Transcription
The definition of charming is someone who is pleasant or attractive, and many of the characters in Hollywood movies play the charming role perfectly. However, the difference is that Hollywood movies are scripted, and real life is not. Even if you could write a charming script for yourself, it still wouldn't work because nobody else around you is reading from the same storyline.
If you want to go far in life, knowing how to charm anyone will significantly increase the odds that things will work out in your favor. Some people are naturals, so they're able to charm people almost every waking second of their life. But for the rest of us, charm is more like a switch—now we can learn to turn on or off as we need to.
The ability to turn on the charm can help you with girls, business deals, job interviews—in virtually any situation where something that you want can be granted to you by someone else. What I mean is, to get what you want, you must be able to charm someone and make them like you. A perfect example is a job interview. Since the interviewer likely has many applicants to choose from, the more that you can make them like you, the more likely you are to get the job.
An incredible life insight that I've learned over time is that most of the world is based on how much someone likes you and not so much on how qualified you are. In most industries, especially the ones that don't require many qualifications, you are more likely to be chosen by the hiring manager based almost exclusively on how much they like you. This probably doesn't seem fair because it really isn't, but it's just the way that things work. You can either accept it, adapt, and win, or you can deny it and lose out on many great opportunities.
Good old Donald is a perfect example of the point that I'm trying to make. Before we move on, you should understand a key difference between old and new school charm. About 60 or 70 years ago, charm was basically chivalry, which means opening doors for people and pulling out chairs for the ladies. New-school charm is different because the generations of people are different these days. If you tried to toss your jacket onto the ground to allow a girl to walk over some mud, you'd probably just look like a weirdo. It is also important to realize that being charming in today's world isn't about being a nice guy because you're not giving away any of your power as a man.
With that said, let's get right into it.
Tip number one: The power of your name. When I say name, I'm actually talking about the other person's name. One of the easiest, most effective ways to turn on the charm is to remember somebody's name. It was Dale Carnegie who said, "There is nothing sweeter than the sound of one's own name." Think about that for a second. Every day you probably hear at least a hundred different names, but it's only when your name is mentioned that you feel a large spike of pleasure in your brain. This effect is very real, and if you can recall someone's name when meeting them for the second time, you'll instantly seem more charming. If you work at a coffee shop or somewhere similar, another trick that is just as powerful as remembering and recalling someone's name is remembering their favorite coffee drink, or if you work in a restaurant, their favorite meal or dessert. At its core, recalling someone's name works so well because it fulfills the basic human need to feel important. An easy memory trick that you can use to remember anyone's name is to immediately link their name to a specific image in your head after you hear it. For example, if you just met a guy named Jack, you could link his name to a mental image of a giant beanstalk.
Tip number two: Ego play. Something that most people don't realize is that all humans are naturally selfish creatures. There are times when we genuinely care about others, but for the most part, our brains are hard-wired to care almost exclusively about ourselves and for our own well-being. Every human being on the planet has an ego, and some have much, much larger egos than others. But even those who have very small egos still want to talk about themselves and their achievements. After you meet someone, one of the easiest ways to instantly seem more charming is to use a compliment to get the person to talk about themselves. Imagine you just met Joe, and you know that he's really good at video games. All that you have to do is tell Joe that you've heard that he's good with videogames and get him to talk about himself. The initial compliment strokes Joe's ego, and it also sets up the conversation to allow Joe to further stroke his ego by talking about his videogame skills. This psychological trick works well because it plays on the basic human need to feel important. By stroking someone's ego in these two major ways and showing genuine interest, you'll instantly become more charming around others.
Tip number three: Keep things short. As mentioned earlier, humans naturally care mostly about themselves, so one of the secrets to becoming instantly more charming is to keep it short. If you look at James Bond or similar charming characters in Hollywood movies and really pay attention, you'll see that whenever they talk, they always keep things short, light, fun, and interesting. A huge mistake that a lot of people make is going into too much detail about whatever it is that they're talking about. Fortunately, there is a really neat trick that you can use to do this. The next time you're about to tell a huge story or go into too much detail, all that you have to do is condense everything into one sentence. For example, instead of telling a super long story about how a bird pooped on your head while you're at the beach with loads of unnecessary details, just condense your story into a single sentence. The most charming guys always keep things short during a conversation.
Tip number four: It's all about the energy. It's true that there are many technical details, but at the end of the day, a huge part of being charming is your energy. They say that what is unseen is more real than what is seen. You've probably heard someone say that they were getting a bad vibe from someone. The word vibe is really just a way to describe a person's energy, and your own energy is infectious. To instantly become more charming, you need to make sure that you're putting out the right energy, and your energy is basically your body language, voice tone, and how you behave around people. To put out the right energy, you should be humble but confident, and positive but not too positive. One of the fastest ways to become the opposite of charming is to complain and be negative. A negative person is the polar opposite of a charming person. Always keep things light and playful. If you're not sure what sort of energy this is, just watch a few movies with James Bond in them and try to model your vibe after them.
Tip number five: Be like Bond. It was Confucius who said that the easiest way to learn something is through imitation. So if you want to hone your charming skills, the easiest way to learn is by watching someone else do it and modeling your behavior after them. Everything from body language to proper voice tonality can be learned and emulated from watching charming people like James Bond. Sure, we all know that he's only acting, but isn't that what we're all doing in real life anyway? We all have our own unique character that we play and use to get what we want out of life. By emulating a charming person like Bond, you're simply copying their body language and voice tonality, and with enough practice, these things will start to feel very natural, and you'll naturally become a much more charming person. In case you didn't know, every part of who you truly are as a person was installed into your brain through emulating your parents growing up. Your morals, many of your beliefs, and so many other things have been programmed into your head by emulating your parents and other people around you. The human brain actually has mirror neurons, which are designed to quite literally allow you to feel what others are feeling and emulate their behavior. Basically, every part of who you think you are is the result of emulating somebody else while you were growing up. This is the reason why people say you are the sum of your closest friends, or basically, you are who you hang out with. Many guys who get caught up in crime and living a terrible lifestyle are quite literally the end result of years of emulating the wrong people. So go with Bond, and don't be wrong.
The key insights to remember from this is that being charming, at its core, is really just how good you're able to make people feel when they're around you. Oddly enough, this is also the most effective way to build attraction with girls. It also helps to stay a bit mysterious because it makes you seem exciting and makes people want to be around you even more. With the help of these simple psychological tricks, you can instantly turn the charm on, but like everything in life, charm is a skill that takes time and practice to develop. So start spending a little bit of time every single day developing your own unique charm, and you'll gain access to many more opportunities in life that are only available to charming people. And with that said, until next time, thanks for watching.