Transcription
Donald Trump is losing it, as the videos he feared are surfacing yet again. Iran knows the pressure points and they know directly how to push it, how to get under Donald Trump and Marco Rubio's skin. Iran is taunting Donald Trump, and he can't handle it. We know from the White House Correspondents Dinner, he does not know how to deliver jokes, he does not know how to take jokes, he doesn't know how to speak in sentences for that matter either. So you have Iran dropping a new Lego video. Uh, I will show you just a small portion of it, but let's play it.
>> [music] >> Facts. >> [singing] [music] >> I will show you the ending of it now as well here. Let's play it.
>> [music] >> Nah. >> [music] [music] [music] >>
Now Marco Rubio used his speech at the ASEAN conference, the South Asian security conference, to talk about how he hates these Lego videos, how they make him very sad and upset. He's never seen the videos before, he says, but he says that if he did see them, he would hate them and they're stupid. This is what the United States Secretary of State is saying, folks, folks, as Donald Trump is out there saying he is opening the gates of hell to obliterate the Iranian civilization. This is what the US Secretary of State is doing. Here, let's play this clip.
>> Because the price they're paying is very high, despite their tough talk and their flowery language and their stupid Lego videos they put out. I've never seen them, but they put these things out on social media. Despite all that bravado, they are suffering tremendously and they're going to suffer more until they come to their senses. They're not there yet, unfortunately.
>> Which country is he referring >> I can't tell you who told me.
Now, this reminds me of the video that's resurfacing about Rubio. This is the video resurfacing about Rubio. Let's play it.
>> Little Marco, Marco. >> [music] >> Bark for your master. Mating out his good dog. Tail wagging faster. Marco, Marco. Whole government isn't [music] Epstein regime. You're just a pet dog projector. You bark on cue. Trump says jump, you ask [music] how high, boss.
And notably, you're hearing from a lot of reporters about who attended the White House Correspondents Dinner. They're embarrassed that they put the event on, seriously. You didn't know that it was going to be that bad. You have Peter Baker from the New York Times saying, "I've been a member of the White House Correspondents Association almost continuously since the 1990s. Our mission is to defend the First Amendment rights of White House Correspondents to report on the president without fear or favor. Unfortunately, last night did not advance that cause. Time to rethink the dinner." Oh, shocks, Peter. Time to rethink the dinner. I mean, you have a literal fascist in the Oval Office. I mean, it is not normal times. You have a fascist saying, "I'm going to open up the gates of hell." Someone who's engaged in massive amounts of war crimes. He's destroying the lives of the American people every damn day and people throughout the world. And you're like, "Oh, shocks. Shocker that this was a weird event." I mean, what do you think was going to happen? But, uh, where is Hunter? Everywhere right now, apparently. Hunter Biden's everywhere. The way he summed up comedy, the White House Correspondents Dinner in general, I thought was so on point. Here's what Hunter Biden says.
I watched Trump's speech at the Correspondents Dinner. It's hard to articulate how sad it made me. Sad and embarrassed and exhausted. Here's the one thing about a man who is a joke. He can't tell one. People think humor is a talent. It isn't. It's a capacity. To make someone laugh, you have to be able to laugh at yourself. And to laugh at yourself, you have to just step outside yourself and see what everyone else sees. For 1 second, you have to be just another person in the room. Most people can do this by the time they are 9 years old. He has never once managed it. Not in 50 years of cameras. Not for a second. That is not a quirk. It is a symptom. The muscle that lets you tell a joke is the same one that lets you feel what another person feels. A man who cannot survive being laughed at cannot imagine anyone being anyone but himself. He will only ever be generous when it is photographed. He will only ever be kind when it is filmed. There is a name for it.
So, he stood up there and did what he always does. He doubled down. He made jokes about people's weight. He made jokes about their intelligence. He made jokes about how women look. He read out the names of people he doesn't like and mocked them. Always mocking. And when no one laughed, he blamed the speech writers. The cruelty dressed as humor has worn so thin. And for the 30% of you still in the cult who will inevitably call me a crackhead and blame it all on my dad, all I can say is please, for the love of God, open your eyes. Wake the F up. Have some dignity. Have some pride. Joe Biden wasn't standing at the podium last night. Donald Trump was. And at the end of it, he put on a red hat and said Trump 2028 and told the room he was running again. No one laughed because everyone knows he has no intention of leaving. Just another joke at our expense. Powerful words indeed.
You know, one of the most important things that we need to do here at the Midas Touch Network with this fascist regime in power is never lose our humor. Never lose our humor to call out and mock this disgusting fascist regime. I want to bring in one of my favorite programs on the Midas Touch Network right now, the Alien Super Show with a super special guest, Alien Super Show. Come on in.
>> Oh, Gleep, my phone's going off. There's a crazy warning. It looks like a socialism surge on Fox News. >> Old people are freaking out. >> [laughter] >> Get someone who strikes fear in the hearts of the Republican and for some reason Democratic Party. Gleep, get me Colorado Congressional Candidate Meela Garridoz. >> Hailing Meela Garridoz. >> Democratic Socialist of America, Meela Garridoz? Holy crap. How's your race been? >> We just won and and beat a 30-year incumbent here in Denver, Colorado. So, I think we are now the socialist capital for the West, which is maybe what you've been hearing about on Fox News, but >> Every time they mention a Colorado candidate without saying your name, that's who they're talking about. Okay, [laughter] I got it. Yeah. >> To be fair, it's only because they can't pronounce it properly. >> The the variations of pronouncing it have been really interesting to hear. >> Oh, yeah, what are some of those? >> We've got we've got some Meela. >> Meela. >> We've got some mullet, which one that one I find particularly >> particularly [laughter] offensive. >> Democrat in the front, Socialist Party in the back, is that what it is? Fox News [laughter] is going to steal that now. >> Yeah. Do you think once you get to Congress the squad will be so popular that there will be like tryouts now? Cuz obviously you want to be in the squad, right? Like >> [laughter] >> I I don't know. I I mean, I'm I'm excited to be to be joining these ranks, but I the party is still I mean, you've heard some of the the party members and >> What do you think you would say to Hakeem Jeffries if you meet him like on your your first or second day or whatever and would you be cordial or would you like just let it out? >> No, I'm not everybody. I Do you know what it is? My opponent is the system. My opponent is the campaign finance laws. My opponent is the oligarchy. >> I've always thought of it as the system is the final boss but the mini bosses on the way are like Hakim Jeffries and Chuck Schumer and like you [laughter] have to kind of go through them to get to the last level, you know? >> It's like Bowser's kids? Is that what it is? >> Yeah, it's a it's Bowser's family. By the way, did you know sorry, this is going to be real weird but I actually know that Bowser's kids are not canon his kids because it implies that Bowser [ __ ] a lot and so they retconned it as Bowser's cousins. So >> Let's get into the clips. Let's get INTO THE CLIPS. >> [laughter] >> THIS IS THE MOST RANDOM piece of lore that I have now. It's going to be [laughter] my new fun fact at parties. >> Wait, Mela, were you a Nintendo family or a PlayStation family? >> I was a PlayStation. I was a PlayStation kid. Ratchet and Clank was my >> god, Ratchet and Clank is wow, this is so fun. We got a gamer here. Okay, cool. >> great humanizing we've got going on right now, you know so >> [laughter] >> Didn't know they had games in space. Democrats have already said the quiet part out loud. They've said that if the Save America Act passes, they're not going to win another election. Why would that be? >> Democrats said that? >> Trump literally said the Save Act will guarantee us the midterms. >> [laughter] >> Did you get it flipped? >> That might actually be the first thing he said that's true. >> I saw a tweet yesterday from Olive Garden of all places that in order to take advantage of their never-ending pasta pass, you have to show photo ID. >> to have your retina scanned for breadsticks. >> [laughter] >> This pasta pass is infringing on my constitutional right for unlimited microwave spaghetti. >> I've always said, the election was rigatoni. >> Nice. [laughter] Very good. >> You do always say that. It's It hasn't made sense until now. >> Heck, you even need to present a voter ID to utilize the Olive Garden's never ending pasta pass. >> And to think I used to be against Italians having the right to vote. >> [laughter] >> This line is picking up. For God's sake, you can't go get pasta at Olive Garden without a picture ID. >> All right, you [ __ ] it up, Scalise. >> It's funny too, cuz it's like they haven't even sold their own members on this. >> Another radical communist, not socialist, communist, is likely going to be your colleague in the fall, Me Lot Key Rose. >> Wrong. >> [laughter] >> These are outright Marxist. They want to abolish all borders, abolish all law enforcement. They want to remove the president and the Supreme Court. >> the last two. >> I mean, these were some of the ads we were getting. Like they were like, "Me Lot Key Rose wants to withdraw from NATO and abolish the Senate and and abolish the police." And I was just like, "I don't When did I say that?" I actually had to be like I was like, "Did I >> [laughter] >> Was that a What are they talking about?" >> Abolishing the Senate is a good idea. The Senate is insane. >> Nothing is getting done. >> Mitch McConnell runs the Senate and he's been dead for weeks. Like I don't think >> to be there either. Every senator you talk to is like, "This sucks." And they're not [laughter] doing anything. >> Yeah. >> And they're so over it. I'm like, I I feel like the Senate would abolish the Senate at this [laughter] point. >> Yeah. >> Have you ever seen in 250 years an American political party this radical before? >> Cuz Mike's been around for 250 >> I was cursed with immortality by a 1745 witch in Salem, Massachusetts. And in all that time, he's never masturbated. >> That his son knows about. >> a time pre-app though, you know. [laughter] Those were the golden days. >> This is not a game. Everybody needs to understand these crazy little Mini Mom Donnies who are popping up all around the country, they are a they are a danger to you and your family. >> Mini Mom Donnie, first of all, some of them could be larger than Mom Donnie. He's not like a HE'S A SHORT GUY. >> MOM Donnie is a mini Mondani. >> [laughter] >> Mila, how does it feel to be called a mini Mondani? >> I'm psyched, man. I mean, Mondani revived the entire party. If this isn't evidence of like what the Republicans are actually afraid of, that they know is the real threat to their their power, then like I I just like I don't know how much more I could shake it into the establishment at this point. >> is is that the Communist Caucus, the Commie Caucus is coming to Congress. >> Say that three times fast. >> They got to figure out what it is before you go [laughter] up there. >> It's got to be alliterative. It's got to be the Commie Caucus. >> March. >> [laughter] >> Oh, that's a good one. >> Yeah, thanks. >> Socialism surging. >> Oh, yeah, Socialism surge. >> font. >> Scary font. >> Oh, there we go. >> Shift the letters more on the edge. Make it look like it's violent. >> Democratic Socialists of America, that group is pushing policies such as replacing the two-party system. >> Right, very fine. >> Ending deportations. >> Yeah, awesome. >> Medicare for all and taxing the rich >> Wildly among >> others. >> Each of these has the support of over 70% of Americans. [laughter] So, I'm just like, where are we >> They support policies such as even more bottomless breadsticks at Olive Garden. >> [laughter] >> This has happened all across the country. This is our DSA tracker right here, and you got all these [laughter] >> It's our DSA Doppler 5000. >> I was just going to say They got a guy out there like blowing IN THE WIND. WE GOT THREE COMMUNISTS IN THE 12TH DISTRICT OF COLORADO. >> IT'S NOT just a talent, they're organized. They have They go >> Thanks. >> Exactly. [laughter] It's like Again, why is that bad? >> And they have a huge door-knocking operation where they go out and talk to the voters. So, although >> Imagine that. >> [laughter] >> What about that? It's like we forgot what voting in a democracy is supposed to look >> What al-Shabaab militia training camp did they teach that [laughter] to you? >> It's like meanwhile, they have a annual CPAC conference >> Yeah, [laughter] they >> they've been doing for 20 years. >> The people that voting for the DSA are mostly overeducated white people. >> They're overeducated white people. >> Overeducated, overeducated, people [laughter] with too much education. >> You told J.D. Vance you're open your your vote is up for grabs. >> Yes, my vote is in play because it can't be Trump [laughter] running. >> Okay, we don't care. Uh how long's this interview? >> We didn't want your vote, man. We we lost We [laughter] gave up on that one a while ago. >> He's just playing a little hard to get. >> He's like a guy leaving a party being like, "I'm leaving. By the way, I'm leaving." Okay, you weren't invited. >> [music] >> It was like >> This is like the craziest format I've ever seen for an internet thing. >> All right, a quick message to my friends on the far left. >> Quit pooping in the Kool-Aid bowl and telling us >> Trying to be cool so bad. >> Van Jones on Substack. >> This music ripped from like a '90s sitcom? What is happening? [laughter] >> Is like is this like an intro to Sex and the City or something? >> You know that in that show, New York City's commie corridors is the fifth character. >> The people who are promoting these nutty, crazy, backwards ideas, literally, they're coming to the party and pooping in our punch bowl. >> And I mean that figuratively. >> Milan, how do you respond to this serious accusation? >> [laughter] >> Van Jones is like the like the perfect like archetype of the Democrat who like saw Mondani win and like tried to learn all of the wrong lessons about why he won. [laughter] And it's like, "No, I'm sorry, a flashy intro with like upbeat '90s music is like not [laughter] why Mondani won. This isn't it." >> Well, put me on a building next to a [ __ ] emoji and >> [laughter] >> uh >> That'll bring in Gen Z. >> I'm actually fascinated by Nixon as a character in history. >> I've started writing my own Nixon erotic fan fic. >> [laughter] >> Oh man, you know it's called Dick in Trouble. >> It's called Richard Dickson. >> If Watergate happened tomorrow, it would be like a 12-hour news story. >> It's not a good thing. >> The idea that it would have taken down a presidency crazy? >> We've done a lot worse. >> I mean, >> you maybe do a little bit of introspection here? Why do you think that is? Is it because your president has a monumental scandal every 6 hours? >> I'm the ICE officer in Maine. Is there any more clarity on how he got his job considering the vetting concerns that his wife has raised? Are there potential changes coming to the vetting process of ICE agents? >> That's a question for ICE. >> I'm just a lowly border czar, ma'am. >> Wait, yeah, who the [ __ ] are you? >> What do you do then? >> Czar stuff, you know. >> Do you have any border and or czar related questions? >> All they had to do is simply comply with law enforcement. If you don't like what law enforcement did you, then go to the courts. >> If you are arrested, you're thrown into a detention center and >> And disappeared. >> Yeah, exactly. Yeah, I don't pretty hard to have a legal recourse at that point. >> We should always comply with law enforcement. If they did, they'd be alive today. >> That's how it works. >> That's another weird honest moment. That's like, yeah, we're just killing people who don't listen to us. So >> rogue >> Mhm. >> lawlessness in the streets. >> Why you say just my mom and dad's, too? They don't hang their heart on a hook every day to do this job. >> No, they hide it behind a mask. >> Comparing ICE to the Nazi regime, are you kidding me? >> That's honestly crazy. The Nazis kept records. >> [laughter] >> There are lots of differences. >> Very detail-oriented. >> Ridiculous. [laughter] Like, how dare you compare us to the well-organized machine of Nazi Germany? >> I can't even go get a quart of milk at a grocery store without a security detail. Why? >> Well, he's very able to get cava bags full of cash delivered to him. [laughter] >> He's like playing the victim card. I can't get milk. >> No, they do this every time. It's like you literally can't extend any ounce of empathy or sympathy to the people literally getting murdered on the street. But God forbid he can't be comfortable in getting a gallon of milk. >> Right, yeah. >> And we got to feel sorry for you. >> do the gallon challenge without having a full security [laughter] apparatus? >> I can't walk down to the 24-hour ice cream place and eat a tub of ice cream at 1:00 a.m. without a security detail? Are you kidding me? >> Maybe that's why he sounds the way he sounds because he's just eating so much dairy. >> He's a little little little congested. >> He's very phlegmy. >> Why? >> Because I'm an embarrassment to this country. It's pathetic and it's disgusting. >> Thanks, Tom. >> Thanks, Tom. >> Thank you, Tom. >> [laughter] >> Thank you for the performance of a lifetime. Give that man an Academy Award. I think I saw a tear coming down. >> I love reporters doing that. It's like an old trope in journalism that's just like, "Thanks for doing the presser." Like, why are you thanking them? It's their [ __ ] job. >> I'm so shocked by that. I've been like this is my first time doing so much press and I'm always getting thanked and I'm like, I feel like [laughter] thank you actually for >> Um well, thank you so much for joining [laughter] us. >> you for watching. >> Thank you. >> Thank you guys. This was so much fun. I loved this. So, normally we ask people like is there anything going on in their universe, anything they want to promote. I think you might have something to talk about. [laughter] >> Yes, we are still running. We are still running a general. We We got to beat We got two other candidates that we're we're trying to beat. >> And if people want to read more, they can check out Van Jones on Substack. >> Van Jones on Substack. [laughter] >> Find all the information they need. >> And if you want to learn about the campaign instead, you can go to >> Yes, please. Yeah, actual URL, please. Yeah. [laughter] >> You can go to Krystal for code.com and you can find out how to plug in there. But thanks y'all so much for having me. >> Thank you. Thanks very a lot. >> Uh do people forget what it was like under the red scare in the late '40s, early '50s? My goodness, if they even thought you were a communist sympathizer, you'd be fired from your job. You would be under scrutiny. You couldn't even have any communist ideas and now it's almost become popular. >> Hey Humies, thanks for tuning in. If you like the show, help us invade your planet by subscribing to our YouTube channel or drop us a comment. We really love those. If you really like the show, subscribe to our Patreon where we share some bonus content. All right, okay, got to go. Bye. >> Breaking news right now. My brothers and I wrote a book. It's called WTF America and well, doesn't that just say it all? It comes out officially this October, but you can pre-order your copy today. Just scan the QR code or click the link in the description below.
>> [music] [music]