Transcription
If your need is acceptance, I automatically know that your insecurity is being left out, being exiled, or being made fun of in front of other people. And if it's the intelligence thing, it's being seen as stupid. But each one of those carries with it a childhood wound.
How do you quickly spot someone's number one insecurity?
I don't know about quickly. Well, you can do it very quickly. To teach you, it would take a few minutes. Let's go into it if you want to do it. The first thing is you need to spot what they need from other people. So typically if I if I know what you need to be seen as from other people, I know what was probably missing in your childhood right away. And there's six social needs that we teach at NCI University. And these are significance, approval, acceptance, intelligence, pity, and power or strength.
It's not that I need to be powerful. It's not that I need to be significant or accepted. It's I need people to see that I am those things. So, the guy that's driving the giant jacked up pickup truck with like the plastic nuts hanging off the the trailer hitch and the MMA I fight all the time sticker and the Glock sticker on the back of his truck. All like just Mr. Tough Guy. He doesn't have a need to be powerful all the time. He has a need for you to see him as powerful. And those are two very different things. Very different.
So, if you're just in a casual conversation and you hear somebody say, "Oh yeah, I've been working there for 20 years and still everybody calls me up." Yeah, even after I retired, they still call me and ask for my advice. That's significance. You're hearing significance right away.
Let's just make it a company they used to work for. Somebody says, "Yeah, I actually worked there for 20 years. It was the greatest group of people. Everybody takes care of each other." Boom. Acceptance. You're hearing it right away.
Or if you hear somebody say, "Yeah, I mean, I worked at that company for 20 years, but that doesn't mean I'm going to be good at the speech tomorrow. I always I always mess these things up." Just so you'll say, "Oh, no, Jack, you're going to do great. You're going to be really good. You did you did great last time. You know your stuff." That's approval.
Or you hear somebody say, "I worked at that company 20 years." It was right after I got my master's degree in blank and I wrote my paper on this which led me to a managerial position over there. Intelligence.
Somebody says, "I've been working at that company 20 years." And they never really pay attention to anybody. It was horrible. We had horrible hours coming in. Our boss was a total and I had to endure that for 20 years. Pity.
The pity needs person is one of the most confusing. It's not that they want pity. It's that they want you to understand how bad they had it or how much they went through. Our instinct with a pity person is to say, "No, man. It's not that bad. You know, it was pretty good. You got a good paycheck. You had a good time." Not all the bosses were That's not what they want.
So, the moment you do that, it's like them knocking on your door and asking whether or not you're a drug dealer for the drug that they need and you're going, "No, not me." I mean, we get dopamine and we get neuropeptides that flood our system when we get what we want socially. And what was the one we left out? Oh, the strength and and power. Like I worked at that company 20 years and I was always the boss. Everybody looked up to me. Everybody asked me for advice and there was a lot of these little weak guys down in the sales department that couldn't make sales, but I went down there and I told them, you know, just the tough acting people.
So that's one way of just seeing what people need socially. So if I'm significant, I'm asking the question, do other people see me as significant? So do other people realize how bad I've had it? Do other people see me as powerful?
But each one of those carries with it a childhood wound of something that was missing or something that didn't get acknowledged. And we carry stuff from childhood way too far into adulthood without us ever knowing it. And this is all all of us.
If I know your significance, I know that your fear and your secret insecurity that not even your friends know is feeling insignificant and being left out and not making a difference. It's so clear.
If your need is acceptance, I automatically know that your insecurity is being left out, being exiled, or being made fun of in front of other people or people laughing at you.
If it's approval, it's you're always right. All of your insecurities are right. You're going to mess this up. So, people confirming that.
And if it's the intelligence thing, it's being seen as stupid or being publicly judged for not being smart.
If it's the pity thing, then your secret insecurity is people are no one's going to know how what you've been through to get where you are. No one's going to acknowledge you ever. No one's going to understand you.
Each one of those, we can see the insecurities very clearly. And there's deeper layer. This is like the preschool level of this stuff. And within probably 2 minutes, just using this system, you can see deeper into a person's life than their family and their best friends. And it's extremely reliable.