Transcription
[Music] If I'm in an argument with someone and they're calling me out for doing something I clearly didn't do, I'll wait because they get diffused. We want them to get that out first.
Any argument like this, I want to establish, do we both want the same thing from this discussion? Winning an argument doesn't mean you're right before or right after. What is the ideal outcome for both of us?
Same thing in a relationship. If anything started spinning out of control, the first thing I'm going to think is I'm going to hear what's not being said. So, if my wife was saying, "You don't even need to call me. You don't call me anyway when you're on these business trips," do you think she is worried that her phone isn't ringing or she's worried that she's not being appreciated and not feeling loved?
Men especially will tend to say, "Let's open these facts really quick. Pull your phone out. I'm going to show you some missed calls right now." It's not about the calls. I need to hear what's underneath the statements that someone is saying. What's the emotion that's starting here? Is it anger? Is it loneliness? I need to understand what the emotion is behind what someone's saying and address that and never address exactly what people are saying.