Transcription
How to get a man to chase you: The Seven Steps.
Number one: Stop texting him. But I love texting! Oh, I'm a texaholic. I just love keeping up with him. It's like, you know, it's like we were always next to each other all day, every day, 24/7. It's so amazing. It's not so amazing because after you get your daily dose of phone addiction, what ends up happening is you're actually decreasing his desire to actually pursue you.
There is a difference between texting someone, keeping up with them on social media, messaging them, and actually pursuing them. So when I say, "How to get a man to chase you," I'm not talking about how to get a man to text you more. Because at the end of the day, you're not going to build a relationship or be in a relationship because you guys are two amazing texters. You're not going to get married to the best texter. You're going to get married to the best person, the best human being.
So I say that to say, the only time a man is truly chasing you is when he is pursuing being with you in person. Not pursuing texting you more, not pursuing Snapchatting you more. We'll get into social media apps a little bit later. He is chasing you when he is pursuing going on dates with you and spending real, in-person time with you. Because technology is such an integral part of our relationships nowadays that sometimes we overlook the in-person and we spend so much of our time and attention on the technology because we feel like the technology is a replacement for the real thing, and it will never be a replacement for the real thing. I don't care how much you daydream about it, how nice he sounds over text, how sweet he sounds in the way that he messages you, "Good morning, beautiful," every morning. There is no true human connection being built over text.
I'm not saying you're a bad person because you're a texaholic and you love texting, but I do want you to understand how it is actually sabotaging your ability to have good relationships and more specifically, in this scenario, sabotaging your ability to get guys to chase you. Because a lot of you guys are sitting around wondering, "Hey, you know, yeah, he might text me. Yeah, he might, you know, say that he wants me, but he never asks me out on a date. How do I get him to ask me out on a date?" But you're also making it a lot easier for him to not ask you out on a date.
But if you want to get him to chase you, you need to stop texting him for fun and pleasure. And start using texting as a tool. Texting needs to be a way for him to reach you in order to plan or schedule the next date or hang out with you. That's what the goal of texting should be. If you're really trying to get him to chase you, if you just want friends with benefits, cool, text all the time. If you just want him to be laid-back and never care too much or be too pressed to ask you out on a date, cool, keep texting him. But if you really do want him to chase you, you need to eliminate texting for pleasure and for fun and for, you know, just laid-back vibes. And you only need to be available to him if he's going to do the work of seeing you in person. And then the next step, lower, lower than that, is if he's going to do the work of scheduling a FaceTime or a call with you.
And you need to be utilizing the texting as a tool in order to just make it easy for him to say, "Okay, I'm free, uh, at Wednesday at, you know, 6 p.m. Are you free to hang out then?" Uh, okay, let me check my schedule. Uh, actually, you know, Wednesday at 6 p.m. I got, you know, a dinner with my girlfriend that I was supposed to go to. Okay. Um, actually, okay, I can do Friday at 3 p.m. because I don't work that day. And then you go, "Oh, yeah, no, actually, I don't work on Friday either. We can hang out at Friday at 3 p.m." Or, "Oh, I don't work Friday either. Yeah, you know, we can FaceTime or, you know, we can call at Friday at 3 p.m." Whatever it may be. And then you guys look forward to that. And Friday, 3 p.m. comes, he might check in with you earlier in the day and be like, "Hey, you still good for 3:00 p.m. on Friday?" You say, "Yep, I'm still good for 3:00 p.m. on Friday, right?" And nothing's changed, everything's good. And leading up to that, you might get a couple of check-in texts just to make sure we're still on for Friday. And then Friday at 3:00 p.m. comes, and you guys go out on the date and meet up, and it's all good vibes.
But you shouldn't be spending that entire time, "Hey, good morning. How you doing?" "Oh, I'm doing good. I just woke up." "I just got out of bed." "Oh, okay." Ten minutes later, "What are you doing now?" "Oh, I'm just brushing my teeth." Sends you a picture of his toothpaste. "Oh, what are you doing now?" "Oh, I'm just getting dressed." Send you a picture of his closet. Or you send him a picture of your closet. Like, guys, guys, you need to have some independence where you can live your life. Especially at the beginning, because this process is very pivotal to set the stage for the rest of your relationship. If you set the stage where he doesn't need to put in any effort or work in order to see you or be around you or hear from you, you stop becoming the prize.
I know everyone says, "I'm the prize. I'm the prize. I'm the prize, right?" But you really can shift and maneuver yourself and become the prize. But you actually need to embody that. You can't just say, "I'm the prize," and then be always available. You can't say, "I'm the prize," and then you're always accessible at all times. Okay? That's not how that works. The prize, you have to work for. The prize is not available all the time. The prize, you can't text 24/7. If you want the prize, you're going to have to put in some work. And after you put in some work, if your effort is better than all the other people's effort, then you earn the reward.
And I'm going to talk about this a little bit later about playing into his nature as a man and making and understanding how to reward him properly to keep him chasing you. Because this is an ongoing thing. You can do this with your boyfriend. You can do this with the guy you're talking to. This is even better if you do it right at the beginning because you're setting the stage for the rest of the relationship. But this is something that's ongoing. You can continue having him chase you throughout the relationship. It doesn't have to stop just because you guys become a girlfriend and boyfriend or husband and wife. There's plenty of ways that you can utilize this information in your own relationship and continue putting him on the chase, which you should, because that's his natural state where he wants to be and where he feels the most masculine.
You have to understand these dynamics work since the beginning of time for a reason. So the state that you'll put him in when he is chasing the right way and when you are rewarding him the right way for his efforts will make him feel more masculine. Because I'm sure also the guys are going to come into the relationship or the situationship or the talking stage with the idea that they're used to being in these relationships with people where it starts off texting heavy. You're actually going to have to do the job of not texting him purposely, whether you're busy or not, whether you see his text or not, you don't text him purposely. And then when he asks you, "Hey, you never text me back?" or "You take so long to text me back, how come? Are you always busy and this and that, right?" You tell him, "No, I actually love speaking to you, but I'm a very in-person type of person, type of girl. I'm a very phone call or FaceTime type of girl." You don't have to tell him, "You got to call me," or "You got to take me out on a date." Just tell him, "I actually enjoy talking to you and speaking to you, but I'm so much better at the in-person and the phone calls and the Facetimes because they're a much better connection for me."
And then you allow him the space to be a man, to feel like a man, where he goes, "Oh, I've got a great idea. Since you're a phone call type of girly, why don't we get on a phone call tomorrow night?" And you'll be like, "Gee, I didn't even think of that. I guess I am free tomorrow night." And you just let him be a man. Just let him feel like, "Oh, I took control of the situation. I identified what she wanted, and I gave her what she wanted. I'm a man." Cut out the texting. He's going to address it if he's interested in you. And then when he addresses it, you don't have to never text him back, but just let it be a little bit slow, a lot slower than you regularly would. And don't make it so where you're trying to have deep conversation with him over text.
And then when he asks, right, or he mentions it, because sometimes guys will mention it indirectly, you can just literally be like, "No, I do enjoy talking to you." Because sometimes what's going to happen is if you stop texting him, the guys are going to get a little bit confused. And there will be a small window of time where he thinks that you're uninterested in him, which is why you're not texting him. And he'll probably bring it up if he's truly interested in you. He'll bring it up, whether directly or indirectly. Then you can address it, which I, you better address it, that you are interested in him. You would just rather have a phone call or a FaceTime or a date. That's a better way for you to feel like you're connecting with him.
Number two: Use apps wisely. Look me in my eyes. Stay off of Snapchat. We're going to discuss all the apps, but Snapchat is one of the worst ones because it's one of the ones that plagues the younger generation. It is a virus that needs to end. I'm telling you this for your own benefit. You are wasting a lot of your time on Snapchat doing nothing. And I'm saying this as someone like, I actually don't think, "Oh, I'm like an old man who's never, I don't know anything about how social media works, so I just talk out of my butt hole and I've never actually tried it or experienced." I have used Snapchat lots. Okay? It is wasting your time.
Snapchat is a very, just like texting, is a very low-quality form of communication. And it's hindering your ability to get these guys to chase you because you and the guy feel like you're building an ongoing conversation and connection. "Oh, I Snapchat you every single day. We keep a streak for 14, 15, 35, 85, 95, 365 days. We got a Snapchat streak for 600 days." But what are you really talking about over Snapchat? You ain't talking about nothing serious. You ain't talking about nothing deep. You ain't having no heart-to-hearts. You're Snapchatting the side of your face, the ceiling, your bed, your dog, your cat. And you're saying three to four words maximum. I told you, I know what I know how people use Snapchat. You think I thought I was playing with you? You're not doing it to hold a real conversation. You're doing it just to do something. One, that's a waste of your time. You could be doing a lot better things with your time and energy.
Number two, in the process of you building these relationships with these guys, what you're going to do is you're going to trick yourself out of getting a date out of that man. Because when you combine the texting with the Snapchat, you're going to both feel like, "Oh, we're, I'm hearing from you every second of the day. I'll text you, and then I'll get a Snapchat from you, and then I'll respond to you on Snapchat. By the time I respond to you on Snapchat, I got another text from you. By the time I text you again, I got another Snapchat from you." And we're talking every single day, every second of the day. We're building such a deep connection. No, you're not. No, you're not. No, you're not. That's still a stranger. That is still a stranger because you ain't talking about nothing. You ain't discussing nothing. You don't know nothing about that person. You just got a Snapchat streak with them, okay?
And I also know this because I know a lot of you. You see, I know, I know what you do. I'm not an old man that doesn't know how things work, okay? I know what you guys do because I've been there. This is why I say I don't, I'm not no psychologist or no therapist that I read a bunch of books and I tell you how to go about and I talk to you about relationships from what I read in a thesis or what I read in a textbook, okay? I'm talking about the real stuff that we really do do. I know how you use Snapchat and I know how you go about it. And I know that you're keeping Snapchat streaks with people that you don't even see or hang out with. And I'm not even talking about in relationships. I'm talking about even friends. I know that you Snapchat people that you don't even see, talk to, or plan on seeing in the near future. And you keep a streak with them. I might not be a psychologist and have read a bunch of theses and published a bunch of papers, but I know how the real people are living their real lives because I'm a real person.
So Instagram. I understand the new thing now, everyone, you just send them memes, right? You just want to send them Reels, send them funny pictures, funny posts, right? Instagram, not so much a place where people are holding too much of conversation. You want to send each other memes. And then also the really popular thing, you want to reply to each other's stories. So if you, if you go somewhere, I see you out and this and that, I'm going to reply to your story. We'll talk a little bit. And then vice versa, when I post something interesting, I add you to my close friends. You're going to reply to my story. We're going to have these short, you know, conversations about whatever it is we're doing at that moment. And that's mostly what the Instagram DM is going to be and consist of if you're trying to get a guy to chase you. Also a waste of your time.
Except, except, except if you are using it as a tactic and a strategy to just remind him how desirable you are. Listen to me. This is why I say use the apps wisely. Be smart with it, though. When I say present yourself as more desirable, I don't mean posting yourself naked on Instagram, okay? That's not what I'm talking about. You don't have to be half-dressed. You don't got to be wearing booty shorts. But if you know, "Hey, this weekend I'm going to go out with the girlies. We're going to go out for a nice dinner." And you have the guy on your close friends or on your, um, Instagram that you know you're trying to, you know, you, you, you want, he's kind of interested in you, you guys have been talking a little bit. Post yourself going out with your nice dress that you got on, you got all done up, you were looking nice, going out for your dinner. Post it on Instagram. You don't have to post it as a main post. You could post it on your story or post it on your close friends if you don't like, if you don't like to be super out there. Let him see that you're desirable. Let him see that you're interesting. Let him see that you have a life. You can even post yourself at the gym, or you can post yourself doing something that you find interesting, maybe painting, maybe art, maybe writing, whatever it may be. And you can use the app wisely just to show him you have interest, just to show him you have a life, just to show him that, you know, like you, you have a nice, interesting personality. Don't get into trying to have deep conversations on on Instagram, okay? That's not what I'm saying. But you can use the app wisely to just generate more interest. And if he responds to your stories, just just just like him. Don't go to or say thank you. Don't go too crazy trying to have a whole conversation. Just let him compliment you, acknowledge the compliment, and move on. Don't be trying to have a whole conversation with him over Instagram or anything like that.
That same thing that I just said about Instagram can apply to whatever platform that you and the guy spend the most time on. So if you guys spend the most time on WhatsApp, update your WhatsApp story, maybe just show yourself going out somewhere nice and looking good. If it's on Instagram, do it on Instagram. If it's on Snapchat, I already have a bias against the guys who are heavy on Snapchat, but sure, you can do it on Snapchat too, just don't be having no com tons of conversation on Snapchat, okay? The whole point of using the apps wisely in this way is you just want to allow him the ability to see you. When he sees you on his timeline, it's just a good, you know, little nudge reminder, "Hey, she is, she, she is fine. Oh, yeah, she, she does look good, right?" And it will remind him how much he does actually want. If you're doing the texting, not texting him, right, it will, it will remind him how much he wants to see you in person and how much he wants to schedule the next meet-up with you in person or over the phone or, you know, FaceTime.
Number three: Figure out what brings you happiness. You need to be doing things for yourself that make you happy. I didn't say you need to be doing things that you only enjoy if you got a boy around. I didn't say you should be doing the things that, uh, only make the boy happy. I didn't say you should be doing things that make you a more interesting girlfriend. I said you need to be doing things for yourself that make you happy outside of a relationship. You're probably wondering, "How does this at all relate to getting a man to chase me?" I'll tell you how. Okay? As you begin to develop your own internal happiness, you will no longer need that externally from someone else or something else. That is good. Because what happens is your energy changes. The energy that you project outwardly is that of someone who is whole. This is very important. You guys need to be listening to this very closely. Because when you figure out what brings you happiness as an individual and you do that and you work towards that, whatever it may be, you become whole. And as you become whole, you become more confident. As you become more confident, you become more attractive. Nobody on this Earth is attracted to someone who is desperate and needy. There is nobody, whether you're a man or a woman or whatever you identify as, there is nobody that is attracted to someone who is desperate or needy. Because all they'll see is someone who is desperate or needy, and they will not respect you. Even if they're with you and they feel that you're desperate and needy, they will not respect you. And if they don't respect you, they'll take advantage of you and they'll use you, okay? Because they don't have respect for you.
So finding, figuring out what brings you happiness is so important because it allows, it allows you to be whole, so that you can be confident, so that you can be attractive to people that they would even want to chase you in the first place, okay? This, and this is like really important. This is one of the first things you should be doing. I should have put this number one because if you're not doing this, then you're not going to be able to have the proper confidence in yourself when you go out into the world, into the dating world, right? And in these relationships, the guys will sense that, whether or not they're emotionally intelligent or not, they're going to sense that. And once they sense that you don't have confidence within yourself, you're not whole, you're desperate, you're needy, they'll be like, "Oh, no need for me to chase after this girl. She doesn't even believe that she's worth chasing." It's a mindset. Because in order for the guy to want to chase you, he also has to have the belief that you think you're worth even being chased after.
If you truly sit down and you don't believe, "Oh, I'm not as pretty as these other girls. I don't got a dump truck like these other girls. No, I get why the why the guys chase after these IG models. I'm nothing like the IG models. Why would a guy ever like me?" So shall it be. We talk about spirituality and manifestation and the Law of Attraction all the time. When you don't have that confidence within yourself, you will believe that you're not worth being chased after. You'll truly believe that. And so what's going to happen? The guys won't chase after you. The way you'll talk will say that, the way you walk will say that, the way you act, the way you approach life will say that you don't think you're deserving of him even chasing after you. You don't think you're on the same level as the other woman. And so he won't.
Finding your happiness is really figuring out what you feel your purpose is and figuring out what you feel you're passionate about as well. And your passion doesn't have to be, "Oh, I want world hunger." Okay? It doesn't have to be that large. You can just be like, "You know what? I'm super passionate about painting. I'm super passionate about art. I'm super passionate about writing. I'm super passionate about yoga." Whatever it may be. That's your thing that you enjoy. Like literally, like you enjoy it. You don't need a bunch of friends to be with you for you to do it. You don't need a bunch of, you know, stimulants to do it. You don't need to be drunk to do it. You don't need to be high to do it. You don't need a boy to be with you in order to do it. You just do it because it brings you your your own internal happiness. And when you do that over and over again, you begin to make yourself whole where you don't need someone else to feel happy. You don't need someone else to feel good about yourself.
The aspect of wanting guys to want you, ironically, your number one focus if you want guys to want you should be on yourself. Because the guys only want the girls that are focused on themselves. I know it's like Inception, it like doesn't make sense, it's super contradictory, but it's the truth. Think about it. Think about it logically. Your man that you're trying to get to take you out on a date, what is he doing? He's liking IG models' pictures that he's never even met before. For some of you guys, for some of you sad, sad, sad, sad, sad women, the guy that you like is messaging IG models and only fans girls and not even getting a response. I, it's tragic, truly, it's tragic, truly. I feel bad for you and I don't want this life for you. The guy that you're begging for attention is messaging IG models and only fans girls and not getting a single response. What do you think those IG models are doing? They're investing all their time and energy into themselves. And in the process of investing all their time and energy into themselves, figuring out what they want, doing whatever they want, the guys come chasing after them.
You, on the other hand, you who is focused on, "I want a boy to like me. Which boy is going to like me? I'm so desperate for a boy to like me. Can you please like me? Please love me? Please? Can you? No? Why are you running away? Please love me. Can you love me? I just, I need someone to love me. Why doesn't nobody love me?" And the guys go, "Yeah, you know, on on second thought, no. Yeah, I'm just, um, I'm going to go do, I'm going to go do something else. I'm going to go subscribe to my favorite IG model's only fans." Because you're desperate and you're needy and you want so badly for him to love you that what happens? You begin projecting that energy out. As you begin projecting that energy out because you're so desperate for him to love you, it becomes unattractive to him. And what does he do? He chases after the girls who are not desperate and needy for his attention. Actually, he chases after the girls who barely notice him. So the act, the true magic trick is pouring more into yourself. Because then he'll focus more of his attention on you. It's crazy. Makes no sense, but trust me, if you've ever tried it or seen it work, you know that it's true.
Number four: Validate yourself. Don't seek it. You need to put that energy into yourself that you are looking for. If you want princess treatment, treat yourself like a princess. I'm a man saying this, so I know it sounds weird. As a man, I know what it feels like to be inspired to give a girl princess treatment. I'm telling you, your best bet to get a man to be inspired to give you princess treatment, you need to treat yourself like a princess. Because what will happen is you will come to the table and the relationship with that expectation. You will project princess energy. I know it sounds heie-geie and hippie when I start talking about energy and spirituality. You will project princess energy. Just follow, just stay along with me. You'll project princess energy, which will also make the guy say, "Yeah, she, she's a princess. She doesn't deserve to be treated anything less than a princess." Trust me, like the guys, guys are not idiots. Okay? They might be a little bit emotionally, a lot bit emotionally stunted, they're not idiots though. They can still feel things in their soul. And the reason I say that is they know who they can do certain treat certain ways and still get access to them. They also know who they can not treat certain ways and still get access to them. They understand that there's levels to this. And the girls that don't feel like they deserve nothing, those are the girls you can use and take advantage of. And I'm a guy telling you this, so trust me, it's true. The girls, the girls who don't have no self-esteem, the girls who don't believe they're worth nothing or believe they're less than, they, they are not the same level as these other prettier girls. Those are girls that get taken advantage of. Those are the girls that get manipulated and used and played. And after we finish playing with you, after we finish getting all this access to your, you know, doing whatever we want with you, you know what we do? And we're to be in a relationship, we kick you to the curb and we go find our dream girl because it's not you. You're too desperate and needy.
Validate yourself. Make yourself good. Feel good about you. That way, you're not out here looking for a man to validate you. Because the moment you start becoming the girl that's seeking the validation from the man, "I want all the men to like me. Can please ever? I want to be the most likable person ever." The people who try the hardest to be the most likable end up being liked by no one. Because I told you, nobody likes a desperate, needy person, right? Be yourself. Sit in some silence and think about what you want for yourself. Not what other people want for you. Not who other people want you to be. Not how other people want you to talk or act or move. What do you want for yourself? Do that. And there will be people attracted to you who are like-minded. And the people who aren't in line with what you do and what you're about will be repelled from you. And that's okay. Not everyone's supposed to like you.
You see how you guys come to me and you sit here and you listen to me for hours, yap, yap, yap, yap, yap, yap, yap, my mouth off, okay? That's because you like how I talk. You enjoy my personality. If I was a different person, you might not sit here for hours and listen to me and talk, right? It's a function of whether or not who I am aligns with who you are or who you want to be. Our ideals and our morals and our values are similar. And so you align with me, which is why you listen to me, which is why we're all here, okay? Because we align with each other. I don't like how Thompson talks. I want to go listen to Shir. I'm going to go listen to Shir. Sprinkle, sprinkle. I don't like how Thompson talks. I want to go listen to Wizard The Wizard Liz. I go listen to the Wizard Liz. I'm just saying that to give you an example of how you be you and the people that align with you will align with you for who you are. And the people who don't align with you will not align with you. And that's fine. You're not meant. If I try to, if I try to say here, I want to be like Shir, but I also want to be like KB, but I also want to be like, uh, the Wizard Liz, but I also want to be like this person, I want to be like that person and be like that person, you guys would be like, "I don't really, there's nothing particular about you that I really enjoy or like because you're a different person every day. You're always trying to be everyone else."
Some of you guys are like, "Oh, I want so badly for this one boy to like me. And if he doesn't like me, then my life is over." Because that, that, that stems from insecurity. You're so scared of the abandonment. You're so scared that, "Oh, I need, I'll do anything for him to like me." You need to do stuff for you to like you first. If you don't like you first, you're not good with you first, then you have a bigger problem.
Number five: Treat yourself as the reward. He's the rabbit, and you're dangling a carrot in front of him. And just as he gets close, just as he works for it a little bit more and a little bit more, you go like this, and you dangle the carrot back a little bit. And he's like, "Oh, man, I almost had it." And he comes a little bit. He comes a little bit. And you pull the carrot back again, right? And he comes a little bit. You pull the carrot back again, right? And he always feels like he's just there, he's just going to grab the carrot, but he never quite gets it. In the process of that, as you're dangling the carrot, you strategically leave carrot crumbs so he can get just a little bit of a taste of it. You, you, so you pull it back and then you drop a little carrot crumb. He's go, "Oh, that tastes so good. I want more of the carrot. I wanted so badly. I just had a little bit. I worked so hard." And then he moves and he moves and he moves. And then, here he goes again. "Oh, God, there's a little crumb. All the time. Taste. Oh, God, I just want the carrot so bad." And you just, "I almost had it that time."
You also don't want to have the carrot too close that he actually feels like he's gotten it and there's no more work to do. Because then what does he do? He eats the carrot and then he lays on his back and he falls asleep, um, and gets the itis because he's full now and he's had everything that there is to have. You just wanted everything that you embody. You want to embody someone that not just he wants, but other people want as well. You don't have to be so overt and obnoxious with it, right? You don't got to be like, "Oh my God, this guy DM'd me today. This guy did this to me. This guy, this guy tried to kiss me today." Whatever it may be. You can even just allow him to see that. So, for example, let's say there's a guy you like and you guys are at a party or whatever together, and you, you see that there's another guy eyeing you down and he comes over to have a conversation with you while the guy that you're interested in is watching. Have a conversation with that with the guy and allow the guy you're interested in to see that other guys desire you. You don't got to put your hands on him. You don't got to let him feel up on you or anything crazy like that. But it's always good and healthy to let men see that you're desired, not just by him, but by other people as well. And you're overall a desirable person. It's always good.
Number six: Play into his nature. You really need to let go of the idea of trying to turn men into what you want them to be. Remember how I just gave you guys the example of if I was a man and I was sitting here complaining about, "Why do the girls want all the rich men and why don't they want me if I'm not a rich man?" Waste of my time. Because at the end of the day, it's not going to change whether or not you're attracted to the rich men who have more resources or more attracted to them. I'm better off focusing my energy on what you're actually attracted to and becoming that so that I can pick whichever girl I want. The same thing for you. You need to focus on, okay, playing into the nature of what men want, understanding that, embodying that, becoming that, and you will get to pick any man that you want.
And this is why I say don't get it confused when I say be what men want and think I mean that you should make your entire life about a man. Remember I said that? When you become what men want, you actually are going to be investing in yourself more. Play into the nature that the men want what they can't have. And there's a level of desire that they have when you're something that's very valuable and they have to work to chase after it and get it. Remember how I talked about earlier, hunters and gatherers, and how, you know, when we were cavemen, they would go out, get the deer, bring it back. The leaders of the group would be the best hunters or the best fighters, the most capable. We're hardwired to be rewarded for our hard work. So the guys that are motivated, have goals and directions, will also be motivated to get you if you set it up properly. Which is why I also talked to you guys earlier about, you stop texting him, get, stop all of these apps and stuff like that. Allow him to be motivated to be like, "I want that girl. I'm going to get that girl." Trust me, guys feel that way about girls still, where they meet a girl or they see a girl, whatever it may be, and they're like, "I want that girl. There's no one that's going to stop me. If I got to get rich first, I'm going to get rich. I want that girl." Because the men feel the most masculine when they work hard for something and they get rewarded for it.
I know it sounds so basic and so just regular. You're kind of like, "Cool, like, this is information I already knew." But are you really practicing it? Are you really allowing the men to feel masculine by being rewarded for their hard work? Or are you just giving them things away without any work put in? Text them, you Snapchat them all day, all this low-quality conversation. He calls you at 2 a.m., "Hey, can I, can you come over to my place at 2 a.m.?" "Sure, I'll come over to your place at 2 a.m. I'll pay for my own Uber too." You go over to his place at 2 a.m., he rams himself inside you for 2 minutes, and then, uh, you call your Uber home. Some guys have no motivation to work hard for anything. Let those guys live. Don't put your time and attention into those guys, okay? Some guys don't want to, uh, uh, do what it needs to be done to get a girl or to get you. Maybe, maybe there's, they don't have enough interest in you to chase after you. Sure, let those guys go. Don't focus your energy on those guys.
And number seven: Make him feel like he's winning, but not by much. I talked about it earlier with the dangling the carrot, and you just leave a couple of crumbs just for him to eat up. The chase is a chase for a reason. You can only chase if you never, never quite get it. This is why I always tell you guys, the last thing on your mind should be giving away your, you know, until you can verify that this guy is serious and truly is invested in in this relationship for the long term and for the right reasons, which that takes time, that takes time, that takes time. You should not be giving away anything to him because you don't need to. You truly don't need to. You can, you can get him chasing you without giving anything away to him. And even what you do give to him can just be simply access to you.
You have to understand when you start, this is why they all work together. When you start treating yourself as the reward and the access to you as the reward, where he has to schedule his, his time and his day and his month or and his work and all that good stuff to so that he can have time to see you, you become the reward, right? You like being with you becomes the reward, not your, you know. You can't be the reward if he always has access to you. So naturally, if if you're accessible 24/7, you're always available, you're, you're a texaholic, you're a Snapchat aholic, he doesn't even have to leave his house to ever see you or talk to you or speak to you. He doesn't even have to call you on the phone or face or schedule a FaceTime with you. You're just always available all day, every day, in very low-quality forms. Well, you, you can't be the reward anymore. So then what's the reward? Your, you know. But see, you're so desperate, you haven't figured out what your happiness is, you don't validate yourself, you don't even know how to validate yourself because you spend so much thinking about time about, you know, getting a guy to love you that you give yourself away to him hoping that you'll keep him by giving yourself away to him the first time you meet him. And then he says to himself, "Yeah, you know, that was the only reward that I was even seeking." And so now that I've gotten that reward on basically the first day, I'm kind of good. Yeah, you're cute, but I don't think you're cute enough for me to be in a relationship with you.
Because you have to understand too, obviously, there will come a point where you give him full access to you. But you also have to understand, there is a different psychological effect, obviously, I'm not a psychologist, but there's a different psychological effect to getting something that you've desired and wanted for a long time and have worked so hard for versus getting that same thing when you put no effort into it. How many of you have, um, I don't know how many of you guys work out in the chat, but how many of you guys have worked out, like done a really hard workout and eaten a really good meal after a really good workout? And when you eat that meal, you're just like, "Oh my God, this is so good. This tastes so much better than I originally remember it tasting. This is, I think I'm, you almost want to start crying." You want to start crying because you're like, "This, when did this food become this amazing?" And even it's food that you've had before. But because you had such a good, hard, intense workout, when you eat it, you're just like, "This is literally, this is an orgasm. Like, this is amazing. I can't believe this food is this good. How can someone make this like this?"
But when you eat that same food at the beginning of your day or before you even do anything, yeah, it's still good, but it's not over-the-top amazing. It's not life-changing like it was when you worked so hard to get it. That's why I say it's not really about the reward. Like, it's not about you being, "Oh, these girls get picked because they're so much better than me. They're so much prettier. The dump truck's so much bigger, and I'll never have a dump truck like that. So the girl, the guys will never chase after me or want me like they want them." No, because it's not about that. It's about how hard you make them work to get to that point. And they will still value you. They'll actually value you so much more because of how hard they worked to get to that point. You think if a guy just, be for real here, you think if a guy went on two dates with you a week for one whole year without ever getting the chance to smash your, you know, do you really think by the time he finally gets it, that he's just going to be like, "Oh, I finally got it. It's whatever now," and just never going to speak to you again? The chances of him, never, never, but the chances of him ghosting you after working one year for that, is a lot less likely. He put in one year of his life, working consistently for that, he would be a fool to say after a year of my life, whatever. The effect is exponential. The more time he spends invested chasing after you, when he finally does get you, the more rewarding it is. It also makes it the more likely that he'll, he's here for the right reasons. Because guys like chasing, but they really like chasing when they're there for the long haul. And the guys that are trying to play you are not trying to do too much chasing.