness. The least attractive one, light stubble.
Third, work on your appearance. We all know that having a V-shape, great skin, and great hair makes you more attractive. I already have a video in which I talk about all of these. Link in description. But as a quick fun fact, it turns out that women perceive men in red clothing as more sexually desirable.
Stage two, attraction. This stage is less influenced by looks and more influenced by the other person's actions. Take a look at this study from 2022. It shows what love language women desire compared to men. As you can see, men desire more touch, and women desire more time. But the love language a person desires can be different to the one that they give. This graph shows that men tend to give more touch and acts of service, while women tend to give more of the other love languages, especially time spent together. This can be connected to the fact that on average, women think about their partner 54% of the time, while men do it for only 44%.
But spending more time with her doesn't necessarily mean that your relationship gets better. This is Dr. John Gottman, a guy who can predict divorce with 90% accuracy just by watching a couple interact. He said that every stable relationship has five positive interactions for every one negative interaction. Why? Because of an evolutionary mechanism called negativity bias. Our brain remembers negative experiences three to five times stronger than positive ones.
But how can you offer those positive moments? A shared reality theory. It was discovered that couples who share a private language or inside jokes bond faster because it creates an "us versus the world" dynamic. On the same principle, you can use playful nicknames that are based on her behavior and not general ones like "babe."
B. Variable reward theory. MRI studies on the brain discovered that the reward regions activate more when the outcome is unpredictable. That's why social media is so addicting. You never know at what time interval you'll get a new dopamine hit. So, from time to time, do something unpredictable.
See humor. Here's a funny fact: women like men who can make them laugh. But men, we don't care that much about their humor. We just like women who laugh at our jokes.
Stage three, attachment. Depending on the parents' behavior, every person gets one of these four attachment styles. This is a psychological phenomenon, but most of the time, biology beats psychology. Enter the pursue-withdraw cycle. If one partner withdraws or gets distant, the other one will pursue more. So, feeling suffocated, the first partner will withdraw even more, and the second partner will pursue even more. With time, one partner will enter avoidant attachment, while the other will enter anxious attachment.
Apparently, women are biologically more prone than men to become anxious. Why? In nature, when the male provider withdraws attention, it often means he's preparing to leave. So, this is an evolutionary mechanism to keep him loyal to her. It also correlates to this study from 2025, which says that women tend to fall in love harder than men do.
But during her research, Helen Fischer, the woman from the beginning of the video, started to notice a strange pattern. Most divorces happen after 4 years of marriage. Why is this so important? 4 years is roughly how long it takes for a child to become more independent. So, they don't need both parents anymore. The women can take care of the child alone. So, you see, I was lying. This is actually the fourth stage of falling in love: disunityity.
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But as the last hundreds of years have taught us, evolution can be hijacked with the right science. If you want to know the three specific elements that make or break a relationship, I know just the video for you.