Transcription
Pivot: From Butcher to Toy Mogul
Meet Ronis Schwarz, a natural businessman who shares his entrepreneurial journey and money lessons with us. This is a phenomenal conversation. If you're listening on an audio platform and don't understand the Hebrew or Yiddish, please switch to our YouTube video. Our team has added English subtitles. Enjoy this week's episode!
Being a Jew? Awesome. Managing personal finances? Not so awesome. Welcome to Kosher Money!
Returning champion Ronis Schwarz, nice to be back!
My brother said you shared things I don't get to hear. I listen to some episodes, but I don't want to spoil it. It really resonated – tens of thousands of views, and I’m sure you got quite a few phone calls.
I got a lot of phone calls and a lot of feedback – in the literature community, even the Modern Orthodox community. A lot of calls from Five Towns, yeah, about the subject of… tremendous feedback.
So this episode, we’ll talk about business and money. What was your upbringing like regarding money and finance?
I grew up in… as I said to your brother last episode, I grew up in. We lived in. My father still lives there today. My father had a tiny electric store – light bulbs, pH wires, Shabbat platters, just making ends meet, as they say. So we weren’t poor, but obviously not rich. We had food, as they say. You were happy?
Happy, of course.
Do you remember making your first dollar? Remember your first job? What was that like?
My first dollar was when I came to America. I came off the flight… I think I told you this last episode. As soon as I stepped out of the airplane, I found $20! America was 35 years ago when I came to America the first time. I started working right away in America. After I got married, I worked in a butcher shop, chopping meat and cutting chicken for the first few months. Then, a few months later, I decided I wanted to grow, and I became… I started making jokes at the end of weddings, making jokes at the end of a wedding, or rhyming.
Was it good? Were you successful?
I was very successful. It made some money. It’s not how you become rich, but yes, it paid the bills.
You were doing that and you were a butcher at the same time?
No. As soon as I dropped that, I left everything because it finishes very late. In those days, we finished most weddings at 3:00, 3:30, or 4:00 AM. So I wasn’t juggling a day job, but it definitely paid way more.
So what did you learn in the butcher shop? People now talk about groceries, how much money things cost.
The butcher shop where I worked was a kosher butcher shop. It wasn’t like today’s butcher shops. In those days, probably even here, most supermarkets didn’t even have meat and chicken. Most communities had fish stores, meat stores, fruit stores, and then a supermarket. In those days, only butcher stores had chicken. Basically, what you see in the supermarket today is what we did in the butcher shop.
I went to Baltimore recently, and they have a dedicated butcher shop where they cut the meat in front of you. It brings you back to the… to the Old Country, maybe the Lower East Side.
Correct. They still have it in Williamsburg and Borough Park. Yes, but even in Williamsburg and Borough Park today, where they have these butcher shops… for example, in Monroe, New York, no supermarket can even sell meat.
Why not?
Because it’s basically… it’s giving a stricter… when you have just a dedicated butcher shop. Also New Square, also in certain other communities where they have… the supermarket does not have a meat… but even the meat stores you have today in those communities are far from what we had. It wasn’t clean and nice as today. Today it’s a modern world, and it’s way nicer and fancier.
Okay, so now you’re… you’re doing the rhymes, as is custom at the end of Jewish weddings; you’re making some money. Where did your career go from there?
About a couple of years later, I wanted to grow, so I started going into the toy business. My toy business today became a very big business. First of all, I have my own five retail locations. I sell my toys also in every local Judaica shop, toy shop, supermarkets. Bingo, for example, has a big toy department. Bingo is coming right now to Five Towns, so I’m setting up the toy department for them. So basically, my toys became a big business today.
Why did you… when you were a butcher, it sounds like you enjoyed it somewhat, but you left and became a… you were singing, rhyming at weddings, and you said, “You know what? I want to be bigger, and I’ll go to the toy store.” Where did that come from? That drive, that interest? Because some people are butchers their entire lives. Some people perform at weddings their entire lives, and they make a good living, or maybe not.
The problem is that I realized, after ten years of being a *badchen*, yes, I was very popular, but younger generations are always coming in. When I was very popular, no one came up. I was, for a long period of time, probably the number one *badchen*. I realized that after ten years, I’m number three and number four, and I realized that in no time I’m going to become number fifteen, sixteen, or twenty. Let me try to do something else instead of complaining about it; just do something, and I did. I was looking at certain things. Obviously, I’m always looking at real estate. I did some real estate; it didn’t give me satisfaction. I realized one thing: whatever I touched in the entertainment business worked for me – if it’s *badchen*, if it’s toys… for a long time I did magic shows and ventriloquism and all this other stuff, and I was very successful. So anything that had to do with talking, singing, entertainment, I was successful. So I decided…
Why did you pick toys? What was that first day like? Where did…
Actually, my wife is the one who picked it. My wife is the one who… what’d she say? She thought it’s a good business.
You called someone up in the toy industry?
We had… there was a store in Borough Park called “Whispers and Whims.” I don’t know if you remember that.
Remember the name? Yeah, I forgot even the name of the owner. They’re both not alive anymore. They sold the store. They had a little store on 18th Avenue, and I bought it. I bought it, changed the name. Now it’s “Toys to Discover.”
And you have retail locations now?
I have five retail locations right now: Williamsburg, Borough Park, Flatbush, Lakewood – I have two – and actually we just signed the lease in Monroe, and hope to go into other locations as well.
How many employees across…
Oh, I don’t even know.
I guess you’re not the one doing payroll?
I’m not doing payroll, no, but it’s definitely about fifty plus.
So what did you learn along the way? Tell us something about the… the business. People are listening; they want to maybe get into business, right?
The Torah tells us very simply, and there’s not a single profession that you’re going to take that there aren’t rich people there and there aren’t poor people there. I travel a lot – to China, Hong Kong. It’s mind-boggling to see, when you go to China to the big shows, and you see buildings and buildings from selling zippers, selling shoelaces, selling paper clips. And I’m thinking to myself, “This is a business?” Yes, that’s what they do. They do all kinds of sizes of paper clips; they do all kinds of colors of paper clips, but paper clips are their business. They’re very big companies. And I visited factories myself – humongous factories, tremendous factories, huge, with thousands of employees. That’s what they do – paper clips, or toothpicks, or zippers. I remember I was once in a factory that does this part from a keychain – just this part, the circle part – unbelievable, huge factory.
Right. So there’s everything there is. You could have success in everything. The idea is very simple, and I always tell people: those who don’t try work for those who do. And it’s not my quote; it’s a very famous quote. You’ve got to take gambles in life and hopefully do the right thing. Be smart; don’t be stupid. Don’t… don’t… don’t jump in; grow slowly. I grew very slowly. I didn’t grow in one day to five stores. I didn’t grow to retail and wholesale in one day. It took me time. I borrowed money, paid back, built credit, which is very important in America and in every state, in every country – to have a good credit line. Once I built credit, it was easier to get a credit line. Once you have a credit line, you could order more, buy more. And yeah, people think that when they see someone who so-called made it big, that it happened overnight.
You’re saying that the people that have sustained success long-term, they could have grown in baby steps, right?
There are some people who grew fast, overnight, as they say – very, very few. I’m not going to say that there aren’t; they definitely exist – but baby steps are the safe way to do it. You have to understand that… I always say to people when I speak: there are so many people who are rich, with a lot, a lot of money… and the statement that I say about them is that, unfortunately, these people are so poor that the only thing that they have in life is money. Besides money, they have nothing. They’re big in money, but if you’re happy and you grow slowly, in every step on the way you say, “Thank God, thank you, Hashem, I made it another step. I made it another step. Wow, let me try another step now.” It’s safe. They have much more happiness in life than the people who are just jumping in, growing up… they teach you: you could be a doctor, you could be a lawyer, you can be an accountant… but we only realize as adults that you can have a very profitable business making keychains, or just parts of a keychain. And you see that on Amazon, right?
Do you know people in the Amazon space?
First of all, I used to be very big on Amazon myself. I sold a lot of money on Amazon – ten years ago, more. I probably sold $20 million on Amazon a year.
I have a friend that… is selling way over $100 million every year. And I have a lot of friends on Amazon – guys… a lot of… Amazon is very big, with very, very big… There was once, a couple of years ago, that Amazon made… a weekend… a weekend getaway for the top 200 sellers… and had to cancel it because it came out on Shabbat. In the programs that they made, with speeches and this… they realized that over 90% of the top 200 sellers were from Borough Park, Williamsburg, New Square, Monroe. Today, Amazon is different. I sold my Amazon account a few years ago. Amazon became very, very difficult; very, very difficult to make business on Amazon. It’s very competitive, but those who could survive are doing very well.
So the question is: if you could survive or you can’t survive… in the Jewish community, what industries are people going into now and finding success?
You name it; they try it – except obviously what you mentioned before: doctors, lawyers… where you need long schooling.
Right, schooling. But everything else… To give you a specific, amazing statistic, and without mentioning names, there’s a very famous person who is… and he goes around talking about that the education system is not right, and because the education system is not right in our community, that’s why everybody doesn’t have the opportunity to grow in life. And I remember there was once a conversation with him somewhere – and again, I don’t want to mention where – but there was a live conversation, and one of his friends from Yeshiva called him up and he said, “Listen, we’re all in the age now, about 28 to 32. I learned together with you in Yeshiva. You are claiming that you cannot make a living because you did not have the education. So you remember how many kids were in the class?” And I said, “Yes, 28.” You remember this and this boy – let’s say Moishe Klein – he said, “Yes. You know what Moishe Klein does today? He’s doing credit card processing; he makes over $800,000 a year.” You remember this and this guy… and he went over with him every single kid in this class, and everyone made a nice few hundred thousand a year. And you’re sitting and complaining. So the idea is: go out there. Hashem is big; the opportunity is big. It’s all in the mindset. I could do it. Believe in yourself; believe in Hashem. It’s a tremendous… says in his… the same way it’s… to have a… the same is a mitzvah to believe in yourself. Believe in yourself; believe that you have powers. And if a person believes in himself and he has the confidence in himself, he will go out there; he will make it. He will fall; he will pick himself up. Fall seven times; pick yourself up. And so many people… so many people that I know that fell and fell and fell… they picked themselves up. Yes, a lot of people… I’m not going to say that everyone is a success, but have the right attitude, and you do it with the right steps. You go baby steps; you do safe steps, slowly but surely. Most people will have the opportunity to make more than just a simple…
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…People rip on the American millennials who are always playing the victim card – that the previous generation needed less money to buy a house, and they just go through life as the victim. And then those who break out of it are the ones who are successful, which is what you’re speaking about. It’s a very long conversation for itself, but playing the victim card is never a good idea – regardless if it’s with money, regardless if it’s shidduchim, regardless if it’s education with the kids, regardless of how successful you are in your life in general. The victim card never works. Look at Klal Yisrael. We came out after a Holocaust. We could have played the victim card for hundreds and hundreds of years, and most of the *chein* that came out to America, or to Israel, or to Europe, put aside the victim card, and they decided, instead of sitting and blaming everyone, they started from fresh. And look what we became after less than 100 years. We all remember… at least my age and even younger people who went through the Holocaust, people who lived, had everything in life, had success in life, had businesses, houses, and lost everything in their life, and they started from fresh. And that is the success of Klal Yisrael. Those who chased us for thousands and thousands of years are vanished and gone, and we are here. Why? Because we did not play the victim card. This message: don’t play the victim card. It works. Those people who play the victim card should know: blaming never works. I said it to my previous… um… episode with Yaakov that when I came to America, I was often… since the age of ten, I didn’t have parents here; I didn’t have in-laws here; I didn’t have anybody here. I couldn’t even speak English; I couldn’t speak a single word – nothing. And my first month, I paid the rent; my first month, I paid my groceries. You know why? Because I didn’t have anybody to… to pay it, and I had no choice. I went out and I fought it, and I learned the language as best as I can, and I never complained. Never complained. If you’re looking to complain and play the victim card, you will get nowhere in life. I’m busy right now with many cases with people that are separated for years and they do not want to give… gets to the wives, right? So one of the people that I’m talking with, he claims all kinds of claims, and I keep on telling him, “You know, you’re right, but after you’re 120, they’re going to write here: ‘Here is buried somebody who was right.’ But that’s it. You had a miserable life, blaming everybody. You’re right, but where does it take you to be right? Be smart; don’t be right. Get rid of it; finish.” And unfortunately, people who blame, the victim card… end up very bad.
You mentioned how you’re involved in so many different industries. There’s this mentality of rolling up the sleeves, right? Taking the *beit midrash* off, putting it on, rolling up the sleeves and being busy, right? If I have to go to China to open up a factory, I’m going to do it. Where’s this mentality come from within… in the Jewish circles? Because financial literacy is… is not something that’s… you know, taught correctly. And we can… we can go into that, but yet that doesn’t always… and this is, I guess, a message for the American government, you know, because they go after the schools and they say you have to know the biology and the curriculum, and maybe some of it’s important, but where does this mentality come from – that whatever needs to get done, we’re going to do it? We’re going to try much more than… than what you would see in the average American?
I really believe that this comes from the attitude that we put into the children – that we put into every single child: you can do it. I have a daughter who’s fifteen and a half, right? She comes from school, and she has the pressure: “Am I going to fail this test?” And I keep on telling her, “You have to try to do your best, and if you’re going to try to do your best, believe that you could do your best; you will do your best.” I have a friend – and it just came to my head that I reminded myself – he worked in a pizza shop as a… and there’s a sushi guy there, and every day people came in, took platters… and he decided he’s going into the sushi business. Guy, you can’t believe… it’s unbelievable. He goes with black socks in the middle of the week, all the way with a *gemach* in the street. You know, he wouldn’t take out the garbage from his house without a *gemach*. He goes into the sushi business. So first of all, kosher sushi… and he advertised himself… after six, seven months, I asked him, “How’s it going?” He said, “Forget about it. I dropped the ‘kosher’ business.” What do you mean? Everything I sell is kosher. He tells me, “But I decided… only he needs sushi. Sushi is not a Jewish… Jewish food; that only became lately Jewish food. I’m going to go reach out to every… to other communities – to goyish communities.” He went out to all kinds of law offices and all kinds of doctor offices; he went out to corporate offices. Basically, I cannot even tell you… this guy is… can be very, very, very successful today. He has a huge, huge kitchen today, and thousands of platters of sushi go out a day… a day… not from Eden. He makes money; makes a lot of money. And he just took the courage… Okay, sushi doesn’t belong to us, and I’m going to go out… Where is it coming from? Believing in yourself; self-confidence. Love it.
So let’s talk about financial literacy. Someone who goes out and starts building a business; they have the drive, but maybe not the education. Does that hurt people sometimes within the Jewish community – not knowing how, potentially, a credit card works, or credit scores? Lending their credit score to somebody else without realizing what they’re doing, in the sense that they open a credit card in someone else’s name. You know, people can run into issues. Is that happening, and what’s being done to potentially address that?
The answer is yes; it’s definitely happening. And if you’re going to sit just blind and say that people didn’t have the education in business because they didn’t take the courses the same way as others… you know, the only answer to that is to prevent it and to make it work – delegate. Take a person like me. I delegate. What do you mean, delegate? Every business has to have trust in managers and workers and professionals. The same way as you don’t file your own tax return – you give it to an accountant. Everyone legally in America can go online and file their own taxes, but you still go out and you pay an accountant. You know why? Because you trust that he’s a professional. Same way as I’m not going to make my own glasses, and I’m not going to sew my own suit. Same thing is in business: you need to delegate. You need to give to professionals; you cannot do everything yourself. So the same way is… I have the confidence to do what I believe that I do know. You have to know what you don’t know and what you do know, and what you don’t know, you delegate. That’s the answer.
Is networking happening a lot, where if you don’t have somebody, you have a pool of friends that you go to and say, “Hey, I need help with this,” and they say, “Oh, I know somebody that you can speak to”? Is that happening a lot within the circles – where referrals…
Absolutely. So first of all, there’s a lot of organizations today. There are a lot of organizations who basically help people starting businesses – not only in the community; in every community. There’s an organization called… it’s called… which is an organization… if you plan to open a business, you come and you present it to them, and they give you interest-free loans. Depends on who you are; they give you collateral, obviously. Trusted people; they ask for a resume of you, your family, your rabbi, your parents. And I took from them money… and yeah, paid them back obviously, and they helped me.
So what about WhatsApp? Big in the Jewish community? Where people are… WhatsApp… you’re talking about WhatsApp is a Jewish app, you know, right? I talk to my goyish friends; they have no clue what WhatsApp is.
Yeah, right. I have a very popular WhatsApp status, and I have about six to seven thousand followers every day.
Wow. And… it brings a lot of business as well?
Yes, definitely. And it, by the way, does tremendous chesed. It’s mind-boggling what WhatsApp is doing. I mean, somebody’s losing something… I had a girl call me up last year… a total situation. She was a kallah, and she told me… it was two hours before the *chasunah*, when people don’t have too much time to look at the status, and she told me, basically, she is Upstate and she is nowhere to be found, and I posted it in my status two hours before the chasunah. It’s mind-boggling how many people responded – from Monsey, from New Square… Not I come to… how they come to me… instrumental family.
Wow. She… she was…
Yeah, yeah. It makes the world smaller. Everyone’s connected.
Absolutely. And when you throw in the Jewish thoughts of being kind and helping another, it just makes it so much easier, right?
It’s unbelievable. I don’t know if you… I’m going to send it to you. I did a clip a couple of years ago, the day of Yom Ha’atzmaut, how I’m standing in a grocery in Deal, and it basically created a movement – that people should go into the groceries, instead of going to… the thing was to give food for people. Every day, going to the grocery and putting money on people who don’t have. And it created a huge movement of people going into groceries and just basically paying the bills. It’s unbelievable how much money came into grocery stores, paying people balances or putting money towards credit in that particular week. I’m talking about in the hundreds… in the hundreds of thousands of dollars. I put it on WhatsApp, and I got a phone call from somebody in Mexico. It says, “I want you to give…” He gave $50,000 to different groceries – some you didn’t even know I had come. He didn’t even speak Yiddish.
Uh-huh.
But somebody translated and what it means, and it became…
So you mentioned *kallot*. Let’s talk about *chasunot* for a second. I’m not even going to ask a question; you can just go…
*Chasanot* is a very happy moment in Jewish life, but unfortunately it is completely… completely out of hand. I cannot even say “completely out of hand” enough times. And I’m going to give you just my thoughts: what should be done about it? What can be done about it? And it’s… it’s a very big problem. A lot of people are very successful in business, as I said now, but there’s a huge, huge percentage in the Jewish community, in the… from the community… when I’m talking about “from the community,” I’m talking about everyone included – that are workers… what is a good worker make a year? Under $150,000. Let’s say his salary is making $200,000, $250,000; let’s say he’s making $300,000. When you have a house with six plus kids, seven plus kids, eight plus kids… which most… and let’s just say… it’s nothing… it’s nothing after putting food on the table, after paying your tuition, after just car expenses, taxes. You’re left with nothing when it comes to *chasunot*. And let’s talk particularly about kosher now. It is completely… doesn’t make sense; doesn’t add up. When a person makes… every year, a child… or let’s say, even in the more modern community, when you make… every two years, a child… they’re broke. Somebody who’s working is broke. A *chasunah* today is minimum… minimum $120,000, $130,000. Okay? And this is a big… why… very big why. So the biggest problem in the Litvish community and in the modern community is they don’t even have the opportunity where to make a cheaper… they do have the opportunity, and people who want to make cheaper *chasunot* can make cheaper *chasunot*. And I’m going to elaborate on it that you should understand… I made my son’s *chasunah* a year ago, the night of the wedding, which means the hall, the catering, the musician, singer, *badchen*, flowers, and photographer cost me and my *macher* together $10,000.
You had one flower?
No, we had a lot of flowers.
Sounds laughable, right? How is it possible? What’s the trick? Yes, $10,000. So the *chasunah* was in a hall in Borough Park called… a gorgeous hall, walking distance from 54th Corner and Hamilton – a state-of-the-art, modern hall, really, really gorgeous hall, nice and big – 125 couples. Okay? Included… obviously, they don’t give you rib steak; they give you chicken. They give you… no one… whoever ate that wedding didn’t leave hungry. Okay? Now, I could afford much more. I did it because I liked the publicity, to be honest, in a good way – so people learn: “Oh, Ronis Schwarz could do it; I could do it too.” And it really did a lot of awareness because all the newspapers were about it: “Look, even Ronis Schwarz did it! If Ronis Schwarz did it, I could do it too.” So first of all, the musician… DJ… DJ… I promise you, if you would have walked in there and you would have danced, you wouldn’t… you would never know. It sounds the same; it’s a great sound system. So DJ… right here, a musician, singer… the DJ sings as well. Okay? They… they give somebody a guarantee that you’re going to make $50,000 to $100,000 a year, and you give them a certain price – $500, $700, instead of $1,800, $2,000, $2,500. Right? Photographer… they’re plenty of photographers who are not as successful as the big brand names, and it’s good enough. How many times did you look at your pictures after the…
I didn’t even make the album yet.
Oh, okay. Good, like thousands of others. What is the starting package by photography today in most weddings? Between $10,000 and $15,000 starting package. So now, in Monsey, for example, in Monsey, New York, they have a whole… $7,000 – everything I mentioned to you now for $7,000. Both sides – $3,500 one side, $3,500 other side. Let me give you a perfect example: furniture. When you walk into the classic furniture stores, okay, you pay between $25,000 and $35,000, and I’m asking a very simple question: a father who has ten children has to buy ten sets of furniture. Why? Why cannot each person buy one pair of furniture? I got married; I buy my furniture. My brother’s going to get married; my sister’s going to get married; they’re going to buy their furniture. Why does somebody who works for $150,000, $200,000 a year… he can barely make ends meet… why does he have to buy ten pieces of furniture in his life? Let everyone buy one piece of furniture in their lifetime. I have a friend who just made it… his son told him, “I don’t want you to buy furniture; I’m going to go to IKEA; I’m going to buy furniture.” And he bought furniture for $2,500, $3,500, something like that. He got payments, eighteen months, no interest, and he’s happy. And I know a lot of people did it. Why does a person dance at his own child’s… but when he finishes the… he has *huish* and pain. How am I going to pay? I know a *rebbe* called me up… I’m talking a lot about it on status on WhatsApp. A *rebbe* called me up that he has a… his *shul*… that he realizes there are five or six weeks that he doesn’t come to *shul*. He called him up; he says, “I can’t show my face; all I married off three kids in the last three years, and I borrowed money from this and that.” Every morning, he comes… “No, no, when are you going to pay me back? When are you going to pay back?” He needs to buy food; he doesn’t have. So it’s a very big problem. The problem is in the Litvish community and in the modern community that if somebody wants to make a cheaper wedding, it doesn’t have the opportunity where the… and that are making real differences in so many issues, and I do it, and I say it with a lot of credit, and maybe they didn’t think about it… if it’s Louis Vuitton, if it’s… it’s from Los Angeles, or all the other special people… and again, each and everyone should be blessed with all the… tremendous work. The rich people from the community got together, and they made wedding halls; they made something… it’s called a mall, basically, with… they go in, in one place, buying everything for that wedding, and it’s way, way, way cheaper. Now, I’m not coming here to revolutionize the way that rich people should make… I really believe that a rich person, who really has a lot of money, does not have to make *chasunah* like the poor person or like the middle-class person. We don’t have the power… the Torah does not have the power today to tell the rich person, “You cannot make a *chasunah* like this,” because in the olden days there was… there was such a thing called *Va’ad Hakahal* – if you know what that means – that all the *rabbonim* from Poland, from Hungary, got together, and they made very strong rules and regulations for rich people as well. But no one… no one has the power to do it today. So the rich people, who really have money… make any *chasunah* you want. Again, even though I don’t believe in it, because it’s raising the standards. And don’t forget that we are the only community in the entire world that rich and poor and middle class live in the same block. If you go in any neighborhood in America, you go down Long Island, you know, rich people live over here. You go in Brooklyn, in certain parts, you know, the rich people live over there. You go in Williamsburg, Borough Park, Monsey, New Square, or even here in Five Towns, you could have a middle-class, a poor person, and the richer person live in the same block, and they go to the same school. And when you give to your daughter a Michelle watch, but ten years old or about twelve years old… what gets… when she… for engagement… especially Europe… what do you expect for this poor child? She also wants a… so basically, it’s raising the standards. So it’s a problem; you cannot fix it. It’s all starts with education, teaching the kids: “I can’t afford it; I cannot afford it. Be happy with what you have.” It’s not easy; I know it’s not easy, but making such weddings that the middle class in this community is making is just going to go bust. Don’t forget: families are getting larger and larger. You have… life expectancy is bigger; we get married younger. And suddenly, when there’s two sides of… families before you… you have 150 couples. But forget about it… you have sometimes people… I mean, with eleven, twelve, fifteen kids… could you imagine the next generation? It’s… it’s a very big problem.
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…People listening who aren’t familiar with… Jewish weddings, they think that the wedding you’re describing is seven nights long, right? We’re talking here… one night, right? Four hours… I… I could… I mean, I… I could show you, after we finish the show, I have on my WhatsApp a father who called me up and we communicated… he was literally sobbing, sobbing, crying that his daughter needs a gown for $14,000. Please explain to me why does a girl even think of a gown of $14,000? Explain to me why my daughter-in-law who got married last year had a gown for $300. Just to fix… took a gown from the… we have gowns all over America for gowns. Why does a *kallah* need a gown for $14,000, even for $8,000, even for $5,000? Your father doesn’t have it now. Most girls work today, a year, two, three… if you want to buy with your own money… again, I think it’s wrong because you’re raising the standards, but going to your father, going to your mother… they’re hardly making ends meet. Why? It’s… it’s a very big problem. Let me give you a lot of examples. Photography… the *kallot* are coming today to the hall at 12:00, 1:00, so they have to go to the makeup artist 9:00 in the
They don't have the opportunity to make a wedding cheaper; they should be enticed. That's what I'm talking about. You can make a difference. They have halls today—three floors, three weddings every night, almost cost-free. Why? Because some got together, breaking even, others fundraise. But between you and me, most working families—after the third child—collect money. Why? They need furniture, photography, makeup artists, gifts, presents. Can you tell me one girl who knows the difference between a zircon and a diamond? No one. Why are people spending $25,000–$35,000 on jewelry? What did they accomplish to deserve it? I understand the Torah says to give gifts, but there's a limit. Everyone says it's once in a lifetime, but unfortunately, that's a separate conversation. With today's divorce rate, why spend $150,000–$200,000 on a wedding? We have this…it talks about not showing off.
Look at Lakewood—most people keep it simple. They have a simcha for their kids and go home. That’s what I grew up with. The rich started it, then others followed. It's thousands of dollars; endless. Some spend $2,000–$4,000, others $50,000–$60,000 on meals, waiters, planners. A common complaint: "You're ruining simchas!" I understand, but if the simcha brings years of enjoyment, I'm for it. But if someone bleeds to pay for it, I have a problem. It's supply and demand. If there weren't demand, people would find different ways. Why make money from people who have to collect funds? A big problem is that part of a wedding used to be giving an apartment—that's long gone. It's too expensive.
In Israel, they have a system: communities establish funds. People contribute—$100 a month for years. When they need it, they get a loan with easy payments. This helps a lot. They make rules: buy furniture and gifts locally. We need this here. We have halls in Williamsburg—four, costing $10,000 for both sides. This needs to be implemented. Another big problem: Shabbat meals. Everyone comes to shul from a lavish meal, not hungry. Why waste money? Young couples without money try to keep up. The rich aside, part of the solution is educating children—to not chase a $35,000 diamond, to be okay with a $500 ring. It'll take time, but education is key. We live in a society where kids get everything instantly. If not, they cry and get it. Schools should help. There are schools where you can't bring outside lunch. But kids stop at the supermarket and buy tons of junk food. We didn't have that when we were kids. We didn't grow up with no value for money. A fundamental change is needed: between parents, communities, and helping those who want a simpler life. They don't have that ability now.
Let's talk about technology. In some circles, people have kosher phones, flip phones. Successful people use flip phones. Is it possible to be successful without smartphone distractions? The owners of B&H Photo—one doesn't know how to text! He only calls. Hundreds of thousands are successful without WhatsApp, etc. I have a smartphone, but it's a tool for destruction as well. Use it smartly.
Sima and her four children have been in a small Tel Aviv hotel room for four months. They're going home despite the shelling, sirens, and her husband fighting in Gaza. They're among 16,000 families returning to damaged homes, empty refrigerators. Kabad is helping with food, supplies, and repairs. Give what you can.
As I grow up, I enjoy Shabbat more. It's smartphone-free time. Ironically, I'm smartest on Shabbat without it. Many people are nervous on Shabbat, rushing to check messages. Many are nervous because of the war in Israel. I was in Israel last week and met friends who are calm and relaxed, even with the war. They don't watch the news; they read the newspaper once a week. People who turn off their phones have calmer lives. You don’t have to throw it away, but know your boundaries.
A comedian said, "People spend money they don't have to buy things they don't need to impress people who don't care." Don't think you have to because everyone else does. I've seen lavish simchas where people laughed at the extravagance. Don't try to impress people. Work with what you have. The advertisements are tempting, brainwashing us. Know your boundaries. Kids don't need everything. I see parents buying their kids tons of candy and junk food in toy stores. The child will have a stomach ache, but they're happy for five minutes. It's the same with other things. Don't show off!
We used to have smaller simchas, limited to 50 people, no photographers. Everyone was happy. Imagine if we went back—people would complain. They're happy because there are no boundaries. Have control; it benefits the whole community. People look up to those who keep it simple. You can have a simple simcha, a simple wedding.
If you have questions, email me: 2328655@gmail.com.
Thank you for listening to Kosher Money. We have another exciting episode coming up. We'll talk to someone who runs a multi-million dollar corporation. Thank you to our sponsors: Twillery, Kabad (donate via your donor's fund account), Living Smarter Jewish (info@livingsmarterjewish.org). We also have shorts on Instagram (@koshermoneypod). If you have suggestions for topics or guests, visit livinglam.com. We're looking for sponsors.
Bonus tip: Get an annual physical. It’s important for your health. Go to your shul and ask for recommendations.