Transcription
Chapter 4. Mother and child.
When it appears in haiku, the higurashi cicada is a term denoting the season associated with autumn. The mention of the higurashi therefore evokes an image of its shrilling at the end of summer. In reality, this insect's cry can be heard from the beginning of summer. Somehow though, while the shrills of the Abura cicada and the Minman cicada evoke the images of a blazing sun, midsummer and scorching days, the song of the Higurashi evokes images of the evening and the late summer. When the sun begins to set and the dusk gathers, the kana of the higurashi evokes a melancholic mood and one gets the urge to hurry home.
In the city, the shrill of the higurashi is seldom heard. This is because unlike the Abura cicada and the min cicada, the higurashi like shady places such as the canopy of a forest or of cypress groves away from the sun. But living near our cafe was a single higurashi cicada. When the sun started to set, a continual cana could be heard coming from somewhere shrilling fleetingly and weakly. This was sometimes audible in the cafe, though as the cafe was at basement level, you had to strain your ears to hear it. It was that faint.
It was one such August evening. Outside the Abura cicada was loudly shrilling, "Gee!" The weather office had reported that this day had been the hottest of the year. But in the cafe, it was cool despite the lack of air conditioning. Kazu was reading an email that Hai had sent to Nagata's phone. "I have been back at Takura for 2 weeks now. There are so many new things to learn. Every day I am nearly reduced to tears. It's so tough. Oh, she does have it tough." Listening to Kazu were Kotake and Nagare. As neither Kazu nor Kay had a phone, it was Naga's phone that received all emails sent to the cafe. Kazu didn't have a phone because she was not very good at maintaining personal relationships and she saw phones and means of communication as nothing more than a nuisance. Kay didn't have a phone because she canceled it when she got married. "One phone is enough for a married couple," she said. In contrast, Hidai had three phones, each for a particular purpose, for customers, for private, and for family. On her family phone, she had saved only her family home number and her sister Kumi's number. Although no one from the cafe knew it now she had added two extra contacts in her phone reserved for family. The cafe and Nagare's mobile.
Kazu continued to read out the email. "Things are still a bit awkward with my parents, but I feel a returning home was for the best. I just think that if Kumi's death had led to unhappiness for both me and my parents, then that unhappiness would have been her only legacy. So that's why I intend to lead a life that creates a more wonderful legacy for Kumi's life. I guess you never thought I could be so serious. So anyway, I'm happy and well. If you get a chance, please come and visit. Although it's already come and gone this year, I highly recommend the Tanabata Festival. Please send my regards to everyone. Yayo Hi."
Nagare listening at the entrance to the kitchen with his arms folded narrowed his eyes even more than usual. He was probably smiling. It was always difficult to know when he was smiling. "Oh, isn't that wonderful?" Kotake said smiling happily. "She must have been on a break between shifts as she was wearing her nurse's uniform."
"Hey, check out the photo," Kazu said, showing Kotake the photo attached to the email. Kotake took the phone in her hands so that she could get a good look. "Wow, she already looks apart for sure," she said with a hint of surprise. "Doesn't she?" Kazu agreed, smiling. In the photo, Hayi was standing in front of the inn with her hair in a bun. She was wearing a pink kimono indicating her status as the owner of Takura. She looks happy. She does. Hidai was smiling like she didn't have a care in the world. She had written that things were still awkward between her and her parents. But standing next to her were her father Yasuo and mother Micho. "And Kumi too," muttered Nagare, peering at the photo from behind. "Kumi is no doubt happy as well." "Yes, I'm sure she is," Kotake said, looking at the photo. Kazu standing beside her also gave a small nod. She no longer had the cool demeanor she had while conducting the ritual for returning to the past. Her face was gentle and kind.
"By the way," Kotake said as she returned the phone to Kazu. She turned and looked over dubiously to where the woman in the dress was sitting. "What's she doing over there?" It was not the woman in the dress she was looking at, but Fumiko Kyokawa, who was sitting on the chair opposite her. It was Fumiko who had traveled back to the past in the cafe that spring. Normally the epitome of a working woman, today must have been her day off, as she was dressed casually in a black t-shirt with 3/4-length sleeves and white leggings. On her feet were cord sandals. Fumiko had showed no interest in Hidai's email. Instead, she was staring at the face of the woman in the dress. Just what she wanted was a mystery. Kazu had no idea either. "I wonder too," was all that Kazu could reply. Since spring, Fumiko had occasionally visited the cafe. When she did, she sat there opposite the woman in the dress.
Suddenly, Fumiko looked at Kazu. "Um, excuse me," she said. "Yes." "There is something that's been bothering me." "What is it?" "This whole thing where you get transported through time. Could you visit the future, too?" "The future?" "Yes. The future." Hearing Fumiko's question, Kotake's curiosity was piqued. "Yes, I'd be interested to know that, too." "I know, right?" Fumiko agreed. "Going back to the past or going to the future are both about being able to travel through time. So, I thought maybe it's possible," Fumiko continued. Kotake nodded in agreement. "So, is it possible?" Fumiko asked with eyes full of expectation and curiosity.
"Yeah, of course you can go to the future," Kazu bluntly replied. "Really?" Fumiko asked. Then in her excitement, she accidentally bumped the table, spilling the woman in the dress's coffee. The woman twitched her eyebrows. And in a great panic, Fumiko wiped the spilled coffee with a napkin. She didn't want to get cursed. "Wow," Kotake exclaimed. Kazu took in both women's responses. "But no one goes," she added coolly. "What?" Fumigo asked, taken aback. "Why on earth wouldn't they?" she demanded, drawing closer to Kazu. "Surely she wasn't the only person to whom the idea of traveling to the future appealed. That's what she meant to say." Kotake also looked as if she wanted to know why no one went. Her eyes widened and she looked intently at Kazu.
Kazu looked to Nagare and then back at Fumiko. "Well, okay. If you want to go to the future, how many years forward do you want to go?" Despite the question apparently having come from nowhere, it seemed that Fumigo had already considered this. "3 years from now," Fumigo answered immediately as if she had been waiting to be asked. Her face turned a little red. "You want to meet your boyfriend?" Kazu inquired, apparently unmoved. "Well, so what if I do?" She stuck out her jaw as if to defend herself, but her face grew redder.
At that point, Nagate interrupted. "No need to be embarrassed about it." "I'm nothing of the sort," she retorted. But Nagate had touched a nerve, and both he and Kotake were looking at each other, grinning. Kazu was not in a teasing mood. She was looking at Fumiko with her usual cool expression. Fumigo picked up the seriousness. "That's not possible?" she asked in a small voice. "No, it's possible. It's not that it's not possible," Kazu continued in a flat monotone. "But how can you know that in 3 years he will visit the cafe?" Fumiko didn't appear to understand the point of the question. "Don't you see?" Kazu asked Fumiko as if cross-examining her. "Oh," Fumiko said, finally getting it. Even if she traveled forward in time by 3 years, how could she possibly be sure that Goro would be in the cafe? That's the sticking point.
"What's happened in the past has happened. You can target that moment and go back there. But the future is completely unknown," Kotake said, clapping her hands as if playing on a quiz show. "Sure, you can travel to the day you wish to go to, but there is no way of knowing if the person you want to meet is going to be there." Judging by Kazu's nonplussed expression, there must have been lots of other people who had pondered the same thing. "So unless you are counting on a miracle, if you decide on a time in the future and travel to it for just that short time before the coffee cools, the chances of meeting the person you actually want to meet are very slim," Nagare added as if he explained this sort of thing all the time. He finished by looking at Fumiko with his narrow eyes, asking, "You get what I'm saying?"
"So going would just be a waste of time," Fumiko muttered with acceptance. "Exactly. I see." Considering how seemingly superficial her motive was, Fumiko probably should have been more embarrassed. But she was so impressed with the airtight nature of the cafe's rules that it did not cross her mind to question Kazu's response further. She didn't say anything, but she thought to herself, "When you return to the past, you cannot change the present. Going to the future is simply a waste of time. How convenient. I can see why that magazine article described the cafe's time travel as meaningless." But she wasn't going to avoid embarrassment so easily.
Nagare further narrowed his eyes inquisitively. "What did you want to do? Make sure you were married?" He teased. "Nothing of the sort. Ha. Knew it. No, I told you it's not that." The more she denied it, the deeper the hole Fumiko seemed to be digging herself into. But unfortunately for her, she wouldn't have been able to travel to the future anyway. There was one more annoying rule preventing this from occurring. A person who had sat on the chair to travel through time once cannot do it a second time. Each person receives only a single chance. But I think it would be easier not to tell Fumiko that," Kazu thought as she observed Fumiko chatting happily. This was not out of consideration for Fumiko, but rather because she would demand a reasonable explanation for such a rule. "I can't be bothered dealing with that," Kazu thought simply.
Clang Dong. "Hello, welcome." It was Fousagi. He was wearing a navy polo shirt, beige brown trousers, and a set of sandals. A bag hung from his shoulder. It was the hottest day of the year. In his hand he held not a handkerchief but a small white towel which he was using to wipe his sweat. Fusagi. Nagatti called his name rather than chanting the customer greeting of "hello welcome." Fusagi first looked a bit confused but then gave a small nod in reply and went to sit down at his usual seat at the table closest to the entrance. Kotake with her hands behind her back strolled up close to him. "Hello, darling," she said with a smile. She no longer called him Fouseagi like she had used to. "I'm sorry. Do I know you?" "I'm your wife, my love." "Wife? My wife? Yes. This is a joke, right?" "No, I really am your wife." Without hesitation, she slipped into the seat facing him. Not sure how to react to this unknown woman behaving in such a familiar manner, he looked troubled. "Uh, I would prefer it if you didn't take the liberty of sitting there." "Oh, it's perfectly fine that I sit here. I'm your wife." "Um, it's not fine with me. I don't know you." "Well, then you'll have to get to know me. Let's start now." "What on earth do you mean?" "Well, I guess it's a marriage proposal." While he was gaping at this woman in front of him, she sat there smiling. Visibly distressed. He sought the help of Kazu, who had come to serve him a glass of water. "Um, please could you do something about this woman?" If you were a stranger taking a quick glance, you might see a couple in a good mood. But if you looked harder at Fouseagi, you would see the face of a man in distress. "He looks a bit upset," Kazu said, offering him her support with a smile. "Is he? Oh well. Maybe it's best to leave it at that for today," Nagare said from behind the counter, offering a lifeboat. Similar conversations had played out between the couple on several occasions. Some days when Kotake told Fusagi that she was his wife, he would refuse to believe it. But oddly, on other days it was different. There would be times when he would say, "Oh, really?" and accepted. Just two days earlier, she had sat opposite him and they had had what seemed to be an enjoyable conversation. During such conversations, they mainly talked about their memories of travel. Fusagi enjoyed telling her about how he had traveled here or where he had visited there. She would look at him with a smile and add, "I went there, too." And both of them would become engrossed in the conversation. She had just come to enjoy this kind of casual exchange. "I guess so. I'll pick up the conversation when we get home," she said, and went back to sitting at the counter, resigned to leaving it at that for now.
"But you seem happy with things," Nagate observed. "I suppose." Despite the cool temperature of the cafe, Fagi continued to wipe the sweat forming in beads on his face. "Coffee, please," he ordered as he removed the travel magazine from his shoulder bag and spread it out on the table. "Okay," Kazu said with a smile and disappeared into the kitchen. Fumiko once again began to stare at the woman in the dress. Kotake was leaning forward with her cheeks resting on her hands and looking at Fagi, who was looking down at the magazine, oblivious to the fact that he was being watched. Nagare while watching these two began to grind coffee using a retro-looking coffee mill. The woman in the dress as always continued to read her novel. As the aroma of freshly ground coffee filled the cafe, Kay appeared from the back room. The side of her made Nagare stop. "Good grief," Kotake said when she saw Kay's complexion. She looked very pale, almost bluish, and she was walking as if she might faint. "Are you okay?" Nagi asked brusquely, clearly horrified, as the blood seemed to have drained from his face, too. "Oh, dear sis, I think you'd better rest today," Kazu called out from the kitchen. "No, I'm okay. I'm fine," Kay said, trying her hardest to look better, but she couldn't hide how unwell she was. "You don't look like you're feeling too good today," Kotake said, standing up from her counter seat while assessing Kay's condition. "You should be resting, don't you think?" "But," Kay shook her head. "No, I'm fine. Really," she insisted, making a peace sign with her fingers. But it was plain to see that she wasn't.
Kay was born with a weak heart, ordered by doctors not to take part in intense physical activity. She was never able to take part in things like sports days when she was at school. Nevertheless, she was naturally sociable and free-spirited, an expert at enjoying life. This was one of Kay's talents for living happily. As Hi would say, "If I am unable to do vigorous exercise, that's okay. I won't do vigorous exercise." That is how she thought. Rather than just sitting out the races on sports days, she would get one of the boys to push her in a wheelchair. Of course, they never had a chance of winning, but they gave it their all and always seemed to be bitterly disappointed when they lost. In dance class, she would make slow movements in complete contrast to the swinging and shaking the others were doing. Doing things differently from everyone else would normally antagonize those making sure no one went against the grain. But no one ever thought that way with Kay. She was always everyone's friend. She had that sort of effect on people. But irrespective of her strength of will or character, Kay's heart often seemed to deteriorate. Although never for very long, Kay was often pulled out of school and hospitalized for treatment. It was in hospital, in fact, that she met Nagare. She was 17 years old and in her second year of senior high school. While in hospital, she was confined to bed. So she got her enjoyment from conversations she had with her visitors and the nurses who came into her room. She also enjoyed staring out at the outside world beyond her window.
One day while looking out the window, she saw in the hospital garden a man who was fully wrapped in bandages from head to toe. She couldn't take her eyes off him. Not only was he entirely wrapped in bandages, but he was also so much bigger than everyone else. When a school girl walked in front of him, she appeared tiny by comparison. It was perhaps rude to do so, but Kay called him the mummy man, and she could watch him all day without getting bored. A nurse told her that the mummy man had been hospitalized after a traffic accident. He had been crossing the road at an intersection when there was a minor collision between a car and a truck just before his eyes. He luckily escaped the collision, but the side of the truck dragged him about 20 m and threw him into a shop window. The actual car crash was minor and the people in the car weren't injured. The truck, however, had driven up onto the curb and toppled over. There were no other bystanders hurt. If the same thing had happened to someone of normal build, it could have meant sudden death. But the large man soon picked himself up as if nothing had happened. Of course, that was far from true, and he was a bloody mess, bleeding everywhere. But despite his condition, he stumbled to the overturned truck and called out, "You okay?" Petrol was leaking from the truck. The driver was unconscious. The big man pulled the driver from the truck and while casually carrying him over his shoulder, called out to one of the onlookers gathered at the scene, "Call an ambulance." When the ambulance came, they took the big man, too. He had terrible bleeding from all the cuts and grazes, but he hadn't broken any bones. After hearing the mummy man's background story, Kay grew even more intrigued. It wasn't long before this intrigue had grown into a full-blown crush. He became her first love. One day, on an impulse, she went to meet him. When she stood before him, he was even larger than she had imagined. "It was like standing in front of a wall." "I think you're the man I want to marry," she declared without reservations or embarrassment. She said it clearly and directly to the mummy man, the first word she had ever spoken to him. The mummy man looked down at her and for a while said nothing. Then he offered a pragmatic yet not entirely negative reply. "You'll be working in a cafe if you do."
Their three years of dating started then and finally when Kay was 20 and Nagare was 23. They signed the registry books and became husband and wife. Kay went behind the counter and began drying the dishes and putting them away as she always did. The siphon could be heard beginning to gurgle from the kitchen. Kotake continued to look at Kay with concern, but Kazu slipped into the kitchen and Nagare once again started grinding coffee beans with the mill. For some reason, unbeknownst to everyone, the woman in the dress was continuing to stare at Kay. "Oh," Kotake exclaimed just before the sound of breaking glass could be heard. The glass had fallen from Kay's hand. "Sis, are you okay?" Normally so calm and collected under any circumstances, Kazu came rushing out in a panic. "I'm sorry," Kay said, beginning to pick up the broken glass. "Leave it, I'll do it," Kazu said while propping up Kay, who was beginning to buckle at the knees. Nagare said nothing and watched. It was the first time Kotake had seen Kay in such a serious condition. Being a nurse, she dealt with ill people all the time. But seeing her friend looking so unwell shook her to the point of the blood draining from her face. "K darling," she muttered. "Are you okay?" asked Fumiko. It naturally caught Fouseagi's attention as well and he lifted his head. "I'm sorry. I think Kay should go to the hospital," Kotake advised. "No, I'll be okay. Really?" But I really think," Kay shook her head stubbornly, but her chest was heaving as she breathed. Her condition seemed worse than she thought. Nagare said nothing. He just kept looking somberly at his wife. Kay took a deep breath. "I think I had better lie down," she said and staggered towards the back room. She had gathered from Nagat's expression that he was seriously concerned about her condition. "Kazu, look after the cafe, please," Nagare said as he followed her. "Yeah, sure," Kazu replied, standing still as if her mind was elsewhere.
"Coffee, please." "Oh, sorry." Husagi obviously had read the mood and had been biting his tongue waiting to make this request. His prompt for coffee brought Kazu back from her daze. She had been so caught up with Kay, she still hadn't served Fusagi his coffee. The day ended with this heavy mood still lingering.
Since becoming pregnant, whenever she was free, Kay would talk to the baby. At four weeks, it was a bit early to be calling it a baby, but that didn't deter her. In the morning, she would start with, "Good morning." And while calling Nagare Papa, she would set out to explain the events of the day. She found these imaginary conversations with her baby the highlight of any day. "Can you see? It's your papa." "My father?" "Yes, he's huge. Yes, but he doesn't only have a huge body. He has a huge heart as well. He is a very kind, loving papa." "That's good. I can't wait." "Papa and Mama can't wait to see you either, my love." So went these conversations in which, of course, Kay played both roles.
But the sad reality was that Kay's condition was worsening as her pregnancy progressed. At 5 weeks, a sack has formed inside the uterus and inside there is the embryo measuring 1 or 2 mm. This is when the baby's heartbeat becomes detectable. From this point, organs begin to form quickly. Eyes, ears, and mouth develop. The stomach, intestines, lungs, pancreas, cerebral nerves, and aorta are formed. The hands and feet begin to protrude. All this early fetal development was taking a toll on Kay's physical condition. She was also getting hot flushes yet felt like she had a fever. The hormones that her body was producing in order to create the placenta were making her feel lethargic and subject to strong waves of sudden drowsiness. The pregnancy affected her mood which would swing from one extreme to another. She would have periods of anxiety, short bursts of anger, and then feel depressed. There were times when something seemed to taste different from normal. Despite this, however, she never once complained. Conditioned by her regular spells in hospital since childhood, she never complained about her physical ailments. But over the course of the last couple of days, her condition had rapidly grown worse.
2 days earlier, Nagare had taken advantage of a brief moment alone with her primary doctor to demand more information. The doctor had confided in him. "Frankly, your wife's heart may be unable to withstand childbirth. Morning sickness will begin from the sixth week. If she gets a bad bout of morning sickness, she will need to be hospitalized. If she chooses to have the baby, she has to realize that the possibility that both she and her child will survive is very low. Even if she and her baby survive the birth, it would take a tremendous toll on her body. She must understand that it will definitely reduce her lifespan." He added, "Normally, terminations are performed between 6 and 12 weeks. In your wife's case, should she choose to end the pregnancy, it should be done as early as possible." After returning home, Nagare confronted Kay, telling her everything that had been said. After he had finished, Kay simply nodded. "I know," was all she said.
After closing the cafe, Nagara sat alone at the counter. The room was lit only by wall lamps. On the counter, several small paper cranes were lined up made by Nagare from a folded paper napkin. The only sound that could be heard inside the cafe was the ticking of the wall clocks. The only things moving were Nagata's hands. Clang dong. Although the bell rang out, Nagare showed no reaction. He just placed the paper crane he had finished folding on the counter with the rest. Kotake walked into the cafe. She had dropped by on her way home from work because she was worried about Kay. Nagare, who was staring at the paper cranes on the counter, nodded his head slightly. Kotake stood at the cafe's entrance. "How's Kay doing?" she asked. She had found out that she was pregnant early on, but she had never thought it would cause her to deteriorate so rapidly. She looked just as worried as she had earlier that day. Nagatt didn't answer straight away. He took a single napkin and began folding it. "She's managing somehow," he said. Kotake sat down at the counter, leaving a seat between them. Nagare scratched the tip of his nose. "Sorry to cause so much worry," he said, nodding apologetically as he looked over at her. "You don't have to worry about that, but shouldn't she be in hospital?" "I told her she should, but she won't listen." "Yes, but," he finished folding the paper crane and stared at it. "I was against her having the baby," he muttered in a faint voice. If the cafe hadn't been so small and quiet, Kotake wouldn't have heard it. "But nothing will change her mind," he said, looking at Kotake with a slight smile and looking down. He had told Kay that he was against their having the baby, but that was as far as he would go. He could say neither don't have it nor I want you to have it. He couldn't choose between them. Choosing K over the baby or choosing the baby over K. Kotake didn't know what to say. She looked up at the ceiling fan that was rotating gently. "That's tough," she agreed.
Kazu came out from the back room. "Kazu," Kotake whispered. But Kazu averted her gaze from Kotake and looked at Nagare. She wasn't her normal unreadable self. She seemed sad and despondent. "How is she?" Nagare asked. Kazu looked towards the back room. Nagare followed her eyes and saw Kay slowly approaching. Her complexion was still white and she walked a little unsteadily, but she seemed to be in much more control. She walked behind the counter and stood in front of Nagade looking at him, but he didn't look back. Instead, he simply stared at the paper cranes on the counter. As neither Nagada nor Kay spoke, the silence between them grew more awkward by the minute. Kotake felt unable to move. Kazu went into the kitchen and began to make coffee. She placed the filter in the funnel and poured hot water from the kettle into the flask. As everything was so quiet in the cafe, it was easy to tell what she was doing, even though she was out of sight. Soon, the contents of the flask began to boil, and a gurgling sound of hot water ascending the funnel could be heard. After a few minutes, the aroma of fresh coffee filled the cafe. As if roused by the aroma, Nagade looked up. "I'm sorry, Nagate," Kay mumbled. "What for?" Nagare asked, staring at the paper cranes. "I'll get admitted," Kay said, each word to herself as if trying to make peace with something she was still wrestling with. "To be honest, once I go into hospital, I don't imagine I'll ever come home again. It's a decision I have been unable to make." "I see." Nagata clenched his fists tightly. Kay lifted her chin and stared with her large round eyes into space. "But it seems I can't go on like this any longer," she said as her eyes filled with tears. Nagate listened quietly. "There's only so much my body can take." Kay placed her hands on her stomach, which had yet to expand even an inch. "It looks like giving birth to this child will take my all," she said with a knowing smile. It seemed that when it came to her body, she knew better than anyone. That's why Nagare looked at her with his narrow eyes. "Okay," was all that he could reply.
"K darling." This was the first time that Kotake had seen Kay upset like this. As a nurse, she understood the real danger that she faced in attempting to bear a baby with her heart condition. Her body had already become this frail while she was still just approaching the morning sickness phase. If she had chosen not to have the baby, no one would have blamed her. But she had decided to go ahead. "But I'm really scared," Kay muttered in a trembling voice. "I wonder if my child will be happy. Will mama's baby be lonely? Will that make you cry?" She talked to the child as she always did. "I might only be able to have you, my child. Will you forgive me?" She listened, but no answer came. A stream of tears flowed down her cheek. "I'm scared. The thought of not being there for my child is frightening," she said, looking directly at Nagare. "I don't know what I should do. I want my child to be happy. How can such a simple wish be so terribly scary?" She cried. Nagare gave no reply. He just gazed at the paper cranes on the counter.
Flap. The woman in the dress closed her novel. She hadn't finished it. A white bookmark with a red ribbon tied to it was left inserted between the pages. Hearing the book close, Kay looked over at her. The woman in the dress looked back at Kay and just went on staring at her. With her eyes fixed on Kay, the woman in the dress gently blinked just once. Then she smoothly got up from her seat. It was as if that blink had been meant to communicate something. Yet she walked behind Nagare and Kotake and disappeared into the toilet as if she was being drawn inside. Her seat, that seat, was vacant. Kay started walking towards the seat as if something was pulling her there. Then once in front of that seat, the one that can send you to the past, she stood staring at it. "Kazu. Could you make some coffee, please?" She called weakly. Hearing Kay's request, Kazu poked her head from the kitchen and saw her standing next to that seat. She had no idea what was on Kay's mind. Nagare turned round and saw Kay's back. "Oh, come on. You're not serious," he said. Kazu spotted that the woman in the dress was gone and remembered the conversation from earlier that day. Fumiko Kyokawa had asked, "Could you visit the future, too?" Fumiko's wish was simple. She wanted to know whether or not in 3 years Goro had returned from America and they were married. Kazu had said that it could be done, but that no one decided to go because it was pointless. But that was exactly what Kay wanted to do. "Just one look is all I want. Hang on. If I could see for just a moment, that would be enough." "Do you seriously intend on going to the future?" Nagare asked, his tone gruffer than usual. "It's all I can do." "But you don't know if you can meet." "What's the point of going there if you don't meet?" "I understand that. But," Kay looked pleadingly into Nagare's eyes. But Nagare could only produce one word. "No," he said. He turned his back on Kay and withdrew into silence. Nagade had never before stood in the way of Kay doing anything. He respected her insistent and determined personality. He didn't even argue strongly against her decision to put her life on the line to have a child. But he objected to this. He wasn't just concerned with whether or not she would have her child. He thought that if she went into the future and discovered that the child didn't exist, the inner strength that had been sustaining her would be destroyed.
Kay stood before the chair, weak but desperate. She couldn't walk away from her decision. She was not going to retreat from her position in front of that chair. "I need you to decide how many years into the future," Kazu said suddenly. She slid beside her and cleared away the cup that the woman in the dress had been drinking from. "How many years and what month, date, and time?" She asked Kay. She looked directly into Kay's eyes and gave a small nod. "Kazu!" Nagare shouted with all the authority he could muster. But Kazu ignored him and with her trademark cool expression said, "I will remember. I will make sure you can meet." "Kazu sweetheart." Kazu was promising her that she would make sure her child would be there in the cafe at the time that she chose to go to in the future. "So, you don't have to worry," she said. Kay gazed into her eyes and gave a little nod. Kazu had a feeling that the deterioration in K's condition over the past few days wasn't down to the physical changes from the pregnancy alone, but that it had also been caused by the overall stress of the situation. Kay wasn't afraid to die. Her anxiety and sadness stemmed from the thought of not being there to see her child grow up. This weighed heavily on her heart and was sapping her physical strength. As her strength faded, her sense of anxiety grew. Negativity is food for a malady, one might say. Kazu feared that if Kay continued on this course, her condition would continue to weaken as the pregnancy progressed and the lives of both mother and child might be lost. A glimmer of positivity returned to Kay's eyes. "I can meet my child." It was a very, very small hope. Kay turned to look at Nagade sitting at the counter, her eyes locked with his. He was silent for a moment, but with a short sigh, he turned away. "Do as you wish," he said, turning on his stool so that his back was to her. "Thank you," she said to his back. After making sure that Kay was able to slide in between the table and the seat, Kazu took the cup that the woman in the dress had used and disappeared into the kitchen. Kay inhaled deeply, slowly lowered herself into the seat, and closed her eyes. Kotake held her hands together in front of her as if in prayer, while Nagare stared silently at the paper cranes in front of him.
This was the first time Kay had seen Kazu defy Nagare's will. Outside the cafe, Kazu rarely felt comfortable talking with anyone she hadn't met before. She went to Tokyo University of the Arts, but Kay had never seen her with anyone you might describe as a friend. She normally kept to herself. When not in university, she helped out at the cafe. And when that was finished, she retired to her room where she would work on her drawings. Kaz's drawings were hyper-realistic using only pencils. She created works that appeared as true to life as actual photographs. But she could only draw things she could observe herself. Her drawings never depicted the imaginary or the invented. People don't see things and hear things as objectively as they might think. The visual and auditory information that enters the mind is distorted by experiences, thoughts, circumstances, wild fancies, prejudices, preferences, knowledge, awareness, and countless other workings of the mind. Pablo Picasso's sketch of a nude man that he did at age 8 is remarkable. The painting he did at age 14 of a Catholic communion ceremony is very realistic. But later after the shock of his best friend's suicide, he created paintings in shades of blue that became known as the blue period. Then he met a new lover and created the bright and colorful works of the rose period. Influenced by African sculptures, he became part of the cubist movement. Then he turned to a neoclassical style, continued onto surrealism and eventually painted the famous works the weeping women and Gernika. Taken together, these artworks show the world is seen through Picasso's eyes. They are the result of something passing through the filter that is Picasso. Until now, Kazu had never sought to challenge or influence people's opinions or behavior. This was because her own feelings didn't form part of the filter through which she interacted with the world. Whatever happened, she tried not to influence it by keeping herself at a safe distance. That was Kazu's place. It was her way of life. This was how she treated everyone. Her cool disposition when handling customers wishing to go back to the past was her way of saying, "Your reasons for going back to the past are none of my business." But this was different. She had made a promise. She was encouraging Kay to go to the future, and her actions were having a direct influence on Kay's future. It crossed Kay's mind that Kazu must have her reasons for her out-of-character behavior, but those reasons were not immediately apparent.
"Sis," Kay opened her eyes to Kazu's voice. Standing next to the table, Kazu was holding a silver tray upon which was set a white coffee cup and a small silver kettle. "Are you okay?" "Yes, I'm fine." Kay corrected her posture and Kazu quietly placed the coffee cup in front of her. "How many years from now?" She prompted silently with a small tilt of the head. Kay thought for a moment. "I want to make it 10 years on the 27th of August," she declared. When Kazu heard the date, she gave a little smile. "Okay, then," she replied. The 27th of August was Kay's birthday. A date that neither Kazu nor Nagare would forget. "And the time?" "3:00 in the afternoon," Kay replied instantly. "In 10 years from now, on the 27th of August, at 3:00 in the afternoon." "Yes, please," Kay said, smiling. Kazu gave a small nod and gripped the handle of the silver kettle. "Right then," she resumed her normal cool persona. Kay looked over at Nagare. "See you soon," she called, sounding clear-minded. He didn't look back. "Yeah. Okay."
During Kay and Nagare's exchange, Kazu picked up the kettle and held it still above the coffee cup. "Drink the coffee before it goes cold," she whispered. The words sounded throughout the silent cafe. Kay could feel the tension in the room. Kazu began pouring the coffee. A narrow black stream flowed from the small opening of the kettle spout, slowly filling the cup. Kay's gaze was fixed not on the cup but on Kazu. When the coffee had reached the top, Kazu noticed her gaze and smiled warmly as if to say, "I will make sure you will meet." A shimmering plume of steam rose from the full cup of coffee. Kay felt her body shimmering as if it were steam. In a moment, she had become as light as a cloud, and everything around her had begun to flow as if it were in the middle of a film playing on fast forward. Normally, she would have reacted to this by gazing at the passing scenery with the sparkly eyes of a child at an amusement park, but such was her mood right now that her mind was closed even from appreciating such a weird experience. Nagade had put his foot down in opposition, but Kazu had stepped up to give her a chance. Now she was waiting to meet her child. Surrendering to the shimmering dizziness, she brought to mind her own childhood.
Kay's father, Mitinori Matsuzawa, also had a weak heart. He collapsed at work while Kay was in grade three at elementary school. After that, he was frequently in and out of hospital until he departed just one year later. Kay was 9 years old, a naturally sociable child who was always happy and smiling. And yet at the same time, she was sensitive and highly strong. Her father's death left her in a dark place emotionally. She had encountered death for the first time and referred to it as the very dark box. Once you had climbed inside that box, you never got out. Her father was trapped in there, a place where you encountered no one. Awful and lonely. When she thought of her father, her nights were robbed of sleep. Gradually, her smile faded. Her mother, Tomako's reaction to her husband's death, was the opposite of K's. She spent her days with a permanent smile. She had never really had a bright disposition. She and Mitori seemed an unexciting and ordinary married couple. Tomako had cried at the funeral, but after that day, she never showed a miserable face. She smiled far more than she had done before. Kay couldn't understand at all why her mother was always smiling. She asked her, "Why are you so happy when dad is dead? Aren't you sad?" Tomaco, who knew that Kay described death as the very dark box, answered, "Well, if your father could see us from that very dark box, what do you suppose he would be thinking?" With nothing but the kindest of thoughts for Kay's father, Tomaco was trying her best to answer the accusatory question that Kay was asking. "Why are you so happy? Your father didn't go in that box because he wanted to. There was a reason he had to go. If your father could see from his box and see you crying every day, what do you think he would think? I think it would make him sad. You know how much your father loved you. Don't you think it would be painful for him to see the unhappy face of someone he loved. So why don't you smile every day so that your father can smile from his box? Our smiles allow him to smile. Our happiness allows your father to be happy in his box." On hearing this explanation, Kay's eyes welled up with tears. Hugging Kay tightly, Tomako's eyes glistened with the tears that she had kept hidden since the funeral. Next, it'll be my turn to go into the box." Kay understood for the first time how hard it must have been for her father. Her heart tightened at the thought of how devastated he must have been, knowing that his time was up and that he had to leave his family. But by finally taking into account her father's feelings, she also understood more fully the greatness of her mother's words, she realized that only a deep love and understanding of her husband would have allowed her mother to say those things.
After a while, everything around her gradually slowed and settled. She transformed from steam back into bodily form, changing shape back into K. Thanks to Kazu, she had arrived 10 years in the future. The first thing she did was to look around the room carefully. The thick wall pillars and the wooden beam crossing the ceiling were a lustrous dark brown, the color of chestnuts. On the walls were the three large wall clocks. The tan walls were made of earth and plaster with a patina left by more than 100 years. She thought it was wonderful. The dim lighting that colored the entire cafe with a sepia hue, even during the day, gave no sense of time. The retro atmosphere of the cafe had a comforting effect. Above there was a wooden ceiling fan rotating slowly without a sound. There was nothing to tell her that she had arrived 10 years into the future. However, the tear-off calendar next to the cash register showed that it was indeed the 27th of August. And Kazu, Nagare, and Kotake, who had been in the cafe with her until moments ago, were nowhere to be seen. In their place, a man stood behind the counter, staring at her. She was confused to see him. He was wearing a white shirt, black waistcoat, and bow tie, and he had a standard short back and sides hairstyle. It was clear that he worked in the cafe. He was standing behind the counter for one thing, and he didn't appear surprised that Kay had just suddenly appeared in the chair, so he must have known about the special nature of the seat she was sitting in. He did not say anything, just kept staring at Kay. To not engage with the person who had appeared was precisely how a staff member would behave. After a while, the man began squeakily polishing the glass he was holding. He looked as if he was in his late 30s, maybe early 40s. He just looked like a standardish waiter. He didn't have the friendliest of manners, and there was a large burn scar running from above his right eyebrow to his right ear, which gave him a rather intimidating air.
"Um, excuse me." Normally, Kay wasn't the type to worry whether a person was approachable or not. She could begin a conversation with anyone and address them as if they had been friends for years, but at that moment she was feeling a little confused by everything. She spoke to the man as if she was a foreigner struggling with a second language. "Um, where's the manager?" "The manager? The cafe manager? Is he here?" The man behind the counter returned the polished glass to the shelf. "That would be me, I guess," he replied. "What?" "I'm sorry. What is it you are? You're the manager?" "Yes." "Of here." "Yes." "Of this cafe." "Yes." "Really?" "Yep." "That can't be right." Kay leaned back in surprise. The man behind the counter was startled by her response. He stopped what he was doing and came out from behind the counter. "What? What's wrong exactly?" he said, clearly rattled. Perhaps it was the first time someone had reacted in such a way to learning he was the manager. But Kay's expression seemed over the top. Kay was trying hard to make sense of the situation. What had happened during these 10 years. She couldn't work out how this could be.
She had so many questions for the man in front of her. But her thoughts were a jumble and time was of the essence. The coffee would go cold and her decision to come to the future would have been in vain.
She collected herself. She looked up at the man who was peering at her with concern. "I must calm myself. Um, yes. What about the previous manager?"
"Previous manager?"
"You know, really big guy, narrow eyes."
"Oh, Nagare, right?" The man at least knew Nagade.
Kay found herself leaning forward. "Nagare is in Hokkaido right now."
"Hokkaido?"
"Yes." She blinked in amazement. She needed to hear it a second time.
"Huh?"
"Haido. Yes." She began to feel dizzy. It wasn't going as she had planned. Since she had known Nagare, never once had he mentioned anything about Hokkaido.
"But why?"
"Well, that I can't answer," the man said as he rubbed the skin above his right eyebrow. She felt utterly rattled. Nothing was making sense.
"Oh, was it your plan to meet Nagare?" Unaware of Kay's mission, the man had guessed wrongly, but she had lost the will to answer. It was all futile.
She was never very good at thinking about things rationally. She always made her decisions in life guided by intuition. So when faced with a situation like this, she was at a loss to understand what was going on or how it could have happened. She had thought that if she could go to the future, she could meet her child.
As her mood began to sink, the man asked, "Then you came to meet Kazu."
"Aha!" Kay shouted, suddenly seeing new hope. How could she have forgotten? She had focused on asking the man about the manager, but she had forgotten something important. It was Kazu who had encouraged her to go to the future. It was she who had made the promise. It didn't matter if Nagare was in Hokkaido. As long as Kazu was here, there was no problem.
Kay tried to contain her surging excitement. "What about Kazu?" she quickly asked. "What? Kazu? Is Kazu here?" If the man had been standing any closer, Kay probably would have grabbed him by his shirt front. Her intensity compelled him to take a couple of steps back.
"Is she here or not?"
"Um, look." The man averted his gaze, overwhelmed by Kay's quickfire questioning. "The truth is, Kazu is in Hokkaido as well," the man replied carefully.
"That's it, then." The man's reply had completely dashed her hopes. "Oh no, not even Kazu is here."
He looked with concern at Kay. She looked as if her spirit had been totally sapped from her. "Are you all right?" he asked.
Kay looked up at the man with a look that said, "Isn't it perfectly obvious?" But he had no idea about her situation, and so there was nothing she could say. "Yeah, I'm fine," she said dejectedly.
The man tilted his head in confusion and walked back behind the counter. Kay began rubbing her stomach. "I don't know why, but if those two are in Hokkaido, then this child must be with them there, too. It doesn't look like it's going to happen." She dropped her shoulders, slumping despondently.
It was always going to be a gamble. If luck was on her side, they would meet. Kay had known that if meeting people in the future was so easy, then more people would be trying it. For example, if Fumiko Kiokawa and Goro had promised to meet at the cafe in 3 years time, then of course it was possible they would meet. But for this to happen, Goro would have to keep his promise to come. There were many reasons for being unable to keep such a promise. He could try to drive but get stuck in traffic. Or he could decide to walk but get diverted by road works. He might get stopped and ask for directions or lose his way. There might even be a sudden torrential downpour or a natural disaster. He might sleep in or simply mix up the time they were due to meet. In other words, the future is uncertain.
With this in mind, whatever the reason for Nagare and Kazu being in Hokkaido, it fell within the range of things that can happen. Hokkaido was a thousand km away, and it was a shock to hear they had gone so far. But even if they'd only been one train stop away, they would still have been unable to get back to the cafe before the coffee went cold. Suppose when she returned to the present, she conveyed this turn of events. It would not change the fact that they were in Hokkaido. Kay knew the rule. Her luck had run out. It was as simple as that.
After thinking things over, she began to feel more collected. She picked up the cup and took a sip. The coffee was still pretty warm. She could switch moods quickly. Another one of her talents for living happily. Her ups and downs could be extreme, but they never lingered. It was a shame that she couldn't meet her child, but she had no regrets. She had followed her wishes and had managed to travel to the future. She wasn't cross with Kazu or Nagada either. They surely had a good reason. It was inconceivable that they wouldn't have done their best to be there to meet her. "For me, the promise was made just a few minutes ago. Here it is 10 years later. Oh well, it can't be helped. When I go back, I may as well say that we met."
Kay reached out for the sugar pot sitting on the table. Clang dong. Just as she was planning to add sugar to her coffee, the bell rang, and out of habit, she was about to yell, "Hello, welcome." When the man said it before her, Kay bit her lip and looked over to the entrance.
"Oh, it's you," the man called.
"Hi, I'm back," said a girl who looked like she might be in junior high school, 14 or 15 years old. She was wearing summer clothes, a sleeveless white shirt and cropped denim trousers and cord sandals. Her hair was neatly done up in a ponytail fastened with a red hair clip.
Oh, the girl from the other day. Kay recognized her as soon as she saw her face. It was the girl who had come from the future and asked to have their photo taken together. She was wearing winter clothes at the time and had her hair cut short, so she looked a little different, but Kay remembered how she had been struck by those big, sweet eyes.
"So, this is where we meet." Kay nodded in understanding and folded her arms. On that occasion, she had thought it weird to have a visitor she didn't recognize, but now it made sense.
"We had a photo taken together, didn't we?" She said to the girl, but the girl's face showed a puzzled expression.
"I'm sorry. What are you talking about?" She asked tentatively.
Kay realized her error. "Oh, I see. The girl must come after this meeting. Her question obviously wouldn't make any sense in that case."
"Oh, forget I said that. It's nothing," she said, smiling to the girl. But the girl seemed unnerved. She gave a polite little nod and disappeared into the back room.
"Well, that makes me feel better." Kay felt much happier now. She had come to the future only to find Kazu and Nagare gone, and in their place, a man she didn't recognize. She had begun to feel depressed at the prospect of returning home with nothing having turned out as she'd imagined. But that all changed when the girl appeared. She touched her cup to check that it was still warm. "We must become friends before this coffee cools." Thinking this, a hardening feeling of elation filled her chest. An encounter between people 10 years apart.
The girl came back into the cafe. "Oh." She was holding a wine red apron. "That's the apron I used." Kay hadn't forgotten her original aim. But she wasn't the type to stew over things that weren't going to happen. She altered her plan. She would befriend this interesting girl.
The man peered out from the kitchen and glanced at the girl with the apron. "Oh, you don't have to help out today. After all, there's just that one customer." But the girl gave no reply and stood behind the counter. The man didn't seem intent on pressing the issue and withdrew into the kitchen. The girl began to wipe the counter.
"Hey, look this way." Kay was desperately trying to attract the girl's attention by rocking her body left and right, but the girl didn't look up at her once. This did not doubt Kay's enthusiasm. If she's helping here, perhaps that means she is the manager's daughter. Kay considered such possibilities.
Beep boop beep boop beep boop beep boop. The disruptive sound of a phone ringing could be heard from the back room. I've Kay suddenly fought the hardwired response to answer the phone. It may have been 10 years later, but the sound of a phone was unchanged. "Oh, be careful." She almost broke the rule and left the seat. She was able to leave the seat, but if so, would have been forcefully returned to the present.
The man came out from the kitchen calling, "I've got it," and went into the back room to answer the phone. Kay made an exaggerated gesture of wiping her brow and gave a sigh of relief. She heard the man talking. "Yes, hello." "Oh, hi." "Yes, she is." "Oh, right. Okay. Hang on. I'll get her."
The man suddenly came out from the back room. The man brought the phone to Kay. "Phone," he said as he handed Kay the handset.
"For me, it's Nagare." On hearing Nagare's name, she promptly took the phone. "Hello, why are you in Hokkaido? Can you explain to me what's going on?" she said in a voice loud enough to resound throughout the cafe. The man, still not grasping the situation, tilted his head in confusion and returned to the kitchen. The girl showed no response, as if she was oblivious to Kay's loud voice. She simply continued doing what she was doing.
"What's that? There's no time. I'm the one with no time." Even as she was talking, the coffee was cooling. "I can hardly hear you. What?" She was holding the handset to her left ear while plugging her right ear with her other hand. For some reason, there was a terrible racket in the background on the other end of the line, which made it difficult to hear anything.
"What? A school girl?" She continued to get Nagade to repeat what he was saying. "Yes, she's here. The one who visited the cafe about 2 weeks ago. She came from the future to get a photo with me. Yes. Yes. What about her?" She asked, looking at the girl who, while averting her gaze, had stopped what she was doing. "I wonder why she looked so nervous," Kay thought as the conversation continued. It was bothering her, but she had to focus on listening to the important information Nagare was giving her. "Like I told you, I can hardly hear what you're saying. Hey, what? That girl, our daughter."
Just at that moment, the middle wall clock began to chime. Dong dong 10 times. It was then that Kay first realized what the time was. The time she had arrived at in the future was not 3:00 in the afternoon. It was 10:00 in the morning. The smile fell from her face. "Oh, okay. Right," she replied in a weak voice. She hung up and placed the handset on the table. She had been looking forward to speaking to the girl, but now her expression was pale and drawn without any remnants of that bright expectant look that existed just moments before. The girl had stopped what she was doing and also looked completely spooked.
Kay slowly reached out and held the cup to check the temperature of the coffee. It was still warm. There was time left before it was completely cold. She turned and looked at the girl again. "My child." The realization that she was now face to face with her child hit her suddenly. The static had made the phone call difficult to hear, but she had got the gist of it.
"You planned to travel 10 years into the future, but there was some kind of mistake and you traveled 15 years. It seems 10 years 1500 and 15 years 1000 were mixed up. We heard about it when you returned from the future, but right now we are in Hokkaido for unavoidable reasons that I won't go into because there's no time. The girl you see before you is our daughter. You don't have much time left. So just have a good look at our all grown up, fit, and well daughter and go home." After having said all that, Nagare must have been worried about the time Kay had left, and he simply hung up on her.
Having learned that the girl in front of her was her daughter, Kay suddenly had no idea how to talk to her. More than confusion and panic, she felt a strong sense of regret. What she regretted was pretty simple. She was in no doubt that the girl knew she was her mother. But Kay had assumed that the girl was someone else's daughter. The age difference had been too big. Although she didn't pay any attention to it until now, Kay suddenly heard the sound of the ticking hands of the wall clocks. They seemed to be saying, "Tick tock, tick tock. The coffee is going cold." There was indeed no time. But Kay saw in the girl's sullen expression an answer to the question she wanted to ask but hadn't managed to. "Can you forgive me that all I could do was bring you into this world?" And it cast a shadow over her heart. She struggled to think what to say.
"What's your name?" She asked, but without responding to the simple question, the girl bowed her head in silence. Kay interpreted this as further proof that she blamed her. Unable to bear the silence, she also bowed her head.
"Then Miki," the girl offered her name in a small, sad, and weak sounding voice. Kay wanted to ask so much, but from hearing how faint Miki's voice was, she got the impression that she was reluctant to speak to her.
"Mickey. Oh, that's nice." Was all she managed in response. Mickey said nothing. Instead, she looked at Kay as if she didn't like her reaction and rushed towards the back room. At that moment, the man poked his head out from the kitchen. "Mickey, are you okay?" he called. But Miki ignored him and vanished into the back room.
Clang dong. "Hello, welcome." A woman entered the cafe just as the man offered his greeting. She was wearing a short-sleeved white blouse, black trousers, and a wine red apron. She must have been running in the hot sun as she was out of breath and sweating profusely. Ah, Kay recognized her, or at least she was still recognizable. Looking at the panting woman though, Kay got a real sense that 15 years had passed. It was Fumiko Kiokawa, the woman who just earlier that day had asked Kay if she was okay. Fumiko had had a slim build then, but now she was quite round.
Fumiko noticed that Miki wasn't there. "Where is Mickey?" she asked the man. She must have known that Kay was going to come at this time today. She had that sense of urgency. The man was obviously flustered by her tone. "In the back," he answered. He still didn't understand what was going on.
"Why?" she asked as she slapped her hand on the counter.
"What?" he said unapologetically. He started rubbing the scar above his right eyebrow, confused as to why he was being blamed.
"I don't believe this," she sighed, glaring at the man. But she didn't want to waste time on accusations. She was already at fault for being late for such an important event.
"So, you were looking after the cafe?" Kay asked in a weak voice.
"Uh, yeah," Fumiko answered, looking directly at her.
"Did you talk to Miki?" It was a straightforward enough question that Kay felt uncomfortable answering. She just looked down.
"Did you have a proper talk?" Fico pressed.
"Oh, I don't know," Kay mumbled.
"I'll go and call her."
"No, it's okay," Kay said more clearly, halting Fumiko, who was already making her way to the back room.
"Why do you say that?"
"It's enough," Kay said with a struggle. "We saw each other's faces."
"Oh, come on. She didn't seem like she wanted to meet."
"Oh, she does. So," Fiko said, contradicting Kay. "Mickey has really wanted to meet you. She has been looking forward to this day for so long. I just think I must have caused her so much sadness. Of course, there have been times when she's been down."
"I thought as much." Kay reached out for the coffee cup. Fumiko saw her doing it. "So, you're just going to go back and leave things as they are?" she said, realizing she was failing to convince her to stay.
"Could you just tell her that I said I'm sorry?"
At Kay's words, Fumiko's expression turned suddenly grim. "But that's But I don't think you mean that. Do you regret giving birth to Mickey? Can't you see that saying sorry can only mean that it was your mistake to have her?"
"I haven't given birth to her yet. I haven't. But I have no second thoughts about my decision to do so." On seeing Kay clearly shake her head in response, Fumiko said, "Let me call Mickey." Kay couldn't reply. "I'll go and get her." Fumiko didn't wait for Kay to reply. She simply disappeared into the back room, well aware that time was of the essence.
"Hey, Fumiko," said the man as he followed her into the back room. "Oh, what am I to do?" Left alone in the cafe, Kay stared at the coffee in front of her. Fumiko is right, but that just seems to make it more difficult to know what to say.
Then Miki appeared. Fumiko had her hands on her shoulders. Rather than at Kay, Miki's eyes were directed at the floor. "Come on, sweetie. Don't waste this moment," Fumiko said.
"Miki." Kay meant to speak her name out loud, but no voice came.
"Okay then," Fumiko said, lifting her hands from Miki's shoulders. She looked quickly at Kay and then retreated to the back room. Even after Fumiko had gone, Miki continued to look down at the floor in silence.
"I'm going to have to say something." Kay removed her hand from the cup and took a breath. "So, are you well?" She asked.
Mickey lifted her head a little and looked at Kay. "Yes," she said in a quiet, tentative voice.
"You help out here?"
"Yeah." Miki's answers were blunt and monoselabic. Kay was finding it difficult to continue talking.
"Both Nagare and Kazu are in Hokkaido."
"Yeah." Mickey continued to avoid looking at Kay's face. Each time she answered, she spoke a little more softly. There didn't seem to be much she wanted to talk about.
Without giving it much thought, Kay asked, "Why did you stay here?" Oops. Kay regretted asking the question the moment it left her lips. When she realized that she hoped to hear Mickey say that it was so she could meet her, she knew how insensitive such a forthright question must have sounded. She looked down in embarrassment.
But then Mickey spoke. "Well, you see," she began in her soft voice, "I make the coffee for the people in that seat. Make the coffee?"
"Yeah, like Kazu always did. Oh, it's my job now."
"Really?"
"Yeah. But there," the flow of conversation abruptly ended. Miki didn't seem to know what else to say and turned her gaze downwards. Kay was unable to find any words to say next, but there was one thing she wanted to ask. "Bringing you into this world was the only thing that I did for you. Can you forgive me for that?" But how could she expect to receive such forgiveness? She had caused so much sadness. Miki's reaction made Kay feel she had been selfish to come. Finding it increasingly difficult to look at her, Kay looked down at the coffee before her. The surface of the coffee filling the cup was ever so slightly trembling. There was no longer any rising steam. Judging by the temperature of the cup, it would soon be time for her to leave.
"What was it that I came here to do? Was there any point in my coming from the future? It all seems so pointless now. The only thing that has come from it is more suffering for Mickey. When I return to the past, no matter how I try, it won't change Mickey's unhappiness. That cannot be changed. Take Kotake for instance. She returned to the past, but it didn't cure Fusagi. And likewise, Hayi wasn't able to stop her sister from dying. Kotake got to receive her letter while Hi met her sister, who Sagi's illness is still worsening, and Hai will never see her sister again. It's the same for me as well. There is nothing I can do that will change the 15 years that Mickey has spent in sadness." Although she had been granted her wish of visiting the future, she still felt utter despair.
"Well, I can't let the coffee go cold," Kay said as she reached out and took the coffee cup. "Time to go back." But at that moment, she heard footsteps approaching. Miki had walked right up to her. She put the cup back on the table and looked directly at her daughter.
"Miki." Kay didn't know what Miki was thinking, but she couldn't take her eyes away from her face. Miki was standing so close she could touch her. Miki took a deep breath.
"Just before," she said with a trembling voice. "When you said to Fumiko that I didn't want to meet, it's not like that." Kay listened, hanging on every word. "I always thought that if we met, I would want to talk to you. There were so many things that Kay wanted to ask also. But when it actually happened, I didn't know what to say." Kay hadn't known what to say either. She dreaded how Mickey might be feeling. She'd failed to put the thing she wanted to ask into words.
"And yes, there have been times when I have been sad." Kay could well imagine the thought of Miki alone like that was heart-wrenching for her. "I cannot change those sad times of yours. But," Mickey smiled bashfully as she took a little step closer, "I am really glad for the life you gave me." It takes courage to say what has to be said. It no doubt took Mickey all of her courage to express her feelings to the mother she had just met. Her voice wavered with uncertainty, but it conveyed her true feelings. But large teardrops began flowing from Kay's eyes.
"But giving birth to you is the only thing I will ever be able to do for you." Miki also began crying, but using both hands to wipe away the tears, she smiled sweetly. "Mom," she said it in a nervous, excited voice, but Kay heard it clearly. Miki was calling her mom.
"But I haven't given you anything." Kay covered her face with both hands. Her shoulders shuddered as she wept.
"Mom." Hearing her name called again. Kay suddenly remembered. It soon must be time to say goodbye.
"What?" Kay lifted up her face and smiled, reciprocating Miki's feelings. "Thank you," Mickey said with the broadest of smiles. "Thank you for having me. Thank you." She looked at Kay and quickly held up a peace sign. "Mickey, mom." At that moment, Kay's heart sang with happiness. She was the mother of this child. She wasn't just a parent. She was the mother of the girl standing before her. She was unable to stop the tears from gushing.
"I finally understand." The present didn't change for Kotake, but she banned everyone from using her maiden name and changed her attitude towards Fusagi. She would be with Fagi to continue being his wife even though she had vanished from his memory. Hai abandoned her successful bar to rejoin her family. While repairing her relationship with her parents, she was learning the traditional ways of the inn from square one. The present doesn't change. Nothing about Fusagi changed, but Kotake came to enjoy her conversations with him. Hidai had still lost her sister, but the photo she sent to the cafe showed her looking happy with her parents. The present hadn't changed, but those two people had. Both Kotake and Hayi returned to the present with a changed heart.
Kay gently closed her eyes. "I was so absorbed in the things that I couldn't change, I forgot the most important thing. Filling in for her, Fumiko had been by Miki's side for these 15 years. Nagare had been there for Miki as her father, showering her with love, no doubt going some way to make up for her absence. Also filling in for her, Kazu had lavished Mickey with kindness, playing the role of mother and big sister. She realized that there had been all these loving people around Mickey earnestly supporting her growth for the 15 years she had been gone, wishing for her happiness. Thank you for growing up so happily and healthily. Just by growing up so fit and well, you have made me so happy. That's all I want to say to you. This is how I feel deep down."
Mickey. Leaving her flowing tears unwiped, Kay gave her best smile to Mickey. "Thank you for the honor of having you."
Upon Kay's return from the future, her face was a tearful mess, but it was immediately plain to everyone that these were not tears of sadness. Nagare sighed in relief and Kotake burst into tears. But Kazu smiled with such kindness. It was as if she had seen what had happened for herself. "Welcome home," she said.
The next day, Kay checked into hospital. In spring the next year, a healthy, happy baby girl came into this world. The magazine piece on the urban legend had stated at the end of the day whether one returns to the past or travels to the future the present does not change. So it raises the question just what is the point of that chair. But Kazu still goes on believing that no matter what difficulties people face they will always have the strength to overcome them. It just takes heart. And if the chair can change someone's heart, it clearly has its purpose. But with her cool expression, she will just say, "Drink the coffee before it gets cold."
This was an audio production of Before the Coffee Gets Cold by Toshkazu Kawaguchi, read by Arena E. Published by Picador, an imprint of Pan McMillan, a division of McMillan Publishers International Limited. Text copyright, Tosskazu Kawaguchi. Translation copyright Picador 2019. Recording copyright McMillan Publishers. Produced by Strathmore Studios, Clerkenwell London. Directed by Karen Robbins and recorded at the Soundhouse London.