Transcription
What are the seven most common female narcissistic traits? And I think this is a really important video to discuss so we can get into it, explore it. Because most people when they hear narcissism or narcissistic traits, they attribute it to males. But there are specific aspects of females that exhibit narcissistic traits, but often we're surprised by it. So maybe you'll be surprised by some of the stuff I'm going to talk about in this video. So let's talk about female narcissists.
Now, you may wonder if you're a female narcissist or if you're living with one. Now, let me help you out. And I'm going to provide some information for you to help you understand how to figure this out. Now, of course, this is not a clinical disorder. Female narcissist is not a clinical disorder. So we don't want to diagnose someone else or even ourselves. Now, we're going to talk about narcissism, narcissistic personality disorder, and traits associated with it. But the point of this video is not for you to diagnose yourself, okay? But it's for you to build insight. Diagnosis should only be derived from a mental health professional. All right.
Now that we got that out of the way, narcissism is a personality disorder that has been the subject of many studies, discussions, breakups, estranged families, and so on. Movies, all kinds of stuff. However, when it comes to female narcissism, the topic is often overlooked or misunderstood. The impact of female narcissism on relationships, particularly on finances and fidelity, is a crucial area that I think deserves more attention. And that's why we're going to dive into it.
Now, narcissistic women tend to display an exaggerated sense of self-importance, entitlement, and a lack of empathy. Now, these traits can lead to a host of problems in relationships, including infidelity, financial abuse, and manipulation. So we're going to explore the impact of female narcissism on relationships, and I'm going to provide insights into how to identify and cope with such behavior when you see this stuff. So grab a cup of coffee and join me as we dive right into the world of female narcissism and its impact on relationships.
Now, there might be periods throughout this video where you're like, "Wait, that's the same as men." That's true. But the illustration in the presentation that we see in females that have narcissism or narcissistic personality disorder is different. And that's what we're focusing on. So let's break down those seven narcissistic traits.
First, we're going to talk about appearance. Now, most females tend to be obsessed with their appearance, sometimes resulting in numerous plastic surgeries. Now, female narcissists are good at marketing herself, being the most charming person in the room, right? And you can't take that away from her because she craves attention. If you try to get in between her need for attention and recognition of that appearance, that's where you could cause a narcissistic wound. That's where she could push back. That's where she could become aggressive. That's where she could start making fun of you in front of other people, perhaps people she just met. Remember that the disorder part of narcissism, that narcissistic personality disorder, is when you don't get along with folks, when it's disruptive to relationships. So if you have your your narcissistic female and she's in a group of folks, right, she's impressing them with her new outfit and how she looks, and they're all like, "Wow, she really has it together." And you show up and you're just, you know, coming along, seeing everybody's chit-chatting about things like that. And as you come up, you are dressed, let's say, in an even nicer suit, or you get the same attention that the female narcissist just did, right? And you have this nice pant suit on, or you got this nice suit on, you got the nice jacket, dress shirt, blouse, I don't know, whatever it is, right? And then the group turns and says, "Oh, that's nice. That's nice." You're taking away her spotlight. And you have to pay for that because that could become the narcissistic wound. That could be that problematic component. And that's why appearance is so central to the female narcissist, that they need to be recognized. And that the plastic surgeries, you don't see that in men as much. You don't see as many plastic surgeries in males with narcissistic personality disorder as you do in females. I'm not saying it doesn't happen for males, but it's different for females. And there's also this tendency of jealousy, this intense jealousy that you'll see in narcissistic females that are often associated or highly connected to their appearance. So we see that they certainly want to be recognized for their appearance, right? They want that attention to what they're wearing, and their makeup, and their hair, and all this other stuff. And when they don't get it, then they get jealous. Remember, you just walked up to that group of other females, right, who noticed what you're wearing, and now she's jealous of you. And that could be part of what incurred the narcissistic wound. So now she has to make you pay for it. And she can embarrass you in front of others, or make you cry, or point out something that might be awkward about you, even if it's not. She may still point it out to shame you, make you feel small. So appearance.
So let's go on to our next one, seduction. Now, your female narcissists use their bodies to allure a mate. Now, this can sometimes be seen in provocative clothing, but it's different from histrionic personality disorder. Your histrionic personality or individuals, they're continually wearing inappropriate, revealing clothing. Whereas a narcissist does it selectively for a specific person or to accomplish a goal. So it's almost like they're trying to hit this target, right? They're trying to identify this individual. And a narcissist, whether male or female, usually will identify others of high value. That could be monetary, it could be attractiveness, it could be access to particular resources, or clubs, or bars, or cars, or whatever it is, some status level. And they'll use that seduction on that identified object of high value as they want to attach to that object of high value. So you see that we're histrionic personality disorder individuals typically doesn't do that. What that individual does is they will draw attention to themselves in a very, uh, dramatic way, in a very over-the-top way, whether it's using a lot of swear words, curse words, using very revealing clothing, or being very seductive, you know, being flirtatious and coquettish, and you know, that kind of thing, right? Touching your arm, right, when you say a funny joke, right? Like that. Yeah, you get what I'm saying? You get it. And so that seduction component. Now, female narcissists, they tend to lack this ability to process shame. They have difficulty apologizing, even when they're overtly found guilty, particularly if it is in front of or anywhere in eyesight or earshot of that identified high-status object. So they want to seduce that high-status object. They want to move that person into their world. So then once they're close, then they feel like they can have more control over them, then they can get what they have. And that will then feed that sense of narcissism, validating that sense of narcissism, validating that grandiosity, that sense of specialness. So it becomes this cycle where it feeds itself. And that's how narcissism is perpetuated. It feeds itself by these maladaptive patterns. Certainly, seductive is one of them.
Now, another component that I want to talk about is confidence. Now, you may be surprised to hear that confidence. What? Well, let me tell you, females that are along the narcissistic spectrum, they gain their poise, that confidence, from comparing their superiority over others. Now, they feel good about themselves when others are beneath their own standards of excellence. They can point out what a failure they are. They can point out, just in that example with, with, you know, all the women are impressed with their clothing, and the other girl comes up, and when she shames her, she feels more confident about herself because she's feeding her narcissist. Her narcissist becomes this central component, right? It becomes that nucleus of her sense of self. And she's feeding that nucleus, so it is growing, becoming stronger. And you see that she doesn't really pay attention to what else is going on because she's got this flush, maybe it's a dopamine hit for her, right? She's got this flush of confidence over that other person that she just belittled. So it's this false sense of confidence. It's this maladaptive sense of confidence because in an adaptive sense of confidence, it's that you can appreciate what that person who just walked up, who's getting the attention, what they're wearing, or what is special or pretty or unique about them. But the narcissist doesn't. Because at their core, that central, those central components of narcissism is self-doubt, fear, guilt, inferiority, and shame. And it's those things that drive that narcissism. And you see this false sense of confidence. It's a very maladaptive sense of confidence. And they belittle the accomplishments of those that they feel are beneath them so that they can have a sense of greater strength. In many ways, it's like Yertle the Turtle. I don't know if you ever read that book. But Yertle the Turtle, he had to be higher, higher, and higher. And he wanted his subjects, his little turtles, to continue to make him bigger and stronger and grow taller so he could see more of his kingdom and more of his kingdom. But if you remember the book, and spoiler alert, but he gets so, so high that he topples over and he's covered in mud. And you don't want to be Yertle the Turtle. But individuals with narcissism have poor insight. And individuals that are females that are along the narcissistic spectrum also have that poor insight. So they don't see that maladaptive confidence and their behavior and how destructive it is. They just see that they're growing higher and higher and higher. And that's what they focus on.
The next component that we're going to talk about is money. And money can certainly be like points. I've had clients that I've worked with along the narcissistic spectrum, males and females, and many of them have talked about how money equals status and power. So money is points. So the more points that I have, the more power and control I have, and the more I can manipulate or control other people's lives. And that gives them that sense of power that feeds that narcissist. Remember, it becomes this perpetual cycle of maladaptivity that keeps feeding itself. And money can be a huge part of that. And females are no longer expected. They just love excessively spending money, particularly on things that are very flashy. And even though there's no shame or remorse in how much they're spending or ruining their bank account, things like that. Most narcissists don't have a lot of money. Most narcissists achieve very little. And this is in large part because they're spending so much. And they're so afraid of achieving that they would rather sit back and are shrouded by that narcissism. And it creates this distorted image of self and others. So what they see is what they wear, and not that debt that comes with it, and not that loss that comes with having to manage the bills, manage your spending. Because if you have to manage your spending, then you're certainly not a high-status, special, unique person that you deserve to be. And that goes to that central component of narcissism, that maladaptive belief. So money is absolutely a component. We could even call it a trait because of the way that that they do spend money, the way they recklessly spend money. And you see how destructive this is.
So the next one that we're going to talk about is fidelity. Now, females along the narcissistic spectrum, they act more like black widow spiders. And they're idealizing their mate to attract them and emasculate them. And for the spouse or partner, the more they give, the more the narcissist wants. And it becomes insatiable. It becomes, you're always doing more, you're always trying to achieve more, you're always because you're also held accountable for that individual's health, welfare, beliefs, happiness. But because the narcissistic individual is so external in their beliefs and in their view, that and they, that external validation, that it all falls on you. That they put it on you. That they're like, "Well, I'm not happy because you did this. And you're a horrible person because I feel this way because you did this." And the things you did could be very routine that most of us do, right? It could be something that, you know, you mess up something that everybody makes mistakes. But your narcissist sees it as you being a failure. So being in this relationship, you then try to feed that relationship, make that person happier. But you can't. And in these cases, what happens is you see that they start to disengage. And they can neglect, abandon, or punish their partner for these things. And that's where the fidelity comes in. Because then they see a higher-status object than you. So they go out and they find somebody else to be with. But all that is, it just takes them up one more step. Because eventually, you know, they might leave you, right? And then they go to the next step. And that next step, eventually, that maladaptive narcissism rears its head again. And it becomes destructive again. And it becomes to eat away at the relationship. And it'll fit that pattern. Or the partner will get fed up with it, it'll cut it off and be like, "You're gone. Forget it." Because what you're also dealing with under that component of fidelity is these unpredictable moods. And it can be due to pride, this excessive pride, or even other, other traits or other issues that might be going on. Because narcissists, they don't open up about what they really want because there's great fear. Because when there's truth inside them, that if someone knows that they could use it against them. If they use it against them, that could be the power play that they do with others that they don't want done to them. So it really becomes this, this opposite component, right? The self-destructive and relationship-destructive pattern that I've seen many times in clients that that I've worked with that have developed this maladaptive pattern. And fidelity becomes such a big issue. Uh, narcissists, I, I believe they're at a higher probability to, of course, commit adultery, to cheat. But it doesn't mean that they all do, right? We don't want to have absolutes. We don't want to split on this, right? You just want to be aware. There is that higher tendency because of what I talked about before. It's always going to that higher-status object, that higher-status person who has more, who can provide more, or so they believe. Because for them, the grass is always greener.
Now, another component that we see in parenting, that parenting style, so we, we could say children is the next component, right? Or that it's actually. Now, children isn't a trait, but parenting can be a culmination of several traits. And narcissists like to raise baby narcissists. Now, often they pick a favorite child and focus all of their efforts and attention on that special child. The other children are left to feel inadequate, unworthy, and insecure. And females often view their children as an extension of themselves, even when the child is an adult. So everything the child accomplishes is a reflection of their own superior parenting. And you see the female aspect, it's an odd sense of mothering. And when I say odd sense, it's because there tends not to be a lot of emotion transference there. What we see is a lot of achievement orientation. It's very cognitive in many ways. It's very achievement-based as to if you achieve this, well, then you're worthy of my love. But if you don't, then I don't. And really, what is your value anyway? Because any failure or mistake you make, that is illustrative of the failed narcissistic parent. Now, I've mentioned in many of my other videos as well, when I talk about narcissism in children of narcissism, that most narcissistic parents don't make narcissists. And that's, and that is that remains true. Because what happens is, is that the narcissistic individual, and in this case, a narcissistic female, identifies that one child and they nurture that child's narcissism. But the other children tend to develop this sense of, just as I mentioned, feeling inadequate, unworthy, and insecure. And in many ways, that can blossom into disorders that look more like histrionic personality disorder or borderline personality disorder. Doesn't mean that they all develop that. Is that what I'm saying? I'm saying that that they can start to develop some of those traits and issues. And again, that female narcissistic parenting, it is certainly based on that. And it can almost be as if they are, you know, dangling that sense of, "Yeah, I can be that caring mom up to this point, and then I'm going to pull it back." And it becomes this manipulative back and forth. So that the child is really driven to connect to that parent. Because the idea of good mother becomes so intense. And that is what they are striving for. That is what they're going for. However, the issue becomes that you never get it. So it's that carrot that you never get to eat. It's that goal that you never get to achieve. It's that marathon, and you're constantly running it. And there's no finish line. But you want to keep running it. And you get into it. And because you've been running it for so long, you're kind of like, "Well, I guess I'll just keep running it." So you see that trait. And we're going to call that the children. Even though children isn't really a trait, as we know. But it's more like parenting style, parenting approach, parenting via narcissism. We see it more clearly in narcissistic females because narcissistic males often, they are more likely to take off. They're more likely to identify failures in their children. Now, they, they will pick some special children. But I think they are at a higher likelihood to abandon that family, abandon those children and spouse, and be like, "Well, I'm going on to something better." Right? And we can go back to that sense of fidelity that we talked about before. And we see that in males. But of course, we're attaching it now to the, to the children component.
So lastly, and this I think is one of the most interesting components, is talking about competition. And competition can be something that can be really, really delicate for many narcissists. And your narcissistic females are certainly not immune to that issue. And competition. So nothing proves supremacy quite like the competition for a narcissistic individual. They love an opportunity to excel over others, whether it's at work or home, wherever it may be. And this can be brother to brother and parent-child relationships. Females battle with other females for dominance. And that dominance is that sense of competition. Just like it goes exactly to that point of again, when I talked about earlier in the video, is it's that women are commenting the female narcissist on her way she looks and things like that. That other person comes up, and that becomes that competitor. And they have to dominate that individual because it triggered that emotional button of insecurity and that sense of doubt, shame, guilt, inferiority. And so they have to try to manage that, that narcissistic wound. And you see this. It can just, as I mentioned, in a wide variety of different types of relationships. And because that kind of competition becomes the food that feeds the narcissism, a lot of times they will get into competitions or in competence. I don't mean like an actual formal like competition, right? Not gonna be like a tennis match. Unless they are amazingly good at tennis, then they are likely to pick a beginner and just thrash them, right? Or if they're a runner, if they've run marathons before, they're like, "Oh, yeah, yeah, you should run with me. It'll be fine." And they seem like they're really good friend. They're like, "Oh, wow, you're really encouraging me to be healthy. That's really nice." But then when you get in the marathon, and she, she just takes off and she's like, "Loser!" and just running, running, right? And then at the end, she's like, "I can't believe you couldn't keep up." And you're like, "Huh? What? What is what is going on here?" Huh? And so you feel lost, and you feel stuck. But you fed that individual's narcissism. So you see that that sense of competition can become so central.
And lastly, females along the narcissistic spectrum, they get that narcissistic energy through more like traditional gender roles. And you could say that they're the home, children, suitable career, suitable careers, their husbands, they could be the wife of such and such, trophy wife, such and such, their feminine traits, the role in society that they can fill, or the PTA, whatever it may be, or in the HOA. And interestingly, the more wrong that she is, the greater the outrage and drama she displays. And this is how you, you'll be able to to identify them, is that they're not even willing to admit those simple failures, those simple mistakes. And particularly if it's within her domain. And in her domain, she has to be the queen. There is no one, one that is more powerful or important than a narcissistic queen. Hope you found this helpful. Please like, share, and subscribe and comment. And I'll see you next time. Thanks. Bye-bye.