Transcription
I'm so excited to see you [Applause] tonight. First [Music] baby, first day. I can't wait. First day. Hello everybody and welcome back to another episode of First Date. My guest today is a comedian; he's super funny, he's an impressionist. You can get tickets to see him at KyleDunAgain.com. Give it up for Kyle Dunigan.
Oh, thank you.
Welcome to the show.
Thank you. I have closed-off arms, but I don't, I don't feel that way. I just—are you cold? Cold women like it when a man's cold, a lot, right? I don't know. Is that like a sign to cuddle? No, it's usually—you have to pretend you're not cold all the time if you're a guy, to be manly. Yeah, you can't say you're cold on a date.
I never even thought about that. I guess that would be a weird, little low-key turnoff. If you weren't cold and you're the guy, and you're walking and he said he was cold, you'd be like, "Damn, you're a little [ __ ] ass [ __ ]."
Yeah, yeah, exactly. I always pretend I'm warm. Even sometimes I'll physically be shivering; I'll just say that I'm not cold. Yeah, just to be like, really cool.
Let's go ahead and get into some appetizer questions. When was the last time you went on a date?
Recently, I actually have gone on a lot of dates, um, recently. Why is there—are you—I is—what's the end goal? I think I, I, I do want like a—I do want to stop dating. Like, you want to find the one, or you just want to stop dating?
Both. Yeah. I think it's just, uh, I'd like a longer term. I haven't had a long-term relationship in a while, and I think that's nice. Dating's okay, but uh, yeah, you're just in the beginning—you're always—for me, I'm presenting someone that I'm not. You have to pretend you do stuff in the beginning. You do, you know what I mean? You plan dates. You go like, "Hey, let's go bowling," or whatever. Like, "Hey, there's this wine tasting." Then after a month, you have to go, "Oh, that guy doesn't exist. I like to stay home." And yeah, so it's really just like pretending I'm a guy who does stuff in the beginning. Little exhausting.
It's weird. I—you can't be the guy that likes to stay home, because then it just seems like you just want to hook up. Yeah, but really I just don't go out that—I don't like to go out that much. I mean, you know, like, like doing stand-up, you go—your—your go-out energy is taken care of for me anyway. So I don't want to go out and dance or do any of that stuff.
I would never go out and dance.
No, no. Even when you were younger?
I don't like large groups of people.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I like lounges, and I like cocktail bars. Jazz, maybe piano. Light—be honest, I like that. Like that's some form of entertainment. It's all like a kind of certain person that like wants to get around that kind of energy. Yeah, so you can relate to everyone around you. A nightclub—that, to me—when I see in New York, there's just long lines in the cold, and I look at that like, they don't realize they're doing a mating ritual. The women are all peacocking up, all presenting, and the men are looking hard, you know, and they don't realize that they're doing that whole subconscious mating ritual. That's what I think is happening, 'cause why would you want to do that?
I don't do lines of coke. Oh, of—no, anymore.
Yeah, good for you.
Both good. Thank you. Um, lines of people—if there's a line—no, I don't stand in lines for food. No, for fun. I don't like lines. Yeah, I don't like to look at the back of someone's bald [ __ ] head. No. I'll leave a bank even if I need money—just walk out. Figure I'll make it somewhere else. There's no—lin—hate lines. I hate lines. You know what gets me, which I can't explain this to people, but just, you know, it's at the airport, and I don't want to pick up all my stuff and move eight inches every person. So I just stand there, and the rage I feel from the people behind me, and then someone be like, "Line moved," but we all—all right, if I don't go, and this line moves a big chunk where I can then just walk with my stuff for a little while, we get there at the same time. Yeah, but everyone behind you looks at you like you're sleeping at the wheel. Yeah, but they don't get that I'm doing us all a favor—we don't have to like pick up our stuff every 30—yeah, every 10 seconds.
I get that. I'm right about this, right? I, I can see where you're coming from. I, I do. I will stand in line at theme parks. Yeah, but I hate it, and then the ride is—this better be good after like an hour, and—and then it's over in 30 seconds. I usually try to get like a fast pass. I hate those people with a fast pass; they just cut the line. Oh, it's—that's my—I'm all about—that's like—that's paying, so you're not waiting in line—to be VIP.
Well, usually, oddly enough, I've never even had a fast track because they've always been sold out.
Uh-huh.
Yeah, you know, it's—people figured it out. Yeah, the—the last time there was a FastPass situation that happened, I felt like I was in the Mafia. So I was at uh, this place called Schlitterbahn, which is here, and it's a theme park—it's a water theme park in the summer—[ __ ] bomb. And it says theme park—Schlitterbahn.
Oh, Schlitter—the L's important.
Yeah. And uh, I went to get a FastPass—they were all sold out, but there was a lifeguard nearby who was—who like had a FastPass that I could buy off the lifeguard.
Mhm.
And he—would you pay for that?
I didn't. Oh, 'cause it was like $260. Oh, and I was like, I'm not going to pay $260. No, for your FastPass that you're literally keeping captive when it should be 55. But he—what do you mean it—that's what you think it should be worth?
Well, that's how much they were.
Oh, he—I got you. He was selling his.
Yeah. So I guess the lifeguards got like three—
Uh-huh.
Fast passes. Yeah, they probably don't bring in a lot of money—they got to, you know—
Yeah. So they were like—they were out. Now you got me crossing my arms; I'm just—I'm just—I'm grumpy. This guy [ __ ] made—be—yeah, I was bad. I was like, this guy trying to scam me.
You never got it?
No. So I've never had a fast pass, but I would get one if I could. I think people are on to the—people love getting a fast pass, and now at the airport, the fast pass—clear—is now getting as long as the other lines. Yeah, 'cause people are on to it. Well, the thing to do is get Clear and TSA, so because if you get Clear, you can hop the line of TSA.
Oh, okay.
And then you never have to take off your shoes or take your laptop out. I got to figure that out. Clear, TSA, flights coming up. There you go.
What are we talking about? The express lane on the toll road?
Ah, yes, yes. That's kind of like a fast pass.
Mhm.
There's the toll road, and then there's—
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway, so you've been going on lots of dates?
I—yeah, I don't need my menu yet. I have other questions. So you've been going on lot of dat—that's cool. It's part of the theme. Yeah, that's cool. Okay, go ahead. Uh, lots of dates. What's been the best date?
Hm. The best date? What did you—fake—having trouble? Oh, I had a good date. We—we got like a tree—we got a Christmas tree, and then decorated and got firewood, and I figured out my fireplace worked. There was a fire. I've been there a year; there was a fire and a tree. You know, it was nice.
Where do you live?
Somewhere in New York—in uh, Park Slope in Brooklyn.
I feel like having a fireplace in New York is special. I feel like I maybe shouldn't have done it; like I don't know if it's legal. It works—really—no one died, but it seems like you shouldn't be allowed to like burn a fire in a giant apartment building.
Yeah, that is a little nerve-wracking. What's the worst date you've been on?
Uh, I've had a bunch. Uh, what's popping into my head? Oh, and I have a question for you about this—this is going to sound sexist, I'm worried, but I really think this—so okay, so I'm out, and I pay—I have no problem paying. I know women—they spend more money to go on the date—the hair, everything. So like, I think that we're playing those roles. I pay; I'm fine with it. But there's an exception—like this woman came out, and she didn't really—whatever—get at all—whatever—doed up—her—which is fine, but then she had full armpit hair. Oh, and then she ordered food and take-home—she ordered an extra thing for her to take home, and I'm paying for her. She ordered—hold on—she ordered extra food to go. Yeah, for her kid—for home. Here's my—my problem with it—if we're doing the gender thing and I'm the guy, you have to do the girl thing and shave your armpits.
That's fair.
It is, right? Yeah, I think it's fair. Yeah. Anyway, it feels sexist to say that out loud, but I, I do think that—I don't—I don't know. I don't think it's sexist, first of all. I, I think it's [ __ ] weird that she would order extra food for her kid to go, and this is a first date. First—okay, that's like too much. I, I have an amendment—if I was in France, the armpit hair is okay. Do you know what I mean?
Yeah, 'cause they have armpit hair in France, right, don't they?
I've never been there, but I—some—maybe some people do. Oh, it's not like—it's sort of like uh, some—with a tattoo—to ratio—with woman with armpit hair—it's like seeing someone in a trailer park has a [ __ ] stamp. That's armpit hair—that's French armpit—armpit hair.
Yeah, yeah.
All right. I don't know—armpit hair to me, it just isn't my vibe.
No, it really—uh, it's superficial, but it is a turnoff.
It is a turnoff. Yeah, I have to agree with you there. Anyway, that was a pretty bad date. Another one popped into my head. She contacted me on—on Facebook, and uh, there was no—um, there was like old pictures of her, but she just asked me out, and I was like, okay. I wasn't doing—so I picked her up, and there's nothing wrong with a few extra pounds, but she had to turn sideways to get out of her door. Like, the woman who came to my car was like totally different—not the person in the photos. Yeah, and then she said that the uh, Isis—she—on the Isis hit list, so she had to stay indoors for two years, and she ate a lot, and she couldn't be an actress, and I think I was like, I don't think you're in danger of Isis, and she's like, well, my name—and her name was similar to someone else's name. Anyway, she wanted to go look at the Christmas lights, and then um, we went to that, and she just kept—I kept having to pull over because she needed to vomit. She was um, nauseous, so she would stop, and then she'd drool out of the car, and then she started cleaning her—like rubbing her feet—like no socks on—like no, just like her raw feet.
Anyway, we're in love, you know?
I would think that if you feel threatened by ISIS and you feel like a target, you would not want to be a large target.
Exactly. Maybe she's using that as like a shield of some sort.
Mhm. Uh, protective layer. She could be a shield that you could stand behind.
Yes. I did worry that maybe I'm—I'm in danger for a minute. I'm like, if you're—yeah. But she sounds like the kind of person that you don't want to kidnap—like she sounds like the kind of person you want to get rid of.
Yeah, just a—yeah, drooling and the—the vomiting. Yeah, and stuff. That wasn't—those were—those are my two worst ones, though. Generally they're good, you know? They're—yeah.
Can I give you a helpful tip?
Oh, no. Okay, don't—don't tell anyone you're on Facebook.
Oh, it's not a good look, is it? Okay, why? 'Cause it dates you—only—isn't everybody on Facebook?
No. Oh, no. Oh, no. Yeah, that's—that's—can we edit that out of this episode?
No, absolutely not. This is a learning curve for everybody listening.
Oh, man. All right, you can be on Facebook. I don't—I don't really go on it. Is that good? Yeah, I don't go on it. I just—the fact that you even said you had one—well, I'm going to definitely delete that today if I get around to it. That's like a—an older generation thing.
Yeah. Okay. Do you—you know what I'm saying? But I mean, I got to be older generation, you know what I mean?
Yeah, but you want to be like the cool older generation.
I'll delete it. Okay, I'll announce that I'm deleting it. You know, people who announce they're deleting their thing—their social media—
Yeah, yeah.
All right—as like a way to re—you're the first person I've heard say that. I'm helping you out. Yeah. Someone else told me, don't put a period at the end of your text sentences, which I found insane. Really? Like, when you text—at the end, you don't put a period, because it looks aggressive.
It does. That's what a younger person told me—young AG.
I like punctuation. Yeah, I don't get it, but I don't do it anymore—at the end. I just let it fly. Seems to be working. Um, so you're an impressionist. What are some of your favorite impressions?
Um, I do Bill Maher, and um, I like doing him because he doesn't like it, which I like.
Oh, he loves—he hates that you—
Yeah, yeah. He went on Joe Rogan and said it—it sucked, and I don't know—he just doesn't like it. Um, I did like Caitlyn Jenner a lot when that was going on, and uh, Biden, and uh, yeah, I, I do like RFK and like Elon Musk—stuff like that. I never thought of myself—when I was younger, I did impressions of teachers and stuff, and then I did stand-up, and I never did them, and then online there was like this face thing you could put on, and I was like, oh yeah, I, I do impressions—like it reminded me—I do impressions. So I started doing that, and um, that's kind of uh, what helped my like social media stuff. So I did that.
Have you ever done an impression on a date as a way to like—
Oh, one girl did ask me—I did like her, and I just did—do it. I did it. And how did—but I never like to do it because it just feels too set up. It—it was weird because it wasn't like—like we were making out—it wasn't like we were just sitting around—it was like she wanted to hear it—like I think—turn on. Yeah, I think she wasn't turned on, and she needed someone else there. Which one was it? Which person did you—
It was Trump.
Oh, really? Yeah. Daddy issues for sure. That's amazing. Yeah, Trump impressions are my favorite—everyone—so many people can do him now—better than me. I did him years ago when he was on The Apprentice. I did like—I just like—but um, I don't do it—people do it way better than me now.
Yeah, they figured him out. It's so fun. I think doing—I think Trump impressions are my favorite. Yeah, 'cause they're just—he's got so many—many hilarious things that he said.
I know. He's like a cartoon.
He is a cartoon. So when people portray him, it's just like—it's really, really fun.
Yeah. I feel like Trump even does an impersonation of himself now.
Oh, yeah. Like he's get—he's catching on—like he knows—he knows how he sounds and stuff, and so like, even he makes fun of himself.
Yeah, and he posts his dance, too. Yeah, which um, that's a good sign if someone can like make fun of themselves.
Yeah. How about some main course questions? So let's see here. Do you get jealous easily?
I used to. You know what really cured it? I had this thought that, oh, if she cheats on me, that's going to be gross to me, and I'll like her less, and so it'll be easier to get over. Does that make sense?
But did that work?
It does work a little bit. If—if a jealous thing pops to my head, I think that—I'm like, oh, that would be so gross—you'd be so—a gross person if she did that, and then it like makes me not as jealous. Yeah, but when I—my first girlfriend—I was jealous—she got really je—like her just talking to her friend—like be like, "What is this about? Why are you talking to anybody else? You should just sit there till I'm ready to talk to you."
Yeah, are you—you're—you're not jealous—jealous—you know—pregnancy made me a little jealous at times.
Was that a hormone thing?
I think so. Ooh, that's probably a natural thing—like you can't have the man leave, 'cause then how will you get the Buffalo for the kid?
That's right—and the—fto—weird. There was some weird moments that I had, 'cause I'm really not a jealous person. I'm like very trusting, and I feel like if someone chooses to go a different direction, I'm like, I do not want to stand in your way.
Yeah, yeah. Go ahead and go.
Yep. But there was some—some hormone in me where like I would just be wondering like, is he where he says he is? Like—just—do you ever track—
No, 'cause you can track people now—phone.
Oh, that's so—no. My mother's like trying to track me—I won't turn it on. She—going to turn on my track—Facebook thing. Hey football fans, there's only a few short weeks left in the season, and we've got some exciting wild card games to look forward to. Now get in on the action right now with my partners, DraftKings Sportsbook. They are offering all new customers $200 in bonus bets instantly after betting just $5. Don't let this slip away. Download the DraftKings app now and sign up using code First Date. The crown is yours. Love the thrill of live betting? DraftKings has got you covered. Bet live on in-progress games right as they happen, making watching the game that much more exciting. If sports betting is not yet available in your state, don't worry, you can still join in on all the fun with DraftKings daily fantasy and have the shot to win cash prizes. Download the DraftKings Sportsbook app now. New customers use my promo code First Date and bet just $5 on any wager and get $200 in bonus bets instantly. That's promo code First Date only at DraftKings Sportsbook. Gambling problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER. In New York, call 877-8-HOPEY or text HOPEY to 467-369. In Connecticut, help is available for problem gambling. Call 888-789-7777 or visit ccpg.org. Please play responsibly on behalf of Boot Hill Casino and Resort in Kansas. 21 and over, age and eligibility varies by jurisdiction, void in Ontario. Bonus bets expire 168 hours after issuance. For additional terms and responsible gaming resources, see dk.com/audio.
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Uh, so let's say that you meet—on one of these dates—the next one you meet—like your soulmate—first of all, I don't believe in a soulmate. Is that going to bother you?
Oh, no, it's not going to bother me. I don't believe in a soulmate.
What do you believe in? I mean, like, just so many people find people—they're like—like they just find people—
You believe you have one person for you?
No, no, no. There's multiple people—there's—you just pick one. Yeah, you just put people on an island, and they'll be like, "That's my soul," but it could be any group of people. I think it's uh—I don't—I don't even think we have souls—that's how far I go. I don't even think that's a thing. You know what I mean? What—what do you think we have inside of us?
Nothing. We are like—um, we're animals, and we're all—there's no magic—here's—I don't know. Okay, I don't know, but I definitely don't think there needs to be anything other than, you know, we're biological, you know, creatures.
M—do you believe in energy?
Oh, yeah. Energy is for sure a thing.
Yeah. Okay. What type of energy? Talk about those—psychic energy, or—
No, like even like the energy of uh, like a space, or like people—like I mean, there—there definitely is energy coming off us, and we have energy in our—you know—um, bodies generate—we take food and we break it down—we make it into energy—like that kind of energy, or you're talking about something else?
I mean, like—like uh, like energy—sometimes energy—like—like ghosts. Do you believe in ghosts?
No. Ghosts aren't—that's not a thing. Ghosts—like when you die—I think there's—there's a lot of evidence that's it. Plus—okay, there's like a lot of evidence that that's it—once you die.
Oh—oh, I mean, even if you just get amnesia and some blood is taken out of your head for just a little bit, you'll forget who you are—what—what you need to do—your family is like—take all the blood out, and then you're like going around—you know what I mean? Also, ghosts come in, and then they'll like flicker lights, or they'll move—they'll do like that—they're not even—you know what I mean?
Yeah. I mean, that's—why would—if you're a ghost, you can move things—why would you be like—well, I've never seen anything move, but I've heard things—but even that's like—what kind of go—what kind of decisions are they making? Like, they're flickering—flickering the lights—like that's just—they turn on—like, "Oh, someone's in here," and they turn off—and they're just—do you know what I mean? Like, what are they doing? Being suspicious—it's just like—if they could do something—which you're saying they can—why are they doing such like—knocking on a thing or doing this—and it's probably something else, right?
Could be—I don't know. Here's the thing—I do think—I don't have all the answers for sure. I think we could be living in a simulation—um, we would never know it. I, I'm very aware that there's so much I don't know—it upsets me—about what's going on.
Yeah, it's bizarre being a human being. I mean, we're just like the first primates who know we're going to die, and we're not even here very long, and it's just—of course we're on pills and—and religious, you know, 'cause it's crazy to just be plopped into a dying vessel.
I should get back on Facebook—write a blog—I know—um—anyway—uh, afterlife—goes—I believe there's things we can't see. I don't think you die and do anything else. I don't think like your spirit doesn't live on. Yeah, because that spir—where is it? When you have amnesia—you know what I mean? Like you—you have a spirit when you're alive—when you die, it suddenly remembers your family—it doesn't make sense to me—like the evidence is like—it's like when you were not born yet—is—is what it's like—which is just—so we talk about it—sounds depressing, but I think it's—it's just makes almost being here more alive.
Cuz, like, this is it, you know what I mean? Wasn't expecting that. What a turn. Feeling alive, yeah. Like uh, like um, when someone's dying, they're like more present, cuz like this, they feel that like this is it. And I think having an afterlife is like, there's a better thing coming, you know what I mean? You're kind of--it's like if you have one piece of pizza, it's better than like I got a whole--that piece is better than I have a whole pizza coming, cuz you just have that piece.
I disagree. How so? I've never been wrong. So be careful. That is called toxic masculinity.
I know I'm a toxic masculine person. No, I'm just kidding. Go ahead. What is it? I'd rather eat a whole pizza than just a slice. But, but savoring this--you're really hungry and you just only have one piece, you savor that because you know this is it.
No, there's like, there was this restaurant one time that I went to, and their motto was, "Eat less, taste more."
Mhm. I didn't go there. Well, then you don't know. Because I'm not into--I'm not interested in eating less and tasting more. That's--people say that less is more. Less isn't more; less is less, more is more. In, in a sense, you're right. But, but imagine yourself in the desert. New scenario. And you just have like one sip of water.
No. Yes. No. Well, I don't want to imagine that. Well, then you can't be involved. That sounds awful. It is awful. But you'd be like, you know, you'd really savor that water. And that's what I'm talking about--life, where if it--there's other stuff and there's a better thing, then you're just like, yeah, this. But if you're like, "This is it," wakes you up. That's what I think.
When you go on a date with a girl, do you guys have talk--this deep conversations like this? No. I know not to do that. I've learned to just keep my mouth shut. I ask them questions. I do the whole thing, like I know to do that. But I, I don't know. I, I lived in LA for a while, and boy, they didn't really--they weren't interested in asking me questions really at all. I went with a girl, and she picked the restaurant--like most expensive restaurant in Los Angeles.
Mhm. And um, an hour and a half, I'm like, this girl hasn't asked me one question about myself. So annoying. Yeah. To the point where she goes, "I love Portland. Portland is my favorite town." And I had just been in Portland. I go, "I was in Portland two days ago." Where it's uncomfortable not to go, "Oh really? What a followup." She just like stared at me and then breezed by that. And then it became like, how long before she ever asked me? And I sat there like, like half hour. That, to me, is a terrible date.
Three months. No, you're kidding. That, to me, is terrible on a date. It was, it was, yeah. Yes, it's not good. I've dated someone actually who didn't really know anything about me as a fascinating person. She, she was interesting cuz she was so bizarre.
She ever date someone who's a contrarian, like everything you say they just disagree? No. Oh, it's just an awful trait. It's just--I think I've met someone like that. Yeah. You go like, "Oh, it's rainy out." "No, it's drizzling." Anyway, she has other good qualities, but that was one of the things I was like, uh, yeah, it's hard to get over that.
What is your guilty pleasure? I mean, ice cream and like pizza. I guess pizzas come up a lot. Um, but like only one scoop of ice cream and one--I have like an eating disorder. I have a--um, I don't give into it, but I, I'm a very big fat person.
You're not. Well, I, I'm working on it. But I want, I want to eat, and I think about food a lot, and I really like it. Do you drink alcohol? Not very much. I do on dates, actually. If I feel like what will--doctor it up. Um, like a vodka soda or like a, a seltzer and vodka, something clear, just for headache reasons.
Do you get drunk easily? Yes. Two drinks and I am stupid. You said, are you more fun? I don't think so. I think I am dumber. Dumber. Yeah, like I'll ask the same question like I just asked that. I'm, I'm like two--two drinks, I feel like I really am affected by that. What's your biggest vice? My liver broke. Um, my biggest vice, I mean, it switches, but lately I'm watching a lot of financial videos. Fin--a lot of financial videos.
Yes. And I, for hours. I like on how to manage money. Yeah, yeah. Like I'm interest--I have a lot of interests and hobbies that move around. And for some reason, I get focused on different things. And uh, it sounds boring, but what I like to do is, is uh, try to find businesses that are that, that people are wrong about, you know, like with buying stocks. It's--you have to buy something that everyone says, "Don't buy that." If you really want to make money, you have to like get something that everyone's wrong about, or most people wrong about. And then that's when you strike. Anyway, it's like a game, trying to find out what's--what people are wrong about with that stuff.
So you're into financial videos? Yeah, right now. They're wrong about Celsius right now. So it's a good thing to invest in. I mean, don't take my advice, but yeah. Cuz Pepsi over-ordered, and so they, they had a really bad quarter, and they're gonna have a bad next two quarters probably. But it, it's going to come back around by next summer. It'll be, it'll be um, doing well. Pepsi has recently bought one of my favorite brands. All right, 20 questions. I don't know. Um, it means they're going to ruin it. Is it a--okay, wait a minute. Does it like Red Bull? Siete chips, like the brand Siete? Never heard of it. Okay, it's an Austin-based brand. Okay. And they use like really amazing ingredients in like chips and tortillas and taco shells. It's like a Mexican--real healthy ingredients. It's like olive oil and avocado oils, not canola oil. They're going to change that.
Well, Pepsi bought them out, so you think they will? I'm sure they will because they're going to want--they're going to, they're going to want to make more money. I just realized I didn't look at myself in the mirror. Is, is there something on my face? No. Why? I just didn't--never looked in the mirror today. Would you guys tell me? I would tell you. Okay. Do I have something on my face? No. No. But that is always when someone asks, I always think they saw something on me and they thought about thems--no, you know? And someone like, no, starts fixing their hair. Oh, and looking at your hair, you're like, my hair is messed up. Anyway, I hope they don't ruin your company.
I'm sorry about that. Thank you. I'm going to ask you some this or that questions. It's my tasting menu. Okay. Should put like a music bed under this, like a some J-pop music just under the--I don't even know what J-pop music is. Is that a Facebook thing? It's just a little kind of--it is kind of, yeah. All right, go ahead. Let me see. I'm g to start from the bottom here. Sunglasses or hats? For what occasion? The sun. For the sun. If you go outside, it's sunny. Big hat. No, you're lying. You're lying. Like a gardener hat. You're lying. Burrito or a bowl? Equ--am I walking? Can burrito? Sitting. Sitting. Bowl. Sitting. Bowl. Walking. Burrito. I've never even thought about this. Would you want to walk with a bowl? It's insane. That wasn't even an option. It was--you go to a restaurant, you sit down, you've never seen a taco--there's a taco truck right outside my, my house where I live, and I would never get a bowl there. But in a restaurant, bowl. Mustard or ketchup? I mean, you're killing me here. Ham. Yeah, mustard. Do you prefer--are these all trick questions? I mean, you're making them trick questions. Do you prefer a rainy day or a sunny day? Sunny. There's a--that's an easy one. Who says rainy? Some people really love a rainy day. Is an insane person. I mean, in terms of every now and then, maybe. But you're asking like in general, yeah. Which one? And if someone--it'd be like Seattle or LA. It's like the monsters would say a rainy day. No. Make you me. Yeah. Okay. Do you like card games? Yes. Do you like board games? I play way too--I played--I got very into poker. I get very into things. I got very into poker, which was a waste of time.
What makes you get into these things? I think I don't know. I mean, when I always was like this, like I used to fly a kite when I was younger till I peed my pants. I just--I do things like way too long and way too focused on it. Is that like a disorder? I don't know. But I like it. And if it is, I don't want to change it. Like I learned how--like I can--I learned how to play like instruments, music stuff from that quickly--quicker I think than if I just didn't, you know, focus. So I like it. But I definitely think I'd be--I think I'd be more uh, successful if I focus on one thing. I think it does hurt me, like I'm supposed to be a comedian, but I haven't written standup, and I just--I've been like working on other things. So what do you do? Do you just get up and wing it? Or um, well, I have like ideas of stuff, they're just not--I mean, right now, things are not flushed out, you know what I mean? They're just ideas that um, that need some focus.
Do you prefer cake or pie? Ice cream cake, but not ice--but not cake. Pie. It goes ice cream, cake, pie, cake. So you like ice cream with cake? Ice cream cake. What's an ice cream cake? It's a cake that's all ice cream. It's ice cream--ice cream. Where do you get ice cream cake? I can't believe you never heard of an ice cream cake. I don't know what ice cream Carvel--uh, no, Carvel or--I don't know what that is. Menchie's. I don't know what that is. Is this not like an Austin thing? No. I don't know what ice cream cake--oh my God! It's like every kid's birthday party has an ice cream cake. They don't have cake anymore. You're Facebooking right now, hard. Is there cake in this ice cream? M--so how is it even cake? It's just a block of ice cream in the shape of a cake. Yeah, yeah. It is. There's some like, you know, Oreo crumbs in there and um, you know, "Happy Birthday Bobby" on the top. But it's basically a cake. It's ice cream. Yeah. I, I can promise you I've never had cake with ice cream in it like that. Wow. I would know. If I go to a party, a birthday party and it's not ice cream cake, it's weird. It's like, "Oh, you guys got cake?" How does it not melt? You got to, you got to time the whole thing pretty--it's, it's pretty intense. But uh, you got to keep in the freezer until you're ready to eat it pretty much.
Sounds great. That sounds like sarcasm, but it is great. It is not sarcasm. I am a pregnant lady. Okay. Get an ice cream cake. That's okay. I'm trying not to eat sugar. Yeah. I mean, that's the one thing everyone agrees on is sugar is really bad. Yeah. And it seems like they're never going back. It seems like you can just eat--here's a diet that will never be wrong: If you put something in your mouth and you feel joy, spit it out. You can't have that. If you put your mouth and it's disgusting, you can eat as much as you want to. That, that's called the Atkins diet. Yeah. It's like everything delicious is terrible for you. It's weird. Yeah. Why would it be set up like that? Like that um, it's rude. Like we should crave--yeah, we should crave kale, but it's disgusting. Yeah. There's got to be some evolutionary reason for that, like way back--you, you get through a winter better if you ate a lot of sugar, something. Yeah. You put fat on you, you know. Anyway. Well, speaking of sweets, mhm, what is the sweetest thing you've ever done for someone? Oh, jeez. Do you consider yourself romantic? You know, sometimes. But I do pull back because I feel like you got to time that. So I take it you're not a love bomber? No. Early on, uh, no. I think when I was younger, I was a little bit, bit, and I learned not to do that. I had a girl a flower way too early once, and I was like, oh, don't do that. Yeah. She'll fall in love. No, she didn't. It was like, no, turn off. Oh, really? Yeah. I probably learned the wrong thing because yeah, I think I, I uh, should love bomb a little more, but not, not too much. Sweetest thing I've done [Music] h geez, this is really bad. I can't think of one thing that you've done. I can't think--I'm sure I've done something nice. Have you like done a surprise for anyone? Have you cooked for someone? Oh, yeah. Gifts. Yeah, gifts. Yep. I'm trying to think of a specific gift, you know, like necklaces or whatever, something like that. What about traveling? Have you invited someone to travel with you? Yeah. I've done like road trips and some weekend getaways. Yeah. Would you consider those sweet? I didn't think of that, but I, I guess, yeah. I've had like taken girls on trips. Um, what is the longest relationship you've ever had? About four years. It's a pretty long time. Yeah. What happened? I moved to LA. She didn't want to go with you? No, she did, but I didn't want to uh, like get married. It felt like that was going to be it. Step--it was like we'd have to big step. Um, um, yeah. Was that a long time ago? Yeah, yeah. Do you feel like you want to get married in the future? I do like the idea that, yeah, during the day I really love my life and I'm like, wow, I--this is great. And then at night I'm like, "Where's my family?" You know what I mean? It's like during the day I never like--I wish there was a kid here, but then, yeah, it's like--like I'm two people. At night, at night I'm like, "Tomorrow you really need to get it together." Done again. Get, get your life together. And then during the day I'm, I'm enjoying myself and, you know, I see friends and stuff. And you get used to that. It's hard to give that up. But I think I'm, I think I should um, settle down. I think I, I think it's healthy to do that. Yeah. There's something about the nighttime that makes you very lonely when you're single though. Yeah. There's--I've gone through waves of like feeling lonely, but then I also--the compromise, you--it's just, where do you compromise? And um, I, I, I'm not--I don't want to compromise too much where it's like, I don't want my life to be worse. Yeah, you know what I mean? Yeah. Although my bar is pretty low when I go on dates, like it's pretty low. And uh, you know what I mean? Yeah. I don't think I'm that picky. But had some--yeah, h with a girl. Yeah. Anyway, anyway, you went out with a girl and--no, no. Allor--right. I thought--yeah. Okay. Feeling very vulnerable right now. Well, then I guess it's a great time to end it. Yes. You have to go. You have a Zoom call. I do. And I have a nap. I wish we could switch roles. I'd rather take the nap. I would love to take your Zoom call. Well, no, you wouldn't. Um, great meeting you. We've never met before. I know. I'd love to have you back. I'd love to come back. I'd like to do this--this mothership is a great gig. Yeah. Do it, do it every year. You should. It's great club. Um, all right. Well, thank you for having me. Did um, where can people find you? Kyle dunagain.com. I'm got a tour coming up. And what's your Facebook handle? I think it's just KY [Laughter] Kylean one on Instagram. Yeah. Um, all right. Look at OB blue p a half hour. I apologize. You learned about ice cream cake. I learned about how we don't have souls, mostly. Here's a--let me just put a button on that. I don't know, but I don't think it's--I, I think it's something--I think what we don't know is something else. I think you know more about cryptocurrency. I know a lot about it, actually. That's actually something I've been very intrigued about because it is nothing but money to me. Fascinates me. I mean, like the dollar's backed by our country. We make a lot of money. And then gold is a thing, but like crypto, like Bitcoin, is just code. I, I don't know. It's--sometimes I'm like, "You got to invest in this." Sometimes like, "This is absolute Ponzi scheme." And that's why it's interesting though. Yeah. Thank you for coming on. I like that I ended the most boring--the thing that bored you the most. All right, thank you. It didn't bore me the most. Oh, was that the thing? Um, all right, talk to you later. Check out Lauren. Where can they find you? You can find me at I am Lauren Compton on every platform. All right. Thanks for being here. Come back. Thank you. I will. Okay. You can--the exit is around that camera. I'll just go--I'll just walk around. Yeah. Okay. Cool. Well, just if you'll let everyone know that this was a great episode and it's a great episode. Check it out. You can find it all over YouTube, Instagram, X. It's called uh, it's called "First Day with Lauren Compton." And then we thank them all for watching and we tell them we--thank you. Thank you guys so much for watching and we'll--and we'll be back next week with--we don't--we don't do that. We just say, "See you next time." See you next time. And avoid those red flags, girls. We go out with like the talk--like pretend--oh, the pretend talk. Okay. Yeah. Okay. First bab--are you really drinking a glass of milk with dinner? First, you told your mom about me. Delete my number. Your parents are your roommates. Understand.