10 Reasons I’ll Never Get Married Again

Every year, millions of people get married. Even with marriage rates that are some of the lowest they've ever been, it still shocks me that millions of men voluntarily enter into this institution that will very likely cause a lot of emotional growth and a lot of intellectual growth. They'll be very reflective, just like me, when they're old. But it will cost them money, and it'll cost them pain, and it'll shatter their illusions about romantic love. Yet millions and millions of men just can't help themselves. They line up for it like it's some kind of a giveaway, like something good's going to come from it. And for 90% of the guys who enter into this craziness, there's nothing good coming from it, trust me.

Today, I'm going to give you my 10 favorite reasons why I would not get married today and why I'll never get married again. It's not because I don't like women. I think women are fine, they're just women. But, uh, entering into a legal agreement with them that could involve you being their benefactor for the rest of their lives, that's a whole another thing. It's a whole another thing, and I think we men, we just fool ourselves. We just make ourselves believe this is something that it isn't, and there's someone that they're not. We project a lot of energy into marriage. So that's what I want to talk about today, at least 10 reasons why I would absolutely never get married again.

The number one reason, and this one will probably be the top reason for most guys, is our court systems. And the family, um, court system, uh, really can be destructive to men's lives. Um, men seem to really struggle in court during a divorce. We seem to get the short end of the stick more often than not. It seems to cost us the most financially. Um, we lose, uh, access to our children. Um, we end up having to pay, uh, alimony indefinitely. So there's all these negatives associated with it. Marriage can literally erase you financially. So you can spend 25, 30, 40 years building a fortune for yourself, and, um, and your wife can basically take it all from you in a heartbeat, and there's very little you can do about it. And there is nothing more frustrating than being at the mercy of a court system that has complete control over you and can dictate what your, um, future is going to look like financially, and to some degree emotionally as well, and you have very little control. And you know, if any of you ever had to run into the court system for any reason at all, for any legal reason, that sense of loss of control that you get when you're part of that system is, um, one of the most scary and frustrating things you can imagine, and I would not recommend it to anyone. So having courts or the legal system involved in our relationships, I think is probably the single biggest, uh, hurdle that we have as a culture in solving our, um, relationship problems, and even our fertility problems to a certain degree, because I don't think a lot of people want to get into a relationship where children are going to be part of it if the court systems are going to be also a part of it. So I think that probably we need to privatize marriage in some way, shape, or form, so that no longer are courts engaged in this thing. But, uh, that's just my opinion. So that's the first one. The court system will screw you as a man, and you definitely do not want to be screwed by the court system.

Number two is, um, I no longer seek external validation. And I think young guys seek external validation through a relationship, through marriage in particular, because it is this institution of marriage that is one of the, um, hallmarks or the, uh, milestones in a person's life that allows the rest of the world to know that they are a mature, um, contributing member of society. And I think as men, getting that blessing from a woman that you are authorized in the feminine world that we live in as a contributing member, because she is willing to sleep with you and marry you, then you are legit. You are totally legit at that point. And I think young guys seek that sense of legitimacy through marriage, and I think that is a huge mistake because it's a trap. And you don't realize it's a trap. You think, okay, I've done it. I've, I've gotten married. Married. I am a married man. Maybe I'm a married man with a family, for God's sake. I am totally legit. Society now accepts me as a member. I am a contributing member to this organization that we call society. So you would think that no more validation, right? That's where you're wrong. You're going to be seeking that validation from that woman every freaking day of your life from this day forward because you are going to have to make sure that she continues to accept you. It's not just a matter of getting it done once. No, you've got to, you got to meet that standard on a regular basis. You can't just be your best self for a little while. No, you got to be on your toes all the time. And, um, it's an impossible journey, man. It's an impossible journey. So you're basically trading your freedom for validation. That's basically what it is. You're trading your opportunity to live a fulfilling, free life on your own in exchange for validation from a woman so you can be accepted into this thing that we call society. I would say it's, don't do it.

All right, number three, lifestyle. So for the first time in a long time, for about 30 years, so I did live on myself for about, um, five or six years with Spencer, with my son, um, um, but for the first time in 30 years, I feel like I have my own home. Like it's really my house. Before, it was always her house, and I was living in it. So living in your own house is completely different than living in a house with a woman. So when you're living with a woman, it's like you're living in somebody's princess dollhouse, if you can imagine that. It's like you moved into her teenage bedroom in a way. Everything smells like, looks like, and feels like her. It doesn't feel like yours. You feel like you are a guest in this female-oriented house. Hey, hey, hey, no. And nothing can be more uncomfortable for a man than to always be surrounded by all this feminine stuff. You know, we had rooms in our old house, we, I couldn't go into because they were, they were dollhouse rooms, they were made with dollhouse furniture. You know, it's just a complete waste. Um, um, and I don't think you realize, I, for a lot of you guys, you're listening to this, you're thinking, oh, that's not a big deal. You know, you'll get used to it, get over it, man. All that, after a period of time, it really starts to wear on you. You start looking around and saying, wait a second, none of this stuff is stuff I would have ever purchased in a million years. Why do I live with it? Why did I pay for it? Why is it in my house? Yeah, it sucks. It totally sucks. Having my own lifestyle means I have all these big dumbass dogs, and they sleep in my bed most of the night anyway. And, uh, yeah, and this is the lifestyle that I've created for myself. Um, I eat the food that I choose to eat when I choose to eat it. There is no dinner time or lunchtime or breakfast time. It's just whenever I choose to eat, that's when I eat. Um, I watch the shows that I want to watch when I want to watch them, the movies I want to watch, whatever it may be. I set all of the, uh, um, entertainment provisions. You know, I, I set all the standards for that. And I know this sounds like, you know, tiny little things, but it's the kind of stuff that you don't really realize you miss until it's gone. And then once it's gone, you're like, why does my life feel so out of control sometimes? And it's because it is out of control. It's because you're not making any of the decisions. And when you're not making any of the decisions in your own damn life, yeah, you get fed up with that. You get fed up with that really, really fast. So, so having my own home, having my own lifestyle, having my own way of living without having to check with someone else to make sure it didn't conflict with someone else's agenda is a blessing, and I would never give that up again. When you make a commitment to another human being, a woman in particular, it requires an enormous amount of your energy, your intellectual, emotional, financial, your whole life force energy to make sure you are living up to that commitment and you are keeping that relationship healthy and strong. This is not an easy thing to do. It takes, like I said, a lot of your personal resources to accomplish. When you can turn that energy into your own lifestyle, into your own, um, priorities, and to your own desires, you can accomplish a lot. So, for example, after being married, after being with my ex-wife for 22 years, now we did raise three children and all that, but during that time, by the time that marriage was over, I was broke. I had no money left. I was pretty much penniless. I don't think I had enough money to make the next rent payment in my bank account the day she walked out. Um, she's been gone for five and a half, six years, and now I have a, not a huge fortune, but I am financially comfortable now. Like I'm not living paycheck to paycheck anymore. I'm not, you know, I have more money in my bank account today than I did for most of those 22 years, which is a wonderful feeling. You know, and I see my, my ability to live the life that I want and to do it for as long as I want, really, um, a reality. And, um, yeah, when she was there, there were a lot of priorities that were not mine that required resources that I wouldn't have chosen. And I don't think you realize how significant that is until you had to go through it. So that's another really valid, strong, healthy reason for not wanting to have a relationship with someone else, not getting into a marriage.

All right, so number six, I will never have to depend on someone else to hold up their end of the bargain. And when you're in a relationship, you're in a, you know, a partnership. You are, um, they say, you know, some people say 50/50, other people say 100/100%. You know, we all have to give our, you know, our side of it. But what ends up happening, at least what ended up happening with me, is I felt like I was always carrying the load. Like I was the one doing most of the, the heavy lifting. And, um, it just became part of my lifestyle where I realized that if we were taking on any, uh, responsibility, that it was going to land on me for the most part, to some degree, you know. And when you're depending on someone to do their half or do their part of it, and you can't get them to do it, it can be extremely frustrating. I mean, extremely frustrating.

The next thing, number seven, is I can have whatever friends I want. So when you're in a relationship with someone, they're going to have an opinion about all the people that you bring into your life, and they're going to make judgments about these people and whether they're good people or bad people, or they drink too much, or they smoke too much pot, or whatever. It doesn't matter. These are things that, um, I no longer have to deal with, and I am glad I don't have to deal with it because I think I lost a lot of really great friendships because of my marriage, and I would never do that again. And so that's another really good reason not to get married. So some of these sound a little bit repetitive, but, um, number eight is this. Number eight, I think it's this. Number eight, making your own entertainment choices really is a big one. You know, I know I talked about that a little bit earlier under the lifestyle one, but it really is great where I can go to sporting events, I can go out to whatever movie I want, you know, um, taking trips, you know, traveling. These are all great things.

The next one, number nine, my wife, my ex-wife, hated camping. Hated it. And I grew up camping. I love the outdoors. As you can see, I'm out here all the time. Um, and the opportunity to go camping again. I'm thinking about buying a trailer so I can put all these dogs in them and we can drive across the country. That's something that would never happen with my ex-wife. You know, that's the kind of decision that you don't realize when you're dating someone, you're getting ready to get married, that these, these are the kinds of things that really, uh, shape your life, and you don't realize how important they are until they're gone. You know, you think the grass is greener to get married, but you give up so much of yourself in order to be in this relationship. Um, yeah, I, I just don't know why people do it.

And that sort of leads me to the next one, and that is, I cannot figure out why anybody would voluntarily give up their autonomy, their authenticity, their freedom, so that they can live with another human being, to be married to them, to have this legal arrangement. Now, don't get me wrong, I understand all of the wonderful benefits of being in a relationship with a woman, but I'll tell you what, you can have a lot of those benefits without having the legal entanglements that come with the marriage. And I'm all for relationships, don't get me wrong. I mean, I love out with women, I enjoy women, I think women have a lot to offer. But when, when you add the layer of the legal entanglements from a marriage, it changes the dynamic of the relationship in a way that is really unpredictable. You don't realize what you're going to get until it's happened. It's as if there is a power shift where suddenly the woman realizes that she has an upper hand on you, the man, because she realizes in some way that she holds the, you know, the card that's going to win the game at the end of the day in terms of divorce. She realizes the court systems will, uh, take care of her, and they will do it at your expense. So not only is it a, um, a plan B for her, but it's also a way for her to get retribution against you. So if you misbehave from her perspective in any way at all, or you're not doing what she thinks is necessary for you to live up to this mythical standard of being a great husband, then yeah, you are going to pay. You're going to pay to take care of her for the rest of her life, but then you're also going to pay, um, emotionally, psychologically, the whole nine yards. And I think she knows that. And I think women realize they have that leverage over men, and I think they use it. Now, not all women, not all women, but certainly enough of them do it that it's enough to keep most men out of this institution. So I would strongly recommend, if you have the choice, and you do, don't get married. You will regret it. Chances are, you will regret it. Only about one in 10 people are happy, really happy in their marriages, and, um, the vast majority of people are are unhappy.

One thing I have learned about life in my last 60 years is that objective reality is a bit of an illusion. We get out of life whatever we put into it, and that can apply in many different ways. So you may be able to achieve greatness by working hard, focusing your attention, imagining your dreams come true, but it can also work when we project into a situation like a relationship what we think it should be, and we pretend that's what it's going to be, just because we want it to be that way. And unfortunately, that oftentimes is not the case. And sometimes we get these projections from external sources, media, movies, social media, books, any number of places. We get this idea in our head about what romantic love and romantic marriage is. And unfortunately, these illusions are just that, they're just illusions. There's very little truth to it. Marriage is not a romantic relationship. There might be some occasional romance in it, don't get me wrong. It's not a complete drudgery, but for the most part, there's not a lot of romance in marriage. It literally is a slog day in and day out. And it's fine as long as you know what you're getting yourself into. Most men have no clue what they're getting in for. They don't know what's about to happen to them, and it's going to shock them when it happens, and they're going to be disillusioned and crushed, and probably financially broke when it all comes to pass. So I hope this video has helped you avoid that, that end. If nothing else, I hope you're able to to reach that point where you have a little more clarity about decision making.

All right, you guys, that's all I got for you today. I hope you've enjoyed the video. If you have, please like and subscribe. I'll catch you in the next one. Until then, stay healthy, and if you can, stay single.