Love Bombing and Grooming: In Crosshairs of Narcissists, Sadists, Psychopaths

My name is Salva Lin, and I'm the author of "Malignant Self-Love: Narcissism Revisited." This is a serious opening because it's a serious video. Today, we are going to discuss love bombing and grooming, and offices and Sadie's in sadistic narcissists. And what's the common denominator to all these? You. You are in the crosshairs, you just don't know it. It's like being the victim of a sniper. By the time you get to know it, you are usually dead.

So today, we are going to discuss the techniques that lead into your heart. The way the narcissist, sadist, the sadistic narcissist, the psychopath—and I told you in the last video that I make no distinctions between these allegedly separate mental health disorders—but how these people make inroads, how they penetrate your defenses, how they scan your vulnerabilities, the chinks in your armor, and then homed in on on these like cruise missiles, heat-seeking your heat, the heat of your body, the heat of your soul. So you are a target. Everyone is a target. Perhaps this is the dawning realization, especially during this pandemic, when people finally had time to sit alone by themselves and think and realize that they are being targeted by narcissists and psychopaths all the time, and that they had been targeted since the inception of life. Narcissism, psychopaths are everywhere. By conservative estimates, 5% of the population are narcissistic or psychopathic, possibly 10% if we add in grandiose for tonight's and salsa for. There's a lot of people. That's one in every 10 people, you know? And so you should rise up to their techniques and so on.

And today, we are going to discuss two of these: love bombing and grooming. Love bombing is the intense flooding with messages of love, attention, admiration, adulation, etc., etc. In short, it is the regal form or the visual form of idealization. They love bombing victim of the love bombing target is simply inundated, drowns in messages, an endless stream of messages which, which doesn't leave, doesn't let the target think. The aim of love, love bombing is to deny the faculty of thought, critical thought. Critical thinking is by occupying the target's entire attention span, every minute of it. Avi, of her time, the love bomber doesn't allow her to sit back and evaluate what's happening. The soul of bombing has full functions. First of all, to signal to the target the ins, the intensity, and the persistence of the interlocutor's correspondence or sensible emotions. The higher the number of messages I'm sending you, the more florid, the more flurried, and a fir Vicent the language, the more it's an indicator and a signal of how deeply I feel about it. It is intended to charge and to document the growing, all-pervasive attachments that the narcissist, on the love Bombur, allegedly feels. The second function is virtual signaling. It is intended to convey the purity and the authenticity, as well as the good intentions of the lock number. "I love you, I adore you, I worship you, I will never hurt you." The third element is gaslighting. The idea in love bumping is to engender, to foster, to create, and then to impose on the target an immersive virtual reality bubble. I repeat, virtual reality bubble. It's not real. And within this bubble, there's a cult-like share it fantasy, or even in extreme cases, shared psychosis. This is established by the love bomba, and then it takes hold, and it's very difficult. It's a target to extricate yourself from these that great upon conventions, rules of conduct, speech, things that are acceptable and not acceptable, things that you're allowed to drink, not allowed to do. Then gradually, the love bomba constricts your world, narrows it, closes you down, disconnects you from other people. We'll come to it when we talk about grooming. And the fourth aim of of lung bombing, illa bombing, is to induce the target to enter the Hall of Mirrors, where she is idealized. Remember that I consistently suggest that the narcissist does not exist. There's nobody there. The narcissist is a reification, the embodiment, the personification of emptiness. It's, it's a walking, talking void. It's deep space. When you look into the eyes of the law disease, you can see forever. This is nothing to stop your gaze. There's nobody there. There's no back wall. It's like infinity regression, regression with mirrors. So the last, this is a hall of mirrors, and the narcissist invites you in into this hole of mirrors, and then you look around, and you see yourself reflected a thousand times, and then a million times. And this is, of course, the essence of idealization. Idealization means amplification, making you bigger, making you more grandiose, making you omnipresent, everywhere. And so when you enter the narcissus hole of mirror, mirrors, you are idealized. When you become infatuated with your own rendition, you become infatuated with yourself. And this is by far the most addictive experience imaginable. And it results in something we we call operant conditioning. Your, you become like Pavlov's dogs. Every time you receive a message from the love Bombur, there is this, there is this advertisement, there is this sense of infinite possibilities, there is this atmosphere, ambience of adventure, in risk, and thrill. And in you, you can't extricate yourself. Republican seats, it's absolutely like a drug. It's a drug. It grants the love bumper with the power and to with water access to this contraption. And because you are already addicted, withholding access induces in you withdrawal symptoms, kind of cold turkey. And so the love Bombur acquires with this love popping, acquires a tool, an instrument to modify your behavior via intermittent reinforcement. "You're a good girl, I'll grant you access to my hall of mirrors. I'll continue to float you, flood you with messages, messages that make you look imperfect, brilliant, omnipotent, omniscient, etc." So the la bomba harps plays on your own narcissism. In effect, for the love Baba, does it gradually transforms you and converts you into a narcissist. It's like a vampire. Love bumping is like this proverbial bite on your neck, when you're in fact infected with vampirism, and you can live forever. You can live forever, and you get to wander the earth, and you're gonna see the most amazing things. And suddenly all possibilities are open. You feel a sense of liberation, a sense of infinite capacity, a sense of self-actualization that you had never felt before. Before, and above all, maybe the first time in your life, you love. You're in love with yourself. The la Bamba is nothing but a conduit, a channel. You're channeling yourself through the love Bombur. And so Lochbaum being is the narcissist prime, prime entry strategy. Gradually, you will have to develop an exit strategy if you want to survive. And narcissus entry strategy is love pumping.

There is a substantial difference, though, between love pumping and grooming. And people tend to confuse it, especially self-styled experts and so on online. Grooming is a pathological technique, but the logical strategy which leads to criminalized antisocial or aggressive violent acts. So a pedophile grooms his targets or his victims, the children, is about to abuse, molest, or exploit sexually. So the P defenders, sadist grooms his victims. Grooming leads to acts of extreme, egregious abuse, we usually including violation of physical boundaries. Love pumping is an entirely different thing. Love mopping is a conditioning technique, a conditioning strategy. You're not always loved bonding. You Facebook Islam video. Every time you get a like on your posts, that's a laptop and a mini bump, but it's a love bomb. The more likes you get on your Facebook post, the more you're being loved bought. So the principle of love popping also underlies social media worry. There is a results simulated love via likes, via emojis, and so on and so forth. Of course, Facebook is not grooming you. It's conditioning you. It's creating an addiction. It's making it difficult for you to extricate yourself by leveraging and making use of the dopamine pathway in your brain. The same mouses doesn't say, but there's a big difference between the narcissist and the sexual sadist who is also a narcissist. A sexual sadist, we groom you, and there's a, the difference between love pumping and grooming is is substantial because grooming is intended to achieve six goals. And remember, grooming is mostly done by a person who displays symptoms of narcissism, psychopathy, and sadism, a kind of dark triad of a different sort. And again, grooming is intended to achieve six goals. The first one is to establish mastery, a power hierarchy, an external locus of control over you, so that you feel that you have surrendered your life, that you have surrendered control over yourself, your decision-making processes, everything to the outside, to that person. Number two, in grooming, to mold the target into mindless and obedient roleplay. So if it's a woman, the sexual sadist would usually usually try to mold her into an unthinking war, satisfy his sexual fantasies without any limit, without any boundary, without ever saying no. The third function of grooming is to overcome the target's natural revulsion and anxiety. The spoon, when normal people, when healthy people come across the narcissist, come across a psychopath or the sadist, they have this immediate intuitive, reflexive, and is. They feel discomforted, and they don't know why. They, something is off-key. Some, some part of the tune is fake and wrong, and they know it, but they can't put the finger. Masahiro Mori, the Japanese robot is is called it, the uncanny valley. He said that when robots would come to resemble human beings very highly, very much, we would begin to feel unease with these robots because they're too human. In the same analysis, and Psychopaths, Mercedes, they are in essence forms of artificial intelligence. They like, they lack the basics of being human, but they look human. They imitate and simulate the motions, cognitions, reactions, behaviors perfectly. Yet we feel that something is missing. We feel that it's a simulation, that it's not real, that it's feigned, that it's a forgery of some kind of counterfeit. And so this immediate revulsion and anxiety, and grooming is intended to overcome these reactions by habituating the target, co-opting or hijacking the target's fantasy life, injecting, injecting its the de Sade's injects himself into the subject's imagination, fears, hopes, wishes, dreams, fantasies, becomes an integral and in separate part of these things. The fourth function is to expose the target to brainwashing messaging and signaling. Repetition does that. Repetition. And then courting, pretending to have an unspoken, unfertilized, at the end, agreement about some things, even if the agreement is never made explicit. So there are sanctions for breach of foe, for misconduct, for breach of this unspoken atmospheric agreement. When it's a part of brainwashing, it's emitted intermediate reinforcement. You abide by the rules, you follow the conventions and the Morrie's that we had Riedl, God knows when, then I'm gonna reward you. You don't. I'm gonna punish you. And there are numerous ways to punish. Silent treatment is the most prevalent. The faithful of drumming is to push the target to dismantle her boundaries, to abrogate her values, of mehran's, and to violate her own ground rules of conduct, conduct in her own decisions about her life, her goals, or her the way acceptable things, non acceptable things. And so to whom, to to transform, to shape-shift the target, so that she is totally disoriented. Her life becomes a kaleidoscope. She's no longer schwöre, and what she believes him, she can't be absolutely certain where her boundaries are, and what she is going to do or not going to do under extreme circumstances. And so this is inducing a borderline personality disorder like state, where there is identity diffusion, like multiple personality. Grooming does that to you. And the sixth role is to isolate you from family and social network. The more isolated you are, the more dependent you are on the source of the grooming. So put together, grooming creates a shared psychotic space within which the shared fantasy thrives on false promises and false premises, and there's a make-believe roleplay. For whenever the woman tries to exit this common territory, this common delusion of territory, she's punished. If there is physical proximity, she is punished with sadistic sex, egregious abuse, withholding, outright rejection, humiliation. If it is electronic on digital communication, there's silent treatment, there are mocking messages, their friends. To finally, the only way open to her is to resort to another man with whom she can create an alternative sanctuary, however fantastic, however brief. And so many, many, many such women cheat. Then the shirt fantasies irrevocably undermines, and this creates in the narcissist or say yeast or Psychopaths mortification. And the woman is not perceived as a threat, and she's shocked. Mission accomplished. The cheating is one strategy. Betrayal, I would say, is a more generalized strategy. Cheating is one strategy. But for example, China jammed the premises and the foundations of the ships fantasy, not agreeing, not agreeing to serve anymore as a source of narcissistic supply, mocking and deriding, then the narcissist grandiosity, humiliating the narcissist in public, in front of peers, colleagues, and so on. I mean, they are quite a few strategies, quite a few exit strategies from the shared fantasy or shared psychosis. But they all involve a kind of betrayal. Betrayal of trust, betrayal of unspoken, unspoken compacts and agreements, betrayal of expectations, dreams, hopes, and fantasies, which at some point are shared. Betrayal of the power hierarchy, challenging the Nazi superiority, challenging the sadie's access to to body, to the body, etc. So these are exist strategies.

Now, how do narcissists decide who to target? And how to say it is decide who to target? And there are numerous topologies and numerous explanations. There is the absolutely nonsensical concept of empathy. I have a video dedicated to debunking this media like inanity. There are, there is the misinformation, the wrong formation that narcissus target only specific types of of people, and magnets, or and so on and so forth. It's absolutely wrong. Research has consistently shown that the only parameter, the only parameter that interests analysis is whether the potential mate, potential partner can provide no statistics applied or not. End of story. The narcissus targets autonomous, independent, at preneur really strong women. And the Narcisse targets weak, not very bright, are under accomplished women. The narcissus targets codependents, any targets totally healthy women. Bus he started everyone. Now says his canvases and scans anyone can provide supply. She's adopted, and she is targeted. There is no type constancy, and no preference for any type of Roma. This is a myth, and utter misinformation. But the narcissus does divide women to a variety of topologies and dwelt upon some of these differences in other videos. And today, I would like to introduce yet another one. The gnosis is divided on women into homemakers, promiscuous women, and promiscuous glamorous women. And so one is cheated on, abandoned, betrayed, challenged, mocked, humiliated, and so on, when the intimate partner tries to exit the shared fantasy, which had become dangerous, ominous, or threatening, or debilitating, or she has to exit. I mean, she can't stand it anymore. When this happens, most narcissists experience a variety of reactions. And one of these reactions is called narcissistic mortification. I have dedicated four videos, four recently, to the issue of mortification. Our narcissists experiences, experiences modification. What is the role of modification? Why now? This is Sigma modification, etc., etc. Now, if narcissists experienced modification only with the home maker, with a homemaker type of thought, the, the type of partner that the narcissist, ten, that the gnosis believes can be a stable, long-term intimate partner, who is focused on adulation and services, lesson six. Remember that three S's: sex, supply, services. The homemaker is focused on on supply and services, and she's stable, she's, she's homeless, she's domestic, she's a service provider, she's loving, she's, you know, and she's very trustworthy. So when something happens with her, the Nasus is mortified, and then he tries to transform his external notification into an internal one. He said to himself, she's not like that, or she's not to blame for her misconduct. It's my fault. My abusers withholding pushed her to the limit. He overlooks and effects of the contrary, including the homemaker partner's past promiscuity and a pattern of betrayal and sexual and emotional licentiousness in her bust. He idolizes her. So the first target for love bombing could be a home maker, a hot body, a kind of target, kind of woman, which would fit into this narrative, idealized narrative. Another type of woman the narcissist would tend to love or miss, the promiscuous glamorous woman, sabirah, Foreman, entrepreneur, real strong on the surface, autonomous, adventurous, risk-taker, thrill-seeking, a bit psychopathic, and with this kind of woman, the narcissist experiences both retroactive and reactive romantic jealousy. In other words, he is jealous of her past intimate partners and romantic partners, and one light state partners, whatever. And he's jealous of current possible competitors for her love and attention. Owning this kind of partner, who could have chosen any man because she's a drop-dead gorgeous and in Rachel, so only in this kind of partner upholds analysis grandiosity, makes him feel unique, irresistible, upholds his sense of virility. Narcissus have very strong problems with gender differentiation and gender roles. They are not quite sure how mentally they are. They keep testing. So owning such a partner sort of upholds virility, and losing her challenges both grandiosity and manhood or manliness. So it's a big blow for the narcissist. But gnosis would tend to love poem this kind of target into submission. Finally, there's the promiscuous only partners. Narcissus with this kind of partner is less likely to laugh more. He's likely to team up with his partner. But love-bombing is usually not a part of the of the package because he feels nothing and experiences no reaction. First of all, with this kind of partner, cheating is both expected and accepted as a way out of the shallow relationship, which included farm insects, and because it's, it's kind of a transient stopgap partner, transient, doesn't in short would be ears, but it's stopgap bother, not not the glamorous promiscuous elope, the homemaker, which are the staple partners of the gnosis. So with this kind of partner, love-bombing is much less, much less likely, and it is this kind of partner that the narcissus picks up in bars and restaurants and conferences and so on and so forth. So this is the narcissus. But believe me, the narcissus is harmless compared to the next type I'm going to discuss. The worst, most egregious, hurtful, and dangerous type of narcissus, really of any person in my view, is also antisocial, psychopathic, and a sadist. Such a narcissus is the same and corrupted outcome of intermittent reinforcement in early childhood, which resulted in a shattering and never resolved narcissistic modification. Let me try to explain. All narcissists stops as children, may come as a shock to you, but they do. So some, some people, some of these children are first idolized, placed on a pedestal, tablet, constitute admired, exhibited, and they could do no wrong. They are perfection refined. And so these children are exposed to unconditional parental worship, not love, unconditional parental worship, but coupled with conditional love. In other words, as long as the child performs, the worship is unconditional and unlimited. His no boundaries. The parent actually merges with the child, fuses with the child, which makes it very difficult for the child to separate and individually have boundaries. But the love is conditional. And then abruptly, this children are cast aside, pushed off the pellet pedestal, shunned, discarded, mocked, nightmarishly abused in every reach manner, sadistically criticized, busting to taste, ostentatiously hated. And so the, this incredibly sudden transition from from hero to zero, from God to the least lowlife scum creature on earth, this transition, remember, it happens to a child with four years old, nine years old, six years old. This kind of transition is difficult even for an adult. We have started off of chief executive officers, very rich businessmen, and famous people who went to jail, Harvey, Harvey Weinstein types, you know, they were at the top of the world, with the pinnacle of their industry, they control the universe, they owned the universe, they were masters of the universe, and then, you know, they're in jail, in the general population, and we studied their psychology, and it is an incredible crisis. It's, it's an extension, multiplication. Now, this is when he happens to another as boundaries, as experience, as his is much stronger, much more resilient. Imagine when it happens to a four-year-old. It's absolutely shattering, pulverizing. As to this crease, such truth, such abrupt pendulum, pendular shift, it creates antisocial, sadistic narcissus. It's a sub, sub, sub species, sub group, sub variant, which are by far the most dangerous because they unify all the bad qualities of the narcissist, the lack of, including the lack of reality test, in other words, the psychotic elements in narcissism, the delusional elements combined with antisocial traits and behaviors, including defiance, lack of impulse control, recklessness, callousness, lack of empathy, extreme lack of empathy, coupled with psychological penetration, and with the urges, uncontrollable urges of the sadist to hurt people, to enjoy the pain inflicted on people. So when you put all three together, you can imagine what you get. And these type of dances will stop at nothing to recapture the Garden of Eden, ideal state that they had started life with. Remember, at the beginning, they were put on a pedestal, pampered, spoiled, worshipped. They wanna recapture this state. This is their Garden of Eden from which they had been expelled. This was the ideal state. They want to go back to. They want to revert. So in women, this type of narcissist look for an idealizing mother. They want all women to become mother and to recreate the ideal space. They share a fantasy that I mentioned before. And when the partner fails to do this, they try to fix the intimate partner by force, coercive, coercively using among other things, abuse. And so to to convert, to transform the woman, on the intimate partner, into an ideal icing mother. This kind of narcissus uses extreme grooming. You remember the six, the six roles of six aims of of grooming. Narcissus, these confidences use grooming to the point of negating the partner's identity and existence, annulling, vitiating her, and then assimilating the remnants. So they kind of mummify the part, and then digest the part. Father becomes not only an extension, like with the classical narcissus, but a part of the sadistic antisocial narcissus. And so a battle with, in this case, would be the equivalent of amputation. You see, the woman, the intimate partner, becomes the, is absolutely not a distinct entity, but another organ, like skin. And these kind of novices, sadistic, and anti-social, they generate a shared fantasy space into which they shoehorn everyone else. Not only everything I'm saying here does not only apply to romantic bubbles, intimate partners, love interests, it applies to business balance, colleagues, neighbors. You know, this kind of sadistic antisocial narcissist tries to recreate the ideal, the ideal space, the Garden of Eden, where we used to be God, when you used to walk the earth as a divinity, worshipped by by these godlike creatures, the parents, you know, he wants to recreate this, and he wants to recreate it in the workplace, in his family, among his neighbors, in the pub, wherever he goes, he creates up illogical, narcissistic spaces, physical spaces, within which he is trying, trying to restore the primordial state. And any attempt to exit this space, or to challenge this space, or to modify this space, or in any way shape or form interfere with his space, it leads to extreme aggression. And the aggression can be so extreme that it could end with murder. It could easily transitions to violence, especially under the influence of substance abuse. There's a rippling because when the shared fantasy of the shared space, in the case of these noises, is challenged, it's a replay of the original narcissistic mortification with mother. It's a replay. It's a reenactment of the unresolved conflict, the unresolved expulsion from the Garden of Eden with the flaming swords. It's the most traumatic experience by far in the novices life. And every time a woman, a boss, and call, a colleague, or peers, or a tribe to dismantle the fantastic space, defend the sheer fantasy, shared psychosis, they count. Every time they try to bring the narcissist, this kind of losses mystic and psychopathic messages back to reality, every time they try to open his eyes, to disabuse him of his delusions, they are actually assuming the role of the original abusing mother, the original angel who cast the narcissist out of the Garden of Eden, in into a life of toil and pain. But you can say, what, what determines whether and the narcissist experiences narcissistic mortification, or merely narcissistic injury, or even just searing romantic jealousy, when his partner misbehaves, for example, with other men, which is most egregious, an extreme form of abandonment of betrayal? What determines a reactive? Well, mortification occurs when the rejection is total, when it's abroad, when it's ostentatious in public, and when the, the narcissist needs his partner the most. It is a stark reminder of the narcissist power for self-delusion and gullibility. When this happens, the gnosis realizes how sick is, how deformed, how defective, how dysfunctional. It's very painful. It's very big. It's a, it's a feeling of of I mean, coming, coming face-to-face with yourself as a narcissist is coming face-to-face with the ultimate in monstrosity. And the gnosis doesn't consider himself a monster. On the contrary, considers himself superior, irresistibly attractive proposition. And so abandonment and betrayal, recreating the original apartment had betrayed my mother, they force the narcissus to confront who he really, who he really is, for much more precisely, who he really is never any long, because a narcissist is an absence, not the presence. He's not an entity. He's a known entity. He is not a room full of things. He's a Hall of Mirrors full of reflections. He's an abstraction, not a human being. How horrifying can he be to come to realize this? When all our defenses crumble in a process known as decompensation, when are your delusions are taken away, challenged to the point of breaking? Mr. romantic jealousy is a normal reaction to the anticipated loss of a partner. Mortification is much more than this, and it has nothing to do with the partner. It has nothing to do with the public. Mortification is to do exclusively with the narcissist, and he is ultimate and final confrontation with himself. They do on you know, guns drawn, no one will we still stay alive, sir.

Now, the sexual say is fantasizes not about sex. It's a common misconception. Sexual sadism is not about sex. It's about power. It's about humiliating, trashing, and degrading the woman, the intimate partner. Conventional sex actually leads the sexual sadist to boredom, erectile dysfunction. So there are three types of women in the world of the sexual sadist, and only types one and two acquiesce and cater to his sadistic needs. So the first type is a woman who, women who are submissive, and they are already deeply in love or irresistibly infatuated with the sadistic, narcissistic, antisocial men. And to get to this stage, the sadist uses grooming. And these women require grooming to be brought to this stage. But when the R&D stage, roaming is no longer needed, they are utterly unthinking robots, and they would fulfill any and all sexual fantasies of the of the cities. The second group of women are promiscuous masochists. You can find them in sex clubs or through private networks. It takes some effort to find them, and they're huge risks involved, use medical risks, personal risks, but they are the second title women who would cater totally to the needs with a narcissistic sadistic sexual sadist. The thing is that women in casual sex, one-night stands, pickups, pickups in bars, hookups, this kind of women would never agree to realize the Sadie's sexual fantasies, and they also usually demand reciprocity and equivalence. There's a negotiated power symmetry when you pick up a woman in a bar for a one-night stand. So this is not, not the narcissus cup of tea. It's definitely not what the sexual sadist is looking for. And so the sexual sadist obtains power in two ways. In the grooming phase, he establishes his mastery, and in the sexual frames, he exercises it. Sadie's support avoid one-night stands. So two narcissus, by the way, contra contract to misinformation run back say these novices, psychopaths love casual sex and one-night stands. But Sadie's an athlete, they avoid them because they're likely to be unfulfilling and may merely provoke a performance anxiety. And casual sex also invariably ends up in a kind of narcissistic injury because the men is rejected or humiliated or abandoned or so. Within the category of narcissistic sexual sadists, there are those with a strong sex drive, hypersexual, and a weak safe drive, like in the normal population. In sexual sadists with a weak sex right, they opt for massive sublimation. In other words, they con the sexual energy into non-sexual, socially acceptable activities. Ironically, it's exactly this type of narcissistic sexual sadists who would engage in very prolific love pumping and grooming because it's a substitute for the sex itself. They don't really need the sex. The power turns them on. Obtaining power over some other person, manipulating another person, that is the big turn-on. Frustrating another person, causing pain and hurt to another person, penetrating another person's defenses, pushing her to commit suicide. These are the big terminal telephones. So sexual sadists with a weak sex right sublimate, and they are the ones actually who engage in interminable, interminable love pumping and grooming, which leads nowhere. They tend to procrastinate, avoid face-to-face meetings, and so on and so forth. They only intermittently go for the first type of women, submissive women, or infatuated. They, they actually try to avoid this. The problem is that women of the first type, submissive and infatuated, they require an intimate, committed relationship, which most sadistic narcissists are not willing to embark on. Sadistic psychopathic narcissists are looking merely for an admirer, playmate, a lover to fit into the shared fantasy. I've dedicated a few videos to this. They are looking for a toy because their children, muslimists target age for psycho dynamically, the equipment they have, the emotional equipment they have, characterizes a child age four. So they're looking for a toy. And what do children do with toys? Break them, this McClinton, disassemble them, look in the innards, look inside. So narcissistic sexual sadists are the same. They're looking for a toy to dismantle. They're not looking for a wife. Don't happy to become a many cities, of course, deceived the woman, make false promises to the contrary, and they, they promise everlasting love, as they profess to lust. They say that they were there looking for intimacy in a relationship, in a marriage, when we're children. Sorry, this is standard fare. But they do this in order to secure the three essence: six, supply, and services. Subsection Sadie's, some sadistic narcissist, they would go as far as getting married tool, so as to secure a corporation. It's more rare, but it does happen. Absolutely. I mean, there's no limit to how far they will go. So even when the sadie's does find the appropriate submissive, infatuated, a woman, ultimately, when push comes to shove, and he is unable to fulfill his false promises and commitments, that the women become become angry, disappointed, and they end up adopting an exit strategy of betrayal, cheating on him in egregious cases, or you know, just humiliating, a more challenging, and this leads to an intricate power play within the the relationship, where the, the chairs are, are the walls are reversed to some extent, and the sadistic narcissist gets a taste of his own medicine, and it leads to harrowing mortification. Time in a game. And so many narcissistic, a statistic narcissists ultimately decided the price, the shirt fantasy is not worth the price, and the price is grooming and mortification. So they exit the same. And this is why most sadistic novices go through inordinate, Lea long stretches of celibacy. They're trying to avoid the modification. Now, I did say in previous videos that classic pure narcissus, or narcissists who are comorbid with borderline, in other words, people who have both diagnosis, narcissistic personality disorder, borderline personality. So these narcissists are looking for motivation. This modification is the only time they are free of the false self. The for self is disabled, mortally wounded, and the narcissist can finally experience his own identity and existence directly, not interact lis, not via the mediation and the filtering of the phone search. So they seek it, they seek notification, they seek to be abundant, abruptly, and sort of. But not so the sadistic narcissist. So this is gnosis avoid mortification. And because he knows that his brand of sexuality centered around around power matrices, because he knows that his psychology getting cheer and draw out of inflicting pain, because he knows that these are unpalatable and unaccept, he knows that the relationship is always doomed well in advance. He knows the sequence is gonna groom an intimate partner, let's say a woman. He's gonna make false promises. If need be, he's gonna inflict on her pain and hurt, abuse her egregiously, dismantle her, ruin her identity and sense of power, of self, boundaries, everything. Deacon, the later, if you wish, this break her like a toy, disassemble her. She's going to tolerate this. She's going to realize these sexual fantasies, no matter how morbid and bizarre, paraphilia, and evy n't in sick, so to speak. She's gonna comply with them. It's going to do everything. But she expects something in return. This something is a relationship. It could be a committed relationship, could be a marriage, with a formal relationship, or informal, a, but a relationship of some kind. How many things to deliver this? In knows the Chiefs got to be trained him. And in the majority of cases, she's going to be trained with another man, and she's going to do it in a way that will hurt him back. He knows this. He anticipates. He expects it. And so he realizes that the end of the road, there is a life-threatening mortification. Those are sadistic narcissists who try to avoid this. He shared fantasy does not include a relationship with a classic narcissist, or the narcissistic borderline. The Shedd fantasy always includes a real core ring-ring kernel of a relationship. Not so with the sadistic processes. There's no intern in his mind. There's no hint of a relationship. It's all about power, mastering, slave, slavery. People with atypical sexuality often give up on sex altogether. Some of them do it in order to not hurt innocent people. So some of them, you know, tonking engage in sex because they don't want to hurt lonely, fragile, broken women, or they don't want to do anything bad to children. So a typical sexuality, very often leads to celibacy, in absence, or sometimes they find it difficult. It's finding a partner requires excessive investment of resources and unusual assuming unusual thing dangers and risks, or because the sex is likely to result in psychologically or physically dangerous and bad outcomes to themselves and to others. And so a typical sexuality gradually leads to isolation, to isolation, abstinence, celibacy is self-imposed. It's very sad and very painful, but it's the only way to avoid a price which could lead to life-threatening outcomes. And so these sadistic sexual, sexually sadistic, antisocial narcissists, they would substitute, they would sublimate their search drive, their inability to a sex, and they will convert it to flirting, grooming, the love-bombing, all safe, safe pseudo sinks, safe approximations of sex, sex by proxy, sex by byword, verbalized sex. It's very, very, very close to pornography, generates virtual so trading. And so if you were to talk to a sadistic narcissist, he would tell you this, like every narcissist, you would say, my only goal is narcissistic supply. But as a hybrid, antisocial loss assistants, agus, my exclusive form of supply is sadistic. I call it statistic supply. Such a narcissist would say, I love to embarrass, humiliate, degrade, and undermine people, especially women. My sadism is grandiose. It gives me the feeling that I possess the power to so badly damage, my devastated interlocutors, in intimate partners, then it proves to me the domani buttons, it elates me. It's like a rush or a high. It is the conference of fantastic personal inflation, buttress by the visible in parts of my unmitigated, relentless, and callous cruelty. Such analysis will say, I obtain sadistic supply with my aggressive, ostentatious, and public defiance of everything my targets or victims hold dear and sacred, their conventions, their plans, their hopes, their dreams, their wishes. First, I collude with their fantasies and dreams. I act the perfect accomplice, perfect mate, false advertising. But then I destroy everything we have built together with cold indifference and glee, methodically, as though I were exclaiming, "You can never take me for granted, for I am a force of nature. I will punish you. I ruin you for daring to humanize me, to reduce me to the level of mere mortals, for being so blind that you fail to grasp my divine superiority in every way. I do not need you. I do not. You don't have anything to offer to me. I will prove it to you by discarding you offhandedly." So they, the session sadly said his harps on people's insecurities, vulnerabilities, weaknesses, mercilessly. He pushes their buttons, he triggers them to the limits of decompensation, disintegration, and acting up. All other forms of narcissistic supply, and all our forms of psychopathic goals, admiration, recognition, sex, money, power, they are secondary. They are subordinate to the statistic needs. To they need to inflict pain and earth. To they need to disassemble, break apart the toy of the sadistic narcissist. So this gnosis sacrifices even classic narcissistic supply, sacrifices goals, undermines his own goals from the outside. He appears to be self-defeating or self-destructive. But he does this in order to take the gratification of watching his target, his preys victim, and rather of inflicting pain and suffering, frustrating them, countering their happiness and joy, and often in public. You see the sadistic narcissus self-destruction causes pain to his intimate partner. It's, it's a sadistic ploy. He destroys himself to spite the other. He destroys himself to cause earth, to cause the other to feel enormous sadness and sorrow, an unmitigated, unadulterated depression. And so we wish see counterintuitive, endure perplexing, and paradoxical videos. For example, the sexual sadists will give up having sex with a woman, give it up if he can instead frustrate her, reject her, humiliate, and hurt her with his reluctance, with his refusal to respond to his signals, cues, and advances. A woman would come on to it. Now, what we would offer herself, and his gratification would not be to take her on her offer. His ratification would not be to have sex with her, but to deny sex to her evident pain. Is filed rate a far greater aphrodisiac, frog greater supply, than anything sex with her can yield. And similarly, the sadistic narcissist will focal or sabotage great opportunities and rewards just so as to hurt and frustrate the hopes and expectations of others. Now, there is a very big difference between this and the Psychopaths. Believe you Mr. psychopath does the same things. He frustrates, he hurts people, he has many self-destructive and self-defeating behaviors. He destroys his own opportunities, he rejects life, he forgoes and gives up the joys with life. He's a life negator, the psychopath. So true. But while the sexual sadist does it in order to be gratified, so actually it's a form of self-love. Self-destruction in the case of the sexual, sexual narcissistic Sade's, self-destruction is self-love. In the case of the psychopath, everything has no meaning, no real motive, motivation, no psychodynamic bedrock. It's kind of fleeting whim. It just, you know, just wakes up, he does what he feels. It's, he's kind of a shallow surface phenomenon. The psychopath is no depth, is no dimensions. Is not gratified by, for example, drinking, or by casual sex, or by stealing someone's wallet or car, or hurting someone, hurting his so-called loved ones, nearest dear. Psychopath does things effectively absent-mindedly, or because he feels like it. And he doesn't have to feel like it very much. It's enough that the thought crossing mind, and he would act on it. It's like a, a hair-trigger variant of the of the narcissistic cities. And so Psychopaths are not motivated by creative self-gratification. The narcissistic sadie's up. It's a very crucial difference. How to tell these two types apart? Now, what happens when you have all three, psychopath, narcissist, and incentives in the same body, in the same person, the same diagnosis? Well, it depends. In some situations, psychopaths will take over. Other situations, and offices. And when it comes to sex, intimate partners, and so on, probably the singles and say thing is that in narcissism, exactly like important line, in all cystic personality, so the same with borderline personality. So the psychopathic dimension is not primary, second body. It's secondary. Second body. First, the narcissist or the borderline are triggered by something. The borderline is triggered by abandonment and rejection, or anticipated abandonment and rejection. The narcissist is triggered by an artistic injury, lack of supply, or mortification. First, as a trigger, only then the psychopath takes over. Is a defense mechanism, is a defense strategy. Psychopath then takes over in this case, and the narcissism, borderline act psychopathic, defiantly, without impulse control, without foreseeing or considering the consequences of their actions, without empathy, callously, recklessly, etc., etc. These all psychopathic behaviors, antisocial behaviors, but they come second. They are reactive to a primary psycho dynamic process in the borderline, the abandonment anxiety, most anxiety, and in the narcissus, the need for supply, firm in buttressing grandiosity. So grooming and love-bombing are integral parts of the strategies of novices, Sadie's, narcissistic sadist, and Psychopaths to acquire targets. Over in cases, the second attempt acquire a Hoover targets who would later become accomplices, co-co-actors, colleagues, if you wish, in a production, in the theater production, all the losses his life in the shared fantasy, in the shirt psychotic space. These are never, never lands, like Michael Jackson's, like Peter Pens. These are the never, never rains, in which the deeply wounded, deeply traumatized, sad, profoundly sad, and crying child, or four years old, wanders. He tries to find the way back to paradise, the way back to heaven. And it's paved with good intentions, sometimes, but only succeeds to do is hurt everyone around him. And his prime victim is himself.