Transcription
Stephen: HEY, WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY! PLEASE HAVE A SEAT. THANK YOU. GIVE IT UP FOR LOUIS CATO AND "THE LATE SHOW" BAND RIGHT OVER THERE, EVERYBODY. I'M STILL OVER HERE. THERE IS SO MUCH MORE TO TALK ABOUT.
IT'S THE HOLIDAY SEASON, AND Y'ALL KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS: WE'RE GETTING ENOUGH CHRISTMAS MOVIES TO LAST TILL PURIM. THERE ARE ALREADY MORE THAN 80 HOLIDAY FILMS THIS SEASON. AND THEY HAVE SIMILAR THEMES. THERE'S "A ROYAL CHRISTMAS MANOR," WHERE A PRINCE ESCAPES TO A COZY INN FOR A TRADITIONAL AMERICAN CHRISTMAS AND FALLS FOR THE INNKEEPER. "A ROYAL CHRISTMAS HOPE," WHERE A WIDOWED NONPROFIT FOUNDER MEETS A VISITING PRINCE, AND ONE WHERE A PRINCESS ESCAPES TO A MONTANA RANCH AND FALLS FOR A RUGGED GUIDE CALLED "A ROYAL MONTANA CHRISTMAS." HERE'S A LITTLE PEEK AT "A ROYAL MONTANA CHRISTMAS," STREAMING AND STEAMING NOW ON HALLMARK+.
>> LOOK, I UNDERSTAND HOW IMPRACTICAL THIS IS. I LOOKED UP YOUR COUNTRY. IT IS VERY, VERY FAR AWAY. WHAT IF WE TRIED -- I DON'T WANT TO LOSE THIS.
>> NEITHER DO I. BUT I JUST NEED TO THINK ABOUT IT.
Stephen: LOOK, I GET IT. I GET IT. IT'S GOTTA BE A TOUGH CALL TO STAY WITH A GUY WHO ADMITS HE HAS TO LOOK UP WHERE ENGLISH PEOPLE COME FROM. BUT IT DOESN'T STOP THERE. BETWEEN HALLMARK AND THE OTHER NETWORKS, YOU COULD WATCH "A ROYAL ICING CHRISTMAS," "THE RELUCTANT ROYAL," "A ROYAL CHRISTMAS TAIL," "THE ROYAL WE," "ROYAL-ISH", "A CHRISTMAS CASTLE PROPOSAL," AND "THE CROWN PRINCE OF CHRISTMAS." NOW, AS A CATHOLIC, I WAS ALWAYS TAUGHT THAT THE CROWN PRINCE OF CHRISTMAS WAS JESUS CHRIST. BUT APPARENTLY NOW IT'S TV MOVIE ACTOR JILON VANOVER. SORRY, JESUS. SHOULDA BOOKED THAT WALK-ON ROLE IN "NCIS: LOS ANGELES."
NOW, FOLKS, AS MUCH AS I LOVE THESE HOLIDAY MOVIES, AND I DO, I THINK THEY'RE PROBLEMATIC BECAUSE THEY GIVE PEOPLE THE UNREALISTIC EXPECTATION THAT DURING THE HOLIDAY SEASON, THEY'RE GOING TO JUST BUMP INTO SOME PRINCE AT THEIR JOB.
>> Prince Harry: EXCUSE ME. STEPHEN?
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
>> Stephen: FOLKS!
[CHEERING]
IT'S PRINCE HENRY CHARLES ALBERT DAVID OF WALES-SUSSEX! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
[CHEERING]
>> Prince Harry: SORRY. I THOUGHT THIS WAS THE AUDITION FOR "THE GINGERBREAD PRINCE SAVES CHRISTMAS IN NEBRASKA."
>> Stephen: WHAT? NO! I MEAN, THAT SOUNDS FANTASTIC. BUT YOU'RE AN ACTUAL PRINCE. WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO BE IN ONE OF THESE MOVIES?
>> Prince Harry: WELL, YOU AMERICANS ARE OBSESSED WITH CHRISTMAS MOVIES AND YOU'RE OBSESSED WITH ROYALTY, SO WHY NOT?
>> Stephen: HOLD ON, HOLD ON. I WOULDN'T SAY WE'RE OBSESSED WITH ROYALTY.
>> Prince Harry: REALLY? I HEARD YOU "ELECTED" A KING.
[BOOING]
>> Stephen: THAT'S A FAIR POINT. HE'S GOT A POINT.
>> Prince Harry: AND AFTER MAKING SUCH A BIG DEAL ABOUT MY GREAT-GREAT-GREAT-GREAT-GREA T- GREAT-GRANDFATHER, GEORGE III!
>> Stephen: WELL, HE WAS KIND OF A JERK.
>> Prince Harry: OKAY, LET IT GO. LISTEN, WHAT'S A REAL PRINCE GOT TO DO TO GET INTO A HALLMARK MOVIE?
>> Stephen: WHAT CAN YOU DO?
>> Prince Harry: I'VE GOT SKILLS. I CAN RIDE A HORSE. I CAN FLY A HELICOPTER. I CAN RIDE A HORSE IN A HELICOPTER.
>> Stephen: I'D LIKE TO SEE THAT. BUT LOOK, HARRY, THIS IS SHOW BUSINESS. IT'S ALL ABOUT WHO YOU KNOW. DO YOU HAVE A PERSONAL CONNECTION TO ANY FAMOUS TV ACTRESSES?
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
>> Prince Harry: I MIGHT KNOW ONE. LISTEN, I'LL DO ANYTHING. I'LL DO ANYTHING. I'LL RECORD A SELF TAPE, I'LL FLY MYSELF TO AN AUDITION, SETTLE A BASELESS LAWSUIT WITH THE WHITE HOUSE -- ALL THE THINGS YOU PEOPLE IN TV DO!
>> Stephen: HEY, HEY. HEY. HARRY, I DIDN'T DO ANY OF THOSE THINGS.
>> Prince Harry: MAYBE THAT'S WHY YOU'RE CANCELED. BUT CAN'T YOU HELP ME? I'LL DO ANYTHING IN RETURN.
>> Stephen: LOOK, HARRY. IF YOU WANT TO LAND ONE OF THESE HALLMARK ROLES, YOU'VE GOT TO PRACTICE HELPING AMERICANS RECONNECT WITH WHAT THEY LOVE ABOUT CHRISTMAS.
>> Prince Harry: RIGHT. WONDERFUL CHRISTMAS TRADITIONS. LIKE PUTTING ON JUMPERS AND PULLING CRACKERS ON BOXING DAY.
>> Stephen: ARE THOSE EVEN REAL WORDS?
>> Prince Harry: OH, WHO AM I KIDDING? I'M NEVER GOING TO BE AN AMERICAN HALLMARK PRINCE. AND NOW I'M STUCK HERE, SPENDING THE HOLIDAY SEASON IN YOUR QUAINT LITTLE VILLAGE OF MIDTOWN MANHATTAN.
>> Stephen: LOOK, I'M SORRY, HARRY. YOU SEEM LIKE A NICE ENOUGH GUY. REAL LIFE IS NOT LIKE THOSE TV MOVIES. I DON'T RUN A NON-PROFIT BED AND BREAKFAST/CANDY CANE FACTORY WITH MY THREE BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTERS "HOLLY", "TINSEL" AND "POPCORN STRING"... AT LEAST NOT SINCE THE BANK FORECLOSED ON IT LAST CHRISTMAS EVE, LEAVING ME SO CYNICAL THAT ONLY A CHANCE ENCOUNTER WITH A PRINCE COULD EVER REDEEM MY FAITH IN THE HOLIDAYS.
[JINGLING]
>> Prince Harry: WAIT, STEPHEN. LISTEN. DO YOU SEE WHAT'S HAPPENING? CAN YOU HEAR THE SLEIGH BELLS?
>> Stephen: YEAH. IT'S PROBABLY ONE OF THOSE CENTRAL PARK HORSES HAVING A SEIZURE.
>> Prince Harry: NO, NO, NO. COME ON. JUST LOOK AT THIS. WE'RE SUDDENLY SURROUNDED BY BEAUTIFUL CHRISTMAS TREES!
>> Stephen: YEAH, IT'S FOR A CHRISTMAS BIT I WAS GOING TO DO BEFORE YOU INTERRUPTED ME.
>> Prince Harry: OH, STEPHEN, LOOK! IT'S SNOWING!
>> Stephen: NO, NO! STOP IT! NO! STOP IT!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
THIS ISN'T SNOW. THEY'RE JUST STARTING TO TEAR DOWN THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER IT'S ASBESTOS. IT'S WHAT'S GIVING THE HORSES SEIZURES.
>> Prince Harry: STEPHEN, YOU JUST HAVE TO BELIEVE. DOESN'T THIS PROVE ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN? I MEAN, MINUTES AGO, YOU SAID IT WAS IMPOSSIBLE, BUT LOOK. ISN'T THERE A HANDSOME PRINCE STANDING IN FRONT OF YOU RIGHT NOW?
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
>> Stephen: LOOK, HARRY, I'M SORRY. HARRY, HARRY. I KNOW YOU WANT THIS. BUT I'M AFRAID YOU HAVE TO SAY -- I WAS TESTING YOU. YOU'VE GOT THE ROLE. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, HARRY. THE OFFICIAL "LATE SHOW" PRINCE OF CHRISTMAS! WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MICHAEL SHANNON.