Sex, Singleness, and Sacred Vows (1 Corinthians 7:1-16)

[Music] Will the Lord be with you? Also with you.

If you have a Bible, and I hope you or someone around you does, would you turn with me? We are going to be looking at 1 Corinthians chapter 7 this morning. We're actually going to be covering verses 1-6. 1 Corinthians chapter 7:es 1-16 and this is a letter that the apostle Paul is writing to a church in the city of Corinth.

Now Corinth is a a city that is heavily influenced by a variety of different um schools of thought, different philosophies, different social levels of status and wealth. And so because of the influence of this city, we find that Paul is writing to them in a time of great need because this church actually has a lot of problems because the city in its spirit is infiltrating the church. Rather than the church being a light and salt to the city, the city itself is actually corrupting this church. And so through this letter, we we see Paul is addressing a a variety of these issues.

And so far, we've seen that because of the culture, we see that it's resulting in division in the church. We see that there's these different factions that are forming that some are saying that I'm of Paul, I'm of Apollos, I'm of Cphus. And they're basically trying to find their status, their value, their worth, their significance in the church is based on who their leader is or who they were baptized by. And so there's this spirit of competition in the church rather than them being united in Christ. They're they're dividing Christ. And so Paul addresses this issue and calls them to seek the gospel and to be united around the gospel message. And so we see that there's this wisdom of the world and there's the wisdom of of the gospel. And he's calling them back to that to their identity found in Christ because they are saints in Christ even though they aren't necessarily living up to their identity.

But then we see that there's other issues. Not just are there divisions, which that would be very stressful and problematic in a church. That would be enough, right? I'm sure that we know what it's like when you have divisions in a church or or or problems with a a friend or a family member. But not only were there divisions about status and competition, but we also find that there was incest going on within the church. There's a man who is sleeping with his father's wife. Most likely, hopefully this was his stepmother and not his actual mother. But we see that there's this inappropriate incestuous relationship going on. And rather than the church dealing with it or maybe even trying to figure out how do we minister to this person, what we find is that they actually are boasting in the fact that this relationship is going on and that they were proud of themselves for being so affirming and accepting. And what Paul basically does is he says that this is wickedness that you aren't showing true love to this person by not calling them out on their sin and correcting them. And so he's calling them to em brace church discipline for this specific individual so that his soul might be saved.

So we see division, we see incest. We then also saw lawsuits. We looked at that issue where there are these petty lawsuits now going on within the body where certain people are trying to take advantage of others and and are suing them over trivial matters. And then what we spent the last uh week on was we looked at sexual immorality. So we we took some more time to look at this. Not only was there incest going on, but it also seems as if what was going on at this time is there were certain Christians that after a long days of long day of work that they were going to the temple prostitutes and they were starting to embrace all different forms of sexual immorality um for themselves. And what they were doing is they were using the gospel and the freedom that Christ has given us as an excuse for their morality. That they were actually saying, "Well, we are free. All things are lawful for me." And basically they have these different slogans that they started to to state and to to to um to basically justify their their acts. And then Paul would utilize their their slogans if you remember. And then he would qualify them. And he explains how we are to walk in the liberty of Christ. And ultimately reminding us that though we are free in Christ, we were still bought at a price. That our bodies were bought and redeemed out of slavery. We are not to go back and bind ourselves in slavery and give ourselves over to sin again because that's what he freed us from. And so we are to walk and to honor Christ with our bodies, with our with our very lives.

Well, this morning, what we're going to find in chapter 7 is he's going to kind of continue this subject on immorality, but it's kind of going to be a little bit on the flip side of this. And I I know I've mentioned a couple of times like the some PG-13 messages um and I had to give a little bit of a disclaimer ahead of time, especially if you have children here. But really, as I keep reading First Corinthians, I'm just like I want to just kind of say the disclaimer is out there. Anytime we're reading First Corinthians, there's a PG-13 um disclaimer. And really, when you're reading the Bible, there's even are disclaimers depending on what you're reading, right? Um, but I just want to give that out there as we think about this because what we're going to find in chapter 7 is that the Corinthians, they were struggling not only with immorality on one side, but there was actually two extremes going on in this church. So, we looked last time about the immorality piece. Well, what we're also going to find in this section is that the the other extreme is that some were embracing aseticism. That is like living like a monk where you are denying yourself of all pleasures. And they were getting so extreme that there were actually certain couples who were married and they would deny their spouses their conjugal rights. And so what he now starts to address is the topic about sex, singleness, and marriage. And how are we to think about that as the church? What is God's design? What is his purpose and intentions for these specific subjects?

And I think that this question is really interesting because once again in verse one, you'll notice he actually is saying that they wrote to him about this. It says now concerning the things of which you wrote to me. So what he's actually doing is he's responding to a very specific question or or issue that's going on in the church. And so this is not meant to be viewed as an exhaustive teaching by Paul on these topics, but it's meant to address some of the specific issues going on here. But I think these questions that he is answering are relevant for our culture today as well because I think just like the Corinthians who were struggling with how do we deal with sex and marriage and singleness in these areas. I think that we have these questions going on in our culture. It's almost like there's a resurgence of this Corinthian spirit in our own culture because I think that we see that typically when people are thinking about sex in these different topics is that they really kind of view sex in three ways. One of three ways. It's either sex is God, that it's literally the best thing, the most important thing. Sex is gross, that is, we should sustain from it. We should, you know, completely get rid of it. We we're opting out of it. Um, we should never talk about it in the church, right? If it talks about it in the Bible, we rip those pages out kind of a thing. Or what I think Paul is going to explain today, sex is a gift. So sex is not God. Sex is not gross. Sex is meant to be a gift. And I think that's what Paul is going to show us in this section.

And so the first thing specifically is I think what he begins to unpack for us is that sexual intimacy actually serves as a safeguard against immorality. So in verses 2 to 4, what he starts to do is he shows how sexual satisfaction is to be found exclusively with one's spouse. It says, "Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife and let each woman have her own husband. Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise, the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does."

See, what he's saying here now is he first off has been addressing the sexual immorality, and that would be any sexual act outside of the marriage covenant. He's been addressing these issues in the church. And then in verse one, he's addressing the question, and he says, "It's not a bad thing if someone wants to stay single." And he actually says that it can be good for a man not to touch or to or to pursue a woman in that way. But he says, "But if you are going to be someone who is pursuing sexual relationships, sexual satisfaction, it is only to be found in the exclusivity of a marriage covenant." And I think just for a moment, just as we think about this, this is important for us. This is the only place in which this is a safe. This is the design for sexuality because we live in a sex saturated culture. You cannot turn on the TV, get on social media and not eventually run into this sa uh sex saturated influence that we see in our culture. Likewise, what we see currently, even in our churches today, how there is rampant cohabitation going on. You know, we as a church, we're pretty good at picking out certain sins that we really like to preach against or really, you know, we really want to judge people for their sins. But then so often in the church, we will just overlook cohabitation. people that are not married to one another and they are living together. They are acting as if they are married without the sacred covenant, without the the vows, the commitment before before God and before man. And so he's letting us understand here that there is a context for it, but it's within the context of marriage.

And as we think about marriage and we think about this specific topic with it, notice the emphasis here about how he defines or describes marriage. He describes it as heterosexual monogamy. Do you notice that? It says, "Let the husband render to his wife the affection to her and likewise the wife to her husband." And before that, it even says his own wife and her own husband. Notice that it's not you don't share it. This isn't polygamy. This isn't polyamory, which is also becoming more prominent in our culture, in our world today. But he's saying no, you have rights to one specific individual and it's going to be the husband has his wife and the wife has her husband. So it's it's actually being really clear for us here that this is the way this is how God has designed marriage and this is where sexual intimacy and satisfaction is meant to be found.

So he gives us the parameters here. But then he actually says within this that they are to have mutual authority and mutual self-giving within this marriage covenant. Isn't that really interesting to see how Paul does this? In fact, this actually, you know, some for some people who really don't like Paul because they think he's kind of, you know, sexist at times. Now, obviously not the church hopefully, but but culture sometimes they accuse Paul of being sexist. This is actually kind of radically progressive if you think about it for his day. Think about this. This is where women do not have rights. Typically speaking, they don't have a lot of say in marriage covenants. And if they were to be um divorced or let go, that that could have been very problematic and devastating for them socially, um economically. And and what we see here is that he actually is saying that both the husband and the wife, they have mutual authority over one another. It's not the husband, you have your wife. No, it's the wife also has the husband. That your bodies are actually meant to give be given to one another. That you have rights over your spouse. So you can actually tell them what pleases you, what doesn't please you. You can tell them things that you are happy with, that you are unhappy with. These are things that you can actually have a discussion and should be having discussions. Now once again this is meant to be done in love and respect because once again this is self-giving not self-giving. The emphasis here is you are looking to one another is giving yourself over to one another in love and respect.

And I think the reason that he's describing it in this way is because when we think about what marriage is, marriage is the union of identities. marriage is or what it requires is a surrender of autonomy. And sometimes we don't even think about that when we think about marriage. So many times when we think about getting married, we're thinking about what am I going to get in this rather than what can I give to this. But that's what he's kind of reminding and reshaping the conversation is it's not all about you in marriage. It's not all about you when it comes to sexual satisfaction, but rather you are supposed to be looking to the other because the thing is when you are married, the two become one flesh. And that's exactly what is described in Genesis 2:4. It says, "Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife. They shall become one flesh." See, that's God's intention for marriage. You are not two separate individuals with different identities, different purposes, different missions. You are meant to come together as one. You are saying, "I'm relinquishing my own priorities. I'm I am now seeking what is best for us, for this family, for this for this home, for for my spouse." That is the goal. And what sex does is it strengthens this union. That's actually why I think you see it saying it's a one flesh union. Now, I think this incorporates more than just the physical, but it definitely includes it. And I think that God gave us sex for a purpose. And I think a a healthy sex life within a a a covenant marriage, it serves as a spiritual and an emotional anchor. That's why I think God gives that to us because there are things that happen in your brain chemically whenever you pair with your spouse. And God has created it not only on a on a biological but in an emotional and a spiritual level. It's meant to link us together in union and to promote satisfaction and love. And so God has given us this thing and it's a good thing. But once again as we're talking about this we are not talking about lust. This is not the category that we are talking about when we're describing this. Once again, I know we might be getting get uncomfortable sometimes when we talk about this, but if we want to talk about what God's word says and what this is intending for us to understand and to apply to our lives, we need to be able to hear it and be able to talk about this. We need to be able to be mature about this subject. But the problem with lust is that it goes after the body. What he is calling us to is love, which goes after the person. And that's actually the problem with pornography, by the way. The problem with pornography is not that it shows too much, it's that it doesn't show enough. That's the issue with pornography is because what it does is it reduces the person to just a body. It reduces the person to your ends of pleasure. It doesn't view that person as a a valued person made in the image of God who should get have worth and value and dignity and respect and love and commitment. That's the issue. And so what he's calling them to is not lust, but he's calling them to selfless sacrificial love and where you mutually give yourself to one another. And so what we see then is this sexual intimacy. It it is meant to be specifically in the covenant of marriage. It produces satisfaction. It strengthens the union that God has designed.

And what Paul also shows in verse 5 is that this sexual intimacy sustains our sexual purity. It protects us. Actually, that's why I said sexual intimacy is a is a safeguard against immorality. Because once again, we already saw some people who were just going to the temple prostitutes. That's not the safeguard. That's not what God has intended. But then you also now have the other people who were in marriage and they were hoping to have their spouse, but now they're being denied their rights in marriage. And now some of these people are then being tempted to go and seek after things that they shouldn't be seeking. And so what he's doing here is he's saying that this uh that sexual purity is sustained by intentional intimacy. In verse 5, do not deprive one another except with consent for a time that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. See, what he's showing us here is that sex is good, that it's meant to help and encourage this relationship, and it protects us from the enemy. And so you are not to deprive your spouse. And I understand that there might be exceptions to this. Of course, there might be health related issues, right? If if you're not able to to to meet for a time. And it says that there are even spiritual reasons. Maybe you and your spouse agree to not have these relations for a period of time for for for prayer or for service or for missions or or maybe someone's in the military. Someone's on a mission trip and you can't come together in those ways. There are obviously these categories that he understands. But he says generally speaking, husband and wife are meant to come together and are to unite and it's for the benefit of one another. But what we also I think see here is that this deprivation and I think some of us know what this is like and we know relationships that are like this where sex can be used not as a gift but as a weapon. Sometimes sex is used to control or to manipulate. Have you ever heard of that where a spouse might be denying their partner and they're only going to give that unless they get something from it that they try to manipulate or or try to withhold it not for any godly reasons but because they want to manipulate and control the relationship. I think that's what he's warning against here because not only is it is it wrong to do that to your spouse but also it opens the door for immorality. And so these guard rails or these guidelines that he's giving us discussing about consent being important being frequency being important as he's discussing these things. It's not for him to be prudish or for him to be um rigid with rules. But the reason he gives us these guard rails, these guidelines talking about sexual intimacy being a safeguard against immorality, it's for our joy. God gives us a design. God gives us sex. God gives us marriage for our joy. And so that we would preserve the gift, that we wouldn't forsake the gift, that we wouldn't abuse the gift. God has given us these guidelines for our good. And so he starts out very clear then with us understanding the context for sexual intimacy, that we must be intentional with our partners if we are married, and that we must utilize these these principles to help protect our marriages.

So we see that sexual intimacy is meant to be a safeguard against immorality. That we shouldn't go to one side where we where we completely just embrace immorality. We shouldn't embrace aestheticism and deny our partners. But then in in verses 6 to9 we also see that singleness and marriage are meant to be viewed as gifts from God. It says, ' But I say this as a concession, not as a commandment. For I wish that all men were even as I myself. But each one has his own gift from God, one in this manner and another in that. But I say to the unmarried and to the widows, it is good for them if they remain even as I am. But if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.'

See, what we see here is that Paul is describing two different callings, two different gifts that people will have within the church. And he says that both singles and marrieds are given these gifts. These are gifts from God. And I think it's so important that we hear this, especially for that first category, because in our culture today, we sometimes view singles as secondass saints. And that's not what Paul teaches here. Singles are not secondass saints. I know that I've heard this before from Christians that they see someone and they notice that they haven't been dating or maybe they aren't married and and maybe they're older than the typical marrying age and they're saying, "Well, why aren't they married?" Well, what's wrong? And they act as if there's something wrong with the individual if they are not married or pursuing marriage. Now, it's one thing to notice that what's normative within the the majority of people, but to to assume that then there must be something wrong with them, that there's something detrimental in the character in the person, that is a problem. And I would actually say that is sinful. If you are assuming something is wrong with a believer, if they are pursuing singleness, then you are being unbiblical and you are not being like Paul. because Paul even says in the text that he wishes that everyone could be like him. Now Paul at this point is single. Now there is a little bit of of debate on whether Paul may have maybe been married at one point because he was a Pharisee and it was very common, not a law, but it was very common that a Pharisee would be expected to be married already. Um, but if he was, it's very possible that either he lost his wife, maybe she passed away at this point and he remains single for the rest of his life. It could be that once he converted, being a a prominent Pharisee and then becomes a Christ follower, that maybe his wife was not having it and she abandoned him, which would make sense in the context of what he starts to unpack in this specific section. Um, or it's possible that because it was not an actual law that maybe he was a rare case in which he was never married. But either way, we see that Paul says, "I'm single." And I wish that more people could be single. And in fact, we see that there are other very important examples in the Bible that show people that are single, that are honoring the Lord, and that are fully content in the Lord. Think about John the Baptist. Now, it doesn't explicitly say he was not married, but we don't see anything about his genealogy coming after him. We don't see him having a wife with him. It says that he's a basically in the wilderness. Um, not really the the the best, you know, situation for wife and kids and clearly doesn't mention them. So, for all intents and purposes, we we have good reason, I think, to to to to believe that John was unmarried. Or even if Paul or John the Baptist weren't good enough examples, our Lord and Savior was single. So, if you think there's something wrong with singleness, you have something wrong with our Lord. He did not pursue these physical uh marital relationships when he was on the earth physically. And so what we see here is that that singleness is actually not meant to be a punishment. It's not to be u viewed and looked down upon, but it is meant to be viewed as a gift and a a calling.

In Matthew 19, Jesus even talks about this in verses 10 to 12. says, "His disciples said to him, if such is the case of the man with his wife, it is better not to marry." But he said to them, "All cannot accept this, saying, but only those to whom it has been given. For there are Unix who were born thus from their mother's womb. And there are Unix who were made Unix by men. And there are Unix who have made themselves Unix for the kingdom of heaven's sake. He who is able to accept it, let him accept it." So what Jesus says here is that as they're you know dealing the disciples are dealing with the ramifications of what it means to be in marriage and what are those obligations in marriage and they're thinking well maybe it's better to be single and then he explains that it's not called for everyone. Not everyone has been given this gift and there are different people who have been given this gift of singleness. Some people are born that way that they don't have that desire or maybe they don't have the the capability to pursue that type of relationship. It could be that some of these servants would have been um you know to be blunt castrated because of their they were maybe attending um some of the women in in a certain kingdom or palace. So they would have been forced that way or some have just chosen to live a single celibate life like John the Baptist or like Jesus just for the kingdom of heaven to serve God fully. And actually later in this chapter Paul starts to explain that's why singleness is so good. you're able to have undivided attention for the Lord because if you're married, you have to think about the needs of your spouse. You have to think about children potentially and and make sure that they're happy, that they're taken care of. But if you're single, you can just go wherever the Lord calls and you can stay up late or go out any time in the morning and go, you can be gone for days. I mean, there there's a lot more freedom when you are single. And in fact, I think of this and I of course I love my wife and my kids, but there was an example this week where I was doing ministry and I was evangelizing and there were these three people that were asking really, really great questions and they were wanting me to share the gospel, explain the incarnation to them. We were talking about some really deep theological things. And then I started getting a lot of phone calls from my wife because she needs me to come and and we got to trade cars and some someone has to get the kids uh and the other one has to take the car to Toyota to get get it work the car worked on. And so I have these other obligations and I'm like really trying to struggle and balance. I'm saying, "How long can I stay here and continue to do ministry and evangelize these people before I just have to say, "Sorry, I have to go now. I have to go meet with my wife and I have to go get the car and and etc." And and what we see here is that that's just the reality of someone who's married. Now, if you were single, you could just stay there until the, you know, the doors closed. You could just stay with them, talk with them outside, offline. And that's that freedom that you have when you are single. And so if you are someone who is single right now, don't view yourself as lesser. Don't think that God has abandoned you, that God's not pleased with you. Recognize that you have been given a gift. Now, by the way, if you were someone that aspires for marriage, that's still great. What that would mean then is that you've been given the gift of singleness for a season and you are to enjoy and to embrace that gift until God has given you the other gift. But for that time you are to remain single to embrace it and to live out to the glory of God and see what is he teaching you during this season. Likewise it mentions widows or widowers in the text. If you're someone like that who has lost a spouse or maybe there has been divorce that has happened and and maybe you you weren't hoping for that to be the case, I think it's also meant to encourage you not that that the death of your spouse was a gift, not that the divorce was a gift, but you being single in this season is still a gift and God is utilizing it for your good and for his glory. And so we need to recognize that once again singles and singleness this is a gift and a calling and not all are able to accept it but for those who it has been given it is a good thing.

Likewise marriage we see in the text that he explains that marriage though is not mandatory and he would even encourage some to maybe not pursue marriage. It is also a good gift from God. And in fact, we know that scripture regularly affirms the honor and the sanctity of marriage. In fact, that's the first institution that God establishes before government, before the church. He establishes the home where he has man and woman coming together and he says, "Be fruitful and multiply." But in Hebrews 13:4, it says, "Marriage is honorable among all and the bed undefiled, but fornicators and adulterers God will judge." So here in Hebrews it says that marriage is meant to be honorable among all. That we should hold it to a high esteem. That we should give it respect and value it and we shouldn't embrace what we see sometimes in our culture with like no fault divorce where we don't really value what marriage is meant to be. And so what are the gifts? What are the blessings that come with the calling of marriage? Well, marriage is for procreation. You get to bring the next generation into the world. You get to create new image bearers. So it's creative. It's beautiful. It's lifegiving. We see marriage is for partnership. One of the reasons that God gave Adam Eve was that it was not good that man was alone. So we see companionship. We see partnership. And that's one of the blessings that you have that you have a life partner. You get to go through the highs and the lows, you know, the victories and and the failures together and grow together. So it it produces not only procreation but partnership. It brings pleasure as we just talked about in the previous point. The sexual intimacy is meant to be given as as a joy for you. It's it's to bring pleasure to your life. And then also as we talked about impurity, it's meant to protect you and to bring purity. And so marriage is a gift because of procreation, partnership, pleasure, and purity. All of these things are for our good if you are given that calling and that that gift. And what Paul even says at the final in verse 9 in this section is it's better to marry than to burn with passion. And so what he's saying is once again, that's kind of going back to that purity piece, that protective piece. is he says now if you're someone that really has that sexual desire what he says is it's better to get married that's a good sign that you probably are called that you've been given this gift for marriage is if you have this desire that is overwhelming you and it's better rather than to give into immorality to give into sin to give into your desires he says do it within the design and the plan and purposes of God so what he says here is that both of these things singleness and marriage these are gifts gifts. These are our calling. But one final thing on this point this is your calling in which you are called to be faithful. It is not the source of your fulfillment. Do you understand that your singleness that gift or your marriage that gift it is good? It is great. It is for you in your enjoyment for your benefit your edification. But these are gifts. They are not the giver. You are not going to be completely fulfilled and satisfied in singleness or in marriage. You are to find your satisfaction and your fulfillment in Jesus Christ. And if you get any of these things out of order, then you're not going to find fulfillment. You have to seek first Christ, that relationship, because ultimately we know that these relationship that we're talking about on the earth, they are shadows and types pointing to a greater relationship. And so we don't ever allow the gift to overlook the giver. We are to seek and find fulfillment in God. And when we do that, our other relationships will be so much better. Because here's the thing. If you look to your spouse and if you think to them, "Why aren't you meeting all of my needs?" What you do is you start to put them as God. But your spouse can't meet all your needs. Your spouse is not God. They're going to fail because when you marry another sinner, you know what's going to happen? You're going to notice that there's a lot of sin in the home. Not only do you have to deal with your sin, but you have to deal with other people's sin. now. And that's another part of and struggle and difficulty that can come with the gift of of marriage. And so when we understand that all relationships, whether you're single and you're pursuing friendships and and and church relationships or whether you're married and you have a spouse or you have your children, never let them become an idol. They are not the ones who give you ultimate joy and satisfaction. These are gifts meant to point you to the giver.

So we see sexual intimacy is meant to be a safeguard against immorality. We see singleness and marriage are gifts from God. And then the final thing in verses 10 to 16 is we see that marriage is meant to be permanent. Marriage is meant to be permanent. Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord. A wife is not to depart from her husband. But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife. But to the rest I, not the Lord, say, if any brother has a wife who does not believe, and she is willing to live with him, let him not divorce her. And a woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is willing to live with her, let him not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband. Otherwise, your children would be unclean, but now they are holy. But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace. For how do you know, oh wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, oh husband, whether you will save your wife?

So Paul starts to now explain the sacredness that comes with the marital vows and how with marriage there is this expectation that it is meant to be liong. Marriage is a sacred covenant that is meant to be for life. It is not meant to be a contract that is broken when one member does not hold up to their end of the deal. Once again, we live in a culture where there is rampant no fault divorce. We fell out of love. Well, we just weren't getting along anymore. We thought that we would be better for the kids if we weren't arguing in the home all the time, which that part is actually true. Just that doesn't mean divorce. It just means stop arguing in the home all the time. But what we see is that there's so many cases in which we see unjustified, unbiblical divorce. And Paul is very clear here. And he's actually, if you notice, he he breaks it into two sections in this final section. He says the command that he's been given from the Lord and then a principle that he believes as an apostle, he has authority to speak into the community. And so he kind of gives two different principles or or or thoughts about about marriage and about divorce here. But I think he shows us the heart of God when when he talks about not desiring that a that a wife would leave her husband or a husband would depart from their wife. Because in Malachi chapter 2 verse 16 it says for the Lord God of Israel says that he hates divorce for it covers one's garment with violence says the Lord of hosts. Therefore take heed to your spirit that you do not deal treacherously. And then likewise, Jesus says in Matthew 19:6, "So then, they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, let not man separate." So we see Jesus quotes Genesis to make his point again about the permanence, the lifelong lasting standing for marriage. And so what we see here then is that this is a very strong command for those who are married. And that's why when the disciples are like well maybe it's better that we stay single because of this hard you know rule for what marriage is whenever you are committing to another person you are now becoming one flesh with another person.

And so as we hear this we might be wrestling with it a little bit because I know that all of us here have probably been impacted by divorce. Maybe your parents have been divorced. Maybe you have been divorced. Maybe your children have been divorced. Maybe you know people are are are considering divorce or maybe there's been separation. And as I share these words with you, they are not to make be condemning. I'm not here to condemn anyone. I'm not judging anyone. Rather, I'm hoping to give you God's word that is lifegiving. And ultimately, it's meant to give you freedom and peace. These are principles to help us understand God's design, his intentions for us so that we can live a an abundant life. So, as we hear this strong word about how husbands and wives are not to depart or not to divorce one another, that marriage is a sacred covenant, that is not to say that there are not still allowable exceptions in certain cases. And this is one thing I do want to share because in Matthew 5:32, there's something that Jesus says in the sermon on the mount, which is known as the the exception clause. And he says, "But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery. And whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery." So what Jesus mentions here is once again he he gives that strong wording about not divorcing your spouse, which I think that's probably what Paul has in mind when he's quoting it here. But but Jesus does say except in cases of sexual immorality. That would be adultery, unfaithfulness. And I think what Jesus is doing then is he's showing us that there are actually some exceptions to the rule. Once again, exceptions, not the rule. It's important that we understand the different categories here. These are not just go and get divorced now because there are some loopholes here, but we do see that there are some biblical justifications for divorce. And I would actually offer that there are probably three off the top of my head that I can think of. And I call those the three A's. I would say adultery, which is what Jesus literally just said in Matthew 5. I would say abandonment, which that's actually what Paul explains in this next section that we just read is what happens. He says if there is an unbelieving spouse in your home, and this is most likely there are two unbelievers. One of them converts to Christ and now they're married to an unbeliever. This is not encouraging you to marry an unbeliever. I think I think most likely the context is saying these are pagans who, you know, one of them gets saved. what do we do now? And what he's saying here is that if you have a believer and an unbeliever that are married together, don't divorce them. If they're willing to stay with you, stay committed to your vows. Stay committed to your spouse. This is still a a biblically justified marriage. This is still a one flesh union that God honors and desires for you to stay in that relationship. But then he does go on to say, "However, if you have an unbelieving spouse who departs, meaning abandons the believer, then that person is not bound or enslaved anymore to that marriage." And so what I think he's showing us that there is a principle here that if someone if an unbelieving spouse were to abandon their responsibilities, abandon their relationship in their home, maybe even their kids, then that believer is not called to be yolked to that relationship anymore. And I think this now this is me using some biblical um you know, I'm trying to do systematics here and I'm trying to harmonize different scriptures. But but here is one thing that I would argue and I think why it might still apply for believers with a believer. Now once again I have to say with in in fear and trembling the Bible does not say this. So this is this is me trying to make a case and once you wrestle with it, you use the spirit to discern God's word on this. But we do know that in Matthew 18 when Jesus gives these descriptions and principles for uh church discipline, he talks about believers. What happens if the believer consists or persists in sin and eventually they just continue to refuse the council of the church? Refuse, refuse, refuse. What do you do at the very end? You cast them out and treat them as if they are an unbeliever. So they might still profess Christ, but if they are living in persistent sin, the church is meant to view that individual as an unbeliever. So now in the context of what we're discussing, what if you have a spouse who claims to be a believer, but they continue to abandon their family and the church has got involved. Everyone the spouse has been trying to reconcile, save the marriage, and they just continue to leave. I think the I think I would argue that the Christian has has um all justification to say we're going to treat you as an unbeliever who has now abandoned the the home. And I would say then that person is not bound to that marriage. I would say that I think that they would have freedom that they are called to peace as Paul says here and that's the the ultimate goal and the principle I think is that that's God's desire for marriage is peace now you can abuse that statement so once again you have to be very careful but that's the desire God has for a marriage is to find peace in the home so I think that we could argue uh adultery as an exceptional u an exception we could use abandonment and the final one that I would argue is abuse once Again, fear and trembling. The Bible doesn't specifically say in the case of abuse, if your life is in jeopardy, you are able to divorce. It doesn't say that in the text. But what I would argue is I think we can be almost like the the Pharisees and be legalistic here and be like, well, the word of the law or the letter of the law says this. And then Jesus is like, well, what was the spirit of the law with the Sabbath? Remember when they're like, you can't work. You can't pick up this. And then Jesus is like,"Well, what if your neighbor has an animal that falls in a pit? Is it better to do good on the Sabbath or to do evil on the Sabbath? Is it better to save life or not?" And the the point is obviously the Sabbath was made to for man, not man for the Sabbath. Likewise, I think marriage is made for man, not man for marriage. And so if it's literally to save life, to protect the innocent, if literally you or your kids might be murdered or abused or in a very dangerous situation, I would at least encourage separation. But I think it's very possible if you have persistent sin and it also could fall into that Matthew 18 category where if you were abusing them, I don't know, that's basically abandonment if not if you know if it's the closest thing I could think of, if not even worse than abandonment. And so that would be at least my case. Wrestle with that. This is not law. Pastors aren't Bibles. But I do want to share some of those thoughts because I know some of us are probably wrestling with that. And if you have someone that you know that is being in one of these difficult situations, encourage them to separate if not divorce. Get them safe first and we can deal with some of the counseling and some of the theology later. But we want to encourage safety and God calls us to peace.

So I say this all to say these are exceptions, not mandates. And that's I think what Paul is getting at here once again as we think about the permanence of marriage is that though these are exceptions, that doesn't mean go for it now, get divorced, God still desires us to reconcile. That's his ultimate goal. That's his ultimate purpose for us is that even if there's great sin in our marriages, that God can still heal and bring redemption in them. And he even uses that as an example for the mixed marriages here because he says that's why the believer doesn't leave the unbeliever because that believer still makes that home holy and that the unbelieving spouse could potentially be one over for Christ and that those children are holy because now they have the influence of the gospel of a believing um parent in the home. And so what we see here is that God is giving us these parameters so that we would have joy, that we would have freedom, and that we would have peace. Now, if that person has failed, if someone has maybe divorced unbiblically or unjust unjustly, confess it to the Lord, submit it to him, and then understand that this marriage that he is describing of a believer and an unbeliever is meant to also remind us of our situation here. Because that though we all fail whether that's a divorce or immorality or any sin that we struggle with we are reminding ourselves of the gospel. And I think that's why marriage is so important is because the final thing is marriage reflects Christ's love. The reason a believer doesn't abandon the unbeliever, the reason that we should do everything in our power to save a marriage is because we know what Christ's love is like for us. We know what the marriage is with God. the marriage supper of the lamb. Christ's love for an unfaithful bride because we are all unfaithful at times. We are all adulterous wives at times, but Christ pursues us anyway. We even looked at this last time about how we looked at um Hosea, how he redeemed his adulterous wife. Christ's love is service, selfless, and sacrificial. That is Christ love and that's what marriage is meant to be like. That is our ultimate call in marriage is that we are to serve, be selfless, and be sacrificial. Because here's the thing, Christ is never selfish with his bride. Christ is never selfish with us. In fact, we know he is always selfless with us. And so we are to pursue our spouses, pursue our relationships with happiness and holiness. That's what your desire is for your spouse today. That is what your desire is for your relationships today. You are to pursue their happiness. Pursue their holiness. And you then reflect the love of Christ. And so I'll close with this as we partake of communion. In Ephesians 5:es 25 and 32-33, husbands love your wives just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for her. This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless, let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. See what we see here is that a good biblical selfless sacrificial serving marriage, it points us to the gospel. It shows us what Christ is like for us. Though we fail, though we fall short, though we, you know, we have divorce, we have baggage, we have other things that we struggle with, Christ loves us, he gave himself for us. And that's what we remember when we partake of communion.